Reflections on Marriage #7

Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Sharif Colombia Vermouths ready Muhammad Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the Sleeman Kathira cathedra Homi Bhabha, the Wunderland sisters, I want to

close with the last one of these, the seventh one with a thumbnail recap.

And that is

let me begin with what the marriage married home or marriage home is not.

It is not a boxing ring. It is not a battleground.

It is not a place where you show how smart you are, or how

powerful you are. It's not a place where you score of sarcastic points of your spouse.

It is not where you laugh at your spouse. It is not a place where you

show up. How stupid your spouse's because remember there was so if you show up how stupid they were, then remember that they were stupid enough to marry you.

It's not a place, which is not it is not even a dojo, where there are not bad battles, and mock fights between

two partners. A marriage Home is a place that I mentioned of tranquility, of peace, of harmony of place, which is completely and totally safe. A place which were neither of the spouses needs to have any defenses against their spouse. It's a place where you can sleep peacefully without a loaded gun under your pillow. It's not a place where you smoke the peace pipe, but keep the gunpowder dry, because you might need it. It's a place which is free from all of that. It's a place which is completely safe, where you can just be yourself without any problem. Without any criticism. It's a place that is free from criticism. It's a pray place that is full of appreciation and praise, even

if it is not deserved.

It's a place where you

feel as if you are the best person in the whole world.

It's a place where

your spouse makes you feel what your dog believes you are,

which is the best person in the world.

And this is really simple. This is really, really simple.

And that is

to remember two things.

One,

make this

oath to yourself. And I'm saying this to the people who are not married, make this oath to yourself before you get married. And if it's looks like this too much, I'm sorry, I can't do that. Then Do yourself a favor. Do your spouse futures, not to be spouse a favor, and don't get married.

Do not get married. Get married only. If you can stand in front of a mirror and say this say what I'm going to say just now. In so many words, looking at looking at yourself in the eye and believing this and take an oath to yourself promised before Allah that you will do this. What is that? You say that I am going to spend the rest of my life making my spouse, the happiest person on the face of the earth. Let me repeat that. I am going to spend the rest of my life making my spouse the happiest person on the face of the earth. Now go stand in front of a mirror. Look at yourself in the eye. Say this in so many words and see if that goes into your heart. If it does not go to the heart. If it's

something you don't like, if it's something that makes you makes you want to puke maybe if it's something that you think you are completely insane to say something like this, then believe me my brother, my brothers and sisters, you're not ready for marriage. Do not get married. Because if you get married without this oath, then be prepared for starting a life which will be a living hell on this earth. You won't need to go to hell, you will already be in it. Because if you can

It convert your home into a battleground into a place where you are constantly scoring points of your spouse, where there is lack of trust, there is suspicion where you are checking each other's mails and each other's phones and where you are up where you insist that your spouse must give you their their password for their for so that you can go in there and check their messages on WhatsApp or whatnot. If all of this, believe me, I'm not exaggerating any of that. I'm not exaggerating any of this stuff. This is the stuff which comes to me when people come to me for counseling.

This and worse, if this is what you plan to do, believe me, your Jahannam has already started your job start right here. My submission to you is don't do that yourself. And don't do that to another person.

So say this to yourself very clearly. And as I said, you can't say no problem, face it. Now, I address this to the people who are not married yet. But I'm saying the same thing to those who are already married, maybe married for decades, maybe maybe in marriages, which are really negative, please

stand in front of the mirror and say this yourself, I'm going to make the rest of my life, I'm going to spend the rest of my life

trying to make my spouse the happiest person on the face of the earth.

Right, say this, and then go ahead and do it.

Believe me, it's not going to be easy. But it's going to be much less difficult, and much better, much more pleasant than spending your life

in a battleground, where you cannot trust your spouse. And your defenses are up constantly. That is really need it it is living hell on earth. And it is a ticket to an early grave.

Do not do this yourself. Go say this to yourself. And if that go and I really do believe and hope that it goes into your heart. Go ahead and you have a beautiful, beautiful marriage. Just as I said, your health begins here. Your hammer also begins here. There is nothing more beautiful than being married to somebody who you spend your life try to make her trying to make him the happiest person on the face of the earth. Please understand, when your spouse married you, they do not marry a psychoanalyst. They didn't they didn't come to us to say please change me. I don't like the way I am. And I'm submitting myself to you, as you're moody as your disciple, as your slave, as your

client, as your patient, for you to change me into something which you have, make me in your own image. They didn't say that to you. Right? Go look up the marriage vows. Go look up your your your marriage license, they did not say that to you. They didn't come to you with that that is not your marriage contract.

They didn't come to you because because they needed psychiatric treatment. And they think they think that you are a psychiatrist. They didn't come to you because they need to psychoanalyze and you are the analyst.

They didn't come to you because they think they need to be changed. And you know, revolted. And you are the sculptor or the carpenter, no.

They married you.

Because they wanted a husband because they wanted a wife. That's it, what is the husband or wife, the most beautiful companion that you can ever imagine?

My brothers is think about this, marriage is the most unnatural thing in the whole world.

Nobody marries except human beings.

And that is why it has to be done consciously. And it has to be done according to the rules that Allah subhanaw taala sent. And it has to be lived in the way that I'm telling you, which is spend the rest of your life trying to make your spouse the happiest person in the world in the world.

It is not natural. And that's why it must be lived like this. That's why it's so beautiful.

Language is not natural. But that's what gives us the ability to communicate. And for us to last long after we are dead. Where our ideas will float around in the world for 1000s of years up to this day or reading Plato. He died 2000 years ago. And that's thanks to language.

So the point I'm saying here is that, make sure that you say this yourself. And the reason I'm sure this is you know this must be clear now to anybody. If both spouses are saying this to each other, then they have they're looking at the most beautiful life in the world. Because the husband is trying to make his wife the happiest person in the world and she's trying to make him the happiest person in the world and between the two of them they've got it made

and find

Why'd you know why we you know why we need to do that? Because when we start before Allah subhanaw taala, we will be questioned about our duties, not about our rights. Let me repeat that. And we start before Allah, we will be questioned about our duties, not about our rights. Many times, people come to me and say, Sure, please tell my wife, what are my rights?

Or say, Please tell my husband, what am I rights? So I'd say to them, instead of that, let me tell you, what are your duties, both of you, you fulfill your duties, and your spouse's rights are automatically fulfilled, because your duty is her right. Your duty is his right, you fulfill your duty, the rights are automatically fulfilled, you focus on duties, your rights get fulfilled, you focus on rights, nothing, nothing happens. And both of you are going to live in dissatisfaction. So forget about rights, focus on duties, fulfill your duties, and the rights of your spouse will automatically get fulfilled. Both of them and both of you will be good before all of us.

I wish all of you a beautiful marriage. And I wish you beautiful communication. And as I mentioned, talk to each other, talk to each other. And I as I mentioned, spend time with each other, don't become strangers. And even if you have become strangers, remember, the longer you stay strangers, the more difficult it will be to break the ice. So break the ice early, as early as possible. Which is like today, which is the minute you hear this car this reminder. Go into it. Go talk to your wife, talk to your husband go hug them, let them be shocked. Doesn't matter. That's that's a beautiful shock. You never did that for the last 20 years. Do it now. Take a gift, kiss them, give

them that gift. It doesn't matter how old you are young you are is do that. And believe me it's like magic. You will see that you will see the difference before you arise.

Or Salalah up well Ali he will say be a member