Muslim Identity – What does it mean to be Muslim?
Channel: Maryam Lemu
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besieging We pray to
the session will be useful to us and to our families. hija Mira Nemo I will pass on the baton to you we're happy to have you in our midst is similar. But they come Salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh, taboo JazakAllah khairan for having me for the second year Alhamdulillah. And it's truly an honor and a pleasure to be able to share this platform with people like my brother of the Shinobi and so many more for sharing their wisdom with us and their knowledge. I will dive right in because I know we didn't start at 10 o'clock on the dot but may Allah bless you for your punctuality still, because I really love that so much. And to all the participants I pray Allah blesses this eventually it'd be
a witness for all of us insha Allah in the life to come. Now I want to start off by clarifying that I am not a scholar, I'm a student, I'm learning, I'm evolving, and I'm striving. And then hamdulillah Ramadan is here once again, and we see so many Muslims putting in a lot of energy as we should, you know, we find the willpower and the discipline to resist temptation. We start to watch what we watch on social media reality TV, we check our devices, not as much as we used to before. We then start to lower our gaze, we got our thoughts, we got our tongues, and our body parts that used to wander before Ramadan, we find a lot of people are dumping the site checks and the spare tires.
We watch what we listen to we watch what we see what we think about, we somehow find the strength to break a lot of our bad habits or put them on hold. If I may say that we talk to our children more we give them tips on how to get the full blessings of Ramadan, families start to get closer, we become more patient more gentle and generous. And we start to worry about the have nots. We read the word animal, do lots of car stay a bit longer on our mats and Institute. We have a lot of endless sleepless nights and we attend to a series or at least at least listen to them. The list of what we do to get the full blessing of Ramadan is endless. I think it is amazing. When I think of how
creative we become during this month, we find fewer excuses why we cannot do why we cannot spend a bit more time with our Creator. We just charge we do somehow we're able to thing we're able to do those things that any other time of year we see I'm busy and busy being busy. But you know what? That is actually what disturbs me that many of us have become seasonal Muslims. During the season of Ramadan, we become extra pious and exercise self control. I hear people sometimes it's Ramadan is coming to us all Ramadan is here. They say Oh, I'm fasting. I cannot gossip. Or I cannot lie. It's Ramadan. As if after Ramadan, we are allowed to gossip or lie and the sin is not as heavy on our
scales. You know, sometimes I want to say to those folks, you know what? Why don't you just fast the whole year if that's what it's gonna take for you to restrain yourself that we run a school and there's a parent that said to me, when they call they said please remind my child not to engage in those small small gossips and you know, those things that the key takes without permission of others. In other words, I tell my child not to steal during Ramadan. She literally said, you know, you have to remind him that it's Ramadan. But let me share a story with you. I grew up in a very religious home both my parents and my brother would be considered to be scholars. My father used to
get the hutzpah at the Juma mosque. He was a grand kadhi until he retired, my parents established a huge Islamic organization here in Nigeria. They established Islamic schools. They wrote so many books, they give lectures all over the world on Islam, and Alhamdulillah. Before my dad passed away, he was honored with the King Faisal award for service to Islam. My mother wrote the Islamic Studies textbook that is being used in schools all over Nigeria and in West Africa. I was in short, surrounded by Islam.
Now how about me? I was a Muslim by name, by chance, not by choice because I was born into it. I prayed five times a day, but I didn't know what for other than just Allah would bless me. And I because I didn't see instant results for what I was praying for. I felt Allah wasn't listening to me. He wasn't answering my prayers. Prayers became more like an exercise to me. I did things more like a robot. In short, I became a blind follower. I was told to read the Quran I read why, again, because Allah said so and he would reward me and have discussion. And because I was being very rebellious at home. I never asked my parents questions about Islam. But I would ask my hierarchy
teacher in secondary school and my Marlins who are teaching me the Quran questions like, Where did Allah come from? And what is the proof that the Quran is really a message from him?
Sadly, no one was able to give me the kind of answers that would satisfy my curiosity at that time, just that Allah just appeared from nowhere. And he's everywhere he exists. And I remember somebody saying Maryam, there are some questions you should just not ask. Just accept that shows you're thinking right now my restaurant, my brother and I, the Quran, its translation, its interpretation, even its application and Stories of the Prophets, the Sierra and so on. But sadly, I didn't connect I had zoned out. My brother, however, seem to have appreciated and he got it. Now two things cause this morning. First, was that some limbs who were entrusted to teach me the Quran, were very
generous with the cane. I started to associate Islamia and Quran with pain and some had questionable character. One of them I remember used to have my brother and I steal from my mother's pantry whenever he comes at 430 to teach us or an he would send me to go and bring a bit of rice in a plastic bag or my brother to bring my Ghee or milk or something. Another Islamia malema, unfortunately was also a pedophile, and he attempted to touch me inappropriately. And fortunately, they didn't make Islamia fun, or lively or beautiful. Now my non Muslim friends, my Christian friends, on the other hand, who went to Bible studies, shared stories that sounded like so much fun.
Now, I thought that Moses was far more exciting with his magic than mine Musa alayhis salam. I thought then no one was far more adventurous with the animals going on that act two by two, then my no Alayhis Salam. Now I thought that Jesus was swag. He was so cool more than my isa Alayhi Salam.
But the I finished the ER, I was at about I think I was about 16 years old. But it didn't mean much to me just the day for me to eat a lot of meat and enjoy good food. Because I had tuned out, I didn't feel or get the message and I didn't see the connection and the relevance to my life. Now the second thing that happened to me and why I disconnected was because I was turned off by society's expectations of me how I was judged and condemned, because I was so and so's daughter. I wasn't Muslim enough for them. My dressing wasn't Muslim enough. My speech wasn't Muslim enough. My friends, my conduct, nothing was good enough. Even though at home I saw what beautiful Islam was
meant to look like. My Islam didn't stop in my home, I was part of a bigger community. So when I stepped out, that is where my problems got compounded. In addition to my Mullens and you know, IRS teachers, again, because I was very rebellious. Every small thing I did, people will make a big deal out of it. I wasn't a good Muslim, the focus was on my negative did acknowledge the small good things that I had done it was always haram haram Subhan Allah Merriam, you're gonna burn in hell, Allah will punish you if you do this, you know. And I stupidly felt that Allah was such a serious God, he was very strict, strict eager to mean
that unfortunately, the way parks the community presented is wasn't appealing. Offers by parents to teach me about true Islam failed, nothing was entering. At one point, I think after 18 years old, I became allergic to anything associated with Islam. In fact, the word Islam rhymed with haram in my head, then I went for about five years without praying properly and fasting. Now, one thing I learned years later, is just because you were born Muslim does not make you a Muslim. It wasn't until my mid 20s, that I started to feel this emptiness inside of me, I felt something was missing, I started to feel incomplete and slightly guilty, in fact, now one thing I knew for sure, is that I
didn't create myself and that I'm on this earth for a reason and a purpose. And I also knew for sure that I'm gonna go back to my maker. So when that guilt was burning too much, and that emptiness, had reached a stage where I couldn't handle it anymore, I plucked up the courage to call my brother knew Ruth. At that time, he was in university doing his masters and I told him what I had gone through.
