Decision Making the Islamic Way

Bela Khan


Channel: Bela Khan

File Size: 27.88MB

Episode Notes

Decision making from contemporary and Islamic perspective including Istekhara, Shura and tawakal ‘alallah

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Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh so let's begin inshallah, out of Lehmann shaytaan rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim. First of all, it is my pleasure and privilege to be hosting the session tonight Alhamdulillah.

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On behalf of the Islamic online university, I would like to extend a very, very warm welcome to all of you. We really appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedules to join us today for our webinar, decision making the Islamic way.

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We all have come across situations in our lives when we are faced with multiple doubts and confusions and find it really hard to come to a firm decision. We keep wondering how we can take concrete actions and decisions that will help us succeed in matters related to the Lumia and ocra. today to help us out to situations like these We have with us sister Bella

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Vista Bella Han is a certified life coach, speaker and author. She is pursuing a master's in psychology and holds an ample degree in microbiology. Furthermore, She is the founder of Muslim woman empowerment and institute that empowers women to move past their challenges and lead a life of purpose. Sister Bella is a lifelong learner. She has many certifications in the field of leadership, success and human behavior from leading Institute's of the world. Additionally

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additionally, she has completed her bridge Diploma in Islamic studies from the Islamic online university as well as diplomas and are an FCA and had it goes from Pakistan goes from she is her speciality is teaching the concepts of psychology and human behavior in the light of divine principles of Islam. she conducts personal development workshops and training to help people take their lives to the next level and become better versions of themselves. Okay, I've already taken so much of your time. I would request my sister Bella to please take over the mic and begin the session inshallah. Over to you.

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Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh who know module one salatu salam ala Karim Umbra and follow up let him initiate on your Rajin Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim repay shortly so that he will say the MD baslow opposite me rissani of ko Polly probenecid Narottama Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh everyone here we go to all right this begin inshallah decision making the Islamic way. So let's begin by knowing what are we studying and why is it important, right? So this small gration says that sometimes it's the smallest decision that can change your life forever. And I will argue, when I read this court, I remember all the smallest and, you know, seemingly

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meaningless decisions that I made in my life, but they changed my life forever. And I'll start by just sharing a couple of stories from my life. I remember I was 1516 years old, and you know, just another teenager and having no idea absolutely no idea about what religion is, although I've grown up in an Islamic country, but I had no idea what religion was apart from just praying and fasting, right. That's how usually, families are even in Islamic countries. So once I was surfing through television channels, and I came across a channel where a man was standing, and he was explaining the meaning of surah, to law class in a very, very beautiful manner. So I decided to stay on that

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channel, I decided not to change the channel. And that decision, very small decision changed my life, right? My life was no more of the same. And then a few years later, I came across an ad or for personal development program, and there was a solid short description of that program. And I found that really emphatic really appealing to me. Yes, that's what I want to do. I just, you know, that kind of ad. And I really wanted to participate in the program. But when I looked at the cost of the program, you know, how these personal development how expensive these programs are, but when I saw that when I looked at the cost of that program, it made me realize that man, it was too expensive

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for me and I kind of lost hope. But then I decided to write to the organizer organizers and request a discount and Alhamdulillah they offered and they gave me the discount. And then my life took another great turn after joining that program. Right. So decisions and I will literally congratulate you because you made a decision to listen

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To this class and Subhanallah, some of you are telling me that you're from Indonesia, and it's to aim there in Kuala Lumpur and, you know, Subhan Allah, so you're sacrificing your sleep. And it was a great decision. I'm not saying this because it's my class, that's my webinar, but I'm saying this because the information and the content that I'm going to share with you inshallah bitten elaborateness, it is going to, you know, take you five years ahead of those who do not have this information, right. And I'm really grateful to you to, you know, allow yourself to have this information, I'm really grateful to you that you chose to, you know, choose to come to this class,

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despite, you know, this india pakistan match. And some of my sisters were really upset with me that the timings of this webinar are not, right, because, you know, this is happening in some in some parts of the world. Okay, so

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anyway, so decision making, remember, it's an art, it's a skill, that we have to learn that just the way we learn any other skill, like painting or drawing, right. And it's very important to learn to make great decision, why I'm saying that because people who do not learn it, they will have to figure it out on their own. And when they try to figure it out on their own, it is usually done through trial and error. And it might take them years of failed attempts to figure out how to make a strong decision. Right, our life basically is the product of decision we make use, you just think about it, we are making decisions every moment, every single minute, you know,

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when I say that you might have sacrificed to sleep and you might have sacrificed a good TV program, it means that you have decided that this class is more important to you then, you know, than anything else. And that actually differentiated you from, you know, people who are like, let's watch the match, or let's, you know, maybe we can listen to the recording, or we can listen to the session some other time. Similarly, you decided to wake up for fudger, while someone else, you know, they decided to just hit snooze, and they're alone. So you decided to take action, and you decided to do something, while someone else decided to procrastinate. So decision making is the difference between

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all the success and failure of in the world. Because the achievement

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in your career in your life, in general is based upon the decision you're making, right? So good decisions are different from bad Decisions, decisions, just you know, just the way morning is different from night, it is as as important, right. So inshallah, before I move on, I really feel the need of teaching these skills in the school, right, but they do not teach it. So if your parents, I would encourage you to teach these skills to your children, if you are teachers, and I would we can take this presentation from me and teach any in any part of the world, right? teach it to your students so that they become better decision maker. If they choose the right career for

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themselves, it will so Hannah, literally, you know, you see, there are students who are studying things that they don't like, and they do not Excel sometimes somehow they're dragging themselves along the ocean in the flow. And they're, they're not they're not really like and enjoy what they're studying. So if they have these tools to make the right decisions and choose good for themselves, then maybe they can exert in whatever field they choose. Right inshallah. So let's move on. Okay, where are you going? Let's start with this. Little, I don't know how many of you have read Ellison the wind Wonderland. If you have not read it, it's okay. Please don't waste your time. So, it is a

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part in which you know, this

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is a cat and Alice. So Alex, as a cat, would you tell me please? Which way I ought to go from here?

