Marriage & Career Planning

Mirza Yawar Baig

Channel: Mirza Yawar Baig

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Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Sharpedo be able mousseline Muhammad Rasulullah, sallAllahu, alayhi wa and early he was able to sell them to Steven cathedral cathedral from a Mughal my brothers and sisters. The topic of today's seminar is marriage and career planning. Somebody asked me what is the connection between these two and I said to him that if you do not have a decent career to look forward to, then probably your marriage is going to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. And that's not the best place for a marriage to be. Let me start with the beautiful hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu Ferrier Muslim Mustafa Puna Lei

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and narrated by none other than Abdullah Gemasolar. The Alonso, one of the greatest of the Sahaba was also salam. About whom Rasul Allah is Allah itself said that if Abdullah bin muscled tells you something from me then believing this is the level of trust that also lies I sort of had in season Abdullah in the Masada dilemma, underlining muscles or vellano narrated that also Eliza sort of said, Oh, young men, listen carefully, or young men, Whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast for that will be a shield for him. As I mentioned, this is this hadith says he would have upon la agreed upon and it is in Bukhari and

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Lucia. Now, think about this. Who is Allah? Who is Rasulillah Salam advising to get married?

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Did he say, if you are 20 years old? If you are 18 years old and get married? Did he say? If you are

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you have you know this?

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What do I mean he? Did he give her age or something? Or did he say if you are pious and you're praying five times a day and so on, then you get married. If your hormones are running, right, when you get married, if you're walking around in a testosterone induced haze, then get married. He's in Syria, where he said, If you can afford to get married, so what is the focus on the focus is on whether or not you can pay for your marriage, and whether or not you can support your spouse,

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your wife in Islam, it is the sole responsibility of the male of the to support his wife and his family.

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So can you do that?

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So first and foremost,

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if you think you are ready for marriage, for everything else, ask yourself a simple question. Am I making enough money to pay for him to pay for my marriage and to support my family? My wife to begin with? And then if fer if you have children, and those children? Do you have this much of money or you have a career? That's the reason I said if you don't have a great career or decent career to look forward to, then probably this is not the time for you to get married. And then the bottom is also loves it. He said if that is not so and it's probably not so for a lot of young people. Then he said fast.

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While it is fast, we just gave her a rather what is the purpose of fasting the whole so you become with the whole Now many times many of the bieng rather than the committed with is a chef we should get married to stay out of Hara. Now that is the dumbest and the most stupid statement that you can make as a Muslim.

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As a Muslim, that is the most stupid statement we know I'm saying they're so stupid because as a Muslim, where is the option for you to go into haram in the first place?

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You have an option to go

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right? Haram is haram Haram is what Allah subhanaw taala prohibited Allah subhanaw taala Haram is what Allah subhanaw taala will punish us for if we deliberately do it. Allah mashallah unless he forgives us, but otherwise we are certainly culpable and liable for punishment from Allah Samantha, why would a Muslim we would think of going into Allah number one, number two, see the alternative.

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Allah Subhana Allah della promised the shade of his Earth on the day when there will be no shade except his shade

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to seven people. One of them is that young man and of course in all these are Hadees when it says young man it also means a woman, but that young man who resists the urge to have illegal sexual intercourse,

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right, he is he has the option he has the opportunity somebody is inviting him. Person inviting him is is very attractive and so on and so forth. Right? Like Like usually silabs case, this woman who was trying to seduce him, she was a beautiful woman. She was one

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These powerful everything is usually Salam went away from that he asked Marthe Allah, may Allah protect me. I seek the refuge of Allah subhanaw taala a person who does that. Allah subhanaw taala promised him the shade of his arch on the day when there is no shade X appreciate.

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Now tell me, how difficult is it for you to to avoid harm when you're looking at this as the reward for for avoiding?

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How difficult is it is the easiest thing in the world. So what's the what's the big problem? We are not robots, right? We are not animals. The moment you see something, you have to eat it the moment you see something or to grab it No. Allah subhanaw taala made us human. Allah gave us intelligence. Allah gave us knowledge. Allah subhanaw taala gave us this beautiful Deen Allah gave us his Kitab Allah give us His Rasul Allah subhanaw taala gave us wonderful examples of good character and good behavior. Whereas in our Vedas, fornication or whether analytic I would do it, so forget this completely stupid statement. I must get married to avoid haram No, you must improve your taqwa to

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avoid haram and for that reason as a result upset fast. Because fasting increases Taqwa fasting makes us both the whole so to avoid Hara you don't have to get married to avoid haram you have to increase your taqwa. If you are being attracted towards haram it does not mean that you need to get married it means that your iman is a desert is at stake. Your Iman is weak.

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So work on the man.

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Right? Fasting, because Taqwa is a shield against salah. If you can afford to get married, or Pardue please do. But if you cannot afford to get married, then fasting because it helps us to increase support. Now, those of you who think that oh, but you see my father will give me married No, if your father can afford to get married that is he will get married is not for you.

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Then tell you a funny story. I was in 2003 I lived the whole year agenda.

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I had a driver who used to take me to office and back obviously the castle technique every single day he would tell me shuffling the girl for the

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first time when he asked me when he asked for this device and love for what he said I want to get married and you know I'm desperate to get married so please enjoy the relationship give me a good way so it's okay Shall I go?

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Now one day he came when he came to pick me up from the office. He's very happy. So I said sure whatever you look very happy he said yes.

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Today after I dropped you I go home and my father is taking me to

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see this girl to meet this girl to her parents who July if I find like her and everything else is okay then inshallah I will value so I said Oh fantastic. Great Room. I was accepted. hamdulillah so that definitely the next one when he came? Yeah, he had a long face and you know to be depressed and sad, right? It's not gonna happen. Are you looking to give a funeral something? Isn't for to do bad news. Whatever, whatever. Whenever you did you meet the girl. Is it? Yes. Do you like the girl? Yes, I like so whatever. He said my father, my father married

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his third wife

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his father went to see the girl for him to him to him also to see the well the father like the girl. So it's the it's another boy. Providing the vulnerable was

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right. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, smart woman. She doesn't want to marry the young guy and swap floors for the rest of her life. She is this older man above and readymade. And the mother is what is I imagine if you if you if your father got married in his 20s and he's married for 25 years, this is body vibe. Right? So this is good for a few more years. Now Jokes apart the point being that marriage is for those who can afford it if you can't afford it, or if you can't afford it fast. And if you are attracted towards Hara, what does it mean? It doesn't mean you are ready for marriage it means the image is at stake. Therefore develop Taqwa. Now,

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what are the requirements for marriage? In my view, there are five basic fundamental requirements. First of all,

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you need to be physically mentally and emotionally mature.

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physical maturity is a given, right? It's a function of age. So if you if you grow old enough, you will be physically mature, but mental maturity and emotional maturity or options. mental maturity depends on on your life, your experience.

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Your reading your education, your intelligence.

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emotional maturity is even more. It's how you handle your feelings.

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Especially how you handle your anger, how you handle the wheeling courts and negative negative feelings, how you deal with frustration how you deal with, with, you know, loss, how you deal with failure, how you deal with depression, all of these things together. And if you're doing well on all of those, then you are emotionally mature, the number of people who are emotionally mature is very small.

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To add to that, usually, almost always, men

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mature later than women.

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Right?

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that in mind, so first requirement, physical, mental, and emotional maturity, second requirement, commitment and attitude towards Islam. We'll be talking about Muslims getting married. So are you committed to Islam is your spouse committed to Islam? Then I said attitude towards add to commitment is my personal practice of ID. So I if I pray five times a day and I pray in the masjid and so on, and so more than I fasted I give zakat and I do Hajj, if I if I can afford it, and I try to live my life as a good practicing Muslim, I follow the Sunnah of Rasulullah Surah setup, I follow the orders almost ran into both to the best of my ability, all of his hamdulillah is very good for myself.

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Attitude is How do I look at others. Now you have two kinds of people, you have people who for whom everything is okay, halal and haram, and you're no problem everything is fine. Now, this is not the kind of person you want to marry. Second, if you are that kind of person, then you need to change. Second thing is you got the opposite side, which is that people who are used on criticizing others, so constantly, they will they will have, you know, a expression of, of being critical on their faces, the whole conversation is negative, the whole conversation is pointing fingers or others at finding fault with others, and so on and so forth. Now, very extremist views, right. So if it is,

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and usually such people will belong to certain groups, and they are very rabid and very rigid about belonging to those groups.

