Refining the Self – 13

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Isam Rajab

Channel: Isam Rajab

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snarf Monahan Shangri La humble anime North la sala to escape this game in an anime Vina Mohammed Ronaldo savage nine Santa Monica to LA vaca to welcome to the HELOC class. Today inshallah we will discuss the lack of the Muslim with his parents. We started

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by the Muslim with Allah subhanaw taala with his own self, and now we're moving to the nearest people to him, his parents,

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they are the reason for him to be here in this life. Allah subhanho wa Taala created him, but they are the reason for him to be here. And the Quran reminds us constantly about the rights of our parents,

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as in this ayah in Surah Surah where Allah subhanaw taala says, Well, hold on buka Allah Tabu Illa Yahuwah Beloved, any Santa in my ablon nine Decker Kibera huduma Oklahoma, Fela taco lahoma ofin will attend her Houma La Paloma Colin Karima waffle dama Jenna has Illumina Rama, Rama come out of the Anasazi Syrah Allah subhanho wa Taala.

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In this ayah instruct us to be dutiful to our parents.

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Look what Allah Subhana Allah says

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say not to them award of disrespect

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actually in Arabic and the Arabic text, it is

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how many times

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your father or your mother asked you to do something and you said or just only that Allah subhanaw taala is telling you even this Do not say

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any expression of

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displeasure any expression of

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being on pleased with what they are saying, let alone this obeying them.

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And here Allah subhanaw taala. And this ayah is reminding you

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when they become old when they need you, because usually that's when

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your true personality comes to the surface. That's when your true dutifulness to your parents come before that. They don't really need you. You need them. But now we can judge if you are beautiful to your parents or not. Now this is a great idea.

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In saurashtra, and there are many ayat as well.

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Islam, again,

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plays lots of attention, and gives lots of respect to the parents because they deserve that unlike

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civilization that we're living in.

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It's very sad. When you observe and you see the TV shows, the programs, movies, every single one of them.

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You find that the parents are the troublemakers. The parents are backward. The parents are the ones who don't understand.

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And they make fun of them.

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Every time there are parents, the children say oh no, not yet. I mean, every single show

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Islam does not tell you this.

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Sometimes actually, in TV they show you where

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the children they are celebrating alone this year. They don't have to be with their parents and they are happy. So Pamela, where is Where is the dutifulness? Where is the appreciation? Where's the loyalty to what they did for you?

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Look at the other Ayah which is also a great idea.

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Well sinal in Santa, Diwali they

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for Santa, and the other is holiday Santa.

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And we have enjoined on man to be good to his parents.

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In travel upon travel, did his mother bear him. Now this is a reminder

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that your mother suffered for nine months. Imagine yourself carrying something for nine months.

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carrying something for nine months. She carried you for nine months. And what's amazing in this ayah is the reason of the relation of this is why this ayah was revealed

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sacral the Allah Juan

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when he became a Muslim when he accepted Islam, he loved his mother a lot. And his mother was very sad to see her son accepting Islam. So she promised she vowed that she will never eat or drink until sad. goes back to Cooper. So sad came to her

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And he told her why Allah, if you have 100 souls, and you lose the souls one after the other, I will not leave Islam. That's all what he said. So Allah subhanho wa Taala is reminding the Muslims that even if that's the case, even if they are non Muslims, you have to be dutiful to them.

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Because we always hear this question, oh, my parents are kuffaar do I still have to be dutiful to them? Of course, do they still your parents? If you say yes, that means yes, you have to be dutiful to them.

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And again, there are a lot. Your job is to see these is to read the interpretation. There isn't a revelation why they were revealed.

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And in the son of the messenger science, we have many Hadith about also the rights of the parents upon their children. First of all, they are your paradise or your hellfire.

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How is that? If you obey them, they will facilitate the way to paradise for you. If you disobey them, you are taking an easy way to hellfire.

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And the prophet SAW Selim said a while in Osaka Belgian, the highest gate of Paradise is the gate of the Father.