Not been praying for about five years. Now, contrary to what I thought he would do, I thought he's going to say Meriam Subhanallah you're gonna burn in hell, you know, but instead he said, Allah is very forgiving, very merciful, very understanding. And he knows what I've been going through. And he started to get me to see that the things they prayed for Allah and replace them with something better because he said maybe those things you were actually praying for may not have been good for you. He also started to get me to come
count my blessings, and all the things that I didn't even pray for at all that Allah had blessed me with. And that in spite of me abandoning Allah, Allah never left my side. He told me to start to read and ask the right questions to the right people. He also said I should take baby steps, take it easy, one step at a time, one step at a time. And he said, with each step, you take Maryam, Allah will come running to you. So I started to ask various people and do my own homework and research. I started to read and I started to listen. And this is what I found out. Now growing up, I was had a flashback, remembering that my mom would be sitting on the mat early in the mornings, reading the
meaning of the Quran. Now my mother was not born Muslim. I remember asking her why she embraced Islam. And she shared that from a very young age. She was born to the Church of England. She grew up there. But she felt that something was missing. And she wasn't getting the answers that satisfied her curiosity. So she started to research different religions, Buddhism, Judaism, Hinduism, and so on. Now, one day she attended a program in her school at the time, which was so asked, which is the School of Oriental and African Studies in London, and she was given a booklet at an Islam and science exhibition. And that sparked her curiosity. Now, one day, Allah is amazing. She was on a
London bus, when a Malaysian student gave her a copy of the Quran. And that's when she started to read. And she said, she started with Serato Baqarah, verse 62, really struck her when Allah said, Those who believe in the Quran, and those who follow the Jewish Scriptures, and Christians
and believe in Allah and the Last Day and do righteous deeds shall have their reward with their Lord, on them shall be no fear, nor shall the grief
she said, that was the first time that she came across a religion that had opened the gates of salvation to people of other faiths. It fates. In other words, it was not everyone else is going to help and only Muslims are going to heaven. She shared that Islam was the one that had the answers that made sense to her that will logical and give her peace of mind. That was when she said she started to take the religion very seriously. And that was the turning point until she finally took her shahada before she finally met my dad and married him Alhamdulillah.
Now on my journey, and my quest to find out if anything was missing in this Deen that I find myself I found myself in and if the answer is satisfied my curiosity, I felt I should start with the authenticity of the Quran and the proof that Allah really existed. Now for us to Muslims. The Quran is the basis of our beliefs, it is the foundation and it is the anchor for every Muslim is belief. So its authenticity. Its preservation, its integrity is everything that it is genuine, is one of the proofs that a Muslim can hold to. One of the biggest for me was to have proof that this is the same revelation that Rasul allah sallallahu sallam was reciting 1400 years ago, and it came from from
Allah. It is a rational claim. Even non Muslims who have studied the Quran, historical archaeological records all confirm that the Quran today is identical as the one during the time of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam and his companions, even scientists who have studied and carbon dated the copy of the Quran in the University of Birmingham, a non Muslim university, they see that Quran that manuscript dates back to at least 1300 to 1400 years ago. So there is no doubt that the Quran that receive allah sallallahu sallam, and the Sahaba read 1400 years ago has the same, the same identical unchanged message as the one in my home in my hands today, the same message no
change. And it is also rational to say that the Quran could not have been the work of a human being called Mohammed Salah there was salam. Why? Because how could a man who was unlettered he couldn't read he couldn't write in the Arabian desert with no binoculars no telescope, no microscope, no satellite, no chat GPT know what's happening in orbit and the bottom of the ocean or what's going on in the war of a mother? How could he know certain facts that nobody at that time could possibly have known? Now if one had said a committee of
philosophers, scientists, astronomers, lawyers, gynecologist, biologist, historians have come together to put this book together, maybe that would have made sense, but it has been confirmed even by non Muslims that that is not the case. So the fact is an inability to find an author of the Quran other than Allah. Allah has even said that if the whole of mankind and jinn came together, they would not be able to produce the likes of the Quran. This was so little and so for me, it is very comforting, comforting to know that Allah's Will for mankind is with us. It is a book authored by Allah for us not man's interpretation of what Allah wants us wants us to hear or believe. It is what
Allah is saying. It is his direct message, and it is in my hands. Now, to what extent I choose to follow his teachings and guidelines is another matter.
But from the point of view of faith, and conviction, it was reassuring for me to know that it's a not an issue of confusion that has the will of Allah by His grace been preserved faithfully through human agency and history over 1400 years, then the answer is a resounding yes. Then the question of am I on the straight path? Am I on the Serato? Mr. Keen? Or do I know what Allah's Will is for my life? For my purpose? Do I know what Allah wants of me what he wants me to do? Why he wants me to be in this beautiful Deen of his? Has he presented me with what I need to know? And has he given me the power and the free will to choose with no compulsion whatsoever? Do I have a map and a guide from
him and a prescription on how to live my life, how to interact with my family, my neighbors, my work, my children, my hair and office creation, everybody, everything is created?
Well, if the book is genuine and authentic, then it means that message has to be genuine. Then the message is my guide and insha Allah The answer is yes 100 In that he has, then I moved on on my journey to find out what is the meaning of the message. Now one thing is clear, is the book is there for everyone to read and hear directly from what did he say? Because nobody speaks nation other than the Creator. And while scholars are extremely important, what I love is that we can read the Quran I can read the Quran myself, but there is nothing better than firsthand access to the word of Allah. What did Allah say to me in his book, and what is not clear, we ask authentic scholars who have
studied the Quran more deeply more frequently, who have studied how the prophets lived, or they may be able to give us a greater insight into areas we may not be clear on. So the first point is the certainty of the authenticity of the Quran. The second point is nobody speaks clearer than the Creator to his creation, having first hand access to the word of Allah. Now, thirdly,
on my journey, and I'm still on the journey. There is another thing about the Quran, which I think came across more memorably for me. In a story narrated by Jeffrey land the author of evil angels ask, losing my religion struggling to surrender. The story was in his last book, losing my religion, a couple came to be counseled by him. And the husband was a very problematic min, he drank, he wasn't ethical, he wasn't faithful in his marriage. He didn't take his prayers or passing seriously in morality for him was not an issue. So Jeffrey asked him if he read the Quran and he said no, that the Quran for him was full of warnings full of punishment and health do's and don'ts around the
realm and that Allah was too strict and doesn't want people to do what they want. Now, Jeffrey loved reading the Quran. And when the man spoke, he found it interesting that that is what the man saw in the Quran, which he Jeffrey had never experienced. So he asked the wife who seemed to be a very pious lady, a forbearing, impatient lady and a very forgiving lady. He asked her and she said, Yes, she does read the Quran, she said that we're onto her was full of mercy. Allah being compassionate, forgiving and loving. She said it gave her so much peace and comfort that it was her guide. And Allah was always close to her. Now, what Jeffrey found very interesting and very striking, was how
people who seem to be rebellious seem to sense that the Quran was talking to them to their rebellious nature, and those who seem to want guidance, who wanted to get closer to Allah, they saw the compassionate side of the Quran. It is as if the Quran talks to your conscience and to your soul. You know, you have not been good
Then you find the Quran adjust its message to suit you. Now Jeffrey long blind once shared, like he likes to listen to the Quran. Now someone said, but you don't understand what it means you don't understand Arabic and he thought for a while, then he said it's true. However, he said, a baby doesn't understand what its mother had seen. Yet it finds comfort in her voice.
