Is family really that Important?

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Mufti Menk

Channel: Mufti Menk

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi wa sallahu wa sallahu wa salam ala Baraka Allah Milena BIA Bader, who are Allah Ali. He was like the edge man.

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My brothers and sisters.

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When Allah Almighty created us

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he could have created us in any way he willed and wished and that's what he did.

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He could have chosen another way.

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And we could have all been created in the same way that Adam was created.

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For Allah, it's just be and it is. If he wants something, he wants to make something. He wants to create something. The Quran mentions in more than one place and I'm going to read one of the verses perhaps

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from Surah Yaseen, so that many of us might be able to follow the last verse in

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either

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Dasha II and Amy Paul Allahu Khun

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failure kunafa Zuber, Han lead EBRD Mal and COO Tunku Mishary. Well, Illa E to

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amazing verse, I'm sure you know what it means write.

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The command of Allah when he wants to create something is just con. Con means B.

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And it is so Glory be to He

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in Whose hands lies, ownership

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of everything in existence, and unto him, shall we return.

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So he chose to create us in a way that the first of our species was made

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with sand, dust, soil, clay, the different stages mixed with water, then a shape given to it.

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And then he blew a soul

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into it.

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And lo and behold, it was a human being.

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And Allah taught Adam, may peace be on him.

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The names of everything, were Allama, Asma

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Aquila, Allah says, He taught Adam the names of everything.

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So when he came into existence, he already knew how to speak and he was grown adult.

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But after that, the others who were created

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they were created in a different way.

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Eve Hawa May peace be on her, was created from a part of Adam.

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According to the Quran.

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And thereafter, Jesus may peace be on him was created

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through a female without the involvement of a male.

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So if you look at those three, Adam was created.

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Without the involvement of a male without the involvement of a female, that's the power of the Creator.

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Eve was created.

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Without the involvement of a female,

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through a male, Jesus may peace be upon him was created without the involvement of a male just through a female and the rest of us created through male and female, that's Allah, all the probabilities and possibilities have been displayed to us the power of the Lord Allah.

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So why did he choose

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to create us in a way that

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left us with no choice as to where we would be born,

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who we would be born to

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and so on. Who our parents were basically whom we would be born to.

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We had no choice, none of us had a choice. It goes to show there is a supreme power over us. Man is so sophisticated yet

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when the soul and the body became connected to one another at 120 days in the womb of the mother.

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Which soul was put into which body was the sole decision of Allah.

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It was Allah's decision.

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My soul in my body

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All right,

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this body, in actual fact, because it's temporarily

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the soul that is owned by Allah

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in the body

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that is given by Allah for a few years only.

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He chose he decided,

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pause for a moment and think about it. Your race your nationality today before they were no nationalities because Adam Alayhis Salam was on earth, they were no countries, all these divisions that came about later, they did come about and now we have different nationalities, you're from different parts of the globe. But there happens to be different ethnicities and races and complexions and diversity of the type of skin and hair that you and I have. Allah says, We made you different so that you can recognize one another, so that you can enjoy your time on earth. At least there can be a little bit of flavor

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Subhanallah this evening, we're perhaps going to be having a beautiful meal. I'm sure it's not just going to be one thing there will be four or five different things I'm sure. I hope habibi.

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Because people like different things to some perhaps this is nice. And to others, perhaps this is better and to others, perhaps, oh, I can't do without this and so on. So Allah says,

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Yeah, are you

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in now call upon

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all mankind and addressing all of us, we have created you from a single male and female.

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Was your neck when shuba

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ilani Doubt often, we have made you into different people, different tribes, in order that you recognize one another.

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So he starts off by reminding us you come from one set of parents, all of you, which means none of you are greater than the other? No, not in the eyes of Allah.

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You're all from one. Remember that you are connected. You are related.

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I get it a lot. People say hey, you know I'm related to this guy. So yeah, we're all related. Come on. The Prophet Adam Alayhis Salam not too far.

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No, hello, es Salaam, we're connected to him too. And even after that, a few generations, I'm sure all of us seated here in this world this evening, we're probably connected 15 generations up maybe a little bit more. Depending on what part of the world you're from, we will be connected. One person not too long back. But you don't realize that

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you don't recognize that.

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One day, we probably will, you will know exactly how you were connected to this person you thought was very far off. And it was only a few generations up. It's amazing.

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So Allah says, We did that in order that you recognize one another. But Allah chose for you, your parents, in order for it to be a test for both sides, the parents as well as the children, parents are given children as a test for them. No matter who the children are and who the parents are. It is a test for you. What is meant by a test people say Allah created us to test us. But what's the point of testing us to be very honest, my brothers, my sisters, it means Allah has created you with a set of rules and regulations, rights to fulfill and rights that will be fulfilled for you. So rights you need to fulfill and rights that others need to fulfill of yours.

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And Allah will judge you based on how you fulfill those rights and fulfill your responsibility. That's how Allah will judge you. So what is that called? It's a test mean if I have a child, I cannot decide every detail of that particular child.

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I have to see it when it comes

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and I have to be happy that's Allah's decision.

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MashAllah

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you have a female child. Are you happy?

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I'm excited.

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So happy some people get said, Where's the male? I wanted a boy. Why is this girl

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my brother for your information the chromosome responsible for that is within you.

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Am I right?

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Thank you.

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So stop blaming. It's your fault. Something's wrong with you, not to anyone else.

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And then again, second child

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Female mashallah third child female hamdulillah by the way, I'm a father of eight daughters

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hamdulillah so beautiful.

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Whose decision was what the child looked like? It was Allah's Allah says we fashioned you.

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Yeah, are you

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San Mavado raka being be can carry him Allah the follow up on kafirs, Godfather like V A useful,

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Masha

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Kabak beautiful versus old man, what has deceived you against your own Lord, your maker who made you? Who fashioned you? Who shaped you? Who gave you your posture? Who gave you your identity? The one who gave you your identity, meaning who you are? Why are you deceived against your own maker? Meaning turn to your to Allah, worship Him alone? Come on, come on, you can do better. Yes, someone somewhere somehow created you made you decided things and did not leave them in your hands. That's what it is. They have not yet come up with a chip that can actually be implanted into the little baby so that the child can suddenly start speaking, imagine putting an ear plug like chip

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straight in.

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Baby says doesn't work that way. as sophisticated as man is, it's not going to work that you might do that to a robot or to something else. But to a human being, they will have to learn slowly, but surely, you might have teaching mechanisms that are improving. As time passes in the way

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that you feel when I was little, perhaps we will not as intelligent as the kids today have today? Yes, they are exposed to much more. And they're learning methods that have been improvised and mashallah advanced. Indeed, I see my own children. And I think to myself, hi. Makes me feel like even though I was an A plus student when I was little, I think

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these little ones are sharper than what we will.

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Doesn't it make you think that sometimes? What is this? It's Allah Almighty.

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I was talking to one of the educators not too long ago.

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And she happened to say

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that if a child is extremely intelligent, and their IQ is very, very high.

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If you do not

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seize the opportunity to give the child something specialized according to their abilities, they will slide into what the rest of their own, perhaps companionship and company and class and grade are upon.

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Why, because you didn't use it.

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That's why they say,

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Make hay while the sun shines. I mean, come on, that's the same. But we believe in the same.

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When there is an opportunity, use it. You're young, use it, you have wealth, use it all in the correct direction, you have health, use it in the correct direction, you are living your life use it. But my brothers and sisters, the reason why I started my talk, by mentioning how we are created by Allah is because it was the decision of Allah, whom your parents will be. So be careful.

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Be mindful, be watchful.

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And it was the decision of Allah whom your children will be. So be mindful, fulfill the rights of one another in a beautiful way. Who your siblings are, did you choose them? No. And Allah says, We chose them because we want you to fulfill their rights. When you see your child have you noticed something?

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Children are born sometimes there's nothing cute about this little child who's full of wrinkles and full of everything so cute. What's cute about the child come on.

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But it's just something we find because of how petite how small how little how that's cute.

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Wow. But in actual fact, they're still changing every day. And you know, we in our little ethnic background, they say what does the child look like?

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Cut the child just born. Give them a year and you can talk every day they're gonna change in the child is still coming out and say it's like his mother.

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Come on. May Allah Almighty grant us ease.

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Forget about who you look like that's a that's Allah's decision and Masha Allah, it is there, you will look like those, perhaps your parents or someone from the families, because that's how Allah has connected all of us. But more importantly,

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the excitement comes with great responsibility, that child is going to grow up, they're not going to listen and obey every instruction of yours all the time. They're not going to be doing things that you like all the time. What are you going to do about it? They might slide into bad ways and habits. What are you going to do about it? We gave it to you. We planned it for you. We wrote it before you were born, let alone them?

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Are you going to give up on your child? Are you going to give up on your parents? Are you going to throw them away? Just because your mother is a nag or your father? Possible? May Allah never make us next?

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Do you take away from your parents their duty of guiding you, especially when it comes to something like marriage? People say my father is just refusing for nothing. Have you spoken to him? Have you addressed the matter? Is he reasonable or unreasonable? Does he have a point or he doesn't have a point? Let's talk let's go to a third party. Let's decide. Does he have a right? It's not just the right it's a duty to guide? Yes, at the end of the day, the decision will be yours. And yesterday, then at the end of the day, if it's something that's not haram, he should give in at some point. But he's told you

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perhaps some might decide I don't want to give him well, that's their baby.

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But the point I'm raising is we have rights, we have duties, we have responsibilities, we should not just give up on those whom Allah has chosen to be from us.

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Family has been given so much of importance by the Quran that Allah says we're at the heart of who will miskeen our burners Sabine, when you're giving charity start off with your family members that will pull back those whom we have made related to you look for them, search for them, be kind to them before the kindness to anyone else do we do that? You're a wealthy person. First ensure that your brothers your sisters, your uncle's your aunts, your nephews, whoever else it may be your children, your grandchildren and your the people they are married to are okay they are well to do Subhanallah what's the point of amassing millions and you're giving charities 1000s of kilometres

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away, may Allah accept it. But those at home don't even have a proper meal and they cannot afford the rental and you're a wealthy person, male or female. Allah says start off with those we made your relatives because we want you to give them and then everyone else. So your duty is to reach out to everyone but you start off with these

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because Allah chose them to be in your circle. Sometimes we're unfortunate that we have relatives who don't care. And sometimes we are so fortunate that we have a circle that cares. Let me tell you, you have a brother, you have a sister, thank Allah, treat them with respect from the very beginning. Or whenever you have changed your life, you might listen to what I have to say this evening and you might change a thing or two, no matter how tough or difficult they are. Remember to treat them fairly with respect and justice. And remember if anyone is deserving of your forgiveness, firstly, it's your spouse, then the closest family circle.

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If anyone is deserving of your forgiveness, firstly, it's your spouse.

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And then your family say remember that people say don't know that's it. Don't forgive. It's not forgivable. No, it is forgivable. Well, sorry. It depends exactly what it is. It might be so criminal that it's not

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for us as humans. But what I mean

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to forgive would you not like to be forgiven by Allah when Abu Bakr Siddiq Radi Allahu Anhu swore an oath that he is not going to forgive one of his second order relatives, not even the first circle. And he says, I've been spending on this poor person giving him and helping him and here he is accusing my daughter, the Mother of the Believers of having an affair stamp for Allah. I'm not going to spend you know what Allah says to him. Allah says good people don't say that. That's what Allah says. Good people. Do not say that. Allahu Akbar.

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Wala tele will will probably mean Come was Sati any too little por el mas kina al muhajir de Nafisa bailin. He will yeah for one years for whom? Allah to him buena.

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Allahu La vs. Verses of Surah to know where Allah is mentioning this. And he says, Don't you want to be forgiven by Allah? If the answer is yes, forgive others. Forgive them.

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And especially if their relatives connected to you. In this case, someone who did hijab, Allah says it's okay. So they are most deserving of your kindness, your forgiveness. Do you know the Hadith says, or messenger? Man, nurse or be hosting? So Betty who is from all the people the most deserving of my kindness?

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Notice the term used is not obedience. It's kindness. Obedience is for Allah. Who is from all the people most deserving of my kindness. The response came in the flesh your mother? Who mocha parlato mancala Oh, mocha, mocha, Allahu Akbar, your mother? Who is the most deserving of my kindness, your mother? And then who? Your mother and then who? Your mother and then your father. What does that mean? Those who gave birth to you are deserving of what your kindness be kind. Watch your words, you can disagree strongly with your mother, because she's a human. She could be making a mistake. She could have said things she could be rough, she might have bad characteristics, bad habits, all that

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in its place. Be kind, what's your words, be respectful. Do not drop your goodness, because your mother dropped her goodness.

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That's what we're taught.

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And your father to

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talk to them. Speak to them, respect them, honor them. They may be busy doing whatever they're doing. They according to you, they might not even have had time for you. It's okay. Are you kind? Yes. And can do you fulfill the rights on you? Why should I not fulfill the rights upon me? For someone else? Just because they didn't do their part.

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Don't do that. Allah is watching them and watching you. They might have failed. Does it mean you should fail as well?

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Don't fail.

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Be good, be kind.

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It happens a lot the other way around. What does this mean? As parents your children grow up and after a while you feel they've abandoned us? They don't even phone us they're not even interested and then you get grandchildren? And if you're lucky you have a moment with them. If not nowadays, they don't even want to see you so grandpa and grandma are somewhere in the museum Subhanallah

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we might visit them once in a while just for once in a year or maybe a little bit more or less depending on where they are. Yes. Communicate talk to them.

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They might they might pick on you. Not because they hate you because they love you but they may belong to a slightly earlier generation. Right? They may be thinking slightly different it's okay. tolerate it be kind because Allah is watching you.

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So the parents sometimes they tend to think that you know what, my child has abandoned me No, they haven't. They're just busy. They need a bit of guidance make it easy for them don't make it difficult for them when they come to visit you don't pick on XYZ they will stop coming nowadays that's what happens. You have a child coming your own children when they come in your presence and the only thing you can do is to pick on your shoes your hairstyle your this your watch the way you wearing your shirt, your trousers, they will not want to see your face ever again.

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We're going to see Granny or we're going to see going to see my mom no I don't want to even go you know what they pick on me. So be careful. My beloved parents yes, it's your duty to say but you need to also think where you live. What are the times how to communicate? Why don't you commend the good instead of just attacking the bad it's a test upon you your shoulders, you need to know realize understand, it's Allah Allah has plan he made them connected to you but the test is yours behind how many of us are so kind when we leave the home with everyone else we go to the workplace and mashallah we're so kind we're so tolerant. We're so forgiving. That was supposed to be upon a higher

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degree at home, but it didn't happen.

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Because Shavon came in shaper, coming to me no chance.

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You think that way shake hands got a grip on you. That's what it is. shaytan comes to you and I on a daily basis.

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Different ways, your thoughts, your ideas, you start thinking that you better and you do say no chance no ways to not let shame on. Get hold of you.

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Who is more deserving of your goodness, your kindness, the one who pays your salary or the one whom Allah connected you with? Through birth.

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And even through marriage, you could have had children together.

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May Allah Almighty bless all of us. May Allah grant a stay

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lengthen understanding

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this evening

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I feel

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we must dedicate to our parents.

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Those of you whose parents have passed on May Allah grant them, Jana.

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Those of you whose parents are struggling with sickness, may Allah grant him cure.

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Those of you whose parents perhaps do not have a good relationship with you, may Allah improve that.

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Sometimes there are people who are unreasonable. Like I said,

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parents are human beings, they are human, they would have qualities sometimes that require attention, right? Because they're human, they could make mistakes. And that's why Allah has not

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asked you

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to obey more than he's asked you to be kind. Obedience is for Allah. If you look at the Quran,

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there is no verse that explicitly tells you to obey your parents, but rather there are verses that tell you

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to be kind to them.

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And yes, obedience, in that which is pleasing to Allah is a duty is a duty.

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But my brothers and sisters, when Allah has connected you with people around you, your like I said, your brothers, your families, it is your duty to reach out to them to make them feel, you know what, you're a part of me and I'm a part of you. And you may be different, you might think differently, I may disagree with you strongly. But guess what we're family.

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Nothing wrong in that, in fact, it's a duty.

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The family unit has been given so much importance in Islam, and by the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him.

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Ask those who don't have family around them how it is, they probably miss them, or those who have never had family members because of circumstances or whatever it might have been.

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Ask them how they pine for that type of companionship when they see others Imagine going out somewhere and it's just you, what's the point, you need someone you need. And a little while later, you need your children, you will have to tolerate them Do you know, we cannot tolerate our mothers who might have said a word to our spouses that might have been negative, but we will tolerate a child who pees on us and we will still kiss them immediately. And we will wipe up and mop up the pee and change them and wash our clothes and still kiss them again.

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And that was not as bad as the P was it.

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I could have given you a more explicit example and P but let's leave it

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my brothers, my sisters,

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it will happen. People are people they are flawed. To be honest, none of us are perfect. Just like you have bad habits. You know, I've come across people. Now that I'm a little bit older generations you watch. And you've seen, you might have had a little bit of experience where people have said I'll never be like them.

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And their children say they are worse than those you follow what I'm saying.

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So you think you won't be like them, but the generation has moved so quickly. And everything technology has made this world so different. And every day there is movement that when you think this is something that I will never do your children think you are actually doing even worse because they live in a different generation.

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So my brothers and sisters, we we should be thinking of this, make peace with your family members.

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Even if they don't want to make peace, stretch your hand, every now and again. Not just once every year, every six months, inshallah and if you have a good relation, a decent relation, cherish it. You have to be very tolerant, don't interfere in their lives.

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Beyond a good word of guidance. That's it. Don't interfere. Because sometimes

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we field the children, perhaps our nephews or grandchildren, whoever else it may be. We feel that we should control and manage everyone's lives. That's where the problem lies.

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Allah did not ask you to manage the lives of everyone else. These are adults, they're answerable to Allah. You can say a word of guidance. You can say your opinion and move on. Keep it moving. You might lose them totally. If you want to control everything. That's a problem we face in this age. I know as a counselor what happens? People say but these people want to control everything.

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It's a headache, it is a headache. It's a problem. That's the reason why it's not a duty to live all together under one roof, just to show a unity, we're not united,

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you probably will be having a much better relationship. If you were a little bit away from each other. When you see me, you're so happy.

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Because we're not in each other's faces all the time. And there's no one single person who thinks that they can just say everything to everyone, and everyone must move upon their pace and their instruction. No, these are adults. In fact,

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parents have a duty

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to guide. And they also have, to a degree, been given a certain authority where they can crack the whip. But I want to tell you in today's society, it's better to engage your children in meaningful discussion that makes sense. So that when you turn your back, or if you're not there one day, they will follow because they were convinced.

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And they will not simply unfollow because they will only following due to the cracking of a whip. Big difference.

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I'd rather answer the questions of my child who might be questioning the existence of God.

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May Allah protect all of us?

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And engage them in discussion than to say Shut up? You're not allowed to ask. That's it. Come on. Is that really a modern day answer? Do you really think that that's going to convince this child at all? Let them ask the weirdest questions you should try to look for answers and you must bring up discussion that is relevant.

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May Allah Almighty grant Aziz, I pray that these few words I've said would actually motivate us to better our relationships in our homes.

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So we can make them beautiful.

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Sometimes,

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we want to be perfectionists Everything must be exactly put in this way done. And it doesn't have to be

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let them do their thing. These are little children sometimes

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when I was much younger,

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and I remember

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with the older children

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if they jumped into the motor vehicle, no eating no drinking, no even touching the windows that the mirrors nothing, you got to sit just like this. And if you didn't, you were punished.

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A few children down the line, they do what they want in the car. I promise you while they're drinking the juice, they might even squeeze the bottle and it comes on to me it's okay, laugh about it. You can tell them you guide them. You could have a rule. You could say please don't eat in the car. I do say it now and again. But sometimes they will.

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I remember once they

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forgot, or they dropped a little lemon in my own car. And I was wondering a few days later, something smelling something smelling and I just couldn't get we sent the car for a full wash. You know nowadays when they wash the car before wash, they miss out that lemon you know, Mashallah. So we just after some time, when I was packing some bags for some people into the vehicle, and I lifted up all the seats to you know, forward and I saw this rotten lemon and I'm thinking to myself, these kids, mashallah, you just got to laugh about it, clean it, spray it, whatever else and thank Allah and carry on, maybe show them I did. Say, Come see what happened. Look at this. Guys, watch out. But

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don't become too hard. Don't make the environment such that they don't even want to see.

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They look forward to your departure. Don't do that.

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Let there be a beautiful relationship. I tell you why I'm saying this.

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Today on Earth, we are in desperate need desperate need of this family unit. And what's happening is it's being fragmented so that people are just lost. The first thing they lose is their connection with Allah. And then they start losing everything else, one after the other. And then they get sad and depressed on their own. Do you know when you're sad, you're human. You would be sad sometimes. Just being around people who care for you is half the solution.

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Being around people who really love you, that sadness would already be remedied. It would only come in a limited fashion because you have a strong support mechanism. May Allah grant it to those who don't have it. And may Allah bless those who do May Allah help us to build it? And may Allah Almighty unite us in sha Allah in a better gathering in the era of

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could go on and on but I think I've overshot by about five minutes which is forgivable

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May Allah bless you my brother I'm connected to you got to be kind to me inshallah

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and my brothers and sisters inshallah we get a moment a bit later inshallah to greet each other for Allah wills. I pray we enjoy the rest of the evening salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah.