Channel: Haifaa Younis
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that's an MIT komarek MIT law or a catalog Smilla will allow salatu salam ala Rasulillah while it he or Sahbihi woman while Welcome to our Tuesday night program, may Allah pantalla accept from all of us may Allah subhanaw taala forgive our shortcomings and may Allah subhanaw taala reward you for joining us from I know we normally in our Tuesday program, we have people from all over the world will be nice to have to know where are you joining us Hamdu lillahi rabbil aalameen As a woman, one of the main challenging
issues and subjects for woman if I will say one of the one of the most frequent, most common questions, woman scholars, and I'm sure even male scholars get is questions about children raising up children, and we will say in the West, but maybe these days, we're gonna say we're going to make it much broader. And we can say this is raising children in this day and age and the day of technology in the days of the Internet and the days of everything is accessible, everything is available and also at the same time raising them as a law obeying abiding
servants of Allah subhanaw taala that's that's a balance that is not easy to reach. And that's a challenge that a lot of the fam Muslim families are actually facing struggling on a daily basis hamdulillah blasphemy as we have have done before in the past, and you probably have got used to that we try to our best to have guests who are let's say have lived it have this is their their expertise if I want to use the word and it gives me a great pleasure to again welcome my dear friend and our shareholders. Zainab Ansari joining us from Tennessee. She has enough Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh Welcome to our Tuesday night program.
are you doing so happy to be here tonight, I'm hungry Langer Brahmin and and before we start, I asked everybody for a huge dua to share. Hasina, going through a cold. And she made a disclaimer. So if you see her drinking some hot thing, just so she can continue mi allottee word Toyota via me. She has enough as we have talked, the last time we met at Hamdulillah. And I met your family and you're a woman who Allah subhanho wa Taala have elevated her status by tests. This is how I say it. You are of BME and as a woman firsthand, and you have three children and three children born and raised in this country, what is the main thing you want to tell to the parents who are listening to us? And
then take it from there?
Absolutely. So again, I'm just so happy to be here. I want to encourage our wonderful viewers to be generous to donate on Giving Tuesday, I think Jen and Sue does wonderful work for women all over the world. And so I think my my my main message and really kind of the takeaway for tonight, let me begin properly with as always Smilla Rahmanir Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa sallahu wa ala Sayidina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sallam.
And again, please forgive me, if you're receiving blowing my nose in the background, you know that it's just this a head cold having to like it's not it's not COVID this COVID test was not gonna have time of year. So
I think my main, my main takeaway Chifa is that we have to be very, very intentional about how we are transmitting our beliefs, our values and principles to our children, because we don't have the advantage of raising children in a Muslim majority environment. And I would humbly suggest even in those environments, there are challenges. So that's what our theme tonight is the idea of parenting with purpose, really taking some time to think very carefully through what is our philosophy of parenting.
I mean, I know you have a presentation you want to start with that.
This man absolutely
I'm just going to warn my my kids that they can't be competing now.
On the internet, you know, for
See, was the first challenge?
Absolutely. So have their, their their good children may may or may please make that for the mate May Allah protect all children. So, you know, so this is really what I want to present tonight number one the idea of what we mean by parenting with purpose and then
does having an actual philosophy of parenting help, and this is what I want to explore, then I also want to look at the question of what have we ended up changing our views about parenting either midstream or after our children are older, we've raised them and then Inshallah, what will the four week series look like? So this is really kind of a snapshot of what I plan on covering Inshallah, over four weeks, I'm developing a course just for gem the institute.
Really excited about this Islamic parenting class that should be offered Inshallah, kind of through January and February, so.
So again, please, you know, forgive me just a little bit under the weather right now, but hoping that by that time, I'll be you know, healthy and caffeinated. And ready, all this this super important. Topic. So, so shall I take it away? Shanghai bot? Yes, please. Okay. Bismillah. So, that very first question, so I have these beautiful agate in sorts of opinion, but before we look at the AI Inshallah, to Allah, let me kind of give you the background here. So the background,
the interest terms of this question of parenting with purpose, and why I've been thinking about this a lot is because I think for, for those of us that, you know, Allah, Allah has blessed us with this, you know, a manner of raising children of becoming parents, it's really interesting, you have so many different journeys, so many different stories. So for example, you have the, the story of the couple, whose journey,
whose journey towards becoming parents is often a very long journey, maybe after many years of, of,
of being patient of trying different treatments, and so on. Finally, Allah to Allah has blessed that couple with children. So that's it. And that's a very different experience, for example, from, say, a couple that gets married, and fairly soon after getting married, you know, they conceive, and you know, they're having they're having a child early on in the marriage. And then sometimes it's kind of between that maybe there is a period of so called Family Planning, and then the children come. So what I really want to emphasize is that, you know, through these myriad experiences, I want us to think about this idea of parenting with purpose, because I think that for those people that have a
child fairly quickly, for the couple that waits a long time for children, obviously, they're probably thinking more about their parenting, philosophy and so on. But what really kind of I think brings all these different experiences together, is just the reminder that there's nothing haphazard, or kind of coincidental about having children that have all the Oh, Zach, the different provisions that visit that Allah blesses us with that children, that's definitely one of those things. So and I'm going to be getting more into what we mean by provision, whether it's material, whether it's familial, whether it's spiritual, that's gonna be part of what we'll be covering,
Inshallah, tada, but you really take a step back, think about the different Azog that Allah Tada the provisions Allah has provided, what forms think come in, and to really take some time to think about what is our objective, what is our purpose, I always think about the beautiful Hadith never we, in the elderly, yet where our beloved Prophet said peace be upon him that verily, actions are according to intentions, you know, there is there are beautiful intentions for marriage. Beautiful sort of supplications and, and it's sort of really kind of almost a statement of intent or purpose that our alumna have actually composed and people will often kind of incorporate that into, you know, their,
their wedding and so on. And I also want us to think about parenting and this notice that I don't know that everybody is going to go out and basically write kind of a mission statement, but I think could actually be helpful. So that when we have this this, you know, this great amount of this great responsibility of raising the next generation of believers
that we go about it in a way that I think is more well thought out. And it's more skillful. And, you know, again, the reason why I'm, I'm sharing this is because,
you know, it's something that I thought about obviously, and you know, I had that experience of becoming apparent very quickly, and really having to grow up through that process. And you know, how that is, you know, Shaikha that often, after or in the midst of an experience, or maybe some, after some time or some distance from that experience, we always kind of look back in retrospect to say, Okay, what could I have done things differently, or better or improved upon that? You know, it of course, for many of us as women, our example is going to be our mother. And you know, may Allah preserve our mothers and have mercy on on the mothers on, you know, so that really is that role
model for us. So my experience was, of course, looking at my mother and she's so well read, and just really kind of voraciously reading and studying about parenting, and natural kind of child rearing and all these different philosophies. And then
again, in on waiting many years, she, she, my dad, my mother and father being married nine years or so, before I was born. But like I said, my experience was very different from that.
oh, I think we should have Xena, you know, oh, I might do I disappear? Yes. Okay.
Good. Now much better 100.
my internet is still a little bit a little bit sketchy. So. So but I but I was what I was saying Shayla is that, you know, so with my experience, becoming a parent fairly early on, and then my eldest child, also having special needs, it really got me thinking about this idea of what it means to bring purpose to parenting. And again, what I want our audience to understand is that, because it sounds very nice mission statement, and statement of intent, and philosophy and all these things, but then once you get into it, and you're, you know, confronted with the very real challenge of raising children, navigating the different the personalities, the temporary muscle shape, you know,
you're a physician. So, you know, it's so interesting, you know, with babies, that you actually kind of see personalities developing and babies very early on. So it's fascinating. So, then I noticed looking at my children, even for my daughters, who are very close in age, the personalities are so different. So you know, what I also want to acknowledge is that, while we, while we want to infuse everything we do with a sense of purpose, and clarity and understanding that we have to under we also have to understand here that that philosophy that we develop,
it's good to develop that philosophy, by the way, part of what we'll be looking at Inshallah, over the four week course is, are there Islamic philosophies of parenting? Absolutely. What is that Protic methodology, what is the methodology that we learned from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam, who is just a beautiful example, par excellence for how to be a parent. But you know, what happens when we have to kind of,
kind of reformulate or ideas, what happens when we have to make changes and adjustments. And I think that's actually a good thing. Because, again, when you're in the, kind of the thick of that, and you're dealing with the different personalities, temperaments, challenges, behavior issues,
and even just the day to day, logistics, and challenges,
you know, of parenting, it's easy to get kind of get lost in the day to day, you know, responsibilities, and then actually lose sight of the fact that there's a purpose behind this, even if we can't see it, you know, kind of immediately that day to day, kind of list of responsibilities. So that's something that I just really wanted to, to really kind of center
you know, for, for our reflection tonight. So purpose, which is Subhanallah purpose or goal or focus in everything. This is how I remind myself and everyone is we need to have a focus in everything. So, and sometimes my patients, I mean, if they're my friends is like, I want to have a child, I'm getting anxious or not pregnant yet. And I my immediate question is, why do you want to have a child? You know, they look at me and it was like, No, of course I want to have a child. Right? But I was like, no, really exactly. Think about
Why do you want to have children? While everybody has children hamdulillah Xena to hire the dunya hamdulillah It's the beauty of the slide, but exactly purpose why Subhan Allah? And here you are.
You know, I'm really happy Shayla that you that you ask, you know that you ask your patience that question because again, in our Islamic tradition, there are certain kind of things that are really almost a given
for women that, you know, kind of embrace those, basically that traditional
model of femininity, you know, many of us have, and one of my students asked me the other day, she said, is, is it not this question, Shankill? She's is it not? The sort of the journey or that really the trajectory of the Muslim woman is that she goes from the home of her father, to the home of her husband? And then to the grave? That's literally the question, that it's all basically kind of like planned out for her, you know, very traditional gender roles. And I said, Look, I said, in many societies, that that is the case for many women, but I said, even in very traditional societies, that has started to change, and, you know, what I want all of us to understand is that, if we you
know, and of course, there are certain assumptions embedded in that which I think we have to look at. But you know, again, even if,
you know, our aspiration is very much okay, and get married at an early age, have children have many children, focus on raising a family taking care of the household, and that's totally okay. I mean, this is this is really that this has been the experience of many Muslim women, obviously, over the generations and we know that part of the beauty of femininity in Islam is to actually be able to kind of embrace that role and feel that, that we've made our contribution that way. But what I will say Shaikha is that
even assuming that's going to be our path, we have to make sure that we understand the purpose that Allah Allah has established for us in following that path that also be prepared in case we end up taking a path that diverges from that right
right. So so Miss Milla let me hear more I'm enjoying it.
So it was a and that comes to mind Shayla is always suited and let me know when you don't chapter 23 of the noble of AD and I have the is right here that inshallah to Allah I want to, to to read for audience and let me just give you, you know, also, is everyone able to see me still just let me know inshallah. Yeah, I look.
Okay, excellent. You know, another reason why I wanted to share this particular suit and why it appeals to me so much is because no Xinghai get a lot of questions about
you know, about women and gender in Islam. And I get a lot of questions about the language, the Quran. And,
you know, I get questions about,
you know, when, when Allah subhanaw taala addresses, the believers or addresses men, or women included in this.
A lot of young ladies, you know, especially if they adhere to kind of more feminist orientations, you know, they have a lot of questions about the tradition. And
they struggle, sometimes it's some of the things that we read, say in books and football and Islamic law and so on. And I always like to point them back to the Surah, who did what lead on and to really emphasize that how, you know, whatever Allah to Allah, kind of, you know, basically kind of manifests for us in our in terms of our, our worldly roles and our portion, we always have to take it back to what I like to call the ontological, which is the idea that men and women are created from a single essence. And that is that soul that recognizes the need to submit to Allah subhanho wa Taala and that whatever
our journey ends up being in this world, and what ever field of endeavor we find ourselves in,
you know, educational attainments, marriage family, you know, all these different things that, that that ultimately it goes back to the extent to which we're able to actually carry out this particular mission statement, which is a divine mission statement, and that's why I love this sort of what we know because here a lotta Allah is literally giving us
What is the the pathway of success? So let's go ahead and take a look at these as I'll read the Arabic than the English and the articles for Buttercup, I will be there even a Shakeology is Latin for him, but the EFA helped me known and levena hope you saw it him harsh your own.
One lady the home I don't know who you are we do when the we will let you know who is a caretaker and one that you know who's rooting and healthy we Fuji and healthy his own Illa as well geomagnetic it's a nanometer in the home of Edelman, you mean for many patella Waddell and Erica Erica humara, June when leadin and we want to highlight this area when levena from the MNF see him where I could see him in law or one. When let you know whom Allah Allah wa T him your healthy Lord
Buddha eco humble very soon, el Medina Arizona to the dose on a Harley don't follow him. So this is a beautiful
scooter. And we're going to look at the translation of these areas that I read. So first, I'll look to add an action to help me know that means that the believers, this the the usage of the past tense verb is so compelling, because Allah to Allah is telling us that the believers, they were successful, they are successful, and they will be successful. Why? Because they have all these qualities. They are because who they are humble in their prayers, they turn away from them talk, they are active in giving charity, they guard their chastity except from their spouses, for those whom their right hand is justly possess. But then whoever seeks more than that, who transgresses
beyond that Allah says they are the transgressors, those who have this particular a will to highlight this, that those who preserve their trusts and their covenants. And those who give they are consistent with their prayers, they are the ones who will inherit, and they inherit, and the temples were in they will dwell forever. So for me, Shinto, the reason why I find these ideas, so inspiring is because they're universal. So in other words, we take we take the it helps us to transcend the particulars of time, that time, the place ie, the historical era, in which we're born, culture, society, circumstances, family, blood ties, all these different things, material wealth,
children, marriage, like all these particulars, of basically the human existence, this area, these areas allow us to transcend that to the universal
and because, you know, what is your what's, you know, what's interesting, I just, I'm sorry to interrupt because what you just said, because, again, a lot of the woman, young generation, and maybe even not that, necessarily only young generation asked about this feminine. This is one of the answers I actually use this one to answer because Allah says me noon, and that means plural, that means man and woman, you have these qualities. And this is nothing to do with gender Subhanallah nothing to do with gender. You have this and then it's this is like you can say it's it's it's it's a requirement. You want to go to gym, that's what I always tell myself, you want to go to Jana, you
want to for sure, go to Jenna and you will be one of those who will inherit Jenna fulfill these Subhan Allah and Allah give it one by one applies to men and woman and it's beautiful. I love soul communion general but special, the beginning of the end is amazing. Subhanallah
Thank you chef I'm really happy to hear that that you tell your students to go to this school and you're right because you know Arabic is true beautiful language, or rich language everybody, teacher, Damascus, male or worker are sick. It's just a little like solidity yet so rich. It's hard to translate, you know? And it's, it's a kind of law, that that that term of what we do and there's so much that is wrapped up with that term. And I think sometimes we forget because, you know, we're so kind of caught up in sort of contemporary ideologies, that we forget that this is like this is the signifier like this is what confers dignity upon us. It's been of the what we know and and then
when when Allah to Allah is addressing what we don't have a Quran. This is not excluding women, women are always included in that I think we've always been very beginning and we know the overhead of not being in very famously asked the Prophet, at least some about that. And the idea of Allah has AB was revealed. So so this is what we need to keep in mind and like I say, focus on the idea of the Amana
Schaefer this particular area will let you know that he was wrong because if we're going to talk more about that and show like the four week course, right, but this idea of the amount that the I had, and what you know, again, we that there's a very real impact on our children.
And when they realize how serious we are about that, Amanda or not, like they, it really, really affects them. So I want to spend a lot of time in sha Allah or you know, as much time as we can,
discussing what is meant by EMET, this idea of the Avada and their heads. And,
you know, related to that. Shanklin, I know, we want to also make sure that we you know, we we have time to just let me know about the q&a. But you know, that is this idea of
the rights that we owe our children. And, you know, this is something that I wanted to present to our audience tonight, that, you know, as we're thinking about our philosophy, apparently when I say philosophy, by the way, you know, I don't want you know, I don't want anyone to kind of kind of misunderstand that, you know, when we say philosophy, we're not talking about something that is kind of outside of the principles in the Quran and the Sunnah, you know, we're always looking at
our primary sources of guidance. But I also understand that I think it really behooves the, the Muslim parent today to kind of understand what are the arguments? What are the different philosophies out there? How are experts talking about parenting? What are the challenges that that parents face? You know, it's a very different day and age, which are children coming up Shave Club, I think about when I was coming up, and the 80s and 90s. And then I look at the challenges that my children are dealing with, and you know, how shameful they are just so many things that that we have to take into consideration. I'll be inshallah touching on this for the four week class. I mean, just
social media before we get to this bill of rights, just social media alone. I mean, I tell my children, and they laugh at me shameful. But I tell them look, when I was small, the computer we had was something called it was called a Commodore 64. It was like a big box. And you couldn't do much with it.
We just use it to these little kind of like very kind of innocent, very, very rudimentary looking kind of computer games.
And that was it, you know, then something came along. We had he had like game cartridges, and then you had something What do they bring after that? I guess they brought floppy disks or whatever. So, you know, they laugh at me. Because I tell them that I It wasn't till I was like, I don't know. 17 where I first when I first discovered Nintendo.
My mother, may Allah reward her. She walked into the family room one day, and she saw that my sister and I were glued to the Nintendo PlayStation. We had it connected to our TV. She's like, No, that's it. She took it away. Oh,
that was the end of Nintendo. So
now it's like they have these smartphones. And they're just they are our children literally shake up just by reaching into their pocket. They have everything there at their fingertips. Like we can't even like we can't even imagine this when you're coming up. Yes. So, so Subhanallah because, like I told my kids, there are so many challenges and like social media, once we get into Tik Tok, and Instagram and Snapchat, it just it again, it raises a set of questions and concerns that so many generations of Muslim parents never had to grapple with. True. So true. So I love the Muslim Child Bill of Rights. I love that, that's sure has been avanzada production, right?
I guess I guess I could I guess I could get a trademark or something. Exactly.
Already, so let's let's go through them via their beautiful, Pamela. Thank you. She has so you know, the reason why this is so important to me is I was you know I can I think about the idea of herbal biller had her book alive. And so the idea that you have the book or the rights that belong to Allah to Allah, and the rights that belong to the servants of God, and you know that there is so much and the way these rights intersect, and then how often you know, when it comes to sort of, say we overstep the bounds as it applies to the rights of Allah to Allah, how Allah Tada is forgiving or often overlook so many things. But when it comes to her poker, a bad that's a very different
conversation, that often Allah Tala is not going to, you know, overlook some type of violation or transgression. You know, as it applies to walk like that, and especially the most vulnerable of those of those servants of God that are of course children and young people. So that's why really thinking again, very intentionally about what our
The rights that I owe to these children whom Allah that were or with whom Allah to Allah has gifted me.
You know, subhanAllah if I need, you know, I know that you know this better than better than me, in your experience martial law, you know, in the field of Dawa, but how many times have we perhaps met adults, and they'll come, and they'll say that they learned very little about this religion. And they find themselves as adults having to relearn so much, because there were some that some basic building blocks that were not that we're not in place. So this is, you know, again, what we have to whether we, the children come quickly in the marriage, or there's many years of waiting for children, that there's this core set of rights that we have to make sure and ideally share how we're
going to think about, can we fulfill this, Amanda? Can we deliver these rites properly, even before we become parents, and number one is to enable that child to know his or her his or her love? Can we do that? And of course, that goes back to how, what is our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala? Because if we don't know who we are, as believers, if we do not understand what is our relationship with Allah to Allah, it's going to be very difficult for us to transmit that to our children. And I think she's like, No, I think a lot of times with families, sometimes we struggle with kind of having the spiritual vocabulary, and the kind of the theological, sort of language to even be able
to talk about who is ALLAH SubhanA Tada, you know, with with our children. So that's the very first piece of this.
So to know a loss, I'm going through them and I loved one you say her and the number two, you say his to this, it's applies to I love that. So the message from these 10 The first two is what you said it right now, I need to know who's Allah before I become a mother.
Or I become old for the men to become father because if I don't know who is he, how I'm going to teach my children
and to know Swati salatu salam, and I must gonna say, and I'm sure you agree with me, she has to be an expert, and everybody is going to be a day and a scholar. But at least the basics, the basic source of who's Allah the real tell, he's the one he's the one who gives, he's the one who hold. He's the one who have control, the Most Compassionate, the most passionate are also at a Salado center. Can you elaborate on to know her or himself?
Absolutely share HUD so so you know, so again, and I really appreciate your commentary. So yes, so those are the first two that third what to know himself or herself. So the reason why I have this year Shayla is we know that, you know, there's a very, very famous saying that whoever knows, himself knows, knows his Lord, right? So, so that's the thing that Allah to Allah placed us in a physical world that is governed by natural laws, where there are very clear ads or signs of Allah to Allah's existence. And, you know, and Inshallah, we'll be looking at this in our class, but the foremost of those signs is the the sort of the, the intricacy and the complexity of the human being.
And and this is the thing, again, why I mentioned social media shaida, because we think that we're becoming more connected, you know, through social media, but no studies have found that, honestly, there's just that young people that spend a lot of time on social media end up becoming so disconnected from what's actually happening around them. And,
you know, there's, there's a book and show that when I recommend, I'll remember, I'll think of the title just a second. But this idea, what do they call this, it's kind of like nature deficit disorder, or something, they call it, this, in other words, that we are so disconnected from ourselves, from our bodies, from our emotions, from the natural environment from the world around us. And, you know, once we actually begin to think and just even
reflect upon, like I said, just the creation of the human being, that is really a way to know, to know, a loss of habitat. And again, that's why a lot of young people are struggling, because they're so disconnected from their selves. They're not grounded and you can't blame them because the adults aren't grounded. You know, we're disconnected.
There's so many of us. Yes, I'm sorry. But I just want to ensure I understand, so to know herself is to know that she or he, the child is a human being. He's here for he or she here for a purpose.
Part of the purpose is to know the Creator part of the purpose to serve this earth. Part of the purpose is to be a good human being and not surprised mischief and destruction on this earth. Am I right? Is that what you are? Yes. So what I what I mean by the shaker is, I want our young people to understand sort of on the level of the existence ontological metaphysical, that Allah to Allah has made us Khalifa. Right. So we don't want to look down as the angels,
that Allah Tada, that is going to make a Khalifa in this and this on this earth. So, so to kind of understand the role of the human being writ large.
But to also understand,
on the level of the individual, like, why Allah to other places in this world, in this particular family, this community this context, because a lot of young people are really struggling to answer that question of does does is there any larger purpose to their existence. So I, when I think about the shape, I think about it, you know, on the level of this, in the javelins of of the Khalifa, like I think of it in that sense. But I also think that in terms of can that young person right now, in this moment, understand why he or she was brought into existence,
through the day to day experiences that are not exciting, they're not glamorous, they're not romantic, they don't seem to be very kind of momentous, but just in those normal day to day also kind of interactions. That's what I want them to understand. Because my concern Shangela, is that for a lot of our young people,
they kind of go through kind of
a series of rote activities. by rote activities. I mean, they have basically planned out by their parents or teachers, this is what you're going to do. This is what you're going to say, this is how you dress, this is where you go to school, this is what you eat.
You know, but once that young person begins to know himself or herself, they understand that everything has larger purpose and meaning.
And I think that also helps them to deal with the fact that their lives for the longest are really kind of about a bigger set of rules. And my idea is that the more self knowledge they have, the more the logic behind those rules, I think becomes evident. And again, the parents has to know this, they have to know, like us, I wouldn't say only prints us as an adult, I think this the Muslim child will have rights. I think this is the Muslim, the Muslim, Muslim, or slash Muslim, what they should know.
Because I need to know why I'm here it literally because if I don't have it, I can't give it I was reading it. And it's like, I need to know who I am. Right? And as a Muslim, or as a Muslim, who I am, why I am here. What does he capital H expect from me? What is he gonna ask me about?
And these, if I have them, I can translate them into a daily, day to day language, and day to day language with the children. The other thing I was looking at the five and six compassion and receive love.
So treated with compassion and receive love, can you I love it, but can you elaborate, have solutions? So I think that you are, you know, we think of love and compassion as being the same, but I think that I think they can overlap. And I think they can be different, you know, it's, it's a panel, it's, it's possible, for example of just, you know, just my own experiences as as, as a mom, you know that to have those moments where you know, you love your your children. But if that particular moment there really, maybe there's some very difficult behavior or what have you, are they likeable? There's a big difference there. And the compassion comes in because that compassion,
having maybe empathy is also a good word.
It allows you to kind of see that that scenario, more from the child's point of view, which can be really helpful she has so you know, so that moment can be navigated without sort of an angry outburst, or wanting to kind of harshly discipline a child, I think about the example the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam had both, he was able to show both love and compassion, but you know, one of the things that we really understand
you know, from the Sunnah of the Prophet alayhi salatu salam, you know, is that, you know, he, he was dealing with people that often they didn't really understand what it meant to be sort of compassionate. There's a very famous story of course of the Bedouin that comes to him and the man had never kissed his children and he had 10
Children of the Prophet said peace be upon him, you know, what can I do for someone that if Allah Tada has removed that mercy from their heart, so one time, I want us to understand that because, you know, this is a very important principle in our religion, that that, that that when maybe the the love or just liking the affinity for that person is being tested, that that compassion comes in. And that compassion ensures that you are still able to give that person their rights, even when it's a very difficult situation. You know, it also applies to marriage as well. So, so treated with compassion, I would put a slash This is mean how I understand is without cruelty. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
The two extreme is never discipline the child is as the worst. And oh, discipline with cruelty with harshness, that's bad. Also, that's and then to receive love, that they know they are loved. Even if they are disciplined, they are loved. Mmm, did I understand that? Right? Absolutely. Yes, yes, I'm definitely making sure that that balance is there. Because the thing is, you know, with you know, love, you're going to talk about kind of like a love hate kind of relationship or spectrum, you know, that those those feelings of like very intense love, if we're not careful, there's kind of like a mirror, opposite of really kind of intense dislike, and making sure that, you know, in those
moments, were really kind of, like tested by something that our children are doing or not doing, or what have you, that we're not, you know, obviously kind of going overboard, when it comes to matters of matters of discipline.
So, like I said, really be able to see and it can be very difficult to go have a chance to actually see things from their point of view. But are there going to be some strategies that inshallah I'll be sharing as part of the class and show the four week class on how we work on having empathy because often, misbehavior is a cry for help, and to really be able to understand that
and then to to acquire sound knowledge, that's really nice. Are you talking about Islamic knowledge? Are you talking about being readers being educated? What do you mean by sound knowledge?
That's interesting that and I noticed because panel because I got I got the idea of learning of knowing the book of Allah subhanaw taala but this idea of acquiring South knowledge, I guess, I really am thinking very much about education and kind of holistic education for the child
and to make sure
that our children that are really kind of given the tools Shailaja really kind of assess ultimately which knowledge is beneficial for them. Now this is probably going to apply more more for older children, you know, especially once they go to high school and college because they're going to be confronted with very different set of values ideologies and so on and that and that's something I mean, I want you know, I'm very and I think she has the service you offer so wonderful mashallah you know, it's it's there a fair there's a fairly large number of children I would say that maybe are not being given that full day knowledge in the proper way. So I think to make sure that what's
personally obligatory for them to know as Muslims like essential as believers to make sure that foundation exists from early childhood upwards and then as young adults to make sure they have the tools to understand what is to their benefit. So so I'm just thinking as you said the sound cuz I love the word sound silly knowledge Elmo setting. And for example, and this is something I think all parents needs to pay attention to is is what they are watching and I'm talking about three and four and five year old I'm not talking about the older yet. And literally I mean I had a friend of mine, may Allah He wouldn't Allah bless her now they are all grown up and she said I used to sit with them
and watch and watch it because I really need to know what they are seeing. So sound knowledge is not what only what we are teaching them but what they are receiving. And we need to remember when they go to school, there is a little bit we have no control over it anymore. But at least when they are in our homes, by what they are watching, at what what gifts they are getting in sometimes Subhanallah I mean, I watched sometimes I watch cartoons and I just want to see what our OMA is watching and our children sometimes you want answer Subhan Allah but it's not the time of Bambi and remember and the animals and everything was so beautiful, a peaceful Subhan Allah and then to be in
doubt with age appropriate Yes. So it responsibilities so I what I want to talk about Schaffer Chawla is you know with the upcoming series is what is this idea of tech leaf? You know, cuz I think there's so much wisdom and and
You know, these traditional methods of telethia? You know, the idea, you know, to cleave the idea of kind of giving, you know, responsibility course we know that, that that for someone to be able can left individual, legally responsible, certain things have to happen in terms of development and so on. But, you know, there are, you know, there's prayer, for example, is a great, it's a great example of this, we don't wait to the person as an adolescent, the person's an adolescent, and then we say, Go and pray. There's, you know, kind of working, working up to that
by teaching and giving them things to do and learn and kind of participate in, you know, along the way. And that's the thing that she's like, Yeah, I really think there's something that there's something to be said, about being able to trust children with tasks and responsibilities as appropriate for their developmental level. Because otherwise, I feel like if we don't, if we don't do that, we're going to end up with adults that are really kind of handicapped in a way, we want to make sure they're being there. They're prepared for that world of adults.
Again, with compassion, yes, possibility with compassion.
And even again, sometimes they whine, they don't like it, they don't do it. But it's, like, I remember very well, when I was growing up. And may Allah give my mother genetic for dose is like, eight or nine years of age, and come No, we were six. So it's not like one or two. But she made sure that each one of us, and the girls and the boys had a responsibility from that young age. And then I remember always used to say, one day, you may need this, then you don't find it difficult. Subhan Allah, so any appropriate, responsible to take the trash out, you know, bring, bring the mail, clean the table. And sometimes when I was like, they are so young, and you said that beautifully, it's,
and I say this too, especially to the girls in the mothers of girls off like the one that age is going to come you can't turn the switch right away, it doesn't work this way. It's you have to give them ready, whether it's the way they dress or for Salah as an as Muslims, or even if they want to be responsible, and you expect them to take care of you. It has to be absolutely gradual. And I love number 10 I would have said number 10 with everyone. Absolutely with Adam, can you can you comment on this? Yahshua?
Absolutely. So you know, this one, this one, some people might say you should put this as number one because, you know, ultimately it's about learning what is the correct ends up with ALLAH SubhanA to Allah with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam with our parents and elders and, and teachers and appears so and that's the thing we know that that this is,
you know, this is it's a religion, that very much is defined by understanding was the, you know, what sort of, I think about, you know, the idea of liquidly McCobb. And all the idea that what is befitting for every situation and held the Prophet Adi sought to set out had so much refinement, you know, and incense to a, you know, a culture where they weren't really known for that, and how he just brought just a way of being in this world that has so much beauty and purity and elegance about it. And I think that was sorely needed at this date, ha, ha, you know, the culture has changed, values have changed, things have really deteriorated. And I, you know, I really feel very strongly
that we have to begin this process of teaching at depth from a very young age. Because it might be to where, where maybe that's the, you know, for, for young people, they might not remember the details of the knowledge that we tried to impart, but they remember the way that we were, you know, the ads, and the etiquette, there's just so much that transmitted this way, you know, again, sort of through,
you know, because what is culture Schaefer, if it's not sort of the ability to kind of, like transmit our values. And
so, and one thing for parents because it's when you when the children goes to school, then you get to the point where again, it's not your it's, I wouldn't say it's your they are not, they are not under your control, but you have lost a percentage of it.
So, you know, once they go to school, they spend eight hours there or 10 hours with their friends and then they get exposed and peer pressure and all what we know of this. So the more you have equipped them when they are young, with this with absolutely no etiquette. You call him a commie makalah. I love this word, every situation. There's a thing to say. And there is a way to say it. If we teach our children from two or three when he or she gets angry, how to respond. That's their they
have emotions for how to say it and how to respond when they are very happy and when they have a gift is all these add up and that when they get the end of of this in the comes the end of Allah when they become adults, when they come by low, then they know the other Buddha, Allah pantalla the other Buddha, Swati salatu salam, and again, parents needs to learn this in any I think parenting classes before somebody gets pregnant or even before they get married is extremely important. Subhan Allah there's only nine minutes left. I want you to make dua for a beautiful sister who I just saw her name now, who Allah subhanho wa Taala
blessed her with being a Muslim last Saturday Subhan Allah and I'm going to bring her here, Lisa. Absolutely. We mystery I say how? Yeah, here we go.
Lisa actually, we had this womanhood program in California Pleasanton, we mystery Ayesha hamdulillah was really nice. We are all woman. And there was a good number of people who are young and old and was really nice. It was a whole day program. As Paola at the end, as we say Kitamura misc as Allah pantalla said in the Quran, like the end is the this mosque smell. We got this text message the PR was reading to us that there is two ladies who wanted to take shahada and we had no idea who these are. And then we said where are they and I even joked I was like, I'll fly to them. And then next thing within 30 minutes, they said one of them is on her way. Subhanallah and to be Lisa is a young
woman here we go. Who grew up and this is the reason I'm sharing this number one to make dua for her. A young woman married to a young mashallah Tabata kala Muslim, may Allah protect them. May Allah keeper strong, may Allah keep her on the right path. May Allah send her all the people who support number one and number two, for all of us Muslim, she grew up in Oman as a non Muslim. That was her first exposure to Islam. And I lead this 40 Russia, if you want to tell her anything.
Well, you know, sister, Lisa, what a beautiful journey that you're embarking upon. I just, you know, there's something that always makes my heart kind of just, it just it It's heartwarming, and, you know, that, that, that, that sort of, there's a wonder that you find in Islam, you know, as a new Muslim, and I ask Allah to Allah to always let the wonders of Islam and the beauty and its Marvels just grow for you ask Allah Subhana Allah to just to preserve for you your Eman and, and to grant you
always the best of support best of companionship and, and peace and safety and security. And yeah, please I mean, that's what all of us want me Allah to Allah grant you that you clean that surety of faith. And please make to offer us because that's a very, very special moment, that moment of shahada and embarking on that journey. So you have I'm so thrilled to hear about about your sister Lisa and and what wonderful so that you had a shot at the gathering. And I'm the director I'm jealous she looked at me and said I mean it because now you came pure, clean Elliston we had him a cobbler once we get once the person becomes a Muslim everything before it is gone. There is nothing
the page is is white. So my Allah's pantalla keep her strong European.
Euro be me and all of us, European me. Do we have more? We still have about five minutes.
I think there was a question. I am not finding it, but I'm gonna probably take my mind. And I think a lot working woman, a woman who has to work, right working woman and has a child and you are one of them. Yeah, ha ha. So all this beauty, how can she do it? And she's a full time mom and a full time worker and a single mother SubhanAllah. And at your experience that is not easy. But how do you tell her what advice you give this woman?
No, I would say for you know, for there are so many mothers that are juggling motherhood, and in many cases being single moms and of course, stepping into that role of supporting the family. And I think what I would say is,
is you have to be lying to yourself. You have to remember that Islamic history is actually replete with women that were single mothers and look at the mother of Imam a chef I look at the father and mother of Yvonne Bahati. There's so many wonderful examples and
you know, we think about him and you know, think about say the Hadith I mean, she was widowed twice before she married the Prophet of Allah
He was sending them. So we have some amazing role models out there. But you have to be kind to yourself, you have to make sure that you're not kind of in competition with you know, with with your idea what you think is a supermom, you know, you also have to be careful about perfectionism, because I think that can often be sort of the, the enemy really kind of accomplishing anything. And to never despair of the, the power and the efficacy of DHA, is what I would say very quickly on show lifeplan in addressing this further shadow with the four week series, but I would say that sometimes, you know, in all the, the incredible like level, you know that that sort of you think
about the responsibility, it can feel very overwhelming that you really understand that Allah Tada,
you know, that is not does not place a burden greater than that we can bear. So like a little little lesson in that was I had to really remind yourself of that right might not necessarily be the kind of that the trajectory that we thought we were going to be on but Allah Tada knows best, you have to tell yourself. So I put this because that's a very common question. Yes. anger and bitterness with children young and old.
Yes, I that's how I will add that that's where I think that that,
I think just the emotional intelligence. And by that, I mean, making sure that we are doing two things here, one, that we have the support the emotional support that we need, you know, to kind of navigate, oftentimes complicated feelings about our children, and to make sure that we understand that there's no such thing as sort of, you know, that children are not basically perfect little carbon copies of the adults that raised them, they really are going to become their own people, no matter what we do, doesn't mean that we stopped working, and we don't carry out our responsibilities. Absolutely, we have to make sure they receive the rights that are due to them. But
to also understand that we have so many examples of blog we have, for example, you know, in our in our history exam, for example, St. Joe had a Alayhis Salam, you know, he was not able to save his sub, so we have to, you know, this is where inshallah I think that we'll talk more about this, I would also say kind of working with therapists and counselors can also be very helpful, because there's kind of a certain point Chaillot where there has to be a process of kind of like letting certain things go just for the sake of our like emotional and kind of like mental health that is very, very important. Bitterness, not to help if the anger is to the point where it's becoming
expressed with physical or the bitterness to the point where we are start feeling sorry about ourselves, your absolute any again hamdullah it's seeking help, there is nothing wrong with that at all. And number one, we seek help from him Subhana by the DUA by asking him to make it easy, but also seek help Absolutely. Subhanallah there's only one minute left two things. This course inshallah we'll start mid January to mid February, we're going to be announcing it next week in sha Allah you can visit our website and you can absolutely register we would love to have you all and the number two is to remember today is Tuesday Giving Tuesday and this is a good it's a good gesture
the you probably have received I personally have received so much many texts since morning a higher and this is how I look at it Allah has is bringing to me to my home an opportunity to give charity and doesn't mean you have to give a lot whatever you can for us in general instituted 100 by every time such campaign has taken place. We ended up improving Willingham improved our as we saw in the beginning humbler blimey now we have even improved our software improved our website, we have hired more people were able to give more programs. So absolutely, we'd love your support. Sheikh Hasina. This is not the last time as we always say in Sharma for sure. Does that kilo head you want to say
the law? I leave the last word to you? What Yeah, I think she thought I'm just so honored to be here to join this gathering. And I just asked Allah Subhana Allah to bless Jenna it's to success and to really allow efforts to permeate through the world and to extend into the alpha. And may Your Hessonite always be amplified che ha.
Wonderful service you're providing. So I want to encourage our audience to to donate to be generous. We know that silica never decreases wealth. And I look forward and shoulder to add to kind of exploring these ideas further. For the four week series via a lotta to just just, I think my one.my main job tonight che left
For a lot to either to preserve the emotion of our young people because their their their their Eman is being affected in ways that we wouldn't even think about
it. Exactly. May Allah pantah preserve all of us young and old, but specifically the youth your soul right, humbler blonde ninja Kula Highlands panic Alohomora handy eyeshadow unlike dagga and stuff we will cover today so Allah Allah say Nam hum while it