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So somebody is, you know, whatever, I don't want to take names because I don't want anyone to feel offended about that. But the point is that the you know what the kind of person I'm talking about, stay far away,

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stay very vulnerable. You want somebody who is who is proper practitioner of Islam, who practices but who has tolerance, who has understanding who has flexibility, who is open, who is accepting of difference, who's accepting of others. Now, by that I don't mean accepting haram know what Allah has privated Alas, privated we this will be this is not negotiable, but between what is haram? And what is, you know, just different in terms of

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another person's

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practice of Islam, there is a big difference and therefore being flexible and accepting of differences important number three, financial independence and responsibility. I already mentioned that if you cannot pay for your own marriage, and if you cannot, if you do not have money, to support your spouse, and Inshallah, if you have children and children, then you are not ready to get married.

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Right? Marriage is not your father's responsibility. Marriage is not your responsibility. If your father wants to get married, and Indian marriage is your father, it's not his is not his responsibility to get humanity. So don't even ask. And if you're asking him, then please forgive me for saying that you are a beggar, then you don't go with the Bible in hand to get married. So know, if you don't have it, if you can't afford it, forget it. You need that self respect to be able to stand on your own feet. Number four, very important is not even in in the order of priority. Manners.

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Believe me, a pretty face.

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You get used to that in two weeks.

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But manners are for life.

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And in manners, it begins with a smile on the face.

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Right? Imagine waking up every morning and looking at a grouchy face. There are people who aren't I mean, it's amazing. It's

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you know, how do you get them to smile? What do you do with it?

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In my experience, were many, many years of experience. I myself be married for 37 years.

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But my many years of experience in counseling people, marriage counseling.

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I have had probably maybe one or two cases

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of people who had some major issues,

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which is why the marriage was going back to them. You know, very serious issues. Vast majority almost everybody. So out of 102 people in 98 people.

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The issues were so called small things

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But you know, the small things, period going on and on and on and on become very big things. And one of the most common of the small things is a grouchy miserable expression on the face. So please might write, you're not dead yet. So please smile,

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then a sense of humor, not mocking, not sarcasm, a sense of humor, being able to laugh mostly at yourself, and of course, laugh together with your spouse, very, very important. And then of course, intelligence, and most important kindness, being kind. And kindness means mercy, kindness means forgiveness.

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Very important diligence is hugely, hugely important. And intelligence is reflected in the kind of reading that you do. So if you are talking to a prospective spouse, ask them what I really that will give you an the that give you a lot of information about what kind of person that is. And then be prepared to answer the same question yourself, what are you reading?

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Finally, as I said, a viable career? I'm not saying you have to be the CEO of a major multinational corporation. No. But what is the track?

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What are you doing today? In what line? What does it show? What is your future, all of these things are important because marriage is not a personal thing is not only about you, you're talking about somebody else's life. And therefore it is something that must be taken seriously. So I'm going to give you a little exercise, which is to write to make your own balance sheets, your assets, and your liabilities. As a prospective person who's interested in getting married, I call this the manageability, self assessment test

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takers, you of paper, draw a line in the middle, on the left side assets on the right side liabilities, and fill that in and see what it looks like. And then ask yourself a simple question. The question is, would you marry you?

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Meaning that if you were the girl,

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and you receive this asset liabilities sheet, would you marry that person?

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So would you marry you?

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And then what you do is gap analysis. So what's the gap? As I said, Five things number one is belief. What do you believe? What does she believe? What in that is flexible, what can change and what cannot change? Beliefs are very important. Okay, that's very important. And marrying somebody with the wrong app, either with the intention that you will change them is almost always suicide.

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Almost always it results in a divorce. Because people do not let go of their beliefs and you're feeling that Oh, but you see, I can go into that family and I can change them is more than likely a figment of your imagination is not going to happen. So I would say stay far away. If there is a fundamental difference in belief in the akiza between the prospect of room and the prospect of right, stay far away. Number two behavior in your own behavior, what must change? What can you change by when can you change it?

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And it begins with a smile on the face, which I'm talking about, right? How long will it take you stand in front of the mirror to do it tell people to take

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you know, photographs of you when you are not aware and look at those pictures. So behavior what must change and this is only one thing there may be other things you know, behavior which need to change. So what will change? Among other things is also for example, what time do you wake up in the morning in IFC marriages where the marriage fell apart because one of the spouses will not wake up in the morning to do this libre late? I know one marriage is broken. We literally broke up into the Love marriage broke up because one of the spouses and I won't say bride or groom because of this, this goes all over the world. One of the spouses

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too late at night, right? All right, let me say it it was a it was a man, the man too late at night would be on Facebook

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is his wife, his young wife, his bride is there in the room.

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And he's on Facebook.

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What is even a

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user habits they need to change their addictions, not just habits, their addictions. So if you are addicted to these things to social media, for example, then design

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your Wi Fi your social media, which 1/3 One financial very, very important, how much must do and by when should you be able to earn that this will depend from country to country. So depending on which country you live in

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How much do you think you need to be able to earn in order to afford a wife?

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And how long will it take you to get there, depending on what you earn, you know, then culture, very important, especially if you're marrying somebody from another culture, again, a Muslim, but for example, if you are marrying somebody from a from a different culture, a different nationality, sometimes those differences can be huge. And adjustment can become difficult. Sometimes adjustment is almost impossible. A marriage is already a meeting between two people with diversity

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variables, the more the variables, the more the chances of things falling apart. So try to reduce that. I'm not saying goodbye to somebody from another culture, by all means do that. But keep your mind open about that. Be prepared to accept things which you probably have never seen before. Again, as I said, I'm not talking about haram, I'm talking about just, for example, the food we eat, there are people in there in those cultures, the kinds of food they do never ate before and you probably cannot eat, if you want to try to do a Do you will, you know, it will do wonders, it will do bad things for you.

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So how will you live in that scene in that situation. So many things like this, the be clear about the culture, and then who else is involved. Now, especially with regard to join families, which happens in the in all South Asian families,

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you don't marry one person you want to go family,

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which means that everyone in that family is going to have something something to say about you, they will have something to say about what is, you know, within what's good and what is not good, and so on and so forth. And more than likely you are going to be living in that family

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as a member of their family, meaning that the parents in law will be there with you. There, your husband, or your wife, siblings will be there with you. They will be living people rhombus even there are people that our opinions and then our likes and their dislikes, and so on and so forth. Are you prepared to live with that, because it is very unfair. And it is a recipe for disaster. If you go into their family get married there and then use areas but we have to live up we have to live apart. We can't I can't live here, we have to do something that is grossly unfair. And it is a recipe for disaster because you put the bar in the place where he has to choose between his wife and

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his wife and mother or his between his wife and his parents. And that is a horrible choice. Right? So be clear in your mind

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that you want to be in that situation. I know. I know. I know, people who get marry into a joint family as a brilliantly happy, they're very happy. They're absolutely delighted. I also know the opposite.

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You have to decide which one you are. Right. So how much to what extent are other people involved? And what are the implications of that environment? And then say, How long before you are ready to get married? Looking at these parameters? Right? Right. Now, let's come to the issue of,

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of careers.

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Sybil syndrome, for a good career, what must you do?

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Invest in yourself?

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What is your investment in yourself? That's the question to ask. In terms of career planning, what is my investment in myself?

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Between growing up and growing old,

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there is a short window where we can make a difference. Once that window shuts, our life is over, even if we remain alive. Because to live is not nearly to drop. If I say to you that your window is open now.

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Are you prepared to take advantage of that window?

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Think about that.

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That's why we call this a window of opportunity.

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Most people get in once in their life some people may get

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maybe twice in a life,

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but usually not more than that.

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So being prepared to take advantage of the window of opportunity is a factor of preparation beforehand. And that preparedness is one that is your ad that is your experience. That is the kind of mentors you have. That's the kind of friends you have. That's the kind of level of life experience you have. And the more you live thoughtfully, the more you will be prepared to take advantage of the window of opportunity when it opens.

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Now I want you to change your thinking and your language. There is one word in our vocabulary called sacrifice. I want you to take it out of the vocabulary and throw it in the garbage and ensure that the garbage

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A truck takes it away.

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Because sacrifice is a lie, there is no such thing.

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The biggest fallacy that we have is that we need to sacrifice to succeed, that's rubbish.

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What you need to succeed is to invest in yourself. Now, what's the difference is not about semantics is about mental attitudes, what a sacrifice is for a sacrifice to happen for something to be a sacrifice, two things are required. Number one, the thing that you are sacrificing must belong to you, I cannot sacrifice your house,

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I cannot sacrifice your life, I cannot sacrifice your money, I can only do that with what I want. So to be able to sacrifice something, I must own it. Number two,

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if I'm sacrificing something, then necessarily it means that I cannot and should not get any return for that sacrifice. I can't say I just sacrificed my car for $50,000 who did not sacrifice your car, you sold your car

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that you sold your car because you paid you got $50,000 price for the car

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is not a sacrifice.

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What do we need to do to succeed to invest in ourselves? Now,

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as I said, two things necessary for sacrifice. And the third thing what sacrifices sacrifice always ends?

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What do I mean? I mean, that if I am giving something for no return, there is a point beyond which I will stop you.

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That's intelligence. I won't I won't give until I'm standing there naked has never happened, right? So I will give it to a certain I will give to a certain point after that. I say sorry, this is enough. I just can't keep on giving without any return. But is there a limit to investment? No. them more I invest, the bigger return I get and this is a lifelong thing. I can continue to invest because I'm getting a return. That's why it's very important to be able to invest in yourself and to be clear about what return you're getting. Now with regard to Allah subhanaw taala Allah's Robertson, mangia Aviles and it for no issue Uppsala, Allah says the one who comes with one good

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deed I will give him 1010 times that

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1,000%.

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Right. But here we are talking about careers. For example, if I read a book, which is useful for my career, is this a sacrifice or is investment is an investment because I've read this book, I get the knowledge from that book, and I apply that in my life, the value of that, to me is far more than whatever price I paid for the book.

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investment in yourself. People who succeed are people who invest in themselves. And they understand that the more you invest, the more you benefit, not anyone else yourself.

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So my question is this, what did you invest in yourself this year?

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You need to be able to do that. Specifically?

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What did you invest in yourself this year.

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And that's why I say that sacrifice is what the chicken does for you. Tommy Richie lost his life so that you ever meet everything else as a realtor.

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So remove the word sacrifice, replace it with the word investment, and invest in yourself. Now, focus on your career, because your career is your legacy. This is what you are going to leave behind these are the memories that you're going to leave for the people who live with you work with you, your children, your family and so on. This is what will differentiate you this will what will distinguish you this will what will make you stand out in the community and in the world each other.

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I thought I wanted to share with you is that it requires effort. The only thing that comes simply by waiting for it is depth.

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Everything else needs effort.

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There are four steps to a great career.

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four simple steps. Listen carefully. The first one is to pick your field. Now this sounds like a no brainer. But the number of people who just grow into something because my all my friends were engineers. They join engineering college. So I also have Why did you go join engineering record? I hate engineering. Okay, very nice. Why you hear that? All my friends join. That's the dumbest and the most stupid reason and it is the most common reason. People go and start studying and they start making a career in something they don't even like because their friends were there. Now that is a very dumb reason. So first and foremost, consciously pick your field.

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And one way of doing that is define what you want to achieve.

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I say to people think about what you want to be remembered for

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and work on that

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Okay, and we're gonna remember, this is a lifelong thing. So you need to have passion about what you're doing because you need to find joy and fulfillment in the effort. The journey itself should be exciting. The journey itself should be something which is fulfilling, otherwise, you will not sustain it.

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So, pick your field. Second one is gap analysis, meaning I'm here today, this is what I want to. This is where I want to be. Here today. This is the company I want to join. This is the job I want to get into.

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What is the gap? And how do I bridge that gap? Number three metrics? How will you track your progress? Are you doing well? I'm doing super well. Are you doing badly? And what? And the fourth one is structure? Which is the actual roadmap with timelines? What is my daily timetable look like? Let's look at each one of these equity. First of all, pick your feet. What do you want to be known for what you want to be remembered for? Think about if I was if I'm now 80 years old, I'm looking back at my career. What is it that I will feel? When I look back at my career?

00:31:14--> 00:31:19

Right, I suppose a you, you ended up as this as the CEO of Coca Cola or Pepsi.

00:31:21--> 00:31:26

And now they reflect back and say, Well, what did I do with my life? I sold colored water which was full of sugar

00:31:28--> 00:31:29

for the whole of my life.

00:31:31--> 00:31:38

Imagine you are you you retire as the CEO of Marlboro, or something, some cigarette company?

00:31:39--> 00:31:43

What did you do in your whole life? I manufactured and sold cancer sticks.

00:31:46--> 00:31:54

Think about this, you would have made money you are aware plenty of money. All these jobs our job which will? Were you earning millions? Doing what?

00:31:56--> 00:31:59

Spreading sickness and spreading disease and spreading death in the world?

00:32:01--> 00:32:18

So ask yourself, what do you want to be known for, and pick that field, one of the ways of doing that is to once you pick a field for us or you're considering a field, go and find somebody who's already in that field, go and find somebody who's already doing what you would like to do.

