TaSeel #45
Date:
Channel: Yaser Birjas
Series: Yaser Birjas - Ta'Seel
File Size: 55.03MB
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AI Generated Summary ©
The speakers discuss the concept of mutual interaction during wedding ceremony, including insha'am, inshaunity, and equal treatment. They emphasize the importance of providing and provision to avoid being treated unfairly and finding a way to control the situation and avoid mistakes. The speakers also discuss the importance of physical discipline, avoiding physical harm, and not touching one's body until dry. The concept of destination and the importance of not harming others in a given area is emphasized.AI Generated Transcript ©
So tonight
we have been going slowly in this list
of, what Imam Ibn Qudam
is mentioning as the etiquette of mutual interaction
between husband and wife. So tonight, there's kind
of some of those heavy points that we
need to explain a little bit, InshaAllah Ta'ala,
in more in a little bit more details.
So, at least we we clarify
a short statement
and what does it mean exactly in the
in the, the practice of the din, inshallah,
wazhu jal. So, with that being said, we're
gonna be starting inshallah from point number 8,
I believe. We finished number 7 last last
week. Right? So we're gonna start from,
point number 8, inshaAllah.
Follows.
Equal treatment,
with multiple.
This pertains to sleeping with them and giving
them things, not to love, hope, and intercourse,
as that is not in his hands.
If he travels and wishes that one of
them accompanies him, he should draw lots. Whoever
wins goes with him.
Of the many etiquettes that needs to be
observed between a husband and wife, he said,
if this person has multiple wives,
equal treatment. What is required over here
is. So if someone has multiple wives, is
obligation upon this person to have,
that equal,
our Adil, I would say,
Not necessarily to have equal
treatment in the sense that they have to
be all in the same way, but it
has to be actually even,
meaning everybody gets what they need from their
spouse. And what does that exactly mean here?
So he explained in a few in few
things. He
says this is basically his pretense to sleeping
with them and giving, getting them things. As
a matter of fact, the translation actually is
wrong
because it's not about sleeping with them, it's
about al mabid, which means sleeping in the
house with them. That's what it means, like
as long as you stay in the in
the house with them. So do they have
to sleep in the same bed? Can they
sleep in different beds, in different rooms? Obviously
that's not expected because if you're married you
need to be together.
But al mabid over here is that you
spend you spend the night in their place.
So for example, if you had multiple places,
multiple homes, multiple apartments,
each has its own apartment. In this case,
the person is obligated to,
make sure
that you alternate
the time where you spend the night. So
one night here, one night there, every other
night, and so on.
And we're gonna talk about a little bit
more in details, but I'm just gonna go
over the statement as he mentioned here
So the first thing is al Mabeet, which
means spending the night in their place.
The second, al-'Ata.
Al-'Ata means nafaka over here, means what he
spends and how he provides
for them.
So, and that's also in terms of adil
and justice. Again, not equal treatment. The word
equal treatment actually, it's kinda a little bit,
yeah and confusing and it's not it's maybe
deceiving even because it's not about equal, it's
about even. What does that mean? So it
comes to given, the ulama they say,
it's according to what is customary.
So if you have a wife that has
5 kids and one has no kids for
example, you're not gonna give them equal
but you're going to give them what is
even.
So the one who has 5 children, definitely
she's going to get more in terms of
number, in terms of figure than the one
who has no kids yet.
So therefore, it has to be an even
way. Similarly, when it comes to also providing
for them, let's say, the the the place,
home. So if you have if you have
a family with children,
maybe more or less, so therefore an apartment
of 2 2 bedroom apartment versus for example,
3 bedroom apartment or a house for instance,
as long as it's considered equitable
but not necessarily equal.
So that's what the meaning of adil would
come to the in fact over here.
It's not going to be in terms of
love
or intercourse,
intimacy.
So in terms of love, this is the
inclination of the heart
and no one can really control that no
matter how much you try, no one can
control that. And even there was a there
was a narration from Aisha
Ima bin Hazm
he reported
that the prophet
he used
to used to divide the financial
provision
between his wife, so he gives them allowances
basically.
And then he would say,
You Allah, this is my division and what
I have control over.
Don't hold me accountable for
what I cannot control. He means by that
the inclination of the heart because it's known
to all of us that the prophet sallallahu
alaihi wasallam's
he loved Aisha
more than any other wife.
As for the subject of intercourse, now that's
obviously it's a matter of,
it's a matter what you call it basically,
it's a matter of nature.
You know, sometimes the lady herself not interested
in that often, for example. Just because you
have to sleep with your spouse, for example,
one night, doesn't have to happen that you
have to intercourse the next night with the
other wife. It's a matter of,
of nature. So if she if she, for
example, had the desire for it, then you
need to fulfill that. And some might have
more need for intercourse than others. So it's
a matter of fulfilling their needs, that's what
it what it means over here. Not a
matter of you don't have to have it
in the same equal number of nights and
so forth.
Because you cannot control that, that's not in
your in your hand. So if he travels,
now what about traveling?
So when it comes to travel he says,
and and wish that one of them accompanies
him, he should draw lots. That's what the
prophet salallahu alaihi wasalam used to do. But
prior to drawing lots, the prophet
used to ask them first.
He would say, who wants to travel with
me?
And if he had more than what he
can take with him,
then he would draw a lot amongst those
who chose to go out with him.
But if for example Aaruf his wife, salallahu
alayhi,
none of them wanted to go out
except for Aisha for example. That's it. She
goes,
but if there were 5 of them and
he only could take 2 or 3 for
example in this case then he had to
draw out between the 5 and whoever Sahmaha
Yakhrooj, anyone that actually wins that, she goes
out with the prophet sallallahu ta'alaahu
wa salamu alayhi
and whosoever wins goes out with him. Now,
let's talk about this whole concept of being
equatable versus equal treatment.
Allah
says in regards to those who choose to
do so,
the subject of having multiple wives, obviously.
And I know in our society today,
this has a negative connotation, people have actually
lot of, controversy over the meaning of it
and so forth. We can't deny that it's
mentioned in the Quran and and it practice
in the sunnah of the prophet salallahu alaihi
wa sallam. And it's not just an Islamic
thing, it's also actually considered in the the
the old testament,
as well,
and mentioned by about the Ambiya, the prophets
from before. So it's more like a religious
thing
along the line of of the book that
was revealed from heavens.
So here, when the prophet
was given this command or at least given
this permission in the Quran, Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala says, for the people,
And Surat An Nasir, Allah subhanahu wa'ala at
the very beginning,
he said if you if you fear that
you'll be unfair and unjust to the orphan
girls,
then you could you can marry
2, 3 up to 4,
up to 4. And then he says
but if you fear injustice
that you're not gonna be fair to them,
he says,
I heard that from one of the ulema
saying that look, in the Quran,
the command to marry was only to marry
1.
The command to marry was only to marry
1.
But gave the permission to marry multiple ones,
more than 1,
not as a commandment over here.
And, and Allah
says also
And you will not be able to be
fair or at least be completely
in that sense
always create create being being
keeping them equal. What a haras tom even
if you are keen to do that.
And the realm of tafsir, they say this
I refers to what? Which part of the
treatment that is considered here that no matter
how much you try would never be give
them equal treatment in that regard? The inclination
of the heart. No matter how much you
try
So don't make your incarnation extreme
to one that you leave the other one
hanging on there with no with no actual
connection with her. That would be injustice.
If someone has 2 wives, he
said
If a person on the day of judgement
if if a person has 2 wives and
on the day of judgement he would come
and he wasn't fair to them in this
dunya,
his shoulder, one of his sides will be
actually falling,
like he will be falling on one side.
So can you imagine seeing people on the
day of judgment everybody standing straight and somebody
just actually is kind of like falling to
the side?
What's wrong with you? What what happened to
your, the other half?
Well, he wasn't fair to his wife.
So that's very extreme important to to keep
in mind.
Now, what does it mean to have that
equiviral treatment for the wife? So the ulama,
they say, there are certain categories. Number 1,
ataamul,
meaning how you deal with them.
And dealing with them, obviously, it means, you
know, kind of like you're you're, giving them
time,
being there for them available when they need
it and so on. So they're basically kinda
like giving them almost as much as you
can of what they need. Because some of
them, for example, needs more time to listen
to her than other ones. Someone needs, for
example, more physical help around than others. So
try to be equitable in that regard.
The second category is the mfaq,
providing and provision
and that something is measurable, so easy to
calculate.
How much this household needs versus this household?
So as long as you provide for them
equitable amount that they needed for each, you
should be fine
Al Mabeet, like we said, to alternate in
terms of where you spend the night.
Are you allowed to visit, you know, the
other household during the day? Of course. The
prophet used to sometimes go around the all
his households,
during the day. Like in one day he
would visit everybody
but then of course at night he will
spend the night in the house where her
turn would be. And sometimes the wife of
the prophet
they know that he will be sending the
he will be spending the evening in someone's
house, one of those wives, so they all
gather over there.
They all get together and they start chatting,
chitcharing and talking whatever, maybe bekaring
But eventually,
at the end of the of the evening,
kalas, they go back again to, to their
places. There was a moment
in the hadith that Aisha
said that, kind of Rasulullah,
one of those nights they were gathering in
the house of
the prophet
and that night was the night for Aisha.
Like, he's supposed to spend the night with
Aisha.
So naturally, as the prophet was speaking,
he's a very affectionate person. So he's a
touchy feeling person. So
he extended his hand to hold the hand
of Zaynab,
either of Zaynab or Salamah.
So Aisha,
she glanced as she saw that, she goes,
that's Zaynab.
Like, basically,
like, look, it's my night, so
you can't do this. So the prophet put
his hand back
like
he complied.
Meaning, you know what? Fair enough. Yeah. That's
your night. It's alright. So,
again, the idea is that everything has to
be equal.
No. It's not in the matter of being
equal. It's a matter of being equitable
and everybody will be, inshaAllah, satisfied with the
provisions given to them. Also,
in terms of a masknequin,
like providing the house for them or the
shelter,
So like we said, some for example,
has
a higher number of kids for example, they
have 3 kids, 2 kids, 5 kids, whatever.
So naturally, it would require maybe a bigger
space,
which means when you're gonna have to have
a bigger space, that means you're gonna be
probably financially providing what?
Maybe spending more.
So if you say, if you're going to
spend 5,000 over here, does it mean I'm
going to have to spend 5,000 over there?
Not necessarily.
But spending enough
enough, you know, amount
that will be equitable to for the other
person, alhamdulillah, if it had been taken care
of as well, inshallah, tabarakat'ala.
Now, like imam Ibn Qudam
mentioned in terms of travelling, you first of
all give them the option. Do you wanna
come with me? And if they say, no
I don't want to, you're relieved of the
duty. But if they both wanted to come
out and you don't you can't afford taking
both so you're gonna have to alternate the
trips.
So this time we may withdraw lots for
example. And in this case
whoever comes out is theirs and the next
time will be for the other person inshallahootabaraka.
Now, once again regarding the intimacy, that's a
matter of desire.
There is no,
there is no way to control that in
terms of saying number of instances and number
of nights and so on. Now, does it
have to be alternating every night, like every
single night you go to sleep somewhere else.
It depends on the circumstances. What does that
mean?
If the distance between
the households or these wives, for example, is
a driving distance, not that not of a
big deal, then it's easy to say to
alternate every night,
every other night, basically.
But if you say no, it's actually it's
a long drive
or maybe it's even a flight. So in
this case they have to come to an
an agreement that they all agreed to.
Like every week, every month, every other week,
as long as there's a mutual agreement between
the parties over here, then it should be
okay, insha Allahu,
again, and that which is considered
equitable.
