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Marriage 16 Marriage Problems Andsolutions

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Karim Abuzaid

Channel: Karim Abuzaid

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Episode Transcript

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Nakamoto who want to start you know who want to start?

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When we let him in surely I'm fusina amin Surya Melina Maria de la who Fela Malala woman young

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fella, the Allah wa shadow Allah Illa Illa bajo la sharika

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wash had one now Mohammedan Abdo who are solo

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brothers and sisters in Islam as salaam alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

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we say Alhamdulillah Allah de venir Mati he that a masala heart or lady Yakubu Tabata on a body he Why are for Anissa yet,

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without Bella Tada, we conclude tonight, the series love marriage and divorce. This is the final lecture in that series.

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And Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah that we were able to actually completed, completed, we actually had 15 lectures and this is lecture number 16. So, Alhamdulillah

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before the light Allah in that series, we were able to talk about

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love marriage and divorce, basically love deals with getting to know the woman with whom you want to be husband and the woman getting to know the man with whom she wants to be a wife.

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And

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we spoke about the HIPAA rules and what can be done and what we cannot do and and then we ended up talking about the marriage contract and the conditions for the marriage contract to be valid. And the wedding and we kind of spoke about this in details. Then we got into the duties and the responsibilities

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of the husband.

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And also the duties and responsibilities of the wives.

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And again, my dear brothers and sisters in Islam, all of this

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was towards a successful, happy, peaceful marriage.

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By default,

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the intention behind marriage was mentioned in the verse and saw Latino woman area tea and Holla Holla coming full circle as virgin Lita school no lie.

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So, marriage, this institution, the husband and wife, all of this is number one, to find a second.

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A second means a place where the husband and wife do find peace, tranquility, find shelter.

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Basically, they retreat to that place.

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You know when you're in trouble you will not be alone.

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Your home must be the place where you feel like you should be

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if the house if the home does not give you this, then there is something wrong that you have to fix. Because Allah subhana wa tada mentioned that the objective of that relationship that you'll find a second, a second a place where a person finds silence, he can reflect upon himself.

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And this is the first intention the first objective of that institution. Number one second later, SCU Allah wa Jalla in Akuma the

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number two, you must love you must find love and affection in the home.

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If there is no love,

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and I'm not talking by the way about this love, which they sing about out there in the movies and the songs and

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the love, will you feel for the person

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you feel for your wife, your wife feels for you. There is a mutual bond and that bond

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In the heart wodeyar Lavina kumada Maota is the love. But what happens if you've been married for 20 3040 years, and that feeling of love is not there anymore. It's hard. You're getting so much used to the person. She's around us all the time. He's around her all the time. It's becoming like everyday routine, you know, when you're getting bored from one another,

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your relationship is boring. Because you're around one another all the time, then look at this water, then comes in numbers,

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that now we should care for this person, as you care for your brother.

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Don't look at him, like your husband. Look at him like your brother in the sense of offering him comfort. He's a human being he needs so the mercy comes in place. See, second, this is the title second, Mauer de

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la This is the slogan of a successful marriage.

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As if your marketing you're saying come to my house where you find second,

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her love and mercy,

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those three pieces must be there.

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And this is what all these things which we explained

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are serving are driving the Muslim home driving the Muslim family to harbor those three elements. Because those are the three elements where you will find a successful happy place happy marriage, happy home

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for you.

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But let's say that Alhamdulillah

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everyone has implemented all these things with which we have mentioned

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they got together right he the husband chose the righteous women and the women her guardian chose for her a will manner good character, religious person Mashallah, the fifth point will Masha Allah, you got to know your duties, your responsibilities, everything went by the work you have applied all the things which we have mentioned in the last 50 lectures.

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Does this mean that you're not going to have problems at home?

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You're dreaming?

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You're still gonna have problems, marriage problems.

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But is he having the knowledge

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of the things which we explained in that series regarding the duties of each partner, who will contain these problems, minimize their impact. But the point that I'm trying to get across to you here, that there is no way in the world, you're going to end up with that 100% positive. No problem problem free marriage. Impossible. And it's very unfortunate that the culture where we were brought up, they actually got us to think this way.

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Yeah, I'm sorry, I was brought up back in in Egypt, for example. They always showed up those sorts of OPERS 30 episodes. A man and women are trying to get married. The whole episode, the whole series is about trying to get married.

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They go and then somebody jumps in and breaks the relationship and they try again. Oh, we love one another. They are focusing on that devilish kind of devious kind of thing. Oh, can I can I meet you? When can we meet? My father said this, my mother.

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It's and then the last episode they tell you. And they got married. Huh? This is the last episode. And they tell you what they live happily ever after your hobby.

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They never show part two.

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They never show you what

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I was.

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You know, one of the brothers were trying to he called me and he actually complaining. He said chief all of you. You speak about how to get married and how to choose the right wife and how the husband and all of this but you guys never talk about problems about these problems which we face after marriage. You never address it and it's true.

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As if we only focus on work on getting you to uniting you together.

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But then we don't fill in you fill you in regarding what you should do and so forth. A shadow. The important thing is, I want to say that impossible that you're going to find marriage without problems. Why? I'm going to mention four reasons very quickly. It goes against the wisdom behind our existence in this world to begin with.

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You see, a big problem if you think that you're here in this world to be rewarded.

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You're here to be tested.

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That's the statement that I like to boot it this dounia this life This world is a testing place, not a resting place.

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Jani, I want to tell you if you end up with a happy marriage, philosophy, then there is no need for it.

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There is no need for it. No, your suppose in this world that you get a taste a taste of happiness. But everything is stored with

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one of the little Sahaba the companions when they used to dig that

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trench in the bathroom, that they were all the other wording when they used to build the machine. They used to chant they used to say this Allahumma iascaigh lies lF era no real life except the life of what? Of Ashura for a shadow. The important thing is, you're here to be tested and you're going to be tested by your wife and your wife will be tested by you and your children will test you and you Yeah, you have Latina men in common as well.

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I do

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not just testers at Mr. You enemies Do you know Mr. kuhmo?

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Fitness, Fitness. Actually, this is the area where you get tested most

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of it Natarajan Fie le fitness orajel fi athlete, he took a feud over al Hadi

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that a person get tested with his wife. And this is where you actually get tested most tabarrok Allah de da de mucho de Lucia de la de holla, moto hyah, the whole thing is to be tested.

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And this is where you spend the majority of your time.

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Think about it. At least half of the time you spend at home, whether sleeping or whether or socializing with your family. That means you're going to be tested there. So be aware that this is the nature of the thing. Add to this

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another piece here. It really goes against the nature of things. Yeah, imagine, imagine Subhanallah two individuals, they were brought up in two different environments. By all the sudden they are next to one living with one another day today, they are in the bed together, they are eating together, she was brought up somewhere else. And you were brought up in the east or the west. And now you're living together the hut. Even the brothers who ended up separating, and this person goes to that place and this person lives in that place. They have two different

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different personalities. Now this is a person Yeah, and she cannot be your sister. She cannot be one of your Muharram she has to be non Muharram to be married to her and you cannot marry your man hire me she has to be someone who's strange to you.

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Now you're uniting together you're together in the same house obvious that we're gonna have differences obvious so you have to expect that he can just will that in you know we were one soul in two bodies and McCallum had a gallon of lab and one soul in two bodies that's fine. But I'm telling you because different habits different cultures different. So we have to in a way expect this.

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Add to this

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add to this original model of eosinophil ottima the men and the women by default they are different. Had the hidden philharmoniker lucky the opposite what gender

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is really the opposite. We were asked lil Hill Khosla

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he co created and then she was taken out of Europe.

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She she's different to you a lot of fashion her different the fashion you add to this our millennial millennial, our variables when you've grown up and you have to expect to find differences to find differences. Number three, and the reason before last, just to

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Gives you a peace of mind that you cannot just expect expect

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then the easygoing life. Number three, the head of the institution of this belief in the face of this earth is after your marriage.

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I'm talking about shaitan. And maybe share this with you also throughout the lecture throughout the series, but I remind you again, in honor of our Shahada Coolio had his GI bill for a Muslim every single day, Chai upon crowns,

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a genie who separate a husband and wife.

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Every day he does this.

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In the shaitana, Allah azza wa jal match a THON pleases his throne and Ruth.

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And then all these little Genie they come reporting to him before this person doing their corruption and mess chef. Hmm, man abahlali oma Muslim and Albus boutet. Whoever does the best job today, I will crown him with my own eyes. there with my own hands, I'm sorry, at the end of the day,

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they come reporting to him again. What did you do? I was the reason for this person to kill this person. Happy Hour if you need to sit so you're our showing

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our cover up until the knees is down.

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So

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so they disperse.

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They come in at night.

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And they start reporting the things which they learn

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I was able to get this person to kill this person I was able to get this person to drink this. Good job, good job until one of them stands and says I did not leave a husband and wife until I separated them.

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Now and and then add to this brothers and sisters in Islam. shaitan is not going to only work with the Jimmy he's going to also work on the human Chaya theme officiating will ensue. Certainly. There are helpers of shaitan from the human beings.

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Your neighbors, is that loving

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your neighbor who envisio there are people who do not like to see husband and wife happy

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and has a dad emasculate envy.

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When you when you find a family that is functioning, this is one of a kind these days, I'm telling you.

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I'm telling you, if you have a functioning family, you're a target. Look at them as happy together.

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They never have problems. What's wrong with these guys, man?

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So here, voila, ma shaitan is gonna use then he's having a miserable life. This person is having a miserable life. He would like you to have good children. He would like you to have a good wife. He would like the wife to have a good husband. So I wouldn't say that the the devil and his Hilbert shaitan and his helpers from Jin and from ends are after your manage

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their job is to separate you. So if you What do you expect? You're going to expect some problems here and there. Add to this number four. And the last reason that I want to mention we can mention more boo to a cabin

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will fog

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the homes of the people who are much better than us have problems.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had issues in his homes with his wife Rasul Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah I mean as worthy he Sha, Allah. He abandoned his wife for a whole month.

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He told him I'm not because of a problem.

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Beatty nice a lot of Salaam had family issues, family problems, but again, they knew how to handle it. They learn how to deal with the problems. You see, the problem is not knowing how to deal with the problem. The problem is not to expect to have problems and that's what I want to dismiss out of your mind. You're going to have problems in your families. But the fact that you're expecting problems, then we just need to learn how to deal with these problems. Yan and apalachee Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam came up with

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the story of the kuhnian of Aryan avatar. You know Satan Oliver bizarrely had a lot of cool news.

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The most beloved to him is edited.

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Torah,

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Torah, the father of the dust. Do you know the story behind the 21 day the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam went to the house of Allah subhanaw taala

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in order to ask about him and his wife asked him about the laquanda one of the Illuminati. What is Alia Fatima? Oh, we had some problems and he left home. We had a

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faulty Marine

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who sadly got upset and he did what?

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Left like you do? Isn't that what you do when you get upset with your wife with your spouse? You you get going he did the same.

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But

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the beauty of the machine will say daddy would go

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head on.

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Let's go get a drink. So I forget to shampoo Can I

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change? Chef? Look at the difference. Okay. Oh man, let me go and find another woman This is he goes to the

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refugee shelter that will match it had a shelter there. We have to always enjoy in good forbid evil in our massages. Make sure that everybody is sheltered here. When you need help you come to the masjid

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Satan Allah tala de la went to the machine at a time when there is nobody is around. Sophia who, one of the greatest blessing that you get when you're upset that you are asleep.

