Tap into your potential – 23.01.2014

Edris Khamissa

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It's 30 minutes after 11 Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh Welcome to mashreq on Islam International Peace Thursday morning. My name is Janine Jessup and my guest for this hour is further Idris camisa. salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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How are you, my beloved Maulana, I am very well as hamdulillah.

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I couldn't ask for more. And we praise a Muslim man.

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For all that he has blessed us with her from the law, I think you make a very significant point,

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we certainly do not pause to reflect on an advantage to do that. I think we do stop complaining. Because there are many people who do not enjoy what we enjoy. And we do not sometimes understand fully what our purpose is. But anyway, make it easy for us. This is a this point of making sugar for the near misses and boundaries of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And how we would stop complaining about the situations that we were in, or we are in this discussing yesterday with a few brothers as well, is that sometimes we find that we are in in stressful situations in difficult situations, we even sometimes feel oppressed because of what others are doing to us. Or sometimes we feel that we have

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been unfairly treated in life, or that we have been unfairly

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given we haven't been given our our fair share of life or the things in life. And this is all because of our ungratefulness. And this sort of feeling of ingratitude and shoukry, to Allah subhanho wa Taala makes us depressed, it makes us critical of others, it makes us take decisions, to harm others to hurt others. But in actual effect, which I believe he's truly made sure that Allah subhanaw taala, we wouldn't be taking all of these steps.

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Not absolutely, in fact, I think there's another point to all of this. The point is

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that the other people are better off than us, you know, what I'm saying? We make assumptions, we make assumptions that everyone else is happy, and we are really unhappy, that I can tell you my own analysis of the community, you know, people, no, the test is allowed, tested in different ways. And allow me to promise to us the thoughts for life, you know, and if you're not tested, then you could also sell this test. And, you know, you know why I've not been tested? Right? And that's industry because what you're saying is so fundamental in terms of the gratitude, and showing the positive because

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we are we supposed to be optimistic people you're supposed to people that thank Allah thank, you know, fellow humanity, and that inshallah, we will be far more resourceful. And you get involved in the community in a far more meaningful way. Yes, yes. Yes. And that is the important fact that we need to get involved in a beneficial way in the community without causing harm without causing, you know, without hampering the progress of the community.

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What do you see? Right? You know, this point, you see, because I found that, you know, you're now dealing with people, lots of people are going to some difficulty and make it easy for them and

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guess what they're going through. But it's not them engaging the people, they tend to shut themselves off the intermediate prices existence, and even the home they are non communicated. And don't be left alone. And I think this compounds the problem, because what happens if you don't talk about it in the

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lab for help, what what often happens is that you can exaggerate the problem because the critical thing

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is once you talk about the problem, people are there to guide you to give you a solution. And it makes a huge difference. And we must have a problem is the end of the world. As I always say the dependent variable is not the end of the road.

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It is by we would like to take this opportunity to welcome our listeners as well to the program and to our discussion. You listening mastery Carnegie's dam International. My name is Nita Saad, my guest this morning, brother Idris camisa. And we are speaking about social issues or anything

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thing else that you would like to discuss or bring up, you most welcome to SMS 0731738461. And you can call us on 0185415 for engineers, Chad is standing by and as he is, he will

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let us know as soon as it comes. inshallah, in the meanwhile, you can listen in one way or another, you could also SMS me directly, it's always 28251, double nine one, I repeat that for a two, a two by one double 918282571, double nine one. So always 28251, double nine, one, all right, and

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number nine PsycINFO depressed

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DVDs in my memory this way, or whenever people call me to ask me about about you, and I might just give it to them.

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I think it's stage fright.

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Coming back to your social work that you have been doing and

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counseling, many couples, many individuals as well, some of the issues that you faced over this whole December period. Yes, there have been a number of issues.

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For me, you know, the very critical issue is

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that we as family, we need to get to know, you know, members of families to get to know them and get to know, the aspirations and the field. And you find that

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a thing that seems to be missing, most of the issues that I have been dealing with indirectly refers to the only aspect of communication. And, and because there is this lack of communication, and you find that the families are very, very dysfunctional. And as a result, you find that these are looking around not understanding, each one is doing his own bit, living his own particular life. And suddenly, when there is a problem, you know, it's a shock to the family. And sometimes, you know, these problems are really a Murphy, I mean, I've seen, you know, in one situation where there was a particular issue in the family. And it really, as I said, I think it really unites the family, but

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my understanding, but the important thing is this is what happens after the incident, you know, what lessons have been learned. That was one aspect. The other aspect that is also of very great concern is that, you know, too many people who are getting married, you know, are not prepared to go for premarital counseling, not prepared to do that. And they think erroneously, that because there is some kind of chemistry or whatever, that is enough to sustain the marriage. And that will really, really strike me, because I know and others involved. Like some helpline, Caroline hopeline, whoever the other people involved in counseling and doula would tell you that the statistics in divorce is

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not diminishing.

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And the irony of it all, and most of the marriages that are ending up these are not, are those marriages when the young people have found their own life partner, and they're not prepared to go for premarital counseling. And then thirdly, whether the man is becoming estimated, is up to 30. And as a result, you find that the

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second digit of each one of them, the third take that, for me, is also in a very grave concern, is the whole issue about the issue of drugs, you know?

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What are you doing mustafi. If you find that

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some

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men who are involved in drugs to make the whole thing more palatable, there's no even said use the right torque to do it. And the right content become more effective.

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So that you

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take the top and then the three. And the fourth thing that also is always worried with the fact that images are located generally, in our schools. And, and without the value judgment is the whole issue of creativity is missing completely.

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In the way we teach creativity in terms of teaching creatively, and teaching for creativity. And the last part, very, very quickly is this, that young people

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who want to separate the council of elders in the community, and they do not engage them. And because they feel a particular way, they assume that nothing can change the subject. And the start from the trainer. These are some of the I mean, they're quite a mouthful, but some of the broad areas in the seminary summarizing.

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Okay, it is very, very interesting topics that you've been

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addressing, for the holidays in in your counseling sessions. Once again, welcome to our listeners you can listen in and SMS also your thoughts. And your questions to Adrian's by 0731738461 and the Idris by SMS number 0828251, double nine on DirecTV, correct. That's

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111 more thing, one more thing. And that

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is

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something that is becoming like a recurring nightmare. Even people that

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I mean, you know, I probably break my heart in a year that the woman, you know, she's married to her husband exploits, exploits, financially, in every other way.

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And you know, and in the abuses of

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something very, very cowardly. And yet, the men does it guilty

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to seek counsel

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from somebody else, and the right person, or alone

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can be

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very

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nice haven for all these topics. Let's do, let's start with the first of them is a few topics here. And hopefully, we can get through quite a bit of them before the end of the hour. The first topic is your family, getting to know your family and understanding your family, what the likes are, what the needs are, not only your immediate family, meaning your wife and children, but to go a bit further than that your siblings, your cousins, other family members, and to get to know them intimately. This is what we need to do.

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Now, yes, that is fundamental. Because

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I think I can understand, you know, the people, the people, for example, would go out to the work.

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And then they come back, you know, the to exhausted to engage the family. But the idea that you're working for your family, and doesn't make sense that their family that you love, you know, you're not drinking with them. And I think the way to get to know your family, is to share with them the aspiration, to have a conversation with them, because you're the tenant, the latter often have a conversation with children. They're often interrogating them the awkwardness, that intelligence, have you done this, have you done this? now doing this and so on and so forth, is almost instruction, and doesn't mean itself from the child initiating a conversation with the Father. So

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the child will respond and say, you know, my son doesn't talk to me, you know, my daughter doesn't talk to me. But then again, you know,

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who has contributed to that reality. And as in that we must engage in so that conversation must start, you must create space, even after or you know, or supper, whatever, at a particular time to start doing that, because we are very sad days, when any member of the family passed away, you know, I had no idea who she was, I had no idea. I never got to know my own children. I never got to know my parents. And I think that is

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very steady

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and intimately knowing others as well. That would come if we take time out, obviously, to visit our family members. That's the first step that we have to take to visit family members or or get together from time to time and have some sort of reunion or even just a weekend together spending some time out together. This would

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become a means for us to get to know them better get to, you know, even traveling with them. That's the best way to know them.

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What do you mean?

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Someone

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in the family with an elder who understands the value of these things, was able to assert himself in a range that you know, he he takes a lot of time sometimes and not saying you can indulge in a lot of costs, and when family members, children in their extended family, democracy's incredible and what it also does,

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for young children to play in the field, without their cell phones and for now to solid in the ground, and he tells them, you know, to live with telling humanity and that is so important to run throughout the conversation, Kimberly, so on and so forth. But what is said that, you know, many people do not even do that, in fact in fully the nuclear family that you're talking about.

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Okay, 29 minutes after 11 you're listening to our music on radio, Islam International, my guests. My name is Juanita side, my guest this morning Bradley's camisa and we speaking about social issues you are welcome to SMS 0731738461 or 082825191 with any questions, queries, or messages that you would like to post and you can call in as well. 0718541548 it's just going to half past 11 we will be returning just after the break. Stay tuned.

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For more

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Welcome back to mesh recon re Islam international treaty seven months before 12 any warm welcome to our guest for the Idris camisa series by Salaam Alaikum. Welcome back.

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It is by coming back to our list of topics premarital counseling and how

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youngsters are shying away from premarital counseling. How important would you say premarital counseling is me outing I would regard it as something that you should make compulsory really. It should be compulsory so that you know

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The people involved in marriage, the young people understand the enormity of the sooner understand the dynamics involved in relationships, they understand what it takes, inshallah, to make the marriage a happy one, a successful one. So I think that that's something that you cannot ignore. And therefore it is fundamental that As parents, we got to make the precondition, we need to not suddenly tell them that

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the child should know, as they're growing up, that whenever you find a neighbor, you contemplate marriage is something that you're going to do, you're going to have this done, and do it because that way, inshallah, you know, what it does, is that it gives you a chance to pause to deflect. And if, for example, you realize that there are some issues that the respective parties are not in agreement with, and those issues are fundamental to the success of the marriage, then you you rather illustrate yourself, you're not going to go ahead, and, you know, but if you feel that there can be many, there's going to be some kind of compromising. And that is important, because in the end, I

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mean, you can read about marriage, but that alone itself cannot help you with medical, the practical reality is more than all of us know, it's something different, so to speak to someone who's got the experience to understand the dynamics of marriage was able to share with them in a number of things, the temperament of the individual, the habits of the individual, the attitude towards their own faith, the attitude towards, you know, preventing the attitude towards the last factor practical things like really the mistakes, but the project, and so on and so forth, these three, there has to be discussed, honestly, and frankly, and, and it is a different points of view, they have to be

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discussed. And they could be guidance accordingly.

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And

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when, especially with regards to the intimate issues increase, why it would be necessary for the youngsters, young boys who are going to get married, that prior to getting married, they need to speak to a learned alum, or an elder who is clued up with regards to advocates of intimate issues, and speak to them, frankly, and directly. so that they understand everything with regards to that. And so that they can, you know, approach marriage with knowledge and understanding and make things as comfortable as possible for both of them. Agree. And this is something sadly, it's not done yet. And I don't know why. What it is, you know, we're so busy trying to worrying about the wedding day,

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forget about those fundamental things. And you know, what, you often people say, No, no, no, no, I'll be happy with her and whatnot will be the day go on like that, right. And, but in the end, what will happen is that as soon as I see because you are so concerned about the happiness of your children, you're concerned about the well being, I think you must have the maturity. And you need to assert yourself regarding this.

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And then increased by creativity in teaching,

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lost artists teaching and lost art, or is it something that

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that finds its place within our society?

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No, really not Montana, I think more than any other time, any other time. And, you know, if you look at life itself today, that our kids, for example, get bored very, very easily. And if you wouldn't go there and just give a lecture somewhere, and you expect to the people to learn, you're wasting your time. And I think what's important is that part of being a muster up creator and abbyson allows them, as I said, once before, was a very, very creative process. Now creativity, funnel, creativity is not about you know, the arts and drama. You know, creativity goes beyond the creativity. It's about finding solutions. Creativity is about teaching something in an original way, without

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compromising on what it is, but teaching the very audience the way and I know that dynamic educators always think of teaching a subject no matter how many times are taught today, no matter how many times they given a lecture on Ramadan or in the lecture, the nav, can you find the E book? No.

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to present it in a different way, because you must understand that the landscape of the world has changed, your audiences have changed. And I think it's important to sustain the interest. Now, when you become predictable, when you become predictable when people know exactly that, you know, is fine now is the month of Ramadan. And the talk this person gave us 20 years ago, you give us the same talk, right? And then you got a heterogeneous audience say you got children there, people from diverse backgrounds. And so I think it's important enough, and therefore, I'm very lucky, you know, we have

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to inform the listeners, we just got maybe a month or two more, we have nearly completed on public speaking from an Islamic perspective, not by myself, you know, I think it's a skill, we need to people need to understand, but coming back to the classroom situation, and back to the madressa, I think it's important that you're able to find the children, you're able

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to be solution driven. And that is a fundamental solution themselves to participate, they get inspired, they find interesting, and they want to do their own research, and also looked at a a study, research that was done. I'm not surprised amongst the countries that spend the least amount of money on research in a Muslim country. Yet, we are not supposed to be trailblazers, we're supposed to be leaders. And I'm not surprised what is happening with the oma today, because we have forfeited the first ekra. And you're forfeited the old idea of creativity.

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Yes, really? And

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is the teachers in the secular world, you are bound by the principles and you are bound by the system and the syllabus is very, pretty much comprehensive. And there's a great amount of training also, that goes into that. So

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they are those challenges, additional challenges that come to Islamic teachers? But it all depends on question as well, isn't it?

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Yes. Because the I didn't, I shared this video that they found that children are born creative. In fact, most children will be the goddess g to the creativity. But you find that the scoring system today suppresses the creativity. The scoring system itself stifles curiosity, the scoring system tells you there's only one answer, the scoring system promotes rote learning and regurgitation, the scoring system does not promoted speaking naturally, the schooling system does not promote another perspective, the schooling system is hidebound by the textbook, that you find the creative teachers are able, you know, to do things differently, they're able to get the kids to participate. And they

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have a wow factor, my gosh, I got the answer, wow factor. And you find that this is something that you will need to understand and need to promote it, you know, nobody must tell me advice. And Vicki could not be creative, you know, you can

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maybe you lack the imagination, maybe you'd not have it. So therefore, for me, a teacher enough call himself a teacher, if he is not creative. I was saying the other day, that in a survey that was done, about the most dynamic teachers in America, and 95% of them stated that their most pervasive attribute they believe is makes them successful is their creativity,

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a creativity in learning in teaching and

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when it comes to the classroom situation, sometimes

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the Islamic institutions in the madrasahs you are you are quite limited, because in great constraint because of the number of classes that you have to go through them the time also that is allocated for each class, but that should be a challenge rather than a debilitating factor. Absolutely more than what you said in Allah bless you for that insight. Because what is fundamental

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is the fact that it is precisely when you are constrained

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Usually the lack of freedom, the end is decisive when there's a lack of freedom, then in the next few days, you'll be created. And that's, that's important that people say, you know, I need to be free. And people who are seen are not necessarily creative. They're creative people are people who analyze the situation, and find a solution under the law,

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induced by also,

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with regards to creative teaching, remember the workshop that you had in ermelo, with our masterpieces with the madrasa teachers, and how much they enjoyed your presentation there as well. And it really engages the children because the challenge that we are facing on the other hand, is that we are competing against television, paid actors, professionals who are in the field. And obviously, we don't want to present something boring, because the children say, this is the time to sleep, and when to wake up and

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concentrate. It absolutely. And you and you are competing with that, and more or less true, because one of the critical attributes of a CTO who is creative, is a person that is encouraging, is when he tells the child, you know,

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I'm here to help you, you can do it. Right, you can do it, come on, let's work together, and so on and so forth. And you know, what happens? It often we are so concerned about completing the syllabus, the complete syllabus and I say the finish the child. In fact, you know, the the the office lesson minute very important lesson, our children vessels to be filled in the vessel receptacles of knowledge, or they are sparks to be ignited in a dynamic teacher is a person that ignites a spark, a optimist and the motivates them, he thinks of a beautiful way to introduce the subject, keeps them thinking all the time, right. Otherwise, what happens they're nearly out there,

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enough to copy what just barely repeat what he has said. And, and therefore, more than any of the time, I would encourage him with his own schools with a double dome dome address or beverages that need to rekindle this passion of creativity because it is any chocolate part of what Islam is, I will not be allowed your

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creative teacher, he was solution driven

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all these words that you buy enough in another language, but yet, that's the reality of all our beloved parallelism was

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produced by coming back to the other topic that we have discussed. We've got about 10 minutes remaining of our program, and this is an important issue exploiting our wives and abusing them, financial exploitation and our wives not finding any voice or any support either. yet.

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Are some women and make it easy for them are so afraid of their husbands? They are so afraid of their husbands. They are so afraid to raise issues to find their husband is abuse abuse rule is valid. Right? Yes, you may walk around the community apply

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for it. And you find that enjoy the respect of all the individuals, the communities that they are literally have no idea of the level of the Mojave. Mauna Kea is atoma diabolically is at home. And you find that the woman will get phone calls. Sometimes. I tell him I like to meet you ask permission. No, no.

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He knows I phoned in. Now, can you believe that? You can? And maybe I mean, I don't understand the Milan I thought you might be lacking a lot of intelligence. If you're coming from a happy home, when you write the to be unhappy. I mean, it just makes sense to me, isn't it? You should recognize

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all about and it is important. And that led me in those regrets if they would regret the fact that they could have done something about it. They couldn't help their wives treated them differently. And then you only find the response in the

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when they die. When the spouse dies and they cry. And they say you know my gosh, what a pity. What a pity. I should have appreciated. I should have thanked, I do apologize. I should have been kind of

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Excuse me.

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This is why it's so such a sad aspect because

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I do that much for us, you know, they go out of the way they make sure that they are comfortable in whatever we want and then to go for to go on. And as an inner like Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam said in a hadith it was it was some of you that you beat your, your wise animals in the day, and at night you went to become intimate with them.

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That's a prophecy. We want to it's almost the, if we want to use them, you know, and we forget that they are people with emotions, with love, and affection, and may and we are not blessed. We are not protected. May they be the ones who missed us most than the past two years with the kids the pain will make it worthwhile to forgive us.

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Forgive us inshallah, if we can do that we'll do that from the heart without the recursion without leading to a huge financial legacy. You know, and I think they do that Alhamdulillah I think there will be Mashallah success of both Nepal. And Dr. Shanahan as he says, we're going to take a short break now. And we'll be back just after that.

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radio

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Welcome back to on radio Islam international

00:38:55--> 00:39:30

TV. We handle requests to repeat for the thesis numbers 08282519910828251991 It's okay as this morning brother Idris semi sir least by continuing with our program and we've had technical issues along the way they couldn't get through to where I was coming from here but I couldn't hear anything that my engineers are talking about that has been solved as well as somebody illogical

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It is my concern continuing with our program final issue that you brought up and perhaps you could just

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revise that and discuss it inshallah.

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And a big one a big one. The one issue I raised was the issue of the plugs

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and I'm so glad to be

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How to not see this as some kind of program. And it's really a disease, managing no community. And the reason why that is happening is one that, you know, kids are given too much freedom, too much money, and we have no idea.

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Because low self esteem and marriage in advance, you

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know, you challenge

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me. So what many of them do many of them are addicted to it, what they do is they

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get the wife to also, you know, drugs, because naturally, it becomes collectible. And so, the wife also partners in this crime. And

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he says, and you'll find that,

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you know, people will take these things they live in Paradise, and more importantly, they destroy forever, their own families, I mean, parents go through hell, and painful for them to acknowledge

00:41:16--> 00:41:18

what the children are doing. And I think

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we all need to get to know them

00:41:24--> 00:41:36

some activity in which the family can participate together. Otherwise, you find that our kids to make every excuse not to be at home, you know, the only come home speaking,

00:41:37--> 00:41:44

any meaningful engagement with them. So I left that to me becoming a real issue.

00:41:49--> 00:42:03

Know, there's never enough time to discuss about drugs. And there's never one solution that everybody can apply. It depends on the individuals and it depends on the support that they receive from the families.

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In eg what you see, right that we need to understand that and I say to parents, don't give up on your children, your children, don't give up on

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demand, you must not feed the cavity, once you start feeding.

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The familiar rule of thumb is this. If your kids for example, want to you know,

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change and

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acknowledge the problem an issue, then

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you cannot force people you cannot force them to go to

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drug rehab centers around the centers. They're reluctant to

00:42:47--> 00:42:47

pay

00:42:48--> 00:42:58

for your participation in the program tomorrow and inshallah we'll speak to you next week. We shall Amman, Allah bless you look up to you. And you look up

00:43:04--> 00:43:37

Allah He wabarakatuh that brings us to the end of the program. we'll mention it this guy's number once again for people who want to get hold of him 0828251 double 910828251 double nine one shooting Zealand for listening to our mistake on Radio International. If you have any feedback You're most welcome to email me just to gmail.com from Geneva, Switzerland this Thursday, Osama and ecomondo mental life to