Gender Interactions

Daood Butt

Channel: Daood Butt

Episode Notes

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Talk on the Islamic perspective on gender interactions in the western society. The talk was delivered at the Kelowna Islamic Centre, BC.

Episode Transcript

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De La salatu salam ala rasulillah.

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Brothers and sisters.

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It is nice to be here. And it's always very interesting to travel to different cities within Canada. As I mentioned, this is my country I'm born here. Yes, my parents come from other countries outside of Canada. They're born there and came to this country. But somehow for me, Canada is huge. And it's vast. And as we see here in the community, it's you know, as some of the brothers are saying, we sometimes have only 100 families, or at the beginning, when he came, there was only 43 families. Right? So somehow now this is a good sign that our numbers are growing, our communities are growing. And from amongst us in Charlotte, Atlanta, we are expanding and reaching out to others. And so it's

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always a pleasure to come to different cities, different areas within within Canada to see how the Muslims are living and reacting and interacting with one another. And the reason why I say reacting is because the reality is amongst the Muslims we react with one another forget about those outside of Islam. Let's talk about within Islam. within our own selves we react to one another Sometimes a person wants something and other doesn't and so there's conflict and between two people or two parties and so on and so forth. And so it must be accountable it's an island he tells us in the wire tell see more, we have the learning engineer for Roku, or guru near Majumdar, here la Come come to

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America and the lF have been Apollo become. Now of course, these verses are with regards to a specific situation that Allah subhanho wa Taala was addressing that the unsought and the hygiene they now became brothers of one another yet prior to Islam, they were enemies to each other. They were enemies to each other. Their cultures were so similar their tribes are so similar, their environment was similar, their nature was similar, their language was similar, a lot of things was very similar, or were similar amongst stuff or between them. But yet at the same time, a must handle it and it reminded them that they should come together and hold on to the rope of Allah subhanho wa

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Taala, which means unity. And before we get into gender interaction, or gender relations, it's important for us to come together in unity. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us now of course, when I say come together in unity, I'm not saying brothers and sisters come together, right? I'm saying brothers and brothers, sisters and sisters, right? And so the prophets on Lombardi, he will send them

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he tells us

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forgotten. So the Prophet sallallahu send them

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unity. Yes.

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We mentioned where testing will be heavily led me I will.

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Also the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam yesterday, he reminds us in a Hadith, very famous

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Should I tell you about something guide you towards something, that if you were to do it, it would unite your hearts, it would bring you together, you would be together united, just like one body. And when one body is together, their strength, and our Muslim communities nowadays need more strength than ever. We could see what's happening around the world. But we see what's happening in our country. Every single morning we wake up. Every morning, you wake up, you open the news, you're having your breakfast or die, you're shy or whatever you want to have your news or jump gems or sweets, whatever it is that you have in the mornings, and you're watching the news, and you're

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realizing so Pamela, every single day, something new is happening.

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And what's even worse is that our leader now is instilling hatred and Islamophobia within our own communities, within our cities, within our provinces within our own continent and country. And so this is something that we now need to learn to deal with. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam reminds us like I said,

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What is it that he wants us to do or advised us to do that will bring us together?

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Spread the sign up, give Sam to one another. And this is really good. What we just did know, it's really good to see that we are introducing each other. And sometimes, you know, you stand in the same role of the scholar and you pray next to each other, maybe daily, maybe weekly. Some might live far from the mustard. They come for Juma. Right. And you stand next to people that you've never asked what your name is before you

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You see them all the time in the mustard. But we just never take the time to ask. And we should start by saying sentiment spreads set up. When you give them to someone, you're not just giving them a statement, conveying a statement from one person and then receiving a statement back. You're asking Allah subhanho wa Taala to send his peace and his blessings upon that person, you are looking out for the safety of that person, you want them to be protected by a loss of count of what to have. And so before you actually even know their name, you're making a deal out of protection upon this person asking a lot to protect them. Because you know, their name might be Mohammed, their name

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might be Walter, their name might be Michael, their name might be Steven, their name might be Osama their name might be Abdullah or Mohammed, or, you know, some other names.

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But you still stand in the same row, you still pray the same way, you still worship the same ummah.

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And so before we even start to divide ourselves in terms of names and cultures, and all that, we come together on the, on the unity, or in unity, under the banner of the shadow,

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under the banner of the shadow. And when it comes to gender relations. Now, we said that unity is important. Before we get into Unity after sorted before we get into gender relations. After we mentioned unity, what's important is for us to focus on building our email. How do we build our email? And what's the purpose of building email?

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When we talk about gender relations, we always pose the question by allowed to talk to he or she? What's the limit? How much can I deal with this person? Can we go and have coffee together or not? Should there be a button between us or not, which is a proper segregation like an actual physical wall, or not.

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And before we discuss this, it's important for us to remember to build our team. Because when you build your email, and you recognize a lot, and you're conscious and aware that a Muslim handle will have to add that is the one that is above and beyond our own knowledge that we see in front of ourselves right now, right now I see the show, I see.

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I see everyone in front of me, and I see a bottle of water and I see a table and I see a phone, and I see my own hands. But Allah Subhana Allah to Allah sees, even the things that we with our eyes don't see. He could tell when there's tension between people, he could tell when you have something in your heart against someone else. He could tell when you have something in your heart for someone else as well. When you're attracted to someone, when there's some sort of chemistry that's happening between two people.

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Allah Subhana Allah, Allah knows it. And when we build that barrier, that barrier of the mind, which is a strength of a man, it places a barrier between us and the person in committing sin.

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Now, initially, when I had prepared this, for this topic, I thought there would be a lot more youth, right? Because I've men told me, there'll be a lot more youth, probably for this topic, right? And have a lot I think we're all youth, regardless of our age, we're all children. We all have a mother and a father, and they always consider us their child, no matter how old we get, right? And so it's important for us to realize that whether we are young, as some of the children, or we are middle aged, like 20 3044, we're more than that. 50 6070 we still will always have desires, we'll always have desires, and when it comes to interaction islamically what is permissible? What are we allowed

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to do? Let me give you a scenario and you tell me how you respond to this. We just finished talking about the setup. The profits on the loan where it told us that the salon when you spread sentiment amongst yourselves, you will build unity, your hearts will come together. So you're walking down the street, or you're what's a shopping mall is or orchards Park. So you're going through Orchard Park, right. I've never seen it. I don't even know if it even exists. So you're going through this mall, and as you're walking through it, you're a brother. Okay, imagine yourself your brother. You're walking through this mall. And in front of you. You see a Muslim sister walking the other way. You

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know, she's a Muslim sister because she's wearing her hijab. She's wearing something that looks like an eye but you can tell by her physical

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Parents This is a Muslim sister.

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Now how do we as Muslims react when we are walking down the street and we see another Muslim brother or sister of the opposite gender? Should we give them or not? Scenario number one is, you're walking down the street, are you walking through the mall, you see her. And as you get closer, you just keep walking with your head down, you all of a sudden became very pious, you're now the molalla and the ship, right? You became very pious. You don't say anything to her, you don't look at her. You pretend as though you never even saw her even though he made eye contact from a distance.

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Scenario number two, you're walking by. And you say,

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I said, Mr. Honey,

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and you continue to walk, you don't stop. You continue to walk.

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And you go about your business. Scenario number three, you're walking through the mall again, you see that same sister, she's coming your way. And as she walking towards you like this, they come

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to you about a capital, right? And you're like, making it sound with your voice that you're somehow interested.

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Right?

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And then we can keep going on and going on and going on with scenarios. You can stop and talk, you can stop and ask How are you? Do you need something? Shall I buy something for you? Right? You're trying to prove that you're the men and so on and so forth? Which scenario ask yourself which scenario are you? Which scenario are we?

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When it comes to spreading set out? Even between brother and sister or sister and brother? Are we spreading center?

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Are we interacting the way that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam encouraged us to interact?

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We said when you give cinnamon to someone, you're sending Peace and blessings upon them. You're asking Allah subhana wa Tada. It says, though, you're raising your hands to a law, and you're asking him to protect this person. And even more. So when we see a sister, we should be making more dough out to a Muslim, Hannah Montana, especially in our times now, when things are changing around us, when our sisters are scared to even wear the hijab? No, there's no scared to walk the streets. They don't know if someone's gonna throw something at them, someone's gonna yell at them, someone's gonna swear at them. And I don't know how it isn't Cologne, I've only been here for a few hours now. But

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Canada itself, we can see that things are changing 100 in love, it doesn't seem so bad here. I come from Montreal, the province of Quebec. It's bad there.

