Friday Night Etiquettes Class – March 19, 2021

In LA you have total solder to a thermal tasleem rubbish Shockley suddenly way acidity, Emily determining the Sony of Gabor Kohli, my brothers and my sisters a set and where they come what I'm going to walk you over a cat. I hope that you are all doing well. I hope that you enjoyed your Friday jamara I hope that you are healthy and safe and ask Allah subhana wa tada to bless you with the best of this dunya and the best of the FBI. I mean, just going to try to adjust this without knocking anything over there we go should be fine Charla

so for tonight we're going to continue our etiquettes class we left off last week

talking about or continuing the chapter on the etiquettes of speech. And we asked the last one kind of what data to make us from amongst those who speak nicely, who speak fluently, whose words contain wisdom. And we ask Allah Subhana Allah to Allah to grant us courage and the ability to say what is right and true. And the strength to stay away from saying that which is not true and disliked from Allah subhana wa wa to Allah

or disliked by Allah subhana wa Tad

so we'll jump right into it in sha Allah we have good over 20 families watching now. So that's good.

Love it in the masjid finished 20 minutes ago, so I'm sure a lot of the husbands have reached home. And

hey, you know what I have to say this, the mustard is not only open to the brothers, it is also open to the sisters. So especially you know, in the evenings from other women, I show the sisters that want to come and pray in congregation, feel free to, you know, come to the mustard, the mustard is open for you as well. And I encourage our sisters, you know, it's been a long time it's been over a year for many families since they've come into the masjid.

You know, if there's ever a time that you want to come when there's less people for a congregational prayer, then I encourage you to come for a vote or also if you have the ability to, you know, your husband might be at home throughout the day working

on the weekdays and your children are home because of school. So they're you know, doing their online schooling. And you might think to yourself, hey, let me just jump in the car and head over to the mustard. And press a lot of thought or a lot today, which is now at six o'clock, right?

Or motherly, very sharp. So feel free to do that. Once again, I always encourage you know, the families in particular. And it's one thing that I'm really hoping to see this month of Ramadan, lots of you know, community members who have been away from the mustard for such a long time to be able to come to the masjid and benefit from even praying to God, you know, with with the rest of the community in sha Allah to add. Having said that, of course those who are still taking very serious precautions and encourage all of us to be careful, of course, but I don't have a choice in that I do work from here. So I have to be around the congregation that gym quite often. But if you know if

you're taking those precautions, then make sure that you do

you know, extra a bad or extra IML or, you know, do whatever you can to increase your sense of emotion that you might feel you're missing out on so do some subtle call, for example, right? That's that's one thing that would be good to help you to sort of feel like you're in connection with the community. Once again.

someone saying I was the only one at

the masjid in Mississauga. And Juma today. Alright, so a couple of sisters joined as well. Yeah, some have Allah jamara has been very interesting, especially for those that are in other regions that haven't opened up here. Our registration for sisters pretty much maxes out on every single one of the prayers I think earlier today.

Actually, you're right to meet on not on clubhouse. Totally forgot to livestream it hold on, let me get that going and shut up. But I'll keep talking while I while I get it up and running. Hopefully I can figure it out. And if only my pa was was available, and was able to get this going for me might actually work.

completely forgot about doing this. So open. Alright, let's go. What do we do? All rooms leave quietly. I don't know what I'm supposed to do here. Nothing mentioned. Search room. audio quality. Hi.

All right. All right. I'll just leave it running. If I'm on I'm on if I'm not on I'm not on. It's all good.

So we'll jump right into it today in sha Allah Allah.

We are continuing with a topic that we started backbiting. We started talking about backbiting and slander.

Right and Jemima, so

backbiting, slander, telling tales. And we said that backbiting is to say something about someone else

who is not present.

And

wait a second was open, hold on.

We're getting a lot of feedback here.

I'm just gonna, you know what, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna cancel that for tonight. Sorry. I mean, I just your mic was on for some reason. And that just wasn't, I was getting feedback on this and

I'm

just going to close that inshallah.

So we started talking about backbiting backbiting is to say something about someone who is not in your presence that they would dislike, and what you're saying about them is true, okay.

slander, is to say something about someone who's not in your presence, and they would dislike what you're saying. But what you're saying about them is not even true. Okay. And then we spoke about telling tales, which is to basically spread rumors or say something that you heard someone else, say, or someone else do, and spread it and share it with someone else. You're basically spreading rumors or spreading tales, saying things bad about others, and going and telling other people about that. Okay?

To carry on. With regards to backbiting we said that there are six times where it is permitted to backbite or six times where it's permissible to say something about someone who's not in your presence, and they may dislike it. But it is not considered backbiting. So I don't want to say that backbiting is permissible, but six times that it is permitted to say something about someone else who's not in your presence, that is true. And we'll look at that in shot a lot of data, the first time that it is permitted to do that is

when someone is being oppressed. So if you are being oppressed, and you need to go and seek help or assistance from someone, in a case where it might be yourself as an individual or a family or even an entire nation, you know, where you have the ability to go and to change the the situation of a people or the situation of yourself by going and speaking to someone who has the ability as well, to change that situation for you. So if someone feels that they're being oppressed, let's just say,

you know, a family member

feels as though they are not being treated right or justly. It is not considered backbiting. If you feel that there's oppression being done to you, and you go in, you tell someone else who's able to help you in that situation to get some sort of assistance for you or to help you to get out of that situation. Okay.

So that's the first time. The second time is esteana. Allah to real Mancha. So when you're seeking help to change, something that is going on that isn't right. Similar to the first one, but different slightly, we're talking about eight, oppressor,

oppressing someone. Now we're talking about someone who's doing something wrong. And you're going to seek help from someone in order to be able to assist that person to change the evil or the bad thing that they're doing. And of course, this is not something that should be publicized or made public and say, Hey, you know, I found this brother who's doing this thing, and someone who can help them out, please do help them know, it should be you going to one person, one individual who you know and trust and feel that this person is able and capable and available to help that person to change for the better so that they're able to, you know, let go of the sin that they are committing.

The third time where it is permissible to speak about someone else is

when seeking a ruling on Islamic ruling, for example, in a situation that you are presented with, so for example, you are, let's just say you are a wife, who is in an abusive marriage, and you need to seek help from someone so you're allowed to go and seek help. This kind of falls on

Under this, the first example that we gave, which is oppression, but also now you're going to, for example, a scholar and saying, Is it wrong? Is it How long? Is it? Hello? Is it permissible for me to seek a legal divorce from my husband because of x, y, and Zed that's happening at home? Okay, so you're not

there's there's difference between going to the person who's able to help you in that difficult situation. And then there's another topic that we're talking about here. And that is to seek Islamic advice to see if what what you're doing is actually permissible islamically. So basically, to seek a fatwa

to see if you're permitted to do something, okay. Or if it's permissible for, for example, this topic comes up sometimes in intimacy between spouses, and one of the spouses will come and ask and say, you know, my spouse is interested in doing this, is this permissible, right? And the spouse might be someone that I know, right? Or that the person knows that you ma'am, or the chef or the teacher, whoever they're going and asking in that case is not considered backbiting. That person might say, Hey, you know, what, I'm not fine with with you going and asking this question. But the wife says, or the husband, whoever it is, that came and asked the question says, you know, what, I

was just seeking Islamic advice on this to see whether it is permissible or not, right? Not talking about you talking about the Islamic permissibility of this topic that they're discussing, I hope that makes sense. inshallah.

The fourth time is

to advise the Muslims have some sort of evil,

or to give them advice, like a warning about someone who is calling towards the disobedience of Allah subhana wa to add, okay, I'll use that as an example. And this is a very common time, when many of the students of knowledge will say it is permissible for us to backbite about this person, because this person is spreading evil, this person is spreading bidda or starting some sort of innovations, this person is calling people towards,

towards the displeasure of Allah subhanho wa Taala this person is a sinner and so on. And so, in that case, where you are warning someone or warning the Muslims about a person who is calling towards what is not permissible systemically, that is a time when it is permitted to speak about them. However, you have to keep in mind

that you have to be intending naziha you have to ins intend to be advising the Muslims, right. So your intention shouldn't be that I'm going to destroy that person right or I'm going to ruin that person's reputation by by spreading rumors about them, then that's a time when you are making mistake. So we have to be careful with how we use our tongues and what we say right. So if you are going to share something that is wrong and not true and lies about someone else, in order to debase them, or defame them or bring them down in the sight of of the people, then you are in the wrong but if you are doing it for the betterment of the deen giving people naziha advice, guidance,

more and more advice than guidance because guidance is from Allah Subhana which is giving them the see her then if you are advising them, advise them in something that is true without

letting it get to your ego. So do not let

jealousy get to you To the extent that you feel Oh, I need to warn the Muslims about this person, right? I need to warn my friends about this person, I need to warn my family about this person, right even though it has nothing to do with that person being wrong or unfit for the the the current setting. Let me give you another example. So it makes a little bit more sense to you in a family setting. Let's just say

you are married and you have children, and your parents are still alive. And you have a sibling who is looking to get married. Okay, you have a sister, for example, was looking to get married.

Let's just say you have a brother, okay, you have a brother who's looking to get married. And a friend of yours is proposing to your brother

and you like your friend you know your friend is an awesome person but you're actually a little bit jealous. towards your friend. You feel that your friend is a better person than you. Right speaks more eloquently than you

He's more pretty than you, you know does things better than you, even though that is your own opinion, they may not actually be better, they may not be prettier, they may not be anything better than you. But that's just your opinion. So you feel this person is a threat to me in my family. So I'm going to say bad things about them. That's where it's not permissible, you have to be very careful. Just because someone is

in a position where you feel intimidated by them, doesn't mean you have a right to destroy them, defame them, debase them, and remove them from that position. Okay. So remember, if you're giving advice to the Muslims, or you're giving advice to people to family members, you might say, Oh, I'm giving advice to my brother, she's not a good person for him.

Really, why is it because you're just jealous. If you're jealous, then you're not giving him true advice, you're not genuine in the advice that you're sharing with him. Okay.

The fifth time that it is permissible to speak about someone else is

to,

to hide the identity of the person. Right. So

it's permissible to say something about someone else when you're hiding their identity. So for example, I say, the other day, I ran into a person,

a Muslim, who was drunk, walking down the street,

called me out and said, Amen, come here, and started to say this in that.

In that example, you have no idea what I'm talking about.

Right? If you assume that, you know that you are assuming that's not on my shoulders, but I shouldn't reveal the identity of the person. So if you are speaking about someone, keep their identity hidden from that context. Okay. For example, at Juma there was some issue someone came in and they took their water bottle, and they threw it at the Imam while the hook bow was ongoing. Now you're saying this about something that happened in a congregation, there may be people who know who that person is. So you are taking a huge risk and a huge chance by possibly identifying that person through giving too many details. And therefore you reveal the identity of the person. And that would

be considered backbiting, okay? That would be considered backbiting. So you have to be very careful of the examples that you give, or the things that you say, who you're talking to, and what you're saying to them. It is permissible to say something about someone else, so long as their identity remains unknown. The moment you start to give more hints, like, you know who the person is, you used to live right next to them. They were the person who drove that red sports car. Okay, come on, you said you know, the person they lived right next to you, they drove the red sportscards. Like, yeah, okay, we know exactly who we're talking about. Right? As in, you're giving too many examples of who

this person actually is. And you're like, but I didn't say their name. No, you didn't say their name, but you revealed so much about them, you may have, you may as well have just said their name, okay. So you got to be very careful there to not reveal the identity of the person, or the people that you are speaking to.

or speaking about.

And the sixth time that it is permissible

is when you

when you use a nickname to identify someone, okay.

And that nickname is not a nickname that they would dislike.

And it is not a nickname.

That is tarnishing their image.

Okay,

or using a description that they would dislike. So for example,

when you say something like,

Oh, you know,

that Toll Brother came to my home yesterday, and he dropped off something as a gift that he bought for us at the store. And it's hot on, there's ingredients in it the ton of there's alcohol in it, or there's something there's pork in it, you know, and I was surprised that this brother did that, you know,

really, really shocked that this brother dropped this off, you know, that tall brother.

So

if you say that tall brother, right? If they're not upset with you referring to them as the tall brother, and technically that's not wrong. So we're not talking about backbiting here and I think in the example was not exactly good.

But I just shared with you because I gave a little bit too much details and it kind of goes into saying something about the person that they wouldn't like. So let me give you another example. Oh, that tall brother came to my house yesterday and they dropped off a dozen Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and we were super happy somehow. It was amazing. If that person feels upset, because you said this to someone, you weren't saying something that is bad about them, right? They might just be like, Oh, I wanted my good deeds to remain hidden. Now you didn't say something about them. That was bad, but you also did not describe them in a negative way. But if you said all you know the person who the

person, the person who's always got smelly armpits that everyone avoids at the mustard. They came to my house yesterday and dropped off a dozen Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. See? You said the same thing they came to my house yesterday dropped off a dozen Krispy Kreme Doughnuts was an awesome gift. But you describe them in a way that they disliked that would be considered backbiting. Okay? Oh, the person who everyone avoids in prayer because they always have smelly armpits. That's, that's a bad description of someone. Okay, in Arabic, there's, there's, you know, word specific words that people can use like an

outage, a song, right? You know, the deaf person, you know, if you speaking to about someone, and you're saying, Oh, you know, the brother who's deaf, but you're not saying it in a way that makes them look bad or puts them down, then that's okay. But we have to also consider whether this person's feelings would be hurt. Generally speaking, though, I know in dealing with the the deaf community,

they don't mind identifying as deaf. In fact, that is how they prefer being referred to as deaf. Right? People I was trying to come up with different terms like hard of hearing, you know, the person is the person that No, just deaf, that's it. Right. They are deaf Alhamdulillah except it is from Allah subhana wa Jalla. They have skills that you and I don't have, they know how to how to use sign language we don't, right. So May Allah Subhana, which add and make easy for every single one of us to learn to protect the owner of the Muslim. And

another

six things that we'll discuss are six things to do when someone spreads rumors or tails with you. So someone comes to you and starts to spread rumors and says, Oh, you know, brother, so and so they did, they did it and they start to spread rumors. Okay, so six things that we should do when someone comes in spreads rumors with us, okay, be careful of this person, and be careful of what they are doing. So this the first thing that we look at, from the six things that we should do when someone is spreading rumors with us, is that we do not believe them, because they are committing a sin. So when they come in, they spread a rumor is oh, you know, I heard

I heard sister so and so she was saying something the other day in the shoe area that overheard her saying this surprise that she was saying that, Can you believe that? That's unbelievable. I can't imagine this even happening stuff and a lot of stuff.

When that happens as an example, first thing we said, Don't believe them, because that person is sitting by them coming and telling you Oh, you know, I overheard this. That's a sin. So don't believe them. Because what they're saying to you is a sin don't believe the sin. Leave the sin. Okay. Secondly, advise them to stop and that they are the ones who are in the wrong. So advise the person who's spreading the tail say, Hey, you know what, stop it. You're not supposed to be doing this. I don't believe what you're saying. And what you're saying is a sin. And you shouldn't say this, you should stop and what you're doing is wrong. What you're doing is wrong. Thirdly,

dislike them for the sake of Allah, as in dislike the action of what they're doing. Remember, I always say hate the action, not the person, right? If someone is doing something wrong, hate the action, don't hate the person, right? hate the fact that they are doing something wrong, so hate them in that action. Okay, hope that makes sense. Like

you're not gonna outright hate this person. But you hate the fact that they're coming and doing this right. And why do we why why do we dislike that and I hate is a is a very strong word. So I like to use the word dislike, so dislike them in that action for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah. Why because as believers, those who dislike Allah subhanho wa Taala right, we should display

To the fact that they dislike a loss of hanaway to add someone who says, oh, Allah is and they start to say bad things about Allah. I don't like you for what you're saying about my Lord.

That doesn't mean that I don't like you at all. It might be a sibling of yours you have, you know, love for them you have so enough to run that you have to look after but I dislike you for saying these things, what you're saying right now and, and you as the person who says these things about a lot, I don't like it. And therefore I don't like what you're saying and what you're doing right now. Okay.

Fourthly,

when someone comes and spreads rumors with us,

we should not

think bad about the person who is not present. That is being spoken about. So someone comes and says, Oh, you know, sister, so and so she did this. And I overheard in the masjid, those two sisters, were talking about her, Can you believe that? The person who's being spoken about, right? Don't think bad about that person. Because what you're hearing are rumors from people or a person who likes to spread rumors. Someone whose word is not valid, someone whose statements are most likely lies or assumptions. And therefore, we should not think bad about the person that is being spoken about. Because the information is being shared with us hasn't been verified. Okay.

Number five, not to spy or pry into the life of the person who is being spoken about in order to find out if those rumors are actually true. And this is a very important point, because we live in a time where people go on the internet, and they search through social media accounts, they will look through your Instagram account, they will look through your Twitter accounts and look through your Facebook accounts, they will look at pictures, they will look at statements, they will look at lectures, they will look at all these things to be like, aha, I found it. There it is. This person did this stuff at a wall. Right? I saw them in that picture with a non Muslim stuff through law. I

saw them doing this stuff a lot. I saw that, like all of these things of how to look, we're not supposed to pry. And we don't know the context of what is going on in that picture, or in that post. And so we stay away from

prying or spying into that person's life.

Yeah, and that's true, some have a lot. You know, someone's saying, I feel like people will have nothing to talk about anymore. Because most of what people talk about is other people, whether it's about celebrities, or regular people, etc. Now, remember in that statement, things that people put in the public, right? So if someone posts something publicly and says something publicly or shows something publicly, and remember, we say publicly, not like only with their friends, then that's, that's slightly different in the sense that they made it public. So someone says, I'm a Muslim, but I drink and they have, you know, a bottle of beer in their hand. And then they take a sip of it. And

they're like, Yeah, and I love to get drunk. And they you know, for example, well, yeah, so good luck, may Allah save and protect us all. So if they do that, now, they're doing it publicly saying publicly showing it publicly, however, we need to be careful with two things. First of all, yes, they are putting it out there on social media for everyone to see, and they don't care. Therefore, if that's the case, it is technically permissible to advise others to be careful of that person.

But we should not tarnish that person's

personality, as in, yes, there's a problem with them. But

I'm not one to say that this person is not Muslim, or this and that, and the other about them. The other thing that we have to be careful of is that we live in a time where we can't believe a lot of what comes to us on social media. The pictures we see a lot of them are fake. The videos that are made, a lot of them are highly edited. Sometimes people are not even standing in front of the background. They're actually standing in front of right. Like you'll notice nowadays, okay, I can do this, you know, there's a wall here, you can hear it and so on. But a lot of people are using fake backgrounds. So sometimes you'll see a video or picture that is so edited that you think the person

is there doing that, but they're actually not there. You know, they edit, you know, the guy sitting on the chair with his mittens, right? Remember the guy with the mittens sitting on his chair, right? How many times do we see the guy with his mittens sitting on the chair in different settings and it looks real sometimes.

Right, it looks real. So you would think that this person is there? What if he was never even sitting there himself and someone just made that picture up? Maybe it was a picture of someone else, and they just put his head there.

Right? So you have to be very careful. This is why when you look at it statically

I remember asking someone about this in the past, if

video is presented as evidence in an Islamic court, in an Islamic court,

what weight does that video have.

And I remember a judge telling me that the weight of the video doesn't have more

strength over the word of a person. So if a person says something otherwise, then that video could have been tampered with, it could have been edited, and so on and so forth. So that's just a general thing. Of course, you know, there's legalities in different countries, different laws, different systems that are in place, we ask Allah Subhana Allah to make it easy for every single one of us to be safe and protected from harm and evil. And, and the last thing that you should do when someone comes in spread rumors with you is not to feel pleased by the rumors, or the faults of others, and to refrain from spreading those rumors yourself. So don't feel happy, like Oh, really? Haha. And

they said this and that about me. I shall law, right? No, don't feel happy about it. And don't spread those rumors elsewhere. Like, don't be like, Oh, you know, did you know? And you're like, Well, I'm not supposed to tell you. But did you know and then you start spreading rumors. Now let's have a way to add and make it easy for every single one of us. I mean,

we will take one last. In fact, you know what, we'll stop there. We'll stop there because of the time the questions and then I need to lead a shot, which is at nine o'clock, and I don't want to be late for that. So we'll start here.

I don't have my pin. But I'll try and remember that I stopped here and then we'll pick up from there next class inshallah.

So if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

under law, glad that you've benefited from that topic.

Oh, Amira just asked if I just noticed your message.

And

I didn't get a ping to be honest. But hey, next time. Next time, shut off. Any other questions?

Besides so we can actually see what's going on?

questions here?

Yeah, if you want to set it up and show I don't have any issues with that.

No questions there. Michelle, I thought some of you might have had questions, but I'll leave it open for a second. Let me just grab some water while people type out any other questions they might have.

Good question.

How does such a person who has these habits repent so the slate is wiped clean?

So if we're referring to telling tales, then you make Toba. Okay, you stop the sin, you dislike the sin and you don't back to the sin. Okay. And if you wronged someone, then you should seek their forgiveness as well. Right? Go to them, explain to them you know, I did this and it was wrong and I repented and ask Allah subhana wa tada for forgiveness. Now.

That is one of the conditions of Toba repentance. However, we also have to keep in mind that if we are going to be doing more harm afterwards, then certain things or certain times this might be

or it might be advised to navigate through that differently. Okay.

But yeah, that's in a nutshell generally how to repent from it. So seek forgiveness from Allah Subhana Allah and repent. Ask him,

you know, to forgive you for that.

Is it considered backbiting to speak of a bad leader for instance, or a bad

apparent

in the case of a parent, like we said, if you're seeking help, like, if you're just going to start posting about it online or talking to friends and spreading rumors, and you're not getting help, you're not trying to solve the problem, you're not seeking some solution to the problem, then no, it's not permissible to do that. But it is permissible when you're trying to seek help or resolve the issue by going and speaking to someone who has the ability to help in that case, and

a leader considered bad by many but may not actually be bad.

Well, you know, what, when it comes to leaders of countries, aesthetically, we have a completely different discipline with regards to that whole set of rules, different rulings with regards to dealing with the leader of a country or a nation.

So yeah, we, you know, we can we can criticize for the, for the sake of trying to bring about good, but we should do that in as in a setting where we are able to bring about change. And

someone's asking, I was asking, Are you allowed to back by your parents and let them get your good deeds. So, some of the scholars would say, if I was to back by anybody, I would backbite my parents because at least I know, I'm helping them with my good deeds, but that is still not permissible. Okay, still not permissible. So even though they'd be getting your good deeds, remember, you don't know. You don't know. If on the Day of Judgment, you will have enough deeds for yourself. So try not to give them away even if you're giving them to your parents. Okay? Make sure that you tried to do as many good deeds as possible, and save and protect yourself by not backbiting. Anyone else.

Remember the

it's one thing to say, oh, our parents would be getting the good deeds. But backbiting someone is like eating the flesh off of their dead body. And none of us would want to do that. Even to our parents, right? That would be disrespectful to our parents. And so just like we want them to have good deeds, there are many other ways that we can give our parents good deeds, by being obedient and listening to them, when they ask us to do something that is good and right. We can make do our own for them, we can give sadaqa on their behalf, we can,

you know, make them feel good, make them feel good and feel happy. That is a way to give good deeds to your parents, right? Do the things that they will be pleased with, for if they're they are pleased with you, then Allah subhana wa tada is pleased with you as well as long as you're doing what Allah is pleased with, right? If you do what Allah Subhana Allah is happy with parents will be happy as well. And so there are so many ways to make our parents happy with us, but also to give them good deeds, that does not take away from our own deeds, right? Instead of backbiting. And parents would not want their children to backbite them. They raised their children to feel as though

they are much better than that. And they should know better than that. And they're not children who backed by others, and they refrain from talking about others in that way.

All right.

Okay, I think that's it for the questions. Just Sakuma located on barakallahu li calm. I'll see all of you on Sunday for our essential fifth class. subhanak Allahumma will be Hamed ik national lantern esto funeralcare Veneto Lake Bismillahi Rahmani Raheem will also be in the in Santa Fe, also in the Latina Omen where Amina Swami heard with us or will help the whatever so the saga or some level of cinema with AutoCAD and Vienna mahamadou Asahi wasallam or cinema Alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh