How To Save Your Marriage
Channel: The Deen Show
File Size: 28.77MB
Bismillah Alhamdulillah Salaam Alaikum. Peace be with you. I'm your host, you're watching The Daily Show. Today we're going to be talking about family business, family business, family is the crust of society. If we have broken homes, we're gonna have broken society. So here at the deen show, we care about the society, we care about ourselves, we care about you. And we want the families to stay together. So it starts with yourself. And then you go ahead and get that beautiful spouse, and you fall in love. And you want to stay in love. And you want to raise the children in a beautiful functional family. So they can grow up to be the best Muslims that they can be contributing to
society in a positive way, not a destructive way. So how do we keep families from breaking and losing the most precious business of all family business? We're going to have to do some family planning, and we got to know our rights and roles and responsibilities. So we're going to be back in a minute with Mr. Mustafa Zaid, to talk more about this topic here on the deen show. We'll be right back. This is the theme
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I'm in the studio with Mr. Mustafa Zayed who is the author of the lies about Muhammad. You have your own personal section at the deen show calm so people can go back they like this show. They can go back to the deen show.com to see some of the other shows that we've done with you, inshallah, God willing. You have been an Imam, spiritual leader. Yes. For how long? About eight years now? Eight years? Now tell us have you had a lot of experience with people coming to husbands wives complaining? The wife complaining about the husband husband complaining about the wives saying, you know, look, my marriage, my life is in shambles. How do we save this, I got kids, I got family, I
don't want it to be torn apart. Have you had a lot of these issues come on all the time, not all the time, all the time. And actually the worst part and which I want to alert the viewers to if you ever think that things would escalate to a level that you would need any man to interfere, do that early on. One of the biggest mistakes that people do is that they come to us. And we can make a difference. We can explain to people, things about how to went about your marriage lives, more importantly, your rights and obligations as a husband as a wife, but they come to us after everything is said and done and there's too much damage. So there's an advice that one I put at the
outset, please go to your Imam, your religious leader early on, when the problem is, you know, easy to solve. And do not be embarrassed to bring it to the public because he's not going to publicize it. But he can get in and interfere in your favor and the favor of your marriage and your children much sooner than much better than he can think Creator of the heavens and earth. The one god the same God of Jesus, Moses, Abraham. And the last the fundamental problem hung peace be upon him Allah in Aramaic, Jesus said, Aloha. So we're talking about the creator of the sun and the moon, the creator of this whole universe and everything in it. He's the most merciful, so he sent the
blueprint. But now, don't things get a little bit off track. Things get in shambles when we go away from the blueprint. Is that where you see most of the problems coming and stemming from? Absolutely. And I think one major problem in Islamic upbringing and Islamic education. God with God blessing we have a lot of Islamic schools is that we do not have a special section for Islamic education, Islamic upbringing to show the boy how to be a good husband. What does it take to be a good husband? What are the references? What's the right thing to do and the wrong thing to do the same thing for girls? What is the good wife? How good can you be what can you tolerate? What can you tolerate
what's good and what's bad. It's very critical because it's about forming, as you said, the crust of our society. And if boys and girls do not know how, and they're going to just go by trial and error, then it's a 5050 chance for that marriage to happen. And that's what happens sometimes, unfortunately. Now you don't do that. If you are put in charge of a multi billion dollar
company. You don't just test and trial. You do your research.
Sir, don't you you really look into how we can make this right because you don't want to lose your investment. You don't want to lose your money. But isn't family more important than any kind of business, they do job training, job orientation, they make sure that you qualified, you have the proper education before you even start at the bottom of the letter. Man, that's a very good example and marriage should be dealt with the same way. It's, it's about the future of the children. It's about the future of the human being. It's about comfort, that the most beautiful one of the most beautiful verses about marriage in the universe, not even on the higher end. Woman at and Holla
Holla human and physical matter as well as in the school, LA, Wa La Vina kumada tamarama and some of the miracles of Allah subhanaw taala. And the blessing of Allah subhanaw taala is that he created from you, spouses that you would use a spiritual home, Lita, Escuela de schooner, a second is calmness and peace and your home. spiritual home for you is where you go and feel yourself you feel protected, you feel safe, you recharge your batteries, and so on and so forth. That's the spouse, that's the husband or wife in Islam, and that's the wife or husband in Islam. So that is very important. That is the quality of life, good marriages, the good quality of life and good children
good upbringing and someone that you can trust, and someone that he can relate to. And someone who can understand you. That feeling of not having that person or having a problem at that area is devastating to the quality of life in anyone in any religion, in any time of history. We know that in Islam, which simply means to acquire peace by submitting your will to the one God. Now, Islam, there's no dating. There's no test drive, no boyfriends and girlfriends. Yes, you have to come together in marriage, correct? Yes. So now in the marriage, the business of family. You know, this is the introduction that we gave that men and women come together and there, it's a mercy from the
Creator. But we have roles and responsibility. So let's talk a little bit about the man's role, and the woman's role. Because when we get these roles mixed up, I think one of the problems also stepped from here, when a woman starts to act like a man, the man starts out a woman, everything's all messed up, we're not playing our roles. And this can be linked back also to business. You got the CEO, you got the manager, so things function smoothly, Allah wants it to function smoothly, he's given us roles. What are these rules? He said, a very important couple of words in the beginning, and it's very important. I was interviewed by bridges TV one time back in New Jersey. And the man
asked me a question, doesn't it make sense to you that people should be dating first, before they get into marriage, because if things are not getting along, together with you know, between them, and the chemistry is not there, then you might as well not start the measurement beginning and save yourself, the hassle and divorce and all that? And my answer to him, and this is why dating is forbidden Islam is not what do you think is good or not? It's after you get married? What do you adhere to? What are you referencing right and wrong, no matter whom you like? And what do you think? And that's what makes a marriage successful. It's what guidelines you abide by, if the wife abide by
the guidelines of Islam. And the husband abides by the guidelines of Islam, that successful marriage, no matter which backgrounds they have, and that's the most important thing, guidelines, guidelines, foul lines, perimeters that we don't go out. Absolutely. The number one rule in Islam that a man complements a woman and a woman complements a man. In Western societies, the men may theology is that they're in competition with each other, as if they're roommates or partners in a business. And it's my sheer goodness to share or what are you doing? First of all, I'm doing totally the opposite in Islam, and men compliments the woman you need the two elements of life, the
strength, the perseverance, to go out there, make a living, protect and provide for the family. And at the same time, you need the blessing from Allah subhanaw taala upon us that is called a mother, the kindness, the love, the compassion, the teaching, the education, the care that is needed for us, men and women, to be brought up in a nice, good environment, healthy environment, you cannot have that kindness and mercy and patience, in the same body of strength and perseverance and fighting, you need two elements. And if I made it that way, so we complement each other. So we need each other, the more female a woman is, is the more she would enjoy her being the more manly a man would
be is the more that he's going to enjoy his being and they complement each other. In that unit, like any unit, and you brought in a beautifully the business example. There's no business that is successful that has three CEOs or two CEOs, and by three CEOs, sometimes it's the wife want to be the boss and the husband want to be the boss, and they bring even outside influence from outside family members that actually dictate and mandate and influence their life, that business is doomed regardless what resources, the quality of the people involved, that business is going down. Marriage is not going to happen. There has to be a boss Allah subhanaw taala gave that leadership to the man
with the responsibilities will provide it
at a gentle
A woman and a man for whom men attend. And this is one of the worst mistranslated words in the Quran qalamoun does not mean better, it means attend to the building attended is the one who serves over tenants, not the boss of all the tenants. So men attend to the needs of the family and the women with what Allah subhanaw taala had given and what their ability to spend and provide. So it's even that attendant, you know, ability is conditioned upon your ability as a man to provide. But with that responsibility, the woman also has responsibility and being the boss of the business unit does not mean like some Muslim brother would do my word is my word. It is what it is. And I'm the boss
and no, you consult you bring the consensus, you want to treat him good profit from Hamas, I seldom give you advice that theory come here, England, he sent him your best or your best to the woman, the mother, the daughter of the sister, most importantly, the wife. In his last speech mamasezz alimony was carried to the podium to give his last speech to get three pieces of advice. Do not let the world tempt you and waste you like a wizard, the people before you do not lose your prayers, and of all Islamic law and all the advice that he gave us over 23 years. The third one was I gave you a trust, that is the women you took him by the trust of Allah Subhana Allah, you know, keep that
trust, treat him well.
