Lessons from the Anbiya #81

Mirza Yawar Baig


Channel: Mirza Yawar Baig


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The importance of reflective observation during difficult situations is discussed, including finding ways to change one's behavior and learning from experiences to bring up lessons for life. The concept of "immediate experience" is also discussed, which is related to the belief that everything is clear and clear until someone reaches a point where they become fearless and disrespectful. The story is about forgiveness and amends and compensation for anyone who has done malicious behavior.

Transcript ©

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salam ala Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala shortfilm ba will mousseline Muhammad Rasul Allah is Allah Dahari UI Ali, he will save you seldom to Sleeman, Kathira and cathedra from ababu mighty Sisters, we are on the beautiful story of dowry salaam, one of the greatest Ambia of Allah subhanaw taala, one of the two who were kings and the two he and Sullivan is were the two who brought the one Israel into and they remained in what is known as the gold as the Golden Age.

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We talked about Tao there is Robin

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and his model

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his, his his attributes and the good things that lacinato said about him. Now, the other is Ram reached the stage of being a king

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through by the training that Allah subhanaw taala put him through,

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and we have in the last

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lecture on the, on the qualities of now that it's around, especially when he took the decision to fight

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dilute Goliath, we have seen the role of courage and initiative and

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how that is so important to go forward.

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experience comes through knowledge and its application in life, and then extracting valuable lessons from that experience of applying knowledge in life. And then applying those lessons to further and future challenges as they come. So it's a combination of four things.

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There's a

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David Kolb

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postulated a theory which

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we call the theory of active learning

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or adult learning. And he talks about he says first part of it is what he calls concrete experience, which is something happens to you.

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And the second part of it is he calls it very nice terminology, he calls it reflective observation, you reflect on what happened to you. So, now you are out of that scene, whatever happened to you happened to you, whether it was good, bad what not, and you are out of that scene, you are now thinking about it, you are reflecting on it. And when you are reflecting on it, you are trying to recall it in as much detail as you can recall.

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Now, remember, this is not the same as brooding is not the same as you know, like people do who, especially those who have negative experiences, they just dwell on them the brew around them, they and then drag them into a spin of depression, we are not talking about that we are talking about analytical observation of what happened in your life. So, when you are reflecting and observing when you are in the stage of reflective observation,

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you will not brooding on something, you are thinking about it very constructively, very, to the extent possible, very objectively

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and in an unmarked, Ihsahn kind of way. So you're not giving yourself all the brownie points and you're not giving somebody else all the blame, you are looking at it and in that in the sense of saying, Well, say for example, to make it more concrete, take for example, a domestic conflict between

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you and your husband, uh, you and your wife. So, at the time of the conflict, the conflict happened, whatever was the reason for the conflict. And

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things were said, by both people and you count you came out of that with a heavy heart. You came out of that you felt hurt, you felt offended, and so forth. Now in the sense of reflective observation. Now, when you're observing, you're observing in that sense of reflective observation in that stage. You're not sitting in that stage and saying, oh, you know, what, what a nasty character that is, and how horrible and that's the reason why my marriage is on the rocks. And that is the reason no, you're not doing all that you are. It's like looking on as a third party with him.

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disinterested meaning disinterested in the, you're interested in the in understanding not in the result of whatever is happening to you here as an observer.

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You are saying that Okay, so this is what, what led to this conflict?

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What did he do? What did I do? What did she do? What did I do? What could I have done differently?

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What were my options at that time? At the time when this conflict was brewing before it actually broke before it actually, before we came face to face and we said what we had whatever we said,

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what were the factors will lead to this conflict when this conflict was brewing? Why was it brewing?

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What could I have done? And remember, you're saying I have done for this? for one simple reason that is only, you know, have control over what you do? Right? Nobody else? Nobody else can have control over what you do. So there's no point in saying this is what my husband could have done this is what my wife should have done? No, what could I have done? So as an individual, what could I have done to

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deflate and defuse that conflict before it actually became a conflict?

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I did not do that.

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But these are the options available to me. So you're looking at it in a very objective sense. And you're saying these are the UPS these are the

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these are the alternatives, these were the options that I had, I did not take them I took something else. But the other I could have done something as well. I need not I was not forced and compelled to behave in the way weird.

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Then you go to you go forward from there and you say, okay, so this is what, then you say now.

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going forward, my

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actual now in the in the face to face? State?

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What are my options? My husband or wife said this, and I reacted in this way. Okay, that's what happened.

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And that's why the, the recollection of the concrete experiences is important. This is what happened. But what other options I have? One option, obviously, I had was to remain silent.

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lips are sealed, I say nothing. Remember always that until you say something, nothing could happen.

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Right, at least no adverse effect can happen. Usually, if you remain silent, then you cannot end up in a bad place. If you speak, then it's entirely possible that you might end up in a bad place. The famous quote of said an hour north of Brazil, and he said that I have never regretted my silence. He said, I have regretted my speech many times.

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I have regretted my speech many times. But I have never regretted my silence.

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Right. So this is a very important thing to,

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for us to, to think about. And to keep in mind.

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That silence is a very big benefits, very, very benefit. saves us a lot of unnecessary trouble. If we just keep our mouth shut. Many times you feel compelled to speak. But later on, when you reflect on that time and so on, you'd say well, why was I compelled to speak? Who was asking me who was somebody standing there and asking me what is your opinion? Give me a right now. I'll give you a billion dollars or I'll put a bullet in your head. I mean, what what why did I need to speak? If I had not spoken so what?

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What would have changed on the face of the earth?

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And what did change on the face of the earth because I spoke

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and if the incident if it ended up in a bad way, then it ended up in a bad way. And I was a contributor to that. Right? I'm not saying you are entirely responsible. Maybe you're not but definitely you are contributor and your contribution is your speech.

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What you said so this reflective observations phase is where you are reflecting on all these things in a very objective way, nonpartisan way you're not taking sides. You're not saying Oh, but you know, for this other person if only that person was different? No. I think this is mine.

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And I'm not saying you should blame yourself. I'm saying accept the fact that own in your life the only one who you can control is yourself. And the only one who can make a difference in your life is yourself.

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You cannot control anybody else.

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If some if people could control others, then

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uncle or source of Salah Abu Talib would not have died without him.

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I would journal Ebola

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Not a bad argument, because as soon as there is an unwanted demand for it

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but No,

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Allah put the control in the hands of the individual and Allah subhanaw taala that opens the door for that individual the door on which an individual is knocking.

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They did not knock on the door. So that door is not open. Even though the Sir Joshua Hidayat,

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the founder of guidance was Muhammad salah, he was there

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despite that, they did not

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manage to drink from that fountain because they had no thirst for a lie.

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The fountain is always there.

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But to drink, Allah does not take and open our mouth and pour the water inside No.

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To drink is our responsibility, we have been given the freedom you want to drink fountain is there you want to die of thirst. That is your choice.

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So reflective observation. Third stage from reflective observation is a very, very important stage. And that is the stage of abstract conceptualization.

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I'm talking about about all this in the context of the story of the other is what do we learn from the stories not only the other is around but from all the MPLM so after reflective observation now I had the concrete experience whatever happened to me all the feelings and everything that's there, I bring it here into reflective observation. And now I'm

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mentally reliving that, again as I said, Not reliving as in brooding and going into depression but reliving as in watching an experiment happening

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and ensuring that I have observed all different angles of it. And from that I conceptualize

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so what did I learn from what happened?

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Sad, glad bad mad feelings,

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all the data, what is my learning, and that learning is called abstract conceptualization. This is perhaps the most critically important part of everything because what we do not conceptualize, we really do not learn.

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We may tell ourselves that we have learned but it has it doesn't have

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learning means conceptualizing.

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So once we have this abstract conceptualization,

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then we take this concept, this learning and we apply it

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in the next situation in life. In this context of marriage, as we're seeing the next potential conflict, we apply the abstract concepts. So for example, one abstract concept that I can gather I come up with to say, Keep silent.

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So next conflict, I don't talk.

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Another upset concept might be to say that even though no matter how difficult it might seem to be, you know, what our distaste for? It might seem to be, I am going to go out of my way to be nice to this other person, to my spouse, who is, you know, right, I don't they're not my favorite person, but doesn't matter. I am going to be extra nice to that person.

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No matter what they say or do.

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When I when people come to me with his mother in law, mother in law, daughter in law conflict, I always tell the daughter,

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I said, go and hug your mother in law, kiss her on both cheeks.

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Right? Be very, very, very sweet to go out of your way. If she likes some particular thing, go make a special effort. Go cook that and give it to her and sit with her and 70 until you eat, I will not do you have to eat this and so on and so on.

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No, it's very tough. She's a nasty. That's the reason I'm saying stuff. But fighting with her daily is also tough.

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And she's not going to disappear. She's there

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to do this,

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and you will see how she will change.

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So one of them tell me about you. If I do that she'll die of shock. I said what's your problem is solved

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one way or the other right.

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abstract concept, and then active experimentation.

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We apply this concept

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and we say how does it work? To give you an example of this in a slightly amusing way.

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You know, the Emperor Akbar Akbar had what he called his north and his, what he called his nine jewels and these were nine great scholars of the time and so on.

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And of course, not all religious scholars, but you know, scholars of different kinds, one of them was

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rather beautiful.

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verbal is generally portrayed as a

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in the role of a court jester, but he was not he was a very wise man. And he was humorous used to make jokes and so on. But he was a very wise man and he had he had he was a teacher he had much to teach the king

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so one day people said to him,

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I have a cat that is afraid of milk.

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Sagar says, How can a cat be afraid of milk? He said, Yes, my cat is supposed to bring the cat so because cat was brought in they brought a saucer of milk they put the milk there the cat took one look at the milk and disappeared.

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So we will see, I told you my cat is affordable.

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Now if you think about this, well, how would he have achieved this and obviously they you know, before SPCA Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, this cat would probably have been given this milk, which was extremely hot, skelding milk and the cat put its mouth into that and got scalded and ran and after that the cat doesn't touch milk anymore. Now linking this to the theory I talked to you about which is understanding concrete experience reflective observation, concrete, abstract conceptualization and active experimentation. If the cat had applied this theory, what would happen? concrete experience I drink milk and I get burned.

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Now problem is because not enough abstract.

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Not enough reflective observation. So the cat jumped from

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the experience to the concept. That's the mistake. So the cats drank the milk milk but scattered. So the cat forms the concept. Milk burns.

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So don't drink milk any more.

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wrong concept

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is it does milk burn. No hot milk burns. Milk doesn't burn hot Melbourne's. So what was the temperature? The heat? That will happen if you do abstract conceptualization. So if the cat had sat under a tree and thought, well, you know this will burn but I have done milk before. And milk doesn't burn. So what was this about this milk? What was it about this milk, which was different? And it could say, well, this milk was hot. So it is heat which burns not milk. So now abstract concept is what

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tests the temperature before you drink.

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I'm sure it happened to practically every one of us would have drank coffee or tea without carelessly and suddenly we get your mouth burnt down is all

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scattered. But do you give up tea and coffee? No. Because you are not a cat, you you have been through the reflective observation phase. It is heat response. So next time maybe if the cat is given milk, the guard will probably put a tail into it and test the temperature before it brings the book.

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Now the reason I'm saying all this is because

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in the stories of the mayor of a salon,

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we are getting all this whole thing, but we have to extract the abstract concept from it and say what do I learn?

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What do I learn? This is what I tried to do in the last

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class which you saw, where I spoke about the what I call the six rules of David, the six six rules of boundaries. When you are small when you are weak, when you are indigenous to the world, to the world, you are small and weak to the world, you are

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under resourced.

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How do you turn that to your advantage?

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When you are facing an opponent, in this case, it may not be an opponent who's after your neck, it may be an opponent in terms of your career going forward, it might be meaning time is your opponent, or it may be circumstances that you want and maybe it's the market segment you're trying to get, which is your opponent. How do you deal with it?

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With overwhelming force? How do you deal with a very strong opponent when you are not in don't have that strength.

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And in the last class, I explained that in detail, so I'm not going to go over that now. But think about this.

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That is the benefit of abstract conceptualization, the story is there of the other Issara. And whichever one we have, we have been doing

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now we need to reflect some of the reflection I'm trying to do for you with the class. Also the concept but this is something where you must work on your own and reflecting in the context of your own life and say what do I learn from this which I can apply my life and then active experimentation Don't. Don't forget to apply it in your life and extract

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more learnings so when you're doing active experimentation, when you're in that experiment, it's concrete experience and then you need to sit and reflect and then you need to

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conceptualize this like imagine, imagine a sort of diamond like this, you know. So, concrete experience, reflective observation, abstract conceptualization and active experimentation which goes back to communities. So that's the, that's the theory. Now that is.

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Now if you see this whole issue of of training of the MPLA, mussalam.

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Musa Salah meant learned through his training

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for his years in Egypt. And then in Medina, before Allah Swatara sent him to actually face around.

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So Musa Islam training while he was growing up in the palace of the Quran, was also part of his training. Allah subhanaw taala was equipped equipping him with leadership skills and military skills with, you know, all kinds of wonderful things that he would have needed that you will need going forward.

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Not everything which Allah subhanaw taala teaches us

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is immediately clear in terms of its application.

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At the time that Allah subhanaw taala is teaching us that

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most things are not clear. It's only when we go forward in life that we realize, oh my god, I got this learning 20 years ago, 30 years ago, 50 years ago, when I was a child when I was growing up. And that land learning is now coming to my

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to my head and helping me today in this role of mine which is so different and so far removed from where AI tools learning, this is the beauty of human learning, we learn in one place, and we are able to take the learning and transport it and apply it on the place.

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So that was almost Musa learns

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skills in the palace of the Quran. He learned me training either he learned governance, he learned discipline, he learns to deal with the with luxury, you know, the, it's a huge training,

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where the, because of exposure to that

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the author of luxury of wealth of money is removed from the heart, because you see it every day.

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This is one of the big problems today where we have people who, especially in the religious world, we have people who become Imams of misogyny and so on. And but because of the humble backgrounds they come from, and the fact that his mother is they're not exposed to any

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thing. They're as sheltered as possible from the on the outside world. When they actually enter the outside world and this and they become the Imam must be something they're just overwrought with,

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with what they are seeing with, you know, the people around them with their wealth and this and that, and then they become subservient to the people who run the massage, they don't have the courage to stand up and say, what is right and what is wrong.

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Because they're so afraid.

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Now that for that fear to go away, there's only one way which is that in the time of your therapy, as you're growing up, you should be exposed to different aspects of society, different aspects of things, where you see it, to feel it to taste it you experience that you use it. And it's no longer something which is

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which takes your breath away, which puts fear into your heart No.

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Been there done that is a very good feeling to have in the in that kind of a context.

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So this is what I was rather I did with Musala Salah

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Musa grew up in a palace of the filter nothing in the palace of the Quran that was going to impress Musa he had seen it all.

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And they are not smarter took him from the palace of the Quran and put him to Grace sheep and goats, one end of the spectrum or the other.

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So he also learned what it means to be a shepherd what it means to be alone what it means to be a poor person.

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So neither of these things fazed him.

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And then Allah sent him to round two

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to announce and introduce Islam.

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Similarly as soon as Allah

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was put through test after test for 40 years,

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before he was given the award,

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the Saba went through test after set test.

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Today we forget the importance of Serbia.

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So we fail even when we have knowledge. We have people of knowledge who come out with arrogance

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which is the antithesis of knowledge.

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True Knowledge especially knowledge of the deen knowledge of Allah subhanaw taala. And please Allah is started inculcates and shouldn't locate humility in the individual

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The more learned you become, the more humble you should become. But we see the opposite. Unfortunately, we see people who learn, and they become.

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They become arrogant, very self important.