00:32:19--> 00:32:39

And request them to allow you to spend a day with them, shadow them for the whole day. See what the day looks like. And then imagine if this is what you are doing and you are to do that the whole of your life is something you would like to do. You want to be a surgeon, for example, go and talk to a surgeon and say can I please come and spend one day in the hospital with you see how you feel.

00:32:41--> 00:33:21

Maybe he will allow you to operate the operating theatre and the first incision he makes blood comes out it will drop dead, died, but you fit then maybe surgery is not the place for you. So spend, try to talk to somebody who already in that job and spend a whole deal with them was even longer if they are willing to put up with you until you are clear. In your mind, this is something that I would like to do. Right is very clear, the clarity is absolutely critical to success. If you're clear, you need to be clear about what you're going to do. You need to be clear about the return for that. What is the reward for that?

00:33:23--> 00:33:53

Second thing is gap analysis. As I said, I'm here I need to be here. What is the gap that I need to bridge. This would be in many cases it would be education might be an academic education might be a technical education. In some cases, you might do need everybody to get a doctorate even to start. For example, if you say my career, I would like to be an academician. I would like to be a professor at university it begins with a PhD. Without a PhD, you can't even apply. Right? So it's a

00:33:55--> 00:34:03

fair amount of several years of studying. Yeah, I want to be a medical doctor in the United States, you talking about six to eight years of study. Okay.

00:34:05--> 00:34:16

I want to be a pilot in a commercial airline, you're looking at several years. So the point is that, depending on what you want to do, what is the gap time effort investment?

00:34:17--> 00:34:28

And very importantly, whose support do you need? And you're linking in back to your, your spouse? Is your spouse going to support you and support you and only financially?

00:34:29--> 00:34:35

If you are a man? It's not our job to support you financially, but emotionally, the time and so on? So

00:34:37--> 00:34:45

is your spouse ready to support you? If it's an again, it's not without looking into marriage? who support me you might need support of,

00:34:46--> 00:34:59

of key people, mentors, role models, you might need the support of, of maybe friends or whoever, who are these people, number one number two, once you identify that person, have you spoken to that person

00:35:00--> 00:35:13

When that person support you, or this is your this is a figment of your imagination? Oh, for example, yeah. And I know so and so, you know, so and so is that so and so willing to support you? Is that going to be there when you read that person?

00:35:14--> 00:35:16

Right? So you need to be clear about all this

00:35:18--> 00:35:58

gap analysis. And in that gap analysis, of course, companies you have time, how long? How long will always take for you. Third one is metrics. What you don't know what you don't measure, you don't know what you don't know, you cannot control what you cannot control, you cannot guarantee this is the basic principle of life. Therefore, metrics. You need to measure everything needs to measure to measure we need a benchmark. So who is your benchmark? Or what is your benchmark? Right? You say, Well, I want to become a leader, who's who's your benchmark. And don't say Russell was awesome, because this is a for both of us, we just say this is not something that we really are serious

00:35:58--> 00:36:16

about. My suggestion is find somebody in today's world, somebody you know, somebody you could go talk to, and say this person's marriage, but then what do you mean by that? And this is that person, what what aspect of that person's life? Are we talking about what you are taking as a benchmark?

00:36:18--> 00:36:40

Your personal metrics? What do you how do you define success? You might say, my personal metrics is that I must create 100 Every single day that I know that my day started, well, then I must say I was pretty tired. I was I was read one wonders of Quran before Salah to further there was go press or the budget in the budget, then this is my personal metrics to say that my day started were

00:36:41--> 00:36:42

not that keep them

00:36:43--> 00:36:47

keep them. Similarly, you might say, Well, I must read one book a month.

00:36:49--> 00:36:52

You might say I might I must write one article a month.

00:36:54--> 00:37:01

Whatever that metrics, you need to clear, clearly state those metrics. And you need to stick to that.

00:37:02--> 00:37:29

And then what are the payoffs and penalties? If I stick to the metrics? How do I reward myself? If I don't stick to the metrics? What is the penalty? What will I do? I'm going to give $100 in South Africa, every time I missed 100, see how well your target will work after that. Right. So metrics is very important to set for us for ourselves and to stick to that to follow that.

00:37:30--> 00:37:44

Finally, last one structure, structure is the key structure is this great secret of efficiency, of effectiveness, of consistency, and of quality.

00:37:45--> 00:37:59

Without structure, you cannot achieve any of these things. You may do something well once like a flash in the pan, but it will not continue because there is no structure. Structure begins the daily time to

00:38:00--> 00:38:07

what time do you wake up? Do you make your bed? Do you polish your shoes? Do you clean your car before you drive?