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One of the doors of Paradise is the Allahu Allah, the father.

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This shows you the significance of being dutiful, to your parents.

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And in one Hadith, the prophet SAW Selim set agenda to them in Omaha, and did another narration on demand came to him.

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The prophet SAW Selim told him his Ambridge laugh in Elgin at a thumb,

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stick to her feet, because Paradise is underneath.

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What does that mean? You go and you look and you will find paradise.

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It's a metaphor of obedience when you obey your mother.

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When you humiliate yourself just to obey her, you humble yourself to obey her, you will get paradise. That's the meaning of the Hadith. Now, again, the same question, even if she's not Muslim, yes.

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The only case where you have the right to disobey them when they asked you to disobey Allah. That's the only case.

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Many times people ask or they asked me to do something, I don't like it. It doesn't matter whether you like it or not. Allah subhanaw taala commanded me to obey them,

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not even to show any expression of being unpleased with what they are saying.

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Or you don't want to do anything, let alone the people

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who say back, reply back to their parents shout at their parents, and even in some incidents,

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they may abuse their parents.

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And in some cases, we have some crimes.

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Where a son, or a daughter killed their father or their mother, what do you expect after all of this? This is horrible. And I'm talking about Muslims, let alone the non Muslims. I'm talking about the Muslims.

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The Prophet size elements of a Muslim, he said matches well, I don't value them in law.

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And then face to face.

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You will never be able to pay back your father. What he did for you, you will never

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accept there is only one case. You find him slave. You purchase him from his master, and you free him.

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That's the only case where you will be able to pay back your father. What about your mother?

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The right of the mother is so great that you will never be able to pay

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the profit side seldom when he was asked who's who deserves the best companionship. Who should be my best friend. And the prophet SAW Selim told the man your mother.

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The man asked again Then who and after sell him again said your mother three times. And then he said your father. So here's the question. Are your parents, your friends? Or you consider them as enemies to you?

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Now if I asked every one of us, we would all say Alhamdulillah we are dutiful to our parents. We are perfect and everything is okay. But they have to judge not you. If we ask them. What are they going to say about you?

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Do you really consider them as your friends?

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That's what the last item said. You have to

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Be dutiful to your mother most. And so hon Allah. Many times, parents complain. I told my son to do this several times he never did it. Once his friend told him to do the same thing he did it right away.

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Yet you say yeah, I am beautiful to my parents.

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It's very important

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to remember these texts from the book of Allah and the Sunnah of the messenger salons and once a man was getting his mother

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on his back and doing tough

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and he was happy that he is helping his mother now in tawaf, it's even difficult for you alone to do it. So how about carrying someone else?

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So he's sort of an armor of the allowance. And he told the bomber

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Do you think I paid back my mother? What she did for me, when Amara Dylon on whom I told him, You did not even pay back one contraction in the labor

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which means whatever you do, it will be less.

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Now, here's the thing. When you are sick, they sacrifice everything, because they want you to be

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healthy, and they want you to grow. But if they are sick, even if you are helping them, you are waiting for them to die.

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And there is a difference here. That's what happens many times even for those who help their parents.

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Why we have retirement houses and why we have even

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care houses for adults.

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Because we are missing this thing. We forgot about

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what they did for us. And remember this, this is so unique about

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their of the parents.

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It's one of the sins that if you disobey them,

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you will find the consequences in this life before the hereafter.

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You will see it in this life before the hereafter.

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This is unique.

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And if you are beautiful, you will say the same thing also.

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Allah will bless you will bless your life will bless your money.

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The prophet SAW Selim when he mentioned three types of law that they are accepted. They are granted one of them. Do I want to deliver the Oh Allah Allah de, this application of the father for his son or against his son.

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And there are many stories True Stories happen for someone who disobeyed his

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umbrella

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who disobeyed his father

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and his father played against him.

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Instantly, the son was affected by the death of his father. It happened a lot.

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In another incident,

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be normal

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for the Allahumma was with his friends.

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And a man came from the bedroom from the bedroom.

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He was a poor man, that bedroom. When Mr. Allahumma

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he took off

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his clock and he gave it to him. He took off his turban and gave it to him.

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Plus to give him other things as well.

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He gave him lots of things.

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When the man left, the people blamed him and they told him why you did this. his bedroom. One simple thing wouldn't be enough. You gave him all these things. But he said this man was a friend of armor.

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This man was a friend of my father.

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So that's

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the dutiful, the true dutiful son.

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Not only when they're alive, and you wait until they die and you said hamdulillah now I don't have to do anything even after their death.

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Because people also ask

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they died. That's it. I did my job. No, you still can pray for them. Remember them asked forgiveness for them. Because that's what we do in the

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bill fairly well every day

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of the Hama, Hama, Kamara, biani, Sameera

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and in the Quran, also the same thing. It is mentioned

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So,

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you dutifulness to your parents did not stop does not stop when they die.

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It is ongoing.

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And now again, as I said,

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how many times you disobeyed your parents?

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How many times they were unhappy with you?

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And if they were asked now

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would they say Alhamdulillah? We're happy with them. Or they say, we're not pleased with them.

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Because some people, Mashallah they pray they fast, they do all things. But you asked him When was the last time you called your mother called you just only called your mother, or it was like two months or three months.

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Or there was a problem and I'm not talking to her or to my father or That's horrible.

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As a Muslim, this should not happen.

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When the prophet SAW Selim, was asked by Eben Masood

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on the lawn

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about

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the major sins.

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The biggest or the male, the major sin, the greatest sin is what

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should shaquil what comes next?

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killing a soul. What else

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fornicating with the wife of the neighbor.

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In another Hadith in another narration, the prophet SAW Selim himself said, should I not inform you of the major, the greatest of the great sins? And they said this prophet SAW Selim said,

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he said, then a poor quality.

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And then he said she had that is the false testimony.

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So what comes in the second place? Hopefully, they're being beautiful to your parents. And that's what Allah mentioned in the Quran.

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The first I will call Bara buka, Allah tabuteau Elijah who will validate me Asana, Allah is reminding you to worship Him alone, and what comes next directly being dutiful to your parents. So it is coming next.

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Again, this, this topic is,

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is very long, you could talk about it for hours and hours. But the question is, are you practically Are you obeying your parents or not? Are you obedient to your parents or not?

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One of the companions

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of the messenger seldom used not to eat

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with his mother, he sits with her but after she finishes he eats. And when he was asked Why? He said, because I'm afraid she wanted to eat from that spot, and I took it before.

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That's how

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they were obedient to their parents.

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Again, what if they are too far, it doesn't matter. It's irrelevant. The only case when they asked you to disobey Allah subhanaw taala. That's all.

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You have to be good to them. You have to listen to them. You cannot shout at them. You cannot even stare at them. Even this, that's not obedience.

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They are standing and you are sitting.

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You don't do this to your boss at work, but you do it to your parents.

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We only ask Allah Subhana Allah to forgive us. And again, like I said, Allah is just so if you do this, this will be done to you.

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And there is a funny story, but they said it was true. When the man carried his father, after his wife insisted to pick out his father from the house and he listened, eventually listened to his wife. When he carried him and he took him away. The father started crying. And the son asked him why you're crying. He said, because I did the same thing to my father.

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So

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you reap what you sow.

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This is in regards to the parents.

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Now, what about the children?

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Because you have your parents and then you'll have your children.

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What are

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your rights? What are your duties?

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There are rights

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you deserve, and your children have to fulfill. But also there are duties. Now the problem is this. Once we talk about the parents will remember only what they had to do to us. And once we talk about children remember what they have to do to us as well, we are remembering only our rights. We don't remember our duties.

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But you have to be fair, you have to remember both things, your rights and your duties. Now the same thing for the parents, I mentioned their rights, but also they have duties

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that they have to fulfill.