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That's because there is no thermea there's no TASKI of the laughs there's no dummy.

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Very, very important for us to understand this Madatha Islam had a merabh, he had a place of seclusion, where he was to pray in solitude away from all distraction. And it was in this in this palace in a secure place, it had a wall around it

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for security, and he did not allow anyone to disturb him while he was there inside this mirror.

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Now in the right, one day, suddenly he saw two men who appeared

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before him, the jumped over the wall, and they came into the mirror.

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So he was shocked.

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And he thought maybe they have come together or something. But they said, We are not certain Don't be afraid.

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We are actually litigants. We have brought you a case in which we want your judgment,

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or this is happening in the middle of the night. Right. So in sort of the side, Allah subhanaw taala, mentioned his story. And he says, has the news of the litigants reached you, when they climbed over the wall into his mihrab when they entered in upon Tao that he said, he was terrified of them, they said, Fear not, we are to litigants, one of whom has wronged the other, therefore judged between us with truth, and do not treat us with injustice and guide us to the right way.

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And then is verily one of those is very early, this is my brother in religion, meaning he's my Muslim brother. He has 99 years 99 female sheep, while I have only one year.

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And he says, Give it to me, give me that one.

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And he overpowered me in speech, meaning that he somehow beat me and argued with me and convinced me

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to give me that now thou there is a lamp,

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immediate desert, this is wrong. He has wronged you, in demanding your yo in addition to his use, and verily many partners oppress one another except those who believe and do righteous deeds, and they are few.

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And then suddenly, the other Islam realized that this whole thing is a test on Allah subhanaw taala. And Allah says, endowed guests that we have tried him and he sought forgiveness of Islam. And he fell down prostate and turned to Allah subhanaw taala independence and this is

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where now the reason I'm suddenly realize that these are not people, these are angels, Allah sent as a test to me. And so he

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fell in salute, and he asked Allah to forgive him, because the judgment that he gave, was given in haste, because he did not discipline the other way.

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He did not listen to the other person as to why he asked and what happened and so on and so forth. So he just listened to one but one person gave judgment without listening to the other, which was injustice. And so, he immediately sought forgiveness. And Allah said, and so, we forgive him. And verily for him is a near success to us and a good place of return or final return, which is Jana.

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we will talk about this in more detail Inshallah,

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in the next class, but

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it is very important to understand here, that the Met the the message that has been given here is the message that one that justice should be done,

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and that we must not

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we must not

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pass gentlemen listening to only one side of the story, we must listen to both sides of the story, before we give judgment or something, understand also that in this case, there was a judgment that was being shot that was being sought.

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On the other hand, you might have a case where somebody comes and tells you a story and they ask you, you know, this is what has happened, and so, what should I do? So, they're asking for advice. Now, in that case, if you said that look, based on what you are telling me,

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let me make it clear, you made it clear that you have not that you have you do not have access to the other side of the story. You are not passing judgment, nobody has even asked for a gentleman. So you're saying that to based on what you are telling me this is what I think you should do, then inshallah This is not an injustice, because you are making it very clear saying, I am not talking about this as a case that this is my judgment, right, wrong. No. I am saying based on your story.

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And of course, I'm aware that

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This is only one side of the story based on your story. This is what I think you should do. If you say that Insha Allah, this is not injustice.

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But if you pass a judgement and you say that other person is wrong and so on so forth, then it's a different matter. We ask Allah subhanaw taala to save us from being unjust in any case, and if we have been unjust, then we have the example of other result immediately, as soon as he realized that he had made a mistake. He asked Allah subhanaw taala is forgiveness the felons will do and he sought forgiveness. And Allah subhanaw taala said we forgive him. So along the line if you if you seek forgiveness, Allah always forgives, we ask Allah to forgive us and to forgive

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all our brothers and sisters, whoever has done injustice and we ask Allah subhanaw taala to enable us to make amends and reparations and compensation so that we when we go before Him, we are not going with any debt. In this in the steps was Allah Allah Allah will Karim Allah Allah He was happy named ramtek

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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah.