Channel: Isam Rajab
How to raise a Child in islam Imam Isam Rajab
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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salaam Alaikum peace be unto you. Welcome to the deen show, which is a way of life we try to put out there for everyone to see helping you understand Islam and Muslims. Today, on the deen show, we're going to start a special section called family matters. And in this section of the deen show, we're gonna invite you all to come on, and to see how Islam tackles these issues on how to raise a child dealing with different important issues that are facing us living in today's society. Today, in particular, we're going to be talking about how to raise a child from A to Z. Now, I by myself probably couldn't give you the best advice. All right, I need the advice
myself. So we're bringing on all the way from Houston,
qualified person to help us bring them on out without further delay.
Lake O'Shea. Welcome to the D show. Thank you for coming in. How was the flight? Good Hamza. Okay, so the people got to see a little bit about where you studied and your credentials, and you have the ability to help us because we need some advice. How for someone who's expecting a child planning to have a child inshallah, God willing. What, what is the best way we want to know from A to Z, even before the child comes into this world? What preparations should somebody make?
this is a long issue. And it is very important, also very important. You could talk about it for 10 minutes, and you could talk about it for days. We'll talk about for 20 minutes. How's that? Okay, we'll try to do my listing. Okay. And, actually, I believe you hit on the, on the court when you said before marriage because that's exactly when the preparation for raising the child starts. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says,
choose for the world that you will implant in the womb of your wives.
This means first you have to choose a righteous wife, a righteous righteous woman. That's the beginning. You don't wait until you have a woman. You're married and she gets pregnant and you have a baby. And then you say, oh, how will I? How I will raise my child. Define for us. What's a righteous woman? What do you mean when you say a virtuous woman, the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he himself mentioned that the one that pleases Allah subhanaw taala how God have she has a good character. She obeys Allah subhanaw taala she with her husband, prophesied celebration that usually women are married for four major things, either because of her family lineage, or because of her
money, she's rich, or because she's beautiful, or because she has the religion. And the prophets are seldom told us to, to look for the religion in particular, that does not mean we don't look for other things. We look for them, but they are not the main issue. Gotcha. So good, pious woman, the pious woman and the pious woman is not only the woman that prays and fasts and
gives him charity, the pious woman is the woman that has a good character, gotcha. She listens, she obeys. She doesn't raise her voice she has she deals with people in a nice and gentle way. Because unfortunately, many times not only for women, but even for men. They think that that the good person is the one who prays more, and that's not the issue. a bad day itself is not about quantity. It is about quality, quality. Yeah. So from the beginning, you need to choose a righteous wife. And there was a famous incident in the time of our model, the last one, the second Caliph of Islam. A man came to him complaining about his son, his son was rebellious and beautiful. Every time he disobeyed his
father, and his father was almost fed up. So he came to Amaro delana told him
you need to, to find a solution for me. So I'm gonna be long called on the on the sun and he told him Why you are not good to your father. He said, Okay. My father has rights. But don't I have rights also upon my father, I might have answered yes, you have. So the son told him what are my rights upon my father, and this is the issue many times we remember only what our children should do to us. We forget what we should do to our children. So the matter
Omar Abdullah told the son that he should have chosen a righteous wife, which which will be your mother, he should have chosen a good name for you. He should have educated you. So the boy told him or Omar, the commander faithful, my father did nothing of this. So Homer tend to turn to the man and he told you this, this, you did not you are you are not beautiful to your son before he is, um, beautiful to you. So again, this is the first step, you choose the righteous wife.
And another incident also a man, which is, Brian Reuben had him he was one of the pious predecessors.
One man came to him, and he told him,
I want you to guide me just like now the interview that you're having, yeah, how can I raise my child? I have a child who is already born. He's four months old? Yes. What did Abraham do? The child has how many, four months, four months, four months data around that I'm told him, you know, it is too late now, too late four months, he told me it is too late. If you are sincere, if you are serious about raising the child, you should have come to me before you married your wife and asked me about the correct wife or the suitable wife that I should choose. So here's where we start. And that's really a problem nowadays. Many people, some of them come to me teenagers, or in the 20s.
Sisters, they come to me and they say my mother won't allow for me to marry this righteous
guy. Why? Just because he's not a doctor or an engineer. Looking more for titles now. For for this engineer, Doctor thing here money for that's okay, you look for this, but look for the religion, what's the use, if he has a degree, if he has lots of money, and he doesn't pray to Allah subhanaw taala is not price. So this is real problem. That's where we have to start. At the beginning, having a good spouse, man or woman, making sure that you're marrying a righteous man or woman. Exactly. Then, during the pregnancy also. Now, recently, scientifically, the scientist proof that the baby the fetus in the womb, is affected by the sounds he hears. Yeah, he can recognize the voice of his
And unfortunately, some people they say you need to play music for him. So he comes down. It's proven. So why don't we play around? We hear biography of many scholars that they memorize the Quran when they were seven years old. How do you think this happened? Because their their parents worked on this, it's in the genetics? How could that happen? So would this be a good idea to take some headphones, possibly, and put them on you don't need to, or you as long as you hear it long as you hear it, the baby will hear it? Yeah, just keep it playing the same thing with the kids. Also, many people also complain that I want my kid to sit and memorize the Quran. Well, I asked How old is he
or she five, six years, he needs to play, let them play, play the Quran, while they're playing, while they are playing in in a high position where they cannot reach it on the shelf. So subconsciously, they will memorize. That's what the media now do with you, they tell you that this this product, this drink is good for you. They are not talking to your to your conscious mind. They are talking to some to your subconscious mind. They repeat it again and again and again. And they attach it to something good. So unconsciously, you come and want to drink whenever you want to feel good. So why don't we do it with the Quran? So we got we got step one, choosing a righteous spouse.
Exactly. And now, even before the child comes out, letting the child hear the Quran, which let them hear the Creator of the heavens and earth his words, which is the Quran, yeah. And what the wife herself, the mother to be for this baby has to be also righteous. Nowadays, when when when a woman is pregnant, yeah, the doctor will tell her don't smoke, it will affect the baby. Don't drink, don't eat this. Step, stop doing this. Don't exhaust yourself with many things. And the same thing, you have a baby, you're prepared to be a mother. So prepare him for righteousness. Why we wait until the baby is born. And then we call the man and the woman which is good. But start before this. So the
wife, the wife has to increase their dad also. So the kid the kid will come the baby with with this atmosphere worshiping a loss penalty. The same thing for the husband for the Father. Now you want your son to be righteous? What about you? You want him to memorize the Quran? What about you? The prophet SAW Selim in his lab he said along him attorney disseminate. Oh, sorry about poverty, Oh Allah, let me enjoy my strength, my hearing my vision. Well, childhood worries me and let this what will be inherited
to my children. So you want them to be good, plant the seed. You don't want them to be good while you are doing something else. Is there any dos applications that you can
Do also be for you get or after you get married to a law, God Almighty, for you to have a righteous child or even before you have relations with your wife, of course, of course again, from the first moment you marry the woman, you pray to Allah subhanaw taala. To give you that which is good from her, there are special douar supplications a lot of messenger, a lot of yeah Alemany Silicon
Valley, can you translate this, Oh Allah, I asked you of the goodness of her, and the goodness that she's used to do. And I seek refuge with you from the evil that she has, if she has an evil that she's used to do, that's from from day one, from the first night that you are with your wife. So we have supplications now this is one thing, then when there is an intimate relation.
Look at the greatness of Islam. You don't only fulfill your desire, but you get rewards from Allah subhanaw taala. And you please Allah Subhana Allah and you protect your child, once you want to have intimate relation. There is also the prophet SAW Selim taught us to say Bismillah and the name of Allah Allah mentioned in the Shabbat, or Allah avoid us avail the shape and form us within the industry fundamentals. And if there is a child to be born
protecting from the from the shape one, yeah, the profits are set. Before relation This is before the intimate relation that's awesome said if you say this,
and Allah subhanaw taala decreed that there will be a child born the shutdown one time, so he'll be protected. Once the baby is born. Now we have in the issue of bringing up children raising them up, we have another issue with with their physical problems, that they have a problem with their health, they have a problem, his hand is broken. Also, again, we have the vehicle to slaughter the sheep
for for the prediction. So just to rewind real quick, so we covered choosing a righteous spouse. Do our supplications and listening to the Quran while even the babies in the mother's room. Yeah, and now the baby's born we'll take it we'll continue from there the baby's born you give
the baby gets delivered comes out into the world now from the womb. What's the first thing you do from there? You call the event and the call the than? Then on the right in the right ear you call the other day as soon as the baby comes out? Yeah. Okay. And if they want to take it say no no good a baby and you should the father hold it. Should the mother hold it? Who should hold the baby both father the father sort of fought them. Okay, we're trying to paint a picture now. The baby comes out crying and you take the baby with all what's on it. And you hold it right? Take it away from the doctor. Or whoever delivered you don't just snatch it. Can I have my child? Exactly? Because take
the baby you want him? These are practical situations? And is that how you want him to hear the first thing? Yeah. of his life the first moment that remembers the call to prayer exactly the call because as we come up with is greater life. Yeah. His life is the period between the call for the prayer and the prayer which is the janaza prayer that will be the last thing and then he's very take take the baby and start reciting Yes. Right right. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Not loudly because you don't want to baby go down. Yes. Yeah. So gently recite the comma. Then what happens from there? What are the major steps? If on the seventh day seven day the prophet SAW Selim recommended many summoners
calling giving him the name and the seven day Yeah, maybe you already chose the name but officially you choose it on the seventh day so you have until the seventh day to choose if you haven't already Yeah, okay. you shave the hair and you give in charity. The weight of that hair do you have to do it by the seventh? I heard that was more you can do it on others and it has to be by the seven well this is the sooner it is not mandatory but this is the summit again everything has wisdom behind it. Now you you give in charity on his behalf Okay, so shaving the head on the seventh day Yeah, let's say the His hair is it is the is the head still a little soft on top? You know, the baby says it
will be fine. I mean people It has been done for a long time and people know how to do it of course they don't want to hurt your baby weed. Someone should the mother your daughter. Oh no, you want someone who's expert and I don't want you to do it. Yeah, although I know some people they did it with with the razor with the with the shaving machine and they were talking about now the kicker was a kicker mean the active car this is another thing also what does it mean that on the seventh day here, this is the the the sheep or the animal that is slaughtered
for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala. And the prophet SAW certainly committed to two sheep, two sheep if the baby born was was male boy and one sheep if the bone was female, yeah. So we got the shaving of the head. The name How about the circumcision, circumcision also on the same day,
On the same day on the same day on the seventh also nowadays do well they don't. Can they do it right on the spot when a baby's born out is not actually the hospital? They do it right away, don't they? Can they are you should Yeah. Should you wait for the seven it doesn't matter? Well, whatever is healthier the the object is to have the circumcision. Okay, moving along, because we don't have too much. Yeah, go ahead. Again, it is a long issue of anything. Yeah, we'll just hit the major points. Okay. So now we have the kicker. And you provide some people over and you have a nice little Hello fun. Yeah. Okay, some dessert. This is on the seventh day. Okay, after this. Now, let's skip
over fast forward a little bit of what goes next. Let's let's, let's go from that time to the age six, seven. What are we doing until then? Well, again, what do you want from your child? What do you want him to? Do? We want this child to grow up a righteous child. Okay. Why? That's the question because we want this child to be one that is obedient to his creator, that is going to be obedient to his family, and he's going to be play an important role in helping society benefiting the society. Well, Allah subhanaw taala related to us in the Quran, the story of Miriam yes with her mother, when her mother was pregnant with her, and she prayed to Allah subhanaw taala, to grant her
a righteous son to worship Allah subhanaw taala and to serve in Jerusalem, and beta macness when she delivered a baby girl, she was disappointed thinking that the baby girl would not be able to do that service. But because of her sincere intention, Allah subhanaw taala made that girl that was born the mother of a prophet of a Sally Sara. So again, it is important for the parents to know what do they want from the child? Many times you ask the parents What do you want from your child and he tells you I want him to become a doctor. Fine. That's that's good thing. Why? Because he will make lots of money or because he will he will help people getting the medication or because he will be better
servant to Allah subhanaw taala the mother of phenomenal mojari Rahim Allah He lost his IV his vision when he was in his childhood when he was very young. And she prayed to Allah subhanaw taala to grant him back the vision. Why? Because she wanted him to serve Islam not because no one will marry him. No, no lady will marry him because he's blind. And Allah subhanaw taala sent Ibrahim alayhi salam to her when she was dreaming. And she saw him and he told her Allah subhanaw taala gave back the vision. So this is the kind of son we want the righteous son, you and these these will come second third, the doctor these titles Yes, you have to have the intention. And you will struggle a
little bit in education in raising up the child. But you need to know what do you want from your child. The prophet SAW Selim he used to recite the car for protection, title kursi whenever your child sleeps, actually the prophets I send them told the parents to hold their children little bit before matter of time, because that's the time when the shouting are spreading out. So you need this time to protect your children. You need to decide for them they are the prophets I seldom used to bring Hassan and Hussein his grandchildren and he used to recite the vicar or if the commander Kalamata Allah, Hi, Tom. I seek refuge with Allah subhanaw taala with the perfect words of
philosophy of Allah for you, from every evil and every poisonous thing and coolly Shivani Mohammed woman Kalyani Lama, after he prayed to Allah subhanaw taala this draft for them, he told them, your father Ibrahim, and he used to do the same thing with his children. So it is not really a new thing. It is something that was happening long time ago, but maybe we lost track. So at
from that age, constantly making dua again, more supplication reciting Quran you mentioned a couple it because it can add the protection when they wake up in the morning. Do they decide that law? Oh, you said holding them? Specifically, yeah, around negative time Yeah, before my laptop or before my time, you should keep them because you don't know what will happen. Maybe the devils The shayateen will will harm them. And you don't want that to happen, then the tomography is over. Yeah. So until the sunset until the saucer, then you are building the personality of the child, what kind of personality you want him to have. Because many times there is there is a fight and children fight
with each other with the neighbors. And you want every time your child to beat the other children Why? You want to build his personality. You want him to be a righteous person. You want him to be a doctor, anything.
Studies show that the child or the human being gets most of his education inside his family. Once he's seven years old, most of his personality is built. So it is actually the responsibility of the father and the mother at that age. Statistics also show that every single parent, usually it is the mother who's raising up the child. If the father is away, over 70% of that child will have a criminal action
Look at prisoners. Studies show that over 70% of those prisoners, they were raised up by the mother on they did not have a father. So you as a father, your presence in the house helps the child. So one instruction for the parents to spend some time with children. You look at at people and studies show that the average American father spends weekly, weekly, only half an hour almost. You don't spend time