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That depends a good deal, where you want to set the cat, I don't much care where set L is, then it doesn't matter which way you go.

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You know, what does this tell us?

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See, if you have a bigger vision in life, a bigger picture of life. All you have to do is to fit your small vision into that bigger picture. If that fits in, it's fine. If it doesn't fit in, leave it move, move on, just choose something else, right? You need to have that that's the first thing you need to have a vision in life or direction in life. Where are you? You know, taking your life. I usually ask people in my seminars, what do you want you What do you want in life? And they are usually they don't have any answer. And I said, What's your vision? They don't have any answer even if they have the answer. It's very weird. Who do you want to be? I want to be a good person. What is

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a good person? I don't know. Who do you want to marry? I want to marry a good brother I want I want to marry a you know, righteous bias brother. And I say what is the definition of righteous pious brother? Ah, good brother. They don't know. Right? So this is like, you need to I'll give you another example. I initially started microbiology. You would have heard in my

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You know, introduction. At that time, I had no idea of these things, you know, what is the vision? What is mission and you should have a mission oriented life and all these things, I knew nothing about that. But when I discovered these stuffs, you know, you need to have a vision, a bigger picture of life, ask myself, is microbiology, helping me in any way to pursue my vision? And the answer came out, no. So I changed my path and studied Islamic Studies and psychology instead, because that that does fit in the bigger picture. Right? So you need to ask yourself, you need to ask yourself, what is my vision? Right? So let's, let's see it

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in another way. Let's see, maybe I'll give you another example.

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let's say

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let's say My vision is to start and give you the real life example. I cannot make it. So something at this point of time, so I'll give you the real life example. My vision is to start an institute where we teach for ants enough, along with all the personal development stuff, right? This is my vision, it is very clear to me. So every decision I make in life, I asked myself, is it going to help me in achieving that vision? Or is it going to assist me in my mission? every course I opt for every you know, everything that are in this webinar, I asked myself, is it going to help me to achieve my bigger vision? Is it going to help me to help people? If the answer is yes, then most

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likely, I will do that thing. Decision makings become very easy for me. So the first step is know Where are you going? What do you want in your life? Right? Let's move on. inshallah, this is a part that I really enjoy a space rocket. So john kennedy, to Dr. Warner one boy, I don't know how to actually pronounce it, the NASA director of Marshall Space Flight Center. So he says, what would it take to build a rocket that would carry a man to moon and return him safely on earth? Dr. replied, The will to do it.

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Now, what does this teach us? Have you noticed? He didn't say, can we do it? He says, How can we do it? The questions make a great deal of differences difference, right? So when you say, sometimes, you know, we want we want to do a degree or we want to have coaching or something and counseling, and then we say I cannot afford it. So we encourage our clients to say, rather than saying, I cannot afford it, see, how can I afford it? When you ask better questions, you get better answers. Right? If you won't do anything in your life, and the first thing that comes into your mind, because we are surrounded with negativity, and we are just fueled with negativity. So the first thing is that we

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have this negative thought, and then we build on that negative thought. I rather encourage my students to think how can I do it? So you see, he did not say, okay, what's the budget? How are we going these technical things done? he is he is like, how can we do it? Right? Sometimes you you might have come across women, if you're in the field of law, if you call them two hikers, and they're like, No, you know, they have a bunch of excuses. But then there was another woman who has a dozen kids to take care of her husband to pamper and house to manage and everything. He he manages to dinner for an class and the foreign hella cars. What's the difference? The difference is the

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decision, one has decided no matter what, woman no matter what I am going to attend my foreign classes, whether I have to cook at 3am in the night, the other decides to procrastinate, that's the difference, right? So ask yourself better questions when it comes to decision making. Fast versus died?

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If you're dieting to lose weight, or if you're fasting for the sake of Allah bowl, in both cases, what you're actually doing, you have decided not to eat. But what's the difference? You know, if you are, you know, sort of if you're dieting and you see a bunch of friends eating chocolate cake, chances are you might have a bite of it. Right? But if you're fasting, no matter even if the entire world is eating around you would you really would you really take a bite? Or would you take a sip of water, you can answer yourself the shadowboxes dead boxes turned off? So the answer, of course is no. So what's the difference? The difference is decision. One difference decision is for the sake of

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Allah and the other decision is, maybe for this world if natural, you can have better reasons to die. But the decision in dieting is much more powerful than the decision and asking really quickly, there are lots and lots of qualities of a good decision maker, but I'll just touch upon a few because time does not permit me to discuss everything in detail. So qualities of a good decision maker, they have a very strong self image. So if you do not have a strong self image

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if you're sorry about yourself, if you have low self esteem, then the first thing that you need to work on is your self esteem. Have a very powerful

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image of yourself I'm unique Alice mantle has made me unique, I am powerful, right? If you do not have a healthy if you do not have healthy self esteem, then you might rely too much on others to make decisions for you. And that's very harmful because

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if you follow majority on Earth, they might lead you astray. Right and we will discuss euro part later in this presentation, but just I'm just telling you that you would rely too much on the so called experts, you would rely on other people to make decisions for you and the way you can make your own decision no one else can do it for you right. So do not undervalue your Allah given talents do not sell yourself short then you have

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knowing your values, right whatever it is, I'll give you a plain example to make you understand what values are because this is a very long topic right?