He said he felt it was something similar. It was the words of the Creator. It is a source of comfort to his creation. It is a sense in that sense, the way people respond to the Quran and how it touches them is interesting. You find people who don't even understand Arabic, sometimes down in tears listening to the Quran. For some it's the deeper meaning that touches them. For others. It's the emotive conscience. So I find in that sense that the Quran because its content contents covers all aspects of life. As you read through some parts of it, they stand out, because of the stage you have reached in your life. You ponder on some areas, and then you skip some areas. A few months later, or
years later, you come back and read over that same portion, and it says something that you didn't catch the first time. But one of the names of the Quran is Al Karim, and it's sometimes translated as noble, but it comes from the word Karim, which means always giving helpful in giving generous, so the Quran is always giving meaning always presenting to every generation new meaning. So to a generation of science, you see the science in the Quran, to a generation of linguists, you see literature, poetry and beauty, a generation of legality and law you see the wisdom in the muck acid, you see the wisdom in the gene injunctions of Allah and justice in the Sharia. To a person looking
for help and guidance in it, they find comfort and peace. So at the same time, the person who needs a warning gets it. The Quran describes itself as a Shirin when a theorem, a book that gives glad tidings, but also gives a warning. So if one's journey in the Quran comes from a position of rebellion, when you look at the Quran, it's actually talking to you when you realize Allah is not here to pamper you, he is warning you. Allah is not a politician interested in pleasing you or telling you what you want to hear. He is there as a guide and a compass and a personal Qibla for us, and will speak to our heart and to our conscience. And yet sometimes later on your journey, you
finally come back and be the same. And you don't see the warnings or they don't stand out as they used to or as threateningly as they used to you realize that Alhamdulillah maybe, maybe you have changed, maybe you are now closer to Allah. Today I find so much comfort in reading the Quran. I went from seeing Allah as harsh and eager to burn me in hell, to breaking down in tears when I read about His mercy, His forgiving nature, and the trial that others before me have gone through through and how grateful I am that my trials aren't as heavy as Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, Ibrahim alayhi salam and the sahaba. So to me, it's like a love affair with micron, I can't wait for us to meet
again. And even if it's just for 10 minutes before I charge and start my day, what it does, it keeps me conscious of him throughout the day, top of my mind, and I continue to strive. What also moves me to tears often is I'm not a fluent reader of Arabic. In fact, I can't read Arabic key words. But Allah has given me so much more reward for struggling each letter I struggled to read. Allah says he's giving me even more reward than those who can read and have memorized it. This for me was so comforting. However, I don't ever overestimate my spirituality or closeness to Allah, and we mustn't ever develop spiritual superiority. Sadly, it is a big turnoff for many who are like me on a
journey. Like I shared this was one of the biggest reasons why I disconnected from Islam. So a word of caution for those who have the knowledge. You see, for folks like me who wants to seek knowledge and have a better understanding and find that certain was the king who are trying their best, however small but at least trying and struggling. Sadly, we get to discover that our biggest obstacles come from those who think they have greater knowledge of Allah, those who act holier than thou. Those who understand the message, the interpretation, who recite perfectly however, their actions and their conduct don't go in line with the teachings of the Quran, and the examples of
prophets, the Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam. Their characters are not the personification of what it means to be Muslim. Likewise,
said one asked us to steal from my mother's pantry. This is somebody entrusted to teach us the Quran. Another one tried to abuse me. But you should see how they carry themselves and how people who don't know who they really are almost revere them. Sadly, they those kinds of people are the ones who condemn those who they can or they deem superiors be ritually inferior to them. Now one thing we mustn't forget that if Allah can grant a prostitute Jana just for saving a dog from thirst. Who are we to be judging others and condemning others. Sadly, sometimes we end up pushing people away good people away, including those who are on a journey instead of bringing them closer to Allah
with beautiful preaching. Now, the thing is, we don't know where people have come from, where they have reached on their journey or where they're going to end up. But one thing I do is I think of people like my mother, who embraced Islam, but was still criticized. She went under so much criticism when she wasn't covering her hair. She wasn't Muslim enough when she wasn't dressing fully, that she wasn't Muslim enough that she could have turned her back because she was being judged and discouraged. But when I think of the contributions she was able to make to Islam, she has written the textbooks she's written over, she wrote over 27 books on Islam. She has given lectures
all over the world. She was the mother of four when she and my father established the Islamic Education Trust New Horizons College here in Minar, the best Islamic school in Africa. I see Alhamdulillah that she ignored the background noise. And even for me once upon a time I was in covering my hair. I was wearing short skirts. I wasn't praying or fasting. But even today, I hear people saying that my dressing is fitna my lipstick is haram. Some people said that I'm one of the prefer.
Some start to become overly confident or arrogant with their Muslim Enos. They develop the sheath term syndrome of pride and superiority. They even start to dismiss other good people who they feel don't fit their in group. We often fall for the superficial images of piety. Sadly, some misguided some misguide people with the power of the knowledge they have. They need to pick the parts of the deen. They want to practice they need pick the parts of the Sunnah they want to preach or misguide followers by taking verses out of context, we mustn't forget that she turns had more knowledge about Allah than we do. Shaytan has seen a lot. But he had no Taqwa. He had no Guided Action. So those who
think they know and now she turned you Allah, the same applies to us, we have to be very careful. You know, these people can tell you about a key that their kid, but when you look at the behavior in their character, how they conduct themselves. So in my humble opinion, it's about the knowledge coming to life with conscious action. And this applies to all of us, the input must produce the right output. And while on this journey of mine, to discover Islam, what it means to be Muslim, one thing I noticed that deeply concerned me is how in our society we focus so much more, and how much we have memorized the Quran, or how fast it took us to finish the Quran, more than how much of the
message did we understand? We are so eager to show us that our child is a half is of the Quran, while the rest
of the all of these beautiful and there's reward in reciting the Quran. One thing I know for sure is if it isn't translated into action, then we have missed the message. It is meant to be understood not just the letters with the beautiful melody. It has a message that is meant to be put in place as a guide to inspire us to caution us to comfort us and to solve our problems. So if you ask many, what makes you a Muslim, what separates you from others who are practicing their faith? You know what? They'll say, Oh, I pray five times a day. I believe in one God, and I believe in Mohammed as the last messenger. I fast I do sadaqa I go for Hajj. Yeah. But what gives you conviction that this
is the right deal. They often sadly cannot give you a strong answer.
In my opinion, the greatest Jihad we are fighting today is not the freedom to practice our religion. Like many who are in minorities in other countries, especially in the West. That is not the jihad we are fighting today that jihad is a more Muslim identity crisis. What does it mean to you to be a Muslim? Because if the message from Allah to us Muslims is that we shouldn't cheat with shouldn't steal we shouldn't gossip we shouldn't like we do. We shouldn't fornicator drink alcohol collect enough
Rebbe give bribes gossip at Pride we do. And he says enjoined right and forbid wrong we don't
don't get me wrong so much right? We have many who are Al Hamdulillah, masha Allah, but so much is going on around us. Yet we Muslims choose to complain, sit down look, do nothing or even join. And that is not Islam. If you were to ask me what makes you muslim, what you hear is more the pride of the label of being Muslim. I am a proud Muslim, err, but how? In what way? What are you proud about? After doing all those things that you're not supposed to? You still say you're a proud Muslim.
Some are up in arms and ready to kill when our beloved prophet is slandered. And yes, we should defend our Prophet. But the hypocrisy is, we pick and choose the things that he modeled for us that we want to practice. Muslim is not a name of an identity, which some people treat as this big tribe. Muslim is not about what you call yourself. It's not about the labels we give ourselves. It's not a group. It is not a group identity. Bani Israel took faith and turned it into an identity rather than keep it as a covenant and agreement, a contract with Allah. It wasn't meant to be about who they were, who they were, but what they did. So the same applies to us Muslims. Being Muslim is about
what we do. Our actions, our choices, our state of mind, the state of our hearts, our submission, our values, our principles, our sincerity, our intentions. That's what makes us Muslim. Allah refers refers to faith as mythique, an agreement, a covenant. So being Muslim to me is like signing a contract to do what Allah says we should do to do. What Allah says we should do.
If we focus on a Muslim identity in our image and our rituals alone, it means the emphasis is on who we are, and not what we do. So to me, Islam is about being Muslim is the personification of the Quran and the Sunnah. So I am meant to be the walking or an I am meant to be the walking Hadith, not just in how I look. And if I pray five times a day fast to sadaqa, because just because I pray five times a day doesn't make me a good Muslim. Because I first go for Umrah, Hajj, doesn't make me a good Muslim, because I've memorized the Quran of Moscow village doesn't make me a good Muslim. Now, let me explain this identity thing a bit better. Now I am up by tribe. My father is not a layman.
And I'm a woman. Now that's an identity, by behave does not reduce my happiness or my femininity. In other words, if I shave my head, bald, or I behave badly, I'm still a woman. If I speak French, Yoruba and Chinese, I'm still up. But being Muslim, on the other hand is different.
