Stranger In The Living Room

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Hasan Ali

Channel: Hasan Ali

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Bismillah Al Rahman Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala nabina, Muhammad, Allah, Allah, Muhammad mine

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are all below him in a shape on the Raji Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem

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Kasab, Dhaka Allah Tabu in

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our beloved a NASA Anna in a blue

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moon Kiba hadoo Huma,

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Huma,

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Huma, Huma

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Huma wakulla Houma

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Kadena Kadima

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waffleh Houma Jana lemina Rama Rama Rama Rama Rama

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de la

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serda Hello Robin

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firstly to my dear respective brothers and sisters salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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May Allah subhanaw taala give us the ability to focus and to make Allah the focus of this reminder.

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For in every single house, there is a focus.

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Every single body, there is a focus.

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Every family unit has a focus.

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And whether we want to agree or disagree,

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we have to admit to something that we all have a focus amongst ourselves. So in the family unit,

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when the families together

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in the conversations that we have,

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in the things that are important to ourselves, things that we value, things that we don't value, times when we are criticizing people in our households, times when we are talking good about someone or something.

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Over time,

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the children who are growing up in that household, the people who are living in that household, will clearly see that there is a clear focus of the people in this house, of their values and of the things that they think are the most important things in their lives.

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So that could be overtime, it could be money could be very important thing in the house, it could be family values, it could be other people, it could be someone within the family,

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something or someone is going to become a focal point

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inside the house.

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And in every single gathering there is a focus is a focal point.

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And the one that has understood

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the real essence of tawheed what is the hidden meaning, it means the oneness of Allah.

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The one who has understood the real essence of tawheed.

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to hate is not just a few pages of a book, tour he's not he's not a thick book.

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The head is not just a study program.

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Though he is not a study course alone.

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The real part of tawheed is your focal point. That's what our head is. If you really look deep into the sources, you will see that the head is one focal point, which means that this thing governs everything else within your life.

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This thing governs everything else within your life. When I say everything, when I say everything, I mean everything. I mean your physical actions, your mental abilities, your intellectual abilities, your spiritual direction, your own ambitions, your your future and how you're going to start planning your future, that focal point whatever it is, is going to start directing everything that you've got.

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And though most of us claim and we will as as good Muslims, any good Muslim, if you ask them, you know who's the most important being in your life? And most good Muslims will say what is Allah

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and most good Muslims, or most Muslims will say that.

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But reality is another.

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And children speak the truth. Because they don't most of the times understand politics.

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So if you were to go to the child and say

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What's really important to your dad?

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What's really important to your mom.

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And they'll start speaking, if you really, if you will give them a good platform, they'll start speaking.

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And it can be, it can be scary, what they might say. And it might be,

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it might be a good credit that you might get after what they say, if if they really speak their mind, and they say,

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my mom was important to her is that

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she gets a bit of time to rest. Or my dad, his important thing is that he's able to get his business secured, or the money that he wants, or my brother, he wants to pass his grades. My sister, she wants to get this job. one thing or another, will be something that they'll tell you what is really important in the lives of these people who are in the household.

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And what's important here is for us, is to ask ourselves a question right now and say, what, what would my child say, and if you if you dare, if you there, you can go home. And you can you can ask someone who's young, who's got a fresh, clean mind. And they could tell you, what is it that governs your own thoughts.

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If that child says, My dad is really important for him to pray,

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my dad is important for him. And you can see you know, within their words, they'll choose words. And if you give them a free pattern, Subhanallah some of the things that they'll come up with some of the things that they'll come up with what is important to your mother and father.

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Because their own ambitions, their own, their own thoughts, their future is being shaped by your talks and your conversations within the household.

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Whatever you feel is important. They too, are picking up on that. So when they see a father who's crazy for football,

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I can guarantee you that boy will grow up and he's gonna start becoming crazy for football. And most sons, they are followers or supporters of the dads football team.

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Yes, the dads spell fan.

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The son the Spurs fan, most cases, only some cases put down like is that for a reason. But, or his team for a reason. And he might basically just change and switch. So what I'm telling you there is there is a great thing in how Allah has created the human, the human mind and the human self. Because we have been created this is a really important and I'm going to give you some principles in this talk. Because I just don't want this this whole reminder just to be about something which I in I want this this reminder to be something that you can listen, and I hope inshallah I can listen myself again and again and say to myself, these are these are points which you can play at any point

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of your life and say that, you know, what? How do I react to this, because there's another thing, I might say something today, five years down the road, your lives are changing, my lives are changing. If I ask you right now, go five years back.

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What was your life the same as what it is today?

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And you will answer no environment has changed, or someone came into the family, or someone went out the family. Right? Or someone was in the family, no one's gone out, no one's gonna come in. But they've all grown. And with each growth, you get a new challenge. Each growth, you get a new challenge. Every five years guaranteed the home environment has changed.

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You got 10 years back, you asked yourself the same question. Am I am I different from that on my same and you will have to tell me that you are different. Even if you stuck in the same house with the same four walls with no one increasing your family non decreasing.

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I can guarantee there'll be differences in the way the mind is thinking

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is this is with age. So the principles that I'm going to talk about in this talk, I want you to reflect on those principles with what I'm saying and you can reflect on them charleville again and again. So one thing which is guaranteed is that as a focal point, and tawheed means that a large become the focal point. And when a lot becomes the focal point, the whole dynamic changes

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The whole dynamics changes,

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everything changes. If, for example, I am to go home, and expect my wife to be different, and good,

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then tauheed would mean, the oneness of Allah would mean that my focus is on this Allah,

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who's going to make me stand in front of him, naked, uncircumcised barefoot, without anything on him in front of him on the Day of Judgment. And so is my wife, my kids, my other people who are various they're going to stand. So if I'm going to admonish her with something,

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I need to think about myself.

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And the Hadith is quite clear, whoever will make it easy for someone in this world, have even Muslim,

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whoever will make something easy for someone in this world, for someone who's got difficulty, then Allah will make ease for him on the Day of Judgment.

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So if you think to yourself, you know, I could go ahead now and I could say something to my wife, or a wife things I could say something to my husband, and you think you know what I'm going to let go.

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When would you let go, you let go by knowing that more important than your husband, and more important than your wife is your focal point, which is a law. And if that becomes the reason you can let go, it's so easy to let go. It's so easy to forgive, because you look at the bride, you look at the you look at your focal point, because he's not only the focal point for the Day of Judgment, he is the focal point here.

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And it starts here. So you could say to yourself, that I will let go today, and I will inshallah have a prosperous time, on the day of judgment on law, let me off from something

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that had same howdy says, Whosoever will help someone in this world alone will help them in next world.

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had even Buhari says certain businessmen will come up on the Day of Judgment.

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And Allah will say to them,

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you know, what is it that? What is it that you

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you've bought from me. So these businessmen will not have much, they will not have much that they will be able to show Allah, on the day of judgment.

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Allow, say, Have you got anything that used to do for people.

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So, you know, you know, businessmen, how they are, they're busy with business. And hopefully, you're not too busy for your family, hopefully not too busy for law. But as long as you're genuinely trying to look for your own means of livelihood and so on.

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This person on the Day of Judgment, this is a hadith in Bukhari,

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Allah will say, Have you ever done something unique for me?

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in the world? And the businessman will say, Allah, you know, haven't got anything really to offer you? But I've got one thing. What is that announcing? The businessman will say that, when people used to come back to with me in the marketplaces,

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I didn't used to become hard in bargaining.

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I was easy on them in bargaining.

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I used to give them a good price. And instead of you know, some some businessman, you try and get something that something's a, you know, I don't know, 50 quid, and or, you know, especially if we're talking about Bangladesh, Pakistan, yeah, we want to take 50 off you, they'll price it at 250.

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And then the bartering with the oldest price at 200. And they know that you're going to say something like 25, then he'll say no, 150 125 you say something, you know, 40. And he'll say something like, 60 What about whatever it is, and then you probably end up selling it 50 if you're really lucky.

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But if you're a mug like me, you'll end up paying double the price and give 100 and you take it but you know, you know I go to these.

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You know, every time I go to these marketplaces, I bought with them. And I really, you know, give them a bit of a hard time.

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You might think what am I doing here? Give a bit of a hard time. You know why? Because he probably thinks you are this guy's from London.

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Do you mean

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so you give him a bit of a hard time and then you get the right price. And then after that, I tip him with an extra 50, Taka, extra 100 Taka and he says you've given me too much as I keep it

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because my point wasn't to try and you know, a poor man trying to make a bit of business and his business and we'll say he will say that I used to do business but Allah I used to go easy in bargaining with people. You know what Allah will say, according to the hadith of Bokhari, he will say oh my seven used to be with easy with people in bargaining today.

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I'm going to be easy with you in this bargaining.

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I'm gonna let you go the agenda. Just go.

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Just go.

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You know, the focal point is that why would that be? Don't do that.

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Because the thing is you have a good heart. See what's more important is one another principle i'm saying is,

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it's, it's, it's really important to have a sharp brain.

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But it's also important to have a loving heart.

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And there's a very fine balance between the two.

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There's a very fine balance between the two. And there is something that Allah has said in Surah, two Rockman, which is, he says, what the reason he has given us a balance. And he has said, Allah, taco filmyzila, do not break the balance, do not break this balance that I've given to you. What this means is in everything in life, there is a balance with children, there is a balance with the wife, there is a balance with her husband, that is balanced family life is a balance. And what people forget is that you've got to balance between the head and your Russian, your irrational thoughts, and between the heart and your feelings, you've got a balance between the two.

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And you will find it very easy. If you make a law, your main concern, if you make a law, your focus you will be it will be easy for you to do what do I mean by this?

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You can be and Allah has given us different look, Allah has given us different different

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you know, characters, some of us are born, some of us are born with a harsh side to us, we're more to do with the head, less to do with the heart, as some of us are born more to the heart, and less to do with the head.

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But you know, one thing that you must understand is though the people who are more towards the head run the world.

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The other people who are more to do towards the head, less towards the heart. Most of them run the world.

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But most of them that will enter Jannah first and the dead gentlemen will be those towards the heart. Remember that?

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Because Rasulullah sallallahu said when he praised the believers, one of the words that he used for the believers is the simple simplicity is a very good quality of the believer, though we need to be though we at the same time need to be you know, clever, but a movement is not cunning say clever is one thing. Counting is another.

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If you if you you know a lot of people in this day and age that mix the two, they think clever. And cunning is a kind of extra level.

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You're more smarter, but you're not you're not. You can you can do a few deals here. Rip a few people off or you could be cunning and you know, get your way through here and there. But the thing is allies watching you, my brother

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and how far are you gonna go? How far are you going to go? I will tell you that they're more straightforward simple. The believing heart is there more allies with you?

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allies with you. And I will tell you one other principle, which is Subbarao. Patience. Sometimes you're in a situation in a family life, and you're the one doing the summer. Whether you're the wife, whether you're the child, whether you're the parent, whether you're the you know, brother, sister, whoever you are husband, you're the one who's doing the sub, the patient's. What you've got to remember is that a lot when he said in the Quran, he is with he is with someone, he did not say that he is with the clever ones. He did not say in Alabama, in Alabama, knowing the plan, you will see that with the most intelligent He did not say that he did not say I'm even with the

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knowledgeable ones. He did not say that he did not even say I'm with the ones who practice what he didn't say that with him. He used the word with, he used with three different categories of people.

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One is sovereign, those who are patient in the law of mass sovereignty.

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And he has said Martin Luther King, those who are conscious of him aware of him, and they are so aware of him that they stay away from sin because this awareness cake keeps them away from sin. And he has said man mercy, those who are excellent in their actions when they perform them. These three nulla masaba masaba you find manga tequila in Sydney, but with cunning people, he's not with them. He's not with them. In fact, he says

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your cunning is your truth.

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Your tricks could move a mountain, let us zoom into Japan. Mountains could move with that.

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But you're not getting over a low with this.

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So in a family and a household, if you are in the position of being stubborn, what you should know is that Allah is with you.

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Not with the volume. See the volume of the presser because there are families that does an oppressor. There's husbands or intimidate wives. There's wives that intimidate husbands. There's some cases like that. There are husbands that feel that they're so overpowering over children that they can do what they want. And the children are the most Lumo they are the people who are the victims of oppression and the and the father whoever it is that the oppressor I want you guys to understand it the volume. Allah said in Allah Allah Yes, Toma volume Allah will not guide the one who's an oppressor is what will happen is in a case of oppression, and and in the case of, of sub,

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when when when there's someone who's committing oppression and somebody else who's having patience, you have to know allies with the one who's patient, but Allah will not guide the people who are oppressive. What does that mean? That means they'll get away, they'll get away with a lot. But Allah will guide them towards their own destruction, Allah will guide them to their destruction.

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So again, let's let's take a step back.

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Just the mind does the heart

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and there are you know, you can be you can be a person I work from Brazil. So lasuna is to balance the two.

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On one side, on the one side, on the one side, he said

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Latifah on whom asaka addable.

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He said, don't completely remove your stick away.

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So that we may teach at the discipline. But on the other side, he said,

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Lamia deliver,

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the best of you will not hit.

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The balance is there. The balance is what the balance is. On the one hand, you keep some form of discipline, you've got the stick there.

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But the other on the other hand, you don't use the stick. This is where the Sunni allies because Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam, he never ever hit anyone. And he said he had to come here.

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Wanna hear leukemia, and he kinda disintermediate he said the best amongst you are the best their families, and I am the best to my family.

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So it's a very, it's a very difficult one, because you think in all the aspects was kept in balance. When he spoke when he had to discipline.

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He was he was firm at times this firm.

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But he was a gentle firmness is a balancing that when he Sahaba because his Sahaba his his homily with students, you know, students, sometimes they can cross the boundaries. And when he's when his companions, they cross the boundaries, he showed that he was not happy with what they did.

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But he did not say things to them that he would regret tomorrow.

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But the important thing, there got to be balance. The balance is you can get angry.

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But it's what you do and how you use it. Because if you got control of yourself, then you can manipulate the situation in the right way. A lot of people they get angry, when they get angry, the emotions are high, the heart is, you know, the the standard emotions down at the heart very high. What happens is this thing here, the mind where they're supposed to think straight is low. And at that time, they could say things and there's a lot of brothers who say things that they only regret the next day.

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And the sisters who say a lot of things, in fact, so you know, sisters, on some occasions, they do this more than men.

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I'm not I'm not saying the men don't do this. But sisters on a good scale of, you know, hundreds of people you probably find, I don't know, maybe 70 sort of odd sisters probably do it in 30 odd men out of every 100 will do. But use the tongue. And all of that is from what coming from where where's it being ready to be moved from it's been moved from the heart and it's moved from here. That's why the passage that is from here, from the heart, all the way to the to the brain here that whole passage is called.

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The whole passage is called the column called which you know, literally if you if you translate color, color would mean what it means. It means the the heart

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but you look in the Quran, you will find that Allah has said

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Allahu kulu Yaki Luna via

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Allah said Don't they have hearts with with which they can think they can use the intellect with? And in other places you will find that Allah has said hearts to have love. In other places Allah has said hearts to ponder, to think of Allah is Allah when

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Allah said now the Quran, donate, donate, they ponder, ponder when you ponder over the Quran, what do you ponder with, with your mind in your head? What Allah said, oh do their hearts have locks on them. So clearly Allah has made made the connection between these two, what that means is that we think

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we think with both of these involve your emotions, and your your mind, your head, your intellect, both of them have consultancy. They have a consultation between themselves before we make a decision.

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But sometimes this one becomes stronger than down here, emotion becomes stronger, and sometimes the head becomes stronger. When a person's head is stronger. You are bereft of love, of sympathy, you're full of accuracy. When the when the heart is stronger, you are not thinking straight, you could be blind in what you're saying, because you're not thinking straight.

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So what is important here is when you look at Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, when he had to when he had to control people, with his with his tongue, or with his physical abilities, Rasulullah sallallahu the balance between the two. But what's another principle which is important is the spirituality of a person.

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You know, I could tell you these words, and you could tell me words, some people's words have a big effect.

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Some people's Well, some people are less naturally give them an effect in their words. And some people, they can have an effect when their spirituality is high, and Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam was one of these individuals

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were kolam believer,

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colon colon, colon fi unfussy him colon, wherever you are messenger, you pass on a message that is going to reach within their hearts inside now Rasulullah sallallahu in spirituality was such that if you were around him, first, you had you kind of had this or you were inspired with all next thing is you loved him, you actually loved him to bits Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam, you couldn't leave his gathering without missing his government again. Now this is not just for adults, the children loved rasulillah. Why? Because another principle I'm going to tell you is that you have to adapt to different people, according to their mentality.

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A contract Buddha was was a law who said NZT nazma. And

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Kelly munez autocoding. He said, place people in their places, put them onto their own levels. And when you speak to them, speak to them, according to them intelligent. So when Rasulullah sallallahu would speak to a child, it he would do it in a way that the child will understand

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is not important about the you know, specific, you know, high vocabulary, and he was looking at that all the technical ways of getting this child to speak Rasulullah sallallahu would speak according to the mentality of the child. So for example, when he was in Salah in a tent, in just before the Battle of Babel, and his companions has had caught this this this young boy in the in the in the vicinity. They brought him into the tent, and they said to him, they said, child is a young young boy, young boy, how many enemies are there? Because they hadn't seen the army and that how many enemies are there? And he said, I don't know. I don't know. So they start slapping him up.

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And Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam is in Salah. They asked him again they said

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and what was stopping him soccer culture. So they will say okay, how many how many were there? And he said, I don't know. So the start slapping him up.

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finished his Salah. He said leaving.

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When he's telling you the truth, you stop slapping him around. He's telling you the line you start Salah, stopping him

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and Rasulullah saw so now you look at his sooner as soon that was what he said to the child. He said, Oh child did you see them when they were when they were sitting when they're going to cook a meal? He said yes. He said oh child, how many camels did they slaughter?

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And he said between nine and 10 masala blossom said they are between 900 and 1000.

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Why? Because Arabs have a way of slaughtering one camel. That those times between 100 men

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so

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When is it such a nice way of getting this this answer out of this child? Because you've got to ask the right question. You know, I really get annoyed. I get annoyed when sometimes you're trying to even examine kids. And you give them a question which they don't, which they don't understand. It's not that he doesn't know the answer. He knows the answer, but you didn't give the right question. But anyway, here Rasulullah sallallahu tells us how he was his children kalamoon as you talk to people according to their ability of understanding and he did this over his lifetime when he talked to the Bedouins he talked to them according to their mentality

00:30:37--> 00:30:46

when he talked to the the sophisticated Arabs he talked to them according to their abilities and the Quran is a witness to this when when the

00:30:48--> 00:31:19

when the is in Makkah came down, they came for the American people who have who are very highly, you know, the well versed in Arabic and they had a very high understanding of Arabic so so those those makan is the difficult difficult words in there. When Medina he didn't have the challenge. So the eyes changed, because you're talking to different people here. Now, talking to people according to their level, when Rasulullah Salallahu alaihe. Salam He told me to look at him He is

00:31:21--> 00:31:28

5053 and he has say that on eyeshadow, viola, hahaha,

00:31:29--> 00:31:52

according to different durations, either she was nine, or she was 19, when she came to the house of the professor last accountable her is nine, according to other books is 19 whatever the fact is, there's a massive age gap here, but she loved him, absolutely adored him. Why? Because he came down to her level.

00:31:53--> 00:32:28

When he went to him when when he wrote to the kings of his time, they could, they could have a good intellectual debate with him and his priests, canes or the mustard, they could have the debate with him. Why? Because he now spoke on their level. So this is one thing that we've got, we can't break this principle. If you break this principle, then you won't see any of these things you break the knees and that Allah says the balance Allah said, means that you keep the balance, right? If you start toppling it over to one side or the other, you're gonna start seeing awkward circumstances.

00:32:29--> 00:32:29

So

00:32:31--> 00:32:39

one thing is that we have to the spirituality. So the spiritual level in a house is very important. You know, you when you get married,

00:32:40--> 00:32:53

is this the um, the talks is the stranger in the living room, right? Strange in the living room, so is a very good title, whoever chose them. Because you could say now who's the stranger? Well, the first stranger is your wife,

00:32:54--> 00:32:55

then it's your child.

00:32:57--> 00:33:00

Then after a while, is another child and later on, you grow up, you grow up, and then

00:33:01--> 00:33:04

perhaps one day you become the stranger in the house.

00:33:07--> 00:33:18

That's the dangerous thing. Hopefully, you don't become the stranger in your house. But some children might start ending up seeing their parents when they get married, as you know that data is getting a bit too older now, you know.

00:33:20--> 00:33:28

So you might end up now what you got to do. And what I've got to do is, you got to understand that a person has an outer and a person has an inner,

00:33:30--> 00:33:43

the outer just as you marry that woman, and the woman married the man, the outer is beautiful, fine. Please don't forget that the inner is not more beautiful than the outer you got a big problem.

00:33:45--> 00:33:54

That's why when Rasulullah sallallahu told us to choose, he said you choose according to the deen, he said the beauty fine. He said the lineage in debug mode for the lineage.

00:33:56--> 00:34:02

People get married for the the wealth. But he said factor a dean said she's the dean.

00:34:05--> 00:34:07

Now that starts with the wife.

00:34:09--> 00:34:14

In surah number Surah 30 verse 21, Allah said Lita school Elena,

00:34:15--> 00:34:21

you will be able to settle with her she's going to be able to settle with you as soon as you get married you know what happens most married men.

00:34:23--> 00:34:34

Most married men right? The ones that got married Seriously? The one that just kept the dads happy right because there are there are guys who just want to get the data is a horrible thing horrible. Don't you force your child to get married?

00:34:35--> 00:34:43

Because if the guy doesn't want her is going to ruin another man's daughter's life. Okay, now imagine

00:34:44--> 00:34:54

Allah says imagine Allah said in an MIT escuela you they will set with a straightaway. You see this? The guy used to see him all the time.

00:34:55--> 00:34:59

suddenly gets married and you don't see him for months. Right You guys are laughing

00:35:00--> 00:35:08

Yeah that's what happens isn't it you don't see in four months is awesome to mammals. I'm not here to divorce you to my to arrive. Basically you were so close to your friend is almost like my view.

00:35:10--> 00:35:39

And now he's with that that's what happened because sukoon sukoon is that you're now settling, you settle with your body and you settle your mind. But that is something Allah has given you as a gift. In order for you to get with this, the Quran gives different words one is so cool, so cool is that you settle. But the Quran was given a mental absolute tranquility. Mentally when you're absolutely serene, and tranquil was that word in the Quran, that word in the Quran is it

00:35:40--> 00:35:42

and Allah has said in Surah

00:35:44--> 00:36:29

verse number number 28, Allah, Allah hit up my inner loop only through my remembrance will have will heart kulu the whole mind, the whole heart, the whole intellect, all of that will be content. Absolutely content through up through my Vicar tomorrow, members. Now what I want to say here is that I've got married, you got married, or some of you boys sitting here girls, listen to this, you're not married yet you're looking to get married. Remember that when you got married, and Allah will give you the sukoon straightaway, you'll settle as fine. But in order to keep that lasting, you have to do two things to keep the sukoon lasting to keep the you know, for both of you to be settled

00:36:29--> 00:36:34

in the marriage, you have to do two things is Allah azza wa jal avena kumada wa,

00:36:35--> 00:36:37

in that is room 21.

00:36:39--> 00:36:42

Mount Dora Hamada means there's a difference between our

00:36:43--> 00:36:45

hope is genuine love,

00:36:46--> 00:37:04

genuine love. So you can have you can have love for wealth, you can have love for this dunya you can have love for the house you can have love for children or Love is a is a common thing. But nowadays, something different would what mawatha something different. That means it's an unconditional love.

00:37:05--> 00:37:48

Nowadays, unconditional love. When allies were dude, he loves you. Allah loves you, without a reason to love you. That's what it means. So when you love your wife, and the wife loves the husband, if you do what Allah said in the in this ayah is that you love your wife or the wife loves the husband unconditionally. I'm not loving you for your beauty. I'm not loving you because you're so glamorous. You're so nice. You sort of you know, stare some feelings into my heart. I'm not loving you for that reason, because Okay, fine, I'm glad your wife might, you know, create those, you know those thoughts inside your heart? That's fine. But how long is she going to carry on looking at that?

00:37:49--> 00:38:13

She can't carry on looking like that forever. How long does wealth last? One day is the inheritance of someone else. One day they may lose it. So if it's a conditional love, once that thing is gone, that you it was conditional upon, then you will your love will also be gone. More that means I love you unconditionally, which is because I got married to you.

00:38:15--> 00:38:17

I love you finished Allah told me to love you.

00:38:18--> 00:38:21

And the second thing is Rama I will have mercy on you.

00:38:22--> 00:38:29

Husband needs to have mercy on the Wife Wife needs to have mercy on the husband. If these two things Mahabharata and Rama,

00:38:31--> 00:38:46

unconditional love and mercy are fulfilled, then you will have a good life of settlement. peace inside your marriage You will be settled you will not know nothing less is going to rock the boat between yourself.

00:38:47--> 00:38:53

And if you are a husband or a wife listen to this anything Oh my god, where did I go wrong? All you have to do is just bring these two things back.

00:38:54--> 00:39:05

Just go home and start showing your unconditional love. Do things go out your way and do things because why? Why not? You said one day in front of any man

00:39:06--> 00:39:23

in a Masjid or wherever it was in a hole whatever. unicarriers You said nakuha cabildo to her she said Natasha who come into one of the words you use. Okay, what are these words? The man recited three verses before you got married

00:39:25--> 00:39:30

and all three verses have one thing in common which is you beware of Allah. Yeah, you're

00:39:32--> 00:39:53

certainly service number one. Second one Yeah, you're Latina law are you believe have been a be conscious of Allah. I am 102 of Sudan Ron, and I number 7070 of Surah Al Azhar Allah says yeah, you Latina, la dee da that all three of them have one thing in common. So beware of me. Beware of me. Beware.

00:39:55--> 00:40:00

The first one Allah says I gave Don't forget I gave you the permission to get together.

00:40:02--> 00:40:18

First one, the second one says, you want to be aware of me. Don't be aware of me like you think you should be aware of me, you'd be aware of me as you ought to be aware of. Yeah, you're Latina de la Hakata. Not how you think taco is done, how I want to be done.

00:40:19--> 00:40:55

And the second one gives another reminder which is what? That your taqwa with your wife, with your wife, you do and you with your husband, you beware of me in between, you'd be aware of me. While at 11 to Muslim, don't you come to death, except that you submitted yourselves to me. Marriage is a way to try and submit yourself to God. You try and control one big danger that is between your thighs. That thing between our thighs. It can drive us crazy. It can drive us crazy. So Allah has told us, okay, you want to settle in this you get married.

00:40:56--> 00:41:04

Once you get married, you're settled. Now the next thing is is half of faith. Get close to me. Let me go to nylon to Muslim.

00:41:06--> 00:41:25

And the next thing next ayah which was hula, hula hula hoops to recite as well. That be upright in your speech. Make sure that you don't make any hindrances in what you're saying here. If you're honest in what you're saying, you're going to be aware of me in this marriage, always remember him in his marriage. Be conscious of me in this marriage film in this marriage.

00:41:27--> 00:41:27

And

00:41:29--> 00:42:03

I will rectify your deeds your philippou will forgive your sins. And the last part of the last is to lossless means to recite, and every man recites before Anika is or monitor Allahu Allahu Allahu fuckathon hobbema you obey Allah and His Messenger, you will be most successful, you will have a great success indeed. So in marriage that reflect go back to these ads right now 10 years after marriage 20 years some of you after your marriage five years after your marriage, and now think about this is how relevant they are.

00:42:04--> 00:42:17

Have I been aware of a lot in the current situation I am if I haven't and to go back and make some amendments COVID given conditional love, have mercy and you will see you will have sukoon but the one thing you will not get is it may not.

00:42:19--> 00:42:40

It may not is total contentment inside absolute serenity and what is that? So the HANA line or the Allah has made for us for the body to be content for the body to be content. Allah has given us hearts that can have victory. But the for the house to be content.

00:42:41--> 00:42:42

The house has got a heart.

00:42:44--> 00:42:46

The house has got other masters got a heart.

00:42:48--> 00:43:01

You might think I'm talking nonsense. Yeah, I'm not talking nonsense here. The mustard has got heart, not just one heart, but hearts is the hearts of the believers inside the mustard that keep the mosquitoes alive.

00:43:02--> 00:43:51

And in the house, is those individuals that live inside the house, and they have put together that makes the heart of the house. Now if you have in that house constantly, you have movies being played television on all the time. There's constantly just people just on the internet. You've got people just eating, eating, sleeping, using the toilet, gossiping, in out in out paying playing games, and there's little bit of liquor inside the house or maybe no liquid inside the house. Then now you tell me the situation of that house. That house is going to be a house with a heart that needs surgery.

00:43:53--> 00:44:42

What does that mean? The back of your house is going my brother muscles I'm telling you that you want to bring peace in your house. You try this out. I've seen this with my own eyes. I'll give you giving this remedy to a lot of people. You know husband ends up wife ends up quarreling and quarreling poorly. My and sometimes it's so petty Oh, my God. They're quarreling over things that you if you suddenly walked in, and you listen to what the quarreling about you thing what you guys, you know, 35 or three and a half for you guys, man. What's happening when you format this for such petty things? You know why? Because when the Baraka or the blessings go away, then then you've got

00:44:42--> 00:44:52

plenty of room for shutdown. You got plenty of room for China to come. I'm telling you he's gonna sit now. Yeah, by shaking his behind.

00:44:53--> 00:44:59

He's gonna make comfort in your house. Visualize not the shaytan is there

00:45:00--> 00:45:02

You know, Josie Rahim Allah has said

00:45:04--> 00:45:29

is that a wonderful thing? You will claim on Josie Rahim Allah wonderful scholar in Islam he said that your own heart either has a love of the Quran, or the love of music. If you're a music lover, you've got one of you got the other. you've either got love for music or you've got love for the camera, but you can't have love for both. Because if you have got love for the Quran, you move towards the rock man.

00:45:30--> 00:45:58

And if you've got love for music, you move towards the shaytan and Rasulullah sallallahu companion Abdullah bin Masuda said alakina you Me too, and nifa philokalia he has said that when music starts to create hypocrisy in the heart, just like rainwater coming down, brings up weeds among garden.

00:45:59--> 00:46:01

Now when rainwater comes down

00:46:02--> 00:46:08

you can look at the risk of Mashallah realize rainwater we live with this right? It's nice man nice, I'm enjoying it.

00:46:10--> 00:46:19

You didn't intend any weeds in your garden? But what you will see after a while is that weeds come on and where did they come at? You didn't plant the seed leading plant the seed but they just come out

00:46:22--> 00:46:47

What do you got to understand is music you might think that it's innocent there's nothing wrong with this I'm just having temporary enjoyment here. But you have to understand my friend is that there are some effects that you don't see you don't see the effect of the rainwater with with weeds growing you will not see inside the music what it will do to your heart because you will not be inclined towards Islam. Now you tell me a husband and a wife that find contentment in music.

00:46:48--> 00:47:05

A lot of Muslims out there when they're having a bit of worry, you know the bit of argument what do they do they start doing all sorts of things. And and they're being misled by the shutdown one thing or another. One thing is the shutdown says, you know, start listening to music break off from all of this.

00:47:06--> 00:47:11

So they start listening to music. But the what the longest stand is hypocrisy going growing in the heart.

00:47:13--> 00:47:21

Or they might start to get into certain friendships, certain social places, certain clubs, certain friends.

00:47:23--> 00:47:44

But what they don't realize is if it's not good company, if it's not good company, they're going to be led away from Islam. Or in worst case scenarios. They start to get into drugs to look for satisfaction, they want to break away from everything they want their mind to become. They want to stop all these callings gets them doing their head day.

00:47:46--> 00:48:04

And as husbands and wives out there, they will start to do all sorts of horrible things. Also, sometimes they just on the phone to me sometimes watching movies to the eyes can take it. Sometimes then they go for drugs. Sometimes for drinking rum Muslims out there who get stressed out in the house, they go for a booth.

00:48:05--> 00:48:06

They go for

00:48:07--> 00:48:08

they get drunk

00:48:09--> 00:48:16

is the thing that will take them out Allah said in the Holy Quran, you're looking for it. Because you're a human you're gonna you're gonna want it.

00:48:17--> 00:48:31

Without it may not you're not complete without you being totally settled your whole heart, mind everything being at rest, you're looking for that come to my liquor. Because when you do thicken yourself, you'll first find that it's going to start pulling you down.

00:48:32--> 00:48:47

is a cooling mechanism. You have to do it. And then what kind of words Am I saying, I'm telling you straight up, you do this. One thing you can do is if you're having quarrels in your house, you start both of you, husband and wife start to send salutations and the messengers of alarmism

00:48:49--> 00:48:52

and send it like 100 times a day at least.

00:48:53--> 00:48:54

So no.

00:49:06--> 00:49:09

Masami was

00:49:10--> 00:49:30

just being you know, this just takes you away from the world takes you away from the world. You sit there, just sit in your own time, your wife's not there or your husband, not there, you sit on the masala, you see on that prayer mat, and you just facing the table and knows listen to you. That's the only one is your focal point.

00:49:31--> 00:49:44

You need to start making amendments to the law. When you make amendments to the law. What is Rasulullah sallallahu said with sending salaries on him. He said whosoever will send salutation to me once Allah will send upon you mercy 10 times.

00:49:45--> 00:49:59

So you're getting every time you send it you get 10 then 10, another 10, another 10 and your husband if he does the same thing, he'll get the same thing. And where does that fall into your house. Angels are coming to your house now and they spread

00:50:00--> 00:50:12

the mercy of Allah upon you. And that's going to come into your house. I can guarantee you, if you start doing this increasingly wicked inside your house, you can't expect miracles overnight.

00:50:13--> 00:50:26

It depends how bad the situation is at home. And you will find over time that hearts your wife's heart, your heart, your children's hearts, their craziness, it's all gonna start settling.

00:50:28--> 00:50:30

Obedience will start rising.

00:50:31--> 00:50:45

When the shaytan is around, disobedience is at the high when the angels around the abelian starts increase. Now you sit there you want to look for solution, you come to Allah for a solution Allah Subhana Allah Quran in surah, Zuma

00:50:47--> 00:51:04

and number 36 and I used to love who because you know, is Allah ma not in Am I not enough for myself? Am I not enough for you? Am I not enough for you? You want to find a solution? You come to me? I'm gonna love you for who

00:51:06--> 00:51:14

you want to depend upon someone depend upon me for I'm going to be enough for you. I will suffice you I will be enough for you. I'm going to be enough for yourself.

00:51:16--> 00:51:38

Now, you sit on your musala you're looking for peace, Rama, Rama, you start sending salutations and one thing you do to cleanse yourself is to start seeking forgiveness from Allah Rasool Allah asked me to do this every single day 70 times in one rewire 100 times a day mother wire, stone federal law Latina Illa

00:51:42--> 00:51:42

Allah

00:51:43--> 00:51:44

to

00:51:46--> 00:51:46

Allah

00:51:51--> 00:51:59

The I seek forgiveness from Allah I returned back to him the one who's ever living the one who keeps everything together.

00:52:00--> 00:52:02

There is no one else except for him.

00:52:03--> 00:52:12

If you can't say up to up to that just says de la de la la la. La to LA. If you can't say that much younger time said hasta que la

00:52:13--> 00:52:17

la, la, la la la la for Ryan.

00:52:19--> 00:52:28

To say that much. But sequel Gibson do it in a way that you have a tone that will start to yearn for Allah yearning for his mercy

00:52:29--> 00:52:40

beside whatever whatever you can do these old hobbies Subhana Allah He will be handy super

00:52:44--> 00:52:50

so by law he won't be handy super

00:52:54--> 00:53:06

glorified my own law most high my own law and in His praise. I praise Him score the five mile law who is the great super high

00:53:10--> 00:53:11

wanna

00:53:17--> 00:53:21

law law you are free from blame I am to blame.

00:53:22--> 00:54:00

And humble our life. Thank you for everything you've given me even though I'm in total mode, I can still see your gifts, line and love there is no one else except for you except for you along guideline and I need you at this moment. A lot of what you are the greatest greater than my problems around me. I need you. When you turn to alarm making your focal point things will just turn around. Things will turn around and I'm telling you a lot of houses need this and you know what do we do? Do yourselves a favor, reduce the amount of TV that's being played in the house, reduce the amount of internet reduced the other other things happening inside the house. Bring Salah because Salah is

00:54:00--> 00:54:19

new, bring prayer in the house. Prayer is light it will create light What did you say? He said to the men in the masjid he said don't deprive your houses of the light of the summer don't deprive your houses for this Salah inside your house your houses need a portion of your Salah

00:54:20--> 00:54:33

that's why it was the sooner the profit and loss of money used to pray the fall. He's to go inside his own apartment a lot of the times and pray his son and his wife inside his house because that brings a lot of light and mood inside the house and Quran.

00:54:34--> 00:54:57

Allah but one of the best things you can do in the in the houses to recite the Quran and recite it recite it doesn't matter you have a good you know a tone or you don't breathe just just recite that because that will bring new and light into your house it will bring angels they will witness you they will come to your house and the sharpener the devils will start disappearing or will not be able to come when the vicar of Allah is being done inside your house.

00:54:58--> 00:55:00

So this is the

00:55:00--> 00:55:16

For to reverse the problem solve the problem that people are facing. So who was the stranger here the stranger was who it was that woman who came to your house, it was the man who you got together with. And the next stranger after a while become your child.

00:55:17--> 00:55:25

And so happy, or law parents who got a child, whoa, a lot have been over the moon over the moon.

00:55:27--> 00:55:31

But don't forget, there's a balance here. The balance is you've got to nurture.

00:55:34--> 00:55:39

between what between that thing that was last blossom said,

00:55:40--> 00:55:43

You can't completely move the stick and you can't use it.

00:55:44--> 00:56:11

in between. What that means is a times to teach a child you've got to be slightly more, you've got to be more firm with the child. And at times, you've got to be kind to bring back the child in the middle. Now, it's not an easy thing, my brothers, it's not an easy thing. But if you know, what triggers them off soon you learn. And the most important thing is that that child grows up with what grows up loving you.

00:56:13--> 00:56:36

And they should grow up understanding you see, there's two things again, the balance the mind, the heart is another principle, I'm telling you, they have to grow up understanding what you're saying. And they have to grow up loving you and what you're saying. Now, how do you do that? If I can, if I can a child, Oh, don't do this. Don't do that. You just given the don'ts because I do this do that do this. They know the do's but they don't know why.

00:56:37--> 00:56:45

Fill the child's mind with reasons why he should. And he would love to do those things. So if I tell him

00:56:46--> 00:56:48

eat with the right hand.

00:56:49--> 00:57:06

That's one command. But if I tell him eat with the right hand, because the shaytan eats with his left hand, now I've given him a reason. Eat with your right hand to eat, say Bismillah because the shaytan can join you inside your eating when you said Bismillah O son or daughter.

00:57:07--> 00:57:16

When you are when you got when you got inside the house lot of things I'm just looking at dinner table, something drops off my plate.

00:57:17--> 00:57:22

But it's still clean Rasulullah allows us to pick it up, remove the dead from it and he used to eat

00:57:24--> 00:57:43

unless it's very dairy, it's squashed or something that you can't you know, eat it again fine, leave it then you throw it away otherwise you eat it. Now in a hadith of Ahmed, it says those people who eat from the from the food that falls off their plate, Allah will give them rights his children

00:57:44--> 00:58:03

if you want your children to be righteous and do this, and tell their children right in front of them you know why I'm doing this? Because our Prophet said see there's a focal point here. Allah and His Messenger the messenger similasan showed us ways are you making that the focus every time you do something? Allah's Messenger said that you will become righteous if I eat now what's the childhood I think

00:58:04--> 00:58:21

when I have children one day my children be righteous if I do the same thing and lead by example is the biggest thing lead by example if I want my child to praise Salah nicely with nice ruku nice to do I better be doing the same thing. If he sees me then

00:58:23--> 00:58:29

Hey, listen, how can you play and I said to my Can I Can you could you pray he's gonna he might not say something out of fear.

00:58:31--> 00:59:09

But it's all in there, he see me do the same thing. It's not gonna read, I'm telling you one day he will not stay inside his head. Because there's hypocrisy here. If I want my daughter to wear hijab, and I don't wear the hijab, or I haven't lucija that my daughter is going to have a loose or no hijab one day. They will they will they might go most likely de Vaca May Allah Allah give us all hidayah and he can give them heat as well maybe they might not follow you. And hopefully they don't follow you something wrong, but the normal circumstances that they will follow you so everything we should try and give him some kind of reason. Whatever reason you can give the form you will do why

00:59:09--> 00:59:19

Allah loves it if you don't find anything else to say Allah said it. So you don't have to give a reason for everything is not nothing you have to understand. Sometimes a child might say to you that

00:59:21--> 00:59:25

Why do you have to do is I don't understand this. Well, you don't have to understand everything.

00:59:26--> 00:59:37

The Dean has not been made for you to understand it completely. There's a reason behind everything. I've just finished my will do. And then I lay out some gas from the back. Nope.

00:59:40--> 00:59:50

I'm just finishing I'll do the still wet my hands are wet. My arms are wet. My face is wet my you know my bids dripping with water. My feet are wet, and I'm just leaving something behind the back law.

00:59:51--> 00:59:57

A law tells me what do you do again? Now come on. Where's the logic in that? I should be watching the back door.

00:59:58--> 00:59:59

Right one or two

01:00:00--> 01:00:37

My face again, I didn't let that motion my hands again, washing their feet again, there is no logic behind this. So they don't need to be logic behind everything. If you can't find a logical you don't know, just say, look, Allah told us to do it and we do it finished. Why are you praying unless told us this should be the primary thing and then what you all son or daughter, you're going to get a Jana. And it's going to be a garden, and it's going to be so beautiful. When we die, you can enter that garden, what's in that garden? Now you don't have to tell that child that in that garden, there's going to be if you tell a little kid in that garden is going to be beautiful women, that's

01:00:41--> 01:00:53

what I want to do with beautiful women. So the kids gonna build trees, trees, where's the slides, you know, where's the henna, that's what the kids don't even so what you tell your child is what he wants to hear.

01:00:54--> 01:00:58

Telling if you want at least on if you want in that garden

01:00:59--> 01:01:26

toys, you're going to get toys that then will tell you that can have this whatever it is into market it was Thomas the Tank Engine. Right? So you can get you're gonna have a big one some you can ride it. And then she'll crack at James as well in person. So yeah, of course. Of course. You get the whole load, you can have a whole world of the whole world. Can I go to general right now? And now that's why it's only on one communication. He said Sam Coughlin said that can I go to general right now.

01:01:27--> 01:01:50

When you tell him now when he grows up, his mind changes, you tell him those things. You tell him as his mind grows, you tell him, you tell them as many things as they would love to hear. Because that's you talking to a child on his level, he will want to do that, you know, our times most of the older generation can relate to this, or the mid generation can relate to this is that in our time to simple a must

01:01:52--> 01:02:32

read otherwise you can end up with an alpha. That was a you read because you didn't want to go to hell. That was it. There was no other reasoning. Now we can obviously know Al Hamdulillah has given us a lot more of Islam right we can we can be a bit more Yeah, you can tell them that you might end up in alpha if you don't pray, but don't give them that Sol Sol example. Why? Because they're azula Salatu, was Bashir on mana de la. Remember, whenever we give advice, remember two things. It's best to try and balance it with good news. And with the bad news. And good news more than the bad news. Don't forget that. That's why he's always bashira Madeira Madeira bashira is always the giver of

01:02:32--> 01:03:02

good news. And then he's the owner of the evil that lies ahead of us. And when you look at in the Quran, wherever Gemini is that Jana has mentioned, whatever Jelena come Jana mention, Allah kept a dose of Janna seven dose of jam and that's why I'm saying more good than the than the than the evil. And when Rasulullah sallallahu told his companions, he said what he said bashira while at a funeral. He said in a hadith of Bokhari said give people good news. Don't chase them away from Islam.

01:03:03--> 01:03:25

Give them good news. Don't Don't chase them away. Don't make them run away from from Islam. Because if you can be negative negative people will have a very negative impression of Islam, negative impression of Allah. So what we need to do is balance it all out. Tell them a lot of lancio calls allow them to do is allow will look after you and if they don't still want to pray.

01:03:27--> 01:03:30

Tell them how can you not pray.

01:03:32--> 01:04:10

Allah has given me so many gifts, appeal to their heart. It's even appeal to the brain, the mind up here, you can appeal to their heart down there and try both. See that's that's that's a really good way of getting down. If they don't if you give me the logic why they should pray and they don't take it appeal to the heart and say how can you be so ungrateful unless looked up to you Alice clothed you Alice made you know, he didn't make you blind? He didn't make to death. You eat every day of the play to gives you, you. You wear the clothes give me give me the clothes. So why did I get the clothes from?

01:04:11--> 01:04:24

Who gave me the money? Allah gave me money. Allah gave me the job make a lot of focus of everything you tell the job. Allah gave me the money Allah gave me the job Allah gave me your mother. Allah gave me you.

01:04:25--> 01:04:59

You've got to pray and do this at an early at the other balances. If you leave things, certain things too late and you missed the boat is very difficult if you're trying to get your son to pray at 12. Her Good luck. Good luck. And you've never made him time to pray before that. Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam said you start with seven. Now seven. You've got to try and do it at ease. He's given between seven and 10. He said 10 is a now you've got to get forceful at 10. But he said seven you start to give them the hookman the command. Now seven. You don't tell them look at seven you got to pray for the Lord.

01:05:00--> 01:05:17

As a lovely Bishop, for 12, eight 717, whatever you know, you got to do the full thing if you do that you that child will not enjoy prayer, get them to do the fluoride first, he let them come to the dean with ease. But within that time, it is a time for everything between seven and 10.

01:05:19--> 01:05:27

Get them to like it. See before that, obviously, you're not going to disallow them to pray, they'll see you praying, they'll try and cram copy. But it's not a command you've given them.

01:05:28--> 01:06:05

You beat him to the mustard, let them see that environment by standard command that you've given them. But when they come to the age of seven to 10, you try and easily bring them into their lives. For it first, maybe not all the fun straightaway, let them miss one or two here and there. And later on, you will find out that they will get more and more into then you can start putting your foot down. And you do it very easily, gently. And with all the good understanding appeal to the heart appeal to the brain and the mind. Your wife is probably not wearing a hijab. First thing I will tell you is please don't marry your sister, if you want her to wear the hijab, and she says I promise

01:06:06--> 01:06:10

after we get married, we're going to wear the hijab. I'm just telling you right now

01:06:11--> 01:06:14

you've accepted her without a job.

01:06:15--> 01:06:16

That's the default.

01:06:17--> 01:06:57

That default. Don't forget misers the default. The default is whatever you accepted her in the car, she can always drop back down to that, again, she can say, well, you accepted me like this, right? She'll say she can mean. So first thing is you don't marry a sister without a job. If you want her to wear the hijab later on. I don't care how many promises that you're getting. And for a brother to get practicing after marriage, don't sister don't accept it finished. Hello to Muhammad, you love him. I love her. You want to get a sister with the job, they should be wearing the hijab before the marriage. And then in marriage if they fail, again, in admonishing us to things and giving them

01:06:57--> 01:07:07

doubt us two things, you have to use the mind and if you use the heart, and you have to put yourself in front of your focal point, which is Allah, I'm giving Dawa, I've got to be careful about myself.

01:07:08--> 01:07:18

Am I in the past to be good, I better be good myself. Otherwise, I'm not No. So you have no effect. If you don't practice your what you say your Tao will have no effect, or little effect it will have.

01:07:20--> 01:07:47

So to get your your wife to wear hijab, you do it nicely, you don't do it in a way that you know, you don't want her to wear. I mean, some sometimes maybe you might work then you force it on and then she probably later on loves it. That could work that could happen. But it's better to get the heart to accept. And that is with good words that you get them to accept. The husband needs to be practicing. You get them to move step by step with good words and good advice.

01:07:48--> 01:08:00

And that has to be with the mind and the heart. You don't see one thing that you don't do in the family life is you don't look at the person and you hate the person. If you start hating the person

01:08:02--> 01:08:04

you've lost. You have to hate the sin and not the person.

01:08:06--> 01:08:51

Anyway, you're bringing them up now, in everything that you asked just gave you an example about the the food table, everything you do, Allah has to be the focus. You do a mistake. You do a mistake as far as we make a mistake. Another we make mistakes, make sure you rectify yourself before they rectify you. A child will not tell you that that's not right. The younger the child, the more party they're going to be in these matters. You tell them that was not right for me to do you know what I said to your mother? In our spoke earlier? I shouldn't have done that. May Allah forgive me? May Allah forgive me make that a mark? Because they're learning. They're learning every single way

01:08:51--> 01:08:57

you're making them Sabatino. You know, have you ever done this with your kid Have you said, let me be you and you'd be papa.

01:08:59--> 01:09:06

Be me and watch them. Because there can be a mirror image of you. If you give them a chance. They'll sit there

01:09:09--> 01:09:16

you will see your marriage, you use a mirror image within your child you give them a chance to do for you.

01:09:17--> 01:09:27

And not that not only that, but they are noticing everything you're doing and then only noticing it they are making that part of their life.

01:09:29--> 01:09:42

They are now they are not going to react. They might not look normal to them become as a province. But is one of the things that last created is that we might move into that direction. Now, early in life.

01:09:44--> 01:09:59

Three things important to the child. First comes Allah second comes the messenger sallallahu Ellison and third come your parents. absolute authority inside the house. Don't use

01:10:00--> 01:10:37

Try and give this at a later age, it has to start as growing up as they're growing up first is Allah for me, for you, for your mom, everyone is Allah, secondary messenger. And third is third, if parents call us now you will find they will challenge you children, are they to challenge you and tell me, if they don't challenge you? How are they humans, if you're a human, you're going to challenge you're going to try and break a few limits here and there. So the children will challenge you just the other day. Just the other day. You know, my child, as I was telling him off, he you know, he's walking off and he said, bla, bla, bla, bla.

01:10:39--> 01:10:40

And I called him straight back,

01:10:41--> 01:10:49

calling straight back, young child. Now, any father could do anything at that time, we could take your hand and you could go Walla,

01:10:51--> 01:10:51

Walla Walla,

01:10:53--> 01:10:59

Walla, around his head is going to make him have hurtful feelings towards you.

01:11:00--> 01:11:36

What you don't want is you don't want them to be hurt towards you. Because once a child is hurt, once an adult is hurt, they don't want to listen to your good words anymore. can be true or not, you know, when someone hurts you, when someone betrayed you, or let's say, even a betrayal, if someone breaches trust, let's say if he's not even that when someone hurts you in some way that they insult you or they say to you something which really affects you really gets you after that good advice they give you you, you just don't listen, you hurt. See, when this thing here, your emotions are high. That thing there there is

01:11:37--> 01:11:37

don't want to listen.

01:11:39--> 01:11:50

So you don't want to hurt the child, or hurt create the feelings. What did I say? Listen, I said What did you say now a child natural things if they fear something, they might start line.

01:11:52--> 01:12:00

Numbers Allah says if you think man, God the child livestock for the law allow the mama godless machine.

01:12:03--> 01:12:06

Every child is born

01:12:07--> 01:12:08

Elia

01:12:10--> 01:12:14

and a truthful person, the child doesn't know.

01:12:15--> 01:12:36

The child doesn't know. He knows I can speak the truth I can lie around because Allah says this is one of his words. He said, and this is why you you only learn not to lie when you see the consequences of lying when you understand the lying is bad. You have to go through that face. If you're a person who's always said the truth in your whole of your life. Up until this point, I'm not gonna believe you.

01:12:38--> 01:13:13

You never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever liked you never did anything wrong. You never ever cheated. You never ever, you know, hurt anyone. Only profits do that. Only run the last prophet sallallahu has in the past, he passed away, you know, 1400 something years back. So there can't be any more human beings like that. Every human being at some point of your life, you're gonna you know, you're gonna do something wrong. But you do things wrong. It's not about when you do something wrong, that the elders have to basically, you know, use physical force to put you straight know, understanding is much better. So what I said to my child, I said, did you say that? Okay, find the

01:13:13--> 01:13:28

first excuse come out. I said, No, no, no, you said you said this. And you meant this right? And I explained it to him, You men, Papa Obama is going on the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

01:13:30--> 01:13:35

Right? Yeah, I get it again. I'm being told off. You meant not right.

01:13:37--> 01:13:40

Tonight is ready in the face. He looks at me and it's gonna

01:13:44--> 01:13:45

unlock comes first

01:13:46--> 01:13:51

messenger come second, who's after that? It says, parents, I said,

01:13:52--> 01:14:00

I have to discipline you. If I don't put you in Alex, I explained to you and you've got to do this. I'm in charge of you.

01:14:02--> 01:14:04

Alice messengers put me in charge of you.

01:14:06--> 01:14:22

And that is that I must look at your inbox if I don't tell you some not to if I don't tell you to pray, if I don't look at you when you're not praying. And if I don't tell you off, you could easily end up not praying. And then if you end up in jamna or if you end up on the wrong side, or if you end up with a ruined life.

01:14:24--> 01:14:27

And to be blamed for that. So I have to do my duty son.

01:14:29--> 01:14:31

Understood, understood, and go and pray.

01:14:32--> 01:14:56

called the womb pray. Thing is understanding getting through to the mind games and without hurting them without hurting and then after that, not to see this is another thing that some of us break, which is once you've given your power not to repeat the signal like the he just been told by you. Do you really have to go to the mom and say, Did you hear what he said?

01:14:57--> 01:14:59

Are you saying look I've given him around one please stop around.

01:15:00--> 01:15:02

Come on, come on, come on, get your boxing gloves on.

01:15:03--> 01:15:24

Come on, the child has had a you know, he's just telling off from yourself, he doesn't know if he's Enough is enough. Unless he's serious with really serious, okay, both of you speak, but don't make it a thing that he has to remember for the rest of his life doesn't matter, you know what it is what kind of thing is going to be wrong at that age at a young age, very young age I'm talking about.

01:15:25--> 01:16:07

But what you gotta understand is, if disability is there, at an early age, the less of it you have to do at a later age. Most parents where they find difficulty or later is because they never did the work. When the kids were less than the age of 10. before the age of 10, you do your work, and you keep the balance right? You will have a very good future with yourself as a family and with them as well. Now you prepare them with the Day of Judgment. Talk about the dead you talk about death as it's a normal thing. To some people think that talking to a little child about death is going to give them you know, different tools to react different ways fine, but make death something that

01:16:07--> 01:16:30

doesn't have to be horrible. You tell them look when you die, you're a good Muslim. You done good things you go to Jelena. I see, every Muslim has died, go to Ghana, when your grandfather died. He was a good Muslim, he went to Ghana. Now you probably don't know where he's ended up. Boys ended up no one knows, really. But just tell him that let him have these positive things in his mind. A good Muslim. That's a true fact. Good Muslims. Don't just tell him that.

01:16:32--> 01:16:33

I remember when

01:16:34--> 01:16:37

my son's grandfather passed away.

01:16:38--> 01:17:01

And I was crying, my wife was crying. And then, you know, we get a phone call after phone call. And we just start a little prayer. And we were praying God together. And then the phone rang again and my child when and he picked it up. And he's only four years old. He picked it up. And you know, as a family member, you know what's happened? Is it true that you know, he's passed away, and he said he is passed away. He's a Nana passed away.

01:17:02--> 01:17:04

But straightaway he added he said, but he's going to

01:17:06--> 01:17:18

he's gone to jail because we've always told him that good people they pass away they go to jail now so it's there's nothing wrong. And that really made me delightful in the fact that he's he's made that he's got that his mind. Now why I'm doing that is one day, I've got a pass away.

01:17:20--> 01:17:59

I don't want my kid to lose his life because I passed away. While I'm in my brain, I can't move. And I wish my god I could have told that son of mine. You know what it is to be dead? I tell him, tell him now tell him tell him the beautiful things on the other side, tell him let him find good things. Fate and other shouldn't be things that we make horrible. Tell them there's good things in the next slide. And let him feel that inshallah he wants to one day join all the good people in the next slide, because he's going to be good as well. So prepare with Qatar prepare with the Day of Judgment thing. You know, I meet certain families right now I'm dealing with this one family. And then the

01:17:59--> 01:18:00

30s.

01:18:03--> 01:18:42

Last year, the parent passed away, they can't deal with it. The wife can't deal with it. The daughters can't deal with it. Why? Because they haven't prepared themselves. I'm going around to families with old age people in southern Ireland telling them not to look, start talking about death. excepted talk about normally talk about what happens talk about the grave talk about the afterlife. Because these things ruin people's lives, when they haven't got the right attitude in their minds when they don't know when suddenly hits them. And you know, when it suddenly hits you is no good. You telling them that time it does little good is still good, you tell them but it's no

01:18:42--> 01:18:49

good. Why? Because the emotions are really high. If the information is there from before, it will make it easy for them to grasp and to take in.

01:18:53--> 01:19:34

Whenever you punish the child, or whenever you rewarding the child, make sure it fits the occasion. One good thing to do too, is that you have a reward system in the house. It's very easy, very simple. And it works wonders for little children I'm talking about perhaps being below the age of 10 it works wonders for them. What you do is you just make a simple chart, you stick it in your house, you have certain stars for points that they do and you can go to wh Smith and you can buy these different colored stickers you can give them different values and you can say every time you do something good I'm going to give you a point now you're going to give them pocket money anyway let

01:19:34--> 01:19:35

them earn the pocket money

01:19:36--> 01:20:00

through good actions through good actions. So you tell them before you know as soon as you wake up, make sure you've done this you you've changed your clothes, you've done your homework, you've gone dancer, you brush your teeth, you've done this blah blah for this I'll give you this finish tickles are that many points and then when you when you come before I tell you if you do your Salah, then you get this this many points if you help your brother if

01:20:00--> 01:20:35

You don't find you get this all the things you want, let's just put it up. It's a really good way of getting a system to house I've tried in my house and hundreds works, works wonders for us, has worked wonders for a lot of families as a good way of getting them to be disciplined because they then say, Okay, I've got this many points, I'm gonna get this much pocket money at the end of the week. And at the end of the week, give them that pocket money, whether it's a pound, you wanted to give, make sure you points out up to roughly account, whether it's a pound or 50, whatever you wanted to give them, give them by them earning that through good reward. Of course, later on, when

01:20:35--> 01:20:43

they grow up, they learn that they do this, not four points, I'm gonna grow out of it. Trust me, a kid, 14 years old is not going to be in your house looking for stickers important.

01:20:44--> 01:21:09

They'll grow out of it. And then then you tell them at the age of by the age, they would have known they do things for Allah finish, and they get hassled out, they get a good, good reward from the angels. But when you punish them, you give them a punishment, whatever it is that fits the crime and don't make any lasting damage. Now you don't want to you just want to give the message. I'll tell you one thing is, the harsher the punishment you use, the more ineffective it becomes.

01:21:10--> 01:21:17

If your punishment is, the best punishment is for a kid, generally the best punishment which is as soon as the promise of allowance in

01:21:18--> 01:21:21

the past punishment for your kid or for your wife

01:21:23--> 01:21:25

is emotional deprivation.

01:21:28--> 01:21:40

What you do is every time you walk in the house and they should be you should be sooner. Every time you walk in the house. You smile every time you walk in. I don't know if you guys do this as soon as you just walk in the house you say a Salam Alaikum

01:21:41--> 01:21:59

Salam O Allah because once you say that the angel will reply to you even if no one else replies to you. The jinns will reply to you in your house. But don't get scared. didn't live in everyone's house doesn't matter you know? Unless they don't bother us all right, okay to say Salaam Alaikum. Don't be scared

01:22:00--> 01:22:03

and your family should say as well I can send them back to you.

01:22:04--> 01:22:14

And the good thing is when they when they see you smile tea, they say how easy it is. There is no one that smile more than Rasulullah sallallahu

01:22:16--> 01:22:18

when he saw a child, what did he do?

01:22:19--> 01:22:22

He stroked their head he kissed them

01:22:24--> 01:22:39

sometimes it takes them a long time to stroke their head nano in the kind of society we're living in. And it's kind of dangerous to do that with kids. But I'm telling you as Muslims okay if you don't mind Yeah, I might do that now and again with your kid or I just broke their head or I'm not feeling

01:22:41--> 01:22:55

but as soon as you make them feel comfortable, you make them feel welcome. You make them feel loving and then Subhana Allah you see a Hades where he has an understanding of resources, come outside the masjid, his command to the masjid.

01:22:56--> 01:23:01

What does he see? He sees Hassan in the distance all he saw was seen in the distance.

01:23:02--> 01:23:10

And then was also awesome left his companions and his fat chasing Hussein around the different crowds of people

01:23:12--> 01:23:40

with a smile on his face until he grabbed him, and then he kissed him. Salalah holism now this is who this is who this is the Imam of imams. This is the Imam of Eman doing this. This as soon as the Prophet sallallahu wasallam Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam he is in his house a companion comes in and he sees he sees Hassan and Hussain bolt on his back. And Rasool Allah has given them a horsey ride.

01:23:43--> 01:23:51

And is a companion seeing this. And the companion says, what a great What a great person they are riding.

01:23:53--> 01:23:56

And Rasulullah sallallahu says what great riders they are.

01:23:57--> 01:24:05

Now this is Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam are known for giving them a horsey ride, or a camel ride, whatever you call it.

01:24:06--> 01:24:20

But he still hasn't had the most gentle way of being with kids. They say that whoever you know, whoever the head he would stroke throughout the day they would have sent coming from the nice person coming from their head.

01:24:22--> 01:24:36

And Prophet sallallahu wasallam you know whether it was his companions or others used to smile now when you do that a lot. You're smiling, you're cheerful, you're nice, you're gentle, and then someone's upset you and you remove them for a short while.

01:24:38--> 01:24:50

What happens, see what I do with my kids, it works wonders. It works wonders. You just you just move what you just you know, you don't want to you don't want to be with them stray when they come to you in the kitchen.

01:24:51--> 01:24:59

And they say sorry to you and they come and try and get your attention again. Why did they do that? Because just emotional deprivation is the best way of disciplining kids and even disciplining adults.

01:25:00--> 01:25:23

Well say there's an OSHA he used that receipt of NIOSH on many occasions. On the one occasion, he used it. This is when he was really really, really angry with his wives, with all of his wives cry because they were demanding, you know, worldly things. And he really got angry. So he went and slept in.

01:25:24--> 01:25:33

It was the it was the house of House of house sat next to the masjid. He slept in one single quota for 29 nights.

01:25:34--> 01:25:39

He just slept. He didn't sleep with his wives for 29 nights. He didn't beat them up.

01:25:41--> 01:25:44

His body is sick, etc.

01:25:46--> 01:26:12

None of that. It's not needed. Why just simple. You control them through your motions as the best way you can. You can control them, you don't need to swear. You don't need to say harsh words. You don't need to say things that will make them hurtful, you'll be regretful tomorrow. You don't need to hit them, you don't do anything. You just need to just remove that great character of yours for a few minutes, few hours, few days, everything back to normal again.

01:26:13--> 01:26:17

Just do that. I said that's a great soon on the progress of allies.

01:26:19--> 01:26:21

Now when they make effort,

01:26:22--> 01:26:30

a child in every child is different. You could end up with three children, two children, whatever you've got, every child is different, they will not come out the same.

01:26:31--> 01:26:41

They will not come up with the same intelligence they will not come up with the same emotional thing. And don't forget, please, you do not know the future. So don't show more love to the most cutest child.

01:26:42--> 01:27:09

Don't show more love to the most intelligent child. Because you don't know Allah said in the Holy Quran lottery I use you whom a parabola kunafa you don't know which of your family members will be the most closest to you in benefit. You don't know that. Your child who's the least intelligent one day Allah gives him a Daya he becomes half of the Quran and you're sitting on a throne on the Day of Judgment with a crown of light in your head, you and your wife because of that child.

01:27:11--> 01:27:32

You don't know which one's going to benefit you so there shouldn't be favoritism. Family nonono Rasulullah saw some so one person once he had a son come up to him he placed him on his lap. A daughter came up to him he plays the daughter God besides in Russia last last and then on seeing that he said, Man, a delta by Noma you haven't you haven't done justice between the children.

01:27:33--> 01:27:39

When my children come to me, there's two of them coming this is your despise us and that five years

01:27:40--> 01:27:46

you have the different ties, the third one come Will you sit on top of both of them and got the hang of the third leg.

01:27:50--> 01:27:57

And the thing is, you got to do either, just the vocal feel that you got the same love for all of you kiss one, you have to kiss the others.

01:27:59--> 01:28:30

You give one a sweet you give the other the sweet each the same portion. Each of them. You keep either justice. Because if you keep justice, they see you as a just person. You start doing favoritism, you're going to start creating what has a jealousy. And then you've got another problem. Why did the brothers abusive? And I said I'm just falling into the well, it was out of jealousy. He was the most beloved nice cute little use of never worked one day in his life. Oh, you can read as you play with us together when you find out after a while

01:28:32--> 01:28:48

knows that for jealousy. Jealousy is the key to shutdown. The shutdown created feelings of animosity in the hearts because the Akuma salon he gave more love to his young Yousuf over the other brothers and he was effect he did that.

01:28:49--> 01:28:53

So that created jealousy and what happened and we got a whole story in the Quran, Amanda?

01:28:54--> 01:29:17

So you treat all of them equally. Now your love for one might be more masala What did you say when he talked about his wives, he said our law. He when he when he gave all his wife something equally said our law. This is my justice between them. This is something that I have power over. But the thing I don't have power over the love in my heart

01:29:18--> 01:29:28

that I can't have meaning that he had more love for Ayesha than the rest of his wives. He couldn't help them. But he didn't commit injustice amongst his wife because of that love.

01:29:32--> 01:29:34

Now remember Allah says in the Holy Quran,

01:29:35--> 01:29:59

Allah has given truly one all of us when we were born, he said jalila Kusama, Allah Apsara, one of either first comes your hearing. Next come your site. Next comes your heart, your thinking or your mind. What does that mean? Children will listen to you more and that will stay in their mind more

01:30:00--> 01:30:04

Then what they saw, I can come to you now any of you guys who lost your mothers.

01:30:06--> 01:30:21

And if you guys have lost your mothers who have lost your fathers, especially your mothers, especially mothers, you can sit, and you can listen to your mother speaking to you in the exact tone she is to talk to you. In fact, sometimes you do things and you can almost hear mother telling you something.

01:30:22--> 01:30:24

Your hands, have you ever come across that?

01:30:26--> 01:31:01

Yes, sir, hands up. Yep. You cannot, because the thing is you're hearing, it takes a lot inside things are registered in Saudia that will remain with you for the rest of your life. Now choose your words that you tell your child and do repetition. If you want your child to remember something for life, repeat and repeat and repeat. Because repetition is something that we learn by if you look in the Quran, you will find the same thing Allah did. Allah didn't say once in Allah, Allah position cadet, he said that again, and again and again. And again, Allah has power over everything, a lot of power of everything, a lot of power, everything. Why? Because you hear it again. And again. And

01:31:01--> 01:31:06

again, you read it, you hear it again, again, it has an effect, it grew, it stays inside there.

01:31:08--> 01:31:21

Now another thing that you remember, the principle is you have a purpose, and then you have an end. But that end becomes another purpose. And that purpose, that end becomes another means to another end. And that end also becomes a means to another end, and it continues.

01:31:23--> 01:32:01

You will understand that values in your house, what are the values? And I'm telling you brothers and sisters, the values in our houses, you've got to seriously think what are they? What is important that I make to my kids? What is the most important thing is it education was above everything, they will start to figure things out, even if you don't spell it out to them. And every means has a purpose. Every purpose again becomes another means. So for example, My children are growing up and the young. What's the purpose? Well, I want them to grow up. And then I want them to get good education fine. What's after that? I want them to have a good job. Right? That end, which was a good

01:32:01--> 01:32:06

education becomes a means again to another end, which is a good job. Okay, fine. What's after that?

01:32:08--> 01:32:10

I want my children to be happy.

01:32:11--> 01:32:31

That's another end, they've got a good job, good education, they'd be happy. That's it. They've registered that you want their children to eventually just be happy. But if he's slightly is our you know them to have a good education, then I want them to have a good job, then I want them to bring me money in the house while I retire.

01:32:35--> 01:32:39

And don't you tell me that parents don't have that in their mind, some parents

01:32:40--> 01:32:42

might not be a really bad thing.

01:32:43--> 01:32:48

But the thing is, you really want your child to grow up to think that everything is doing is just for you.

01:32:49--> 01:33:14

for himself, give him importance give her importance, I want you to have a lovely life. I want you to enjoy life. But at the same time I want you to enjoy according to the commands of Allah and His Messenger the ways of the messengers of blossom. If you make that clear thing, they will register that and that will be their life ahead of them. But if it's anything else, they will start calculating and start registering it.

01:33:16--> 01:33:30

routine is a very important thing, another principle, put a routine in the house, keep busy. If you don't keep the house busy with good action, then it will be busy with other bad actions or actions that are just going to waste their time.

01:33:31--> 01:33:39

Busy from morning to evening, spend your day whether it's you know, you drop your kids off to school, you come back and then occupy yourself.

01:33:40--> 01:34:04

Don't waste your time, occupy yourself whether it's work, whether it's going to be your own education, whether it's going to be your own liquor or spirituality, whether it's going to be the chores of your house, your husband conduct now this is a very important part which is routine evening. Most of us have got a routine from Monday to Friday nine to five all of us who are studying, working, going to school we've got a routine.

01:34:06--> 01:34:23

But the most important thing is after five o'clock after six o'clock, my brothers my sisters I'm telling you please, in this sick day and age that we're living in, don't forget. Please don't forget family life. Human beings are more important than technology.

01:34:24--> 01:34:27

Human beings are more important than technology.

01:34:29--> 01:34:32

Technology was supposed to be used

01:34:34--> 01:34:36

but not loved.

01:34:38--> 01:34:42

And people were supposed to be loved and not used.

01:34:44--> 01:34:56

Don't love technology but not loving human beings because you will do an awful thing to yourself and to your family life. A lot of families are breaking up at this moment talking about and have broken up because of this.

01:34:57--> 01:34:59

Technology is a means on the side.

01:35:00--> 01:35:19

It's not your purpose in life, not the purpose that shouldn't be there at the very important and in this country common is very difficult in the West, to get a few hours with the family, the whole family should be eating together. So good family value, you sit together at the table you eat together, keep that up.

01:35:20--> 01:35:27

Whether it's you know, you stopped something you have the family should come together and do jamara or prayer together when they're not going to the mustard.

01:35:28--> 01:35:45

Make that in the routine, prays together, eating together, and the family should have interaction time for interaction together, you know, certain things that that are going out of the family life, you know, son, how was your day to day?

01:35:46--> 01:36:04

How was your day to day you know, my wife, how's your day to day my husband? Now if if they've got you know, if they've got stress, some people have stress as adults Come on this test less, let's be honest about it. But when you've got stress, don't bring your stress from work to house and don't take the stress from house to work.

01:36:05--> 01:36:06

Keep them in the places

01:36:08--> 01:36:15

no one's forcing you to bring your stress of working to your house, no one's forcing you if you seriously want to get your stress levels down.

01:36:16--> 01:36:20

And you've got no one else to talk to you I tell you the best person to talk to

01:36:22--> 01:36:25

is your focal point. Allah is talk to him.

01:36:26--> 01:36:42

So the more teachers that Serrano teaches that 950 years our Prophet Mohammed our his people, a lot of them didn't believe it only 70 of them believed and you read through the whole surah almost from beginning to end is one glad

01:36:44--> 01:36:59

to be my Lord. And it's all relieving stress in the Dow to call me late on one hour like call them by night by date. Now to whom Allah call them in the open in public and also in secrecy.

01:37:00--> 01:37:35

Our law I call them without fear Allahu Allah, so that you may forgive them. And then you know, like, you know what they did? A lot. You know what they did? They put their clothes over their faces, they hit their faces, they put the fingers into their ears, then our lives said to them that look these gardens that have dried up you know, Allah will give you rainwater again, you know, he's saying this in his dark to a lot. You know, the same conversation that you have the same conversation that you have with a good friend to try and relieve your stress with your wife or your husband. You don't need to do with anyone except for Alana. I'm telling you the best person best

01:37:35--> 01:37:45

being to go to is Allah subhanaw taala because you just sit there and I tell you what brother Do you can say you can say if you're in stress, and I know most adults have got one thing or nothing that's dressed up

01:37:46--> 01:37:52

just sit on the musalla sit in the good old time and say to Allah has

01:37:54--> 01:37:57

walkie neuroma No.

01:37:59--> 01:38:12

no see, has 101 airman Lucky me normal Nola one airman no see.

01:38:15--> 01:38:18

Lucky me.

01:38:21--> 01:38:39

One airman no see haspin Allah. Allah is enough for me. Allies the best best beings I can depend upon. Allies the best of helpers. Allies the best of masters best of masters best helpers best to depend upon best of masters best or

01:38:41--> 01:39:17

best of Guardians Newman Mola, best just a masters and just say that the Salem hospital Laconia, Milwaukee hospital London and just put your hand in front of Allah say you say all your stress your co workers, people who've said things to you, people who've done whatever to you stress at work, just leave it to Allah, you know, one thing that people need to do, honestly, in this in this really horrible society, people take pills for it. People take pills for it. People go to the doctor, people go for therapy, because of stress and how stress in the job workplace. There's a simple solution to it.

01:39:18--> 01:39:32

In your mind, what you do is you don't you know, your mind talks to talks to you and says, you know, you hear different things, you know, you're walking, you know, you're not occupying yourself with something, you'll hear things. You'll hear people saying things and allow that so yeah, he said

01:39:33--> 01:39:36

he said and I remember him saying

01:39:37--> 01:39:40

I couldn't you hear that right? I'm going crazy.

01:39:41--> 01:39:45

Guys, yes or no? Yes. Good. You're crazy with me right?

01:39:46--> 01:40:00

Now, when you do is you got to say there's got to be a point when you say that aspect. I have now left to Allah. You've got to come to a point when you

01:40:00--> 01:40:23

say, okay, you think because you need to think about situations and you just say to yourself, okay, I've thought about this and what could I say if he says this? What will I say? And and if they say this, what will I say, then you need to choose part of that understand, when you've done it, don't go over it 20 times, because then you're going to start getting to high levels of stress. If you go over it, and 50 times, you're going to go towards depression.

01:40:25--> 01:40:50

Right? What you do is, once you mapped out your planning for what you're going to say, you say, Now, to work on a law now depend upon a law that now I've left to Allah, Allah, I am going to give preference to you liquor in my mind over this matter. So that when I get to my situation, you're going to be there for me and help me.

01:40:51--> 01:41:35

And this will work for you. I'm telling you what will come out of your mouth. At that time. You think, Wow, I didn't know I was that good speaker. You know, your heart will think of things and your mind will think of things at that moment or situation will come. Why? Why will it happen? Because Allah has said in the Holy Quran Surah Baqarah Ayah number 153. Guney? Can you remember me, I will remember you. Now you say to you saying to Allah, our law, I'm giving up the stress for you. I've thought about it fine. Now I leave it to your porters. You've remembered him and now I'm going to replace that video decal on. You think Allah is not going to remember you when that stress thing

01:41:35--> 01:42:03

comes up again, and you're in front of that person, you're in a situation again, you think Allah is not going to remember you? Allah Subhana Allah Kuan very clear foscarnet could you remember me I remember you. So you got to do one thing is the stress to you replace that with liquor. When you've done that, and with everything as well, you know, you got stress at work, you got problems, you got home, you got problems with child, you got problems, it'll help somebody, you got problems, all of it, you leave to Allah and replace it with liquor.

01:42:05--> 01:42:36

And that evening time, please, I'm telling you in every single week, you've only got a few hours of constructive time, after all the chores of the of the week that you've got, please be very careful in how you use that time. Please spare a little time, if it's 15 minutes, 15 minutes, if not half now, I'm sure there's no one here. That can tell me that you haven't got 15 to 20 minutes an evening.

01:42:38--> 01:42:42

And all I'm asking you to do is just talk to Allah, talk to him

01:42:44--> 01:43:03

to some liquor, whatever you want to do just make up with a lot before you go to sleep. Or when you wake up in the morning you make up with a lot before you start your day, whatever you want to do, just do that and put that into your routine. One other thing I was saying the routine is for a good thing in the family is you spend very little time five minutes,

01:43:04--> 01:43:45

five minutes, maximum 10 minutes no more than this. You pick up a book like Rio de Sala hain, widely available is a book of Hadith by Imam nawawi collection by Malawi. And you basically just read one Hadith or two Hadith, or whatever you can get in five minutes or 10 minutes, don't exceed that don't get really excited one day and do half an hour because the next day the family is going to run away from that time. All right, they're not going to want to sit down just do it for five or 10 minutes and dad one time with a family says together one person might not be practicing, but don't worry, no warning, the good that you start will spread to them inshallah.

01:43:51--> 01:44:00

Right. Now that I've said, quite a few principles, the last thing I'm going to say the last part of the who's a stranger in the house,

01:44:02--> 01:44:09

the stranger the house sometimes can become the parent, very awful situation, the mother or the father can become the stranger.

01:44:10--> 01:44:26

If that ever happens, my friend, if you're a kid in a house, if you're a child, if you're a teenager or if you're married and you're in your 20s or 30s and you kind of think that your father or your mother doesn't relate to you and your wife or to yourself anymore.

01:44:28--> 01:44:35

Even a teenager whatever the case is you feel that they're not relating to you. Whatever the case is, you better not

01:44:36--> 01:44:38

be hurtful towards them.

01:44:41--> 01:44:45

Even if in that day no wrong not to explain this what I'm going to say

01:44:47--> 01:44:59

even if in no wrong nanny to explain this, what's the worst that person can do now what most complaints I get as an Imam is one you know we got problems living with our in laws and bla bla bla bla they make us say this

01:45:01--> 01:45:11

In our property, my father doesn't understand me, my mother should understand me. Okay? What's the worst code to get? You know, that tell us of that make life they make this this idea is that

01:45:12--> 01:45:17

what's the worst thing? Are they going to do a major sin?

01:45:19--> 01:45:31

Are they going to come and ship? Are they going to sign partners with Allah because Allah says in the Holy Quran, that if your parents get to the stage where their sin is the highest of sins,

01:45:32--> 01:45:41

let's say they're not even horrible to you. They're not even miss misunderstanding you they are committing the worst of crimes which is shipped

01:45:42--> 01:45:52

during the worst thing that they can do. And they become Hindus. Imagine that they become Hindus, they become policies, they become whoever, but they're worshipping other gods besides a lie. Imagine that happens in someone's house.

01:45:54--> 01:45:54

Allah says,

01:45:56--> 01:46:00

Allah subhanho wa Taala he says, that when they're doing that to you,

01:46:02--> 01:46:11

and they're committing [???], and they say to you, son, stop following us and worship these gods here in your own house and you're a person who believes in me.

01:46:12--> 01:46:14

This is in Surah, Look, man,

01:46:15--> 01:46:18

verse number 14 and 15.

01:46:19--> 01:46:32

Allah says, Allah to Allah, don't obey them in shirak in the sin was Sahiba, Houma dunya, ma rufa, but you must still remain in a good companionship with them.

01:46:33--> 01:46:47

Your Hindu parents, your parents or polytheism, you cannot be cruel to them, horrible to them, hurtful to them, not even to the extent of

01:46:54--> 01:46:56

not like used one great word in the Quran, he said.

01:46:59--> 01:47:09

In the 23rd, verse of surah, Israel, I said, Don't even say now has a lot of expressions value until the day of judgment, an awful lot of a lot of expressions like

01:47:20--> 01:47:26

off canavalia expressions alasa Don't even say that to them or express that to them.

01:47:27--> 01:47:31

What In fact, Allah said, what you have to do is Asana.

01:47:32--> 01:47:39

He didn't say be good to them. He didn't say that. Allah did not say be good to your parents.

01:47:40--> 01:48:04

Don't walk away right now. Allah said, be excellent to your parents. What do you say? be excellent excel in your good deeds to pass exam exam means that you completely Excel to the best of what you can do. Allah said, walk with la humara Halima Rama, place your hands to your sides and show your absolute humbleness to your parents.

01:48:05--> 01:48:16

And say this, Allah said repeatedly you say this for your parents. Robbie. Oh, my provider sustainer your hammer Have mercy on them.

01:48:17--> 01:48:18

Why?

01:48:19--> 01:48:37

Why? karma. neisseria just as they nurtured me while I was small. Now there's a lot last said inside this a lot. There's a whole history your whole history lies inside this. Your whole history.

01:48:38--> 01:48:55

Now there are parents who got what complaints have parents got? Right? That you're not practicing that your wife's not obedient, that you know this or that whatever the complaint they got, they can't go above [???]. So if Allah said you do this with you, Hindu parents, now you tell me what about Muslim ban? What about Muslims?

01:48:57--> 01:49:12

You should look after them even more. What about your Christian parents? Do you look after them just as Allah said, you don't be horrible to Hindu parents. If you end up with that, you should not be horrible to them. whatever religion they follow, and if Allah has said you don't say off,

01:49:13--> 01:49:26

you cannot go beyond that. If somebody says a hurtful word to their parent, you better go straightaway and get forgiveness because you are last forgiveness is dependent upon your parents forgiveness.

01:49:28--> 01:49:35

In this one matter, you cannot cross the limits. Allah has made it in fact, there is no place in the Quran, where Allah has said

01:49:37--> 01:49:59

don't worship anyone except for me and do this when I last use those words in the Quran. There's only one place that he's put human beings apart from the messengers are normally allowed to say obey me and obey my messenger. He will say that there's only one set of people that allows us after clear order of only worshiping Him is the parents he has said Waka darbuka

01:50:00--> 01:50:33

letaba illa Jacobi Valley, Dania Santa, I command that you do not worship anyone except for me. And I command that you be excellent to your parents. I command you be excellent to your parents. Now what why is this so much stress in this is because you know, your parents, without their guidance for so many years of your life, you'd be nothing if your parents decided, just to neglect you for one night of your life, you probably be dead, you probably be history and not be here today.

01:50:34--> 01:50:42

For that love that passion. I mean, your mother, your mother had you in her womb for nine months.

01:50:44--> 01:50:58

She went through sickness. I don't know if you can only understand these things. Honestly, when you have a wife that goes through the same thing. And that's one of the beauties of marriage, that you start to learn what your mother went through when you were in her womb.

01:50:59--> 01:51:45

They get sick, they can't keep anything in the stomach. A lot of them, they get nausea, they can't take certain smells, they contact certain foods, they start getting dizzy, they start getting weak. And Allah said and Holy Quran huanan Allah Juan in Quran Allah Quran, Quran, Allah said, weakness over weakness, you know, a detestable situation over a detestable situation. And they go through, they become very tired quickly, they can become very hungry, hungry. And then what is it then is the whole pain of carrying that everywhere they're going, they in a car, you're going to drive slowly, they're lifting something they have never lifted carefully, because there could be a miscarriage.

01:51:46--> 01:52:12

They the now the baby is growing and growing. And then the worst part, the worst part that they have to go through is the labor itself. And if you if you stood there next to a woman, your wife, when she's going through labor, you will wish that that does not come upon any other human being, again, the cries that they come up with, and the pain that they go through just for that one human being to come into this world. And as

01:52:14--> 01:53:01

you know, the pain does how many weeks they have to go through pain because of the towards the end stage, and the ones that child is born, that is the closest thing to them. The closest thing the moment is baby is in a slightest pain, they're in pain. And this is not for one night, my friend. This is for years and years and years they did that. You can't sleep, they can't sleep, you have a fever, they've got tension. You are in a situation where you Are you in need of something they're there for you. And they do that for year after year after year. And after all of that you grow up your bones have been provided as a means your parents were the risk on this earth for you to grow

01:53:01--> 01:53:18

like this, a lot provides fine, but he made your parents a means and your bones, your flesh, your muscles, your brain, your intelligence, your education, the food that you ate, everything comes through as a means through your parents to you. And then you say to them,

01:53:20--> 01:53:50

what do you know? Then you then you say that to them, then you say that? How much of an ungrateful, ungrateful lowly human being can you be to do that to two people who without which you would not be leaving today, you will not be the same today. And doesn't matter what wrongs they've done to you. You leave that to Allah, if you can forgive them, because parents can be wrong as well. Let me just make this a statement. Parents can be wrong as well. But if they're wrong,

01:53:51--> 01:53:58

and you think they're wrong, forgive them and leave it till the Day of Judgment, trying to understand them. You know, one thing I'm gonna say to you is that

01:53:59--> 01:54:03

I had a very hard upbringing with my own father.

01:54:04--> 01:54:07

He was very, very harsh, very strict,

01:54:08--> 01:54:12

very strict, very harsh. Mama did something black

01:54:14--> 01:54:16

and he didn't have one stick. He had seven sticks.

01:54:17--> 01:54:31

And he had each to choose his nice sticks on the way to the mustard. Now he's on the way back to the masterpiece. Look at trees, the branches. That's a nice stick there. Take his pen knife out, start smoothing out and it's to bring you home.

01:54:33--> 01:54:59

Those days when I was young, it was a very hard thing. And you know, there's no hardly any emotion but later on in life, there's a stage when I grew up grew to understand why he was like that, because my father did not have his parents beyond the age of 12. both his parents died at the age of 12. He had a very harsh upbringing. He lived

01:55:00--> 01:55:25

himself on a very harsh life. And somehow Allah brought him to this country and somehow, you know, he made it and so on fine. But that that harshness he had was passed because of his upbringing, I can't blame him for that. His parents died at the age of 12 Alhamdulillah at least my parents were alive till I was fully grown. And the second thing you know, the second thing is that today, there's no one that gets more

01:55:26--> 01:55:51

from myself that my father and my mother, why, and they, in other words I give to my father's from my heart. You know why? Because my father pushed me and pushed me and pushed me to become this man, I am today. My father really wanted me to he wanted, he had four sons. And he wanted one of his sons to become happy. So he tried to make all four sons happy.

01:55:52--> 01:55:54

And they will bust one by one.

01:55:55--> 01:56:01

And I was the last time say, Well, I'm gonna bust like you buddies. And my father said, you bust up, then I'm gonna bust you up. So

01:56:03--> 01:56:09

you might last you my last thing that I've got. So as it was my crime, they will bust up, I'm gonna bust the law. No, you can't.

01:56:12--> 01:56:14

He was the source of me becoming happy.

01:56:16--> 01:56:48

If he wasn't hard on me, and honest, I'm saying to some of you kids here, if you've got parents that are hard on you, and they are being very firm with you, and they're pushing you in this direction, you know, one day, you might end up like me, giving your best draws from the bottom of your heart, your father's because I look at my colleagues who grew up with me, some of my prisons, some of them, most of them are broken up with broken lives. My father, he pushed me, we can have any pushed me to become a to learn the religion.

01:56:49--> 01:57:00

And his greatest wish was that we went on that those days, I didn't understand it. Those days, I knew if I came out the madrasa, I'd be jumping out the frying pan into the fire,

01:57:01--> 01:57:19

or dare come home, my father would make me Kima. He sent me back in bodybags, if you had to, but I'd be studying back in the mother son. So I had to stay inside. That was for one that was only for a few years, to three years. After that, I liked him after that I got used to the life.

01:57:21--> 01:57:35

And then when the beauty of the Quran opens to you, and the beauty of Islam opens to you, when you start understanding what you're reading, you know, when you enjoy, then what, then you can only give out to the person who book today, and my father ends those lands for myself.

01:57:36--> 01:57:38

I'm going to now take your questions answers in Sharla.

01:57:57--> 01:58:42

If a parent becomes old, who should look after them do for some elderly, so not able to look after themselves? Okay, look, the parents to look after them in an old age is the responsibility is a foreign key fire, which means that if one of the children do it, and it suffices, then the rest of them don't have to do it, if the two of them decide to do it. And you know, suffices. The rest of them don't have to do along with these two are doing it as long as that one person is doing it. But if no one does it, then all of them will become sinful. If no one does it, all of them will become simple visible for the device. So it's an obligation on them as long as some of them or one of them

01:58:42--> 01:58:46

takes the responsibility it will remove the responsibility from all of them.

01:58:49--> 01:59:10

And is nothing to a son or daughter whichever way you know you make your agreement in your family. How do we how do we get away from older parents who are slack in certain traditions, which is not Islamic being gentle is not following and explaining it is not from the Quran and Sunnah. is

01:59:11--> 01:59:56

public so not bitter or from soon, okay? Look, if I've just explained to you, if your parents move out of Islam, if your parents moved to the worst thing they can do, which is ship, I've still told you that you gotta have a good companionship with your parents. Now this question is saying that if there's some sectarian disagreement in your house, what do you do? Well, you still have to be good to your parents. There's no question that Well, how do you deal with if you asked me that, then look, you depending on the situation, whatever the situation is, and you must find a good way of approaching them if you believe that they're on the wrong thing. Now for that you need to go to your

01:59:56--> 01:59:56

email,

01:59:57--> 01:59:59

to ask a man, someone you trust.

02:00:00--> 02:00:02

Is this correct? It is not correct.

02:00:03--> 02:00:15

Is this thing better? Or is it is sooner? And whatever the situation is, once you've asked that question and they tell you then you ask them for advice. My parents are like this, they do this, I'll tell you one thing is

02:00:16--> 02:00:22

now one of our teachers said a wonderful thing. Once he said that there's three, there's three types of human beings.

02:00:23--> 02:00:28

In terms of receiving your message, or accepting your message or

02:00:29--> 02:00:30

listening to your message.

02:00:32--> 02:00:40

You've got one category of people that will listen to you, and accept what you said, without evidence.

02:00:41--> 02:00:47

There's another group of people, they will listen to you and only accept what you said, with evidence.

02:00:48--> 02:01:06

And a third group of people, they will listen to you. And even if you give them evidence, they still won't accept it. They still won't accept it. He said, even the first group of people they listen to you, listen to you, and accepted without evidence as children, you tell children something that just accepted

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a casual people second one, would you tell them something, and they will accept it once you give them the evidence that young people for you mid age people for you, you give them logic they'll accept. And the third category, you give them evidence, and they answer, they still don't accept it. That's old people for you. Not all old people, please. But there's quite a few old people once they get old, they don't care what you say they are right. And when they get to that stage, if it's your papa, Vito Mama, if it's your parent, right? And they're at that age, when they're not going to accept from you what you're saying, leave them

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if you're giving you data, and they don't accept what you're saying to them, leave them you don't have to go home and create a storm inside your house. A lot of people have made this mistake because all it will happen is they will break away from you. You will break away from them. You will have so many outcomes. I've seen this in teenagers they come to the masjid they learn this is the way it this is the way to pray. You've been praying the wrong way all your life. My dad told your dad when praying rumble you know his life. Oh my god.

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So it goes home says that you're praying wrong? He says someone told you that song in the book. Yeah, sorry, size.

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What have you got the data? Look, my mama told me to

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say your molalla versus the Prophet astok Villa, what are you talking about, and a big situation is created.

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I'm telling you, with all these sectarian doesn't matter how many billions of prayers and movements, whatever. If they're not going to listen to you, leave them

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keep peace. He peace is more important that you love your parents, and they love you before they die than for you to create tension in the house and hatred in their hearts. And for them to deal with. And most of these differences if you ask a good amount, they'll tell you, they're not differences that take you out of the deen Anyway, there are differences that take you out of the deal. So just leave even if they're going and doing something back home or other that you feel is better to just just leave them if they're not going to accept it try to find a nice way try. But there has to come a point when you have to accept that there's no point of going any further. I think the last

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question unless Any other questions come come forward.

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What's the best thing to practice your dean

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didn't answer the question. Can anyone explain monotonously What's the best thing to practice within with the person is saying here asking here Is anyone here who wrote this one Explain yourself.

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Maybe they meant the best way to practice it in the best way. You know, Quran Sunnah you have to go to learn from the moms you have to learn from books you have to learn from this guidance on how to practice the deen but the things that you commonly know your prayers your Salah, your fasting your core and your your knowledge of the heart and your knowledge The sooner that's the best way.

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what's the what's the best actions in the deal? If that's if that's the question then every every person who you give the answer to will differ every person you get down to differ if a person is not doing something that they should do,

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that becomes the best thing for them to practice. So when Rasulullah sallallahu was asked the question, are you Amelie after he was asked? What is the best action of Allah in some Hadith? He said Eman Billa is the is the belief in Allah in some Hadith is a jihad in some Hadith, he said, you know, given tsongkhapa Now why did they give different different, you know, answers because of the questioner. He looked at the question and the what the questioner needed because what do we need? What's the best thing for me? The best thing for me is the thing that I

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don't like to do.

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If I don't like to forgive people, that's the best thing that that's the best I can do. If I'm stingy. Best thing I can do is start giving soda. If I'm going to lock on my email, best thing I can do is increase my email. If I don't like to pray, best thing I can do is pray. It all depends on the question in my head.