Now, is this for everybody? The answer is
no.
Definitely, it's actually it's a it's a practical
solution to a real problem that exists in
other in the society.
So, if that if that need exists, then
definitely they should promotion for this. But whoever
is intending on doing that, they need to
fear Allah
knowing that Allah in the Quran said,
you won't be able to have that kind
of equal feeling towards one towards everyone.
So you need to be careful that you
don't stand on the day of judgment before
Allah
with one side falling because of being unfair
to your spouse. So that's the the the
point I wanted to explain insha Allahu Ta'ala
on number 8. Number 9.
Disciplining the rebellious wife. The
husband is allowed to discipline her and to
obey him. However, he should proceed with this
gradually by admonishing
and warning her first.
Turning his back to her or sleeping separately
without speaking to her. The period of doing
so should not exceed 3 days. If this
does not work, he stays away from her
at night by turning his back to her
or sleeping separately without speaking to her. The
period of doing so should not exceed 3
days. If this does not work, he
which means that he must not make her
bleed or strike her face.
This is one, of course, of course, this
is very, sensitive topics, especially in our time
as well too.
And nushus.
So, first of all, let's define what's concerned
nushus. When it comes to the subject of
nushus, as it has been here mentioned, a
rebellious wife.
The dilemma they define neshuus is obviously if
the lady, for example, she, shows defiance
to the extent that causes, the relationship to
become dysfunctional.
So, in this case,
if that's in regard to the hukuk of
the husband, In regard to the of the
husband and what she owes him.
But what if for example the husband, he
ordered her with things that are not considered
her his wajib on her. For example, if
the husband tells wife to wash his car,
does she have to obey that?
Because of doubting this?
If you tell her I wanted to wash
my car outside,
is that a duty for the wife to
do for her husband? Not necessarily.
If she wants to do it out of
her graciousness, it's a halakhir.
If she knows how to do that, she
wants to do it for him, that's fine.
But if she said no,
does that qualify now
as an Oshus that he's gonna go right
now and and and start, you know, kind
of going through the gradual disciplinary actions against
his wife? The answer is no, of course
not.
But we're talking about what is concerned haqwazoj.
So for example, to take care of the
the the
chores of the house,
in terms of obedience to obey Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala comes to the ibadah and salah,
doing what is his concern, what is Allah
made obligatory upon her towards her husband and
to his household.
If she now defies those rules,
and for example, she's always out,
and when she comes she doesn't do her,
her duty towards her household, for instance, in
this in this regard, does the husband has
the right to say, look, listen, you're not
doing
your job at home right now.
I'm trying my best, I'm helping out, this
and that, but you're not doing your part.
Does he have the right to go right
now and call this conservative neshu? Again, neshu
is when the disobedience and the defiance because
cause the relationship to be dysfunctional,
does it allow the husband to go into
this disciplinary action?
So the answer is is yes by the
mass of the Quran. But why and how
is that?
As for the why,
Islamically speaking, you
know, since the man is and
being
comes with the authority as Allah subhanahu says
which means he is the one who's responsible,
he's the authority of the house. So being
the authority of the house obviously
is responsible to keep the order in the
household. If the if the order now is
being disturbed,
and then in this case you need to
bring it back to order by taking these
disciplinary actions, whether it's from the children or
from the spouse.
Just like the court has the right to
discipline
the the members of the society because their
authority over the society,
so the man is considered the the authority
in the household that's why Akshay is being
given the right to that, disciplinary action in
the household.
Now, so he's the one who is executing
these rules just like the court does it
physically in the society.
However, there's no doubt there are specific rules
for this.
And what does that exactly mean? So, I'm
gonna go over the words of the statement
of the paragraph and then explain it InshaAllah.
So, he says over here,
if the shoes was from the wife
then what does that even mean? That doesn't
mean that the husband or the man can
also be in ashes.
Nushus, again, remember, nushus means rebellion, right? So
rebellious wife. So if he says if the
nushuz was from the wife, does it mean
that the nushuz can be also from the
man?
Can he be also
rebellious
that he's not doing his wife's hookuk, he's
not spending, he's limiting her, restricting for example
her ryani, her rights and he's not being
intimate with her for a very long time
with no apparent reason.
All these kind of Does that mean that
the man becoming right now nashis?
The answer is
yes. It's in the Quran.
The word nashuz was mentioned in the Quran
twice in Surat Al Nisa,
ayah number chapter 4, ayah number 34
in regard to the, neshush of the woman
and ayah number 128
in regard to the neshush of the man.
So the neshush of the woman,
the ad, the very famous ad that everybody
actually calls in that regard as Allah
The man he says
If the lady she fears from her husband
rebellion,
rejection.
There is no harm for them to reach
a settlement.
So Allah has spoke about it, but that's
not what he's speaking about in this paragraph
over here. So he says, says, if we're
talking about the rebellion from the wife,
he has a right to discipline
and justice his his family's household.
This was not mentioned actually in the translation
over here because we use the word
means actually he has the right to allow
to discipline her to obey him.
Here, means
actually he's allowed to take her to court.
He allowed he's allowed to take her to
court
to force her to do her duties for
the household if she wants to see if
she wants to stay in the marriage.
Like, if she wants to stay married to
him
but she doesn't want to take care of
the household at all, she doesn't want to
give him his huku, for example, then why
are you staying then?
But if she wants to stay
but she still refuses to fulfill her duties
towards her husband and her household,
he has a right to take it actually
kohra. Now, obviously that's after he himself first
start with the
discipline actions
on his own first. So, how does that?
He said,
It has to be gradual.
The first thing,
so to give
which means a reminder, admonishment, like the Taqandla,
Imra'a, this is not allowed. Listen, this is
very dangerous for Allah, that's not good for
us. So he speaks about that of course
from that perspective.