And promise excellent matters for with men and so on. And he's the prophet of God was the most consulting of his companions. Imagine that your husband and a wife, choose your life partner, and you want to issue a decision without at least consultant here you have the ultimate decision. But it has to represent the best and you have to care and be nice and lenient. As we said before, about promises and a little his wife, let's take a break. We'll be right back with more here on the danger.
There always be someone that will be there to say something negative, but at the same time there'll be someone there to say something positive. Just hold on to the rope of Allah, everything in this universe rely and read. The answers don't kill women don't kill children. Don't kill the old people don't attack the civilians. This is what the prophet Mohammed
Allah said that the prophets are solid never ever start a war against anybody.
Back here on the deen show, we talking about keeping the families together and we need to know our roles, the man and before we left off, to be kind to the woman to be understanding to consult with her not to be a dictator in a house, right? Yes. And this is his role to maintain the woman she can sit back and take care of the institution of the home. I'll bring the children Is this right? And the man is the one who is what some would look for a sugar daddy, he takes care of everything. The phone bill, the electric bill, she don't have to pay for anything Is this right? Absolutely. And and one other misconception that I think was the detriment for many marriages, is that people belittle
the best and most noble job in the history of mankind. That is the job of a mother. Brother mama says lm in the middle of seventh century mandated that even women captives of enemy combatants would be educated, that women in general aren't even Muslim would be educated. Why? Because you have the most noble job of raising and educating the entire society, men and women, it's our mothers who taught us how to pray, what's right, what's wrong, give us our manners, and stayed with us and help us with our homework, and so on and so forth. That is the greatest job ever. And a lot of people think that, you know, because the wife was an engineer or a doctor, how could she be a housewife as
a housewife is something bad, actually, a good housewife is what makes a great society with nation and bring out the best in men and women. So people need to actually understand men and women the importance of what is called a mother, my mother, God bless her soul was very highly educated woman. And if anyone shaped my character, you know, with the blessing of Allah subhanaw taala. It was my mother. She was with me, she taught me how to read write, what are the meaning of good words, when I read books that are way older than money, my my level, it was my mother who taught me everything. Yes, she could have done a better job and actually worked outside and we're gonna have a lot more
income, but the impact she had upon my life and the life of my brother was billions of dollars worth whatever money that you brought extra. So the value of the ethics and the quality of people that you bring about being a good qualified Muslim mother is much more better than any materialistic value or extended vacation or a bigger plasma TV. So that is that is something that I think a lot of people need to grasp as far as Islamic values when it comes to marriage. Now, the influence of outside television media would belittle sometimes this position, but this is very, very different.
Instrumental like you said to the upbringing of the future leaders of the world, yes, having an educated woman that is really protecting that child nurturing that child's rather than Sally or Betsy, or whoever else, raising that child, and or the TV all day, put the put the mother who's got the formula of mercy, patience, to really make sure that this child grows up to be someone, or woman or man is going to be a asset, a benefit for society. And just a short indication of how rewarded that the greatness of a good mother, a good Muslim mother, the man that came to power mama said I wanted to do jihad, which is being drafted to the army of the Muslims. You wanted to get that reward
from Allah subhanaw taala from Muslim SMD Your mother is alive? He said yes. He said, is the hub for intelligent metadata Kodama go serve her because paradise that you seek and by making Jihad for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala is underneath the feet of your mother serving his mother supersedes that reward of being, you know, a soldier and the Muslim army. And that honor, you know, when you say a human being the paradise or Jenna under either feet, that is honoring the job and the noble status of a mother that a lot of people be little. So we know that the woman in Islam has been uplifted, God Almighty has given her rights and we will inshallah do a show about the woman's rights
and roles in Islam, which far proceed any rights that many of the women today today, you maybe you can elaborate on this. But now she's also got responsibility. So we talked about the man now the man is the one who provides who takes care who he's the one who goes out in the cold and pump the gas and, you know, hustle and bustle and, you know, take care of, you know, the responsibilities is this correct? Now she's, and he has to be kind and merciful. Consult with his wives, his wife, and at the end of the day, he does all this, what is the also the role of the man in the house, as far as should the woman once consulted, because you also have some nightmare stories where the woman now
you know, because we live in the Jerry Springer society, nobody can tell me what to do. So should the attitude of the wife be when the husband tells her? You know, look, a law tells us this, the messenger tells us we should do it this way. And now she wants to do it her way and nobody can tell me what to do. Is this the right attitude, that is the wrong attitude. And people need to understand that you know, Muslim men, a Muslim woman that obeying the husband, as far as the wife is obeying Allah subhanaw taala, the general cardinal rule in Islam, law tollemache, look, female settler, there's no obedience to Allah created in this obeying the Creator. So if he tells you things that is
islamically correct, then he is to be obeyed, because in obeying Him, you're obeying Allah subhanaw taala. And he also when he gives that it's not an order. She's not employed by you. She's not a servant. She is your partner and life. And when you say things, then that when the boss gives an order in a business to the vice president or the division director, this needs to be done. It needs to be done. If there's an issue to be brought, discuss it nicely and politely with the understanding that the ultimate decision and ended the ultimate responsibility before Allah subhanaw taala lies with whoever is entrusted to run the business problem. Ahmed Hassan described an obedient, righteous
woman as a treasure of this world treasure. And actually in another hand is the treasure. You want to know what the treasure of dunya of this world, it's a good wife, if you look at her, she would please you. If you leave her her money, you would trust her with your with your money. If you leave your children with her, you would trust her with you with your children. When you are away, she would keep her chastity. It's a form of a source of pleasure of calmness, trust and confidence. And that's a beautiful thing. And look at the reward for that. And a lot of women do not know where the reward is. From mama system said if the woman did four things, if she prayed her five prayers, if
she fasted her 30 days, if she kept her chastity, if she obeyed her husband and as we said, obeying Allah subhanaw taala in the husband, then on Judgement Day, it will be told to her enter Jannah from whichever door you want. It's put right up there. With the prayer and fasting. This is a major thing as the CEO, the President, the person that Allah put in charge because a lot the creator knows best in his wisdom. He's made it like this. Absolutely. And you know this there's a role for the wife in Islam that a lot of even Muslim wives are not aware of but by experience, they practice it. You become the mother of the husband. At the factory one, whether directly or indirectly, you're the
mother who takes care of him like his mother to careful. And the mother. When the baby's crying. She does not cry back at him. She understand his pain. She tolerate his pain and deals with it. And a lot of successful marriages come from
The level of tolerance and patience that the husband and the wife apply. And in that comes the general cardinal rule in Islam from Hamza Santos. And this is how we treat people as a major part of the manners of Islam. Islam digitally, Africa, Oberon, Felton Islam, although if you did not find an excuse for you probably did something wrong, then seek an excuse for him. If you're not finding excuse, make one up for him. And that if needed to be applicable in one's life as a Muslim, it is in his marriage life. My wife did something wrong. Yes, you would get angry, get mad, but try to find an excuse. She's busy with the kids. And the husband would yell and they say something rude or does
something, then the wife will say them. So that's my life partner. That's the one that I love. That's my partner for years. It's not because of this thing. All of a sudden, he's a monster. She's a demon. You know, may Allah subhanaw taala? Will maybe it wouldn't he will come down and then and that is how marriages work. Not being confrontational. When the wife is mad or doing something wrong, don't make the confrontational. Now, come down to and then nicely and politely say, Why do you do this? Didn't you know that hurt me? I thought you did this and that you can defuse a ton of divorces and problems by that leniency and that you know what, let's wait till things calm down and
do what Leon Amazing, amazing. And we'll be back with more here on the deen show. Don't go nowhere. I just want to say very simple, massive is
one of the beautiful things about a religion of Islam is the emphasis on direct ritual and prayer to God directly. There is no intermediary, the lights will go on after the party and the party will end. It's very simple and very clear. There are no superstitious rituals, no strange incantations his Time's running out. We might not make it till tomorrow. And this is something that we need to think about.
