Tap into your potential – 31.10.2013

Edris Khamissa


Channel: Edris Khamissa


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The radio Islam guest discusses the importance of finding happiness in life and finding one's own worth. They emphasize the need for balance and finding one's own beauty in oneself, avoiding harms in relationships, and avoiding dysfunctional relationships to avoid problems. They also stress the importance of forgiveness and sharing good friendships to create burial at home. The segment emphasizes the need for forgiveness and finding ways to show remorse in relationships.

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Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

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Welcome to radio Islam International. on the line with us this morning is our guest from Durban brother Idris Hamza. salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Aleikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakato. How are you, maulana? I am very well Hamdulillah, Alaska, it is by How are you this morning? I am a wonderful I always feel wonderful. I feel great whenever I see you. And because of your pleasant disposition, is my earnest prayer that others also embrace your endearing personality, the warmth and joy to the listings and to people around you, inshallah? I mean, I mean, it is my most beautiful Thursday morning, indeed, yes, we are, we tend to overlook the simple and the day to

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day in the amas. And bounties Allah has given us and we try and look for for those big things, it is, by keeping that in mind and keeping the reverse idea of looking for big things over the small daily things. It brings me to a topic, a very interesting one, that in life, and somebody sent us a message or an email once that we are always looking for that event to happen, we're always looking for that thing to take place, before we can actually be happy. But happiness is the actual journey of getting there. So know what you're saying is so true. Because you know, you cannot pursue happiness, happiness is an outcome of what you do. And when you appreciate the simple pleasures in

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life. I mean, he, for example, people listening to the radio station, if they appreciate the knowledge they getting from the station, if they look out and see the sunlight, and they look at all of these things, you can never, ever count infinity, the blessings that come from Allah, a smile from your family, and so on and so forth. And beyond those, I mean, it's like a gambler, you know, many gamblers, the the constant began to ignore ignored in one day, they will hit it big, but in the process, the living on false hope, the ideally eroding you know, the material benefits. And it's about us, you know, in the Quran is very, very clear.

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A demand from us to reflect on who we are to reflect on our last creation, the beauty of it all, and they are those you know, I've given you a simple example and I cannot help but talk about our beloved Maulana Yunus Patel, may Allah grant him the highest status in general. And I don't know if I mentioned this, that if I did this, okay, it's a lesson for us when he went to the Victoria Falls, and when the

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event to a caffeine aside or wherever, and the waitress asked him, you know, what brings you to this part of the world. And the often the response, which is nothing wrong with it. And I've come to see the beautiful Victoria Falls. And his response was so different because he's, he's always been acutely conscious of our line everything all the time, and in the free can make it a, you know, an integral part for life. Then what we see we see a lava tube feed, it's about Allah's creation, and so on and so forth, then we show a lot more gratitude, and the little things will give us immense pleasure. Some people get no pleasure from little things. So anyway, he asked him What brings you

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here and look at what modern endless Patel said. He said, No, I, I've come here to appreciate, you know, God's creation. And this person was so taken aback. He said, I've met so many people, no one has ever mentioned that but why are you saying that? in Milan, respectively in his own simple, you know, unadulterated way explain to him what he meant by that. That man was so impressed you are so just he thought his whole family the whole family in case Islam, you know, so what I'm saying is this. That is so true. I mean, if you look at what you are saying it's even in marriages in everything we do if we begin to appreciate the little things because they say we often know love

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knows your love knows not his own depth accepted the hour of partying, you only begin to appreciate other people and the many people who are like, you know, gold diggers are people expecting some major major happening to take place, but all the time they're miserable every day of the life. They make other people miserable also, and in the end, where they live on false hope in all they need to be yes in Islam be supposed to be optimistic, but optimism is based on

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The reality on the ground. And I would like to end emanating from your question, I would encourage people, and once you do that, they'll be far more joy. Far more happiness in this world

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is all in the attitude that we take in the approach that we use when communicating when looking out at life, in general, do not be what you said, you know, an hour to just, you know, tweak that a little bit. In the end, you're right, it's about your own attitude, your own attitude towards Allah towards yourself towards Allah creation. And when you are able to see the beauty, the real beauty in simple pleasures. And when you see that it gives you enough, untold joy, you know, it's, it's a, it's an unbelievable experience the benefits that can accrue from that. It's very, very great. And I'll just give you why, you know, there are so many examples, but I just need to share with you one

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or two things. I remember, you know, when May Allah bless our parents, may Allah grant in the highest status in Jannah, one of the things that used to give me a lot of joy, you know, was to invite people home, you know, for a meal, or invite them to stay over in my hometown ships and, and there was a friend of mine.

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I mean, he became my friend, he was an acquaintance in Durban. And so he, he had to cross over place, either going to school or away from the school, right? And then what happened was, I used to go back to home and tell him, you know, what, why don't we have lunch with me, you know, and just like that, and I did not realize that, at the end of it all, it has such a profound impact on him, that when he was leaving, and going back to Durban, and he cried, you know, on my shoulders, he told me, please, you taught me something, which I took for granted, I never knew the value of this, you know, what is it he says, you know, what, I have many friends, and many my friends come home,

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you didn't wanna see as

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many of my friends used to come home, but I never ever share the plate of food with them. But when you did, that, it really brought a lot of joy for and I know, that was a turning point in his life. And I know that I it's not just that, you know, I wanted to eat the displays are equal numbers of cases, and displays too many students is mommy to invite us and he was so excited about his last film contract with him. Now, what I'm saying is that, you know, often in life, when something is done with sincerity of purpose, it means a lot, you know, when you a little smile, to a person that is, you know, downtrodden, you lift him up, you know, it brings joy to him, you know, when you show

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empathy to other people, when you look at yourself and say, your law, you know, you know, you give me so many things, your law, I cannot thank you enough. I cannot count my blessings. But what we tend to do, we compare ourselves to those people that are absolutely real, which is, you know, as I said to that one person, that if you want to be wealthy, you have to be the richest person in the world, you must be contented in

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contentment, that element of contentment, and Athena reign and that is the heart of Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam, true riches, independence in the heart when you yourself feel independent, and just yesterday, or the day before in our hadebe lesson in the madrasa discussing with the students the Hadith from Rio de Sala hain, para Sala La Silla La La Jolla insolence, that a person who wakes up in the morning and they have the plate of food for the day they know where the food is going to come from for the day, he behaved, they have the good health, and they have a roof over their head. And Mr. Laval Islam says it is as if the entire world has become subservient and placed itself at

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this man's feet.

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Beautiful how so beautiful. And you know when you say this, I I get so emotional. You know yesterday. I may in Johannesburg molana nd this critical

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anyway, and last night I said I must must visit. A friend of mine who wasn't too well. is a very very dear brother to me Mama by Dr. Aquino for LMA is done so many wonderful things. And you know, I went to see him. He was so emotional like me. He said he believes you came we took your time to see me and you know what this is at you

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Maybe, sometimes we get so self absorbed, you know, it's about us, we see each other more for a resource to get money. Everything is about profit. When last Did you visit someone for the sake of Allah, knowing full well you only do it for Allah, you not being good for any game not being there for me, but just to bring a smile to someone's face. And he's sitting here yesterday with the you know, some wonderful brothers that I met yesterday also, I said you know, when you go to a person purely for you know, for Allah sake and connect within Allah opens the doors of risk, Allah does it for you, when you got a generosity of spirit and I think if we as human beings and I encourage even

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couples husbands and wives to be forgiving to be open to be loving and you know appreciate Depo inhibition allowed he was setting themselves to die before your death is also you know, the one of the implication is also appreciate life you know what you got it and do what is right to what you have the opportunity because tomorrow my guess I guess be too late.

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It is a we have an SMS that has come. A person is asking that despite being friendly, exchanging gifts inviting certain family members, they are real gold diggers and use the use this person constantly. Don't even show gratitude and say simple Thank you. I'm so fed up with a paid attitude. It seems as if we are heartless and will always be so called good advice. Tired of these

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tired of these negative people they were even despondent about a family get together once a month they can't see people get along they are full of hatred and despair. This person is faced with such people who who the team full of hatred all of the time. How do you deal with that? You know, Mama Mulana. Sadly, this is a painful reality. And one of the things that I've learned, you know, in life Mawlana we got to fight your demons. We are w Salah, now he was Saddam was always gracious. He always showed gratitude. His conduct was impeccable, he was polite, he was everything that is noble. And in life, whatever we need to do, we must do it. Whether the other person acknowledges it or not.

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Please remember Allah note those things that are your reward is with Allah. You must not expect any reward from another human being, you must do something because it makes you feel good intrinsically. You mustn't do something, you know, because the other person may, you know, tells you or Mashallah You did it, you know, and if that person doesn't acknowledge you, you stop doing that. And that's the nature the natural thing about life. I mean, there are so many examples, you know that the example of that woman should throw dirt Nagisa. Now he was tell them, what was the response? What was the response of

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the there's one pious change I forget his name, when this person

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was conducting his class and one man was so rude at Spoken like a gentleman, and three students said to him, but you know, check this this person was so rude yet You are so polite. Jason Well, I spoke to him like a gentleman because I am one. He responded to me the way he wanted to because of who he is. And this is something a daily I know, this rarely erodes our sisters, especially our sisters, may Allah bless them all. They are very sensitive. I'm not diminishing them. I care a lot for them. And I know they get very, very hurt by little things, little things. I love them so much as some of them believe in a tip for capillary action. You know, if you must do what is right, you must do what

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is noble and not what's right you do is not dependent on another person acknowledging you and bracing you or even thanking you. And I also share monana learn just you know, there's a friend of mine Allah bless him.

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He's a pharmacist of the Jamia Masjid in Indonesia years ago. I recall I was studying English three through UniSA and we're pleased burn system I talk about my life is not I'm just trying to authenticate something is anecdotal, so that we can learn from own life experience. I really believe that all of us have enough experiences in our life on a daily basis to be lessons about yourself and what people around you. So anyway, at that time, a fax machines or another photo copiers were a rare phenomenon.

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You know, wanted to shop. And we went forward tutorials in the UniSA building that was in town, Smith Street. And the group of people who knew who got to know me. They wanted me to photocopy some of my notes, you know,

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we walked for a long, long time, this whole thing might have taken me two or three hours. And then, you know, I felt hurt at that time, when I was still a naive, young boy, and no one thanked me. So when I shared this with my flatmate, he said to me brief on the ask your question, why did you help this? Did you help him because he wants to? He wanted them to thank you, or did you help them because that was the right thing to do. And that was a turning point. In life, we must remember in life,

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they are sensitive human beings who acknowledge you and affirm you. But you must remember that Allah sees all one's reward is with Elijah. Unless 400 Allah knows what we have done despite people not even having noticed. Perhaps, we have done anything good for the molana just for a further point, we have some people who appear in the media, they are called the Capitol photographs or data plots are everywhere. It does not mean that Allah is pleased with them. Your name may not appear anywhere. Your name may not even appear in the lips of people. Your name may not even appear in the minds of people that Allah knows exactly who you are. Allah has a special abode for you. And therefore in

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life, it is said it is incredible what the men and women can achieve. It is incredible what the men and women can be achieved. If they do not mind who gets the credit. He did not mind who gets the credit.

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It is a beautiful, beautiful message from Alana Holly, Tara is blushing Gee, can I lead out here please. Mullen says an elderly woman has two large pots each hung on the ends of a bowl, which she carried across her neck. One of the pots are the crack in it well, the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For the full two years. This went on daily with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishment. But the poor crackpot was ashamed of its own imperfection and miserable that it

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could only do half what it had been made to do. After two years of what he perceived to be but a failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream, I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house, the old woman smiled, asked to notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other side. That's because I have always known about your floor. So I planted flower seeds on your side of the bath. And every day, while we walk back, you water them for two years, I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. without you being just the way you are, there would be there would

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not be this beauty to grace the house.

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Each of us have our own unique flaws. But it's the cracks and flaws we have that make our lives together. So very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are, and look for the good in them.

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You know, that's an extra story, you know, it's a story that we need to share that no one is perfect. We all have flaws of foibles or weaknesses. And as I was sharing with you some time ago,

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that this one woman found a two qualities of her husband, quite obnoxious, you know,

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snoring and the other area emitting

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odor, you know, and she says now that is dead and gone. She looks back at those imperfections as beautiful imperfections. They were a reminder that my husband was alive and well. And right next to me. And these are things about seeing the bigger picture about understanding that you know, no one is perfect. So when you are quick to like a wife picks on her husband and vice versa. On one of our weaknesses. I think we need to be introspective and say, Do I have weaknesses? Am I so perfect? And nobody is and it's part of this sacred institution of marriage. It's about this familial relationship. It's all about those things that we need to learn to forgive the face to a human and I

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think life will be far more pleasant

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They're far more tolerable, and they were far more compassion empathy. If you understand that, there is beauty in each one of us, we need to find the beauty we need to thank allow for the beauty Therefore, it is not fortuitous, or coincidence that when we look at the mirror that we make Jada, you made the beautiful outside nippy beautiful inside and shells. So Han Allah says, I have received an SMS from a sister, who says slavery completely advised me what to do if I have given up everything in my life for my husband, but he doesn't appreciate anything and support me or my kids and constantly complains.

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Okay, my advice is twofold. She must continue to do what is right. But the other issue is this

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sooner than later, and she needs to have a discussion with a husband regarding his attitude. And then the same token she needs to find out exactly. You know, why does he behave the way he bees, often they say, We are the products of our home. But it is said that, you know, many women do things lovingly, and then suddenly, you know, they feel they're like slaves, but I want them to know that all good they do, they do even sweeping the floor. Even cooking in making a cup of tea, in the eyes of Allah is a treat for his pleasure. These are noble acts, they no one can diminish you for doing whatever is good. And I think, you know, it's time the month of Ramadan is coming. And I want to

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really beseech my brothers especially that, you know, we need to show a little more compassion and caring, we need to acknowledge them, we need to support them, we need to help them in all the endeavors. So it really it becomes a dynamic partnership, and we can be worthy of the highest emulation. So children can mimic a wonderful behavior, my heart goes out to the sister, I think she needs to have a discussion with the husband, and inshallah, if he doesn't respond positively, that's another matter altogether. But she must do what is right.

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She has to take it upon herself in my ears, and it just barely received a call as well in the week for the sister complaining for the husband's involvement in pornography, and how that is affecting so seriously, and so adversely the relationship. And it's having an effect on her. She was brought up with the hijab and niqab and now the husband is involved in this despicable act.

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He now molana. Certainly, pornographic addiction is become a scourge in our homes. It is so accessible through cell phones to the Internet, and through books. And what it does really, it really damages the self esteem of our sisters.

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get very, very upset that often some men

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the first one to get stimulated by this pictorials, the visual pornography, that they want the wives to satisfy the last. So they feel a use. They feel demonized, and demean. And really, this has become, it's a very, very sad indictment and I want the sister to know something. You mustn't feel less of a human being, you mustn't think that you're not worthy of all the adulation from your husband. Remember, your husband has a problem. It's a disease is an addiction. He could have got married to miss the world in what a coma, he would do what he is doing. So he needs help in that way. And there are many ways you can find help. Often people will indulge in this instance from the

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low self esteem the insecurity did not have a moral compass. They know they lack taqwa. At the same token when they do it with impunity, with the wives know full well they are doing it. It shows a lot of disrespect. And do they not know that you know home? This pornography is seen and witness, the burqa of the home goes, this goes the your compassion, it has a profound impact on everything that you do. There is no parka and in your prayers, and everything else that goes with it so I can understand the pain the system is going through. There are many, many such cases. But you know, I really believe that the man needs to go for counseling, he needs help in this way. And so that to

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wean him off of this addiction so that you know instead of filling his heart, with

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pornographic material that is so deleterious in Indonesia

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Should Phineas heartwood align his beloved rose to the month of Ramadan is coming and Shall I pray that the you know, you know, a cleanse themselves inshallah. But the other thing is, is I would encourage her to encourage as well to go for counseling

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very most important thing. And there's like, like we spoken about before as well, that men just don't want to go for that content counseling, they just don't want to take a step forward and improve and reform themselves. This is why we have another SMS that has come out, how do you deal with a father who exposes your marital details to anyone, basically, the father is, is going to the extent of advertising

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the child's marital details to people around

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unacceptable, you know, nothing, you know, there's one thing that people have issues, but once it becomes part of the public discourse, or public territory, it really, really is upsetting make today difficult for people to reconcile, or they feel ashamed. And, you know, that's very, very sad, that, you know, there's such a father, you know, needs to you need to sit him down to talk about it, you know, he thinks he's being flippant about it light hearted about it, but this can really have a profound negative impact on the mind

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of those involved. So, I think,

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you know, they should not be shy, but they of course, with reverence and respect, but they need to confront him about it,

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they have to do something about it otherwise,

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it is absolutely unhealthy for it to become public news. And besides that, it will destroy the family relationship completely. Luckily, that it can also have a profound psychologically impact erode the present self esteem is a person who is an extrovert become an introvert, he shy away from public functions because of fear magnitude, people who might be laughing at them and and you know, even they might be laughing innocently about something else, you might say speculate that they know something about you, you know,

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then you start thinking like that.

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The things by

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the last five minutes, coming up to the month of Ramadan, entering into the month of Ramadan, it brings up a lot of changes within us it brings up a lot of opportunity to do good to change our life. And I think one salient characteristic of Ramadan is that it is a moment of change for every single one of us if there is a time in our life that we would want one to like to bring a change in our life I think this is the best opportunity that month of Ramadan to take up any chance.

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Absolutely, you know, maulana me We will no one no matter how young you are, no matter how healthy you are, no one no one knows when they will leave this world. I think it smacks of arrogance. He shows little respect. You know, Paula is beloved so the month of Ramadan comes, we must go in it wholeheartedly. We must go in it with an open mind and see Allah how to make this the best Ramadan that I ever had. you commit yourself psychologically, you have a plan of action with your family discuss things inshallah. You know, it's an opportunity because in the end, in the end monana

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whatever we go through in life, come to nothing if Allah is not pleased with us that he did not die with the man there's an opportunity Many people think that life is a plain thing. Yes, you have your moments of pleasure. Within a month of Ramadan come with a gift to us it's a gift an opportunity to elevate yourself spiritually it's a gift. It is rarely people that are either naive, who lack serious mature understanding of life who pisses in wrong things emphasis in

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fighting persists in gossip monger

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in Greek the severe so really it's an opportunity let us start off today preparing of the secular psychologically lectures get off peak in the last 10 days inshallah me all of us inshallah. Find. Lina to Qatar inshallah. And molana Allah bless you look up to you protect you, and everyone involved Simona Robert, Wanda Hayden, everyone May Allah protect your guide y'all. All our brothers in the station. Please remember the phrase desert Camilla assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Chronic Mashallah. Mashallah vaca

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Issue current Zealand for your time increased by inshallah you also have a great Ramadan we'll speak to you next week Thursday while fasting inshallah Allah, Allah, Allah Allah, Allah

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camisa speaking to us from Geneva satin this Thursday morning she can enjoy Zealand for listening

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Welcome to welcome back to a much like on radio Islam International. I know you heard us greeting each other in saying our farewells earlier but it was a recording and now we are on live Alhamdulillah we have the opportunity of speaking to Brother Idris Cammisa live from the UK this morning. We were unable to get a hold of him earlier. That's the reason we had the recording on but we have it This one is on the line it is by Santa Monica rahmatullah wa barakato walaikum salam wa rahmatullah Bhagat How are you? Mallanna very well humbly ledger COVID is very nice to be speaking life to you and not just listening to a recording How is your clip in the UK going so far? Now? I'm

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delighted that people generally you can crazy to commit myself to so many programs because I last spoke to you on Thursday. Then Friday I went to a place called Nottingham you know I went there and to give a talk at the school they're an umbrella motivational talk and Saturday I did the whole day parenting program and Sunday I did a parenting program as a mother so Sunday school thing right an umbrella and of course you must have heard about the strong Yes. So as a postponed my Monday program in fact for next inshallah and then last night I did a program with shake Baba

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on the dynamics of marriage and today inshallah program on parenting tomorrow I'm going to Manchester and inshallah most important returning home on Sunday morning. Oh, my shall not so then you'll be back on home grounds inshallah laundry, like always you miss home, you know, people have this glorified notion that traveling itself, you know, there are many, many benefits. Of course, the benefits side opens your mind. You meet different people. And when you meet them, you know, you're able to reflect on who you are, you're able to look at the challenges. Yeah. And Alhamdulillah for example, on Sunday, when I went to my friend that, you know, they are, they've got a weekend school

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madressa, Saturday and Sunday. At the end, they use the government school for that. It's unbelievable, you know, what, I've seen days so unique, that they've got these the number of people teaching there, and then they will come early in the morning, and on and on Sunday, when the children are gone. They would vacuum the floor, clean the toilets and keep it stick and spend, you know, and really, you know, it's incredible, you know, the commitment of some individuals, and you find that is very, very awe inspiring. And but you know, like yesterday, I mean, I met to the

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capitals and what not, then they all had the same issue. So an umbrella, it's very wonderful travels only through Allah mercy that we do this in

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the inner circle. And it is by a little bit of insight into the issues that you've been dealing with and some of the good advices that you've been sharing with the people there. Yes, you know, I think that's a very, very critical thing. points again, you know, there was one person yesterday, I mean, he came there, and he asked me so many questions is married for two months, you know, and he asked me so many questions. And I said to him, you know, surely you should have discussed this before you got married, you know, that in this is a very critical thing. That, you know, in Ennis Africa has become very, very common, that we rarely as parents, you know, we mean, well, we love our children,

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we have complete faith in them. But the issue of dynamics, how to deal with disappointment, to be realized that marriage is not a bed of roses, it takes two people. And both people have to invest in this institution. You mustn't think this entitlement now that I deserve this, you know, and I'm in need of this, my spouse must respond accordingly. And I think it's very, very important that we, we start talking about this, because what is worrying me that really, we are living in a time of instant gratification, and even the first few months, the spouse does not get what he or she wants, then they talk about the lock in. And it's very, very worrying, you know, and then you ask people

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who enjoy stability marriage, and they tell you, they also have the issues, they also had to check through some sensitive issues. Alhamdulillah. Now, through the process of time, through hikma through forgiveness, they've gone a long way. And and now the number of fighting wars, there may be a little battle every now and then. But all in all, they have lots of tranquility, they have harmony, and they essentially atonement, this is a very important thing. Right, that that's one area. The other area is the issue of budget, I think, you know,

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it seems to point like, with some spouses, some wives, you know, they're not interested in how much money the husband makes, I mean, he doesn't interest them. And some of them, you know, for perhaps, for reasons, best known to them, they would like to understand what are the budgetary constraints, she would like some spending money. So I think it's important to not to on according to the specific needs of your home, I mean, what your neighbor does, might be working for them, it does not mean it's gonna work for you, because all of us have different personalities. And this is a very critical thing, the critical aspect is the joy that we feel within can be an external thing. It's about, you

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know, we often live, and many of us, you know, like this brother said yesterday, he said, You know what, you know, my wife always complains, I do not speak or communicate enough, I said, well, you must do that, you know, you need to be more expressive and all that. So, in the end, molana is not people not knowing what the standard duties and rights, I thought about those things. It's to me, I think most of us know, we also know the sacredness of this marriage. But I think, you know, we we lack patience, we are not emotionally developed. We are not spiritual people. And we have caught up with the stresses of modernity, and we have forgotten what our purpose is, you know, so I think it's

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important specially for our loved ones, when they are young, to encourage them to develop themselves spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, and not to give them the view of life that this world is like Janna, is utopian and idyllic, you know, and I think these are fundamental things that we need to do.

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And it is, it is, the issue that I've had to deal with in the recent past was a couple that's been married for a short period of time.

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But the finding difficulties between themselves disagreements, and in particular, was the anger management between the two of them. And, you know, they just

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finding common ground in in being able to handle the anger that they have an in being able to read some compromise, especially when it comes to times of argument

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can disappoint one and I think it's an excellent point that you raised. One of my rules of thumb I say, if your spouse is angry, then you keep quiet, and when you get angry, your spouse must keep

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By then both people angry been shaped on exam in a time of his life, right? And I think it's important to say, Okay, fine. You know what, I'm always not demanding things. Let me listen to my spouse, let me listen to him or her and find out exactly what is going on right? Now, there can be several issues. The one issue is maybe a person has a psychological issue about anger management, then he needs to go for therapy, he needs to go for some help. Because in the end, you know, the bottom line is that the person who's angry is a person who is intoxicated, you know. And when you are intoxicated, you want to say things that you will regret. Mm hmm. Once those words come out of

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your mouth, and how many minutes you've heard about when people say, you know, I did not mean it, I give a free terlato so angry, and so on point do not come, as we are told not to come near adultery mustn't even come near anger, you know exactly what are your trigger points? Now, what is worrying for me? Like, if I know that these little topics provoke my wife, he feels so strongly about this, she gets upset about it. Why should I even do that? You know, in life, remember, molana, as you rightly know, you cannot agree on everything. It's not like we talked about Jonathan janam. We're not talking about those as well, but he cannot agree on everything. And that's the point you don't

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have to agree on everything, do not become insistent, now that my wife must really think this, because I think this and vice versa, it doesn't happen that way. Now, these couples need to go for help, because my greatest fear is that this anger can lead to violence, it can lead to really and Allah prevent this from happening, inshallah, that they may say things that they will regret, you know,

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this will definitely become a cause of problems, but, you know, sometimes. So some of the spouses really feel that there is a fault with the other the opposite party near they really feel that the opposite party is doing something that is seriously wrong, and perhaps even maybe found some sort of evidence or something like that, to say that, you know, they've done something seriously wrong, how do they deal with it? And how do they sort that problem out? I think this is important, right? The critical thing, the imperative is, it is evidence to prove something, if they realize that they are so emotionally entangled in all of this.

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They're not reaching any kind of consensus, to go to see someone that is objective, someone that can help them through this process, nurture them through this because I think the first element is forgiveness. The the the the other critical element on the part of the perpetrator is the mosque. And we are told the Sunnah is to replace your bad, the good good deeds, can you do other things for your wife or your husband, and to show that you are remorseful, you're repenting if he can attend. And these are important things that we need to do. And, and, and you know, and rarely, because if you find that, as individuals, you cannot handle a situation, then you need to seek for help. And

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it's nothing demeaning to seek for help. There's nothing wrong with seeking for help. It's very, very important. We are the atoning fact islamically, to get parties on either side to deal with situations in which you have difficulty coming to some kind of resolution. And now, if you let it, let it go unabated, then this problem can really become, you know, far more serious than what it is.

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And just by coming to the issue of parenting, just a little bit of Brief Advice, seeing what you're seeing in the UK, and perhaps more advanced the society, then as well, some of the lessons that you've learned from them positives and negatives as well. Yes, I think you know, one of the very important things is, you know, as parents, we cannot be everywhere, but when we when they are young, we need to plant the seeds of demand, we need to create in them a profound love for newbies and allow you to sell them. That's one aspect. The second thing that you got to ensure that you encourage your children to have good friends, because good friends, to me, are like the extension of

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the home, this is fundamental, you should know exactly how to spend the time and with home. The third fundamental is when you do give your kids spending money. You got to make sure, for example, that when you come back, you have to ask them, How did you spend the money? That was what my my parents used to do? You know, these are very important questions. And the fourth thing that for me, it's an issue here also, the issue of the social media, you know, that it's become such an integral part of

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Life It is almost like we are born with it this appendage, you know, and you find that it dictates our life. In a way it informs the way we do things. And if you had to leave home without the cell phone, it's really something you know, you're you're you go bananas, you know, you're ha, you go crazy about it. So the social media is very, very critical. You should know exactly. You know, what internet websites the kids are accessing. And so it's fun. It's basically getting back to the roots and getting back to be in the nursing father, to create the sanctuary at home. And I and you find

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that you got to see from the children's perspective, they are living in a very, very demanding world, a world that is there that makes sort of demands on the time, demands on the heart, and a whole range of things. And so I think you know, for me, the long and short of it all is love your kids. Let them feel your love, love Allah, let your champion your love for Allah emanate the example Nabi sallallahu Sallam at the mercy to conduct inshallah ladies and gentlemen for your time all the way from the UK, and inshallah we will speak to you next week you go well and molana always remind you please have you looking after your shoe shoe bubbliness most certainly So, I mean, I love this

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so nice to hear from you, as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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chickens, Elan to him for his time, and shukran for you for listening any feedback on the program you're most welcome to emails in Hs [email protected] Chicken famous dilemma alikum warahmatu Allahi wa barakato

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