00:38:08--> 00:38:26

What does your house look like? What does if you are living in it? Even if you're living in one room? What is that room look like? Does it look like? Like a like a disaster zone? Or does it look like something which is neat and clean and inviting? See when you come back home in the evening? It's an it's a neat and clean and inviting place? Which one?

00:38:28--> 00:38:31

Right, daily timetable? What do you eat? How much do you eat?

00:38:32--> 00:38:41

Are you maxing out on on carbs and sugars and you end up looking like a pregnant cow there's nothing is nothing remotely romantic about looking like a pregnant cow.

00:38:43--> 00:38:58

So lose weight and you won't lose weight by donating money to the gym, you lose weight by going and working out in the gym by running 10 miles a day. Right? So these are things that are very, very important as far as careers are concerned as far also as far as managers are concerned.

00:39:00--> 00:39:05

If I was hiring for a job, I would never hire I would never hire an overweight person.

00:39:06--> 00:39:10

Because it shows that this person has no control over themselves.

00:39:12--> 00:39:21

They are not disciplined. And if they're not disciplined, they're not going to be disciplined by workplaces and they're not going to be doing what I want them to do in a disciplined way because they have noticeably

00:39:25--> 00:39:25

so

00:39:27--> 00:39:30

your own structures Secondly, who are your friends?

00:39:31--> 00:39:33

We are a product of offense.

00:39:34--> 00:39:39

Somebody said you are you You are the product of the five people who are close to you. Who are those people?

00:39:41--> 00:39:43

From a religious angle from a career angle,

00:39:44--> 00:39:50

we get pushed if you are if you are with intelligent people if you are with high achievers, you become a high achiever because they keep pushing you

00:39:52--> 00:39:59

and you push yourself peer pressure, positive peer pressure for higher standards. For greater for greater you

00:40:00--> 00:40:00

achievement.

00:40:01--> 00:40:18

And the opposite is equally true. If you are with people who are dumb, people who are gossiping all the time, if you're with people who's, you know, with great thrills of out of substance abuse or whatever, you know, negative stuff they do.

00:40:19--> 00:40:22

And that's what you will be that that's what you will you will become,

00:40:24--> 00:40:42

please do not believe that you can go out there and change everybody else know, the chances of you getting changed by them are far higher than the chances of you changing them. So, have positive friends. And if you have negative friends in your environment, jettison them now, delete them right now.

00:40:43--> 00:40:59

In this whole process, also is the time that is spent on social media, please get out of every single social media except the one that you absolutely need to do something worthwhile. Treat social media like toilet paper.

00:41:01--> 00:41:03

We need toilet paper. And you know for what,

00:41:05--> 00:41:12

but that's it. You don't carry a roll of toilet paper in your in your in your, your hand, everywhere you go.

00:41:13--> 00:41:15

You use it when you need to use it. And that's it.

00:41:18--> 00:41:23

Believe me, if you don't do that, you will never achieve anything in life. Because social media is the biggest

00:41:25--> 00:41:33

drain, for emotion, for passion, for time, for energy, for everything.

00:41:34--> 00:41:51

And if you think that social media is not changing your mind, if you think that social media is not leading you steer your thought into this other direction. If you feel that that social media is dopamine addiction is not having you believe me, then you are talking something against what every other expert is.

00:41:54--> 00:41:56

So good luck to you, you will get nowhere.

00:41:57--> 00:42:03

Get out of social media. As I said, using like toilet paper, what you need to use only to that nothing more.

00:42:05--> 00:42:15

And the bottom line question here is therefore what do I need to change in myself? Because if I'm going to be doing all of these things, then I need to change something in myself, what is that thing.

00:42:16--> 00:42:20

And remember, always excuses don't change reality.

00:42:22--> 00:42:23

Excuses do not change and

00:42:24--> 00:42:27

you want something for ourselves, we have to invest.

00:42:29--> 00:42:34

Commitment is the line that you cross between wanting and doing.

00:42:36--> 00:42:41

In 1983, I decided that I wanted to be a management consultant.

00:42:43--> 00:42:50

It took me 12 years to start my own company. Those 12 years, I worked a full time job.

00:42:52--> 00:42:57

I used every penny I had for my education and training.

00:42:58--> 00:43:01

And I did not take a single day's vacation for 12 years.

00:43:02--> 00:43:04

In the course of that I got married.

00:43:06--> 00:43:10

And I have a beautiful wife who supported me in this whole thing.

00:43:11--> 00:43:15

And 12 years eight of 1980 83 in 1994.

00:43:16--> 00:43:21

I set up my own consulting company, and I became an independent consultant.

00:43:22--> 00:43:34

And then from 1994. In 2000, I decided to super specialize in family business consulting. So I wrote a book on family business. It's called the business of family business.

00:43:35--> 00:43:39

This whole journey of mine from being

00:43:40--> 00:43:49

a corporate manager for 16 years, and then changing to or evolving into an entrepreneur.

00:43:51--> 00:43:54

I wrote a book about that also, it's called an entrepreneurs diary.

00:43:59--> 00:44:09

Then I spent a lot of time in my corporate career and helping people get into jobs and career counseling and so on so forth. So I wrote a book called hiring minutes.

00:44:12--> 00:44:14

In the course of this 12 years, I

00:44:15--> 00:44:17

got myself an executive MBA

00:44:19--> 00:44:26

and no money. And there's a whole struggle of how to get his money and so on and so forth. All of that is in the book called The entrepreneurial when he read it.

00:44:29--> 00:44:34

The reason I'm saying this is because Al Hamdulillah from 1994 to today,

00:44:35--> 00:44:41

I build an international practice in leadership development, consulting, super specializing in

00:44:43--> 00:44:44

in family businesses

00:44:46--> 00:44:50

and then bridging that into the area of Islam.

00:44:52--> 00:44:56

And there my USP my unique

00:44:57--> 00:44:59

contribution and hamdulillah

00:45:00--> 00:45:06

is to bridge the gap between serving theology and modern everyday life.

00:45:07--> 00:45:10

How do we live Islam? How do we leave Islam?

00:45:12--> 00:45:31

For that, in my view, the absolute number one example is the sort of lies and it's our Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Dinesen. So I wrote two books on the life over sort of, one is called Leadership Lessons from the life of Rasulullah sallallahu sallam. And the second one is called Sierra is the answer.

00:45:33--> 00:45:46

I designed two programs. One is a five day leadership course called the LEC Leadership Excellence course. And the other one is a two day course called seal as the answer. And this code these two courses I have taught all over the world.

00:45:49--> 00:45:57

Australia, UK, Nigeria, several Middle Eastern countries, South Africa, India.

00:46:02--> 00:46:03

You have to

00:46:04--> 00:46:14

work, you have to make effort. And you have to make unique effort in an area that nobody else is there. That is how you make a name for yourself.

00:46:16--> 00:46:17

That's it

00:46:18--> 00:46:32

isn't it's very hard work. And you will do that only if you're passionate, because you will enjoy doing it. So commitment is not talking commitment is the line you cross between wanting and doing.

00:46:36--> 00:46:43

In the course of all this, the number one skill to learn is the ability to get along with people

00:46:44--> 00:46:53

with new subdivisions, which needs a lot of forgiveness, which needs tolerance. Within sometimes a thick skin

00:46:55--> 00:47:01

which needs very good communication skills where you can link with people, you can speak to the hearts of people.

00:47:04--> 00:47:06

The ability to get along with you.

00:47:08--> 00:47:21

John D Rockefeller said the ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee and I will pay more for that ability than for any other under the sun.

00:47:24--> 00:47:28

The ability to get along with people this is social skills. This is

00:47:30--> 00:47:45

this is the ability to communicate clearly. And to touch the hearts of the number one skill that you need. Start now. If you are five years old, starting out if you're 10 years old, start by going 100 years old start damage start now.

00:47:48--> 00:48:02

I want to end with the very last port of G which I always use and that is success is where opportunity meets preparation or preparedness. Success is where opportunity meets

00:48:03--> 00:48:04

preparation.

00:48:07--> 00:48:09

Opportunities are everywhere floating in the air,

00:48:10--> 00:48:14

but only those who are prepared to take advantage of them succeed.

00:48:17--> 00:48:52

So let me close with giving you a chart which is a SWOT analysis. What do you see are your strengths, your weaknesses, the opportunities that will be available to you if you leverage your strengths and the threats which are the threats which will likely to affect you negatively if you do not leverage your strengths and if you allow your weaknesses to overcome, I wish you all the very best in your careers and inshallah new managers and may Allah subhanaw taala be with you and help you in every way. So sallallahu alayhi wa aalihi wa sahbihi

00:48:54--> 00:48:55

wa salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa