Motherhood In The 21st Century

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Ebrahim Bham

Channel: Ebrahim Bham

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala Ramadan Viva

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La Mulana Viva

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la Vida kitabi hula Sharia Tabata Shariati

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ahmadu photo Villa shaytani r rajim Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem. Here you will live in Monaco and full circle como de coonara sakalava z.

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A respected mothers and sisters. We begin by placing Almighty Allah. Allah has made us believers Allah has made us from amongst the home of our beloved Nivea creme de la Hawley wa sallam May Allah tala keeper steadfast and Allah tala keepers upon this creed and upon this millet and upon this deal till the day we die in sha Allah and there are selectors for this Deen salutations we upon our beloved navia creme de la quali was silom was undoubtedly our greatest benefit him

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the topic that we have at hand today mothers and sisters is an interesting topic motherhood in the 21st century. Now many people will say what what is the difference between being a mother in the earliest stages or earlier time or compared to being in the 21st century? Well, in certain instances,

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some of the things don't change, some of the essential some of the foundations would not change. However, there would be certain challenges that are today that were not previously they I think anyone who is a mother, anyone who's a parent would not be oblivious of the fact that to be a parent today is far more challenging than it was before. And while

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certain essentials will remain the same certain aspects with regard to giving Serbia giving a good upbringing to our children will remain the same. There are certain challenges that we need to be aware of and I think it would be fair to say that in some in some situations, the topic would be relevant for what the time that we are living in.

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Firstly, let me start saying by saying there is no doubt whatsoever motherhood is a very great

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privilege. Something that inshallah and I hope I don't forget but inshallah life I don't forget before I conclude, I want to tell you something about how fortunate are those who are mothers

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and our children are also a tremendous joy

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to my children a tremendous joy. Although sometimes I suppose many people will say they are definitely a joy in the earlier stages of being cha cha in the earlier child, childhood in the infancy but when they become 14 1516 sometimes parents will actually question What are you talking about a joy? We trying to see the joy and it's not sometimes easy to see the joy when there are challenges in parenting children who are in the teenage years and there is no doubt whatsoever that it is very challenging. And when we talk about parenting, and we talk about

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you know, parenting and motherhood in the 21st century we're not talking about small children. Please no doubt they are their small children are a joy and heavier cream sauce Lim said

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children are the flowers of Almighty Allah Subhana Allah What a beautiful description. And once our beloved navia Karim Salah while he was selling was on the member he was giving a talk in hazard hazard and Hussein the viola Turan Hoon came into the masjid and they were small children bearing in mind that they were about seven years when the via cream saw Selim passed on so when our beloved maybe a creme de la while he was silom saw them coming maybe a Kareem saw silom couldn't bear them stumbling and walking towards the front maybe a cream sauce them got off the member maybe a cream sauce lemon to go and fetch them never saw them hug them and the via cream sauce them then said

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Verily, Allah tala has so correctly said that your children are trial unto you. And then maybe a Karim saw some said your children make you miserly and your children make you a coward. Because in every every parent would identify with that. Children make you in many many ways cowards make you miserly you start thinking only about you know your wealth towards the children the future of the children. So this is the reality that we are cream sauce them on one occasion

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made a very long seller in the long Salat Sahaba. After Salam ala you made such a long salad that we never see you making such a long center. Oh my companions my granddaughter Mama was sick.

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on my back when I went into system, and I felt afraid, and I didn't want to disturb her, therefore I

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waited till she got off my back and then only I got up from the sister. So this these are children, they they they are the joy of every parent and sometimes even the grandparents. They are the joy of the grandparents and Allah Allah has made them such Allah has put the love into the hearts of the parents, grandparents therefore we are we are obliged and we feel compelled to look after them. You know, it is amazing.

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And I'm going to speak very informally today I'm not going to speak like in a formal lecture. It is amazing that Allah tala in the Holy Quran does not tell

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parents to love children. No way in the Quran. And the Hadith does Allah tala tell parents to love children, but repeatedly Allah tala have to tell children to love and to obey and to look after their parents.

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Because parents love for children is

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natural, it is instinctive. Unfortunately, we cannot say the same with regard to children. Therefore, one mother can look after five or six children. six children can look after one mother. In today's time it is becoming more evident. One mother will look after four or five six children and she will find it not no burden and she will do it easily. But six children towards the end of the mother's life will find it difficult to look after one mother and that is what Allah tala in the Holy Quran does not ask parents to love the children because it comes naturally. But Allah tala repeatedly tells the children about the virtue of looking after the parents be good to your parents,

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if one of them or both of them become old. Then do not even say off to them in this respect, show respect to them, honor them. But of course I suppose today that is a topic for another day when one of the things that is quite amazing about the Quran. Allah Allah says in my blog on the indical, Kibera, Houma, Oklahoma, one of them are both of them become old, then do not even say off to them in this respect. Now, in today's time, many a time, children look at parents who becomes old, that they become a burden, they become difficult and obviously when you become old, there is a certain degree of difficult nature that comes into who your temperament, you become, you know, set in your

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ways you sometimes become stubborn. And many times, you know, the Western world, modern world tell us who your parents have become difficult, you know, get them away from your house, put them in an old age home, maybe we sacrifice upon our religion, our religion tells us the exact opposite. Our religion tells us this is a time now for you to this is a time now for you to gain gender by serving them this is a time now for you to gain gender by serving them. Therefore now via cream sauce and on one occasion said may that person be destroyed? May that person be destroyed may that person be destroyed jasola Who are you saying in Who are you making dua against that they must be destroyed.

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Oh my Sahaba I'm making do are for those people that we destroyed who find one or both of the parents in old age and they failed to gain Jenna by serving the parents.

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So Hannah law anyway that is a topic for another day. Today we are talking about motherhood and we talking about Parenthood. Maybe one day we will speak about the rights of parents to the appropriate form. Here we talking about the rights of children upon parents and just as children are joy, children are a very great responsibility. Responsibility which Allah tala in the Holy Quran and maybe a cream sauce let me know if you know emphasize the point is with regard to it. Therefore in one Hadith, Nivea creme de la Vallee wa sallam he said, the children each and every child khulumani would you lead to adult fitrah each and every child is born and an innocent nature Fabiola who could

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Danny Oh Eunice Irani, oh, you merge Asana him? It is a parents through the means of cleaning who makes the child into a Jew, a Christian, a fire worshiper, or whatever the child will become whatever a child will become depends not entirely. I won't use the word entirely. But I will use the word largely upon the training that they will get from the parents. The reason why I won't say entirely is because many times there are situations that come upon, you know you that

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things and the situation of the upbringing of the children goes beyond you environment plays a role. You know, Friends play a role. Sometimes they get involved in wrong company, so sometimes it can get beyond the parents, but what may be occurring source themselves each and every child is born.

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In an innocent nature, it is a parent's who make it what it eventually becomes. So the first thing is, these are two together with a joy. You know, parenting is a very, very great responsibility. And today the responsibility is even more I remember reading once I saw a book, which I've purchased, and I read, it was very interesting captioned. Parenting isn't for cowards. You know, that is the reality, parenting isn't for cowards. Parenting is a very, very great responsibility. Sometimes, we make a joke with regard to it, they say a child came, you know, with very, very bad marks to the, to the parents. And of course, we always get all those types of things that we see children sometimes

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make the old marking, they make their own signing, also, when they when they marks are not very good. So one day, a child came with a with a report that was not very good. So the father was a very great professional, and you know, the parents are very well educated. So the parent and the father put a thumbprint on the report when it has to be given in assigned. So the child said that, why are you giving a thumbprint? I mean, you are quite you know, a chartered accountant who are professional, why don't you sign why you put a thumbprint. So the father replied, and the parent replied, and said, I'm not going to make it known to the chair to the teachers, or to the school

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that I am so well educated, when you are bringing such poor results, you know, so that is a reality with regard to the first thing with regard to the responsibility, learn to respect your children, learn to respect your children, and this might be something that people will say, I know, respect is more for the parents, rather than the children is no doubt. And I've made mention of it in the beginning stages of the talk, but also learn to give, you know, learn to give importance to your children. One day, a parent came to be allowed to run when he came to be allowed to run home, he complained about his child. And he was very disappointed. So when are they allowed to run home? When

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he went, he called the, you know, the child and the child gave him his side of the story, that my father, and my doesn't give me any importance, doesn't listen, doesn't care, doesn't give me time. And all of those particular matters, he started speaking. So then O'Meara, viola, Toronto, said n equals the father and said, You came to complain to me about your child. And when my child told me things about you, I've come to realize that, you know, you have also to be blamed, you also to be blamed, give importance to your children, give time to your children. You know, this is one hypothetical incident, which is made mentioned on social media, sometimes all it is, not every

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matter of social media is good, but not everything is bad also. So there's one child one day, I know that father was very angry with him, they didn't do his homework or whatever it was. And, you know, so despite the father being angry with him, you know, the Father,

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in the state of angry, he didn't do something. And I will bring that to that you must remember that children like to be

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validated, they like to be affirmed. So therefore, a child sometimes would like to be recognized, even if it is a bad child, rather than not being recognized and shunned as a good child. You know, what I'm saying? A child would like to be recognized and to be affirmed and to be validated, even if it's a bad child, rather than being shunned and ignored by being a good child. Why do you see when children many times in young age, when you see that they all of a sudden, they know they they patron, they play they they they

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have tantrums? And you will see that many times when, you know, the mother gets another child and you will see this child all of a sudden throw temper tantrums, why is he throwing tantrums. Many times it is throwing tantrums because it has been ignored. So he feels by throwing tantrums is going to be recognized. It's going to be validated, he's going to be given time. So children need time. So this particular incident goes something like this. So even in that state of anger the Father, you know the child as the Father for you know, 100 200 friends and give me 200 then father became even more angry. First of all, you did something that was wrong, and now you're asking me to 300 then, so

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anyway, he shouted the child, the child went to sleep. And while the child went to go and sleep, the father felt a sense of guilt. The Father, mother felt a sense of guilt and went into the room to say, you know, my child was so sorry, we did this to you. You know, we overreacted maybe we shouted two more, but why did you want the 200 rent, you know, or I take this to underdrain. So the Father gives the child the 200 rent, and when they Father give the 200 then takes out another 200 rent from under its, you know, cushion and that particular through 123 103

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is sort of crumble. It's not, it's worn out, and the child gives the father and says, you know, Father during the cause of you speaking to me, you said, You are so busy and you are such a professional that you demand and you command 500 rain or 1000 rain per hour in your professional fees in your professional career. You take this 500 and give me half an hour of your time.

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Take this 500 Give me half an hour.

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That is the responsibility that we owe to children.

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So just as children are a very great joy, their responsibility and Allah tala will question us with regard to that responsibility. Therefore nebbia creams Allahu Allahu wa sallam he said in a Hadith, each and every one. He for each and every one of you is a shepherd, to the frog, that you are under your control. And you will be questioned with regard to those who are under your control. Allah will question the parents with regard to the children. What would a letter a question the first thing before we talk about some of the challenges of the 21st century. One is spirituality. It is our responsibility as parents to be able to bring up our children with religious and spiritual values.

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You know, we have to bring it it's an important part of our duty as parents one more Allah kabhi Salatu was Allah, Lana salukis karna Allah says in the last page of the 16, superar and Surah Taha, command your children in command your family to perform salad and you yourself, you must be steadfast upon it. Lana, sir Luca risca, we don't ask you for is we don't ask you for the provision, we will provide for them.

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Allah says you know, we all take it as a responsibility to take care of our children's financial and material needs. And there is no doubt whatsoever that it is our responsibility. But Allah says I will give it when mom and dad button fill out the Illa Allah Harris, first, first ayah to the 12 superar of the Holy Quran, 12 Jews, there is not any particular creature, the responsibility of the risk of that person is in the hands of Almighty Allah. Allah provides Allah uses you to provide for your children. Allah gives your children via you and how many times we see and I've seen it so many times when you are young you are still growing up you know you got a certain degree of risk Allah

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gives you all of a sudden you got children automatically or risk increases it's in reality is not only you're doing that your business all of a sudden flourished. It is Allah Allah Who has created that Allah knows that now you got children Allah tala grants you increase in risk to be able to look after the children, Allah is providing for them, but through the means of you. So Allah tala says, I command you to see that your children must perform select you must see to it they risk which we regard as a responsibility, I will take care of it. You know, this particular incident I like making mention of it something that is an amazing thing.

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It is, you know, the use of a salams incident is very, very amazing. It is something that each and every one of us, we are only aware of that incident, Yusuf alayhi salatu salam was away from his father for 40 years.

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And then afterwards Allah Allah in the Holy Quran said,

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you know, after 40 years, one day he's telling his friends who is sitting around he's now in his old age, you know, when I'm first serrato here called abou home, in Nila Jade huri, Yusuf Lola and Tiffany Dune is telling his friends, you know, I can smell the fragrance of Yusuf

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Carlota la de Nicola fever logical Kadeem and his friends tell him you have gone astray 40 years ago Yusuf has vanished, where can you smell the fragrance of use of n at that particular time? Yusuf alayhi salatu was Salam had come to know from his brothers, he has revealed himself to his brothers, that he is used to have he is still alive, He is the most important person in in Egypt. And when he asked about his become a he became a Navy, his father was a navy and he asked his his siblings How is my father? My father is our father is blind. So use a very solemn at that particular time it sent a small garment of his and that garment he had sent it, go and give it to my father and tell him to

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put it on his eyes he will regain his sight

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for Lama and Al Bashir who Allahu Allah what he ferrata de basura when they came and he put it in his eyes, you know he regained his sight color Allah Mako, la camisa de right. Don't tell you that I could smell the fragrance of Yusuf how

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law works. You know when when Yousuf was in the well, just a few kilometres away from him he couldn't, he couldn't smell it. And then he was so sold into slavery went into another country became the most important person of that country. After 40 years Allah Allah made him smell the fragrance in the presence of use of La salat wa salam. Now go and look at the books of history. They said Jacobo, a Salam. He asked and he said, How is my use of

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tell me?

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How is my use?

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So the brother said

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he is the most important person in Egypt. He is the king of Egypt.

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So Jacobo As salam said, I am not asking you

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if he is the king of Egypt or not. I'm asking you what is the state of his Eman?

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I'm asking you what is the state of his Eman? How is he in terms of his deal?

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My dear respected mothers that is our first responsibility.

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Whether it be motherhood in the 21st century or many other times, this is a reality. What have we done to give Deen to our children?

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And what is the use if you give them all the material things and you have not given them Deen, you have not given them spirituality, you have not equipped them islamically with regard to fulfilling the responsibility. And in this regard, the first thing would be I'm not saying that it is nice easy today. First of all, we must understand the challenge to Stephen Covey who wrote that famous book, you know, very famous book, and sometimes you read it in one of that sometimes it's good to read and sometimes you get one or two things that you pick up. And one of the things that he said was, you know, interesting, he said, First seek to understand before being understood, first seek to

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understand before being understood, first seek to understand you are you want to give your children a good upbringing, you want to give them good spiritual values, first seek to understand the challenges they are facing, before they can understand you, you are faced and you are they are dealing with an environment, they are dealing with an environment

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that we as you know, really, we as middle age can only, you know, maybe understand to an extent but we cannot fully comprehend

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at the tip of the button, they can have access to the most tempting, even if it is disastrous, even if it is harmful, even if it is harmful to the physical and spiritual self. But it's enticing. It is tempting at the tip of the button, they can access things that previously people had to undergo or had to take risk of being found out. If they had to do something like that. They have access to temptation that you and I as an early age, we can only we can only, you know dream about or think about it, we'll never be able to fully comprehend. You know, I'm not saying grim about it in a positive sense. But I'm just saying to say that that is a reality, they have access to things that

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was never available to us was never available to people who are middle aged. And normally they say this middle age parents are very obedient lot, you know, we are very obedient for those who are sort of 5055 you know, that particular age, we are very obedient when we were small. We obeyed our parents now when we are big, we will be our children. There is a reality with regard to our situation. First understand, what what is the situation with regard to what what in what you do feel, you know, it's amazing the type of things that we have now, how do people deal with it? What do you do when you find this particular type of situation? I mean, really, it was it was so easy for

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parents in the past, you know, they used to say that children must be seen not heard. And our two we used to behave like that we used to be seen and never we never used to voice our opinion. What the parents told us sit we said said they told us jumbo say how high there was a reality with regard to it today. It doesn't it doesn't happen that way. Now, in this particular type of situation, what do you do? How do you deal with parenthood? There are fewer few methods of parenting, which the modern day people tell us one is authoritarian, you know, where you just say I make the rules, you will listen to it as long as you living in my house, you will live by my rules, but they are those type

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of parents who see, you know, really in many times that is a false type of control you feel you have many times you might be able to bring about and said they are in this mouse. Things happen according to what I say. I am the boss of the house. Whether you are in reality is a different matter. You know, so this this is a reality.

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How much stuff

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Father has control how much the parents have controlled is a different metabolic effect or authoritarian. That is one way of dealing. One is permissiveness, permissiveness being means that,

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you know, I don't care, you know, and there are many parents in today's time who don't care. It's it seems to be the western type of situation. Where are they, once they come 1516 it is they live, let them live a life, we will help them we will advise them. But we don't take we don't take control. Or we don't say anything about the choices they make. So if they want to be this way, so be it if they want to be that way. So big. It's a permissive type of permissive type type of parenting, that is also another way, right. And then another type of situation which happens is,

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you know, a negotiate, you know, someone who nurtures who sets limits. And you know, it might be you know, a difficult type of thing. But in today's time, I'm going to be the one who says that, listen, that authoritarian way of parenting, that controlling way of parenting is not going to work. Many times you think you've got control, but behind the scenes because of your apparent harshness, children might remain silent, but be inside, they might be having different types of questions, because you didn't allow a freedom or situation for them to vent whatever they had to do. They kept everything inside one day, it will come out, and you will be disappointed. So this particular

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authoritarian type of parenting, and this particular thing, my way or the highway, really, in today's time, might be working again, I'm not I'm not giving foolproof solutions. I'm just sort of making mention with regard to some of the things some of the other way permissiveness, by we don't believe in that, where a child can go do anything, whatever he wants, we don't we are not responsible. We as Muslim parents, we don't believe in that particular model. Because Allah Allah has made us responsible. There is another way. Anyway, someone had said, punishment, suppresses behavior, discipline changes behavior, we are not supposed to just punish our children. And in South

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Africa, now you have a situation to punish your child, even in the aura, even in your own homes, is constitutionally outlawed. It is right to not matter. It is a reality. You know, I got my own my own theory with regard to it. You know, I always believe in one theory, maybe while I imitate him, it is believed I believe that Allah tala has kept the middle path, whenever anyone, whenever anyone

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goes away from the middle path departs from the middle path and goes to any one of the extremes. And if they don't come back to the middle path, Allah will make the pendulum swing to the other extreme. This is my view. I've seen it many times. There was no doubt whatsoever our society 4050 years was in one extreme with regard to punishing children. It was one one extreme. I'll tell you, myself, when I came back to after I studied, right after I studied, and I taught children, we didn't have any other method that was in front of us as teachers to teach children other than to beat them up. We had no other we had no other way. That was the only way that was open up to us. And that was

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parents, they did that.

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Teachers did. We didn't regulate ourselves with ourselves, the pendulum has swung now to that extreme. Now you can't even hit them, because we didn't regulate ourselves. So this is the reality. So punishments suppresses behavior, discipline changes behavior, a time has come in terms of methods of parenting that I will make mention of now is a time for you to sit with your children and set limits with them. nurture them, to tell them, I don't have the smartphone.

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I don't know if it will work well. If it works. I'll humbler any child, any parent who's got a model to keep his children 1516 1718 years away from a phone. And if they got a particular model that they've got right out like to share it, they will, I'd like to hear from them how they got it, right. But actually, what happens is if you don't give it to your children, they grow up feeling inferior, they grow up feeling unloved, they feel and they see all of their friends having it they feel the parents haven't given it, it makes them feel deprived, which leads them to in an inferiority complex, and when it leads them to an inferiority complex. They it has other harms, it

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has other harms. And the worst thing in today's time is for a child to grow up with an inferiority complex. My next point, just inshallah I will make mention with regard to it. Now the time has come to nurture and to set limits with your children, sit with them, tell them the harms of Facebook, tell them the harms of social media, tell them the harms of the phone, and be open with regard to them. Tell them that I'm going to allow you usage up to this particular limit. If you abuse it, I'm going to take away that particular privilege. You're going to have to sit with them you're gonna have

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To explain to them, you're going to have to be with them, and you are going to have to tell them and and then you nurture and you set limits, you are not, you are not in a position to waste time to isolate your children with regard to what is happening, you are not in a situation today to insulate your children from what is happening, whether you tell them or you don't tell them. They someone said very beautifully, that today to cheated the children, the facts of life, they used to be a time when parents wish to have a special city to tell the children with regard to the facts of life, you know, you becoming in you becoming a ballet Boy, you are becoming a ballet girl, there are certain

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hormones, there are certain temptations or certain desires, they say nowadays to teach your children about the effects of life is like teaching a fish how to swim.

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They know it before you know it, right. So now what is the time now is the time for you to nurture

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and to learn to set to set limits? That is a thing with regard to it. So in that particular way you do that? And of course, this there is no foolproof, but in this way they are it you are you're equipping them in a better way, then to deal with the challenges, then to think that you are going to isolate to insulate them, don't isolate them, inoculate them,

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don't isolate them, inoculate them, inoculate them that Listen, this is a this is the arms. These are the challenges. I'm allowing you but I'm also warning you it's not always foolproof, maybe they might here and there, you know, step the limit, but inshallah that will be perhaps again, I'm saying perhaps the third thing that I would like to make mention with regard to children is the aspect of peer pressure. Allah Al Azim I don't think we can ever understand the the real challenge of peer pressure. Peer pressure means that the pressure from the friends

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to be able to to conform to what is the norm amongst the Friends of your age, not not to conform to the ideas and the norms of someone who is 4050 years of age to conform to a child who is 1516 years. And really this is a reality. Many times I find many, many parents are very idealistic when their children are 4456. And the reality comes in when they are 14 1516. And it's they are the exceptions and I do accept that there are exceptions but by and large, it is very challenging, then you find really difficult types of you find them all of a sudden want to be with friends want to go out and want to do this one to do that. And you're not always happy with it. How do you deal with it? So the

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one aspect is because it's all peer pressure and peer pressure. I always tell people peer pressure is not only for for people who are young. Right? It is even for people who are mature. In our history, there's an incident many people might have heard about this incident. What Is that considered the incident is about Abu Talib, Abu Talib, the uncle of Navy SOS alum help Nivea cream sauce them throughout his life. Right. And I will tell him at the time and he was on his deathbed. You know, the VA creme de la la Selim came to his uncle's home My uncle who helped me throughout my life, you don't allow people to this ride ride roughshod over me. You protected me and there was no

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doubt if it wasn't for mortality, the culture of harmony via cream sauce even greater. That is from the US Bob from the means point of view, right? Oh, my uncle, say one time in my ear La ilaha illAllah Muhammad Rasulullah Don't tell anyone else. Just say it in my ear. Just say it once in my ear. I will intercede before allowing the day of judgment that my uncle set the Kalima? Oh my uncle say one time the Kalam Allah, Allah, Allah Allah. And because Abu Talib was so influential Abu jahl and everyone was there. And Abu Jamal just taunted Abu Talib once, and what did he say? Oh, I will tell him for the sake and for the fear of your nephews janam Are you going to leave the religion of

00:34:01--> 00:34:02

your forefathers?

00:34:04--> 00:34:33

Or Valley for the fear of your nephew janam? Are you going to leave the religion of your forefathers This is pure pressure. And an experienced person like Abu Talib could not bear the peer pressure. He did not bring him on because of peer pressure. Now, can you imagine that peer pressure that impacted upon a person who has matured like Abu Talib, what is going to do with our children. And there is where I'm saying that's where I made mention of the point before.

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If you give your children confidence, they are more likely to be able to bear the pressure of peer peer pressure than to leave them with an inferiority complex. If you do not give them and you do not trust them. And if you do not show them love, then they wherever they get that first love, or at least what they perceive to be that love. They will then run in that direction. Why

00:35:00--> 00:35:40

To see so many times how many parents they fill in, they feel disappointed. They have done so much they haven't given the children confidence they have been sort of harsh upon the children. That particular child 1819 years old, whether it be a boy or girl, you know gets love, sometimes it loves might be phony, that love might be something that he gets from a from the opposite gender, all of a sudden gone away from your control. Why? Because you didn't give it confidence. You didn't give it love. And children no matter how independent they feel, they want to be affirmed. They want to be validated. They want to get love, even if they show otherwise. And you know, we sometimes we say,

00:35:40--> 00:36:23

you know, follow our cabling, follow our elders follow whatever. But we are very selective in what our grandma tell us. I have heard from people like Mufti Mahmoud Sabra Malala, one of our greatest, you know, scholarly person who came to our country rG farrokh, sobre, la Lucy, now the time has come for you to befriend your children. Now, the time has come for you to befriend your children not to be like the parents of yesteryear, you know, my way or the highway Now is the time for us to be friends with children. And it is something that is in our in our books. As a leader they allow us to say, allow a boom in play with your children for seven years. For seven years, let them play law.

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Number seven, there is no laws of Islam or laws of

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Sharia that is upon them. So whatever you do, you try to bring it to inculcate the habit is not compulsory upon them. Play with your children for seven years at the boom discipline, then the next seven years, you discipline them that if you want to create the right type of discipline created between seven and 14, right after 14 they don't want to listen to you, then what did you say Hello, Mr. Bill, after that, befriend them,

00:36:53--> 00:37:30

play with him for seven years, discipline them for the next seven years, that's the time to discipline them, where they are most likely to be able to be disciplined. After 14 they're not gonna listen to you, then you must be friendly, they must you they you must become their friends. I'm going to say something, even if it is difficult, you must create such an environment in your homes. This is what I'm talking about motherhood in the 21st century, I don't think 50 years ago, you know, anyone any alum would have told us to parents, I am going to say that you must create such an environment in your home, that if even if the child has done something that is wrong, or even if the

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child is inclined towards something that is wrong, or if the child is inclined to someone of the opposite gender, you must create such an environment in the home that the first port of call for the child must be the parents.