Back here on the deen show with Mr. Mr. Fuzzy, do you have a lot of experience? You are a religious leader, a spiritual leader in New Jersey? Yes. So you have a lot of these cases coming up. We want to save the families. We know that divorce is something that you know what? It's there as a last resort, is it but we don't want people to have broken home because when we have broken societies, is that correct? Yes. And it's Hillel also has allowed it. But in the light of the most hated Hillel are allowed thing. But a lot of that allowed is the worse. Because the worse and a lot of people don't realize that it has so many dimensions of damage. The most apparent one are the children, no
matter what happens, or what people claim that you know what when the couple of divorce, you know, the mother is going to provide or the father is going to do this, this and that. There's nothing like to loving father and mother together taking care of the children children would have a devastating lasting effect upon them. And that is haram. That's a part of the responsibility of marriage, that when I say you know what i want to divorce, or I want to stand up to my hospital, my wife and I'm not going to do this and you know, being stubborn and shaitan gets in between no keep an eye on the real damage of the lives that Allah subhanaw taala trusted you both with. Another
factor also when it comes to divorce is that
some Muslim men use divorce as something to bargain with, or a pressure you know what, I'll divorce you just to show an impact that you know your divorce that the just to scare her or to get the wife to behave better. That is a very wrong technique. The word divorce is a very heavy word, you say it, meaning it and apply divorce two times the third time she's not your wife anymore, unless she really married somebody else and actually get divorce from that real marriage. And then you can marriage is not a joke. It's not a joke period. And when there's a divorce issue, do not let anyone influence what's going on and get involved only righteous people that care for the best interest of the Cabal
can get involved. Do not get me a mother and lower father alone either side, that actually was a part of the problem by interfering in the marriage and undermining the position of the husband let's say or the right of the wife upon the husband from let's say somebody of his family and bring these people to mediate and trying to mend the relationship. Allah subhanaw taala says that if you have the good intention, then that marriage inshallah would be kept. So bring all the righteous people who are wise the common and interfere to bring the marriage together and limit outside influence. My mother is sacred to me, but my mother is not my wife, my wife has rights upon me as well. And these
rights should not affect each other or take from you know, other persons right. My father is sacred to me, but he does not run my household the same way his father in law did not run his own household, and so on and so forth. So respect family relationships, but respect your wife more than you respect the rest of the family when it comes to own household and vice versa for the wife that is also a major factor.
And what happens? Now? You mentioned outside enough interference. Yes. Now, from what you're saying this can have a devastating negative effect. Yes. I mean, it's just one of the the rights of the husband and wife that now that she doesn't go out, and she's communicating with other sisters, or the husbands are the brothers. Now they're getting influenced now from physicians, like what we call the scholars, physicians, people who can really advise you to good according to the Quranic verbatim Word of God and the son of last semester, but to their own opinions, they're this way of thinking what they think is right, and he shouldn't be doing that to you. You could replace her with
something better. And then they pump up the husband or the wife in a negative way, and they cause more problems. Can you elaborate on this problem mama system said that if I'm talking to you, and you told me something, and you just turn around, automatically have given me an Amana as if you have trusted me with money that I keep for you repeat that, again, if you turn around, and I told you something, and I turned around, automatically, the moment I turn around as if I gave you money, and I trusted you with an Amana that you need to keep for me, meaning that for other people, even strangers, you should not tell other people confidential information to other people. The most
confidential of all information is information of your own life, your household, so otherwise, do not have a best friend and tell her the secrets of your household secrets of intimacy that is totally forbidden by laws of Alibaba problema masala mana las panatela. And the same thing with the husband, yes, their families, but there's limits to knowledge about the day to day life, the more you involve these people, the more they're going to get involved in your life negatively or positively according to their own liking. And support Allah in the end, call all the robinus melakukan slns min shureido swsc ohaneze, one of the first effects that Allah subhanaw taala asked
us to resort to him from the shaitan is the whispering of the shaitan. That was praying, sometimes it's done by your best friend and your family, even your parents on time. When you listen, when you open the radio channel to receive that negative influence, you just opening, you know, a door to just destroy your entire marriage. And when the marriage is destroyed, who is going to suffer you
more than anyone else, and your children and your husband, and so many broken, you know, houses and marriages, up to three years, they wish that they were lenient and tolerant. And they didn't say what they had to say, and would not listen to the people that they listen to. But sometimes it's too late. Sometimes it's too late. We don't want it to be too late as we were discussing this. So we can save the home, not break the home. And we're going to have to continue to do a part two to this because this is such a very important topic. We're going to give some some live examples in the next show. Would you agree to come back? And do God willing? Just before we close, just some closing
comments and suggestions for the people who are suffering now? What before we go to the next program and do this for the following week? What advice do you have? I think one of the most practical pieces of advice is that you bring a piece of paper and write down the good things about your spouse, just the good things.
And when you write them down, you would realize that yes, your spouse is not perfect. Let me break some news to you. But so is everyone. So are you. So when you look at these good things about your spouse, it will remind you that there are qualities there that thinks to bargain there. And so Panama, the same people who are so happy about the marriage, that's why they accepted their spouse in the beginning and got married, all of a sudden they would complain that he turned to be the devil or tend to be this and that and so on and so forth. But actually sometimes people would admit, hopefully, after when it's not too late, that their tolerance level, their ability to accept the
pitfalls of their spouse actually weighed down through time with the pressures of life and responsibilities. And sometimes all it takes is just to be apart for three four days in a vacation or staying away with your family the things come down and then you would year and again to the same spouse that he loved in the beginning. So inshallah write down the quality of people find excuse for your spouse. You know, sometimes it just as we said just take a break for two three days away from everything and the pressure of the daily life of marriage and things magically change inshallah to the best. Thank you very much does that a lot. I look forward to doing more with you. We are
thinking we are and that was a man, Mr. Fuzzy, the author of the lies about Muhammad. You can go to his website to purchase the book and to learn more about him and we look forward to having you back again. Make dua to Allah stick to the gameplan the Quranic verbatim Word of God in the Sunnah. Know your roles, know your rights and live by
the way they'll bring you peace and happiness Islam we'll see you next time here in a de show peace beyond to you. You have to pray as if everything depends on
You must work
everything depends on you.
That's my point. You see I'm saying and I don't like that. I don't like us sitting here. What are you waiting for? What are we waiting for right now? What are you waiting for all these people to come to this? What are you waiting for? What are we waiting for right now when they're gonna come they're gonna come along and bring these people loss upon
the ability to to do your job.
I am not afraid.
I am not afraid.
I'm not afraid.
I'm not afraid.
I am not afraid.