A Blissful Marriage

share this pageShare Page
Ebrahim Bham

Channel: Ebrahim Bham

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:01

mohyla Milena Viva

00:00:03--> 00:00:10

La Mulana Viva la vida de la kita Baba kitabi we're actually at Avada Shariati.

00:00:11--> 00:00:17

I'm about to fold them in LA humanness. shaytani r rajim Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem

00:00:18--> 00:00:25

wa Sharona Wilma maroof Fein curry to Muna fossa and Takahashi

00:00:26--> 00:00:31

via Allahu Fie Hayden kathira set a colloquialism.

00:00:33--> 00:00:35

My dear respected elders and brothers

00:00:37--> 00:00:40

for proper social cohesion in society.

00:00:41--> 00:00:44

Allah subhanho wa Taala in our Sharia

00:00:45--> 00:00:47

has instituted several steps.

00:00:49--> 00:00:55

And one of the most important steps is that of marriage between male and female.

00:00:57--> 00:00:59

To the unfortunately you have to

00:01:00--> 00:01:07

specify male and female, but be as it may that is one of the steps that Allah Allah has given for social cohesion.

00:01:08--> 00:01:15

And together with social cohesion, marriage has many, many benefits.

00:01:16--> 00:01:34

I don't want to speak so much on the benefits and the reasons and the objectives of marriage. But briefly to say amongst the many the benefits, it is a sonata of Gambia, Lima Salatu was Salam and more so the sunat of our beloved Nivea Creme De La La Silla. And therefore the very famous

00:01:37--> 00:01:44

Hadith which many times the youngsters know very well Annika woman suniti that Nika is from my way of life,

00:01:45--> 00:02:02

whether they know other students or not, but of course, this one day normally do know them together with that is a means of pious children coming into being the means of emotional and spiritual companionship, which Allah has made it mentioned in the Quran, Lita school UI,

00:02:03--> 00:02:15

and of course, it brings stability to our communities where there is proper marital life, and they happy families, and the community is stable.

00:02:16--> 00:02:49

And perhaps one of the greatest harms that have come about because of apartheid, because besides the many other harms, that he broke down family life, and when family life became broken, you had disjointed families, you had disjointed children, you had illegitimate children, and you didn't he couldn't contribute to society, but be as it may, these are all the benefits amongst many other benefits of marathon life. And when this particular great anchor of our community becomes threatened,

00:02:51--> 00:03:02

and when this shows signs of disintegration and breaking down the way it is now, in our communities in society, it has become so

00:03:03--> 00:03:52

so common marital problems that one sometimes wonder where am happy marital lives? Are people happy in the marriage nowadays? Now, this is no more only an aspect between two individuals. It has far reaching consequences upon the stability of the community, the morals of the community, the children that come out of there they are impacted both positively or negatively, depending upon the marriage. Can you imagine what happens to children, when the husband and wife and the mother and father are constantly fighting and constantly engaging in argument with one another? What happens to those children? And that is a reason why a Muslim there is such an amazing Hadith that must make us think

00:03:53--> 00:04:38

that nebbia Kareem Muslim said he believes puts his throne in the water. And he takes reports from all the different small shaytans small gymnasts. They come and give a report to the police. And they all give that today we did human being we made human being do this wrong. One says I didn't make him perform select one say I made him do give do lies. One say I made him you know deceive other person and one say I made him break his promises. He believes listens to them. doesn't say anything. One small Janet comes in say I made the husband and wife the mother and father fight. I didn't leave them. I continued with them until the husband divorced the wife. He bleeds leaves all the other

00:04:38--> 00:04:58

small shaytans he said you come here you come sit next to me on the throne. You have done the greatest benefit from his perspective in terms of evil because you have broken a family. When you have broken a family. Do you know is that only breaking two individuals. It's breaking the fabric of community and society.

00:04:59--> 00:05:00

Today we don't look at it

00:05:00--> 00:05:32

Like that, and we can already in our community today we can see that the impact this is having having upon our community and society because of us not paying enough attention to this. And today I thought that today we're going to speak about certain aspects that can help us make our marital life one of bliss, bliss, one, that grand stability, one that will inshallah help us, and we'll have the community and society and when we talk about formulas for a blissful marriage, for a happy marriage,

00:05:33--> 00:05:39

as is anything in our Sharia. Where do we start off from? We start from Allah azza wa jal.

00:05:40--> 00:06:23

The first formula for a blissful marriage is to have Taqwa of Allah, to have the fear of Allah. fear of Allah taqwa has many meanings, that have given us many meanings. The meaning of taqwa means to fear Allah, you fear Allah because of the greatness of Allah. You fear Allah because of the majesty of Allah. You fear Allah because of insignificance before mighty Allah. You fear Allah because of Allah tala as favors upon you, which we have not been able to reciprocate and atrocities in the Quran when Minghella Maja bitumen has Shatila, even stones, they fall down from great heights sometimes out of the fear of Allah. You and I think we just falling from one you know what I was,

00:06:24--> 00:06:31

you know from the Chapman's peak you find a boulder rock rolling down. It is coincidental another law says no, they are falling down out of the fear of Allah.

00:06:32--> 00:07:04

fear of Allah is one of the meanings of taqwa. Another medium of taqwa is to have to have consciousness of Allah. So we are literacies in the Holy Quran, Maya Konami, najwa thelotter in illawarra view there is never three people conversing except the fourth is Allah tala. When I'm certain Allahu Assad is you are five and laser six. Well who am alchemy nama quantum he is with you wherever you are. So consciousness of Allah, Allah is with me at all times. And the third meaning of taqwa Allah has given his

00:07:06--> 00:07:48

authority a lot on one day as well as nikka obey. You know, the Quran Tell me what is the meaning of taqwa. So maybe cupsole amirul momineen taqwa is to take precaution. And he says, imagine you have to pass and cross a path which has got full of thorns, how are you going to cross it? So Marina hottub said, I will cross it with extreme precaution that my feet does not trample upon the thorns and I'm not hurt. So maybe cups and O'Meara want me there's a million of taqwa every step of my life, I must not trample upon the commands of Allah. Now you will say, why what is the quote got to do with marriage? What is taqwa got to do with a blissful marriage, it has much to do. And therefore

00:07:48--> 00:08:04

it is no coincidence. Because none knows. No action of nebbia cream sauce lamb is coincidental. And Latina says woman taco and El Hawa in Hua Illa II, you will have whatever it may be a cream sauce Lim said it is from Allah. It is divinely inspired.

00:08:05--> 00:08:51

It comes from Allah subhanho wa Taala. So whenever Karim saw Salaam recited the is of taqwa in nica, it tells you how important this quality is to have a blissful marriage. It means even in the most private moments of your marital life, when you are alone in the bedroom, when you think that I can speak to my wife the way I want to, and by and large, but I'm going to, I'm speaking to male so I'm going to be speaking how you should treat their wives. When I speak to the woman, I'll tell them how to how to behave with you. But today, I'm gonna tell you how to behave with them. So even in their particular time, Allah is watching you, even if society is not watching you. Allah is with you, even

00:08:51--> 00:08:56

if society is not with you. That is why someone came to Hassan Hassan Viola on one day and said,

00:08:57--> 00:09:09

Oh, grandson of Nivea cream sauce from I want to get my daughter married, who should I get married to? So look at this reply as far as some of the ultimo said, get her married to someone who fears Allah.

00:09:10--> 00:09:28

get her married to someone who feels Allah and he gave the reason. If he is happy with her, he will treat the kindly but even if for some reason they are not happy. His fear of Allah will prevent him from treating your daughter unjustly.

00:09:29--> 00:09:59

If he has a fear of Allah, He will treat your daughter unjustly. So brothers, the first aspect that you people must bring in with regard to this family life is to fear Allah, so that when we fear Allah, we will be able to treat our wives kindly because Allah is watching how we treat and always keep in mind. It is the test of a person's character is not how he treats his friends or his boss who's gonna treat his boss badly. Who's gonna treat is the test of a person's character is how do you treat

00:10:00--> 00:10:40

Those who are under your authority Allah has kept the woman under your authority, how do you treat her? Although that authority nowadays also under question under scrutiny, for various reasons, I will come to that. So, that is the first thing. The second thing my dearest fingers, which perhaps is the crux is to have tolerance. And today this is in short supply I don't know why is it in short supply, but is in short supply, we can tolerate the shortcomings and weakness of one another. We are not saying that you must justify the weakness. But brother brothers, whenever we look at our Sharia, we find that in our Sharia, even in terms of weakness, the Sharia always implemented gradual

00:10:40--> 00:10:41

reformation

00:10:42--> 00:11:25

you find alcohol was made haram gradually in stages. So even if there is weakness in your spouse, that particular reformation must come gradually. And that gradual reformation will be more permanent and everlasting then for you coming to put an ultimatum you better do this or else first of all that also else also nowadays doesn't work, but because it may. Now what do we do with regard was keep in mind with regard to our spouses, neither are we perfect. Neither are we perfect, neither is a wife perfect. Neither are we perfectly match, no matter how long you went out with your wife or a little Villa if you have done so which is wrong. The fact is, you're not perfectly match two individuals

00:11:25--> 00:12:03

with different intonations different ways they're coming together. You have to make you have to make space and accommodation to tolerate one another. There is no quest for zero defect in this matter. There is no zero defect. Therefore, Allah tala sees Why should I build my roof that treat your wives kindly for incorrect tuna if you dislike something for Santa crochet, perhaps you dislike one quality, but Elias kept so many other good qualities, you know, you don't look at the good qualities, you only looking at the bad qualities, you only want to look at those things that are negative, those negatives work towards improving it, but look at some of the positives, accentuate

00:12:03--> 00:12:41

the positive, overlook the negatives, so that you can make your marriage work. And gradually you will work towards that which is which is beneficial. And you see many times. Husbands also we like to throw comments to score points. So we always throw it to the wife is you know, Allah made you from a cricket rep you're always giving cricket. And we normally say that but you know, in that case, so much wisdom of the Navy of Allah. There is so much wisdom. That the way you and I we live with a crooked rub, we live with it. Whether you like it or don't like it, you live with a crooked rub. your ribs are crooked you live with it. In a similar manner, the Navy of Allah is telling us

00:12:41--> 00:12:47

Your wife is not perfect. She has an imperfection, the way you have imperfection maybe more Allah knows.

00:12:48--> 00:12:53

But the way you will live with the imperfection of Europe, live with the imperfection of your wife.

00:12:55--> 00:13:31

That is how Allah has made her. So live with a particular imperfection. Brothers, we always like to take cue from none other than our beloved Nivea cream sauce. Do you know the tolerance of Nivea cream sauce, not only with his wife, where everyone is one amazing incident that is in that in that series, holed up into lava came to Nivea cream sauce for him to complain about her husband. So if people complain about the husband, it happened in that time and the resources. So when she came to complain about her husband, that the husband said certain words, which in that time amounted to Tilak and amounted to the breakdown of the marriage. I don't go into the details. I want to give you

00:13:31--> 00:13:40

a lesson. Right? It was the wrong story. But in that particular time, it amounted to the breakdown of the family life and she came in complaining.

00:13:42--> 00:14:11

I was young, my husband got married to me. I looked after my youth, I became old serving him. I gave him children. Now when I'm old, he wants to divorce me, you know, and she complained to him. He doesn't want to treat me kindly after I've given him so much service. I've done this in this for him. So maybe I can himself himself according to what he has told you. And what we know at that time the command is that the nikka breaks unless Allah reveal something to me, unless Allah sends a revelation. But until that time unica is broken.

00:14:13--> 00:14:16

She said, yaroslava isn't the revelation gonna come about this?

00:14:17--> 00:14:36

Revelation. She waited for a while then she said amazing. See what she told me saw some amazing sathyaraj sudler like that. Every day you get revelation like that every day you get revelation on my method, no revelation, no way he come to you via cream sauce and didn't get angry. Maybe saw some tolerated could understand the background where she's coming from.

00:14:39--> 00:14:57

He tolerated today we must we don't have this particular time many times, problems in domestic life becomes minus data from minor issues. That becomes magnified and becomes more difficult when couples become insensitive and intolerant of one another's mistakes.

00:14:59--> 00:15:00

This is so simple.

00:15:00--> 00:15:39

You see the weakness of your wife must make you realize your own weakness in front of Allah tala. There is already such a beautiful incident as a chakra, this one has a crease. In his Kitab Sahaba. Allah has written this incident, that one day, as a shareholder, this one as a career sub was, was rebuking his servant. He was rebuking a servant. And he is telling his seven I told you to do this, why he couldn't do it. So he said, math can make me math. And I, I forgot it. So as a chef, he said, How many times was I making math? How many times kidney murtabak? How many times I tell you don't do this, you're doing it again. And again. How many times was I forgive you? When I lost the frontal

00:15:39--> 00:15:48

alley was nearby there. He was put into the ears of other people Hadith. And he said, forgive him, as many times you want Allah to forgive you on the day of

00:15:50--> 00:16:31

it number tamaskan. Forgive him as many times when Allah Allah to forgive you. So this particular aspect, my dear respected brothers, is very, very important. There is no there is no zero defect, there is no perfection. They say sometimes the perfect marriage is between a blind wife, who can see the weaknesses of the husband, and a deaf husband, who doesn't listen to the nagging of his wife. Maybe they could work I don't know. The second the third thing my the respect of others is trust in respect, some or the other will lower them why why does it be like this, that when we find common ethics, and common law, which maybe a cream sauce LMS told us, when one doesn't know why we feel

00:16:31--> 00:16:34

that those particular common ethics and o'clock doesn't apply to our wives.

00:16:36--> 00:16:45

But it applies to them to a greater extent than what it is that it applies to other people. Right now look at this at Elijah, Julia.

00:16:47--> 00:17:26

It is not permissible for a believer to remain aloof from another believer for more than three days. And I am dealing and many people in the gym to deal with this particular aspect. On on I'm so common basis that because there is in this attempt, there's an argument people give their wives a silent treatment, they don't speak to the way for more than a month. What are you doing the number of unless it is not permissible for you not to talk to another person for more than three days? Is it only applicable to outside the house outside the house, but applicable to inside the house? silent treatment for one month husband is not talking to the wife what is going through her mind you

00:17:26--> 00:17:43

opening up doors for her in terms of temptations in terms of doing things that she's not supposed to do, but yet we have people doing this work on Liberty equality, he asked them to my bonds when they should speak when they speak to one another they should be speak in a good manner was a pleasurable manner.

00:17:44--> 00:18:20

Today, how do we speak just think about this by Junaid Jamshed was here recently and when he gave this talk, so he said you know, sometimes I know when a person is talking to his to his wife in talking to someone else. He said when a person is talking to his wife and she has to form while he's busy. Yeah. Why do you phone? Don't you know? What? What do you want? You want this property for you yesterday? That's how we talk. You know, I'm busy. I'll phone you again later on. He said earlier he even made mention of this is a joke. And if he has to speak to someone Eliyahu Billa who has got a wrongful relationship, but I'm not saying he's right. But I'm just giving you the equation. If you

00:18:20--> 00:18:57

have to speak to someone whom you are willing before marriage, how do you speak? Hello, Mary lol why did you for me I would have phoned you up like your phone camera phone colletta. But yeah, what is this? He says the way our D this is not the way that we are supposed to do it. Of course when we have problems, then who do we blame? I'm not saying all the fault is only ours. But I mean, surely we must be perfect. alumina latinus original Cava Mona Lisa, what does it mean? That Allah has made you an authority part of that authority is and that is what Allah has given tullock in in the hands of husband, not wives.

00:18:58--> 00:19:36

Why the law is given a lock in the hands of the husband, perhaps even given it to the wife when all of us would have been finished? callous? No, no, no marriage to talk about, but a nice give it to the husband for you to behave responsibly. A view yourself don't behave responsibly. What do you expect them in the respect of others? Allah has given it to you because Allah expect you to behave responsibility, and what is the responsibility, responsibility, we take that word responsibility and you break it up, the ability to respond, the ability to respond to any situation, you are supposed to respond to a situation appropriately. Not that when she gets angry, you also get angry, you have

00:19:36--> 00:19:59

to do you have to you have to take your responsibility serious. And part of that is also respect. I mean, the respect, trust, trust is so important one of the most important factors for all religion. When trust is broken, it can signal the end of a relationship. It leads to set suspicion which generates anger, which in turn leads to enmity and eventually breaks the relationship. It also goes without saying that our

00:20:00--> 00:20:33

actions must engender trust. So if I will actually engender trust, then there will be trust. But of course, trust is so important and sometimes if you don't have trust, it can break down the relationship. And that will be I have normally I mentioned this very humorous incident that you know, the husband was being the wife was going out for something and she told a child going going phone your father and telling him was for me urgently. I can't get through to him. He must for me urgently. You know, I have some very important work. The wife went out came back the husband's children phone now she's angry. First of all, she's angry. And she tell the child Why didn't you

00:20:33--> 00:21:12

tell your father to phone me? It told the father but he every time I picked up the woman was picking a woman was speaking now she is angry now become even more angry. Because the husband came she made a big scene. How First of all, he didn't phone me I didn't work with you. Then when the child phone you a woman is phoning who is it human? don't realize what you're doing. You've got a marriage. Now the poor husband is worried Who's this woman called a child? What happened who phoned What did you do? He said no every time I found there was a woman who answered the subscriber you have dial is not available at present. Please try again later. Now brothers you see this? Can you imagine what will

00:21:12--> 00:21:28

happen if there is no trust and relationships break in this way? And let Allah says Allah has created wipes for you later spoon UI has that you gain comfort. We must live in such a way that we gain comfort from one another. Otherwise we are defeating the purpose and objective which Allah Allah has commanded marriage.