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May Allah Allah forbid that he's got a situation with regard to someone in the opposite gender. And he goes and tells his friends and his friends go and tell him, Hey, this is something smart for you, man, you go and enjoy yourself.

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Just he mentioned that he has to go to a friend who gives him wrong advice at that time, you must create an environment in the home, it's very difficult to understand this for people who come from an conservative or other background. Because you must create an environment that if the child has to say anything, it must be open enough. And there must be such an environment in the house so that he can make mention with regard to his parents and he doesn't have to go anywhere else for advice and May Allah Allah forbid that he has to go anywhere for advice, because out there, there are many people who don't give the best of advice, there will be people who will sort of take them for a

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ride, there will be people who will take advantage of them. So therefore, you create their particular situation with regard to your three children, that is one of the things with these with so important and in this particular regard. Let me also make mention of one or two small points, and one is learn, you know, learn to learn to link your children Allah subhanho wa Taala from the very beginning, learn to link up your children with Allah subhanho wa Taala it's very, very important to link your children with Allah subhanho wa Taala some who say, you know, we tell them you know, there is this one diet in the Holy Quran Allah Mujica team and for our Did you not find you to be an

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orphan Oh prophet of Almighty Allah, and we protected you. Right? So the Allah right, that one of the benefits of Nivea cream sauce from being an orphan is You see, when people have parents parents tend to spoil the children I suppose it's natural. But when a person child is born and often you don't get that type of pampering when you have parents. So in our beloved Nivea cream sauce Salaam situation it was the wisdom of Almighty Allah, that Nivea cream sauce lamb grew up without parents because Allah directly intervene to become the expression the guide for the VA criminal law.

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So you're the owner matelas that link your children to a law like for example, you tell your child

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quickly

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No room I don't like to see your dorm room dirty. I don't like to see your room dirty code and see what how your room looks. You know. And instead of saying that, learn to say, you know go and clean your room, Allah loves cleanliness in allow you to

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go and clean your room and Nana's cleanliness. coin performance solid, Allah loves those who do this. So link your child to enlarge. In today's time, you know that the greatest, the greatest prevention,

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the greatest prevention, for children to fall in the way of drugs, etc is perpetual spirituality. You see one of the reasons why children go on to drugs. And one of the reasons why they go into these negative habits is because of a vacuum in their life.

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A vacuum in the life, there is a vacuum in there like there's something missing in their life. Now the third mistake you and I have many times as parents we do is we feel that that particular vacuum is going to be filled by material things. But Allah has never kept material things to fill a vacuum. And lie is never kept materialism to fill the inner

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contentment of your heart. And like didn't keep I mean, let me give an example. You buy the best of toys for your child, five, six years. He's crying for the toy. It's crying for that toy. You buy it after two days, it's lying there in one corner. He forgot about it. Two days before it was crying that it was his entire survival his entire happiness depended upon it. After two days is lying in one corner. Why Allah didn't kept satisfaction in material things. And like you don't keep contentment it's a temporary type of contentment you feel that it is there?

00:41:54--> 00:41:57

What did Allah Allah keep contentment in Allah busy karela hit

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in the remembrance of Allah, this heart finds contentment if you have not linked your child to Allah, we have not given it spirituality we have not given it namaz we have not given it Quran, the likelihood of that particular child to go into drugs is more than that a particular child has got some religion, some ibadah, some Quran, some religion, some spirituality. And the reason is so clearly, if you have made entertainment, the objective of your child, if you have made entertainment, the object of your child, where does it end, he is always going to be looking for entertainment. And for him is he is told by his friends, drugs is a very, very good recreation is a

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very good entertainment. If we have made that the entire be all and end all of your children, give them entertainment, make them happy, take them for holidays, do this and do that without giving them spirituality, then what have you done? You've created a mindset for them to enjoy, enjoy, enjoy, and where do they stop? Where does it stop? There is no endpoint with regard to entertainment. It just goes on and on. And if you don't create a situation of spirituality, may Allah subhanaw taala forbid they could go in a particular direction. And another important thing link children to Allah tala, then another point, we have a deal role model, be an ideal role model to your children. Children

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love to see the parents being ideal role models, therefore, you will find children will pick up double standards in the parents more than anyone else. They will pick up you make a joke with regard to it go and tell the Jamaat father is not here. And they will tell the Jamaat Papa say he's not here. They will make mention of all that, but they will see all of that. And then what would what face Can you can tell them afterwards? To be honest. There was a recent notice on the recent sometime that

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I read a very interesting

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article in The Times magazine that children, teenage children were asked that, who do you want to be your role model? Who do you want to be your role model?

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Who do you want to look up to 81% of teenage children said we want our parents to be our own models.

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At 81% of the parent, the children, teenage children said we want our parents to be role models be a role model to to the children. They want to see their follicle assays why Maura Huckabee said was to be Rania, command your children to perform Salat and you also be steadfast. You can go and tell them perform select and then you go and sleep. How is that going to happen? They'll never be able to learn the benefit and the value of salad and learn to be encouraging. Learn to encourage well law seem to be in today The time has come not to punish them and said can do this. Create a love for the children to be able to come towards the creator love. That's what our beloved nebia Crimson Nivea

00:44:53--> 00:45:00

cream saw silom this is something that we must repeatedly tell people you know when this particular aspect of the constitutional

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Court came and they said that it's now constitutionally outlawed. for parents to hit the children. I said, we always say follow the Sunnah. Follow the Sunnah. Follow the Sunnah. Now via cream sauce cillum it is not recorded in the books of history that he ever lifted his hands upon anyone

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never ever so is that what difference does it make constitution that's our our constitution of Nevis awesome. Let me a cream sauce lamb never ever lifted his hands upon his wives never lifted upon his hands on his on his on his woman, on his children on his slaves on his servants never ever lifted his hands. Nivea cream sauce looms method come I tell you how many acronyms are Allahu alayhi wa sallam encouraged pepper. Let me give you two examples as an image of the Allah Tran Who says you know nebia cream sauce and one day told him Yamaha Yamaha in the book. Omaha's I love you.

00:46:00--> 00:46:45

What words and we were going to Jordan many years back and because I'm gay many bands on SMRT mutual, remarkable incidents, beautiful incidents about him. And we were going in we went to see the cover of sharabi libnah Hashanah and Abu Zubaydah enoggera and zeytinburnu haritha the adopted son of Esau slim Jaffer, Vina Vitaly and Abdullah bin Raja all in one day. And I was looking forward to consider the cover of Mars in general and the driver said he's already Maverick time. Now if you go back to a manual, we took our fees so disappointed, but later on, someone came in tell me he said monana do you know on the cover of Mars is written these words

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in a book, which

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I love you and then he told him Omaha's after every salad, read Aloma, Hindi Allah the cricket, cricket was named

00:47:00--> 00:47:24

Oli helped me in remembering me. And remembering and making your ebbed and remember in helped me along our law helped me in remembering you helped me in being grateful to you and helped me in making it better to feel as it was said after that, I never ever forgot these words. How can you forget it? When he was taught in such a way? How will we teach a good data to put

00:47:26--> 00:47:28

together onto paper Tony

00:47:29--> 00:48:08

is that way we have never saw slow Oh was in Neo Hippo comas. I love you, who was now in future, you know, say allow my nilotica in such a way he never forgot it. One day Abu Bakr radi Allahu anhu you know he used to come, come a little late in the masjid. And when you should come late in the merge it used to run to fetch the record record. So we all know that before the Imam gets up from Morocco, if you get the namaz you, you don't miss the Salah you don't miss the record. So vokra used to run and one day he ran and he ran in a cream sauce then came to know about it. And how did maybe a cream sauce lamb correctly?

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okra, you know you're running to the salad. You run into the machine to catch the rocket. okra May Allah increase your enthusiasm. mela increased your enthusiasm to get the record but next time Don't do like that. It is not appropriate for a person to run in the masjid. Oh boo boo Cara Mia Allah increase your enthusiasm next time Don't do like that. There is a way now via cream sauce lamb towards children. So although it is difficult, my dear respected mother's time has also elapsed. Let me say two things right and I will conclude with this. One is never underestimate the power of the parent especially the mother.

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The vehicle himself Some said three people's doors are not rejected. One is the door of the parents for the child. constantly make dwara bunnahabhain arminas wodgina with Ria Tina kurata Yun Matatini mama read it as much as possible after every solid read it in the 19 superlattice do is there if you can. I'm not saying that is a must. And I'm not imposing upon you. Try and read this 21 times in the morning Robin Avalon. Tina Tina kurata Yun Halima tacchini mama Cohen read this do our 21 times in the morning Let me tell you another doula very easy to easier than this one. Right and inshallah I hope you will make dua you know, bring it into your daughter to read and inshallah will benefit me

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and benefit you also. in the morning and evening. After further after Muslim after reading the rue Sharif read seven times here a table read seven times Yakubu Allah is a protect Allah protect our children. We can be policemen for our children 24 hours. radiotherapy was seven times after mercury and after fudger in between the rotary for your children to Thailand was or the parents are very

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barkatullah was it was it back Kalani was back quarterback and one of the great one of our great grandma, who used to be an expert in understanding the eloquence of the Quran. I think his name was buckled and honored by Kalani. Anyway, the name escapes me at this time he came to Baghdad. When he came to Baghdad. People came to welcoming that time that people used to come and welcome the album, you know, outside the town, 1000s of people came to welcome him. And he used to walk with a limp. And when someone looked at him, you know, and he said, What are you looking at me? I'm looking at you walking with a limp is am I telling you what happened to me? He said, Tell us. He said one day I

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was playing with the birds. And I was tying the birds legs with a string. Right. And as it was flying, I used to pull it. And the bear birds smaller birds legs used to break. And my mother told me Don't do like, Don't do like that. And I continue doing. And my mother out of extreme frustration and anger said, may Allah make you the same. And today what you're seeing this is my birthday off my mother.

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You seeing me limping. This is because of the death of my mother. On the other hand, Mr. Muhammad Ali was blind. When he became blind in the early years. The mother used to make so much too I used to cry. And I had the good fortune of going to the cover of human Buhari to lay in this particular you know, incident is so touching to me because of visiting the cover of this great personality. And one day the mother saw in a dream, Ibrahim alayhi salatu was Salam giving a glad tidings code because of your work. Allah has given say to your child. Next morning, she got up so saw the child remember her

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mother's day was a very, very important make dua for your children. Don't underestimate it. And let me conclude with this ayah which I read here you will already know hamanako and fusa kumala coonara save yourself and your family members on the fire of Jana. You know, this is such an important thing. Sometimes you know, can you imagine? Just imagine a scenario and that'll never make it happen to anyone. You're coming home one day and you're driving home and all of a sudden you see around your home this is something the fire brigades are rushing and there is fire in the in the facility must be someone's fire maybe it's a fell fire or maybe it's a fire of some you know, unused

00:52:12--> 00:52:21

warehouse etc you come back and say listen is in my neighborhood. Still it doesn't sort of strike you and all of a sudden you come near it This could be my house. You come near my house.

00:52:22--> 00:52:40

Now you're worried what happened with regard to your children, your children, you leave them at home and now there's fire in the house and you rush and you rush there the fire brigade said no they put in that they've put into something no one can go you say no is my house they allow you to go by and you got three children and you see your two children who are on the pavement who are safe and

00:52:41--> 00:52:42

then

00:52:43--> 00:53:07

the thought come and said where's my third child? Where's the third child and then you see Leah to build Alia de la la never allow anyone to see such as. And you see one of your child in the upper portion of the house screaming to you oh my parent home my mother. My father helped me. You know, what will you do at a certain time? I know what you will do you put your life at risk and save your child. That's what you will do.

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by this is that that is what you will do here in this world. And that tells us yeah, you will levena Monaco and fossa Kumar Li Kumara aku Hannah's ijarah genre

00:53:21--> 00:53:53

Oh parents save your children from janam save their pet jahannam the the fuel of that fire will be stones upon that particular fire, not fire brigades. Angels won't allow you to go into that. This particular incident is a small reminder that save your children find their ways find the means make dua go and speak to them give them advice, but it is your responsibility as parents to save them from the fire of Jana. May Allah give us a topic of understanding why.

00:54:00--> 00:54:00

Hello, Mr.

00:54:02--> 00:54:07

Medina, Mohammed Salim Hello Monica. Santa Monica Santa Monica de la

00:54:09--> 00:54:13

Allahumma sinopoli retina Filmora kuliah Gentlemen, cc to Nevada Welcome.

00:54:15--> 00:54:15

Hello, I'm

00:54:17--> 00:54:18

Tina.

00:54:20--> 00:54:21

tacchini mama

00:54:23--> 00:54:24

Hello

00:54:27--> 00:54:34

nativa we're in Alberta Latina worship Latina Allahu mistura Latina. Latina Aloma

00:54:36--> 00:54:37

Filipina when a man you know when

00:54:40--> 00:54:43

enough talented enough. Lawyer hamara Amina will

00:54:45--> 00:54:59

modify one Misaki Ella forgiven our shortcomings. Yella, Yella for forgive our shortcomings Allah Allah forgive all the Ghanaian sins that we have done. Allah we are not proud with regard to the wrongs that we have done. Allah we have made mentioned through the means of Your Beloved have even a criminal

00:55:00--> 00:55:38

seldom Did anyone Yala who turn towards you in repentance with regret yeah Allah you will turn towards them with forgiveness. We are regretful of the wrongs that we have done. Allah forgive us he Allah make us perfect parents Allah, Allah make us good parents who can set the right model and the role model for our children who are living up in such great difficulty and challenging times. Allah protect our children, our children, the coolness of Isaiah in this world and provision for us in the after. Allah we can police our children 24 hours a day Allah you protect them you Allah, if ever they take a path leading towards it which is wrong, if ever they take a path leading towards it,

00:55:38--> 00:56:13

which is negative Yella Yella, you catch the hens and bring them back upon the right path Allah, Allah to not let them take a path which is harmful to them harmful to the deen harmful to the society. You protect our children Allah. Yeah, let us be good role models to our children Allah, Allah you help them you know you protect them from all types of difficulty. You will never ever see the difficulty of our children. Let them be provisioned for us in the year after Yella Yella, your beloved Habib has made mentioned to us Allah, on the day of Tiamat a person will be on the scale of his good deeds, and all of a sudden he will see a great amount of good deeds coming upon the scale

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of his good deeds and he will ask the angels What is this? An angel has said he left behind pious children. They made it as deeds they did good deeds they may draw for you after you have passed on. And this is the result that you are seeing an increase in your good deeds. You will make our children the coolness of Isaiah in this world and make them provisions for us in the year after that will tell the squeeze scale of good deeds in our favor Allah never let us see the difficulty of our children Allah, Allah when they become marital he Allah, Allah grant them compatible spouses.

00:56:45--> 00:57:03

Those of us we have children we have children. Yeah, we have we have our grandchildren Yola protect our grandchildren. protect them from calamities and protect them from all types of fitna. And for those of us who have children and the children are unable to conceive or don't have children, Allah bless them with pious children.

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Do not deprive me Allah, Allah Grandin, pious children, out of wedlock, and out of your power granddam pious children Allah, Allah, Allah Allah, Allah Mika with children, the coolness of our eyes, and Allah grant them all types of happiness. grant them all types of goodness, both in this hole in the after quarter loudhailer officially habibie in the LA Mola eco saloon Allah maybe you live in amanu sallu alayhi wa sallam Otis Lima Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barik ala nabina Muhammad Suhana Raveena