So if that didn't work out, then,
then he goes to Al Hajjul. Al Hajjul
means to abandon her bed, boy cutting her
bed. Now the elema they say, in order
for this to be effective obviously, it needs
to be in the same bed.
Like you're you're sleeping on the same bed
but you're turning your back to each other.
Like as if you're kinda like saying look
I know that you're there but it hurts
me to be in this position with you.
I don't wanna be in like this with
you. So that would be it. If that
would if that's not
helping at all, then in this case, is
he allowed to
go to a different room? Possible.
Although that's not what they recommend. However, the
prophet says in the hadith
If you're gonna boycott or if you're gonna
abandon your wife's bed,
stay in the house.
Don't go out to go to hotel or
different place unless of course the situation is
very toxic
to the extent that it might become dangerous.
Kal,
and
if he needs to boycott her and not
talk to her then no more than 3
days 3 nights.
Means you need to come back again, try
to negotiate and talk and see what you
could do after that.
If that wasn't beneficial, he said, that's when
he chastised her or disciplined her physically.
However, they said
that this actually should not
cause any form of injury.
Now, according to Shafi'i's opinion, they say if
the husband,
he,
transgressed
and
he left any marks on her body,
she has a right to sue him actually
for it and ask for compensation.
Can you imagine that?
And, subhanallah, sometimes, you know, that it's the
the the skin is easy to to to,
to show marks. So So this is basically
show that the man was excessive, no matter
what. As for how it how it works,
so the ulama, they put the rules for
what does it mean exactly here. First of
all, let's remember one more time, this is
about his hukuk.
So, if she's becoming defiant to the extent
that Russia Russia become dysfunctional
in in regard to the hukuk and the
rights of the husband and the household.
Not just because,
you know,
he didn't like the meal, for example, or,
I don't like, you know, how you put
this here or put there for instance.
You know what, just move this here, move
this. This is not the reason for people
to, to be like that. Otherwise, they will
be considered actually a violation.
And also in regard to
you only obey in that which is considered
equitable.
So like we said, if it's known for
the wife, for example, to cook for the
husband and she say if he tells her,
could you please, you know, make me a
cup of tea? And she goes, go do
it yourself.
You know, she's busy. That's fine. I understand.
But if this is the case, every time
I just like, wait a minute. What does
that exactly mean? Are you telling me that,
you know what, you don't want to serve
your husband? And that becomes, you know, too
much to ask for and it becomes right
now because of fitna in the household,
then that could become an issue that needs
to be now addressed in the relationship.
Now, the prophet
gave us general rules
and especially
in the last sermon when he was on
the
Araf when he said to the people,
He goes, I advise you, I admonish you
in regard to your women.
They are like captives in your household,
and you have taken them by the name
of Allah
You also you made halal
to you to be intimate with them
through the name of Allah
which is an Ika and the Ijab and
Kabul.
So the prophet
says, you have no authority over them or
actually no way to overpower them, he says,
unless you know that they've done something haram,
they've done something wrong, a violation over here.
He says, if this is the case, Fajrruhun,
try to avoid cut them.
And he says, you need to if you
discipline them, now in a way that does
not leave any harm.
If they obey and they comply,
don't you transgress against that. From this statement
the ulama they say that if
there's a need for that physical discipline,
it should be
It's not a matter of revenge.
It's not a matter of, you know, kind
of like stressing the authority as much as
would that cause her to comply
and amend the affairs of the of the
relationship. And they say, if you know that
this is not gonna be helpful of anything,
it's gonna bring any no good, then not
even try.
Then don't even try.
Imam al
Shafi he said,
If he completely even disregarded that meaning completely
stayed away from physical discipline, that's even better
for me. So if I love that even
more. Why?
He says good men don't do that.
That statement came from the prophet
when some of the Ansari women, they complained
to the prophet
about some men being harsh and they're excessive
in regard to this matter, so the prophet
when he heard that he was surprised.
They do that?
They're not good men.
So, subhanAllah.
So even though the ayah is there So
what does it mean that when the prophet
when Allah says
So does it mean here Because the English
translation of almost every
translation you can find,
the English words are very harsh really and
they have negative connotations with them. So you
find some some translation says beat them. Some
they say strike.
So strike, beat, hit,
all these words come with negative connotation with
them in English. That's why when people read
that in the in the translation it actually
it's
infuriating
which is true.
But, if you read within the context of
the seerah and the sun of the prophet
salallahu alaihi wasallam and the meaning of it,
you understand that it's actually is not as
harsh as people think it is. Because if
it's not gonna cause
the compliance of the household or the or
the spouse, there's no meaning of it to
begin with. So you shouldn't be actually doing
the law.
And as for how it is performed,
it's performed the way the prophet
did it.
It's performed the way the prophet
did it. So, who can tell me how
the prophet did that?
The prophet did that?
How did the prophet did that, Ajima? How
did prophet discipline his wife?
Physically.
Bessiwak? He never did it,
Ajamal. What's wrong with you?
The prophet
never did it even though
this ayah is in the Quran
and this ayah was as the
says it's like
it's permissible to use physical discipline.
But the man who received this commandment
never did that.
Aisha Adelah, she mentioned in the hadith called
He said she said,
The prophet
never did that. He never did that for
a woman,
a slave,
except when he was fighting for the sake
of Allah
like aljadi sabillillah.
So if the prophet
he didn't do it and he said about
men who did that to be not good
men
then it's very obviously to avoid that
as much as possible.
Now some of the alam of tafsir, they
mentioned explanations from other sahaba like ibn Abbas.
So ibn Abbas he said,
You know the toothpick, the siwak?
How hurtful does it gonna be a jama'ah?
Does it cause any physical damage?
Absolutely not.
And even though some of the ulama they
put a condition even that if you're gonna
ever do that
never ever make your elbow go away from
your body.
What does that mean? Meaning, you don't raise
your you don't raise your arm above. Your
elbow shouldn't go up.
It's actually is right
on your body. So how much how how
strong
that strike is going to be anyway?
So then, what's the meaning of this ruling
then? If it's not really,
having any physical effect or anything, so what's
the point of it then? The point of
it is just it's it's a matter of
of,
like, the emotional, the emotional displeasure with one
another in that regard. That's all.
Today,
many many people unfortunately, they say that, look,
the Quran promotes physical
domestic violence because of this ayah.
Now, we have multiple answers to this. The
first thing is that the ayah itself,
it's not even though it comes in an
as a verb,
but the ulama is called as Irshad,
that fair Irshad. This is the Amr Irshad,
Laysa Ijab.
It's not mandatory,
it's not an obligation,
it's just an advice. So it's Irshad, which
means it's just kinda like a reminder
or an allowance.
How do we know that? Because again, the
one who received this, he himself
didn't do it and also he discouraged people
from doing it when he said they're not
good people.
So that's the thing, the first thing. The
second thing,
in itself, the way it was described,
it would never cause any harm physically.
So
that also,
takes it away.
The other thing is in regard to the,
the meaning of of darb over here,
obviously.
Some they try to
interpret that of saying stay away from them
or travel away from them and leave them
alone, but that's not actually what the what
the ayah is.
I know some people they try to be
apologetic about it but that's not what the
ayah is. In Arabic language,
none from the son of the prophet sallallahu
alaihi wasallam.
Now, in regards to reality,
unfortunately,
no matter how much we try to tell
people ittaq Allah, stay away from this, don't
do practice that. If unfortunately, if a man
is going to hurt his spouse, what is
he gonna do? He's gonna hurt his spouse.
Is he doing this because he's Muslim?
Otherwise, how come we have these hundreds of
shelters of battered women in this society over
here? How many Muslim women are there?
So it's not about being Muslim or non
Muslim.
Those who do so, they do it unfortunately
not because, Wallahi, the Quran said so. I
haven't actually met anybody who came to me
if they did that. They would say, well,
it's because the Quran said so. Not yet.
But they would say because she made me
upset or I lost my temper, or this
and that. So they have all their excuses
for it.
That doesn't justify what they've done to be
right because domestic violence is domestic violence.
If someone crossed the boundaries
and and and and hurts,
the the spouse physically beyond the limit that
is mentioned in the Quran, the sun of
the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, and the
interpretation of the ulema,
then that's a violation that the person needs
to be man enough to accept accountability for
their action.
And that would not be acceptable at all.
And according to Imam Shaiyah,
the person actually, then he owes
a compensation that we paid back to his
wife for that for the as a penalty,
basically.
And of course, if it was even way
beyond
what is reasonable in that regard,
actually, the it's on the discretion of the
judge to punish
this man. So in this case, no one
can really come and use this ayah to
say, look, it's a justification of a domestic
violence. Absolutely not. A domestic violence is a
real thing. It's a real issue but again
it's not because these people were doing it,
they're Muslims.
It's just because as the prophet said they're
not good men. So be careful and don't
mix these two things together.
Now,
is there anything else left on this point?
Alright, Bismillah.
By the way, just one last point. I
wanna mention one thing here because even though
it's not mentioned in this, in this, actually,
paragraph,
what if after all of this, unfortunately,
you know, the lady, she she or the
man, or the lady decided, you know what,
I can do your hack for you, I
need out.
And the man insist, no, you're gonna stay
in this relationship.
Okay. I can't. I'm not gonna be able
to to serve you, I'm not gonna be
able to take care of your haqq, I'm
not gonna be able to do this for
you. I'm afraid that if I do this
I'm gonna go to jahannam because of that.
Why don't you go to jahannam? I don't
care.
Okay. Leave me.
Leave me. I'll pay you the muhar back.
I'll give you the khol
leave me. And he insists, no, you're not
gonna leave.
Is that acceptable?
Absolutely not. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in
the Quran
Don't hold them. Don't hold them against their
will in this relation, in the marriage.
As a transgression.
If you do so, then you transgress against
your own self first.
And unfortunately, that Anuj exists.
Some people, some men just wanna keep holding
that woman
against her in the relationship forcefully,
simply because of their ego probably or whatever
other thing they have in their mind.
And,
when the lady,
the wife of Thabit ibn Qaisb bin Shamas,
she came to the prophet
and she said, You Rasulullah
Thabit,
I don't complain about his zaklaq, his deen,
like he's awesome,
If I stay with him, I'm gonna commit
kufr. So the ulama, they said the word
kufr that she used here, one of 2
things, whether I'm gonna do kufr of my
husband which means I would not be able
to fulfill his haqq and his duty
and that's Kufran Al Ashir, you're denying your
husband his right, so
I'll be doomed because of that. Or some
they say I'm gonna lose it, like I'm
gonna
I'm gonna lose my faith, basically.
So either way, the prophet
he didn't force the rish, he said, no,
you're gonna stay with him. What's wrong with
you? That's Thabit. That's the best man I
have in my in my companion rank of
the companions. He didn't say any of these
things.
He called and he says, look, your wife,
she says she's she's not happy, she wants
to leave.
And Saba
unlike any man he kinda like offended,
he said, kaliar Rasulullah, what about the gardener
I gave her? Like I gave her a
handsome
amount of mahar, a full garden, a full
orchard garden.
And the prophet said, would you give it
back to him? She goes, yeah, actually he
can take it back. He goes, okay finish
it.
And that was
it.
Hold him kindly
or leave him kindly. But when some people
they wanna just kinda like Allah Mustan, they're
willing to drag each other into courts,
you know, indefinitely
simply because of their ego, Allah Mustan. Nah.
On sexual etiquette,
it is recommended to commence in Allah's name
Tasmeya.
One should turn away and head off from
the and the couple should be under a
cover without being totally naked.
The husband should begin with foreplay by hugging,
dim, and kissing.
Some scholars found it recommendable to make love
on Fridays.
After climax,
the husband should take it easy and facilitate
her climax as well as it might not
happen as fast as his.
Okay. So some of these actually etiquettes has,
evidence for them in the sunnah of the
prophet such as when a husband and wife,
they're about to be intimate with each other,
it's better to start with Bismillah.
As the prophet
suggested,
make the dua Bismillah Allahu Majinibnash shaitan, wajinibnash
shaitanammarazaktana.
Like saying in the name of Allah,
You Allah Janibnah Shaytan. Like protect us from
the Shaytan.
And protect our offspring,
the result, the fruit of this intercourse
from the shaitan as well too. So that's
a du'a from the prophet salawatulahu alaihi wasallam
that suggested for people before they'd be intimate
with each other. As for turning away from
the qiblah
or to be covered
completely,
there is no,
evidence from the prophet salallahu alaihi wa sallam
to suggest that. Similarly, that they cannot be
now completely,
bare and naked, There is no evidence from
the sunnah of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam to suggest that. As a matter of
fact,
any of these things may be just etiquettes
observed
or at least recommended by the ulama
as as an act of what? Modesty.
As an act of modesty.
Some ulama, they have different opinion in that
regard because if it's halal for you, take
it to the extent to the extent of
it being halal.
Now, probably perhaps
some some might suggest or say, look, they
used to talk about their their culture back
then when they used to live in,
open courtyards and and they had they don't
have the same, you know,
yani,
seals that you have in your doors and
windows and so forth. Perhaps that's why they
will ask people, hey, take extra precaution.
But today, if alhamdulillah, you're,
and you're far away from from the neighbors
and you're in your own private
room and it's inside the house and you
have your doors and windows and so forth.
Now that is up to you. It's mubah
and there's nothing wrong with that.
As for the foreplay, that's also from the
prophet
recommendation, a woman actually came to complain about
her husband.
Kharad Yarasullullah,
my husband doesn't recognize the thigh or the
neck.
What she means by that, he is just
straightforward to intercourse.
He doesn't know anything about foreplay. He doesn't
kiss, he doesn't hug, he doesn't touch, none
none of that stuff. So, the prophet said
like we should actually do so.
As for having intercourse on Friday, obviously,
I don't know why. Let's say, people have
different schedule. Right?
So,
it's it's up it's up to them based
on their convenience.
Why Friday? Is it because it's a virtuous
day? That's just a recommendation, but there is
no obligation to be on Friday.
Ima. Besides, Friday for us is wadism. It's
a working day. Right?
Now,
now, a very important matter the prophet suggested
so that to be fair with your spouse,
that if after intercourse, if the man, for
example, is relieved, don't rush,
which means don't end it, and don't stay
away from your wife until you feel that
she also fulfilled
her desire as well too because they might
not be they might not be active, the
climax might not be at the same point
at the same time. And that's from the
also the sunnah of the prophet salallahu alaihi
wa sallam that he suggested now.
Yes, go ahead.
If the husband wishes to enjoy his wife
during her menses, she must wear a waist
wrapper that covers the area between her flanks
and knees.
He is not allowed to have intercourse with
her during that time and must never enter
the anus.
If a man wishes to make love a
second time, he should wash his private part
and perform ablution.
So this is basically general etiquette the prophet
salallahu alaihi wa sallam suggested,
when one night he was sleeping in bed
with Umminin and
all of a sudden
she slipped out of that bed and she
went and she put
clothes on,
so what which means she was not actually
wearing anything.
So when she puts her clothes on, the
prophet says, anifesti,
did it start your period? She goes, yes,
You Rasool Allah. He goes, okay, take this
off, just wrap your waist with something
and then come over. So basically, he says,
protect yourself from the blood, like putting a
pad or something like this, and then wrap
your waist all the way to the knees,
and which means she's going to be actually
topless, and they said, just come back to
bed. And they will still be cuddling with
each other, skin to skin.
Again, that defies the state that we what
we have seen, what we heard actually right
before about you have to be completely alikana,
you have not completely
uncovered, nam. Now, in regards to
what is permissible,
if Aluqulashay the prophet was asked a question
about what is permissible between a husband and
wife during her
period.
Like you are allowed to enjoy each other,
you know, hugging, kissing and so on except
the actual intercourse.
So, that's completely prohibited.
Also,
and the anus is completely also, completely prohibited
and the prophet even he mentioned, he said
actually,
that's actually curse a person who ever approached
a spouse from behind.
And if a person wants to do it
multiple times in the same night, that's a
part up to their desire and activity, of
course,
the recommendation is to just wash up the
part and then make wudu. Is it mandatory?
No. It's not mandatory.
Do they have to take shower right after
they're done? Not necessary. They can delay it
until later
but until before Fajr Suri Rum Mas Salat
Al Fajr.
One should not shave his hair, clip his
nails, or extract blood in the state of
sexual impurity.
There is no evidence to support that. There's
no evidence to support that. As a matter
of fact, the hadith Abu Rayri radiallahu anhu
al Bukharim Muslim, the prophet
he said,
I believe in is never actually impure which
means
these these acts,
even if you're on junub, you can still
clip your nails or even extract the blood
if needed, whatever that is. Basically, you should
be fine inshallahta'ala.
Now.
With respect to coitus and eruptus, it is
permissible though not recommended.
Which is what we call in Arabic language,
and that is more of like a a
conservative method, meaning trying to avoid,
conception
and pregnancy.
Is it allowed for the man to pull
out before ejaculation? The answer is yes. However,
some ulama they say, you have to take
permission from your spouse first.
Like even from your wife, say, look, listen,
you don't want to be we don't want
to get pregnant right now. You don't want
to have child a child. So let's try,
precautions. So the least you could do is
to pull out and that's called the Azil
and it used to be permissible at the
time of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam. Harijab
radhiallahu an. He,
he said,
we used to practice azel while the Quran
was still being revealed, which means if it
was prohibited,
it would have been mentioned to us in
the Quran. Nam.
The etiquette of having children.
We'll stop there insha Allah for next week.
I think it took longer than we expected
but it was very important to explain all
these points.
I'm gonna read inshallah the hadith in Arabic
again because it's very long, and you're gonna
read it in English inshallah. Okay?
Hadith number 24 from
from
The author of Nahuwala writes, Abu Dhulal al
Hikari radiAllahuwala who narrated from prophet salallahu alaihi
wasalam, among that which he narrated from his
Lord Azza Wajah,
that he said, my slaves I have forbidden
injustice to myself and have forbidden it between
you, so do not wrong each other. My
slaves, all of you are astray except for
whomever I guide, so seek guidance from me.
I will guide you. My slaves, all of
you are hungry except for whomever I feed,
so ask me to feed you, I will
feed you. My slaves, all of you are
naked, except for whomever I clothe, so seek
clothing from me. I will clothe you. My
slaves, truly you do wrong by night and
day, and I forgive wrong actions altogether,
so ask for my forgiveness. I will forgive
you. My slaves, you cannot reach my harm
so that you could harm me, and you
can never attain my benefit so that you
could benefit me. My slaves, even if the
first and and last of you, your human
beings in your gin were according to the
most God fearing heart of any one man
among you, that would not increase anything in
my kingdom. My slaves, even if the first
and and last of you, your human beings
and your gin were according to to the
most wicked heart of any one man,
any one man among you, that would not
decrease anything in my kingdom. My slaves, even
if the first and the and last of
you,
your human beings and your djinn were stand
on one flat piece of land, and they
were to ask me, and I gave each
one of them what what he asked for
that would not decrease what I have except
as a needle does when it has entered
into the sea. My slaves, they are only
your actions which I enumerate for you, then
later I will repay you for them. So
whoever experiences good, then let him praise Allah,
and whoever experiences other than that, then let
him only blame himself.
So, Nam, Arabic a Muslim. So we talked
about the meaning of of injustice. And the
imam Ibn Rajiv he explained 2 meanings of
injustice. Number 1
was that you put things
not in their rightful place, in general. The
second meaning he said that you,
you kind of
like, you you you have control of someone's
possession and act in someone's on someone else's
position without their permission. But that's not what
the
primary meaning of it. The first one is
actually the meaning of injustice over here
and definitely,
it is considered completely haram and Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala, he made haram for himself. So
the opposite to this to Allah
is other attribute. What is the attribute of
Allah that
is opposite to zulum and injustice? What is
Arjama?
Adil.
That he's Adil
not Adil, that he is Adil. So we
spoke about the meaning of it and we're
gonna call right now to page 300
84 Insha'Allah. Point number 2, the prohibition of
injustice.
Now. He's saying, I have forbidden it between
you, so do not wrong each other. It
means that he exalted as he has forbidden
injustice to his slaves and has forbidden them
to be unjust to each other. It is
haram for each single slave to be unjust
to others along with the fact that injustice
in itself is absolutely and qualifiedly
forbidden. What does that what does that even
mean here? He says, look,
injustice in itself is absolutely
haram,
like regardless.
So why would Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in
this hadith policy says, I made it haram
between
you. Like he should have said, I made
haram
altogether. Right? So why would he indicate that
between you?
Even though it's haram altogether, but the fact
that Allah
is highlighting adzum between human beings because of
the how dangerous that is.
And he said he used the word, the
hadith called,
Falah Tawalamu.
Tawalum in the Arabic language,
Allah Allah wasn't tafal. The Arabic verb for
this tafal, which is basically the scale of
tafal,
requires two sides,
like there is it's a dynamic verb, that's
what it means. So, at tafalom
is there's dynamic in dulm. What does that
mean? It means people keep doing dulm against
each other.
The act of injustice is frequent and fortunately
between human beings against each other. So then
he says, even
though injustice is haram altogether,
but exclusively
between you because it is very frequent. That's
what it means. So that's why he highlighted
that as separate activist statement now.
And it is of 2 types, first there
is wrong and oneself What is that thing
that is of 2 types?
The the the 2 types of what?
Dharm where?
Human beings. He goes there are 2 types,
what comes to Dharm of human beings? Number
1? 1st, there is wronging oneself the worst
of which is associating partners with Allah as
Allah exalted as he says in the shirk
at Al Ulmul Alim, associating
others with him is a terrible wrong. So
what does that mean? The first dulm that
you do against others is what?
Your own self.
That's the first wrong.
And the greatest one is to have shirk,
to have actually to create injustice against Allah
Subhanahu wa ta'ala.
The one who associates others with a law
regards that which which is created to be
in the same rank as he who creates
and thus worship and created to be in
the same rank as he who creates and
thus worships it and devotes himself to it.
He puts things in places which are not
their due, most of that which occurs in
Quran of And that's why saying that the
definition of injustice, you put things not where
they belong. Now,
most of that? Most most of that which
occurs in the Quran of threats against wrongdoers.
Refers
to people who associate others with Allah as
as he says,
It is the who are the wrongdoers.
So the greatest injustice
is when you when you give when you
give
lordship,
when you when you make gods besides Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala, that's the greatest injustice. If
he's the creator, he's the maker, he's the
provider, and you attribute all of this something
else.
It's a very clear, of course, obvious injustice
here. That's why Allah says, in the shirk,
it's the greatest
act of injustice. Now.
Then following that in seriousness
are the different types of act of acts
of disobedience,
the major wrong actions and the less wrong
actions? So what he means by that, dulmun
nafs, you wrong yourself, you have that injustice
against yourself. The highest form of injustice to
yourself
is when you attribute to Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala,
attribute actually or associate with Allah's other partners.
That's the greatest injustice to yourself and to
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. Then,
when you disobey Allah Subhanahu with the other
sins, that's another injustice to Allah
here. And also you're wronging yourself with that.
The second one right now. 2nd, there is
a slaves wronging wronging others, and it is
that which is mentioned in this hadith. So
this is what he means by it in
this hadith right now, this part, which is?
The prophet
said in his address during the farewell Hajj,
your blood, your property, and your honor are
sacred to you just as this day of
yours is sacred, in this month of yours,
and in this city of yours. So what,
what day was that when this happened?
This statement, what day was it Ajamal?
Arafa,
right?
Or someone said, Yom Naha, What's the when
he said the month, what was
it? Dhul Hijjah. And what city was that?
Mecca. You cannot find more sacred than this
jamaah.
And he said,
3 things you owed to each
other. Number 1,
So your blood,
your wealth, and your honor, it shouldn't be
protected completely. It's so sacred
just like as this day,
on this
place, on this month.
SubhanAllah. So,
brothers and sisters, be careful coming on the
day of judgement carrying injustice against anybody in
regards to their blood. What does that mean?
You hurt them physically,
whether it's your spouse,
your child, or another human being, that this
happened unjustly.
Unfortunately, in our society today,
people they just do that for fun.
There are even some sports where you slap
each other and just kind of like spit
each other's blood and Allah will stand.
How ridiculous the society is turning into right
now? The second thing qal,
money,
cheating each other,
stealing
or,
subhanallah, causing
financial loss or damage deliberately
for for one another. And the third one,
aladakum, which means actually your honor.
And that of course by slandering them,
or backbiting,
like in their absence or their presence, they
talk about other to be about other people's
subhanahu in a way that is damaging to
them. This is absolutely prohibited, just like the
prophet mentioned here, just like how sacred
this day is,
in this month, in this place. This is
how sacred the bloods and the honors and
the wealth of other people to us. So
the greatest injustice would be in one of
these three areas.
The greatest injustice to between humans
in one of these three areas. Nam.
It is narrated of him that he delivered
this address on the day of and on
the day of sacrifice, and on the second
day of the days of tashriq.
In another version, there is that he then
said, listen to me and you will live.
Do not wrong, do not wrong, do not
wrong. A Muslim a Muslim man's property is
not permitted to you unless he is contented
with it. SubhanAllah.
Like, you cannot take someone's wealth unless it's
actually it's trade, a gift, someone give it
to you, you know, willingly, that's what it
means over here. Don't force someone to give
you some of their property without them being
satisfied with that. No.
There is in the 2 Sahih books from
Ibn Rumah that the prophet salallahu alaihi wa
sallam said wrongdoing will be darknesses will be
darknesses on the day of rising.
He said salallahu alaihi wa sallam in the
the the completion of the hadith
Be careful of the darkness of injustice because
it's gonna be darker on the day of
judgement for you.
And be careful of a shuh.
Now, a shuh was translated in different words,
but the true and the closest meaning of
it is really is
not necessarily stinginess, it also can be your
ego.
Your ego,
it can be actually the one that your
enemy,
It really destroyed and ruined those who are
before you.
Their ego caused them to kill each other
and just gonna betray every sacred thing that
they have.
Obviously, we know when your ego kicks in,
you don't care if it's halal, haram, or
right or wrong. No. That becomes right now
selfish thing. Allah and Musan. No.
There is in both of them that from
from Abu Musa that the prophet
said, Allah will definitely grant grant time to
the wrongdoer
until until when he takes him to task,
he will not escape him. Then he recited,
wakadalika akhdu rupikaida
akhadalqurawahialalima
in akhlahu alimu shadeed,
prophet
said, whoever has done some wrong to his
brother should free himself of it by making
it up
by making it up for him for it
to him because there is no
there before some of his good actions are
taken
are taken are taken from him and given
to his brother, and if he has no
good actions, then some of his brother's wrong
actions will be taken and flung on him.
So what the prophet is saying, telling us
over here is that
look, if you have done any of these
wrongs, whether you have violated someone's wealth,
someone's honor,
someone's blood, for whatever reason, whether you feel
it's justified or not, but if it hasn't
been, of course, sanctioned by the law, then
be careful with that. On the day of
judgment, this person is gonna come and you're
gonna start come doing some reconciliation.
But those reconciliations are not gonna be actually
through
through money and wealth and okay, here's your
money back, I'll give you interest, you know,
over this. It's not gonna work like this
on the day of judgement. It's gonna be
through deeds. And Hadid Nabi
he says,
which is what's mentioned over here.
If there's something between your brother, make sure
that you reconcile
with them before it is too late. So
that on the day of judgement,
there'll be
no If there is some sort of like
a wrongdoing between and your brother or your
sister, make sure that you reconcile with them
before
you die, before the day of judgment. Because
once this happens,
it's gonna be only with your hasanat and
sayyat.
And Haydul Mufless, the prophet
says, at the Durunam al Mufless, do you
know who the bankrupt is? He said, yeah,
he's the one who had no gold, no
silver, no money. Because that's the easy one.
But true mufless Now, this is a paradigm
shift, creating a paradigm shift for the people.
So the prophet said, you know what the
real mufless is?
This is the one who comes on the
day of judgment
like the mountains of the hamma,
like mountain range, amazing unbelievable mountain range
of good deeds that consist of salah, fasting
and and zakan, charity.
However, this person came with lot of liabilities
attached to it.
Hurt in this person, slander in this person,
cursing in this person.
Everybody takes from their hasanat.
When their when his hasanat are all gone,
look the mountains of good deeds are all
gone
and it's not enough yet. It's not enough
to to compensate for everybody else. So they
start taking it from there, say, yeah, their
bad deed and throw on his until this
person is completely doomed.
So the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasalam is warning
us against this. He says if you owe
someone anything in this dunya,
better that you reconcile with them before it
is too late. May Allah
keep us all fair and just
and protect us from being a cause of
any injustice to anyone in this dunya.
So next week, we'll continue from point number
3,
after starting with Sharjah.
after starting with Sharjah.