Since it's a contract, a covenant and an agreement with Allah, if I want to call myself Muslim, then anything I do that goes contrary to what it means to be a Muslim. That agreement. That contract reduces my Muslim Ness if I could use that word. Let me explain further. Now the word Muslim means submitter and Muslim is one who does one's best to submit to the will of Allah. If we stop submitting, or reject striving to submit by going against Allah's injunctions, then we do not meet the prerequisites the requirements to be called Muslim. It's like a breach of contract. Muslims are more than half the population in Nigeria yet crime and corruption is at an all time high. We can't
see it only non Muslims alone. That are the reason why we are the way we are today. Muslims have held key positions in every facet in our society in our country, even the highest office, but how has that made us a more morally upright country, even the so called Sharia states in Nigeria, you find by the time they have finished their term of office, they have emptied the coffers.
And the average citizen is living in abject poverty, no access to good education, no potable water, no good health services. Yet those people they support the Sunnah look, and they see the Muslims, promiscuity, infidelity, my husband and I we counsel every day. This is at an all time high. addiction to pornography is a pandemic masturbation is at its worst in the Muslim communities. We see men sleeping with boys, women sleeping with women, and we call ourselves Muslim. We sideline people who do and don't give them jobs or promotions based on tribe and ethnicity, ethnicity, racism within the Muslim community. Allah screen
Asian and we call ourselves Muslim men we gain income from non Halal means some their family members or beneficiaries, ghost workers in a system that is so bad in this country where you receive income for not working and not showing up. Yet we asked for formation, and we say we are Muslims. Some acquire positioning companies when more qualified, more competent people are passed by because they don't have the right connections, or they don't have the funds to buy that position. Our kids gain admission into schools when more qualified candidates are passed by because they could put pressure or by that seat. We watch and forward jargon on social media, including fake news, gossip, slander,
and so on. We call ourselves Muslim, the Prophet sallallahu wasallam lived an exemplary life with his wives and his family. Yet when not our basic obligation, obligations to our spouse and our kids, we oppress. We are not fair to them. We are not just to them. The divorce rate in the Muslim community is at an all time high, and we call ourselves Muslims. We visited by Bala was and the Muslims. By doing this our prayers won't even be answered for 40 days. We attribute trials from Allah and misfortune that happens to us to our village people.
Imagine someone must be after us yet we call ourselves Muslim we commit slander, gossip backbite assassinate characters of our fellow sisters and brothers. We treat our help our drivers our security Junior stuff badly, sometimes like animals, depriving them of basic human rights, yet we call ourselves Muslim. Now she turned us on vacation during this month, yet crime and corruption and wrong doing is still going on. Bad things are still happening.
Please do doing that you must we sue. I wonder who do we blame it on this time? Islam is a religion that emphasizes the importance of submission, submitting to Allah and following His commandments as prescribed in the Quran and in the teachings of Rasulullah sallallahu sallam. Therefore a person that continuously or consciously rejects striving to submit to Allah as injunctions or goes against it by doing those things. By doing those things that Allah says do not do, may be considered as someone who is not fulfilling the requirements of being Muslim. Now, having said that, it is important to note that only Allah knows what is in the hearts of men, and who is truly a believer
and who isn't and what our intentions are. So it is not our place as human beings to judge other people's faith or lack thereof. Ultimately, Allah is the judge and he will hold each person accountable for their actions and their good intentions. Therefore, to be able to call ourselves Muslim we have to strive to do what is right. Follow the teachings to the best of our ability seeking Allah's forgiveness and mercy whenever we fall short, by the word of comfort for all those who have done wrong, who have been involved in wrongdoing, and those who see the Christian themselves, never despair or lose hope of Allah's mercy. There is no sin that is so great that
Allah's Rama cannot erase. I remember this hadith where a student last Salah Salem shared with his companions after describing how big how huge how massive. The fire or John Nama is, and he asked his companions Do you know what can put that fire out? You know what he said? One tear. One to have a sincere stick far. We'll put that fire out. So don't despair. Don't say I've gone too far on my last course. Don't despair, and don't give up hope. Don't ever say it's too late because it's just one tear of a sincere is tougher. But I caution Beware, beware of 4192 of us. Yes, we lie. We still we cheat we commit enough. We collect Reeboks, we skip our prayers. Then we do Toba then we go back and
repeat the same thing. When we go for Hajj or Umrah we say we've been cleansed completely back like a newborn baby. Who are we fooling?
Many years ago when we went for Hutch. I'll never forget this lady who was with us in our hearts to her sugar daddy paid for her to go for Hajj. So she went on a private tour with us.
But the man's wife came with the state pilgrims.
I remember talking to this lady beside check this on my board that I am I had to talk to her and ask her what is this? You know what she said? She said oh don't worry. We go to call Orrin Hatch very often to cleanse our since this is before 1/9 Oh but I'm talking about but Allah knows best. Who am I to judge right? But in conclusion, what is being most
The mean what does it really mean? Allah gave us three categories of people. Number one is the believers they believe in Allah the life to come. They submit to His command. They believe in the book, the Quran, they believe Rasul Allah is the last Prophet sallahu wa salam, they strive in pure pursuit, they enjoy right and forbid, wrong. Those are the believers. The second category are the Catherine, they have seals on their hearts light cannot penetrate the hearts, they don't believe, and they reject faith altogether. The third category are the monastic who they claim to believe whether or not true believers they pretend they're intoxicated by the pursuit of this world and
succumb to temptation. Now in religious vocabulary, when nothing or hypocrite means you are a believer on the outside, and a disbeliever on the inside, this believing also means going contrary to the injunctions of Allah because you're calling yourself Muslim, but you're not doing what a Muslim is meant to do. Because if you truly believe you will not go against Allah's injunction because if you truly believe you wouldn't cheat, steal committing or be unjust and all those things. And because you call yourself Muslim, you will represent all Muslims you have to record denies that we suffering the from the actions of a few Muslims around the world who has behaved badly. So if you
behave badly, you affect all Muslims. If you as a Muslim, are committing Zina, and people see you or you're drinking or embezzling or whatever, folks will believe all these things are like this. That's what Muslims do. They see the hypocrisy in us because we are supporting the Sunnah look, Islam and being Muslim is not a uniform that we can put on or take off when we please. There is no day off from being a Muslim, it's a lifestyle. Being Muslim is a mind thing. It's a soul thing. It's a hard thing. It's a character thing isn't it's an action thing. Islam is about submitting to the will of Allah not men. It is not our judgments of each other that ultimately matter what people think of us.
So we should stop trying to impress trying to fool people with our outer loops. We don't say to humans we belong and to humans we return we say in that evacuate enter in a logic on from Allah we came unto Him is our return. So that exterior Muslim look does not impress Allah and means nothing at the end of the day if the character doesn't match the looks, the beauty, the beautiful character of a true Muslim is missing in action in many of us.
Imagine Rasul allah sallallahu Sallam in his last sermon, he said, It is his hope that generations after him, that is us will practice this Deen better than those who saw it better than the Sahaba imagine. Today look at the state of Islam. We Muslims are supposed to personify the beautiful message of the Quran better than the sahaba. However, you find it appearing during this one month. And then afterwards, we go back to the business as usual. During the season of Ramadan, our true habits start to return. We are meant to constantly ask ourselves, ask ourselves, what is it about my character, my actions that make me Muslim? Ask yourself what is it in my character? In my thoughts
that make me Muslim? Not for a season but always. What is that is when that is when we are truly Muslim. I am constantly asking myself before doing anything, will Allah be pleased with me? Constantly? I'm going to touch something will allow me to I'm going to look at something so trust me when I look at my device, I asked myself will Allah be pleased with me that I'm doing this right now that helps being in that constant state of Taqwa Allah, He is such
an important thing.
I asked myself all the time, and I asked you to do the same because Rasul allah sallallahu sallam was asked, Who's the cleverest of believers and you know what he said? He said, The one who remembers death, and is better prepared for the life after it. So I've asked myself, Am I ready to face my naked? Am I ready to face my maker? We don't know if we're gonna live to see another Ramadan, another month, another week or another day.
Now, one thing I know for sure is I follow Islam to the best of my ability. And I strive to serve to the will of Allah. This is a lifelong journey, right? And I am so grateful that he will be my judge, and may we continue to be guided by Him. And while on my journey, I keep those close to me who encouraged me to stay on the Serato mystic team. Having true companions is so important on this journey. It helps you a lot because you're able to support and encourage each other. But we have to be humble in our estimations of our city.
your spirituality, we need to focus on our own self assessment and strive to get even closer to Allah and continue to learn and grow. Now that is the true jihad. I always believe in staying in the middle with my expectations. I am hopeful, but I'm also afraid of his punishment. I want to please Him, and I'm frightened of offending him. So on the issue of Muslim identity, the Quran to me is a gift from Allah to us. It is a journey through a book that you never ever finished reading. It is a book that is always issuing meaning not just to individuals, but to generations, there is no end to that of Syria in the Quran. It keeps feeding the soul of an evolving humanity. But it remains the
same with its message and guidance. Our job is to beautify it with our voices, to recite it in beautiful ways, but most importantly, to live it to be the walking around. It's not just an academic book, to be studied, but to be lived.
Just as our body parts are going to stand as witnesses for or against us in the life to come. Yes. What we did with our body will be our witnesses. What we saw with these eyes will do, I'm able to allow where we went with our feet, what we said to our body parts will stand as witnesses against us. The Quran on the Day of Judgment will stand as a witness for or against us. It is a book that calls us to think to understand, to ponder on and follow its guidance. Someone asked me, What does it mean to you to be Muslim? So to me, it's about having a clear purpose, a clear direction on a path that I am certain about, and having a strong burning hunger and thirst and yearning to follow
the rules and guidelines that permit me to be part of this exclusive Deen that belongs only to Allah. Being Muslim to me, is waking up each day intentionally. With the plan of being the most useful lesson that was selected. The best use those who are the most useful. For me being a Muslim is renewing my contract with Allah every single day. My father growing up always said to me Meriam Allah first in everything you do, and he would say, this is a hostile work to gender, the NIA renew your intention. So I renew my contract with Allah everyday. And I asked him when I do my obligatory prayers, and I recite Fatiha and I said, Allah guide me on the straight path. I remember that
between Cebu and Zoho I asked Allah to guide me on the straight path. So I tried to stay on the straight path so that by the time I come to do my solar before my answer, I have not deviated. But I have a chance again during my solar to renew that contract. You're gonna guide me on the street Park and make sure I stay on that path. Tell us tell Margaret Felicia and then tell Cebu again. So that renewal of contracts is so important. It's our to me being Muslim is about being kind, being compassionate, doing right even when I don't feel like it being useful to others protecting Allah's creations, being the best extension of Allah as his Khalifa as his ambassador, as his representative
here on this planet, being conscious and ruthless with my bad habits, and fighting my nafs which is a jihad that will be on with me for a lifetime because temptation is everywhere, and striving, striving for the life to come. As we progress through Ramadan, may we all make a resolve to renew our intention that we will continue this Jihad long after Ramadan so that as we welcome the next Ramadan, we go with so much confidence, because we know we've done our best which is what Allah expects of us is the striving. May Allah increased us in knowledge, grant us the humility and curiosity to guide us on the straight path. And when we are called to account for what we did with
this gift of Islam, may our book be handed to us in our right hand and may it we have V on our scale of good deeds. May Allah reward the organizers in the best manner Dr. Addy Shala for inviting me once again. Just I can now Hiren like I said at the beginning, may this gathering be a witness for us Inshallah, in the life to come wherever I may have heard, I asked Allah to forgive me, and if I have offended anybody, I asked you to forgive me as well. Does accom allow Hiren Assalamu alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
while they can Salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatu lie What Barakatuh thanks for very, very, very inciting Marcia
is really uncertain and Sarah is a very boring topic very important, especially for us teenagers, who are still trying to find the identity
This will go a very long way in answering those questions for them. Thank you very much. We'll be having lots of people raising up their hands, even though I've dropped them then. So after the show, we will take some questions now and just Malaysia as we normally do. We'll rotate between the person and NASA and then for their online participation,
to make us utilize our time very well will prefer more on the using the tab, the person answer tab
so that we can actually quickly run them all. I don't know. Do you want the customer NASA tabs are actually there for you. Do you want me to read it out? Or you can?
Okay, please read it.
The first question is from Lookman LAWA. Assalamu Aleikum.
You got, okay. Okay. The first one is actually from Luke mulawa. Assalamu Aleikum? It seems just a bit disable. Okay, I've done that one. So that was actually been done in there.
Let me just quickly go to the main question, sir.
From Fatima Modibo, what tips do you have for mothers bringing up kids and the word of today, especially the ages of 10 to 15 years? That's number one tip that you have for mothers of today, especially bringing up the kids in the ages of 10 to 15 years, does one of those most difficult times where identity issues actually coming up? That's number one. Second one is from being gathered.
Please, I have a question for the speaker. There was a trendy video of the Muslim gay brother about fulfilling his Deen this time was to protect sis gay, or do you think we should see this as a Muslim? And how do we react to this as a millennium Muslims and social media? Allah? I'm a bit confused by the second question. Okay. So there's a video on social media activity in trending of a gay Muslim. That's almost sexuals there's a couple the man I mean, one of them, guys, I mean, and they actually have a, an adopted child. So it's the worst. I mean, bigger just asking, how do we react to this? Other we react to this, most especially they're trying to promote Ramadan using the
Gay, gay movement and all those types. That's the question. The next one, which sort of you can take them together is from Ibrahim was really
a slob. alikhan beautiful supreme lecture does not allow Kira, you made various references to interest, this interest, same as Reba, I mean, really interest as in interest as an interest. Getting interest on low loan interest is the same thing as rebar. So those are the three questions maybe you can take that one first before we move on to the next set of questions. Okay, which is a common law here. And for the lady who asked about raising kids aged 10 to 15. What advice can I give mothers. Um, first, I want to see advice to parents, because parenting is meant to be for both couples, you can see that child together. And you're meant to raise them together and instill the
right values in them because Allah is going to ask both parents about what you instilled what taught you. So the first thing I want to say is, it's not about just a mother, though the contact time between mother and child and mother being the first role is very important. But by the time your child is 10, because you're talking 10 to about 15 years old, definitely, it's a hands on both of you thing.
The one thing I would say more than anything is make sure you walk the talk, it's so easy to tell your child or children to be good to do the right thing. But just like being Muslim, it's about the actions. You can't tell them about the beautiful Islam without showing them what beautiful Islam looks like. You have to hold them close. You have to read to each other a lot and engage in things like your mini vuestra. So like I remember growing up every morning, like I said, my parents actually were very intentional in how they made efforts to teach us about Quran. They didn't know the behind the scene that was going on. But we would sit after fajr and read a day with their
prophet by Ahmed Vandana Shiva, you would read the meaning of the Quran we will talk about the application so pick up zero of the Quran to deal hamdulillah technology accords you so many things because you have a lot of Muslim kids networks, even on YouTube that you could get your work children watching people like Mufti Menk or marsali mandate all endorsed them so they can be watching things that that are far better, healthier than the jargon we see on social media and on reality TV today and TV, cartoons commentary. I mean everybody they've got their agenda which they are pushing down
Our children's throats, that we have to be very careful. So for me, number one, do things together as much as possible modulate, walk the talk. And then I think more than anything, try as much as you can to resist giving them devices till much later I have some good friends that till to date and their children are about to graduate Secondary School ally did not given their children these devices which are deterred, designed to ruin and dilute our Islam. So for me, if you have the guts to lie, that's one thing you can do. The good thing is you can also get some software's that block them having access to certain sites, but you can't have it all. So talk to them a lot over talk,
make them feel comfortable talking to you don't judge them and don't force Islam down their throat, you have to bring them to Islam and keep them in Islam with beautiful preaching. Don't condemn them. And Hamdulillah I can see this now, my oldest son went through a similar journey as mine when he went to school in Canada. And he fell into the hands of ETs added to some enemies that he was watching. And he actually stopped praying for about six years Alhamdulillah he's now been praying for about three years. And I can continue to thank Allah for His mercy. But it's important as parents, you plant seeds, and make sure that you are patient because even the prophets, we know
stories where they were not able to guide all their children, but you keep on doing the right thing. Keep on talking, but in a subtle way with beautiful preaching. For me. That's the advice I can give parents and mothers, of course, you really have to fight those devices and walk the talk, then with regard to the gay Muslims Alhamdulillah I'm glad I have not seen it. Because I've told my friends, please don't ever follow it to me rubbish. I think we are also the big problem. If they didn't have an audience, they wouldn't be known. But when we see we are shocked we quickly pass on rubbish jargon, unnecessarily. And unfortunately, we're spreading fitna somebody who may have been sitting
on the fence finally hears Oh, okay, so we can do this. So for me, I think watch what you watch. And then pray. If you want to kill popularity, or it's going viral, don't forward it. And then pray for Allah to guide them and guide more people, talk to people and the consequences and the effects of this and make sure you protect your own children. Because that's a big problem in society right now, like I said, because what they are seeing has been set up as a proper skin to get us into that campaign into that movement. So we have to be careful. The gentleman who asked about ryburn interest, yes, it is the same thing. We have to be aware of it. Yes, we have to be aware of it.
