How Being Shameless Leads to Being Faithless

So now on a call everyone

we begin the name of Allah All Praise and Glory be to Allah Who makes financial peace and blessings be upon His messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and his family in his companions and all those who tried his path may Allah Zoa Jen grant, they'll send you a life upon his path, say Amin, and a death while adhering to his guidance. Allahumma Amin and a drink from his blessed hand on the day of thirst, the Day of Judgment Allahumma Amin and an opportunity to see the face of his Lord and ours Allah whom I mean.

It was my cousin when I was a young child, I think it was my cousin, who said to me, Mohamed, do you know why we have hair in our nose said no. Why?

He said, because when we sleep

before the cockroach goes inside your nose, he gets to wipe its feet.

But then I grew and I learned that actually that hair is there to tickle your nose so you can sneeze and clear it out. Who knew that?

I shot Allah turned out that was also wrong.

But it was basically right.

That Allah azza wa jal to place these hairs on the outermost part of our nose like airfilter, basically, so that you know, we don't get infected and infested with the viruses and you know, the sinus infection will destroy you, until you eventually sneeze, or another gift, Allah gave us the instant shell, the nasal irrigation where you flush it out in a loop.

And I said Subhanallah that's amazing hamdulillah my cousin was wrong.

But you know that Allah does that for you. You know, it's like your nerves also, Allah placed our nerves in our skin in our outermost layer to prevent it's like an alarm system. So pain is felt out here before the damage happens in unthinkable ways within your body.

But what I realized, as the years went by, is that Allah also created an outer line of defense and alarm system, for our spirits for our soul, our hearts, and that is called higher, high yet meaning healthy shame. I like to translate it as healthy shame. It's so important to human flourishing and human decency that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said there was never a prophet, except that he said to his people, if you have no shame, than do whatever you want, meaning you're gonna find yourself, if the first line of defense is compromised, you're going to be doomed to basically you're gonna likely find yourself in a very, very dark place. And I also know that in our day and

age, with the extreme push the extreme proliferation, promotion of radical individualism, that has also stripped us of being able to imagine that shame could be in any way shape or form beneficial, right? Any positive connotations, even though by the way, the experts themselves like psychotherapists, and behavioral sciences, they tell you no, no, no, a healthy dose of shame and we know being to a shame is a complex it's a problem. There are people that abuse this concept even in religious language they do sometimes they over guilt you and they gaslight you but they're saying still don't throw out the baby with the bathwater. They said, a healthy dose of shame is what

prevents a person from steamrolling ahead in ways that they can never come back later and fix points of no return. They said people that have low shame are the same people that have greater likelihoods, who have personality disorders, who have unsuccessful relationships. And it makes sense because if you don't ever own and feel guilty, or remorse or Twitch, you're always projecting blame on the other party. It's all their fault, and it's also theirs to fix. I can fix it. I didn't do anything wrong.

But wait. They even said there is a clear and direct link

between sociopaths, meaning the cruelest human beings ever, and pathological liars, people who lie even when they're not cornered, even when they don't even need to lie. Those two people there's a direct link between them and the absence of any sort of sense of shame or guilt whatsoever. They have been able to strip themselves of the inconvenience of feeling conflicted, and that is why they go to such a dark place. As the Prophet alayhi salatu salam said, you don't have it. You will never know how far you'll go. And so our Prophet Beat, beat them to the surface and he beat them to the study.

And he told us about us before they told us about us. And so saying hamdulillah for Islam,

he told us value sheen. He told you grow it. He told you develop it not just person to person, not just in terms of self image, but turn it into a sand, turn it into your watchfulness with Allah, your religious conscience.

You know, for example, the angels, the beautiful angels, he said, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, on the Day of Judgment, when Allah revives them, returns them to consciousness. The first thing they will say is to behind a camera but deny Kahakai badass, glorified you are Oh Allah, we haven't devoted ourselves to us the way you deserve devotion. They felt a sense of shame, right? A beautiful shame. Or even the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you know, when he went up and received 50 prayers in the night and day, every time you would return to the fifth heaven, Musa alayhis salam would tell No, no, no, no, I tried the people. They're not going to handle it. Ask Allah for

reduction. And so he continued going back and forth, till it became five. And then Musa alayhis salam said, no, no, no, ask Allah for more. He said sallallahu alayhi wa sallam I've asked Allah had this the hate until I become a shame. How can I see generosity like this? And it's not even about fear of Allah anymore. I'm so in love. I'm so enamored that I'm ashamed to ask for more.

You know, actually another concept or another incident here that shows you the beauty and the perfection of the shame of the prophets. When when the guests use the overstay their welcome at the prophets house, right.

Anybody would write you sit you eat, you keep staying and they just lose track of time. Allah said in Nidalee come Cana, you didn't be here for a steady income. While hola hola you're stuck him in and help. The Prophet

was bothered by you overstaying Your welcome, you ate now leave, and he was ashamed of you or in front of you. But Allah is not too ashamed to speak the truth. Think about that. The Prophet Mohammed is the one being generous, but he felt that you're being generous for accepting my invitation. So how do I tell you to leave? This is the shame of generosity. It is another beautiful shame that our deen teaches us to grow. And then of course, what I want to spend the rest of the lecture speaking about is the shame of chastity, the shame of formality and respect and reverence and regard between men and women. You know, when one interesting Hadith

a woman came to the Prophet sallahu alayhi wa sallam, and she said to him, how do I make sure my prayer is valid, like washing after my cycle is over? He said, You know, you, you take the ritual baths, that listen, he said to her, then you take a cotton

and I will be ambiguous on purpose.

And you perfume, this cotton, and you complete your purification with it. So she said, What do you mean complete my purification with it?

I mean, there's no shame in making sure your Salah is valid. He didn't tell her Don't ask such questions. But he didn't want to be explicit, from his beautiful hya sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So he said Subhanallah like figure it out, like Subhanallah complete your purification with it. And she didn't want to take any chances. So she repeats the question, how exactly do I take this perfume, cotton and complete my purification with it. And so I Aisha, our mother saves the day or the Allahu Ana, she pulls her aside like come here, woman.

And she says to her that are buried behind them just follow along the traces of where there was blood with this perfume.

But I just want you to picture it to notice it. The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam.

He didn't want that formality to fall, because if it falls, you can never predict, let alone control how things become.

And notice also that he had more higher than her. So this Hyak concept, whoever thinks it's about women, wrong, whoever thinks is about inferiority, or defect wrong. This is a safeguard and emotional safeguard. You get triggered in a sense, you become averse in a sense, in a way that will protect you from the slippery slope from going to places that are beneath you. That's what it's really about. Abu sorry that Audrey said the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had more higher, had more healthy shame than a virgin girl in her deepest room. What does that mean? You imagine a girl that doesn't mix with guys much right? If you were to catch her off guard, just barge into her

deepest room where she's least expecting it

What would her reaction be like Abu salah, it said the Prophet of Allah had even more shame and modesty than that, when something would be offensive, he wouldn't be able to hide it from his face, he would react. That was from the health of his heart that heightened sensitivity.

And so after establishing all this, I want to do something I'm sorry, a little bit uncomfortable. And I only have 10 minutes to do it. I want to take this higher discussion, this healthy shame discussion, and apply it to our context, the gender relations context, because no one really is and forgive me, I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable. I don't want to alienate anyone. But at the same time, even if the medicine is a little bit bitter, a little bit sour, we want it to remain on the shelf, right? Because if we just give in, if our heart just embraces and accepts and becomes desensitized to the evil around us, in our hyper sexualized culture, then what will happen next, by

the way is that our mind will begin to justify it. That clear. It starts off as a shoe a shoe or a desire, and then it mutates into a Shubha confusion and doubt about the religion itself. And that is why this is related to the conference's theme, protecting our faith, shame. lessness is the precursor of faithlessness not having faith anymore. I didn't say this. The Prophet alayhi salaatu wa salam said this, I'll hire when a man who Corina Jamia hire shame, healthy shame, right? Those of shame and faith have been interlock either roofie I do human when one is removed, the other goes with it. And so I'm gonna lean on the brothers a little bit and forgive me. But you know, it's not

forgive me because man bashing is like a currency these days gets you props. And then I'm going to lean on my sisters a little bit and forgive me. And then I'm going to lean on you both. So you can throw me out and ask the organizers not to bring me back to the conference. Okay. So let me lean on the brothers a little bit

to begin with, and speak about lowering the gaze.

Lowering the gaze 2022, who talks about lowering the gaze anymore? I thought they said the chef was born in America and who knows what time it is not the 90s anymore, lowering the gaze. Yes, lowering the gaze because our Lord said so subhanho wa taala. Allah protected us by saying lower the gaze from everything inappropriate.

On the street, and the new street is our palm, write everything in our palms.

Because even if you can't lower your gaze, I'm telling you stay conflicted. And why I say this to the brothers. We just need to be honest here. Lowering the gaze for wisdom that Allah knows is more emphasized on men looking at women than women looking at men for another time, but this is why I'm leaning a little more on the brothers here.

Every time your eyes slip that says that thriller and acknowledge there's something that went wrong here. Don't lose hope. Don't feel powerless. But also don't give in. Don't get comfortable. Keep the higher alive. Or else if you don't, then you will start looking for longer periods and start thinking movies are just harmless. And then you get sucked into a generation may Allah protect you have people that feel utterly powerless

in front of pornography. This is a reality. I just want to be a little bit Frank. This is the continuum. If you don't have it out here, it will wind you up there. And we should all know that. You know, pornography is not a harmless fantasy, pornography fries, even your brain's ability to process pleasure any longer, because you consume in one hour, but generations before you could never consume of arousal in a lifetime. And you're consuming things that don't exist in reality, so how could they ever be matched in real life?

And that's how you look at our deen and Allah azza wa jal says Holy Namaha Rama rob the Alpha Hashem Alpha Rahman Halima baton say to them Oh Mohamed My Lord has yes forbidden things because they are in decent, some of them apparent some of them hidden are redeemed didn't wait till we all everybody knows the word dopamine now till all our deen prohibited us from experiencing the dopamine rush that could actually destroy us now. Put us at places where nothing will ever satisfy us. And I want to also say doesn't just ruin the sexual appetite. Forgive me for the frankness, even though I will continue to be as ambiguous as possible. It even will deplete your manhood in terms of your male

strength. You know fighters know this. Athletes know this. They stay away from sexual content contact even with their spouses by the way days before their fight days before

Are there a match because their male force, their male strength, their male energy is depleted by it. And I want to tell you that if you need help, go seek help. Don't ever get comfortable with your condition. I have a good friend of mine who has been going to therapy since last year for this. And he said to me the other day, you know, I realized that it's actually doable, but I can actually lower my gaze and take control of my life back. You know, because you say like, oh, lower your gaze where exactly how exactly do I lower my gaze? You know, one young man said to a shift, shift your tone deaf, you don't understand. I walk this way. There's a girl I walk this way. There's a girl I

look up to make sure there's a girl in the balcony, right? Or in the billboard. Right? No, but it is doable. He said that when I just said to myself, Okay, for the next two, three hours, I'm gonna lower my gaze, I realized I was stronger than I was. And that sense of accomplishment created like a beautiful cycle. And it got better and better and stronger and stronger. And you know, this, you know, and Ramadan, you realize you're stronger than you think. He said, and I want you to just bear with me here. He said, This person who had that addiction, after I was able to take control of my eyes back.

And I was no longer now at the mercy no longer being shuttled between shuttled from one arousal to another by the circus ring leaders that have engineered the modern world in this way. Right. He said, I realized that it wasn't just my heart that was compromised, I was complicit. I kept throwing out these justifications that make no sense.

I was okay with

an industry that is that is

involved in trafficking of human beings and of children and mental health crises. When I stopped, only then did the lights get turned on for me.

And you know, it's so interesting, the idea of lowering the gaze and sort of the node, the verse of light. And that is why early Muslims would say, Whoever lowers their eyesight, Allah unleashes their insights, then Hamdulillah, for Islam,

and then our sisters.

