Reflections on Marriage #6

Solana river hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Shara Villa ba will mousseline Muhammad Rasool Allah is Allah Allah Allah He while he was able to sell them to Sleeman cathedral cathedra. From my brother my brothers sisters, we talked about the first quality or first essential ingredient of happy marriage Allah subhanaw taala mentioned which is so cool. The second thing which Allah mentioned was ALLAH buena. Kumada. Allah said, and we have placed between you love, love is not sexual attraction. Love is

something of the heart, love, the basis of Love is Respect. There is no love for somebody you don't respect, we're not talking about loving your cat or your dog, we're talking about who you will be. It's a question of love comes out of respect, respect comes out of taking a genuine interest in what the other person does, and who the other person is, who the other person, what the other person represents in life. That comes when I say genuine interests, it comes out of not wanting to change them into a into a model of yourself. Everything is related.

If you genuinely respect somebody, we respect their differences. And as I told you, the only thing that you need to be concerned about is if that difference is in God is contrary to the Sharia. As long as that is not the case, leave them alone, right write this down in big letters, and stick it on the wall and look at it every morning, leave them alone Alhamdulillah they are different and that is fantastic. That is beautiful. Convince yourself of that because that is the truth. Out of that will come love when you when you respect somebody, then you learn to love them, you learn to you that respect will grow in the form of love in your heart. And that love will then be visible in your

speech in the way you act with them and so on. Second thing we love is also expressing that love demonstrating that love, don't wait to the street that is not, not even not Islamic. And that is not even nice.

In the home, in your in the privacy of your home, right? Kiss your wife, kiss your husband, do that multiple times a day, not just once.

Sit with them, hold hands, hug them, bring something nice for them, whether it's flowers, or a bunch of bananas, I don't care, whatever they like, do something which is good for them. Not as an occasion not because it is their birthday, not because it's your anniversary or not because of it something because they are there for them, do something special for them cook something nice for them, which they like to eat, and so on so forth, and over and over what the diets do that in a nice way, which is which they will truly appreciate. And do this over and over and over until

death does you part because this is the this is human nature. Human nature is that we love good thing which happened to us. And we want more of that, as well as ourselves that give gifts to each other. He's talking about stranger about what not what marriage is. Even more this applies to marriages. But he's talking about just people together Brothers Sisters in Islam, he said give gift to each other because it brings the hearts closer to each other. Again, by all means, you know, use the occasion if you'd like I got nothing somebody giving his wife or the wife giving the husband a birthday present. But don't make that one one day in a year. Do that all the time. Again, it doesn't

have to be expensive things.

Something to show that you thought of them that you care for them. Second thing is sharing each other's interests, even if it doesn't interest you that much. I'm not saying pretend that do on one.

You know farce, but show interest. Think about that. And ask yourself what is it in this that I love?

It's very important to show interest in each other's work show interest in each other's interests. This all of this builds love that to express this love, show that Muhammad Allah said I put it there. So let us enjoy it. Then the third thing Allah said is whare and he put mercy mercy is the ingredient for forgiveness. We ask Allah subhanaw taala for forgiveness not because we believe we deserve it, but because he's merciful and that law my nigga for one to help build our full five one Allah you are the one who forgives. You like to forgive so forgive me forgive me because you like to forgive not forgive me because I deserve to be forgiven. No. The reason I'm saying that is because

many times when there are misunderstandings, or when the when the spouse does something that the other one doesn't like people like to keep these. They keep these negative memories. They keep these these disagreements. They keep the stockpile all the all the bad thing

Another person said, maybe the person was angry, maybe the use of words they should not have used even they regretted, you know, but we stockpile all that, remember, that is like stockpiling garbage, you only you are going to smell the stink of that. And if you want your life to be a large garbage bin, full of smelly garbage, that is your choice. But if you want your life to be a beautiful bouquet of flowers, that is also your choice. Because believe me, that person who you are who you married, is not a bliss is not Shaitan. There is I'm sure there is there are many, many, many good things they did. It's your choice, what you chose to remember out of that to pick and to

stockpile. So, decide what you want, you want a life and memories which are beautiful and fragrant, that is your choice, you want a life of memories, which are nasty and stink, that is also your choice. Mercy is to forgive mercy is to show respect. And to be kind when the person needs that the most. Right? Women go through PMS every every month, they are quite literally

mentally stressed out. At that time. That's when they need that's when they need support. That's when they need you, too. I always tell people, the secret of a marriage is is is selective memory. Not in anything else in life. But in marriage. selective memory. Remember the good forget the bad. Remember the good forget the bad. Be a mirror which shows only the good side, not the bad side. Remember, you are the husband, you are the wife, you're not the counselor, you're not the coach, you're not the mentor. You're not a jailer, you are the husband or the wife. Forget all the all the rest of it. Remember the good, forget the bad. Literally Forget it, remove it from your memory.

Remember the good, forget the bad and you will find you have a beautiful marriage. Mercy means to forgive. Many times people come to me when I'm counseling and they say oh, but you know, she did that. That is why you need to forgive her. He did that. That is why you need to forgive him. Why are you forgiving him? If he never did that there was nothing to forgive. He did that. Fantastic. Great. Good news. Now go forgive the man.

He never asked for it. Sure. He never asked for forgiveness. Very good, fantastic shows he's human. Forgive him anyway. Forgive him anywhere

and show that forgiveness. I go give him a big hug. Kiss him, make an ice maker, make some nice food that he loves to eat and we will have to stop him from give freedom that yourself he will be a slave for life. Seriously, I'm telling you, this is in your hands. This is in your hands

up to you what you want to do. So Maota

is love and Rama is mercy. We ask Allah what is Rama? Let us show that Rama Anna Salam said in the famous Hadees in Musa Baba, he says he said this in the in the hotbar from November, he said show mercy to those on the earth. And the one above the heavens will show mercy to you and the person to show mercy to number one your life is your own spouse. It starts with that then show mercy to everybody else. Many times we have situations where people are very merciful and very beautiful behavior outside the house outside the home. And inside though, is a different story altogether. Please let us not do this. Let us not do this brother and sisters. This Ramadan comes for us to sit

back and reflect and reboot and revamp our lives. No matter what you did till now. It doesn't matter. Whatever you did now, if it was good hamdulillah thank Allah subhanaw taala continue it. If it is something which is which was wrong. Stop it right now. It doesn't matter what you did now. Stop it right now for the other person, I say, Have some mercy of the person if he's stopping that bad behavior. Don't keep reminding them. Don't stockpile that. Oh, but you know this what you did? Big deal, right? So then he's going to just continue to do that forever, because there's no there's no benefit in stopping, but he's still getting reminded. So you may as well be whatever nasty piece

of action he was. So please don't do that. Forgive, forgive, forget, change, help the other person to change. And remember that you need change more than anybody else. So you're not as I told you, you're not the jailer. You're not the coward coach, you're not the counselor, you're not the mentor, you're not the teacher, you are the wife or you are the husband stay within that within the framework of that role. And you will have a beautiful, fantastic marriage. The reasons marriages break down is because the husband or the wife stopped being husband they stopped being wife and they start playing games with all kinds of other roles which they wish your spouse did not sign up to

when they married you. They did not do that. They were not married barring a counselor or a jailer or a teacher or a

Enter or, or they will not biting their chef, right or the chef. They were marrying a man or a woman, as a wife or a husband. Stay with that and you will be happy and the marriage will be very, very successful break out of that and play a game with that. And may Allah help you because nobody else will. We ask Allah subhanaw taala to make this Ramadan the best yet of our lives and to remember that there may not be another one was salam ala Bukhari while it was I remember how to go holla