Thank you very much. Another question from Lotfollah? Well, I think
it is not only up into it is nothing to everybody and mold him into. She's just looking for a way of them. The question was, does our can we get ourselves from being in doubt? At times I get this whispering licking me to be in doubt. I don't want to go straight. I want to be firm in the belief of Allah. That's question one. And next one is
from Fidella Kanika Ibrahim. So you say that Maryam, what has been your major challenge in Dawa
and the next one, which I will take
the next one which I will take is from an anonymous, or do you find the feeling of hopelessness, or helplessness, you know, something is wrong, but not able to rectify the issue. Maybe we can take this on the first and the third one seems to be similar when in doubt, or you're feeling hopeless transgress or replacements. And then the next and the last one, which is which is a little bit different from Lawai prime. What has been your own major challenge in Dawa Thank you.
Hi, Ron. issues to deal with doubt. Well, that's my story, isn't it and so many. I remember even my father who was the granddaddy, when my young when my son, my older son was going through what he went through, I brought him to my dad and I said, he's going through this And Alhamdulillah my father shared with him that look even I went through the same thing and I think we all do. And I think that's the beauty of Islam. That's what I love is Allah wants us to ask, Allah wants us to be curious. Allah wants us to learn and seek knowledge. And they say we should seek knowledge even if it's as far as China. So I think since we think of the first verse that was recited to resume last
Allah Allah wa salam was a great read. I think read what's great today. If you say you're going through doubt and so on. First, no, you're not alone. There are so many and this is what I love about technology and the devices today's when you use it for something positive. There are sites like the Yaqeen Institute, Margaret Institute, there are so many sites for me. Institute is an amazing one. Muslim Central is another one that I love so much because they give you to Sears, they give you a bank of scholars 1000s of stone
As from all over the world where you get to hear more to give you more conviction, because it's like a buffet, it's not everything on the buffet, you'll be able to eat. But the good thing is you have options. And then you find the one that's right for you. So for me, I love that be curious and be hungry to learn and ask the right people, number one, when you're in doubt, as well. And you can feel that your Nasus a bit shaky, or you're hearing the US whistle in your ear, I think just be in a state of a car a lot for me that Toccoa that consciousness of Allah because he said, if you put your whole trust in Allah as you want, as you ought, he most certainly will satisfy your needs. As he
satisfied those of the birds they come up hungry in the morning, and they can satisfy today. So whatever you are feeling once you put your whole trust in Him, and you trust as long as you believe this is the dean, that's the first thing as long as you believe this is the book. That's another beginning. So once you can check off, then if the book is real, then the message is real. Start reading the message and read the footnotes because like me, throughout Ramadan, I read the translation of the Quran, and I go to the footnotes for anything I don't understand. And then I call people I know who Alhamdulillah I have plenty of scholars to ask them to clarify or explain
something I don't understand so well. But be hungry to learn, be thirsty to learn. Then this feeling of hopelessness and helplessness again, it's the same thing. Being a constant, if you will unlock flows to you, and are conscious of him a lot will lie he will provide for you from sources you never expected. You will not feel empty. You may not have a single human friend, but you will have Allah who will fill your heart and I mean this from personal experience that emptiness I told you about that feeling lost, feeling empty, feeling guilty, while likey we're lucky that has all erased because whenever and each day we sometimes go through a roller coaster of emotions I go through or
sometimes during the week, something where I feel a bit low, I quickly turn to Allah, whether it's with a nathula whether it's in a car, whatever it is, whether it's in reading the Quran, I then find peace and comfort because Allah knows what I'm going through and he just lightens my load. So be conscious of him all the time. I think that will help you a lot, develop a love affair with the Quran. Then, what kind of challenges have I faced in that way? So alhamdulillah for me, I like to stay in the middle, I was raised with Islam, as practiced as a beautiful religion. In the home, I went back to my roots as to how my parents taught me Islam, which the seeds Alhamdulillah germinated
much later, I saw how simple my parents were. They were not. They didn't have this superficial spiritual superiority, and so on. I remember when my father was
told that he had the King Faisal award, that he was going to be honored with it. He kept breaking down in tears. I remember my husband was sharing with me once when my father broke down in tears talking to him and he said, I don't deserve it. But he said something that struck me he said, that means I need to sit up and like tighten my belt and really charge because now there's a responsibility that I need to fulfill. So challenges personally and humbling that I try to make sure I'm all inclusive, as somebody mentioned at the beginning, even non Muslims are following me and even non Muslims have engaged in registered for my premarital course. So Alhamdulillah I think if
one shares the true beauty of Islam with sincerity and honesty, then you won't face too many challenges. The biggest challenge to be honest comes from my fellow brothers and sisters that judging and condemning like I said someone said and when
and Masha Allah So may Allah continue to guide us all Allah, Allah don't care. We have about 14 questions more. Both will take so much though. I mean, whatever we can take a little bit because we're running out of time.
I have it the next question is from my mother have set a board of trustees deed in Gamblin. What do I do as a mother? That's number one. Second one also from another from mom or dad soon. My kids listen to this beautiful lecture, please give them and all other kids a word of encouragement as Muslim. Then the next one before you
give the response is from Hamid halimi. Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu. What is your advice for young Muslim professionals who have to manage the pressure to socialize that is go for drinks.
Go for a party and all those ones in order to grow in their professions or career while ensuring they do not compromise their Islamic identity. I think the last one now lightened up to identity to take it's part of the socialization
These days is to do what's your professional colleague goes,
have a meeting of a boss and
the traditional can take that on so agile, you can take the first to have the publisher not take the next one. The last one
with regard to an addiction, any kind of addiction, addiction to gambling addiction to porn, addiction to masturbation, my husband and I deal with a lot of things like that. So what I normally do with areas, I am not a specialist in the one I can share, I can give advice with regard to gambling, it is an addiction, just like any other addiction, that means you can't control yourself. So you have to find a professional who can help them rehabilitate bad habits, they need to first of all recognize they need help, sometimes they don't. When you're so addicted to something you don't realize you need help. So for me, I think the best thing is you might get an intervention people who
care come together and then make sure you get the right kind of person to counsel them. Now getting access to that is another problem. What I do is I do online searches for Muslim counselors around the world because you need it connected to the faith, you need them to also start becoming more conscious of Allah because by reading more and wanting to please Allah, most likely they will hopefully be able to recognize that this is something Allah has forbidden us from doing. So that's the little I can give because gambling is not something I'm specialized in. But maybe Dr. Additional, I might be able to share something on that. And then with regard to your kids watching,
I want to say Insha Allah, you're going to be all right. This is such a beautiful religion, and it guides you in every aspect of your life. Think of anything, how to get along with your friends, what kind of friends to move around with, how to behave, how to have good friends, Allah has a guide for you in how you conduct yourself and you will attract good people. Allah wants you to do good even when we don't feel like it. Allah wants you to give the help. And guess what each time you do that we're like Allah feels your haircut, so much happiness, so much love and so much joy. So always see yourself as an extension of Allah because Allah Allah says, has said he has made you his ambassador
on this earth. So think about everything you do your thoughts, the words that come out of your mouth the people you hang around with ask you so is this the kind of person Allah would want me to hang around with as his ambassador on this earth? Would Allah be happy if I said this because I'm representing him right? If I go here, if I do this, if I envy my friend or whatever, will Allah be pleased with me? So always, always, always be asking, Will Allah be pleased with me in this and insha Allah He will bless your life he will elevate you and inshallah you will be reunited with your bestest best people in the life to come inshallah inshallah Jana Zachman. Now Hydra, and for all
those who are watching who are young, May Allah guide you to stay on the on the right path, insha Allah, and then
additionally, over to you with regard to Muslim professionals.
