Refining the Self – 14

Bismillah R Rahman Rahim hamdulillah salatu salam ala rasulillah

salam aleikum, wa barakato. Welcome to our class of o'clock. Today inshallah we'll discuss the lack of the Muslim with his wife and the lack of the Muslim with her husband. After we spoke about the lack of the Muslim with Allah Subhana, wa Taala and the lack of the Muslim with himself,

the lack of the Muslim with his parents and with his children. Now we're moving to another important

relation with which is the marriage between the husband and the wife.

Today, inshallah, we'll start with the Islamic ruling on marriage, and then the,

the nature of marriage

and then we'll speak about the husband

and then we'll speak about the wife

and we will conclude inshallah, after that.

Now, if you notice, when we discuss marriage

and the rolling of marriage, we say that it is a contract, marriage is a contract.

And Allah subhanaw taala mentioned that in the Quran wasn't I mean Kumi saffron Oliver, it's not only contract, it's a covenant. And it's not any regular covenant, it's solemn covenant. That's what Allah subhanaw taala has mentioned in the Quran. So it is a contract.

Plus, in addition to the contract, it is also I bad, it is a type of worship. And that's why some scholars put the chapter of Mecca of marriage after the ibid that after Hajj and then after the marriage dimension, the rest of the transaction, the financial transactions, why, because it is a transaction, this is

a contract between the husband and the wife, even nowadays, it is still say marriage contract, how could zoa so it is a contract.

Other scholars, they said it is after the chapter of financial transactions, because financial transactions between people, and then this transaction, it is with another party, but also it is with Allah subhanaw taala. Now this is very important, because you need to remember this when you're dealing with your wife, or when the wife is dealing with her husband, that you're not only dealing with that person, you're dealing with Allah subhanaw taala. This is very important. Now unfortunately, many people, they don't realize that it is a contract. Contract means there are terms and there are rulings that you have to adhere to. And for the other students on the weekend, I asked

them to mention or to list the most important things. Imagine you are told to write a contract marriage contract?

What would be the exemplary the perfect terms for this contract? What would you like to add for both parties?

Now, all these things are in the religion, but they are not mentioned that does not mean you don't have to adhere to them. Like one thing? Can you humiliate your wife?

Can you humiliate her?

While you're hesitated?

No. Can you do any oppression of any type? No. The same thing for the wife. This is not but it's not written. Yet how many people they do oppression? How many people they do injustice to their wives or wives to their husbands?

So why don't we? Why don't we remember that? When there is an issue between the husband and the wife?

Allah subhanaw taala says, Well, I wanna miss Lola, the Allah enable Morrow.

They have rights, the same as they have obligations. But then Allah subhanaw taala said, well, originally Allah in Nevada, and there is a higher degree for men for men.

So if you are told to write a contract, what would be the best terms to be written? That you want every husband and wife to remember? Yes.

To be to obey Allah and fear him.

That's good. But that's, again, that's general very general statement. We need few things specific. Because every husband and every wife would would say I obey Allah subhanaw taala.

Actually, she may accuse the husband that because of him, she cannot obey Allah subhanaw taala.

Yes,

mutual respect. That's That's good. And that's also important, but how

yes

That's good. Like using good words. Now again, this could be also general but we know is you are, you are full. Is this a good word? Of course not. So we start from saying this using good words, what else? But again, I'm asking for the most important things. Now is this like top your priority?

Yes.

kindness. I have every husband would say I am cam to my wife, but she is the or everyone would say the same thing. But that's good. Like, see if you mentioned these things like kindness, mutual respect, fearing Allah Subhana Allah, if you mentioned them and keep them every time there is something happens. We agreed on this.

That's that's the reality of this. That's how it should work. But unfortunately, once there is a problem, we forget everything.

Allah subhanaw taala reminded us while attend solfege Lavina forget

the the things that you did to each other the favors that you did to each other.

So I asked them, Do you want to do it as a homework? Ask them to mention five things, five important terms.

Like my friend. To him food was very important. So he agreed with his wife from the first day that every day she has to cook a new meal every day, every single day. Yeah, I told him what is that? haram? That's That's too much. He said, No.

It's well known that if I eat the second day food, the same food, second day, it won't be as delicious as the first day. I'm going outside to work. So she's inside. She doesn't work.

I am working for her. So she has to cook if she did not cook every day, she will be sleeping. I thought the Mashallah that's that's good. And she agreed. He said, Yes. I said fine, if you agree.

What do you think? Is that a good term?

For for husbands for husbands? That will be but I told them what if if the food was not enough, they said no, she she cooks exactly

what we eat. I told him what if it was extra?

He said no. We have the lights. It's working. They have been married for like now four years. And

yeah.

So what do you think? Is that a good term?

Yes.

Yeah, again, what was the point of stipulating this? What was the point?

It's important to him. You know, that's why I really like what should I, Allah said the judge.

When he was married, he asked, What do you like? What things do you like? So or actually, his wife told him that, though, he was judged, but his wife was wise woman. So she asked him, What things do you like? So I will do them? And what things you don't like, so I'll avoid them?

If we did not agree from the beginning on things, how do I know that you don't like this? And they do it. But if we did not agree, it may happen. And that's why there are many problems. If we worked a little bit before marriage, everything would be okay.

As long as you please Allah subhanaw taala. And please,

that's good. But it doesn't work this way. Also, why? Because she may, she may please Allah subhanaw taala at the expense of a few times of your, of your, of any of lots of things. Why is this problem because we don't have the correct balance.

For I'll give you an example. Every time you come home, she's reading Quran or she's praying. You want to talk to her? She's reading Quran? Isn't she pleasing? Allah subhanaw taala?

would you would you like that?

See, you cannot you cannot accept this term like as long as you are praising, pleasing Allah subhanaw taala. I'm pleased with you.

Right. That's why it's really imagined, like we want we want to do this project. Really, we want to give like the exemplary marriage contract from our students.

Why not?

Why but that's not the problem, the problem hole, listen to these terms and apply them. Yes. Yes, again, you have to agree. You have to agree if you did not agree, then there is no point of mentioning these terms. However, there are terms that regardless whether you agree or you don't agree they have to be there.

For instance, can the husband force his wife to work?

He cannot.

What if he said in the contract that I want you to work

Every month

this is none.

If she agreed, that's fine. But what if she came later and said I cannot

see that's the problem when you want to enforce things that are not or they are against Islam but as long as you agree on things, which are, in essence allowed, that's fine.