Because let us also be honest, there is greater consideration for the modest dress of Sisters in Islam than brothers, even though we both have to cover at a minimum. But there it is disproportionate for wisdom that Allah only knows. And so when you find yourself loosening up top or tightening in certain places, tell yourself I should not be comfortable with this. Yes, we want to give our sisters room to grow. But we have to also revive the higher to protect our sisters from slipping. It is one continuum. And if you don't, you will be like also those people outside who are brainwashed into saying anything and everything to justify it. You know, people for example, you

know, they they speak about the respect bodily autonomy, forgive me slogan, and it's right. I mean, if someone slips a drink, or a drug into your drink, to manipulate your body, they should be punished, right? Why don't we think that slipping an image of an uncovered woman at every turn does not manipulate a man's body? Why don't we think so? Why should there only be

the agency to flaunt curves and look seductive and turn heads and make someone drool but not the agency to pursue what is being showcased in front of them? And you know, I swear I have three daughters, and I swear I'm not some, you know, extremist, crazy chef, you may not know me, but like, hates women or something, I think and I worry about this every day. Because when you just accept those double standards, and you just you don't push back at all, society tries to suppress the natural response. And so it goes underground, and then it has to explode. And then you say, Oh, you too, it was me too. And then you have the me to movement, which is tragic. Don't get me wrong, but

nothing unexpected about it. Even if you gave 13 months out of the year to domestic violence, awareness, you still will not prevent unwanted sexual advancements and the dehumanization of women and objectifying them without Allah's guidance. So people wonder what what does Allah wants from me, Allah told you, you read the law when you have free francomb Allah wants to lighten your burden. Allah wants to pull you out of that grind that that churning atrocity

will only occur in son or daughter Eva and the human being was created week that I in an ISA came down in the context of sexual propriety. Allah said what you read the Latina tiberiu, inertia harati and to me domain and Avena and those who are obsessed with the worldly desires, they want you to deviate so far. The fashion Lord somewhere that keeps snapping their fingers and telling you by the way, your wardrobe was five minutes

Single. And by the way, some scholars say that 1400 years of scholars got it all wrong. A jab just means attitude of modesty, right?

Allah wants to liberate you from all that. I remember a good sister I used to read for for a long time, Sister Sharifa. Carlo, she says it was only after I covered my head. And we all know hijab is not just covering your head. I know, I understand, she said, but when I covered my head, only after that did I sort of open my mind and realize everything that was happening here.

If I can just have one more minute, the third where I will lean on both of you. How yet in terms of marriage, if you're stuck in a relationship, or dabbling with the relationship outside of it never stopped feeling conflicted about that, even if you're stuck in it right now.

Or else you will begin to think that anything could ever be fulfilling in life after faith than a functional family, where the kids are in suffering, where you truly are each other's rocks, that can only happen through character, not through chemistry, and all this other stuff that we don't understand how it got to this point.

And if we undermine the utility and the value of family, Wallah, he, no one will suffer more than our sisters. You know, in the past, women made men commit, there was a certain standard of Manning up before you could have access. But now when the slogan of freedom for women actually granted men, unworthy men, free access to women, now the man has no reason to step up. No reason to qualify, it is now a buyer's market. He gets to pick whatever he wants, and then we say there's no more good men out there. And then it becomes a world of Xena. May Allah protect us. And that is why Allah said Don't come near it. Well, that's a caribou. Don't underestimate this. Every single person that has

fallen into Zina comes to the chef and says, I have no idea how it got that far. Right. They all say the same thing.

It says if Xena as a wild animal, that you think you're far enough from the cage, so you underestimate then it grabs you. Allah said Don't come near it. They very very, very far. So saying hamdulillah for Islam, say Alhamdulillah for Islam. I know I'm sure that my passion about the subject, made me oversimplify many things or come off as Oprah's oversimplifying them. And I know that we need holistic solutions. I just wanted to say that beginning with Alhamdulillah for Islam is where we start looking for those solutions and protecting our faith as a byproduct of that is like a level playing on salah, so nobody's gonna be number

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