Thank you idea. And thank you, a Diwali salam.
My own simple advice, really is that as a young Muslim professional, we just need to be conscious of how far we can push the envelope. Coincidentally, I had to deal with exactly the same issue. But from a more practical sense. About a year ago, my oldest son interned with one of the global investment firms, and they need to go out for drinks, they need to go out for manners of strength that
investment banks globally were known for. And
one night he called, and he said, see where we have very uncomfortable. So stay on, let's have a conversation the following day. And I helped him last staging to define what I believe to be his guiding principles. Again, we have a number of us seniors on the call, I've seen people like Mr. faladi, Allah on the call, you
just need to be conscious of who you are. So
we had a bought dinner recently, in a bank in London, and to celebrate a retiring CEO in London, and it was a dinner of about 25 people. I was the only Muslim on the table, but everybody knew where I stand when it comes to alcohol when it comes to wine. So it's about defining who you are defining your boundaries. And with time people will come to respect you for that. So that's all I can. I can offer I know sometimes you even meant to go for nightclub etc, etc. Just define your boundaries. Be clear about what is acceptable
Do your fate and the limit which can push the envelope. May Allah continue to help all of us.
I mean, thank you. Thank you. So there seems to be a lot of questions regarding children regarding kills, recalcitrants kits and all those on our take all of them together. Liddy, you may want to this is more of counseling. Lismore of counseling.
Let me take it. I'll take about three or four of them together so that we can refer to them as something together. First one is an anonymous, as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu. As you won't react or support children whose father tells things that are uncomfortable about their mother. That's number one. Number two is Salam aleikum add to you as a practicing Muslim parents deal with a difficult and rebellious teenager or adolescence who refuses to observe Ramadan and does not pray.
That's second 1/3. One is Alhamdulillah. For you, your mom dishonest, probably idiot. That was our mom. And she says I'll handle life for you, your mom, dad and sibling, y'all really work hard at propagating Islam. We use the books written by your mom in all our Iraqi classes in primary and secondary school.
School, the books were simplified and easily understood Alhamdulillah I learned a lot about Islam from those books. Please, could you give us some tips on how to imbibe Islamic values in our children, apart from ensuring that they attend Islamic schools. Also, please recommend some Islamic books and interesting story forms that will be interesting for children to read. I had access to some going up on campus, but did not know where to find such books.
That's the next one, please just hold on I really
want to have
get all of them together. Next one is from Omaha, Missouri, relating to what we have actually spoken about. It's the identity of an Islamic girl that she had the do's and don'ts of life. That's from Zara do's and don'ts of what do those um don'ts of life? I mean, is there some specific rule of what you need to do and what may not do especially for Muslim girl?
We can think
Okay, the first question was what do you do when a father literally slandering the mother?
You see, I always caution parents to be very careful number one our children didn't ask to be born. We chose to have them with Allah's blessing. However, they have rights over us. Just like we have rights over our children, we have to understand that good tarbiyah is one of the rights our children have over us. And if we mess our kids up, because there is no way you're going to be telling a child bad things about either parents. And this really applies to any of the two parents because I see it both ways. You cannot be slandering a parent. And one day that thing will not come back to haunt you. Several things could happen, your child could become dysfunctional, your child's relationship
with that parent will be ruined. And you will be held accountable for that. If that child becomes dysfunctional, from the relationship from the toxicity and the poison they've been given. If they by any chance go out there into the real world. And it affects them so much that they hurt others or it damages their life. In the life to come. You may have been an angel all your life doing the best things, building mosques and doing good you may be about to enter Jannah the lights your child that will call you back by reporting you to Allah because you didn't do right by them, because you poisoned them with this kind of inflammation and it damaged them. So whatever hurt they feel or
cause others you get permission for it. So we have to be very careful. This is while you are still married, I even tell people who are divorced. Never slander your ex wife or your ex husband to your children. Never bring them into the battlefield. Never make them love your lawyers. Marriage and Divorce is not about politics, people taking sides. Parenting is for life and you must put aside your differences and be able to consciously give your children the very best and don't bring them into your mess. So for me, I think you have to be very careful. If you're doing that with your spouse. We're lucky we're lucky that child will grow up and resent you one day you have to be very
What do you do when you're dealing with a rebellious teen that is not praying okay, I was there once upon a time.
And I have lived it because I experienced the same with my son. I'll never forget one day is my McNeil Mufti Menk and I gave a talk in Lagos and we were coming back on the plane and at
At home, my son was not praying. So I mentioned it to him. I said, I'm worried. And he knows my story that I had gone through a similar pace. So I said, I'm really worried that someone is not praying. And you know what to everything I tell him he rejects he doesn't read any of the books. I gave him the Geoffrey line books, right lose by religion struggling to surrender, even angels ask. He didn't read any of them that time and will lay him off. He looked at me and he said, Don't judge him. And he took me back to what happened to me. I was judged he pushed me away even further. Islam is meant to be. We bring people to Islam with beautiful preachings. Not with harshness, not with
condemnation, but talk about it with them, share what your concern is, who knows, you might even be able to get this recording and just beg them to watch it when they are young. And rebellious. It is so hard because they can be so obnoxious in how you know they throw away anything we do with them. But do not forget that your prayers will never go unanswered. intensify your prayers, and just keep reaching out and encouraging them little by little, not too hard and don't reject them. They will break away from you be very careful with that. May Allah guide us on? How do you imbibe Islamic values in the family? Well, like I said, you just have to walk the talk, you have to be an
intentional couple, you cannot have one parent doing all the work while the other is not. Sometimes they end up and doing all your work. So you need to both be on the same page. That's why I always talk about a couple of goals. What were your plans as a couple of where do you want to go? There's this quote that says if you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there. So if you are not intentional in what you want out of your relationship with your spouse, and why you had children in the first place, and what you want to instill in them, then anyone will do will take you there. So you need to be deliberate sit as a family, and talk about plans that you can do together.
Whether it's acts of charity, philanthropy, teaching them kindness, going to the orphanage reading books to the kids that are donating their old clothes to kids in the orphanage, you need to do acts of Ibadah together, they need to see you care for your elderly parents. These are all Islamic values. They need to see how kind you are how you're always giving, always generous always helping and talk about it the more you talk about it with them and ask them to contribute you will be amazed the most beautiful ideas that come from our children that we will be able to do ourselves as a family so let them be part of it because people support what they help create. So for me, I think
that would be the best advice I can give you.
When you pray like my husband he always prayed at home with us there's a mosque right outside the house. But growing up my husband stayed and led us in Malawi and every prayer as long as we're home together we pray together and we allow everybody takes turns to make two and we always make two are allowed so they hear the prayer you know they hear even the silliest things that we like me I have interesting like yeah, lights me again, I'm I'm back and they hear me have a chat and a conversation to our with Allah. And I noticed they do the same now. So alhamdulillah is all I can say. But you have to demonstrate what you want to see. recommend books. I've been out to a business of having
children for so long, my kids, I finished university. So I don't know what books are on the market right now. But if you go to Cuba publishing, because they're working on publishing my book on marriage and premarital, I think you will find their website and on Amazon but definitely to publishing a beautiful book. So and
there are other also out there there are other self published books by authors I think, look for good Muslim book shops in your area or online. You might be able to find something I know in Nigeria in Abuja, there's that corner. And there is
a shop was to I've been to and I can recommend, definitely they have other good Islamic books. But be very careful with Islamic book shops that are selling books for teens that have Muslim authors. I made a mistake because we run a school and I have teenagers in my school 400 of them. And I didn't realize some books I didn't screen thank God I gave someone to screen for me. Well love stories and really planting the wrong message. It's not meant for that age. If you don't want to let your kids be introduced to such things at this age, it's more of a western concept that they've put as novels so be very careful screened and that was what I would advise then identity of an Islamic girl do's
I don't know where to find, you know, pamphlet or where there are do's and don'ts. I just think you as a mother you have to teach your child and both the boy and the girl you know the Muslim identity which is dignity self control kindness, living Islam in other words being the walking Khurana the walking habits so like nicer Muslim identity mean and this applies to everything.
No human being, regardless of the age, it's about doing good. It's about submitting and staying on the Serato. Mr. Kim, I think that is what I will emphasize. And for the girl preserving her dignity, less is more. And, you know, making sure she understands like, you have to dig deep to get a diamond, you go through a lot of you go into the most dangerous parts of the earth to get a diamond out. But that's what makes it more spread special. That's what makes it more precious and more expensive and more exclusive. So she needs to get herself a chastity that everything even more, but the same applies to our boys, because that's what makes a girl that has preserved herself like that
deserve a man who has done the same. So that's all I can say with regard to those questions. Allahu Allah. Thank you. We, we still have more questions, which even if we can take a look at them, we'll have some sort of answer. And then we'll give them the authority for the next lecture, which is a Saturday at 10am. But I have Bala, Ibrahim on the line. Yeah. Well, I could do or means and then ask a question directly.
Thank you, for the insightful lectures, a handler for Islam. Okay, so my question basically is, sorry, maybe it's a bit personal. When you were giving us the answer about your son, that you had to tell me to make that your son was not praying. He said that it happened to you, I don't know whether you can take us through if it's something you would like to share with us. So that we can learn on how not to judge our, our, our kids, you know, that are not praying at the moment. Because you mean how it happened to me as a child, or what do you mean? Yeah.
Okay, I think I shared that at the beginning how I just, I felt so judged, can be because Muslim enough. And the other thing is the Muslims, those interested in teaching us the Quran, we're not good role models of Islam.
I learned that we're on with a cane. And sometimes they would like me and my brother and I, my dad gave them a book, a little book to record. Any time we misbehave. We weren't very naughty children. Don't get me wrong. We were very naughty. But sometimes they use the book as blackmail, because they would love that we did something wrong when we didn't just so that we go and get them, like this guy in particular, just to go get him stuff from my mother's pantry. So I got turned off by that. And I didn't really I detached and disconnected from the message of Islam in the home, which was being presented to me beautifully. But my life was not revolving. I wasn't just an island within the home.
So once I stepped out whether it's the IRQ teachers in my school in secondary school, again, very judgmental, very strict, very harsh, unfortunately, that became a problem. So for me, I think we parents need to be very conscious, very sensitive about how we present Islam. First, like I said, we need to make sure they see it in us in how we conduct ourselves. We have parents who will tell the children lie, to lie to so and so that I'm not home, things like that we are teaching them bad habits. We're teaching them wrong. We have to be very conscious. We can't be speaking from both sides of our mouths. They hear us on the phone telling a story and they know it's a lie. We're
To me, my youngest son, he's Alhamdulillah, he had a love for Allah from a very, very young age. And he doesn't play with his prayers at all, ever since he was young. He's always been, you know, anything Islam. He was very, very much into that. And I remember one day, he had me talking to someone on the phone when I dropped the phone. He said, Mama, will Allah police you for what you just said? What did I just say? And he told me and I was like, Yeah, I'm gonna punish me if I don't ask him for forgiveness and make sure I don't do it again. So, you know, like, getting them to understand wrong from right. But I'll give you a quick example.
In our school, whenever kids go home on holiday, we share books with them, and the literature that are produced by our headquarters, the Islamic education trust. And on this particular holiday, this boy was going home with a book, Ideal Muslim husband, Ideal Muslim wife that were published by my mother. And he opened the packet it was addressed to his dad, but he opened it and he read the two books. It was small booklets before he reached home. He said why he was so disgusted reading it because of how his mother is so oppressed in the home. He said, My father is not even doing one quarter of what is supposed to be his obligations to my mom or fulfilling the rights that my mom has
over him. So he said, Well, I lost all respect for my father for that. So again, he said, but look at how he will judge me for work. You may be reaching comparing my IRA properly, he will judge me for praying late and so on. He won't be that
Same holiday because he was a mess emotional mess when he came back. He said his father had something he wanted him to help him with. So he went on his father's laptop to do the work. He said he did Busybody and entered the recycle bin. He said he saw nude pictures of his father and another woman in bed together when life this boy was sharing this with me. And so you can imagine this is somebody who is being punished for not practicing Islam properly, but it's seeing the worst in us as human beings in the home so we parents have to make sure we're constantly demonstrating and let Islam be fun. Let it be, you know, we have to understand I always say personal message. Hello,
Salem, were here with us today, I would love to know what kind of advice you would give us because so much has changed. So much has evolved. The message hasn't changed of Islam. But you need to upgrade the style that this generation that lives and feats of instant gratification, you're able to give them in the language they understand because as they touch their devices, things happen too quickly. But then you see, we Muslims, we come on screen, we don't look kept, we don't look neat. And then we start also bIllahi min ash shaytani R rajim Bismillah hir rahman al Rahim. So on today's lecture, we are going to I watch NTA I'm watching TV stations during this run of Allah, He I just
think you are not going to have the youth listening. And they're not looking up to us parents. They're not looking up to scholars, and even the sahaba. They're not looking up to them as the role models. So what is it that's going to be the personification of what Islam looks like? If we don't show it in the home? They're looking at American Idol. They're looking at reality TV, big brother, Africa, and all that junk and all that trash out there. Rock Stars, musicians and celebrities. Those are their role models. So what are we going to do to make sure we are appealing to the youth? Every thing Ramas like, be careful, you will turn the youth away till there's nothing they can find as
good content. That's what I love about the way morphine monkeys nonjudgmental. And because we invited him to a school, he came, and he's like a fountain hula, you know, he's hip. He's up to date with the language the youth love. And you know, he has the energy and the enthusiasm and he has this nor about him, it looks clean the same way, mostly man. So we need to try and evolve and upgrade ourselves to make sure we are attracted to this generation, whether it's in our homes or as Muslim community leaders influences we have Dr. Addy Shala, who organized this event and somebody in the audience is saying my children is what are watching, my children are watching as well. This is what
we want, we need more of things where we're able to bring the kids, you know, to the table in a community of Muslims in a safe space where they know they won't be judged. They won't be condemned. Allow them. Thank you. Even though we have about nine more questions remaining. I think I can summarize them in three questions because about four or five of the questions are pot related. And it's what's actually spoken about.
The first question from what our kill injuries is all about. The questions that the media war against Islam is on the ascendancy and a reality, or the we deal with this rising phenomenon in the 21st century, as believers without having problems are not called the hardest.
Second questions, which is also similar to about three or four more questions is
are we allowed to be closed with people that are Christian? And what if they're the ones that encourage you to your salats?
Sorry, could you repeat that question? I didn't and so what the attendee is asking is that should that are we allowed to the close friends with Christians? And what if they those crystals are the one encouraging you with your salads? I mean, they encourage you to purchase your salad and Iman so that's the second question
the third question is like an advice counseling from Idris my mum wants to get married to a lady that I have no chemistry connection with.
Although I'm not in any relationship, what advice can you give me?
Then the next one which also has about five more about three or four more questions, or just that one is our best? Our best is it to navigate raising people's children when one is not getting the business supporting them from the spouse in achieving such goal. I have questions related to that. What are the couple is diverse and then the child out best to raise a child in terminal that you can take all the dose faster and that's
okay, does that come along here and the media war going on first, like I said,