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I've been told, take the leash off of your dog, referring to my wife, who's wearing a hijab. Take the leash off of your dog

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by a lady who's holding her dog in her hand with the leash and the other hand.

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Imagine that she's walking out of a veterinarian.

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And she's telling me take the leash off of your dog. Let her be free. In French, thinking I come from a different country. And then when I say excuse me, she says Go back to your country. We don't need you here in French thinking. I don't know what she's saying. And then I respond in French, the Moroccan brothers. No. I responded French.

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What's going on? She's shocked. She doesn't realize I'm a product of this society.

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Yes, we speak your language. Here you speak English, right? In fact, mostly you speak French. And so we interact with people in the language that they speak as well. We eat the same foods, where human beings we drink the same water, it comes out of our tap just like it comes out of theirs. We go to the same schools and universities and educational institutions, right, we share the same currency. Just because some of us may have come from a different country doesn't mean we continue to use that currency in Canada, we use Canadian dollars, right. And so when you see a Muslim sister walking down the street, it should be even more important for you to send them to this person.

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And vice versa.

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You wish for her protection. You wish for her to be safe. You wish for Allah subhanho wa Taala for the rest of her life to be the guardian on upon this person. But sadly, today we think that Islam tells us we have to have complete barriers between us. Let's take an example of the life of a prophet sent along with

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his mustard.

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Mustard the number we write in the city of Medina.

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Manawa at the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, how was the mustard? The mustard, to be honest, was not much bigger than yours.

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In fact, it's probably the exact same size as your mustard here. So imagine that this is mustard, the nubbly, at the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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in this direction, the direction you're facing.

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The brothers, where do they pray.

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In the front, they start making the rows from the front

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where the sisters make their rows.

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Not from where this middle section starts like the wall, and they start making the rules from the front islamically. The women are supposed to make the rows beginning from the back,

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beginning from the back. So let's just say, to make it easy to understand that a man is standing there and he's praying just like we normally do, just like we just did. And the brothers start here and they make their rows. And hypothetically, let's just say that there's no wall in between us. And so sisters come in and they want to pray. Do they see the brother standing here? And so they start to make their role here?

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No, they don't. They start to make the role there. In the back, the furthest away from the brothers. Do they go and carry a partition and bring a partition and divide them? No, they don't. Why? Because the loss of handle attalla taught us through the son of the Prophet, some love it who ascended that your segregation is the fact that the men are in the front, and the women are in the back. That is your segregation. When brothers walk through, let's just say the sisters are praying in the middle. And brothers come through the door and they see the sisters. And the sisters might be in little court or in the studio. That's a fitna for some brothers. That's a wish given. That's a problem.

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They see this they're like, Oh, I need to go make Google again. Right? This is a problem.

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But if the sisters make the rules from the back, there's heck not in what Allah subhana wa, tada has descended upon us. This is my point. My point is the dean has Hickman in it that we don't understand. And when we start to implement our own ways, then we start to complicate things. Now I'm not saying don't use a partition. Don't get me wrong. And not saying do not put a partition between if you want to great.

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But it should not be something that has made a condition islamically because it isn't.

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Let's use another example. I can show you pictures right now if we had internet connection, we can go online right now and pull up pictures of a mustard in Indonesia.

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In the capital, the biggest mustard

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where the Imam is standing there in the front, and right behind the Imam is actually the roll going out the mustard. There's no one standing next

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to his rate, or the sisters.

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To his left are the brothers. And there's 1000s of them standing in the mustard pray

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1000s

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no men mentally when we tried to use our logic

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and apply it to the deen in ways that go against what the prophet SAW along with some of the products, we create confusion.

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Why do we create confusion? Because now rose in that mustard for example, meat brothers and sisters meat and so they turn that into a walkway. So people want to come and go they can come and go in the middle. Why would you need to come and go in the middle while Salah is taking place? Right? It's because we've confused ourselves. We've complicated our Deen in ways that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did not complicate his Masjid at his time. So Allahu Allah usnm had no partition, no physical barrier. When the companions of the above anglim finished their soul out, they would sit down in their car and the sisters the female companions would leave.

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When they were gone, the male companions would get up and leave. Was there any issue? There was no issue?

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We knew they went into the markets where the markets or the marketplace wasn't restricted to men. Were there signs that said men only there wasn't. It was open to both men and women. We know that Khadija will be longer and that was one of the most one of the most

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blessed we could say business women that she excelled in business. Now. Yes, people are gonna argue Okay, this was before Islam.

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But even after Islam did the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam forbid women from doing the business. Now he didn't

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Right. And so we see that there's different types of gender interaction within our Deen. And they get into these different types now. And

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my point is, who decides who gets to decide when it comes to gender interaction. And it is none other than Allah subhanho wa Taala, who decides, and this goes back to the initial statement that I made, it's important for us to increase in our email, in order to have proper segregation between us. When our email is strong, you can see two individuals have different genders,

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who come together in an area

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and they could do whatever they want with each other.

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They can indulge in whichever sins they enjoy.

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But if they have Eamon as a must have had more to hide and shows us on the Day of Judgment, if these two people fear the punishment of Allah subhana wa tada to the extent as a prophet sallallahu Sallam shows us in the Hadith, so bad to you live in the home alone with the with the young man

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that needs to people can indulge in anything that they want. No one would know, not even the stars in the sky would see them. But yet, they're conscious of a muscle kind of want to have it. And they say, or one of them says in me a harmful law.

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I fear a lot, whether they say it out loud, or they say inside of them is irrelevant. The point is because of their consciousness of a loss of handle Adana, they leave that situation, they come away from that situation. So when we have a man, we protect ourselves from the issue of gender interaction.

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Now, let's talk a little more realistic. Our lives. What are we going through? Some of you going through university, some of you working, some of you are parents, some of you are not parents, right? Some are young adults, some are new couples. Some have young children, some have older children. Right? Some don't have children. So we're of all different ages. When we go to work, or we go to university, how should we interact with the opposite gender?

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That's a question.

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How do we interact with the opposite gender?

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What are the limitations? What are we allowed to do? What are we not allowed to do?

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And whenever you're stuck, and you can't figure out what you should do?

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Ask yourself?

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What did the prophets and alumni that he was send them to?

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And if that doesn't work for you ask yourself, if he sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was here right now, in my situation, where I'm standing, what would he do? We know that he was like, not really lying to me.

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He was sent as a mercy to all of mankind. He was sent to bring the hearts together, he was sent to mend the issues and the problems that people had.

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And so are we doing that? When we see people of the opposite gender, we sometimes tend to take a very harsh stance.

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Right? We take a hard stance, or we take an extremely lenient stance, we go to the opposite ends of the spectrum. We do Hulu, beyond Hulu. We are too lenient, or too severe, too extreme.

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And this is something that we need to try and control. So at universities, for example, we have co ed classes, and no one was telling me about this. So we sit in CO ed classes. Right? And then when it comes to an Islamic event, we have a barrier dividing the brothers and the sisters. Is this permissible? Yes, it's permissible. Is it advisable? Probably it's advisable to have segregation.

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But what type of segregation we now sometimes see that people become offended, or why do you have to put a wall or a curtain between us? Just had the sisters on one side, the brothers on the other side? Right. What's the problem? What's the issue? The issue is brothers and sisters.

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We don't respect each other enough.

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How many of the scholars of the past had female teachers?

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How many of

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scholars of the past had female teachers that we know that are settled the love. And the wives of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa send them they were learned, and women would come to learn from them as well as men. And the wives of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam were commanded to actually have that physical barrier between them, whether it was the niqab, or whether it was a canvas hanging their home behind some sort of curtain, that was something that was that was demanded or commanded upon them.

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And if it is commanded upon all of our women, then we're actually making a statement that the niqab is compulsory for every single woman to wear. That's the extent that we would go if we say that there has to be a physical barrier between men and women. And we know very well that the niqab is not something that is legit. It is not compulsory to use or to wear. So therefore, how do we interact?

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If we have an Islamic gathering, like this, for example, and the door is open? And if the sisters are there,

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and they want to see through? Is there something wrong with that?

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Is there anything wrong with that? Let's take real life situations so we can actually understand.

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Some of us will feel that yes, it's wrong.

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I know growing up coming from the Pakistani, you know, culture, it is wrong, there should be a natural barrier. Right? But then are we a little bit hypocritical sometimes, on the day very eat family comes over and everyone is just sitting together? cousins and sisters and in laws and so on? Why is it that we take such an extreme stance sometimes and not an extreme stance at others? That's because we apply our logic to the D.

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That's because we apply our logic to the dean. And let me give you a simple example.

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When it came to wiping over the sock doing,

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right, when we make a rule, sometimes if you already made Lulu, and you put your sock on while you had Lulu, you can simply just wipe on your sock. Where on your sock Do you wait?

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Do you wipe the top of your sock? Do you wipe the bottom of your sock? Do what the whole part of your sock? Where do you like? Tell me

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to talk Where else?

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Just to talk?

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Why?

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How do you walk on your feet? You walk like this on your feet? Or do you walk like this on their feet?

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When we walk, the bottom of our foot touches the ground, right? The bottom of our foot touches the ground. So why do we have to wait over the top of our sock?

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Why do we do that? Shouldn't we use logic and wipe the bottom of our site? Because that's what's dirty?

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logically it makes sense, right?

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But the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam taught us otherwise. It's not what makes sense to us logically. It's what makes sense to a loss of Hannah mozzarella, with his infinite wisdom and

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that we do what is pleasing to Him.

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And in that is some sort of wisdom hikma that we don't understand. But we do it because it's pleasing to Allah subhanho wa Taala. So using our logic can twist the deen and make things very difficult. Getting back to our example, having the doors open and the sister seen.

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Are the sisters allowed to look at the brothers?

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That was a question.

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Yes.

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You tell me.

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I gave you the scenario. We're sitting here the doors open the sisters want to look in? Are the sisters allowed to look at the brothers? very general question.

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depends on who you know.

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Depends on their intention. Didn't the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam teach us a hadith in a statement that the first look is permissible. And what's the second look?

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The second book is not permissible. The second book is how to write. But what is meant by that?

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Does that mean

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that you come out of the masjid. Your wife is looking for you. She looks up doesn't see you and that's it. She knows how to look up again. Now she has to stand there and wait

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because she looked up once and that's the end of it.

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That look is a book of desire.

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If someone sees you, and they have desire in you, and they like you, they feel that thing in the right. Chemistry. Right? It's like vinegar mixed with baking soda, something happens.

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And so that look of desire. That is the look where you're not allowed to look again. So it's like, you know, we all know this, we're going to be very frank, because that's how I am very frank, because we need to learn. And so you're standing somewhere and you see someone, right? The brothers are studying is a very hot day. And there's a woman walking down the street. And she walks by and you look like, right, that second look, that was a hot on look, because you wanted to look again,

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you didn't need to.

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But it's the sisters are sitting there. They want to learn something.

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Right? They should have higher.

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There's no barrier there.

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The prophets all along it, he will send them, he actually dedicated an entire day to teaching women.

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The women came to him and complain, you're always with the male companions. And you never give us anytime we have questions too. So he asked them which day you want, and gave them a specific day that they wanted to come and learn from him and ask questions, and just be around the Prophet sallallahu it?

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Did he say Wait, first we need to put a barrier. And you sit on the other side of the barrier, right. And then from a distance we will speak, I've been to massage and hamdulillah your mustard is just like this, the brothers are in one side sisters on the other side, and men to some massage and where

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the women's section is so segregated, that if someone was to come inside the lady section, and harm a woman physically abuse her or steal something, the men would be standing there praying and not even know that anything even happened. In fact, they'd be finished their prayer and not even know something happened.

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And they could come hours later and realize there's not a single woman left in there. They all you know got stolen. And then all the husbands are like yes, I was accepted.

00:32:19--> 00:32:41

No, but the point is sometimes our massagin segregates the men and women so much to the extent that if the safety of our women was being jeopardized, we wouldn't even know it. Then I've been to some massages that actually have signs on the outside that says no women allowed.

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No women allowed Really? And then yes, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam teaches us that we should not forbid our women from coming to the masjid.

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But their homes are better for them. Right? Let them know

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who you are.

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Don't forbid them from coming to the mustard if they actually desire to come to the mustard.

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And when they come to the masjid, make them feel welcome. This is the house of Allah subhanho wa Taala not our house. Your rules might apply in your house. This is the house of Allah. Use the rules of Allah subhana wa teranet legislate by the laws of the Muslim handle with Allah when it comes to the masjid.

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And I think we spoke about that enough, and we're going to move on to trauma. But before I do that, the same thing applies if a brother was going to learn from a sister.

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There should be some sort of modesty in their behavior. They have to have higher, right modesty. She should be dressed properly, he should be dressed properly. Today we have this big issue.

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Sisters complained to me more than ever about one thing.

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Brothers wear t shirts that are so short, we can tell the color of their underwear when they go Institute.

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Yeah. And this happens in essays like you know universities, happens when we pray in public places happens when we pray at home sometimes, for the sisters complain we can see their backs when they go in to do

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and don't think the sisters are immune. It's not a good site to start with. But sometimes it might be inviting. And so we need to be careful with this. Now, when it comes to, you know interaction at work,

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there has to be some sort of communication.

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Now we don't shake hands with the with the opposite gender. But we can converse. There's nothing wrong with speaking to someone related to your actual business that you need to speak about.

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So for example, you're in an office job it or engineering, whatever it is, you're sitting there, you know, interacting with the people. And there's a, either a sister or a non Muslim woman that you need to interact with, or vice versa. As a Muslim sister needs to interact with a non Muslim man, you have to use the laws that are last time with Allah permitted and not permitted. So no, you don't jump in a car together and go for lunch.

00:35:29--> 00:36:10

You're not knocking them for one another. But at the same time, if you need to discuss something, you discuss it in an area where it's open, and you speak to each other about the matter that needs to be discussed. When it's over and handed enough. That's it, that's the end of it, you get up and you go, and you make it known in your behavior, not offending the other person. But knowing that I don't want to speak about anything more than what we need to speak about. Right? That's one thing. There's many other things that we can go through, like dating and Islam, romance, religion, there's so many things Canvas dry, this is a big problem as well, for the students on campus who want to

00:36:10--> 00:36:21

give Dawa to others. So you want to tell someone else about Islam? And you're talking to them about the deen? Right? How do you interact with that person? How do you tell them about Islam?

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The non Muslim woman that the brothers are walking up to? She's obviously not going to be dressed that appropriately. Right? Are we allowed to do this? Yes, you're allowed to do it, but look down, control your gaze, right? If you feel there's some chemistry between you get someone else to do it, call someone else be like, you know what, there's this brother, he's gonna he's gonna speak to you. Right and get someone else to clarify for you. And the same thing for the sisters.

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I want to actually touch critical things here.

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But I'm gonna finish up so you can ask questions in Sharla.

00:37:08--> 00:37:19

That's right, we do have a talk tomorrow with youth youth issues, that we can cover that as well. But before we get into anything in shuttle avatar had a very important topic.

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This is actually really relevant in Ontario right now. And it probably is relevant here, just that we haven't been woken up yet to Vancouver.

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The issue in Ontario is that the ministry of the Minister of Education implemented a new or revised version of the sex ed curriculum in schools. To the extent that grade one students are being taught things that most

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parents today would not even know.

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Right? Things that are very detailed, and graphic. And what I wanted to address very quickly with all of us here, is the importance of us as parents teaching this to our children, they should learn it from us before they learn it in the schools. And don't think that you can simply take your children out of

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you know, out of class that teaches them this because when they reach other grades and learn biology, they will be taught it as well.

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So it's a matter of us as parents taking initiative in the education of our children, teaching them about what is permissible, and what is not permissible. So I wanted to highlight that in shadow log data. There's a number of other issues that we can talk about. But of course, time doesn't permit. I'm actually really, really tired today, because it took three flights to get here. So we'll open it up for q&a, because I think questions are very important, especially with regards to this topic.

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I have a question for you. If you don't have a question about gender relations.

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You are at work,

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or on campus, and someone comes up to you this happens more at work. It's a woman with the brothers. And it's a man for the sisters. So for the brothers, this woman comes up to you. And she needs to give you a handshake. Because that's what everyone does at work these days. What do you do?

00:39:28--> 00:39:31

No one thought of asking me that question. So I want you to answer it.

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What do you do? islamically? Are we permitted to shake their hand? Are we permitted to just freely shake the hand of someone else? Now there's discussion on this. Some scholars say and there's a very few amount of scholars that say you know what, if there's no desire involved in its, you know, get a riskier job, then it's okay, but it shouldn't be done. So they just sort of permit it and then just fly over the topic. And get to some

00:40:00--> 00:40:31

Else, but the reality behind the brothers and sisters is not permissible. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us, someone who shakes the hand of someone who's non Muslim for them. It's it. They it says though, you know, we should take our metal rod and just shove it through your head. That's how severe you know, it's an analysis that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam used to show us the severity of it, that it's going to lead you to a problem, you will do it once. And that's it, you will feel that every other time I can do it.

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And I had this discussion with many brothers, right? Especially when we get together have dinner. And some brothers say, you know, and I shake hands and women all the time. And we ask my brother, how, what does your wife think about it?

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How does your wife feel that you're shaking hands with all the other women is if I let her do it?

00:40:52--> 00:40:52

Okay.

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So there's technically no values, there is no values, and the two of them have issues. Because when I asked the Brother, why do you let your wife do it? He's like, because if I let her do it, then she's gonna get upset and not want me to do it. So I said, there you go, you brought yourself back to the initial issue, that you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. Right? So what do you do? Ask yourself, what solutions can you come up with?

00:41:22--> 00:42:01

From a distance? Shake from a distance? Good? He's absolutely right. Some scholars say you shake from a distance, so you don't actually touch their hand. And this is used as a technique gets used, especially if you're in front of like a delegate, or there's some sort of gathering and there's many people around, you know, you tell them, but this again, I don't actually like this opinion, like I don't, I don't encourage it. And I don't follow this opinion of the scholars for various reasons. When you're, for example, in front of a bunch of people, and there's media and everyone, and you know, let's just say there's ministers, and they come, you tell them in advance, listen, I'm not

00:42:01--> 00:42:07

going to shake your hand, but we will pretend to shake hands. So it looks like you know, there's no, no differences between us.

00:42:08--> 00:42:13

Well, someone goes and takes a picture. And it seems as though you're shaking that person's hand, and it goes all over the internet,

00:42:14--> 00:42:15

then what?

00:42:16--> 00:42:25

You're gonna say, Oh, we never actually shook hands, we can say, well look at the picture. seems very clear. The angle was perfect to the spa.

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So what do you do?

00:42:31--> 00:42:31

I think

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I don't believe that there is any, like, in any case, there will be an issue of if I don't shake the hand, something that happened.

00:42:41--> 00:42:42

I don't shake your hand.

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And usually they generally people understand the situation. Good. Good answer. And that's very true. And I was talking to a politician the other day, a Muslim brother was a politician. And he told me, he said,

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he said, as Muslims,

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we feel scared to express our rights as Muslims.

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Because we feel as though we came from a different country or culture is from somewhere else, even though we might be born here. But culture is different. So we feel as though we're outcasts. So we're aliens, even though we're right where we were born.

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And he was telling me that as Muslims, we need to educate the Muslims, not to feel that express your rights, you're allowed to say that just like whether a sham said, You're allowed to tell someone, this an AI, for religious purposes, I can't shake your hand, they will understand immediately. There's a number of other ways you can do it. Right. Sometimes I say, you know, I don't have any cards on me take a business card, they come around to shake your hand, you give them your business card like this with two hands, it's the Malaysian way. You give them a business card with two hands, they take it from you, they're so busy looking at business cards and forget to shake your hand.

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Or you have a bottle of water or something in your hand, right that you're using. Or you can buy one of these braces and pretend like your answer

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is a new one. My hands actually here.

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So there's a number of ways but the best way brothers and sisters is to actually say that my religion doesn't permit me to do this. But I greet you and I hope you have a great day or whatever it is that you integrate, right? Why do we do this? Why do we Why do I recommend that we do this? You're opening that door for that person. You're opening a door to teach them about Islam. You're telling them a simple example of your deen how you have values that I cannot, I can't I can't shake your head. You're not highlighted for me. Right? You're teaching that to them and they become curious. And they will come to you afterwards and ask you, why not. And that's your time to actually

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explain it to them.

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And the other thing

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This is a problem that we face in western countries especially it's regarding the desensitization of our

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due to the rapid

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sort of sexual abuse on the streets and stuff. So we feel that we're becoming desensitized by these things to

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the point where we don't feel anything at all like it doesn't sway us in any way. They're

00:45:35--> 00:45:52

just comments on how we can resolve issue is it isn't possible to go back after this experiencing experiencing living here for years or so the fact that it's like the opposite gender is always in front of you so you become desensitized.

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TV, you know what?