Hussain Kamani – Islamic Manners #09

Hussain Kamani
AI: Summary © The importance of manners in Islam is discussed, including respecting elderly and giving people the best seat and being prepared for leadership positions. The speakers stress the need for learning to stay quiet and observe in publicity, avoiding negative consequences, and building courage to speak the truth. The importance of respect for older individuals is emphasized, and the balancing act of encouraging young people to lead and lead forward is emphasized. The speakers also discuss the negative impact of missing out on opportunities and the importance of being a good person in one's life.
AI: Transcript ©
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He woke up and said, I'm gonna

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also say he

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was having a bad

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day today inshallah we continue with our study of shriveled up

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daughters work of Islam, Islamic members.

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Those are the services

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that you make

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on their site, which is important when the

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loss of a lot more medical

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evidence supporting this manner, in addition to the issue mentioned above is illustrated in

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some of those cited below, in numbers

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reported in

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chapter, the manner and

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that is

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to say, whenever we were ready to deal with the loss of a loved one,

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he would not stop

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until we reach for it to emphasize the importance of manners.

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That has

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been cited as

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the largest collection of the hype. And you're loaded an entire chapter to the subject in title the chapter respecting scholars, the elderly dignitaries, and giving the president the best seat and acknowledging their array of lost expendable data sets in the poor. Who

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are those who know, to those who don't know, it is only understanding that received admission. So you

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stated that the civil Muslim alumni who have said upset those who are invested at reciting

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the law, if they are equal than those who are well versed in the selection, if they are equal, then a person integrated earlier

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be eliminated at the same time, then the elders should be.

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So even in the surrogate of your lower reported that was most

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upset by your wives and the ones standing close to me and so on, then those that are lower than that,

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and then those that are lower than that they rankings, so on, the single most of them said this, right.

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So it would have

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said, after the Battle of

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loss on the level, it was very useful martyrs at a time in a single grade, he would ask, which to memorize more important upon being born as it was the single most some of it was said that when laying down first

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and foremost stated, that was all of us on one level, it was an upset, I jumped, I was brushing my teeth when they miss squat. When two men approached me, I handed them a swag to the younger, but I was instructed to hand it to the elder accordingly, I can give it to the elbow.

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So you've

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stated that assuming loss of low level either use a certain set

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of pays homage to a large in the diner, is to respect an elderly person whose hair has turned gray and half of

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who is neither too strict or too lacks with regard to it, and he just

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he should be left alone and he countered that a beggar stop by

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white, so you cannot you shouldn't be in the home and she gave him a piece of paper, and another time before the dress while the man passed by her. She let him sit and do what asked about that she replied

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to local I, a set of said treat people according to their status.

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attractors requested by the

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demand level Peter hammelmann luck

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included this chapter by citing a heavy as reported by

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who said, though I was a young child, at the time of loss of a loved one even to send them, I used to listen to what he said and memorize it. nothing prevents me from narrating my knowledge, except the presence of men.

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So here in this rather lengthier chapter, shall have the footer of

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data, where it's a bunch of narrations establishing that when you interact with people, be sure to respect those that are elderly. When you enter into a room, when you enter into the message, when you go to a gathering, you should scope out the people who seem to be seniors, and ensure that during any interaction that you have with them, that you give them extra other and you give them extra respect. He cites many iterations of this little lesson alone, even centimeters the Prophet of Allah instructed the companions that when you gather for prayer, if there is not an appointed Imam, then make sure the elder is the one who needs he is the one that has the most rights. Similarly, the

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Sahaba they say, decided the narration of however many amount of your loved one,

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that when we would sit to eat with Rasulullah, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, no one would eat, no one would touch the food until the Prophet of Allah ate first. This was the other

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people will say that, you know, but you're on the right, you should go first. And I know there's a never ending debate. That is the one who goes in the right first is that the elderly that goes first.

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I always say if I ever go to a gathering, and there's someone elderly telling me to go ahead, because I'm standing on their right, that I don't mind going if you instruct me to, because that's also an instruction of a sort of loss. And a lot of it was set up to give preference to that which is on the road. Yet I feel ashamed to stand in front of you because you're male, you're senior, I would feel like I did something wrong. If I went ahead if, if you insist, and that's another story. That's why when we're in gatherings when we're with people, even when it comes to sharing our opinion on matters, he said he shared the narration at the end of someone I've been Jim's rhodiola

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one that he says that when I was with Rasulullah sallallahu, it was sent him I was a young Sahabi. And I had phenomenal memory. And when I saw the loss of a loved one he was sitting with speak, I would memorize these. Yet, when it came to near reading heavy, I would not share because I knew that there were more seniors who were worthy of speaking, I will still very young.

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In our community, we have this balancing act that we have to play. One is that we should definitely encourage young folks to be ready for leadership positions because one day they will be the leaders of our community. We should encourage them, motivate them lead them forward. But they must always remember that this is a training exercise. As for the actual position of imama. Actual as for the actual position of giving the Adhan as for the actual position of leadership, this should be held by the seniors. In one narration as to the loss of a loved one he was sitting for told the companions that our time will come that the young will rule over you.

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The young folks will come and they will rule over you and they will cause tremendous havoc. And it's possible, as some historians and also happy to say that it's very possible to sort of last a lot while he was setting was referring to the the leaders from Romania. But this is something that could be applied to many of the different empires that came and went because when the young came in, they were very hot blooded and very excited. And even though they had knowledge, not all of them had a wisdom that comes with age, calmness and wisdom. And that's why when you hear someone more senior saying to you that I know that you have a lot of energy and you feel like you figured out the world,

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but take it from a wise person. And many of us have that moment shut off because we think what is this person going to say to me, that could really amount to anything meaningful. They don't know the world that I live in, they don't understand modern day finances. They don't understand this. They don't understand that it's easy for us to poke holes because the mind Allah some kind of what that I gave the human being an outcome and the outcome is so sharp. You can poke holes with your iPhone or anything. There is nothing in this dunya that you can't poke holes with your iPhone. You can make fun of anything, you can carry anything apart with your eye. But there comes a point where you stop

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fighting just for the sake of fighting and you actually did start listening. So what is this person saying, in my life, sitting with people who were generally older than I was was something that

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benefited me so much when I was a kid, and we would go to a gathering

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when I was young, and if we went to a place where there were two sittings, one was for the younger folks, that second was for the more senior elder uncles in the community, I would try to sit with that gathering a lot of the things they said, I wouldn't understand. But I would just observe them and see how they spoke to them. I would sit there and look at how they took turns and how they, how they were eloquent in presenting their points. And, you know, sometimes they got heated and how they handled that conflict, and how sometimes they weren't able to

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able to handle the conflict. It was an opportunity for me as a teenager to observe this very carefully. When I was young, in particular, in my late teenage years, I would go to gatherings where there would be senior scholars and I would sit in the corner and just observe them, just look at them from far away. How do they eat? How do they talk to people? How do they sit.

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And it was, it was as if there was an opportunity to absorb years and decades of these individuals lives just by looking at them.

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But all of this can only happen if number one, the young ones in our community have ROM and other for the seniors, they're willing to concede and accept that I have learning to do. Because in shaba, you have junoon, when a person is young, they have crazy, they think that they're above the world, there's nothing that someone can say to me that will outperform what I already know.

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So you have to humble yourself a little. And then the second thing is you need to learn to stay quiet and observe. And look, I know it's common for many of you and myself. When we deal with our parents, we quickly shun them out. Because in our mind, there is this thought that mom and dad are always just after me, they're trying to take away my freedom. They're trying to take away my liberty, they're just always pushing me down, making my life miserable and making it hard. They don't understand me, they don't get me. And on top of that in the world, and society, we live in rebelling against your parents and telling them they're old and telling them to get out of your life

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is actually the hip very cool thing to do. It's a step of liberty, you get to go tell your friends that I told my mom and dad to get out of my life. And that's the only reason you did that. Wow, that's so awesome. I aspire to be like you. If you need a place to stay, come and stay with me. Like that whole concept is so so supported. And it's unhealthy. Look, if someone is in a situation where their parents are actually doing well on them, they're oppressing them. That's a whole different situation. I'm not talking about that. I'm speaking of just that. The general disputes that are occurring at home, the general moments of tidy where someone reprimands you and hold you accountable

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for not this is a part of life, everyone has this in their life. And if you're trying to run away from that, and find some utopia where this doesn't exist, you're going to run for the rest of your life. You have to buckle down and stop and listen. And it's very much understandable that with all the years of your parents telling you this and telling you that for many folks

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a point comes in their life where the one thing they know is that my parents are just annoying

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that I'm done with them. So if your parents say something, you shun it, and you close your ears, but if someone else says the very same thing you say Wow, look at that wisdom. Because why is that person is did you hear shift so and so on his two minute video clip on YouTube, he said something so inspiring. And the dad sitting there thinking out I've been telling you that for years, but obviously I don't have the cool factor so you know listen.

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well suited Lawson Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, wisdom is the last property of the believer

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of hikma to Barnett.

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Wisdom is the last property of the believer.

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He takes it wherever he finds.

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At times, you have to put your emotions aside and just listen. Listen to what someone else is saying. Listening doesn't mean you have to obey. Just listen sincerely. How about we start there, that you put your anger aside all the frustration aside, just open your ears, be sincere and just listen to what that other person is saying. If you're not willing to listen, when someone speaks, most likely the problem isn't with what they're saying. The problem is with you and your ego. You're not having the ability to humble yourself and just listen to what this person has to say. Any person. So that's what that's with parents. Now. Beyond that shuffle the fact that over data,

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hummelo data specifically addresses the issue when it comes to scholars, that when you're dealing with scholars, be respectful, you know, try not to raise your voice when you're sitting with people who are senior. We see this in the Quran, Allah subhanho wa Taala says to the companions, that are far smarter from focus out and when I tell her Allah who will only become irrelevant when

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You speak to your friends,

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you raise your voice a little, you get a little confrontational, a little competitive. Sometimes you get too aggressive. that's acceptable, because at the end of the day, you're with your friends, right. And that's normal that happens with siblings, that happens with people who are peers. But when you're talking with seniors, you have to learn to change your tone.

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You know, in the world that we live in, when you see sometimes how young people comment on posts, on social media made by elderly folks, they're just flexing, the young people are just flexing, and they're just, they're just almost desecrating the honor of that individual that they're arguing with not understanding that this is a senior person, this is the way they view the world. And these are some realities that are necessary for them. So there's no need to argue, debate and become disrespectful. Let it go. When you talk to someone, you look at the person's age, right. And if that person is someone, you know, a little older than you should know that this is the end of the

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conversation, I'm going to mention my point, and I'll walk away. There's no need to disrespect someone and go all out and you know, almost desecrate their honor. This isn't right, this is wrong. So when you're talking with people that are more senior to you, scholars, Allah subhanaw taala tells us in the context of the Sahaba interacting with a pseudo Lhasa, a lot of them that don't raise your voice above them. Now, this doesn't mean that you can't engage with them. Someone says something you have a question, you don't agree, you agree, you can log that stuff. I'm not talking about that. What I'm saying is that when you talk though, you have to learn to lower your voice, talk

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respectfully. I say to my children at home all the time, that look better. If you can't correct me and something that you think is wrong, then I have failed you as a parent, I need you to tell me I need you to come up to me develop the courage stand in front of me. And then say to me about I think this was wrong. Discipline my brother, I think it was incorrect. Speak to show me your courage, but you'll need to do it with other

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because I can't be a better father unless you teach me how to be a better father. So I'm going to need that feedback from you. But you're gonna have to do it. But

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you're gonna have to learn to speak to someone who is senior to you, and voice yourself with a lot of other.

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So one day he didn't one day, I was reprimanding one of the

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younger boys for something he did. And my older son, he very slowly stepped forward, half step at a time. And he was looking down. And I said, Well, how much Galois what happened. And then he came very close to my ear, and he whispered in my ear, he said, about You're being too rough.

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And I disagree with him, but I can see it, because I appreciated his dominance up, and the courage that it took for him to come forward and speak his heart. So Iran and respecting your seniors doesn't mean that you stand there by the side while someone does wrong and do nothing about it. That's not at all.

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That's wrong.

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We will need to teach our young folks to build courage to speak the truth. But with with proper respect and honor, the issue is that we have elders who are leading our community, and young folks who come and they're just disrespectful when they speak to the seniors. I've heard people saying smell hears, you know, young folks who are doing youth calipers in the massage that you know, we have to replace the seniors in our machine and get them off the machine. Of course, is this a word of speech? Is this how you should talk? Many people don't say it, but they're thinking. These are the elders in our community who went through much difficult times than we can imagine, because

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they've been working on these messages and working in our communities for decades. Is there a need for growth in our communities, of course, there's always a need for growth, and we should accept that. But in order for you to be a contributor, you need to understand that you can't walk in, say 10 things with a loud voice and walk out and expect the world to bow in front of you. That level of entitlement won't work, and it won't get you far in life. You have to work with people, be humble, be a part of the system, join them, let them know that you're one of theirs, you're not just there to berate them.

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So that you know when you talk to people, well it's also a smarter to focus on the Navy.

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Similarly, when you go to the grave of a sort of loss of a loved one, he was cinnamon till today, there is an I have to put on engrave right before right on top of the grave and the use of medicine. Anyone know which is

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in the DNA of avora swatter home in the rasulillah

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ecology and I'm Johanna la Luba

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are indeed those who your doula swadharma lower their voices in Dar Sula, on the with the Messenger of Allah. Well, now he can let you know

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what these are people who are losses we test

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to their hearts, to see if there's any thought or consciousness there or not.

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Now we look at another other.

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By the way, these raise these two is that I quoted and also the opening verse of the surah which brings another other but that other I believe is more hospitable pseudolus

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la Takagi mobila de la Eros fully, that don't even step ahead of them, don't even go ahead of them. And when I look at this is not just a matter of physically being ahead of them, but intellectually putting yourself above them. When it comes to Allah that's different when it comes to the sort of law that's different because of the sort of law speaks from a place of Revelation. So you must Humble yourself even with when someone says Kama Sutra law or pod Allah that Allah said this, or sort of Lhasa, Islam says that we go to another place in the Quran. Allah subhanho wa Taala teaches us, Adam for the seniors and for those that are in higher positions. He says Allah, Allah rosu the

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Vayner comm kawaii bada boom Baba, don't go out and call the prophet like you call out one another. How are you doing? Some of how are you doing? full on how are you doing?

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So Lata Janu da su de beynac cuca driver. Don't call him Don't say yeah, Muhammad. Don't call him by his name. He is a messenger of Allah, when you addressing you will say asuma Nabila. And as for the narrations that you find that people calling the reset a lot instead of Muhammad. In most of those situations, it was people who are Bedouins, or those who are not acquainted with the proper of of interacting with a sort of loss of a loved one.

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You see the Sahaba waterlogging, it was mine has such a ROM for a sort of loss that alone.

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You know, one time as a hobby saw another companion interacting with someone and he asked him to argue the two of you related. He said yes, this person that I'm interacting with is my father. Then he gave him something he said to him, let me tell you how to interact with your father. First of all, don't raise your voice about his lower your voice, don't shout in front of your parents, and all the shouting that you do with your parents. And in some cases, my voice trembles just to say this. In some cases, there are situations where people actually push their parents, they hit their parents, they kick them out.

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I mean, Allah protect us from ever doing such a thing. And if someone has ever done this, you should cry 100 times and parents are alive and beg for forgiveness and kista for help, and ask them to offer you.

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But when you look at these things, people being disrespectful with their elders, scholars or people senior to them, you know,

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it doesn't end well.

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guys understand what I'm saying. It doesn't end well.

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And the other you know, one of my teachers used to say unlucky on deadhead and Danny, that sometimes Allah subhanaw taala. And then you may lucky I did, which means that a lot smarter than me give you despite just continue, well, I'm Lila home in the Katy machine, and they're in a healing. Don't think that Allah subhanho wa Taala doesn't know what's going on. Allah knows what you're doing. And you will be held accountable either in this dunya or the year after. But the second thing is that people who unfortunately were disrespectful with their seniors, specifically their parents, and they outlive their parents, when their parents left the dunya.

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You know, you talk to them and their hearts hurt. For every time they were out of line, when speaking with their parents or speaking with their seniors or speaking with their elders.

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My teacher,

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Chef, he said to me once, he said that those who do those who are respectful to their elders, and those who take care of their seniors, but I have seen in my life is Allah some kind of whatnot takes care of the 30 of their children.

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And I've been touching about this, by the way, this is Magento. Magento means I think I've experienced this firsthand. Because when I look at my own upbringing, my parents weren't necessarily by my side for almost 15 years because I was a mother. So when a person's alone studying for 15 years, you know, in some across some ocean in some faraway country, the possibilities of things going wrong with 30 are very high. The probability is very high, the possibilities are everywhere. And I always asked myself that without my parents, everything that I went through, what was it that kept me up,

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I realized that the one thing that my parents always did was acted on for seniors,

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always respecting the elders. I remember I remember my mother as a child, when she was alive, we'd go to community parties or community gatherings, and everyone would kind of be together sitting on one side, and my mother would usually be the one who was sitting with the eldest Auntie, there on the side, the one that came on a walker, the one that came on, you know, on some wheelchair, she was the one that would be sitting with that.

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person sitting and getting them through it and talking to them and getting their flaws. You know,

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then not only that what scholars, my father, he had a policy, two things that my father had a policy first thing was that if any Muslim was passing by we had a motel. So anytime a Muslim would pass by, he wouldn't charge them to stay. He would say a Muslim is here, we won't charge them, we'll give them for free. And then the second thing, and I'll come back to that first point later on, the second thing was my father had an agreement with and I'm not encouraging this, I'm not saying you should actually do this now. But I think about it retrospectively, it was very dangerous. But nonetheless, it was a policy of his life, that they had an agreement with the local police station.

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My father, he said to them that if there are any inmates who are released from prison, if they have nowhere to stay, I'll give them two nights for free. They can come and stay with us for two nights. And we will provide food for them, and they can stay with us. So this was normal every two weeks, the officer would bring someone in, he said, This person is coming because he has nowhere to go. So then my mother would give them a room and she would then give us food and say go give it to them. Now that I think about it all

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seems to be much more creepier than it was at that time. But

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now when it came to the Muslim thing,

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always did you know, of one, and seniors that came.

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I remember once my father told me a story. He said to me

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that one night, late at night, someone came to the hotel to get a room. It was like maybe past midnight. I don't think I've ever shared the story publicly before. So this is something that I'll share with you guys today. So my father said that one night someone came to the hotel late at night past midnight.

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And it was a group of Muslims.

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And they had these three, four of them. They had these beards and they and he said, What are you guys doing it? The weather was very bad outside. They said, Well, we were driving to Chicago. The weather was bad. So we took an exit. And this is the first face that we saw. So we stopped here. So my father was very happy that they called them inside, he made food for them. And then give them a room and they were in the room. And you know how religious people are. They go over the top of toilet paper.

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So one of them plumbed the toilet.

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And they were trying to fix it and they made a bigger mess. So maybe one or two o'clock at night, they called my father on the sofa, my father, we need to have some father when he cleaned everything up. And then he was sitting with them. And they asked my father, so what are you doing in Kentucky? So he told his whole story, share the story of my mother's conversion to style and everything.

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So one of those people

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that was there, he said to my father,

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I teach at an Islamic institution.

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And you said that your son's memorizing the Quran.

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When your son graduates from his hip, I'd like for you to send him to me and come down to come study with me.

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My father, he took it to heart and said okay, well Shall

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I finished memorizing the Quran.

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And I ended up going to England to study at the very same madrasa.

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And I was honored to sit in shift Vilas class and studied. He's the one who I quoted a few moments ago, he was the one that came up with the hotel in Kentucky. And it was a blessing from Allah that my father remembered, and that that person stopped over in our hotel on a rainy night. And he invited me to join the mother. So at that time, I may have been maybe seven years old, eight years old. I was far away. But my father remembered and he said, I'm going to send it to his mother.

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And I went to England, he was one of the teachers and he was a student of physics.

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And I had the honor of studying with him. And he was with him for almost seven years benefiting from and I think of all of this, and it was a result of one person doing it that I'm up another person that this person has son. My father didn't necessarily have a beard, he wasn't so religiously inclined when he was young, but he knew that you always have to Rama vollum that he will honor my community.

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Whenever they reveal jamaats would come to our community.

00:29:21 --> 00:29:52

Again, our family, it wasn't true religious growing up, my mother didn't work the job for the most part for the earlier part of her life. But she would always say to us that when the news outlets come to go and tell them, wherever they're from that the food for you while you're here, it will be sent from our home. And all meals While they were there, whether they were there for 10 days, whether they were there for three days, my mother used to put three meals and send it with us that go and drop it off. Because for them, these were Muslims, these are pious Muslims. These are good Muslims. These are people who left their home and we're in the path of Allah, and they acknowledge

00:29:52 --> 00:29:55

that they couldn't do that in their life. But what they couldn't do was

00:29:56 --> 00:29:59

they can love those people and show respect to them.

00:30:01 --> 00:30:08

In prison, they have a saying about other bonuses. That means that a person who has

00:30:09 --> 00:30:46

proper manners and etiquettes when dealing with elders, and with people who are senior, Allah gives them a bonus. And that gives them a lot and opens up the doors. And they're the one who doesn't have this. Benicio is the one who those doors are then closed off. So I want to, I want each of you to reevaluate your life. And ask yourself that, in the years that you've lived in the people that you interact with, how much time do you have? Are you that person? Who when dinner's served, quickly grabs their food and begins to eat while mom is still pulling the food out? Are you the person who waits for your mother gives her food first, and then you eat?

00:30:47 --> 00:31:03

Right? That's the question. Do you go ahead? Or do you hold back? When you go to the shoe rack? Are you the person who takes your father's shoes and puts it on the ground before you put your own on? Are you the one who just put their shoes on runs outside and starts playing basketball while dad is still sorting his own out?

00:31:04 --> 00:31:14

Are you the one that gets in the car with the first opportunity to jump in? Or do you open the door and stand for your mother and father that you should go in first? And many of us think this whole thing is really awkward because if you know

00:31:15 --> 00:31:18

went to her mom and open up the door mom was like, What are you doing?

00:31:19 --> 00:31:22

Get inside, what are you holding the door for me? They'd be shocked.

00:31:25 --> 00:31:31

Because they're not used to that love. But we as Muslims, this is what we have. Other boys are being if the ROM is.

00:31:33 --> 00:31:50

I mean, I don't know if I should start sharing more examples or if this is enough, because if you want more examples, and I share the stories from the time of the Sahaba and from the time of Rasulullah sallallahu. I never sent him I kid you not it's never ending. It's never ending. Look at the life of Abu Bakr Siddiq of Yama, Juan and

00:31:52 --> 00:31:54

when they're doing hedgerow

00:31:55 --> 00:31:56

when they're doing

00:31:57 --> 00:31:58


00:32:01 --> 00:32:05

someone saw them, he approached Abubakar Cinco de la nueva.

00:32:06 --> 00:32:07

So he said Who is this guy with you?

00:32:10 --> 00:32:13

He had to identify Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, but he couldn't lose as

00:32:16 --> 00:32:19

he can to say this is a random person because that's disrespectful to this little lesson.

00:32:20 --> 00:32:34

So what does he have? Raja dunya Dini study. This is the person that guides me to the path, the person listening things that he's some navigator who's helping him get to Medina. In his mind, he's thinking this is the one that's taking religion

00:32:35 --> 00:32:35


00:32:37 --> 00:32:54

you know, so it's about everything when they arrive in Madina, munawwara and I'm not kidding you, I if I if I start these stories I'll never ended this will be the end of the session, but we'll just keep going with stories. Non Stop. If you look at the actor on the Sahaba for their seniors, they arrive in Medina Manoa

00:32:55 --> 00:33:01

people hadn't seen a suit of loss of Amman and some, some people begin to think that welcome was less than a month.

00:33:02 --> 00:33:31

They sort of gathered around and sitting around home on the beach, that a lot of sort of sitting there will focus to deal with your loved one couldn't handle that someone leaves a sort of lot sits around him. And neither do you want to say it because if he said it, then that would also be awkward. If he tells the people that I'm not the Prophet of Allah He is then that's awkward, too. So what does he do? He stands up, he takes a sheet and begins to shader. So the mastermind is making very clear to everyone there through his action, who is the hot demon who's the

00:33:32 --> 00:33:41

Who is the one serving and who's the one being served makes it very clear to hold the sheet opened. Now this is my place, the hadham of Rasulullah sallallahu.

00:33:44 --> 00:33:47

So we pray that Allah subhanho wa Taala gives us this stuff

00:33:48 --> 00:34:04

that we understand the ROM of our elders, and I started with parents. Keep that in mind. Because if you can respect all the elders of the world, and all the autumn of the world, that you can't respect your parents, you got it wrong. I have a have a, like a, like a problem here.

00:34:05 --> 00:34:24

Because I've also heard these stories, where a mother and father call them and say, Oh, my son is so respectful to his shift, but doesn't respect his parents at all. What kind of garbage is this? What kind of nonsense is this? Our Dean doesn't teach us that. There was a mother who once called me. And she said to me, that, you know, she says to me, come over.

00:34:25 --> 00:34:27

Bring your family, I've prepared a I prepared a meal.

00:34:29 --> 00:34:38

So I said to her, Auntie, it's a day I have family commitments. It's hard for me to come this evening. But they vary. So she said, No, I insist you have to come even for 10 minutes.

00:34:39 --> 00:34:46

So I said to my wife, okay, let's go visit her. So we went to this lady's house, we sat down, we were eating. She has so much food prepared so much food.

00:34:48 --> 00:34:55

And then while we were eating, I noticed she was crying. I said, tears in her eyes. And so what happened? She said movie sob. I didn't cook this food for you.

00:34:57 --> 00:34:59

I cook this food for my kids.

00:35:00 --> 00:35:05

But today morning, they all called me and they said that they won't be coming to visit me on either day, they rather they're going to go spend the day with their shift.

00:35:07 --> 00:35:12

And she said, I was alone at home and I had all this food and I felt sad. So I knew that I can call you and you'd come.

00:35:13 --> 00:35:15

And I said, Andi, I'll never turn on the party.

00:35:16 --> 00:35:18

If there's food involved me, I'll be there.

00:35:19 --> 00:35:38

But digitally, I'd like a heartbroken, what kind of, I use harsh words here, what kind of nonsense and garbage is this because they're the priorities are off. You start with doing other than that of your parents, the elders that are around you. And then your scholars in the Messiah, some teachers respect them too.

00:35:40 --> 00:35:48

Now, there is this narration narrated by mamoon. Then obesity, that Shahada tacos that I want to spend a few moments reflecting

00:35:49 --> 00:35:50

the narration

00:35:52 --> 00:35:55

is that he says that once a beggar came to say that

00:35:56 --> 00:35:57

I shattered the alarm on

00:35:59 --> 00:36:05

a person came to see the eyeshadow, viola Juana, and he was a poor person. So she gave him a dry piece of bread.

00:36:06 --> 00:36:30

Another person came in, he was dressed more properly, a little bit more well groomed, and he needed something to eat. So she offered him a full meal, had them sit down the noise, she asked, when she was asked, Why did you give that person dry bread and let him go, you didn't call him inside and didn't offer him the whole, you know, the whole service and this guy came in, he offered him the full service. So she said, I heard her sort of last along it was him saying unseen seminars, you know, right?

00:36:31 --> 00:36:33

Treat people according to their status.

00:36:36 --> 00:36:59

This is interesting, because for that person who was a beggar, who didn't have much, I should have the Allahu Ana understood that by her giving this person bread, all of that person's needs would be met, that person would be happy, they wouldn't feel disrespected, that person will be content. On the other hand, another person who comes and they're more respected, they have a, you know, higher sort of,

00:37:01 --> 00:37:32

maybe financial background, or maybe this person comes from a wealthier family, but there's still a need in that moment, that moment, their needs. If you just give them a dry piece of bread and dismiss them, that person will feel disrespected, they'll feel neglected. So I showed you Allah when I sing that for that person, I respected the person and gave to that person, according to what was appropriate. Could she have done more sure, how did she do more later on in her life and other points, of course, she didn't put on this moment, she satisfied that person's needs without being disrespectful. As for this person, if she does give that person one piece of bread and set them off

00:37:33 --> 00:37:40

that person, this second person would feel offended. And this is quite interesting, this this issue here. And I think it's profound that chef

00:37:41 --> 00:37:57

Dada brings his narration in the book, because it shows us that sometimes you may have the exact same situation, but two different people. And you may go to two different lengths to show your other to them. Does that make sense? Like for example,

00:37:59 --> 00:38:32

your parents may come over to this, you have your own home, your parents come over to visit you, you'll make maybe make them some tea, you have some food, you heat it up to offer it to them. Now on the other hand, you have some relatives from Pakistan or from abroad that are visiting you, you're not going to warm up food from last week and give it to them, you're going to make fresh fruit. And when they come in addition to the tea, you might offer some juice might offer some biscuits, you guys see this. Now this doesn't mean that you were disrespectful to the parent. Because for the parent, the based off of the relationship you have or you offered was proper other.

00:38:34 --> 00:38:53

And for this relative that's visiting you or this chair, that visiting you what you offer them as a proper if you offer this person less, that would have been wrong. And if you offer that person less, that would be considered law. So here now you begin to see that the boundaries and the limits of other are somewhat flexible.

00:38:54 --> 00:39:09

There needs to be a judgment call. You have to decide whether what you're doing in that moment is appropriate or not. And that's why when it comes to adapt, the best way to learn it isn't through books. It's through observing people with other as I mentioned to you guys in the introduction of this book,

00:39:10 --> 00:39:29

because you begin to see you get you have the opportunity to see how they interact with other people. And for those of you that are parents, you must go above and beyond teach your children of yourself when a parent says to their child that you don't have any other in reality, they're just pointing out the flaw and who

00:39:31 --> 00:39:48

themselves because if the child saw them, they would have other if the child didn't see any other than how would you expect them to have proper manners when dealing with your elder so I thought this narration that he puts is also a beautiful one. Go ahead.

00:39:52 --> 00:39:55

This will start according to the

00:39:58 --> 00:39:59

age normally shown

00:40:00 --> 00:40:02

So this movie like

00:40:06 --> 00:40:24

leadership, veterans of jihad, generosity of similar. Furthermore, the center of hospitality has to start with the most prominent, then to add to those on the Right, in order to reconcile the struct starting from the right.

00:40:26 --> 00:40:27

Starting to

00:40:28 --> 00:40:36

cover this issue in our last class, I mentioned the new idea and I said it's gonna come ahead, well, this is that new one, and I explained there so we're just going to read through it now.

00:40:38 --> 00:40:39

Some people

00:40:42 --> 00:40:45

claim that the cement is to start on the right

00:40:47 --> 00:40:49

they base this on those

00:40:50 --> 00:40:58

starting from the right, but this is only correct and those are all people have similar studies.

00:40:59 --> 00:41:16

In that case, the one on the right should be commenced. However, if one of them is distinguished with a merit such as gold, then assume that was to start with this person for this is a characteristic which warrants

00:41:18 --> 00:41:18

the man

00:41:19 --> 00:41:23

on the other side in his book and began with

00:41:26 --> 00:41:45

as a rule, if the status of President is equal, one should commence from those on the Right as with every desirable act, however, if a smaller and honorable person or an elder is present, the cinema is to start with

00:41:47 --> 00:42:04

then his or her right in a counter clockwise fashion. loss of a loved one it was offered milk mixes water, while embedment was sitting on his right and seated to his left was

00:42:07 --> 00:42:07


00:42:11 --> 00:42:13

insane from the right.

00:42:14 --> 00:42:49

Look at this, I shared this with you guys last week. Someone will say that Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam gave to the Bedouin on the right and did not give up abducting stick with your loved one, even though he was on the left. And if you were to look at the merit of the better one, and that will be considered Guardiola. One who has the higher rank abubaker. So it seems as if the rewire goes against Sheffield and photography, not for him. Because jack up the photo Buddha is saying that in a gathering, you always start with the most esteemed person and then go to there, right? So remember, someone was sitting on a bucket sit under a suit of lies left and someone was sitting on a

00:42:49 --> 00:42:49


00:42:50 --> 00:42:57

Can we establish that, therefore, when the person came with the milk to he give to the person on his right, or do they give to the sutala first?

00:42:58 --> 00:43:12

And was it a sort of law on his right? No, because nobody's listening to two people sitting next to him already. So that person knew that if he gave no to anyone in the gathering, without giving you the sort of love first, even though someone was already sitting on the profits, right or left, that would be so another.

00:43:13 --> 00:43:26

That's wrong. So what did he do? He gives him Zuma first. Now you give once you give it to the person who was most distinguished among the people, then they should go up there, right? All around the rest of the world.

00:43:27 --> 00:43:38

You guys are instead of zigzagging around, you don't zigzag around, okay, this person I'm going to give to them and not person next and not person. next note, you get to the most senior, and then you make your way around the right to the right other.

00:43:39 --> 00:43:40


00:43:49 --> 00:43:50

unless those right and

00:43:52 --> 00:43:53

this isn't

00:43:54 --> 00:43:55


00:43:57 --> 00:43:59

When he was with an older

00:44:01 --> 00:44:02


00:44:03 --> 00:44:09

was optimism after drinking, some of them it was sort of asked,

00:44:10 --> 00:44:22

Would you give me permission to pass it to those elderly ones on the left? The more you answer, why on one note, I would not favorite anyone, that's my share of Jersey, assume a loss of

00:44:25 --> 00:44:28

drinking and in believing that it was

00:44:29 --> 00:44:33

therefore, the general rule is to start on the right.

00:44:34 --> 00:44:48

Those present are equal and merit, however, is very busy person who wish to buy a respectable trade is one of virtues, then undoubtedly to start with that person more than

00:44:49 --> 00:44:50

then, right.

00:44:51 --> 00:44:59

If we were to follow the alleged rule that posts have to start with the person who are on their immediate right then this

00:45:00 --> 00:45:07

could resolve starting with a child, a servant's driver or a bard, who may even be more

00:45:08 --> 00:45:18

at the expense of a more prominent guests, such as a dignitary it will be or dissolving a leader in parents and grandparents, or

00:45:19 --> 00:45:56

would it be acceptable by the ship? Yeah. And it's refined manners to forsake honoring, and starting with the persons of honor, in favor of starting with a child, a servant, a driver, and then to proceed to the person of higher status. Also, it is possible that there may be 10 persons or more sitting around, but right before the most honorable person. In that case, you may only reach after 10, or even 21 people, Islamic manners, definitely not accept

00:45:58 --> 00:46:09

anything I want to make clear here. This by no means is to demean anyone else. Someone may think, oh, but we're all equal. So you can start on the right and you know, just wait for your turn.

00:46:12 --> 00:46:44

Is that giant? Is that permissible? Sure. I mean, at the end of the day, it's your, you know, your food, your drink that you're offering, here we're talking about other than ethanol, starting with the elders is the most appropriate thing to do. 10 children are eating and by the time the elder comes to comes from, for the elder, the food is finished, or the drink is gone. And it's you know, that's not proper, that's not proper, you know, the right thing to do is start with the senior, and then make, make it around all the way through the room. Yes.

00:46:50 --> 00:46:55

They have a right to be served before anyone else from bars of status.

00:46:57 --> 00:47:07

It shows then he served to build on this right? If this person noticed is someone out there or have a higher status showing desire to be trained,

00:47:09 --> 00:47:17

is right in favor of that person. When referring others to oneself, one has practice Islamic planner

00:47:19 --> 00:47:22

and one woman achieve great virtue on their journey.

00:47:24 --> 00:47:40

With that, we'll conclude here, okay, that Allah subhanaw taala grants is Baraka and understanding of the deen and makes us of those who live with prophetic character, we are in the month of view of our month of the birth and passing of a sort of loss of

00:47:42 --> 00:47:46

a month in which we should make a commitment to live by the teachings of the prophets of the Lama.

00:47:47 --> 00:48:21

And embody that character of a sort of loss and aloneness, and I'm in the teachings of the Sahaba. And the great scholars who passed before us, we need to work hard on bringing property and other back into our community, into our families. Right? Otherwise, if we let go even a little, or the way the community is right now, only Allah knows if there will be any other way than a generation or two ago. You know, you go to certain parts of our community, specifically the non Muslim part. And you see people referring to their parents, by their by their first names. Bob and Julie.

00:48:24 --> 00:48:24

Bob, man,

00:48:26 --> 00:48:31

Bob and Julie. That's how they call mom and dad Want to Hold on. This is not the right way.

00:48:34 --> 00:48:35

Adults should never

00:48:37 --> 00:48:58

have to hold your ground and and teach this. When you become older, it's a little difficult, but if you teach it from a young age, it's built into them. And then these young children as they walk around in society, they're like shining stars. You know, they have like a light of hope, a breath of fresh air, that you have people who understand that when you're sitting in a train and someone walks in, you stand up for them.

00:49:00 --> 00:49:35

Right? If someone's loading their car with groceries, you go and help them pick the groceries out and put it inside for them. When mama comes home, she shouldn't have to unload the groceries. The fact that she went to buy them was a big thing. You shouldn't load them. Mama shouldn't have to vacuum the house. If she has a child who's 20 years old, and this old doesn't understand how to you know, iron or vacuum or wash their own clothes aren't in our language is a camel, right? This person doesn't know how to take care of the basic needs. And this old lady is still doing these things. And old Baba is still doing these things. My pardon me if my language is too harsh shadow manager.

00:49:36 --> 00:49:46

Should be some shame. That mama is still making tea when she's in her 50s and she has five six capable kids who can all do it. And the boy What does he say? I don't know how to make tea.

00:49:47 --> 00:49:48

make tea.

00:49:52 --> 00:49:58

What does that mean? It's not hard. It's really not hard if you get it wrong five times. What happens a six time guys

00:50:00 --> 00:50:01

It's not rocket science.

00:50:04 --> 00:50:07

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say, I really don't.

00:50:09 --> 00:50:11

And parents let it fly.

00:50:12 --> 00:50:31

And they let it fly why I feel like they let it fly because they feel like oh, you know, America is different. And so they say, you know, stuff like, Oh, you know, oh, if I, if I have my child do all this work, and then who's going to do their studying for them because they haven't had someone with your troubles before. They're really excited about that you get into college, I need to make them successful, successful at what rate they know how to fry an egg.

00:50:33 --> 00:50:52

Successful and not knowing how to put clothes into what washing machine and pressing one button. Mama is separating the clothes after the laundry is done. And this person is you know, 1516 years old, 20 years old, 25 years old, 30 years old, and still doesn't know how to pay for his own bills, telling dad to pay for insurance asking dad for credit card.

00:50:55 --> 00:51:25

You know, is this a society of Monkey or human beings? What are we dealing with? What's going on here? young guy says to me, you will learn how to write a check. We're 20 years old, why don't you not know how to write a check? First of all, there's nothing difficult about it. But secondly, I get it. Like these are things that you learn earlier on. So you don't know whether it's the children that are mature and they don't, they don't understand responsibility for sometimes you wonder what our parents do to so May Allah protect us and give us the sort of love of God and I sent him home and said I'm on my way

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