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If you are there in a desert right or for that matter anywhere which you know or maybe in a jungle or somewhere and if you have a compass it is it will be very easy for you to find your way you have known your GPS and all these things, but if you are in the middle of a desert and you do not have GPS in your car or if you do not have any compass then it is going to be very difficult for you to find your way home. Similarly, if you know your values right decision making again the width the way you know your purpose, the way you know, you know your vision mission, it assists you in making decision similarly, knowing your values assist you in making great decisions with nella right I am

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to wrote an entire book on how as Muslims you can discover your values because I was really looking for a book that could help me as a Muslim to discover my values and I could not find any books I wrote one myself and you know, it's it's different because my values will be different from your values and there is no you know, one size that fits all, and it's okay to have different values, it's okay to value different things in life.

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But again, this is a long topic, inshallah, if you can grab a copy of my book from my website as well that will really help you in discovering your values and becoming a strong decision makers, but if you cannot afford it, please feel free to drop me an email, I will give it to you for free inshallah. So no strings attached to you, all for the sake of Allah inshallah

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do something worthwhile and important. I kind of touched this in the beginning when he asked you to have a vision. This part is similar, like, right? So you have to see that the decision I'm making, whatever if I want to become a doctor and engineer, I want to marry the sister that says, I want to buy a car if this decision is fitting in the bigger picture, if it's a good fit for my ultimate vision, and have strong bond with Allah. Remember, people who make great decisions are have have a very strong bond with the last panel dollar, make Allah subhanaw taala your best friend, learn to put your trust in Him, strengthen your bond with him. lm just quickly tell you what actually it was

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a way to strengthen your bond because I just do not want to talk in vacuum and just leave you like have a strong bond and help us know how do you actually get closer to Allah The first way to get closer to Allah is offering the fluoride right take care of your fluoride and staying away for her staying away from her and then doing lots and lots of the third step is lots of so Hannah the voluntary acts of erba like charity, pre external are filled with God these are some of the means to get closer to Allah subhanaw taala A

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lot of people don't want to make their own decisions they're too scared It's much easier to be told what to do and remember the leaders are those who do not actually take a man from A to Z they are the people who take decisions and the followers actually are they're the best of people they are listen they are ready to listen and obey to the commands and as Muslims we want to be in the frontline right we do not want to be

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not or not of course in all the capacity but in some capacity, we want to lead from the front inshallah.

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So decision making let's come to the

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Subhanallah the formal process of decision making the Islamic strategy so we have to first one is our intellectual approach second is shuda third is the Hata and fourth is takle.

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Intellectual approach and this doesn't step in you seek help from yourself. Oh no, actually you you seek help from the intelligence that alas Ponte Allah has bestowed upon you right. Let me quickly walk you through the steps inshallah. So this is weighing the options listing the desired results listing the undesirable outcomes, assessing the importance of results, prioritizing and reaching a conclusion

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I'll discuss something that I had been struggling with and pass. And you can choose anything that you are struggling with, right, you don't have to follow this example. But naturally, I had to have an example. You can maybe you're struggling with your managers, or your career or your studies or anything you're struggling with your job, your maybe the car you want to buy, or you want to move to some other place, or you want to send your children abroad or anything that you are struggling it, please, you know, customize this entire process according to whatever struggle you are going through. So I'll give you the example of my daughter's schooling. So my daughter is nearly four now

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weighing the options, so what options do I have? Sometimes, you know, we get overwhelmed with the options we have, but it's okay to have too many options. Because when you go through this entire process, you will you will be able to, you know, shorten your list, you list will, you know, your list will be shortened to a good extent inshallah. So what options did I have, I had conventional school system, I had Islamic schools, I had homeschool and I had the option of unschool. So unschool was very scary for me. So I just, you know, I did not even want to consider it, I just cut it off right away. So now we I was just left with three options.

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The second process is listing the desired results, what do I want? What am I trying to get? Right? So just the in the cat and Alice story, we learned that you need to know where you're going, you need to keep the end in your mind. Otherwise, you can end up anywhere, right? So you don't want that. So what do I want when it comes to my daughter's schooling again, you can customize it as per your situation if for example, if you want to marry a brother or a sister You can say maybe he should be praying five times a day or and he should be you know, fasting and he should be giving power and whatever you want. You can customize it according to your situation or job or you want to

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move to a new place you can say maybe this place needs to have a Slavic school or this place to leave this place needs to have a good Muslim community in a Masjid whatever the desired results are for you, I hope this clear inshallah. So

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what do I want, I wanted that she comes out of the school filled with the love of Alliance messenger. That's that was my top priority. sallallahu alayhi wasallam. I wanted to I wanted her to graduate at a young age, I did not want her to study her whole life. So I wanted to graduate I wanted her to graduate early, early admission in an Islamic University and have a strong henikoff pious Muslim friends. So a man is known by the company keeps in profits allows alum, he also encouraged us to have good company. That's why I am very concerned about the people she hangs out with and she will hang out in future. And I also want her to become an eloquent speaker, because

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that will be needed for our purpose, right?

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missing the undesirable outcome. So sometimes we know what we want. And we don't know what we do not want this step is very important. Because sometimes this steps gives you more clarity than the previous steps. So you also need to list down that what are the things that you are avoiding? So maybe, if you want to if you're thinking about moving to a new place, you would say that okay, I don't want to displace to sell alcohol openly. Or, you know, maybe

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any other thing like that, right? So what I did not want, I did not want her to have tracking acleda right.

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I just want her to have a sound if needed, because that's that's the basis of our religion, I did not want work overload for her and for myself, and I did not want her to have bad company. Now assessing the importance of results now. Now, I have a bunch of list. And I don't know which one is more important to me. So now I will just use again my wisdom I sagacity my god given intelligence to find out

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which one of these are is this motion pointing to me and which are the points that I can somewhat compromise on? Right? So for example, come out of school filled with the love of alignment, His Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that was uncompromisable 10 on a scale of one to 10 I will give it 10 right.

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Am I audible?

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binaca can you anyone from the organizers can let me know. Yeah, yes, I can hear you. Okay. Okay, I just read a comment and I just got concerned. That was uncompromisable for me. Graduated at the age of 13 years that was also very important because naturally I don't want her to spend the rest of her life studying.

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easily get admission in an Islamic University of force that's also very important.

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And have a strong Holocaust, pious Muslim friends again, that

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Is uncompromisable why because

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your friends actually guide you. Right

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miroir Isla de Nicola Lee that a man is on the dean's office frame. So this is again very important. I became an eloquent speaker. Yes, this is an important but somewhat It's okay, right? This is just needed for this. Okay? Then what what

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the next step is prioritization, I will put all the things and my desired results in the options available right. Now I'm going to put all the these five, six desired results into conventional school system. I'm going to put it in, you know, Islamic school and then I'm going to put it into homeschooling and see which one works the best. Now conventional school system, you know, the kind of schools we have around

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come out of the school filled with the love of a lioness messenger. very unlikely and no offense, please, but we're very unlikely the kind of school system that we have that religion is the last thing the imminent Islamic

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Islamic countries, they just have one Islamic study spirit and philosophy. Graduate at the age of 30. No, they will make you graduate at the age of maybe 2324. That's that's way too long man. Especially for men. I believe that's way too long at this time they should be able to support a family easily get in an Islamic University again.

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What law who

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have a strong Holocaust pious Muslim friends again, very unlikely. Become an eloquent speaker. Yes, you might become an eloquent speaker more than it is needed maybe. And cracking up later there are 100% of chances of accidental cracking, Nikita are not knowing about data at all. And work overload for me. No, maybe they can teach the stuff themselves and they will not be much work overload for me.

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Sonic school

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a sonic school come out of the school filled with the love of aligners messenger is very likely graduated at the age of 20. Not very likely because I don't know of much Islamic school which are focusing on you know, helping children to graduate early. easily get admission in an Islamic University is most likely Holocaust. pious Muslim friends again, most likely eloquent speaker, I'm not sure. Cracking aqeedah Yes, very, very the chances of that and work overload for me, too. That was Islamic schooling then came from the homeschooling from out of the school or out of the home filled with the level for lions messenger Yes, 100%. Because that's what I'm going to be focusing on

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in the first place before anything else. Graduated at the age of 13 years, most likely, because that's how I'm going to design her curriculum. easily get admission in an Islamic University. Will Allahu Allah have a strong Holocaust? pious Muslim friend? No, most probably no, because,

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you know,

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homeschooling kids are normally raised in somewhat in isolation, they do not get to hang out as much with their friends are as much the children of their age as other children, right? becoming a lukewarm speaker, again, I'm not sure if I'd be able to inculcate this in her or not cracking a Gita 0% chances Not at all, and work overload for me, then it's going to be a lot. unschooling, as I said, I just said, this is how you assess the result, right? So you can put any example and you know, work out this way. So conclusion, now I'm going to write inclusion for all these things.

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Based on the numbers, the values on a scale of one to 10, whatever what values that I have assigned to them, so might not be very hectic for me, but doesn't deliver what I'm looking for at all conventional school system that is out of out of out of my list. homeschooling might deliver what I want, but will be very hectic for me, because I lack the experience and she has she did not get a good

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Islamic school delivers what I want and looks like the best option. So if I ever come across a good Islamic school, I will send my daughter to that school but at the moment I'm homeschooling right? So that's how you use your intellectual approach. Can we turn on the chat for a while and see if people are following me?

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Sister Veronica, is it possible to turn on the on the chat for a while and journaling now? I would request not to do this and you because that's impossible. Write it down this entire process writing is mandatory etc. can we can we turn on the chat? Is it doable from my side?

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I have switched on the chat people. Okay.

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Okay, so following.

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Okay, lovely Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah. Okay, so good so far.

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The name of my book is no no die values, no that self.

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So journaling, very important for you to write everything down and to not do these things in your head because that's

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is not possible you can never reach a you know

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I have to go fast I don't have any other option

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Yes, you have to jot it down right because you know, writing has some some sort of power associated with that just come to think of it Allah subhanaw taala swears by a column in Quran so there is something there's something very magical with writing right when you write it down when you put all your thoughts on a paper you are able to read it yourself. And trust me whenever I have tried to do all these things in my head it has backfired in a very bad way. But Subhanallah when you when you really do it, when you write it down it becomes so very easy. Right so journaling is going to really help you rather than you know, doing all these things in your head and just messing up with your

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neurons. Okay, I hope you will take a pen and paper while you're doing this inshallah what happened

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oh, I don't get stuck. Okay. Gun helaas you have so for example, I have reached a conclusion that I might try homeschooling right because despite Islamic school looks like the best option that the where I live I there's no Islamic School of that type available. So next step, I'm going to do Shura Shura is seeking experts advice right seek the opinion of a knowledgeable person, any expert, any mentor regarding this, right. So last month also says in Quran if you do not know then go ask someone who knows. Right? Ask the people. And the last one that also says in Quran regarding surah and those whose affair is determined by consultation among themselves, right who do shooter who take

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someone else's suggestions. And now I really want you to focus see profit center awesome. It's as soon as you do shooter. Yeah, he did the advice from Solomon Farsi radi Allahu Allah, Allah. And he also sought Shura from different companions at different times. Right, so that is a sinner way remember promiseland rs, and if you did not need anyone's advice, he was getting getting revelations directly from Allah, Allah, he did not need to ask someone let me know if I should have a, you know, trench or not.

00:32:23--> 00:33:08

I just believe that he did this to set an example for us. Right, there are lots and lots of lessons nationally hidden in Santa. So I'll add a tangent here, that this the prophetic way, there's another issues. So not sure, it also gives us a leadership lesson, right that when you are in leadership position, then it is very important for you to consult your you know, people, your followers as well because that actually gives them a sense of importance that actually, you know, sort of increases their self esteem. And this also makes them love you more right? Because you are taking their suggestions and that's why you know, companions out of millions of reasons and countless reasons

00:33:08--> 00:33:12

that companions last prophet that was one of the reasons that he consulted them.

00:33:13--> 00:33:58

And the the the lessons that we actually get from this is that taking advice so now that's the first thing then second thing is that seeking experts advice is important. Someone who is experienced so salamander de la de la No, he was experienced the the people of Medina, they had absolutely no idea of what a trenches, right, how do you how do you dig it? So, but the others, it's just a process allows them to get advice from those who knew. So, again, take my example for my daughter's homeschooling, I will go to a sister who is religious plus, who has some older kids and was doing homeschooling so can you check your mic? I think it's open I can hear something.

00:34:01--> 00:34:02


00:34:04--> 00:34:06

Next slide, please. Let me see what's there.

00:34:09--> 00:34:53

Okay, in Islam majority is not authority. When I say that you have to go to an expert for the advice, then remember, you don't have to go to everyone because Allah, Allah says, and Quran will enter their act that a man will already you DeLuca in civilian law, that if you follow the majority who are on earth, and they are going to lead you astray, they're going to mislead you from the wheel Follow me on a loved one, that they do not follow anything but assumptions. Were in home in law, yada, yada yada soon and they are not doing anything but they are falsifying, right. So you have to go to someone who is expert and remember, not everyone is exploiting everything. Right? Some people

00:34:53--> 00:34:59

would be expert in telling you which car to buy. Naturally. You wouldn't want to go to an amount to ask which car should I buy? right now.

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But for religious issues, you would go to an expert for, you know, happiness and bliss in marriage, you would go to somebody who is having a blissful marriage. Right? Can we have the next slide, please? So everybody is so I would recommend that for people who are experts in their field, and especially those who are spiritually focused, they have got consciousness, so they will not go and you know, there will just secret you know, what, Shem, you know, brother Sadek. He's going to buy a car, no, you should keep it to himself. Story of sistex very quickly, I had this client, he was worried and she was looking to get married. And her parents were divorced. Right, they were non

00:35:38--> 00:36:07

Muslims, they were divorced. And they were constantly bombarding her with the, you know, suggestions and advices they should, she should hang out with someone. So now she, the parents are constantly bombarding her with the advice that you should hang out with the person. And you should see for one year if it's if he's a good suit, a good match for you or not. So, so now she's, you know, the parents are constantly again, advising her. So what I told her is that, you know,

00:36:08--> 00:36:42

you should never seek advice from the people who are failure in that particular field. Right. So if my parents are not practicing Muslim, I would never go to them to seek help or advice on any religious matter, no matter how much I love them that has nothing to do with my love. Right and not seek their opinion, I will seek opening up an expert if I'm looking to get married, I will go to somebody who is you know, if my parents are not religious enough, they'll say, Okay, stop doing hijab stop doing nipah we're going to get a good person. But that's not what I want. Right? Again, prophets and ocimum, discuss the

00:36:44--> 00:37:20

plan of battle of Wahhabism companions that we knew in Islam. And they said, No, we are going to, you know, fight near or hurt. And all these things a prophet in Islam actually didn't want to, but they fought outside Medina. And you know, whatever happened in the battle. So right, it was a big sad setback for Muslim. So that's one less mantra told the Prophet that you will follow whatever they say they are going to lead you as train. So remember, whatever situation you're going through, according to that situation, choose the person. Right, do not give it not everybody's worth taking advice from. All right. Can we have the next slide please?

00:37:27--> 00:37:28

All right.

00:37:29--> 00:37:40

It's, it is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong. Next slide, please.

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All right, it's taharah This is my super favorite step is the harder is to ask for help. Right, that's the literal meaning of slaughter. Now, before I move on, you have to keep in mind that there are two different opinions that we get from our lemma when it comes to this step, right. One loop of LMS is to say that, you know, when you you have reached a conclusion, then performance taharah because the do our office taharah it doesn't speak about choosing one option. But it just talks about speaking allows has been whatever you have decided So for example, if you want to do homeschooling you must region confusion before the step Shura should help you to reach a conclusion

00:38:25--> 00:39:09

and then use taharah and you know, sort of mughlai to a less montello to ask if that's good for me or not. Then there's another group of LMR scholars they say that when you are left fitzy a couple of options one or two options homeschooling mom excluding this brother dad brother this car that car moving to you know States or Canada, then you should perform a Sahara right should I do this or that? So, these these are the two group of our lemmas and your opinion both are reliable and both are both groups are you know reliable, so inshallah you can take whichever sound better to you. I have given you both the opinions and inshallah whatever makes more sense to you. You can go for

00:39:09--> 00:39:13

that. Right. It's the Hara. Let's come to this. It literally needs to see where inshallah can we have the next slide.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,

00:39:18--> 00:39:20

and share this video I'll just read it out if

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so narrated by jabber bin Abdullah. He says the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to teach us the way of doing this the Hara in all matters. As he taught us the suitors of Quran he said, If any one of you thinks of doing any job, he should offer to Raka prayer other than the compulsory, compulsory prayer and say the dwad at this time in July, you can see in your screen I'll quickly read the Dalai Lama, Iniesta De Luca bareilly. Mecca was talking to Luca poetica. was a locum in political lobbying for inequitably What are they? What are they? What are the kandalama who you Allahumma, Dynamo and Ahmed

00:40:00--> 00:40:37

And then you have to put your need in the case of how they're angry. Why do LiFi Dini lamarsh? You activated me? Why GTM leave agilely he felt their holy, we're slowly somatically fee. When cantarella mana huddle, I'm sure. Again, you have to put you need shared, we'll leave it in your mind, Schumacher, MD. md, D, for riff who I knew he was with me and who worked there in El hierarchy to Ghana, tomorrow they may be or they are slightly different versions of the DA found in his book, inshallah, you can have a look at it, can we have the next slide, please, I'll quickly read the translation for you.

00:40:41--> 00:41:23

So Oh Allah, I seek that which is good from you, by means of your knowledge. So this is super beautiful, do I if you can memorize it? Well, it does going to save you the trouble of pulling out the book from your pocket every time this is this is super awesome. And I see the ability to do what I have to do by means of your power. Imagine when you are saying I have to do it with you with the help of your power, how awesome that that job is going to be. And I asked what your job is from you, you read these things, because you have the power and I don't have the power. And you know everything, and I do not know everything. And you have the knowledge of unseen or Allah, if not your

00:41:23--> 00:42:06

knowledge, this action, which I intend to do whatever you have to put the name of that in action is better for my religion and my faith, for my family and dead and for here in this world, and the hereafter, then make a destiny for me, and make it easy for me, then add blessings in it for me all law, in your knowledge, if the section is bad for me bad for my religion and faith, my life and that is that for my hear in this world, and the hereafter, then turn it away from me and turn me away from it. And whatever is better for me, or doing that for me, and then make me satisfied with it. So this is such a comprehensive, beautiful law. Give me what is good for good for me take away

00:42:06--> 00:42:33

something if it is bad for me. And then when you give me this new things make me satisfied with it. This is so very important make me satisfied with it. Because a lot of times we want to marry a brother or a sister. And we somehow do not get it and we just lose hope and the entire world has you know come into our world crushes right before our eyes and things happens when you read this law. Allah tala puts a sort of satisfaction Sakina in your heart, right.

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I just can spend the entire night talking about this. I love it so much. So again, I would I would highly encourage you to memorize this law because you know, you don't have the book all the time and but you do need to make a Sahara all the time. So the question is when you actually make a Sahara and again you actually do Sahara. Some people think that is the hottest years for marriage matters right? Nothing else. That's not true Sahara is for every matter that you want to see clarity and you know, then of course there are matters for which there is no Sahara. So when you do not do Sahara in the matter of for if you don't you know you just don't go and it will lose the Harada or for myself

00:43:11--> 00:43:52

or not. No, you have to offer yourself I know it's the hot end for right again, no esta hora when it comes to preventing yourself from heroin. Should I work in a bank or not? Should I drink alcohol or not? No no Sahar and these matters these are haram you don't have to do it. Right? We when we actually do suffer personally when I am making big decisions in life, I follow this formal way of doing this the hora right or the formal way is you know, you offer to an affair and apart from the first pair in the not in the forbidden side. After that praise a loss and blessing on profits or loss and I will recite the office taharah This is the formal way the informal way and when you're

00:43:52--> 00:43:55

making small decisions, you know, standing

00:43:56--> 00:44:16

you know you know, maybe no shop and deciding you should buy this headscarf or not. You know you just are you just can do it you know adding pepper and the new recipe or nada you can do it for anything by the new handbag or not just outside the door and it will help in Charlotte has helped me a great deal. I keep resetting this all the time and whatever decisions I'm taking right, next slide please.

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So that is you know Sahara is just like that is my Ll skip this slide. Let's let's move on to the next slide. We are lagging behind dang

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This is okay so exercise is just like a muscle. When you exercise your muscles become more stronger similarly the more is the harder you will do. The more clarity you will gain and the more confident you become in making decision and some people are like once or twice, they have made some eisah Hazara doesn't work for me, well it will not work for you if you are not, you know actually putting in an effort to it just says Do it again and again so that inshallah you become confident and then letting go this is again, very important part I just did the highlighter part because I did not have enough time. I lost one

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lesson for that. But perhaps you hate a thing, and it is good for you. And perhaps you love a thing that is bad for you. And Allah knows while you know not. So after you have made us the hora and you have reached a conclusion, that's when something is not good for you. We want you to marry a sister and this was not good for you. And so she was a, she was a, you know, she was not a good fit. Let it go. Don't just take it to heart. Don't let your whole world come crumbling right in front of your eyes. If you let go, you're actually opening your hands for something better. If you do not let go. Just like clenching your fists. You are not the last one. The last thing I want to give you

00:45:35--> 00:46:11

something better. You're like, No, no, no, I want that. I want to stick to my decision when it is bad for me. Right? No, open your hands for something better and let it go. So unless you can replace it with something better. And trust me, every time I have let something go. Allah has given me something better, something better. Always. Always I can say this with full confidence. And finally, let's have the next slide. So sure, we don't have much time and I'll just wind it up. And finally, as the hora takes debacle, a lot of the Oracle and whenever you know I have come across a lot of people talking about decision making decision making. Why do I don't know why do they forget this

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part? Right? Alas quantizes says in Quran fabula I met him in a la de la Linda and this is to say Maya Lin Tella, Houma La Quinta Fabiana valleydale lB landford lumen Holic for iPhone home, but Stockton along with their home Phil among them de de Vaca La La so this is the part five the agenda for the vocal Allah then whenever you have decided and put your reliance on Allah in the law, you will not have a kidney that if you have put your alliance in love you have said Allah, Allah, I have burned all my ships and now I just count on you to guide me. And last month Allah can never misguide you never ever. And that that's the whole gist of this entire presentation. Learn to put your trust

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in Allah and Allah will guide you in sha Allah in this last slide.

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I hope this was beneficial and

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inshallah can never progress in any area of your life without making decisions so decide now we will

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hand over the mic to your sister banker.

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Just love her I hope it was beneficial.

00:47:19--> 00:47:30

Indeed, it was an amazing session system a lot with a lot of practical examples, example okay. I hope this session was beneficial to all of you as well inshallah.

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Okay, so now we open to questions. I request all the guests to please type in their questions in the chat box. Please know that we won't be taking any fake related questions. The westerns will be answered on first come first serve basis inshallah. So, type out your questions and keep them ready, what is your advice for the girls who wish to gain confidence and self image there are again Sweden,

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you you can read the books and you can attend the courses for self image self for these Subhanallah these are meant for increasing the self esteem and all these things, but I'll quickly share two tips with you these are the ultimate self boosting confidence self boosting and confidence boosting tips. First thing know your vision know what you want to do in life and second thing take small steps daily to add something to that vision right. So, for example, you want to become a die very lucquin die die. So, to set small goals for yourself, you will maybe you cannot stand on stage on the first day and give power to the entire world maybe you can start by giving power to your neighbor right.

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So, this you know this little thing will build up and inshallah you'd be able to

00:48:48--> 00:48:55

increase your and boost your self esteem inshallah. So, do we have to make the officer every day even though

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so, why would you make you you can you have to make it in certain when you are making certain decisions right. So, you have to make this trial when you are taking any decision in the life and every day we are constantly taking decisions right and the process of an issue now having a difficult problem to solve Can I miss thought Yes, you can miss the hurdle for sure. There are again, if you are in confusion, some of the RMR says you can make you know a decision in a confused state while some say that you have to reach a conclusion so inshallah whatever sounds

00:49:30--> 00:49:59

better you inshallah you can go ahead for that. Is there a best timing for praying is the harder This is a fair question. Can we propose to lead us in worship? Again, fifth question. I'm sorry, even if I do know the answer, I will answer because as Pinilla I'm not an authority on fake How can you have your book on decision making? inshallah I'm in the process of writing this book. Once I have finished writing this book. I will share it with everyone in Sharla. How can one decide whether to choose one job out of few variables

00:50:00--> 00:50:15

Then each job is outside and takes me away from my parents again. So sister Asia mean or British mean, you have to list down how important it is for you to do a job and how important it is for you to live with your parents. Right?

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They when you ever when you you know list down all these things and assign a value to that and results to the results that you're desiring is also why all these if you go through this process, inshallah is going to help you a lot. And eventually at the end of the day, remember to put you to work on a life you know, staying with your parents is more important if they are if they are old. And remember Prophet sallallahu Sallam also instructed companion to stay home not to go on Jihad because the parents were as they were either old or they were in. So remember Ally's Raja, he can get buress anywhere so you have to see what is your foot? If it's a part of your effort to take care

00:50:56--> 00:51:26

of your parents then again, you are smart to decide for yourself. When do we let go of decisions we made where there's a line between patience and letting go he shouldn't you know, again, this is subjective This is different for everyone. So you see that you know, maybe wanted to marry a sister and she got married to someone else. So now naturally, you don't have to be patient anymore. You have to let it go. Right so this is subjective it's different for everyone. What if I'm still unclear about what to do after a priest harsh degree? Yes, please.

00:51:27--> 00:51:33

sohara should definitely lead to you lead to a decision in Shell as a way of doing you suffer from Quran

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the Sahara comes from authentic hadith I'm not I don't know No, it's not an Quran

00:51:41--> 00:51:57

What is the name of the book? Has that dimension which book know your values? No way. Do you know their values? Know thyself that's maybe I mentioned make a video presentation inshallah the organizers can shed light on this can you list the steps for decision making they are listed

00:51:59--> 00:52:16

My question is how to combine my life studies. This is off the topic sister. But that's doable family studying in Islamic Studies. Nothing is impossible if you have made the decision. There are a lot of people doing it and when I'm doing it so alas one that has given you a lot of potential and you can do it all if you have the will to do it.

00:52:21--> 00:52:21

I had

00:52:25--> 00:52:44

a very caught me problem for kids education but I have to work so stick Can you rephrase your question? I couldn't understand that you want to teach your kids and your study you're working that's what the problem is? How to Stop asking for the recipe a friend who is sometimes not an expert, please don't ask them this the best way not to ask them.

00:52:49--> 00:52:49

I'm sorry.

00:52:50--> 00:52:54

The steps are listed inshallah, you can listen to the recording,

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and make decision and when I see it's not happening and let it go. Quit smoking, but every time I think about it, it feeds it's helping me to lower my income. Now, brother, see, there are some things that you need. If they're organic, then you need to go to experts, right you have to see a doctor you have to see some Muslim physical or some specialist to help you quit smoking. I would say this is a decision. But you know, again, speaking from a therapist point of view,

00:53:26--> 00:53:52

just giving off and giving up on quit or quitting smoking cold turkey can lead to other problems as well. So you have to go to someone who is expert in the matter who can you know, gradually help you to quit smoking rather than just making a decision one day, it might help but physically speaking, they can backfire. So inshallah following this decision making steps and seeking help from Allah, in everything, you also need to consult an expert.

00:53:54--> 00:54:01

Sisters, Anna, I got your question, inshallah I you have these steps listed in the

00:54:02--> 00:54:21

presentation, what books do you recommend for decision making? So I have a question according to your presentation, why should we make intellectual approach first, instead of taking a religious approach, your intellectual approach is also a religious approach to using your wisdom your God given talents, right? And why is it important because you have to know yourself, what do you want rather than,

00:54:22--> 00:54:54

you know, going to someone to seek Shura and you don't know what you actually want? Right? So I should know that I want to work in this part of the world or that part of the world and then I should go and ask someone that you know, whether I should go there, here, or what makes more sense to me. Right, if I had not taken the intellectual approach, I wouldn't ever know that conventional schooling and homeschooling and unschooling are not an option for me. Right. So first, you have to know yourself that what do you want and then you can go ahead and take Shura and religious considerations.

00:54:56--> 00:54:59

Jackalope Heron was a beautiful article and Shall I wrote all entrepreneurs will make use of it.

00:55:00--> 00:55:01

In Europe, pacemakers offer me

00:55:04--> 00:55:09

Now my question is that with regard to Sahara Do you expect to Fiorentino for questions please and the use of doing

00:55:13--> 00:55:15

should you wait for an answer for us to Hello should you?

00:55:21--> 00:55:30

The name of pine book is I have told earlier know thy values Know thyself. How can we be sure of our decisions without feeling regret after making a decision?

00:55:31--> 00:55:40

And that's what the last part of this presentation was after, when you have made a decision that put your trust in Allah, rest is his job.

00:55:43--> 00:55:46

Mine is not connecting well Can anyone tell me

00:55:49--> 00:56:04

no Sahara for hunting if a person has only one choice of doing job and dying to get better and better for his interdependence, what should he do? So who who decided that that brother just has one option? You know, I always say that

00:56:05--> 00:56:21

if Allah Allah is letting you you know, earn your respect through haram means in this world and if you want to switch to halal means and if you want to be obedient to Allah, why would it Allah help you?

00:56:22--> 00:57:06

right if he is giving you risk and if you have opted for haram means and you are getting risk for haram from haram means and if you want to switch to halal means and be obedient to Allah instead of being disobedient. Allah help you Why wouldn't I give you this? So that this is where we need to put our trust in Allah more right we are so scared of giving up on our jobs that oh my god if I if I leave this job, my dependents are going to die No, they will not unless that also right and then again you have this entire decision making process to take decision inshallah again I can again go on and on on this you can there are so many ways to earn your risk right? You The world is not going

00:57:06--> 00:57:11

on crisis food crisis on anything like that you can you have so many ways to respond Charla

00:57:12--> 00:57:20

how do we teach our children to get used to with Islamic decision making in their affairs? You can teach this entire presentation for them How do we know and if we made the wrong decision?

00:57:22--> 00:57:42

Why do you want to make a wrong decision in the first place? Can I join BM for the war Can you can join even if you are 155 right? We are open we welcome you we really honor your decision of you know equipping yourself with knowledge at this age sister Natasha. We would love to have you in the bachelors in

00:57:43--> 00:57:54

our bridge that is BMI SS bridge. Yes. inshallah. I know my students were in when they were 65 or nearly 70 so I'm very happy with this age group Alhamdulillah

00:57:57--> 00:57:59

do we have to do is to call ourselves ohmic No.

00:58:00--> 00:58:06

Sahara is a very personal thing again you don't want to answer this question was yes you have to do Sahara yourself

00:58:07--> 00:58:19

if you want to have want to have a copy of my book you have to email me I'm sorry. It will be very hard for me to remember all these email addresses sometimes you make a decision within a short time because of time pressure and great regret what device Do you

00:58:21--> 00:58:28

insert again you know there are some decisions that you have to make on spot right. So for example, you want to buy this thing or not

00:58:30--> 00:58:45

small decision right? So these are the decisions which are rather not that you know life do not I have the lifelong effect or something so that's that's where you can recite the dine Shall I want to know if it's fine to do Sahara? Do I have to

00:58:46--> 00:58:52

know you have to follow the procedure? It has to be another knuffle prayer.

00:58:54--> 00:59:05

Are you homeschooling? I am homeschooling and I love homeschooling. I don't want to hand over my daughter to the system inshallah when she grows up she's going to join Islamic online university apart from that and homeschooling

00:59:07--> 00:59:11

doesn't mean you can't avoid being overtaken by regret that's why it is you know

00:59:13--> 00:59:24

that's what that's the last part actually talked about regret when you have made the decision. Halas give it to a lot leave it on Allah. Right. That that's the difficult part is very important.

00:59:25--> 00:59:59

I think I have almost when we get the recording this I don't know. I think I've addressed more or less all the questions right. Hmm, that's it. Sasha binaca Camila Ferran casita if this was beneficial for you PS need to offer me remember anything good in this presentation was from Allah alone, I take no credit whatsoever. And if there was anything wrong, that was either from myself or from shaytaan Mela, forgive me for this. And to Sakamoto Helen cathedra for attending this webinar. That means a lot to me. So panicle Omar, we are going to show the Elijah Hill antenna software according to Bill x and Amari Cooper Rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh.

01:00:01--> 01:00:17

Just Sokoloff as a survey law that was truly truly inspiring. With this we come to an end to today's webinar. I would like to thank you very very much for your active participation. I hope and pray that you enjoyed and benefited immensely from the session.

01:00:18--> 01:00:30

We will meet again next month with a new topic inshallah. Till then Salaam alikum warahmatu Allahi wa barakato. Oberto, Oberto, Oberto