Channel: Edris Khamissa
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It's just 110 past 11 Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
Welcome to Al mushrif on radio Islam international it is Thursday morning. And yes, the time that we have goes so fast as we discussed last week with Dr. Adrian camisa times in days, weeks and months are just flying past us and we do not even realize it's more than half of the economy already approaching the end of the third and then getting ready for the final examinations. Brother Idris is on the line with us and we welcome him on our program today it is by salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato walaikum salam, wlf mesilla here Barakatuh, my most beloved molana and you saw right, it appears on was I spoke to an hour ago and de UI again, we are reconnected the nature of time and
hamdulillah. Mashallah, yes, it is by
are going through this, this time and era, the stage in our existence as human beings were we feeling that we were feeling that time is passing by so fast.
But also on the other side of it, it is by, we have it still in our control, it depends on how we control and manage our time. In fact, Marlon, I'm so glad that you made reference to the time and how fast is moving it therefore, it becomes incumbent on us to do two fundamental things. Number one is live with intentionality, and live consciously. In other words, every day, you know, every day, you must tell yourself every day, what I intend to do, what's my purpose today in life. And once you ascertain your purpose, you make sure your activities revolve around your purpose. And living consciously means that every moment you spend, be aware of what you are doing to be self aware, be
aware of how you utilize your time. What kind of activity are you involved in? Are you postponing things that you need to do? But you're not doing it and you're saying it tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow? Because one of the aspects about when China moves so fast and we are leading every freaking existence, is that the things that are important often in the backburner things that are trivial and insignificant, that will not contribute to our growth becomes an obsession becomes a fixation and is something that drives us every day. And when you say my gosh, I was a Muslim I had a role to play. I was a father I had a role to play. I was a sibling I the role to play I'm a part of
Novosel allow you a certain I had a role to play. I'm a human being I the role to play in each of these areas have been sadly neglected. And when you are in the twilight years of your life, then many of us have regrets And may Allah guide us and may each day mean each subsequent day be a better day. Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah
it is by coming to a new day and each new day we think Allah subhanho wa Taala and each new day that we start off in perhaps this could be the basis of our program that we spend our days we work we go through different tests, trials, progresses, positivity is, you know, we achieved so much in the day. And at the end of the day, we are tired, we're exhausted we
you know, we we basically exhausted at the end of the day, we go to sleep, and Allah subhanaw taala blesses us with this beautiful rest, and the opportunity to recharge our batteries. And then we start off in the morning, again. And your advice this week could revolve around how do we start off our day with a positive outlook with a positive view on the world and being with an intention of being productive, and of making good progress and good success out of the coming day? Yes, that's really important. I think you know, one of the things that is important that as Muslim says our Navy said aloud, he was solemn, I mean in terms of how we spent the day it was so balanced. He had a
vision that Allah given him and I think it's important for us to look at ourselves, you know, as a holistic human being. On the one hand is we are psychological human beings, we need to look at the thoughts that we are exposed to, to what extent we negative or positive. We need to look at our emotional self. We need to see to what extent
We are expressive about our emotions. We need to look at our social self, we need to look at To what extent we are socially engaging with the rest. We need to look at ourselves spiritually in terms of our own spirituality, or what are we doing, and this areas we need to look at on a daily basis. And I think is important. And one of the habits that I've got, I'm not saying unnecessary stick to this habit is that on a daily basis out there, the day before, I would write down what I intend to do the next day and prioritize that. And the joy I get to tick off as I have done certain things, and less important, then it's critical that we need to do that we need to distinguish between what is
important, what is urgent, otherwise, if it neglect something that is important, we can become both urgent and important, because in the end, time loss that we can never regained. And I think it's important, especially the especially as fathers as mothers, we need to make sure
that whilst we are busy doing things for our family, we must also do things with our family. Once we are busy doing things for ourselves, we got to make sure people around us are part of this process. Nothing that is fundamental, because in my own experience, what I really find today is I find that they have a huge, huge lack of communication. They sometimes no communicate, sometimes these abrasiveness and the point that you made early on modernizing is a turning point, that when you work so hard in the day at night, we come home, we are too tired, and you know, a tightness sometimes, you know, we overlook our families. I know there are days when you are more tired than the previous
day, that of course we expect our families to understand you.
Yes, we we come back from our days at work and we are the people at home most often our wives have spent the entire day at home all alone. And this is the first point of interaction when we have met each other after a long day. And if we are happy to see each other if we're looking forward to seeing each other, then the meeting and greeting would be with would take a different twist and a different flavor. Like a newlywed couple who've been separated for the entire day when they come back together. The husband is probably brought back a chocolate or a sweet or something of a little gift for his wife, the wife has probably prepared something special, which she knows the husband
would enjoy to have as a meal. And this meeting would take on a different flavor. You know Mawlana you're saying that smiling you know how wonderful it is that when a man is coming from work and he says man, I'm going to my juicer but boy, with a smile on my dad. I'm going to make sure I'm spruced up neat. I go out there. You know it is not by chance or Novosel allow yourself the first thing we did when he came home to us and this work, you know, and it's important to understand the subjects to come there, put a smile there and what happened then the wife also she must also say to ourselves, you know, my man is coming. He is on his way up at five o'clock and I'm going to be
neatly spruced up for him to smile, and I'm not going to bludgeon him with complaints and I'm gonna tell him you know my done, I missed you. I love you. I missed you. Allah bless you. And he says daily need to administer my baby mice you should probably my dog has A Doll's House and you give her a hug what you know why the romance is gone from our home. And obviously so much romantic. We need to re engage we are so preoccupied with our Rosie Rosie come to Mulder and you know it's true that people are going through a stressful will modernity stresses in our life these days. But I think is important the happiest place to meet should be the home.
Yes The Home. Home is
the place where you find sanctuary at the end of the day. And we should be able to find happiness and peace and it happens with our attitude the deeper it is. This is the basis of it all that
we have to find happiness and we have to create that happiness with it attitude that we display. Now absolutely we need to do that. You know this is the nature of life The we find that we did not celebrate enough our families you know we have this kind of persona, the loving persona many people say no matter my wife, you know your husband is such a wonderful person is so charitable is so Carrie and my wife and I are white my mama well you're not staying with him. You know I i know better than you do. And this is an issue about discrepancy and I will not be Cinderella
Are you are seldom to get to know our database and allow you to tell them all is wise, you know, the body system and you have the kind of individually was the loving, caring person that he was supportive of each other, and engaging. And this is the nature of life, that sometimes we get so preoccupied and obsessed with what we do, we forget, you know, our responsibilities to our family, to our parents, and that, and we need to transform that. And if you can do it now, and you find that, you know, they smile when you smile, if someone is a southerner, and if you smile at your wife was upset with you, someday she's gonna smile back at you, right?
It may take a few years, but don't give up.
And have that attitude. In a positive person, like, You're lucky just by you've had this experience, many a time in your travels all around the world, you could go and sit in a taxi and be quiet, and then you take it, I would be quiet. And the fellow passengers would be quiet and the whole journey would go quiet. Or on the other hand, you go there and say, Hi, how are you? Where are you from? Can we talk or whatever. And then the whole mood of the charity actually changes also.
There's so true molana, I know, there is a book called The luck factor. And the thesis of this book is that luck favors those who are not afraid to engage in conversation with a total stranger. When Allah puts you in the plane, there are people sitting on either side on your side. Now when they are sitting there. Now you can either make a conversation with them. If you tie your conversation with limits, of course, we don't expect you to speak to them right to the mic. They might find you irritating. But more often than not, you find people will say You know what?
My gosh, I spoke to this person. I just met him by chance on the plane, there's no chance Islam, they no coincidence. And you say you know what you and he and I are partners in the business. I just spoke to him. And he is the kind of person I was looking for. And we do that if you verbalize our feelings and thoughts, many of us live in an interior world. We live in a very, very active now mind that thoughts running up and down the frenetic. But we do not we are not expressive with people that we're supposed to love with our families with not share what's in our heart. And what I find that many of these kids were products of these homes. These children find it difficult to sustain a
marriage they're not they do not know how to speak to the other to share what the feelings are they're not expressing what the emotions you know.
22 minutes after 11 we'd like to take this opportunity of welcoming our guests on the sorry, our our listeners on the program as well you most welcome to SMS 0731738461 you can call in and 11854155 My name is Juanita sad, and my guest this morning brother Idris, some Isa speaking about different aspects in shamanism is with regards to our lives, character development, different aspects of our life. And the easiest way on the point of waking up in the morning is a hobby of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
He was asked or somebody asked him that how did you keep a spider? How did you wake up? And the simple answer that he gave is as bad to be a man I have walked in with the man in a must panatela This is the first thing that we have to wake up with, with a man in Allah subhanaw taala recognizing the oneness, the greatness of Allah subhanho wa Taala and realizing that our sleep was also from Allah, our waking up is also also from Allah, and our day is in submission to Allah subhanho wa Taala the lamb the lamb, it's such a powerful thing, the first thing is a thought about was the man. And that's the point you see, we have relegated the man to the background. So when we get up, we get
up with that attitude, surely is going to bring a smile to your face when you know Alhamdulillah that your Eman is strong, and you get up there and what happens to the rest of the day, you ensure that you do not do anything that can impinge on the man can impact on it negatively. And this is the whole thing. Sometimes we forget that the what's in our control is our attitude, what's in control in terms of our belief system. And and regarding that monana One of the things that I found that many people who sit back indulge in self pity, they feel sorry for themselves, and they are blaming everyone for their own setup. And they assume they assume that the other person is bleeding. a far
better life, a life of happiness. Life is easy for him that allies unfinished usabilla and when you meet to those individuals, one
You get to know them. I often say this, they'll tell you a decade, they'll tell you there was some days when they didn't have any food, they will tell you, you know what, I was part of
a household where they ostracize me. And they'll tell you about the challenges and how they dealt with it. So I think that's important that we need to know, for every for every heartache, every heartache, they must be eased, you know, after every heartache. So, so this is a very critical aspect of our development. And this is the whole point. And we sadly, we only see Allah mercy when things go well for us, when we get a job, or someone gives you a contract. But when you are challenged valla because the weakness of a man, we don't see Allah's mercy. So this requires more than what you are discussing, is really a crisis, no community, a crisis, an identity crisis, a
crisis of existence, is a crisis in terms of or imagined. And I think I find this when you when you smile, when you accept things on your chin, and you do whatever is under your control, you leave the rest to Allah, you're a happy person. But if you think you know, you're the smart guy, that you're that guy that can determine your destiny in that sense, that because of your smartness, you're doing well, that you lost it completely. And as a result, you might be awake 24 hours a day. And and no one is benefiting from your enrichment, not even your family because you cut yourself from them. So the whole thing as we started the beginning, is to look at the idea of leading a holistic, a full
yes, it is.
This aspect of waking up in the morning with with Eman Allah subhanho, wa Taala, it also comes down it boils down the after, to
the to to intention, and our isness our correction of our intention, if you just had to wake up in the morning with this intention that I'm going to please Allah subhanho wa Taala I'm going to do whatever I can to please Allah And whichever engagement I have work I have whatever task I have, I'm going to do it with the intention of pleasing Allah subhanho wa Taala, we will find some Mendes benefit in tremendous growth in that as well.
modernize it's such a, it's so simple.
Yet many people find difficult. I think it's important for us to understand that.
If we as I spoke about earlier on body intentionality, and living consciously, I mean, when you live like that, you if you only want to please Allah, I mean, one of the questions I often ask and I'm the law as I'm talking to you, I have a very, very dear friend of mine. And he's gonna say a few words, in the smoker brother, he's my teacher, in a mentor, I love him for the sake of Allah. And you can I tell you how not to
and would refer a year, I see this, this is the whole point.
Very critical point that you raise, you know, and one of the questions. One of the questions, we often ask people, and I've said this before, who are you? And the response you get, my name is smile, or I missed the surgeon. So I'm Doctor said, never asked your name. Neither asked you agenda and asked you what profession? And the best answer and I think it's an important thing, I think it informs the way we do things was I am nothing but a humble servant of Allah. What a powerful thing. And if you say that in every day, you're going to measure it and say, Was I a humble servant of Allah? Or was my own servant? Did I do things for my ego? What did I do for the oma? And these these
are fundamental things and I think if the listeners that can go back for that, and to realign themselves, in terms of being a servant of Allah, then I think we are going to win. But if you're going to be someone else's servants, and do things blindly to appease them, if you're going to be a servant of humanity of things, you've got a problem. If you're going to be a servant of your ego, that'd be a problem. If you can be a servant of your boss in that sense, whatever it is, that we find problematic and I think it's important for us Alhamdulillah we had an opportunity through your good offices and the station to remind ourselves in terms of what we supposed to be doing. Some of
us we're going to take a short break. Now I have a question, which we will see to inshallah after the break. For the listeners Stay tuned to our mashreq on Radio snam International.
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With the sunrises its rises for everyone join molana geniza SATs on almost every Monday to Thursday between 11 and 12pm live out of ermelo Mpumalanga, the place with the sunrises regular contributions by Milan as
well as mature
welcome back to unregistered international Welcome back to our guests for the Idris camisa. introspect. Let's let's go to some of the topics that you dealt with over the past week. If not, this week, more than I can only be with regard to trails. Right. So anyway, let me tell you, I dealt with some very, very serious cases.
The one is, I think, I must think we must not, especially when you marry someone from outside your country, you got to be very, very circumspect about the choices you make. And not often people are motivated, because they care for you. Sometimes they're motivated to get the papers, right. Sometimes they're motivated by other reasons, I'm not saying everyone is the same, I'm not generalizing, and you find that the cultural differences often has a profound impact on the other. And I find that there are lots of our girls are married people from other parts of the world. And many of them I know, having serious problems in the marriage. And therefore, I would recommend very,
very strongly, strongly that very, very strongly that they need to go for premarital counseling, they need to understand the culture of the other. And for exam, one case I'm dealing with where the stress is from another country, I don't mention it. And he took these two kids away, and now he wants to come back. And the effect I'm going to see the parents and the girls immediately after this program. And that's one. So I think one has to be very, very guarded. So one of the things I've been saying, and maybe maybe some people are getting tired of it is a premarital counseling, and it's so fundamental. You have it, there are some things that you feel that you cannot negotiate, you're
unhappy with it, don't get married, don't get married, because that has people not going to disappear into thin air. And that's fundamental. That's one.
The second aspect that I want to speak about is this, that, you know, I'm dealing with a lot of these cases also a great number of cases of, you know, brothers,
brothers, who are having illicit relationship with their brothers, wives or sisters have fallen in love with the sisters husband. Now, this to me is because I think the higher is gone, modesty is gone. And one has to maintain that degree of higher the degree of separation that they have to respect the space, because as they say, familiarity does not breed a content. It breeds a camp. So when people get to know each other, it becomes easier for them, as it were to make an overture and this can be very destructive and often you find I know of instances where girls are
Become impregnated, you know, and so these are some of the challenges I'm dealing with. And may Allah make it easy, I don't judge anyone. You know, it's not to say that we do not have skeletons or we are perfect people. But we do it purely because to support to guide people in that area. So those were the two things that I felt I need to share Alhamdulillah and the other good news is this. That next week, inshallah, I'm doing a program for the Jamia a nutshell, on the art of public speaking and counseling techniques, I'm doing that program for them, then shall be doing a few more in Durban. And so, so, this is Montana some of the concerns in
it is by this this question that has come up on SMS and perhaps you could deal with that first before we go in if we have time still for your other two topics. The person asked the question, sir lamps please inform me as to how is a mature Muslim have is at home, supposed to earn her keep in her parents home and be a wife as well has been keeps on asking me and my two grown up unmarried daughters this please help increase by Yes, you know, this is a point, I think we need to be very, very realistic. Sometimes, you know what Missa tee demands the person needs to leave the house. And we need to be realistic about it, you know, we need to take our precautions, if that needs to be
done because of a dire need. I do not have the issue will be long as certain things are followed the Sharia is complied upon. And you will find that many people make demands on their spouses, but the spouses cannot fulfill the demands because of limitations that I impose on them. And I think we need to understand that especially in this day and age. Of course, you know, Rosie Kosmala, we need to ask Allah for Baraka. And sometimes circumstances dictate when there's been unforeseen accidents or unforeseen circumstances where the demand is made a lot more on our sisters, to earn a keep. And I think each one can do what they're capable of doing what they have a flair for. So I think it's
important that they need to have that you cannot demand something without giving the person the appropriate support, you know.
So there's, there's a balance that you need to strike between one seeing to your parents and seeing to the knees and then also seeing to the responsibilities of the husbands. Yeah, because that's the critical thing. I think one is the each context is different. The context is different. Because sometimes, you know, you'll find today especially a lot of the sons are not prepared to look after the mothers, a lot of this is not uncommon for for mothers to be staying with their son in law, then I got no issue with that. And you find that circumstances change. And as one father said, I prefer to have a daughter than a son because I know even my daughter gets marriage look up to me, my son
will not look after me. So I think it's purely circumstantial, the test to be fair, at the same token, the girl must not go overboard in the sense that sharing so much of compassion for our own parents, that she neglects a critical area and parents themselves should not impose on their daughters. In the sense it is going to impact on the relationship. It's about you know, walking that narrow line, trading that narrow line, you know, doing a balancing act and we as human beings are capable of doing that you know,
okay, it is a coming to the topic of marrying people from foreign countries and people from other countries. Obviously, there is nothing wrong with it. But there is a basis of compatibility that we need to consider, especially when when when marrying a person from a different culture to ours from different ways to ours. Absolutely not without generalizing, you know, different countries, people have different kinds of temperaments in the attitude is different. And so I think it's important to, you know, to find out to go for premarital counseling to understand each other, and then otherwise you're going to be it's going to be problematic, and even though the person may stay with you for
the rest of your life, then you're almost there beleaguered that you under beseech and you find it difficult to express yourself, because the attitude of a particular culture may be purely men shamanistic, or the temperament may be the hot you know, in their mind, that temperament, they they get agitated very quickly, and so on and so forth. It's important for us to come to some understanding of each other because when people say
They love each other. And their love blinds them to each other's reality. So I think it's important that they need to understand each other.
We have a caller on the line, can we take the caller? Yeah, please, sir, Mr. ecomondo law, when it comes to them, I find your discussion very interesting. I'd like to know his
daughter in law. We spoke about the daughter having great responsibilities as a daughter in law. Now, it's an ongoing thing. But what happens when you are left with an abusive in law? How do you what is the sun's position there? And what as a doctor, you know, how do you deal with that? does it become your responsibility? Because it's the sons responsibility, and you have to enjoy verbal abuse all the time.
Does that mean love for that question, sister,
Midas response to that is a fault.
that people will have challenges. When, when the wife tells the husband that your mother abuses me, do not take it lightly. You need to deal with it at an early age and the early part of the marriage, so you can nip it in the bud. Now, as much as you love your mother, your mother or your father, that does not give them liberty to abuse your particular wife on one hand. Secondly, my suggestion to the daughter in law, whenever they the first sign of abuse, yo did not respond with similar abuse. We need to talk to your husband, your husband then needs to raise the issue with your parents and his parents. But he must not say that my wife is complaining he must say, you know what I noticed
there's some tension. Yeah, I noticed sometimes when you speak to my wife, your tone is them, you know, Mommy, there's something wrong something I need to know. And therefore, that should become part of the initial pre metric discussion. Because every daughter in law is different. I dealt with one case with the dot law said quite clearly,
he would like to have relationship with the mother in law with a mother in law has an issue is she telling her son, she masella directly and she has an issue, she would sell it directly and they came to that understanding. So every context is different. Because in the end, it's about how you manage disagreement. How you manage conflict, because conflict sometimes, if it's done properly, oftentimes, it can lead to a mature reciprocal understanding.
for your time this morning, it's come to the end of your time here and you have some other work to attend to jack ma seven, and Shannon Aziz will speak to you next week, inshallah mala and I got to take my beloved teacher smartcrypt Radha to another school and I'll take him there. Allah bless you is always always a joy to speak to you. And remember that look after your shoes you probably know be the doctor of love as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah
wa salam Rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh. That was Idris camisa. speaking to us from seven this morning chickens and Elan and to my studio operator, sama and shooken to you for listening to the program this morning from Geneva. satis Adama aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.