Channel: Hussain Yee
Series: Hussain Yee - Night Kalam
Episode 7 – Polygamy! – Night Kalam
The episode that will probably be the most controversial from our Night Kalam series, an episode on POLYGAMY. In this episode, Sheikh Hussain Yee and Sheikh Muhammad Al-Jibaly will be addressing the misconceptions men and women have regarding polygamy, the pros and cons of polygamy, the right way to go about it and many more InshaaAllah!
December 2, 2016
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We are not wrong V shaped
values who can correct us is that in a family, I think when they start to build a family, most of us Alhamdulillah do have a good beginning.
But then the test will come, especially for the sisters, normally this is for the sisters, not the brothers is about when there is a sign that the man is going to go for a second one, where you call as Polycom in in Islam, this word is a very sacred kind of,
of x, something is very constructive in because it's been proven by Prophet Mohammed salah and also the early generations before Prophet Muhammad known. If you go back to history, there is no limit in the men marrying
just one or wife or maybe more than that. But Islam is here to limit it. But now we have an issue that people are not sure whether polygamy is something good. But generally people disagree with polygamy. Even we Muslim, said, of course, based on our feeling, we would not agree. But if Allah have said that this is allowed, then I believe we'll have to learn and understand how to go about it, to practice polygamy where the polygamy is beneficial for the family, for the wife, or for the husband, normally, in our tradition, we talk about polygamy, the men will start to feel good, no, they, they are small. They liked this topic. But the opposite side, their sisters will be very
upset. Even this thing is allowed in Islam. But normally the reaction from both party defense, one was small, and the other would feel very insecure. So we would like to also talk about this issue to make sure that we have the right understanding about what is polygamy in Islam?
So maybe she can just try to add a bit whether is it good for the family, when men have the intention to practice polygamy?
Well, I mean, like usually for saying, I've mentioned that
it is a subject which is misunderstood, mishandle often. And it is it brings feelings of insecurity to the woman. But, you know, looking deeper into this subject, we realize that polygamy places a
larger and heavier burden on the shoulders of the man than the woman.
And therefore, the man who you know, before getting into polygamy before marrying another woman, talks about it, jokingly, like many brothers do, one he feels when he Madison's second wife and he feel the heat, he realizes that he got into a lot of difficulties by that and there is much more responsibility for him, instead of being responsible for one family is responsible now for two, two wives, other children, and to be able to act fairly with them, and so on. Whereas for the woman, even though when she hears about polygamy, she becomes
displeased and unhappy. Even if it is said jokingly, but once she actually
gets into a situation where she has a co wife, she realizes that actually, she has less problems than before because her husband is spending some of his time that he probably would have otherwise used to bother her. He's spending it on somewhere else and in a lawful manner.
And maybe she gets an extended family so if she has good terms with the other wife, then they become like loving sisters. They will help each other in raising the extended family together. And no wonder that Allah azza wa jal allow this because it is
More for the benefit of the woman than for the benefit of the man. But the overall picture, it is of benefit for all people for all of humanity.
And we do not want to get into cases where you know, there is a scarcity of men and the number of women and additional number of women, and that in that case,
polygamy becomes inevitable. Otherwise, he or neither will be so many widows and so many
unmarried women who get into old age without husbands. So, there are many other reasons why polygamy is of benefit doesn't mean that every person has to consider polygamy, because it is for specific people, for people who are able to handle the responsibility, financially and physically. And mentally, psychologically, there are so many requirements for polygamy, and not every man can handle it, and not every society can accept it. So if the conditions are good for it, then by all means, because it is allowed by Allah subhanaw taala. Do you think, Shama and Maddie that the reason that majority of the sister don't feel
good or secure about polygamy is because this thing is something so constructive? If you go back to the history of Islam in the time of the Prophet, the companion, but it's been very destructive later on, because the men just think of getting married more than one, two or three, but they do not carry out their responsibility properly. This crate of fitna to the sisters and to the children. Do you think because of that, that most of the sister disagree or do not approve polygamy? Yeah, definitely. I mean, that has to be one of the reasons. And the mishandling of any practice in Islam
leads to misconceptions about it and makes people think that it is not good and it's not for them and so on. If people handle everything that is instructed in Islam in a proper manner,
everybody will be happy, but and this is an example you know, polygamy it is mishandled and abused by some men. So they, they think that polygamy means only that he will have the opportunity of enjoying more than one woman. But it is not the enjoyment that it is that is sought after. It is actually what he should seek is to establish a family or families that are obedient to Allah subhanho wa Taala and many men,
and sadly enough to not have this kind of thought in their mind because they are ignorant about Islamic principles. So they abused their family, they abused their wives. And maybe in that case, this is one reason that the woman would dislike polygamy because they realize that when their husband marries another woman, he will be deserting air, he will be unfair to her, she will be sharing him with her in an unfair manner and so on. So she, it is obvious that you dislike it. I know on the other hand cases where women encourage their husbands to marry another wife and
one or more stories that I heard correct stories true stories about were about women who were wealthy or they paid their husbands some monies to go out and find another woman or they selected another woman for him to marry.
That means that polygamy is not just
entertaining our desire and towards the other party, but it's more of a responsibility, you know, where majority of the men fail to understand and the importance of being responsibility towards everybody towards the First Family, the children, then the extended family again,
but there is an add the new issues coming up lately. Like what you just said earlier, that sometimes they are woman who, who are financially very strong, they don't mind the thing is good, is healthy, it can bring a lot of goodness to the family that she will recommend and she will support the husband, the medic and other sisters, even that she will also financially know
support them to do that. Now this is where in today's world, a lot of sisters, we know that a lot of sister they are very Korea woman. And financially, they're very, very strong Alhamdulillah. And what they need is just to have a husband, whether the husband have time with them or not. To the extent I think that's a term use the VCR, there was Michelle, that that woman don't need any financial support from the men. And in return she is supporting, and just she wants to have so called her husband so that the society know that she is a married woman. What do you think about that kind of arrangement is that also something very healthy for the man or the woman also should be very wise to
do something that may help the whole family or it may also destroy the family because the husband now felt that no, I don't have to support the wives. So I just know carry on with my life without having the responsibility of supporting the family now.
Well, I mean, it is in concept It is something very good but like other concepts and other
permissible things in Islam, they are often abused. And, for example, a man would go and marry another woman and what they call car marriage, privately secretly, without his other wife knowing about it. And then when this is discovered, later on, it will cause a lot of bad feelings with the first wife and the second wife.
So, whenever a practice is mishandled, as I said earlier, this will lead to
two problems. And these problems can affect more than one person it can affect in this case,
to at least three persons, and if they have children there is it will affect even the children. So as for you know, a woman relinquishing the requirement of Africa or support from the man, she has the right to do so. And we know that in the case of
soda rhodiola Juana, the wife of the prophet SAW a lot is the second wife, because he married her after she was the first woman he married after Khadija. And then soon after that he married Ayesha. So So the rhodiola Anna was an older woman when he married there. And she was afraid that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam would not keep her as wife. So she only felt that she wanted a husband, and especially the Prophet sallallahu Sallam the best possible husband. So she agreed, and she proposed to him to give up her share of his visitation, his fate with her, her knights, give that to Ayesha, his young bride.
So that was the conditions that he keeps her. And he agreed sort of on itself. So she remained as one of our mothers, the mothers of the one of the mothers of the believers, even though she gave up her right for spending some nights of the week with her. So a woman is allowed to do that. And it's permissible for the husband to accept that Jani. If the woman wants to give up some of her rights, like, you know, support, financial support, and she says, I don't need money, I have money, but I just need a husband, I need a husband to face the security of being married to a man and also to have a child or two and so on. So, that is perfectly acceptable, but it should be it should be done
in a transparent manner in a not secretly privately but she should they should make it open and he should his wife, his first wife should know. So that there should there wouldn't be problems. What do we think that we should advise family? Normally, in the case that you look at the reality today, that majority of the men who practice polygamy, they do not really want to inform the first why, first? Why? Because seeking information, permission or telling the is like, no, you're going to war and no, they know that.
The wife will not agree. So if you expose to them, that means you're going to start a war from the early stage. So a lot of men sometimes take the other way that they were just
Do what they think to make it halau. And then later on, they tried to share it with the wild, they will later on or whatever come to find out what happened. And then they find that is better, that is easier for them to handle that situation. So, and we also know that majority of the people, if I'm to my humble experiences that people are looking for the second one is because they have some problem in the intimacy, because the wife is starting to have children, and then it's busy taking care of the children, the upbringing of children, she's very tired, and the husband don't really understand the function of the wife. She just won what he wants, and then if the wives just cannot
entertain him, that's where they start to have this kind of thinking, no. So what would be your last comment on this issue?
Well, I mean, still, I would say that transparency should take a reference now.
And even though it would be very difficult in the beginning to convince the first wife, but it is much better to face that situation than, than to face it later down the road after a secret marriage that becomes exposed and makes the first only the first wife will never forgive the man for betraying her because it is a kind of betrayal. Because, you know, she has a cert when she is the only wife, she has certain rights such as that he would
sleep with her every night nanny sleep in her house, not necessarily have intercourse but at least sleep together, or in the same house every night. And when when he he would either miss some nights unexplainably or he would be unfair to the second wife by not sleeping with her now and dividing his nights between the two. And so this will lead to unfairness. And once on one side or the other or both. And if this happens, then this means that the family unit is mishandled. And if the family unit is mishandled, then the fruits that we talked about in the beginning will not come out, neither to the family nor to the outside people or other maybe some thought and will appear here and there.
And there'll be more harm than good for everyone. So so one should, yeah, and he would be if he wants to marry another woman, he should be man enough to
declare this to the first wife and to tell her look, I have to have a second wife, and you have to accept it or not. And I have the reasons for it. And I have the ability to do it, and call us I'm gonna do it. So if this is handled like this inshallah, it would be it will be hard in the beginning, but it will not lead to much less problems later on hamdulillah inshallah, I think it's very important for our fellow Muslim families, where they is the main demand are the wife or husband or the wife, that we should have the right intention, I think important, what, whatever we want to do in life is our intention that we are doing for the sake of a law Yeah, to take up the
responsibility in the proper manner, that we do not create fitna to the great Sunnah of the Prophet somos salam, and we couldn't fit to our own family. So we believe that may Allah Allah Allah means strengthen the man of all our Muslim brothers and sisters, and make everybody understand their role, their responsibility to safeguard this oma and to protect our families so that inshallah we be able to, to respond to the Ayat of Allah, Allah, Xena hamanako and for sakumo alikum narrow, that we have a responsibility to save our family, ourselves, and our immediate family, from
Hellfire from destruction from anything that will cause a lot of problem to the family and to the community. I think a lot of people I mean, help this oma and help us to understand the hikma and the importance of our duty towards each other as husband and wife. So May Allah blessed us May Allah guide all of us and then give us the best in for what we want in this life in the hereafter. Display we always pray Rabbana it enters into your house and fill up the house and the donkey nose up and now we are lucky for success happiness in this life and associate
success and happiness in the next life and CFOs from the common to have fire. So the other restless Armenia admin, or billetto, Shakira that one now what hum did Allah Allah
Subhana Allah to Allah Allah Allah and destitute or to boil it? salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.