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Many people, they sell hamdulillah

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we give them money. And, and that's it. Now that's not it. That's a good thing. And that's your duty. And that's great if you are providing for them. But that's not the only thing.

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There are many other things.

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I can brief them through the story of Amaro de la Juan and the man

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Amanda man came to armor or the law one complaining that his son is disobedient. Whatever he tells his son to do, he's not listening. So Mr. della Han,

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called the man and the man came

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the son of that person who complained.

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So he told him, why don't you listen to your father?

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So the man said, Oh, commander of faithful? Don't I have also rights?

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amantadine? Yes, you have.

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So the man asked, What's my rights? What's the obligations of my father? He said, I'm going to Don said, he has to choose a good mother for you.

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Which means before you are born,

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he has to choose good mother, who who is the mother

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of your children, did you choose a good mother?

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This is one thing, then he should choose a good name for you.

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And he should educate you. So the man said by Allah He did nothing of these things.

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He chose a woman from the base.

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And he gave me a very bad name. And he did not indicate so what do you expect? Nowadays we complain? Our children are not listening. What did you prepare for this moment? When they are 12 1617

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if you want when they are seven,

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actually, most of the personality is already established. Before your seven

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they live in the house and they learn from you. Even if you don't notice they pick from you.

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They are like this punch. They take whatever they see.

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Whether you realize or you don't realize and nowadays, we just school started less than a month ago right?

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I used to complain in the masjid one month ago of the noise. The Isha prayer. We have lots of children and we have lots of noise. And it was late then 15 it was late. But Mashallah the mustard is full with children. Why? Well, it's summertime tomorrow. There is no school.

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Next day in the morning, there is nobody insolate so where are the children?

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We used to make the noise last night they are asleep.

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Okay, what's going on nowadays? the masjid is Mashallah quiet. And Salaam, Malaysia? Why? Or they have to sleep early. Tomorrow. There is a school in the morning.

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So we are telling our children school is more important than prayer.

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Oh, no, no, I never told my child this. Yes, you did not tell him but that's what you did. That's what you're doing. If your child missed one day of school, without an excuse, you won't let it go.

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Imagine your son woke up one day. I don't want to go to school today.

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Okay, fine. Is that what you're going to tell him or tell him why it is your future? And you give him lecture about the importance of education. But is it the same thing when he misses the prayer?

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Do you care about him going to the masjid for prayer? Do you have attendance sheet or it's only for the school?

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Now this is what's going on? Allah subhanaw taala reminded us yeah, you under the nominal coupon for sakumo honeycomb now. Protect yourself and you

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Families.

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And the prophet SAW Selim said kulu combine, or coloca masala Nanda, I think all of us are in charge of what we undertake, we have responsibility towards our children.

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So that's very important.

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On the other hand, again,

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you as a child, as a son, or as a daughter, whatever you gain whatever you have, if your parents asked you, and they need, you have to give them

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the time of the messenger science alum, a man came to the prophet SAW Selim complaining, and he was crying when he came, that his son does not provide for him.

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So when the man came, the prophet SAW Selim said, and

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you and your money belong to your father.

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Because who brought you to this life?

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Allah created you what brought you your father and your mother?

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That's why can you pay the cat for your parents?

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You cannot, you have to give them that's not considered Zika. As long as they need, you have to provide for them. The same thing for the children. You cannot pay for your children's soccer. But for your brothers, you can

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because you don't have to provide for them. But for your parents, for your children, you cannot face.

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Yeah. As the car you cannot, you have to give them the money if they need the moment they ask.

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And again, believe me, a true Muslim, a true son or daughter, they won't let their parents in need no matter what.

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So there are obligations towards the children. Before we ask our children.

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To Be respectful to us, we need to see what did we give them?

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We take our children to school. And we tell them learn honesty, be honest. Tell the truth Do not lie. They come to the house. Someone calls.

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I'm not here. So we tell them Do not lie. But we are lying.

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How do you expect from them? Not to lie?

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Some parents they smoke?

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And if there are children small? How you do this? Well, you are doing it.

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You have to lead by example. This is a true problem that's going on nowadays.

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Brandon had him one of the pious predecessors, a man came to him and telling he told him, I want you to advise me, how should I raise my child?

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And the grandmother told him how old is your child? He said two months.

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It's too early hamdulillah. I came in the right time around them told me it's too late.

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If you were honest, you should have come

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before you married to ask me? Which

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wife should I choose to become the mother of my children in the future?

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Now maybe you consider this exaggeration. But that's really true.

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Nowadays, there are researches about

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the children.

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The embryo in the womb,

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still, the baby the fetus, they are affected by what they hear.

00:28:34--> 00:28:41

Believe me, if you keep on playing Orion, they will pick that there are researches about this.

00:28:43--> 00:28:45

They can distinguish the voice of the mother.

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So

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that's maybe what the messenger Sallam said, when he said the higher role and

00:28:57--> 00:28:58

choose the vessels

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where you will have your children in the future.

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So there are obligations towards our children. And at the same time, they have to be obedient to us. We expect this, you do your job, and then

00:29:18--> 00:29:20

you rely on Allah subhanaw taala.

00:29:21--> 00:29:30

Now sometimes, you did not do anything wrong, but that's the will of Allah subhanaw taala no Holly Salah. Do you think they did not do his job as a parent?

00:29:31--> 00:29:43

Of course he did. But still his son was disobedient. So it could happen. Now raising child is very difficult. especially nowadays it is difficult, but remember the reward from Allah subhanaw taala.

00:29:44--> 00:29:54

I mean, do not remind your child always I am the father, I am the mother. I am doing this and doing that. They know what you're doing. So you should not keep on mentioning this.

00:29:55--> 00:29:59

Sometimes, the parents are dictators inside the house.

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They only issue orders.

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No communication, no dialogue.

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No give and take. It's only this is what should happen because I say so. And that doesn't work. It doesn't work this way. You want your children to obey you because they fear you or because they love you.

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That's the question.

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Believe me, this starts from the beginning, from very early age.

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That's why the prophet SAW Selim said about the prayer, Alamo Musa

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teach them when they are seven.

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Nowadays, many parents, they are leaving their children in the public school, and they don't know what's going on there. And eventually, if there is any problem, they are surprised what happened?

00:30:52--> 00:30:57

Well, you left them. And now you asked, Where were you before that?

00:30:59--> 00:31:00

What do you want from your children?

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Do you want them to become rich?

00:31:06--> 00:31:20

Or you want them to become pious? Now, of course, Hangul, everybody will say no, I want them to become bias, but at the same time, if they are rich, of course, there is nothing wrong with it. But ask any youth, anybody

00:31:22--> 00:31:29

who's graduated from school? Who's in college, about to find a job? If he's looking for a wife?

00:31:30--> 00:31:32

What he's looking for?

00:31:33--> 00:31:39

Is it really the religion or areas other things? And the same thing? Ask any girl?

00:31:41--> 00:31:42

If someone proposed

00:31:44--> 00:31:52

which one you will choose, If more than one, you will choose the pious or the one who has more money? And who's responsible for this? The parents?

00:31:53--> 00:32:14

Yes, she has responsibility, but the parents are teaching the children that you have to get a good job, you have to make more money or people won't respect you or people. Now there is nothing wrong, as I said, why not? You have the nice job? Why not? You become rich? Why not? You have a good looking wife. But are you asking about religion or not?

00:32:16--> 00:32:21

Who's responsible? The parents in the beginning? And then the children later on?

00:32:22--> 00:32:24

We all share the responsibility.

00:32:25--> 00:32:27

Look at the scholars.

00:32:29--> 00:32:47

In the early ages of Islam, like I mentioned only man Buhari. What did his mother do? We started this right. When he lost his eyesight. She cried for las panatela not because she's worried about his marriage in the future. But because she wanted him to produce something for Islam.

00:32:48--> 00:32:49

And it happened.

00:32:51--> 00:32:59

Allah mentioned in the Quran, the story of the mother of Miriam, the wife of Emraan. What did she do? She pledged to Allah subhanho wa Taala.

00:33:01--> 00:33:01

A servant

00:33:03--> 00:33:04

in the masjid.

00:33:05--> 00:33:06

She never thought

00:33:08--> 00:33:21

that it is a girl, not a boy. And she was saddened by that. But Allah subhanaw taala because of her sincere intention, Allah made her daughter, the mother of a profit of a Sally center

00:33:22--> 00:33:29

because of the sincere intention of the mother, so what's your intention, you want your children to become rich to become famous,

00:33:30--> 00:33:36

or you want them to serve Islam, you want them to be good. And in the process, there's nothing wrong.

00:33:38--> 00:33:49

of also pursuing a good carry, having other good things in this world, but your major concern should be the religion. The

00:33:52--> 00:33:59

education is important, and I mean by education, not the academic education, but the religious education,

00:34:02--> 00:34:04

prayer, fasting.

00:34:06--> 00:34:15

And the time the messenger science alum, they used to teach the children to fast from early age. And that's why when they grew up, it became easy for them to fast.

00:34:17--> 00:34:21

They give them things, they keep them busy, and then afterwards,

00:34:22--> 00:34:23

they used to it

00:34:25--> 00:34:26

and they fast.

00:34:27--> 00:34:28

The same thing with

00:34:29--> 00:34:31

with other types of labor that

00:34:34--> 00:34:35

so

00:34:36--> 00:34:40

you have to be dutiful, to your parents and also to your children.

00:34:41--> 00:34:49

And if you did your job handle, you will get the reward from Allah subhanaw taala and Allah will reward you in this life also.

00:34:51--> 00:34:58

Maybe sometimes, like I said, maybe you don't see what you expect. It's a test from Allah subhanaw taala

00:34:59--> 00:34:59

Allah

00:35:00--> 00:35:01

wants to increase your percentage.

00:35:04--> 00:35:05

In general,

00:35:07--> 00:35:11

most families, they have one family member.

00:35:12--> 00:35:22

Even if the entire family is good, you still have one person who's deviate. And because of him, the entire family is rewarded. It happens

00:35:25--> 00:35:26

or it's the opposite.

00:35:28--> 00:35:30

But you will have always differences.

00:35:31--> 00:35:45

You will not have like an entire family with all members. This is one of the scholars he used to say I observed all the families I saw in my life and every time there has to be one

00:35:46--> 00:35:47

different than the others.

00:35:50--> 00:35:56

So this is important. Like I said Ibrahim Ali Salam how many times he prayed for his father.

00:35:58--> 00:36:06

Though his father was a disbeliever. The prophet SAW Selim, he wanted to pray for his parents, but Allah subhanaw taala prevented him, do you pray for them?

00:36:07--> 00:36:24

If you wanted your children to pray for you, and the Day of Judgment, some parents will come and they will have a higher rank than what they deserve. And they will be shocked how we could how we got this Oh Allah and Allah would say by the law of your son, or daughter,

00:36:27--> 00:36:29

this is the true investment.

00:36:31--> 00:36:34

Sallam said the the math of Northern kapama when you die,

00:36:35--> 00:36:38

you did stop except

00:36:39--> 00:36:47

if you have righteous son or daughter, then you did really a good investment because they will keep praying for you.

00:36:49--> 00:36:56

And the prime minister was merciful and he was smart. He made that supplication and he got the profits on so.

00:36:59--> 00:37:02

Anyway, we'll I'll stop here inshallah. Is there any question about

00:37:04--> 00:37:05

your luck with the parents or

00:37:07--> 00:37:08

with the children

00:37:12--> 00:37:13

from the students online.

00:37:18--> 00:37:21

Okay, then we'll stop here inshallah. Santa Monica