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I'm telling you, when you're upset, when you're feeling down, when you're distressed and you go to sleep, rest assured that Allah is comforting you

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because normally when you're mad when you're upset when you're agitated, sleep is azeez doesn't, you know you move around right and left in tune for

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OSHA? Yeah.

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But would you Manzella la comida de la me.

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Mr. Nathan, no has

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spoke about the the companions in the day forward. They just got defeated. 70 of them were killed. And Allah broke down upon you after this distress. asleep, went to sleep for Satan. Look at him. He's distressed. He's mad. He said he went to sleep.

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Family Law, machinery equity did not have these rugs. They didn't have rugs. He slept in the ground. It was hot. He's with it. Rasul Allah wa sallam, when he learned that he is not in the house, guess where he should look for him. They however, as you can film as Jim Carrey

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He must be in numbness. So he went to the machine and he saw him sleeping. And of course because of the sweat that the sand the dust can have a garden has led his body for Carla who homea to

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wake up the father of what Torah Torah does for Canada who never would

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be used to love anyone who would call him with the spoon.

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And he had other cuneus Abolhassan. You can go ahead a lot. haidara and a lady said a lot of things and he had a lot of names.

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Yeah, and he had a lot of titles. But the most beloved to him was this one because the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Can

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you notice in this ad and this is something that we're gonna come to later on in a minute or so. So law seller never asked him what happened.

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What did you do to my daughter

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never even asked her neighborhood. The hubby stops date that he woke him up. And somehow he has came about something he didn't even bring it. Just to teach you even if you're a father, even if you're a little relative. Do not

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basically bring yourself in the issue unless you're asked. Learn it. Learn it between a husband and wife dome dome unless you're asked and you must be asked seriously don't don't volunteer

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to be in between a husband and wife because there is a there are a lot of things that happens between a husband and wife that you do not know

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whether a fundamental a la una

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vida por la comunidad de la la jolla hoon. If the husband divorces his wife, and she comes out of the bed, and he wants to take her back. Parents don't stand in the middle.

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Look at the tail of the verse. Allah knows and you do not know there are a lot of things between the man and his wife. Even so you are the parents

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You don't know about them.

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You don't, even you are the parents, but there are a lot of private

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as well, you having that intimacy with your wife is the closest relationship in the whole world that a person can have with another person, even parents, son, brother, all that no, this is the closest that a person can be to another person. That is why don't for us also Allah teaches us

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not to get involved and had a theory or a lie. What I'm trying to say is, listen, there is no such

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problem, free marriage.

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settle for this, you're going to have problems. But now let's learn how to minimize

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the impact of these problems on our marriages.

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Let's learn how to contain it.

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And this way, you only they tell you that the best way towards solutions of any problem is figuring out what the reason

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they tell you that finding out the reason for the problem is the first step towards what hotter fulfill it when you want to develop software, you spend some time and doing what studying what the case the problem? What is the problem? What is the problem? You go to a business manager? What is your problem? What do you want to do? Oh, I want to do this. Usually you spend time actually the majority of the time learning why the problem occurs, why do you have problems and by learning why you have problems, you identify the reason, then you look for work.

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Why the doctor why when you go to the doctor, he tells you go to scan go to this thing, I want you to go to urine, I want you to go and you spend the whole time what doing all this level for him was to figure out what the problem and easy when you figure out the problem. You write stuff like you don't understand, go get this you take it good to go.

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But you spend all of your money and what

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level

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fell, it's in sha Allah. And there are a lot of reasons that causes problems in marriages.

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I chose 12. And I'm hoping in a las panatela that I could finish them quickly in sha Allah today, I'm going to go through them quickly. And I'm telling you, I was actually supposed to carry on with that series, talk about these problems, how to solve them. But I'm gonna try to sum it up in this lecture in sha Allah. Number one.

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The husbands and the wives are ignorant. And I say this with respect, maybe we should say are unaware of the responsibilities.

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And I shared with you in a previous lecture, the girl, the daughter,

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her father brought her to the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam ala rasulillah I want her to get married. And she doesn't want to

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ask her why why should I want to know what are the rights of my husband's upon me first.

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A lot of us we get married, you don't know that. Your is what your responsibilities are.

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And I'm telling you, my brothers and I even told you know that I told you this before these things you will be asked about them. It is not optional.

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It is not optional. You don't have a choice. As long as Allah says do this, do not do this, you have to fulfill it. Because at the end of the day,

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the way that you join this woman is through a marriage contract.

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And that is what this was a contract act. Yeah, you're Latina, Manawatu Ofu bilou

00:29:23--> 00:29:28

fulfill the terms of the contracts, you sign.

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He said I accept. Now, by default anything which is in the book of Allah, anything which is in the Sunnah of the messenger of Rasulullah, sallallahu alayhi wasallam you have agreed to fulfill these rights. So a problem that and so panela even so they did not have lectures in the past. They did not have television, but the Muslim mother used to be the best

00:29:59--> 00:29:59

one

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You don't have these mothers anymore. Where the mother sits with the daughter, your husband shouldn't see this from you, your husband shouldn't see this from you, you should do this for your husband, when he gets upset then you could do the mother becomes what? The institution, the institution, or the Father, for the son.

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Your responsibility is to do this, you have to provide for her, you have to be kind for her to her, you have to So right now, unfortunately, we don't have that caliber of parents. Now, you have to fulfill this through education. And that is why I tell them and I tell them, then women before you get married, learn fifth hole.

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There is a book in our books, called Faithful, which is this love marriage and divorce, we just chose to call it differently, but we're really talking about how to put a family together and how to make it function. So it is important before you go into that relationship as a husband and as a wife, that you learn the responsibilities now what if you're already married? Go ahead and learn it now.

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You get married, and you did not learn about it. Learn it, read it. Go kiddo. Right What is the responsibilities of the husband at home? If you go and Google it, it's gonna come for you according

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to the Quran, and soon it will come to you

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is supposed to do 12345 that's your responsibilities as a person of knowledge as a learning person first lol at victory in quantum law, ask those who are learned if you do not know but this is very important. This is number one. Number two, another problem which causes family problems. Listen, it's all women are other and decree in Allahumma in schatten

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itself it's

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anyone who turns his back on my remembrance, I will make him live a miserable life

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feduni nl Li MLM

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multi Amati dunia Masha Van COVID miserable life we're in the dungeon The problem is that we have in our homes we do not remember Allah

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or other we're engaged in sinning you enter the Muslim house now music on the television music in the raid you look at I want you to count the amount or the number of the CDs which movies in an average Muslim home movies

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level songs those that the songs and and the Quran CDs and the lecture CDs. Just place those in the scale get the scale and place those in one pair and the other one in one pair

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15 the caliphate

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the Muslim home now you enter the Muslim home you find pictures hanging on the wall pictures of living things. human animals fish. This bans the angels from entering the house. We're talking about having a happy family here and there is no angels.

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When was the last time that you prayed a voluntary Salah in your home? Do not turn your homes into graves.

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Pray that this Salah that a person can this please that the person can pray. After the man the tourists Allah is in nephila with his house, his home

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reciting Surah Al Baqarah in the house to kick shaitan out

00:33:55--> 00:34:08

you get the echo now people coming shake I have Jen in my house all over the place. tamagoyaki Mahajan in the house Linda met with pictures all over the place. But if the angels are not there, that means who's gonna take over?

00:34:09--> 00:34:22

Who you get this dog old? You get this question all the time. Can I have a dog in my house? Yeah, you cannot have a dog my brother You cannot have a dog in your house. The only reason for you to have a dog if you live in a farm

00:34:23--> 00:34:35

or you are a hunter, you hunt and use the dog for this or you need security and the dog provides security are threatened for you with one condition that the dog must be outside the house.

00:34:37--> 00:34:56

And I'm telling you if you have a dog in your home without having one of these reasons as a premise as a ground, first of all Malaika angels do not enter this house. Number one, number two Sabbath you lose one clear out of reward daily

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automatically. Imagine this

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The person who has a dog is Felicia Aslan. He doesn't even he doesn't know any law. And automatically by having a dog in the house, he loses one spirit, the Prophet sallallahu sallam.

00:35:16--> 00:35:20

He explained how much the Colossus is a chunk of reward greater than the amount

00:35:22--> 00:35:27

because having a dog how you lose that, for what?

00:35:29--> 00:35:30

For

00:35:32--> 00:35:59

indulging in sins and that is why if you see your wife singing, if you see your husband sitting, do something about it, because this will affect your relationship. So we must turn our homes we must turn our houses into houses of Muslims, we're mimicking non Muslims therefore, once it comes to our homes, yeah, and I'll never forget this. I know I say it all the time. I go to some brothers, not here.

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And I enter their bathrooms and I found them having magazines and magazines to read. Urinary Salalah salad teaches you that when you enter the bathroom make the

00:36:13--> 00:36:14

movie Kevin Dunn

00:36:15--> 00:36:38

is telling you that inside this place, there is what male and female what Shariati now you're giving me magazine to read while I'm sitting down y'all Give me a break you're supposed to get out and leave quickly. This is the place where they will this is the place where we leave so you enter into a brother's house Muslim home huh? And he's sitting down in the thing and Mashallah is having an old variety

00:36:40--> 00:36:49

news week you end up and he tells you a light yeah one of them he told Elia shift that this article that I read in the bath

00:36:52--> 00:37:10

it really reflects upon Yeah, II find joy Chaitanya may want to keep you in shape. I want to keep you there. That's why you wake up for failure. And you want to go or you wake up for a lot of us. It happens to all of us. We wake up for the hygiene at night.

00:37:11--> 00:37:19

And you lose the battle in the bath don't you? You want to play the hedges at night so Mashallah, you got your

00:37:20--> 00:37:27

shelterness three knots. You already untied the first knot now you go to the bathroom and you're sitting in the bathroom we

00:37:29--> 00:37:44

go back it's still early still early you can you can have still more you're working isn't Aren't you working Huh? What did you get another half hour you go back you get another half hour you wake up it's morning time you missed

00:37:48--> 00:37:52

we got to go back we got to lobby.

00:37:53--> 00:37:56

A lobby can be sent me mmm had a coo

00:37:57--> 00:38:01

coo nice Can you will by the way the bathrooms in the past used to be worked.

00:38:02--> 00:38:12

Yeah, having the bathroom inside the home is much better. Otherwise it's a bit overdue. Okay. I'm not saying this. I have a bathroom inside my

00:38:14--> 00:38:39

Listen, I want to tell you that the Arabs they used to have the bathroom walk away from the house that when you want to go a bathroom that the building the actual building and will lie I remember where I was brought up in Egypt. The original home which we had the bathroom will lie was far away. We used to walk actually maybe 200 300 feet just to make it to the death in a

00:38:41--> 00:38:41

cooler

00:38:43--> 00:38:43

Thailand in

00:38:45--> 00:39:17

the hunting ground for the Muslims. Okay, so we want to go back make the home made the house a place we will we remember Allah subhanaw taala because if we don't have we turn away from the remembrance of Allah, my gift My dear husband My dear wife, Allah will fulfill mo why men are the key if you turn away from my remembers as a husband and as a wife that in Allahumma Asia Tom banca you're gonna have a miserable life.

00:39:19--> 00:39:48

Let the man when we spoke about the responsibilities of the man the number one responsibility which we spent a lot of time in. Yeah you are Latina, COO, COO, coo coo coo, coo coo coo una. This is the responsibility of the man that did you pray my wife? Did you pray my son? Did you pray my daughter? If your wife doesn't pray, if your son doesn't pray? If you are they are engaged in this obedience. This will take away the happiness from home. What more

00:39:50--> 00:39:53

laka this celerity was started.

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Command your family to pray and be patient and commanding them. Did you pray the

00:40:00--> 00:40:22

Do you pray? Do you pray? Did you pray? You pray always did you pray was confiscated in Ghana? So de Canaria? Allah who can afford it Allah? Allah surah Nadia, what can a a moral philosopher smile when Allah subhanaw taala mentioned him in the plan. He used to command his family to do what to pray.

00:40:23--> 00:40:54

For this is important. This is Reason number two, that the family is hitless and dumar Flan de la subhana wa Taala. There are some listen there are some basics, a salata hums basics, you as the head of the house should not allow anyone who dwells under the roof of your home who doesn't pray five times, you must make an issue out of it. You must make an issue out of it. Because those people will bring misery into your house.

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After this, this obedience, somebody brings alcohol, somebody that smokes in the house or stuff like that smokes dope, make a stand because whenever you allow this obedience in your house, that means this is turning away from the remembrance of Allah. And this will lead to losing. Second mercy Allah Remember, we're trying to achieve those three second mercy and love, second love and mercy second love and mercy. Whenever you do not see, rest assured that there is a sin out there.

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Another problem as well, which we find in the Muslim homes now is the issue of Finance. And pay attention to this. And I was on on my live show. Last week last, I believe last Tuesday, and this person calls me from New York

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and he's asking me this question she

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I want to marry a woman that I can offer her what the companions offered the wife's

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attend tianni

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caliber

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is that my right or what?

00:42:12--> 00:42:26

I told him listen you're overdoing it because when Allah Subhana Allah Allah and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam spoke about providing in the Quran and the Sunnah. They always used the word bill ma

00:42:27--> 00:42:28

Jani will narrow

00:42:29--> 00:42:33

according to what is customary. What is the custom?

00:42:34--> 00:42:45

Yeah, you cannot come now out of the blues and you want to take my daughter and enter into shape. uronema right, don't you believe in then the renouncing who, Mashallah via Wi

00:42:46--> 00:42:58

Fi, he walks in, you just say, I want to take your daughter, I'm gonna give her $10 Maha dowry and I'm gonna give her one rule Mashallah Javi. And I have a simple model.

00:43:00--> 00:43:03

According to what what? customer that minimum,

00:43:04--> 00:43:17

a flat, a candle? One car? Yes, that's fine. You don't have to have a house with four or five rooms. You don't have to have three, four cars that's overdone. Possible out of

00:43:19--> 00:43:27

the husband and wife should address these issues. Now, we ended up with two ends to this problem now.

00:43:29--> 00:43:37

What we want and the ideal setting for the family is the wife is at home and you go out earn the bread.

00:43:40--> 00:43:41

This is the ideal.

00:43:43--> 00:44:22

And again, the sisters Don't misunderstand me I'm not trying to live their Western people. They say they're trying to turn you into an animal that carries babies and breastfeed and make foodlab. But this is the ideal setting, that you stay at home. The husband goes out and earns the bread. Now you end up with a problem here that the wife is not happy with what she's being provided with. Again, I'm not talking about stinginess here, I'm not talking about the brother who called me from New York attend law, according to what is customary.

00:44:23--> 00:44:24

Now she wants more.

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Because she's looking at her friends. She was looking at her sisters. She's looking at her family members who are married and they have more stuff than

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and she wants more. Then you end up with up you're gonna end up with a problem that this wife is going to have to go out and earn.

00:44:42--> 00:44:43

earn some of the money.

00:44:45--> 00:44:49

Now this is gonna shake the family who's gonna take care of the children

00:44:50--> 00:45:00

who's gonna bring up the children who's gonna cook now you lose half of your power, half of the ground in which you are in charge of this

00:45:00--> 00:45:08

Family is lost. By the way, whenever your wife goes out to war to earn money, you lost half of the

00:45:10--> 00:45:10

boy.

00:45:12--> 00:45:17

Una Nisa, b maphack de la la hooba Hamada ba,

00:45:19--> 00:45:19

ba ma

00:45:21--> 00:45:36

mean, unwary half. That means you're not supporting the family fully, she is sharing half of that support, you lose half of the karma being in charge, both of you are now in charge.

00:45:41--> 00:46:04

That's another issue. That's a good point. If you agreed that she goes out because she's fulfilling her responsibilities at home, and she does not use her money for the house. That's then another issue. But I'm talking in particular if she shares the responsibility, I said, when you're not able to provide fully for the family

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another problem arises here when you end up with a greedy husband.

00:46:11--> 00:46:13

How much your paycheck?

00:46:14--> 00:46:18

What are you gonna do with this money? A property? Yeah, it was killer, Phil, Phil, Phil.

00:46:19--> 00:46:25

Don't even pretend it's a problem. I know have a brother in law here. I know.

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His jobs. He's married to more than one wife. He sits at home and the three wives go to work

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to fit the rugged mobile

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and they go and earn

00:46:40--> 00:46:41

and he's doing I don't know how he's doing.

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But I'm telling him this is wrong. This is not right. There's something wrong here. It's not gonna work.

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For I think

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a big problem that we have in our homes is the financial issues before you get married or if you are married, discuss it with your wife. I really would like you to stay at home. Yeah, but I would like to go out will fulfill your response. I don't want you to like I said, I'm supporting the family. I do not need anything from you. Now if you fulfill your responsibilities at home, and if you want to go out and work that's fine. That's fine. There is no problem with this. I'm not if you want to contribute contribute, but in this context, I want to say

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that any time that the wife contributes to the financial aspect of the family is actually an act of charity.

00:47:37--> 00:47:43

He has a facade doc sada azova she of course enamel armor

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and she must have done a for this

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number for the big problem that we have locally. The different levels of commitment to the religion.

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Here is the ideal ideal scenario. Which is happening now in a lot of Muslim homes. Look at this non ideal in the sense of to explain this.

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You see when we met it

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we never thought about religion.

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She married you because Masha Allah He is faricy Lachlan is the horseman who is going to come and take her on a white horse

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dream guy and and you married her because she's Masha Allah, the religion never been in the picture. And I'm telling you 75% of the marriages in the Muslim world happen this way

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or her family she has a good family you

00:48:48--> 00:48:55

should know well, when we spoke about choosing a wife we said that you need to choose what religious religion religion religion.

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Now what happened that we got married for other reasons then the religion

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Now what happens is, the brother gets married.

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Then he comes to the masjid and he sets in front of the shape his lecture or a talk? Allahu Akbar. He turns into fully committed to the religion

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he changes

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or the system

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or the system the sister comes to the masjid or she knows as another sister or she watched something in television something in the internet, Masha Allah now she's a driving force now comes in the problem in a lot of homes now.

00:49:44--> 00:49:56

Because what different levels she's up there or he's up there once it comes to his lab, once it comes to the commitment of to the religion, and he still works. He's still the same guy you married.

00:49:58--> 00:49:59

The guy who doesn't even pray

00:50:01--> 00:50:04

But he's thinking that he's still the horseman

00:50:05--> 00:50:23

but comes into providing to pray. Now, the problem that we have in our homes right now that the husband or the wife, when they turn to Allah, when they become fully committed to the religion, they want their spouse to be like them right away.

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And you end up with a problems.

00:50:27--> 00:50:41

You married her, she you never spoke to her about a job, you actually braised her nice hair when you're outside. Now, you came and she told you that the woman has to wear her hijab? Can you wear your hijab? No, I'm not gonna wear my hijab.

00:50:43--> 00:50:47

You married me this way. Remember, used to like me going out like this, remember?

00:50:49--> 00:50:54

And you know when this problem becomes greater when it goes to the children

00:50:55--> 00:51:13

when it goes to, because now you want because you're more committed to the religion. You want your religion, your children to learn about the deen. And then the wife said, Why are you doing? Can you go and wake up your son for Pfizer, for example, for 30 now, what are you doing? He has to go to school? What school you're at what school yells at the Salah.

00:51:15--> 00:51:26

He has to go to school? Are you are you bringing up our boy to be a terrorist? What are you doing? That's two phonetic problems. We have a lot of problems and in our homes because of this

00:51:27--> 00:51:36

the mismatch that happened after marriage, because they united on basis other than what

00:51:37--> 00:51:40

other than that, and a lot of divorces are happening because of this is

00:51:42--> 00:52:00

the sister one with the hijab and the hospice you know, you have to come remember you are I am working in the for this big, sharp corporate company. And I want you to show your things so I can get that business so I can get that contract, contract at that law.

00:52:03--> 00:52:52

firm, we say to the brothers who found themselves committed more to the religion. Give your spouse time. Give her an hour. Give him down. Take your time. Help them to find the way like you find the way but at the end of the day, the way of separation is the way to go. Because too much fitna she's not helping you regarding your deen is not helping you regarding your deen divorce is the solution but we must be patient in taking the hands of the spouse to find the way number five and we got our shear we got a speed up so we finished on time inshallah. Yeah, we have something in our religion called fit.

00:52:54--> 00:53:00

A lot of the family problems happen when we get mad we get upset.

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Listen, in our religion, the Prophet sallallahu wasallam taught us how to handle anger.

00:53:08--> 00:53:19

They call it in America that you have to especially when you go after your wife, you have to go and get anger management, something like that. anger management classes. If the court tells you in Islam we have anger management.

00:53:23--> 00:53:39

When when the husband educates the wife and the wife is it is the husband they get mad they get upset. This is when all the problems occur. divorce me. I don't want to live with you anymore. You will divorce and then by all the sudden minutes, man I divorced my wife.

00:53:41--> 00:53:42

What happened?

00:53:44--> 00:53:49

follow the law. When you get angry, don't speak.

00:53:51--> 00:54:05

The only thing you're allowed to say is do we lay him in a shaitan. of Rajiv period. I'm telling you, if you speak when you're upset if you speak when you're angry, you're going to say something that you wish you have not said it.

00:54:07--> 00:54:10

And like they say a word that comes out cannot be what

00:54:12--> 00:54:14

it came out of your mouth plus

00:54:16--> 00:54:23

bardini Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he described the real strength laser shadaloo Sutra.

00:54:24--> 00:54:50

He said, The culture we live now and the West the movies and all that stuff. they they they, they always present to you. The person who's strong is when he gets mad. He uses this, this and just this and he's murdered. And he jumps up and down and that's the cool guy. In Islam. The strong person is the person who controls his anger. That's the real strong person.

00:54:51--> 00:54:57

Not the one who mumble mumbles and speaks and curses and

00:54:58--> 00:54:59

laser shadows.

00:55:00--> 00:55:46

Pura Vida Kenosha de namelijk nafsa who en de la Bob, this is the real strong person, the one who controls himself on his family. We say to the sisters, we say to the brothers, guard your tongues, say I will lie even a shaytan Raji, change your positions. If you're standing up sitting, sit down because Allah basically told us that shaitan takes over shaitan is in your body, change your position. If you're sitting down stand up if you're standing upside down and so forth. So this way you create comfort discomfort for the Shahzad never say the word divorce when you're angry. Never sister request divorce when you're angry. Never sister leave the house the house when you're angry

00:55:46--> 00:56:12

and upset, never sister call the cops on your husband when you're angry and upset. We mentioned this yesterday. Big Nose but again the cups issue if there is no in danger, you're on a concrete danger. That's another issue that he's gonna kill you is going to harm you. And there is no one to help you. And the only result is this. That is permissible. But don't do it just out of vengeance and, and so forth.

00:56:14--> 00:56:31

Number six, yeah, if nobody's allowed to sell them, when he described those who believe Mohammed or Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam? When larina ashida or alko fairy? Or Hannah avena?

00:56:33--> 00:56:40

As the Latin Mini is carefully you are you're winging it your wife.

00:56:42--> 00:56:48

The problem with us is we the ego you know it's called the ego is called ego supply level enough soon.

00:56:49--> 00:56:50

Take so

00:56:52--> 00:57:17

that your wife, lower your wing to her bodhinyana look for an excuse for her when she does something wrong. Look for an excuse. Look for an excuse, find the reason why she did this. But don't just jump on her right away and just try accusing and forgive to the left. What more will Oh, yeah, and if you cannot forgive your wife, who you can forgive

00:57:18--> 00:57:43

me Salalah soccer that wanna Zelda, Allah who then we have who in Illa is he actually took an oath on this, there are a lot of similar him three things I'm willing to take an oath on. One of them actually, if you forgive Allah, who will elevate you, Allah who will give you more honor and dignity in the eyes of the person whom you forgive, try this bodhinyana

00:57:44--> 00:57:48

a big problem that we find in our Muslim homes that will keep

00:57:50--> 00:57:51

your room

00:57:52--> 00:58:14

and out of arrogance. And Bri you want to admit your mistakes. You don't want to say I'm wrong, you see, no, I'm right. The whole relationship is going down that you're going to be separated, your children are going to be without a father. And because of your arrogance, because of your pride, and all it takes, I'm sorry, I made a mistake. I shouldn't have said this.

00:58:15--> 00:58:19

I should remember the woman yesterday who took the hand of harassment.

00:58:20--> 00:58:59

By Allah, I will not go to bed tonight until we make up that kind of thing. We need this in our homes, we need to let go, let go. Don't just hang when problems and just dwell on them. And another issue that another problem that we need to when you end up with a problem at home, don't allow the duration of time to be prolonged between you making up and the problem what happens is we fight together and you go apart she goes apart. Now she found out what is he going to do? And then you can actually comes and work on you to blood What can I do today? What can I do?

00:59:01--> 00:59:27

Do not allow time to ride away within an hour or two. You know, let's talk about this. Can we talk about this? Sit with you What can we talk about it? Can we discuss it like old people? Like I mean old in the sense of adults? What use wisdom use wisdom because the more again, the more you allow this to carry on the more problems that you have colloquially Adam hapa, Ohio hopper in October and yeah.

00:59:28--> 00:59:30

And this goes to the husbands.

00:59:31--> 00:59:40

You need to be aware of the condition of your wife certain conditions when the woman is hit by a calamity normally she loses control.

00:59:41--> 00:59:50

Rasul Allah Allah when he passed by the woman sitting on the grave crying, a tequila fear Allah will go away she said this to the prophet SAW Selim, you don't know what I'm going through.

00:59:51--> 00:59:59

So when when your wife is going through the sun, but something wrong happened to her, she may end up seeing something that you do not like then you

01:00:00--> 01:00:03

Know that this is the reason why she said also,

01:00:04--> 01:00:11

Allah subhanaw taala when he spoke about cycle period, menses, why as a Luna kanila

01:00:13--> 01:00:14

as

01:00:15--> 01:00:51

the woman is harmed by this, expect her during her period, to say something that you're not going to lie because she's away from Allah subhanaw taala because she doesn't pray, she doesn't fast add to this, she is bothered by this blood coming out. So during the period of that is why what is the wisdom that you you cannot divorce your wife when when cheese and Herman says this is the wisdom what you can because most robots are going to have problems, but because she's away from Allah and after Sato Rocklin de la casa de because they do not pray these are not fast. This causes their Eman to go

01:00:52--> 01:01:18

down and whenever a man is down shaitan you're more exposed. You're fragile. You know what, your Eman is up. You have that protection between you and shaitan. When your Eman is down shape and military shape and whispers more to you so you end up in trouble you end up getting the person in trouble so you as a husband must lose wisdom during the train during that time. Don't treat her like you treat her during the course of the relationship you understand.

01:01:20--> 01:01:28

Number eight quickly inshallah we're getting there five more. Learn Adam alojado beliefs.

01:01:29--> 01:01:31

Don't get angry for yourself.

01:01:34--> 01:01:36

Allah Rasool Allah, Allah, Allah

01:01:37--> 01:01:39

and I shall do Lavanya

01:01:40--> 01:01:53

they had issues. They I'm telling you the house of the Prophet they always had issues. Say now what was the date of the law on it enter the house and he found them talking with one another.

01:01:57--> 01:02:01

Combine a nanny, the hacker, the judge between us

01:02:02--> 01:02:18

and look at the process. Would you like me to speak first or would you like to speak first is asking his wife, Marsha trovato when there is a problem and now we arrived to speak allow her to express herself herself. You know a lot of the wives as soon as they express their problems they speak about it it's

01:02:19--> 01:02:27

all what they want. And he will law here it was sometimes sisters called shave I need some counseling all what I do is just sit out that

01:02:29--> 01:02:56

allows me I feel good shape Masha Allah subhanho wa Taala that I didn't do anything. You just she needs what she needs someone to hear her to listen to because they like to speak about the problems and when you do not give her the ear. It's over. Oh, so Sallam said to her Would you like to speak or would you like to speak first? Listen what she said that Kela meant you speak first while I

01:02:58--> 01:03:05

shuffle it and don't say anything but the truth generally she's upset she's and you have a solemn

01:03:06--> 01:03:14

he did not take it personal he did not take it actually said Nava went after her and protected her from satana workers

01:03:16--> 01:03:20

and and so we say they are working when you came to judge Harmon Hola, Hebrew. Take a

01:03:21--> 01:03:25

look at this. Now when she said has spoken on Sophia.

01:03:26--> 01:04:07

Why look about Sophia in the haircut advocated that the Prophet tolerate this. When she back bit Sophia. When she spoke about Sophia. Did he tolerate this? Did he let this go? Nah, nah polti Caliban now Museo de la dama mahavihara. Yeah, sometimes you get angry for yourself and sometimes you get angry for who? For Allah because one of the boundaries of Allah has been what transgressed always in your husband wife relationship and your relationship with your spouse. Make sure that you get upset you get angry when the rights the boundaries of Allah are violated but you MC Allah you walk over me

01:04:09--> 01:04:11

me Hoskinson.

01:04:12--> 01:04:15

humiliate yourself for Allah for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala.

01:04:17--> 01:04:23

Number nine. Yeah, always remember the consequences of divorce.

01:04:24--> 01:04:31

Like marriage boot families together, Bond's people together, divorce break that relationship.

01:04:34--> 01:04:39

The inlaws imagine two blocks, her family and your family are united divorce.

01:04:42--> 01:04:44

Especially if there are children.

01:04:45--> 01:04:54

Yeah, when you have children, divorce must be the only absolute only result.

01:04:55--> 01:05:00

There is no other solution when you have children because

01:05:00--> 01:05:04

The children are the people who pay the price when there is a divorce,

01:05:05--> 01:05:09

you go and get married, you find another woman and she finds another husband, and the children suffer.

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Remember this, that is why don't even entertain the thought of divorce. Number 10. Remember Jen a, for life, a lot of the problems that we have in our homes and our families, that the husband is married to his wife for 1015 years. And because he's not getting all the things that he wished to get her, he wishes to have Jani and because he goes outside, and he sees all these women walking around, and he, man, I'm going to spend my life with the rest of my life with this woman. And he starts thinking you have to think about gender she

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think about gender one dies a gender, do you

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think about gentlemen, think about paradise, you all lose when you feel like you're missing something in that relationship, whether it is intimacy, whether it is how beautiful she is whether think about paradise, think about that, she's going to be your wife, engine.

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Number 11. And the point before last, Listen, do not and I stress this, do not allow other people to deal with your family problems. Don't

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the moment that you take your family problems out,

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you are done.

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Because not everyone is going to offer a sincere help.

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Not necessarily because they are ill intended, just lack wisdom, they just want to act like they are wise and so and they lack the wisdom for it till you make sure that you keep your problems at home, don't speak about it, the Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that or that whoever takes out the secrets of that of the spouse is that his term

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lasts and does not least

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sometimes, you need a figure

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to resolve your problems.

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Sometimes, you know a lot of cases your problems with your wife, you cannot solve them. You

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must agree to a certain person.

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Listen, when we had that and when we have contracts when you have these contracts, don't they have a resolution in case of something happened where to go to to solve the problem. In businesses don't we have these contracts, even an employment contract they tell you a case in case if there is a problem between you and in a situation we're gonna go to that place to solve our problems, the same exact thing with your husband and wives. In case if you cannot deal with the problem, if you cannot handle the problem, if it is too much, you need other people's heal, then you appoint a certain individual then you appoint a certain person and make sure that this person is wise old has the knowledge of

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the Quran and Sunnah and he has no interest in your in your marriage. Sometimes some people go and sit on the resolving marriage because he would like to get her divorce so he can marry the wife is

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that make sure that this person is what is free from these bad intentions.

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One last words. And with this we have completed and concluded the series sometimes there is no other solution but divorce.

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You tried your best to solve the problem and

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and you did everything by the book.

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Why did Allah prescribe divorce?

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is in divorce is divorce Haram.

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It is disliked in some cases, but it's not Haram. It has a lot of damages like we explained throughout the series. But sometimes it is the solution for the problem with IATA for raw you vanilla who couldn't miss it, but here is the issue. The problem with the husbands the problem with the wives that when they go about divorce, they break everything.

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Life I shared this with you before

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in my town.

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This man I you know I know that his daughter got divorced.

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And he said I'm going to hedge I want to go with hedge and you know who I'm gonna go in with so and so.

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So and so used to be his son in law, the one who divorced his wife

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You want to go with the one was so and so the one who divorce your wife

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The one who divorce your daughter? Yeah Allah this person must did it in a nice kind way.

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You can go ahead and divorce but you don't have to break. Oh, yeah Have you have you had some moments of good moments with this woman Don't try to break everything. Don't try to turn the whole thing into into enemies.

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Do it in a noble way

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do it in a in a good way that you do not turn the whole family into any means you do not turn this woman right now you took her to the court. You I'm gonna get you into the court. I'm gonna take away all the stuff that I given to you. I'm gonna take away the children from let sit with her. Sit with her like a wise person. Is that what you want? You want divorce? There is no other way. How can we do it without the least damages. And this is something that we hold bollock. We have something in our Sharia called How to divorce your wife in a way that you minimize the damages. With this hamdulillah we have concluded the series we say Alhamdulillah Allah The banality that a masala had,

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what does that mean? Well Fela Subhana Allah Hamada Hamlet, Chateau La La Land istockphoto to win a hamdulillah