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Edris Khamissa

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Salam alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh wasa Noma haben Welcome to Al mushrif on radio Islam International, it is Thursday morning and inshallah Allah says I will be joined this morning on my program with by Father Idris camisa in sha Allah says in races back in the country and we are going to be discussing with regards to certain cases that it is by has been dealing with over the past week or so. And the lessons that we can take from there and also his recent trip to the UK and what we can learn from them as well. inshallah, Razzies, that's all coming up on our machine this morning. Looking forward to being in your company. If there's anything that you'd like to ask any

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questions I'd like to pose the risk let me say you're most welcome to SMS 0731738461 you can email me as well on Zinaida [email protected] Stay tuned to our mushrik Andre slam International.

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It is reported from Abu huraira Ravi Allahu anhu that the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said when a human being dies, all of his deeds terminate, except the three types of actions set up to Zarya that is ongoing charity, knowledge from each other's benefits in the righteous child who makes two out for him, recorded by Imam Muslim being the winner of 19 Awards in six years, including community station of the year 2011, registered in 1993 and granted a license in 1997. With internal growth, why the expertise and a broad range of content we have attracted a wide audience in areas with a staff complement of 45 in through the broadcast of high quality info edutainment for

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16 minutes after 11 Welcome back to our metric already some international very very warm welcome to our magic and a very warm welcome to Brother Idris camisa is where Santa Monica Monica de la hora de la la la la la jolla barakato. How are you keeping this one easy?

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It's always a matter wherever you go.

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They say coming home is the most beautiful thing to come home for loving wife is wonderful. And she misses you. And you get to see Oh my gosh. You are the king.

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Yes, definitely easiest way. And we make dua that Allah subhanaw taala keep you always happy with your beloved spouse in Allah subhanho wa Taala give your increased Baraka Amin Amin, Allah make dua, and I tell you

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in life Montana is about mutual respect, you get to understand your partner. And it's wonderful when they understand you, you understand them, it makes a huge, huge difference in

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Yes, definitely. And it's all about understanding each other. This is what very marriage is all about. It's all about knowing what your partner wants what they need. And being able to fulfill that

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make is the issue that you and your wife don't have to

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know.

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agree about, you need to talk about those issues. Don't make an issue about things you disagree about. And then what happened something no disagreement, we forget, the critical aspect from the critical aspect is recognizing the goodness in each other not to recognize

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and be sometimes they said they appreciate our loved ones long after the bomb, you know, and then that's to make sure that we can bring them back, right? Yes, yes, yes, yes. We don't have to appreciate them. After the time is expired already. We want to be able to enjoy our loved ones appreciate them. And, you know, have that enjoyment of them while they're still around with us. Absolutely. And Shall I pray that, you know, I know we are living at a challenging time to talk to people economically, the unhappy at workplace the vision of the people may be different from your vision, and all of these things are a natural part of what goes on, you know, in life.

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So what is important? What is very, very important is this, that you know, in life and now just it just struck me this morning as I was driving, you know, we go sometimes to some places, and we assume you assume that the people out there are having a great time and that you're missing out and no, the reality is, you know, we cannot be physically in more than one place. And

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you enjoy yourself. You do the best you can and you always do.

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Sometimes we look at the, the glory of another institution, and whatnot, and you say, Oh my gosh, I hope I was there and whatnot. It's not like just knowing Islam, I think it's really critical that you understand that you can not be more than one place to the best we can. It's about attitude.

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Oh, yes, it is, like coming to our program today, inshallah has is looking at some of the cases that you've been dealing with over this period, and in particular to cases that we would like to speak about, and draw lessons from inshallah. Okay.

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Yesterday, I mean, yesterday, I got a call from a sister, and she was telling me, you know, that she and her husband

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regret it, you know, now, that the already a lot had been given. And so inshallah I need to then. But the point of it all, I always tell people, whenever you're going to reconcile, what is very, very critical, you can't say, Okay, I made a mistake, I won't do it again, and you put a master class on it, you can't do that, you got to, you must always look at the underlying cause of the situation. Why is it that you do what you do? Why is it that you responded the way you responded? You got to find the answers for that. Because if you have not understood why you did what you did, then, you know, they're saying, Please forgive me. And you know, what doesn't work like that is

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very, very important. For us to understand that, you've got to also understand if one of the partners will say, No, listen, okay, I'll forgive you, I'm prepared to forgive you. But I don't understand what motivates you to do what you did. So very, very important for people to understand when and part of the process is this, that we, by nature, by nature, many of us are very, very selfish individuals, that we get so psychologically prepared to say something to someone that did not allow the other person to speak at all. You want to call out things and whatnot, you know, for example, maybe say that I come home, and I'm really happy to be home, I'm excited today to meet my

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wife, and my wife is psychologically beginning to tell me a few things, you know, that she needs to tell me right now. You know, I come home, I send my wife, Monica maveo, my baby, and then immediately tells me Listen, forget

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about some issues with you. Now, what you are doing, as a person is coming there with no idea that you have some issue, he has no idea that the wife has got some issues with him, he comes a very pleasant happy mode, then the wife today, he wants to check in with the issues. So I think you know, often in life, what is important, you must get the timing right, be certain about my way or the highway. And it's not about it's about my needs, not about his needs. It's not about I want to win in marital life. It can only be at marriage, they both people, you know, can say they win. And today, you know, I think the reality is there has to be a reciprocal understanding of each person's

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role, and what they go through. I mean, like, coming

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from a very successful trip last night, you know, so this morning, they know if I get a snack, and then my says, No, I said, No. I said, What do I need to meet people I need to go on with my life. And that's very, very important because in life, no one feels sorry for you, you got to go out there and go and do whatever you need to do. And I think it's important for people to understand that to understand the whole dynamics of relationships to understand that, you know, what, we are, who we are, for the cause of our life experiences. And that's important that we never make any mistakes, we need to identify the mistake, we need to identify the reason for the mistake and regarding for

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ourselves, what are things that we do differently inshallah, so that the mistake will not be repeated. And that's fundamental. And and very, I mean, the thing is, especially, you know, people are doing some terrible things they are doing, I mean, they are a for example, many of them issuing summons to their partners between the wife or the husband, husband to the wife, or for example, they are sending SMS and sending the wife that you know, mad enough of, you

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know, those kinds of things. Now, we, we are really a traditional men, and we need to really understand who we are what we are doing.

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See, this is

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all was all in the dynamics of marriage all in building a marriage, and all in making sure that this marriage is well maintained and well looked after. It is really

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a concern on our whole community. When we have problems in marriages, it is a reflection, perhaps at least by of what our entire attitude is in our lives, that we've lost the importance of marriage, which is the cornerstone of the community. So obviously, the rest of the community is also going to start disintegrating.

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Absolutely, very, very important, you know,

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for us to learn, you know, if you don't get For example, I

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mentioned ship with BB Khadija right?

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indeed a remarkable woman. And she really, you know, nothing to be said.

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And, you know, and what she did was very few understood him, and she became, come to the crisis. One day, apparently, no, one loves them after they, you know, who should I appeal to? And really respond to, you know, after she didn't want a few conversations with

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me after this question, who was believing me?

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She said to him was the effect a case you can call on me before you call out? For I believe you

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are so joyful, and decided Sharjah to Khadija Khadija believe they know he accepted

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the deen of Islam, I missed the point that the critical aspect in your relationship is the issue of trust. And no matter what the rest of the world think about not that we should not worry about it. Sometimes you worry too much.

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About UVI, we are so concerned about a pleasing other people be so concerned, the others have a good opinion, they are so concerned about it, that you pander to them at the most fundamental thing is if your wife believes in, you should trust you, you don't need any money.

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That's part of the equation. And that, to me, is a very, very critical thing. And I'll be sharing, you know, this to the friend of mine, early on, he is very actively involved in the community. And I said to him, you know, I said to him, you know, I'm a diet. And I know I can speak

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on your behalf when I say that you also a London as a wonderful wife is

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very, very blessed to have. And for example, you said this morning or yesterday for the founder, I said for the guests coming from overseas, there was

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no city replicated essentials, so happy about it. And she says that, she would ask me, if you're looking down today, are you okay with you know, engaging, and this is the nature of those of our wives that are blessed to have them. And they will give us different difference, you know, a huge difference between, for example, indifference or to happiness. And I think certainly, one of the things one of the ironies of metal licences today that, you know, we go out looking for food, and to feed our allies to feed everyone else, our homes and everything else, that when you come home, we'd love to have a conversation, not engage them. And I think important that I have no doubt in my mind,

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that if we look up our spouses, we look after children, indeed.

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Okay, if you've ever received an SMS, perhaps we can address it. As an American. My position is such that my married son lives with me his wife, constantly tells him your mother said this and said that this is for my son's heart, but such hatred for me that he wanted to smack me the other day, as a mother have done everything for him and so hurt. I can't forget all that he is that's been happening. He is an alum, I cry all the time becoming depressed, and he's giving

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you see this lacantina and we are living at a really, really safe and today and you know, none of us trying to protect us And forgive us. That we also in American life per se did not give the due love, respectful person, Allah forgive us. We are 1000s of forgive us. And one of the things I shared in my talk, that is not about how much of knowledge you have, knowledge is not implemented.

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in your life, the use of the knowledge that he remains as information. And this is the point.

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You know, the question is, is that the correct, you know, the the daughter in law, maybe misconstruing what has been said, and said you have to be adding a masala treat also Allah knows this. But the important thing about this aspect is that there has to be a meeting with mother, son and the daughter in law, the issues are confronted very, very clearly, because I learned one thing, that you will never take one side of a story and go out with a you know, guns blazing, because you're wrong and more so, respectively comes regarding your parents. And one of my previous recommendations that I make, is this

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important for youth who complains about the mother in law, my daughter in law must not confirm the model at all. And there are very few issues, then the son must go to the mother and asked another phenomenal working issue you and say Fatima no money out here from Yuma. What are the Shema? Right? Okay, I need to discuss it. And then if the mother, the mother Alhamdulillah, like to believe, generally in the innocence issue has been the limited partner and where things have been misconstrued? I think there has to be clarity regarding that. And this is a very, very serious issue. I mean, the the classical issue in the life of

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me has been added an additional value in spoke about that one person, refrain that it was a sacrifice, difficult to rediscover somehow. Was that effect that Ashley Madison and Alia phenomenon

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in the mouth and his mother alive? We said yes. He said, okay, she cannot come here, then I would go to her. And when she came to him, she said, No, he's okay.

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And then when he, you know, in Florida, to tell him exactly what they want, and have worked with to this effect, that he defends his wife over me. Right. But then she says, you know,

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please forgive him, you know, he says, and then in

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five years, it was and he has shown what happened to him in the Philippines Kenai forgiving them immediately you're able to give you a day is able to die peacefully. But the long and short of it all is that the critical aspect in life is that,

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especially when you're married, they are a fine line that you draw between responding to the needs of your wife, and the needs of your mother. Because life is the feet of the mother and under the feet of the wife, he became the mother. In law, that's another story. But what is important is that it's about maturity, dealing with conflicts with the law, right? dealing with how to disagree without becoming aggressive. It's very important. I know, he likes to call about interpretation. They know they say for example,

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they asked the question, I remember that he was person comes here, and sees the photograph of the field outside. What is it? Is this an accurate reflection of what their

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interpretation and the interpretation, because the people what the angle is to get them, you know, what, what was in the photographs, so a lot of what the scene like, it's about interpretation, it's about in a way you are in the situation, what you're looking at. So I think, you know, it's really sad to hear about the system going through the Mother's Day. In fact, it's very sad today, sometimes at the behest of the wind, a lot of men, you know, display a lot of anger to the mother.

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Right. Now, how can you do that? How can you do the heartbeat Your mother is not allowed to say to parents, how can you do that? So my recommendation is that the matter has to be discussed the

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definition

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is by just 26 minutes before 12 we have to take a little bit of a break. inshallah, when we return, we will continue with our discussion. To our listeners, you're most welcome to SMS. Any questions through 0731738461. You can also email me at [email protected] Stay tuned to all my secondaries.

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Welcome back to Islam International. Welcome back to our guest, it is camisa Welcome back.

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For your time, it is a continuing that was one issue that you spoke about. The second issue of the second

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issue that you were dealing with in the week, perhaps just to highlight that.

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The second issue that I was dealing with getting it is I there was a couple that I dealt with, right and under the law, and

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everything was fine, until I got a frantic email when I was overseas.

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You know, the serious problems when I learned that one of the spouses did not do what he was supposed to not follow up on what he's supposed to do. And

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in any relationship especially, you know, dealing with

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issues and problems and whatnot.

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If only one person, for example, you know, he or she does everything that other person shows no interest was a no Initially, the magic is forgiveness. But you got to make a commitment. And it's very, very important. You know, whenever you're dealing with issues, that counseling, one of them often says, I know he'll never change. I know you never ever change. They see those things right? And correct, they know better. So in fact, when you make a commitment that you want to change, you won't change. You got to take small, incremental steps. You got to change not for the sake of change, because change is fundamental for your own well being and more importantly for this

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marriage. So I think what people need to understand if you're going to any crisis situation, it's important for both people to do things that you're not really

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at yourself, you might be used to be something in some way, you know, with impunity that you are dealing with someone, you're dealing with someone and and be you know, and that's a that's very, very critical, they themselves need to understand that, you know, if you want to really create happiness, optimism, then you got to make radical changes in the radical problems. So that is very, very fundamental, that you always want to come into account or, or into each other, that I'm sorry, a million mistakes, but she might say to you, but you always say that, but you do nothing differently. And I think it's important for him to ask the right okay, exactly, what would you like

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to do differently, right. And remember, we are creatures of habit initially, it might be difficult

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for you to understand that may be difficult for you to appreciate what he say, or he thinks that it is important for you to understand that.

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Okay, and this is why we haven't received any more messages. I just like to remind our listeners You're most welcome to SMS in questions and

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I will speak about pre canned because in fact, I'm coming

00:31:22--> 00:31:52

across a lot of these people and allow me to make it easy for them to the whole issue of depression and I think very very serious people that know you got the question that they've got things under control and be okay with them and suddenly you find the law make it easy for them that they are depressed and my family is a fiction same that no idea what to how to deal with

00:31:54--> 00:32:36

Okay, we can bring it up in Sharma has is just after his listeners are welcome to SMS 0731738461. If there's anything that you'd like to bring up with it is by any social problems, and any social things that you would like to bring out into the open in Sharma has is the whole the whole basis of this forum and the whole objective of this program and with particular reference to Brother Idris camisa, who is a counselor and a motivational speaker dealing on a daily basis with parenting issues, marital issues, and a whole host of different problems. The reason we have it this way so that he can assist us, he can guide us and he can give us worthy, worthy advice, inshallah has his

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laptop ready

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for me, after the program

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is

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important for people to share the experiences both positive and negative, and try to ask the question, you know, sometimes, you know, when you are immersed in a particular issue or problem, you don't see the light of day. And you assume that you know, this is my situation for the rest of my life. And body keeping what we are told that very hard to believe you have Nigeria day Somalia winter, and it's very, very important. The capacity, we have to be happy, great, except for the fact that you know we are

00:33:24--> 00:34:07

in the creation of Allah, the fact that we are part of the oma televison allowed to tell them, the fact that we have choices, the fact that we can pray, the fact that we are aware of the era, the fact that we can make decisions, the fact that be able to also have pleasant thoughts, these are things you need to be thankful for. And you find them one of the things that worries me also, the lots of people, you know, the only regret things when the twilight years of their life will be themselves, their own happiness, and they sabotage the happiness of people around them. So you got to go out there and be positive, it's important to be positive. There is no reason why you should

00:34:07--> 00:34:19

not be positive. I mean, the fact that you were the man you didn't belong to be self to make it positive. And Islam what optimism Islam is about hope is not about,

00:34:20--> 00:34:21

you know, a

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lie, high expectations. And this reason, we need to take lessons from the Prophet deleted message from the sahaabah. fundamentals.

00:34:33--> 00:34:59

Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, it is. We're coming to the issue of depression. Perhaps you could just take a short break now we have one a break before the end. So let's take that now quickly, and then we'll come back and discuss the issue of depression in the community, depression within individuals and what a what a real sort of threat that is to us. Stay tuned for this time, International.

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am a

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shy ready

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Sherry for Fatima yaha Jacob

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Li Mei

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Sha la dee da Li Fei

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Hoon ki Ahmed

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Ahmed Hassan so first Sergi deal Bernie

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have a move

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on kiama this a buzzer mate. So first deal Bernie Good

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luck a movie

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Bula Bula

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Sanjay Hara so Bahasa Jomo karragarra he had karma ma

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ma ma ma

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ma ma ma Sha la dee da da da da da

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Fei mo scalar murshida hoga hora Chun de

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la cola la

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mouche scalers murshida ogihara Chanda Toma

00:37:18--> 00:37:19

masa NaVi ki

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cha he masa NaVi ki masa, a girl cha he shea butter, okay, ha ha ha ha

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ha ha Lima

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Lima, ba Ma, Sha la dee da da da da da.

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Come back to our mushrik on ready Sam International. Welcome back to Idris, some Isa it is by continuing on our discussion this morning the issue of depression. And you have already obviously been facing many different cases of people coming to you complaining of depression and people having this problem, it is definitely a real problem. It is definitely an issue that many people are facing. How do we deal with it? Firstly, I think people need to understand that there is a big difference between like say, sadness, or you or dancing mood, they are normal reactions to what people go through every day of life. You know, we all go through setbacks and disappointments. But

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many people use the word depression to describe those things that I'm depressed that the critical aspect is that depression is when there is an active feeling of helplessness, a feeling of worthlessness like almost you feel hopeless also anything unrelenting. Now, there are some times that you know, perhaps I can share with the listeners Right, okay.

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You find that a person who is depressed and one or two people have a few things, he either cannot sleep or is he the person who sees too much and they also affects his concentration on the things that he should do on a daily basis now becomes very, very difficult the task

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now becomes very, very difficult. The other aspect is your as a civilian, you feel completely helpless. And the other thing is once you and I know that negative thoughts do come into our mind that these negative thoughts against you know, you cannot control them. And no matter how hard you try to get not remind you find difficult

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Right. And also in terms of the appetite, you either lose, or you begin to eat uncontrollably affects your baby also you become more emotional, become irritable, you become short tempered, sometimes even aggressive.

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Then also you find

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sometimes

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you have suicidal thoughts, and these are depressing the jobs themselves right. Now, the, the whole thing is this, what do we do? Right? What do we do now? Because part of this whole thing is that when a person feels hopeless and helpless, what he thinks he has a very bleak outlook on life. He hasn't seen that his life will never improve, right? That's one, you're dealing with that right? Okay. Then the whole thing because it impacts on all aspects of his life, his feedback, etc. But he explained that even even myself, right, and then suddenly, what happens is issues become psychosomatic. He begins, you know, there's an increase in physical complaints like headache,

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backache, achy muscles, as some of these are signs right? Now, what what, what should we do? How should we? What should the person do? I think what is physical, very, very critical. This person needs to get professional help, right? The family must not feel the stigma, they need to see someone, they need to even go to an audition for a doula, because they will not give up in this important process. A person doesn't snap, during the snap out of depression, it's a process. And Muslims sort of

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make it look like it's a burden, because depression is a sickness, right? The point is this. And whilst some medication is palatable, doesn't give you the complete cure, you got to make sure it doesn't now lead to substance abuse. So what is important is this, of course, you always turn to Allah, they need to read the Torah, inshallah, they need to seek professional help. Sometimes you might have to see a psychologist, or even a psychiatrist, you just see that and seek that help. And what is important is this person has given enough support, but more importantly, the call to identify what are the triggers of depression? What are the things that have contributed to it, you

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know, is it because he suddenly finds himself in debt, is it because he's lost his job, and so on and so forth, we need to identify those things. So therefore, I would recommend very, very strongly that in our home, especially for husbands and wives, they got to make sure to share with each other every day of their life challenges, because psychologists say revealing is healing. In fact, one study that took place, they said, if the average man has five good things, five good friends whom he interacts with, he talks to them, of course, we all need to talk to Allah, the chances of him being a depression is very remote.

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Okay.

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When a person feels this depression setting in when a person, for example, they feel now Okay, I am starting to feel a bit depressed, I'm starting to feel down, is this something to read? Is this something to do Is this something that they should try and change in their routine or something like that, so that they can overcome this

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point, the point is, you know, the typical person who is getting into depression, may not be aware of it, right? Okay. Now, the person who is dealing with should be able to recognize that, you know, this appears to be a change of that behavior. For example, if you're speaking much, he doesn't want to go out anymore, and so on and so forth. And I think that's a very important that we need to understand need to look at that right. And I think you know, not everyone ought to know who they are, you know, who their husband or wife is, you should know exactly, you know, how they behave, and something's changing, you know, the approach is different and so on and so forth. Now, the whole

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thing is this if you need to look at it right. Now, the what are the causes, the some of the causes are the following for example, like, loneliness. So remember, I spoke about this is very important. You know, we, you and I, sometimes not very why we are told to read our salon Jamaat, why? Because you go there, you meet people, you're checking with them, you're laughing with them. You feel the uplifted, you know, the people in sometimes the depression because, you know, you might have gone through this

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said, a stressful life experience, right? Like, you know, we spoke about the whole issue about losing a job, like sometimes it could be related to the marriage itself. When you find that you're completely out of control, sometimes it could be because suddenly you realize the doctor tells you that you got a chronic ailment and let your affected by it. Now what is happening? No one is there helping you to mediate these things. So I think the bottom line is, is

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whatever you bring to in life, do not keep it inside you, it's important that you talk about it. And then it's very sad today in our homes, especially with the whole concept of family, a quantum family was meant to protect you, it's your best kin, essentially, when you talk

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with people not judging you, when you could say that no one realizes you know it, or not feeling so bad about what happened. But you must you must speak to the person ask the person yesterday why you feel so bad? Or what are you going through now? What do you think? How can I help you need to speak that language? And in fact, if

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they cannot support, then this can actually be the problem. And you could make the situation very, very difficult. Right? So what is important how, you know, I think it's important for us as solutions, you know, we need to be very balanced life, we need to make sure we pray, we need to work we need to get regular exercise and sleep into the right foods. We need to have a good extended family support and relationships. We must learn to relax need to shut off the new electron you must forget about work and menial work focusing your work and do some basic things that we need to do.

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Shannon has his his his way brings us almost to the end of our program this morning. We

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are right at the end. Now. Perhaps you could just give us some final words of parting advice. inshallah. My final parting words is this.

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You must know exactly who you are. You need to understand what is your purpose? You also need to have complete complete faith in Allah. Allah Caputo Rahim. Allah loves you when Allah just shows that he loves you must assume that other people are better off than you. Yes. If they are stomping faith, they are better off than you. But materially socially, these are irrelevant things. What is critical? is about the strength of your mind, your own commitment to the beam. Are you bringing joy to people? Are you a person that is a healer? have families be the joy to people around you? Or do they despise you? So I say to all of us, inshallah, we mustn't be spectators in our lives. We must

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be active participants.

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Enjoy the day and remember in life don't only do attitude, have positive attitude and shall have the positive outcome inshallah May Allah bless all of you. Please look out for your future.

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This is

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Molly

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de la He

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will speak to you next week inshallah.

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It's two minutes before 12. You are listening to maybe some international shipments even to our studio operators want an artifact whether up to summit cola and at the end below. for your assistance this morning. It should come to Zealand, for you for listening, and in some cases I will be back with you on Saturday morning, when I will be joined in Sharla with the recovering Manasa chatfuel. on marriage is on the air from Juanita satin this Thursday to Santa Monica Monica de la

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ley.