Marriage Corner

Alaa Elsayed


Channel: Alaa Elsayed

File Size: 10.69MB

Episode Notes

Share Page

Transcript ©

AI generated text may display inaccurate or offensive information that doesn’t represent Muslim Central's views. No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.

00:00:15--> 00:00:21

Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah salam aleikum, wa rahmatullah wa barakato. My dear brothers and sisters in Islam,

00:00:22--> 00:00:27

and welcome to the marriage workshop. My name is Ella elsayed. I'm the director of

00:00:29--> 00:00:30

what am i director of?

00:00:31--> 00:00:33

Public Relations. I got it, don't worry.

00:00:34--> 00:00:45

Like, no, you can't take it. Public Relations for mercy mission. I'm also a co author instructor. I'm the Director of Public Affairs or religious affairs for the Islamic center of Canada.

00:00:46--> 00:01:24

Having to lead that beautiful place May Allah bless you ally. I'm very impressed to the people especially very kind, very hospitable. May Allah bless you all Charla and thank you for sharing the time with us with marriage workshop, and certainly would love to help you with that. Because this forced labor of allies, a firm believer of the family values for life. This is very close and dear to my heart. When I talk about a family, it's like something that I'm committed to do it, I have just as the last one used me, for example, I asked him to help me to help others to be able to go through this beautiful journey together and challah in this life and the year after. So in the few

00:01:24--> 00:02:09

minutes that we have with you, I'm going to give you some tools. And I'll pick up from where we left off from that lecture. Because I couldn't go into details, but we'll go into details now. And the reason for it. The only reason I actually talked about this is this is the number one reason for us to prevent miseries later. My style is a proactive approach. I look at the root cause analysis, right I don't go into putting out the fires, I look into preventative measures. So we talked about something very special and it started with the in the lecture. It says number one right for your children and believe it or not, it is number one reason to divert or to stay away or meet some

00:02:09--> 00:02:35

future problems. So you don't live the rest of your life making excuses on the decision you made marry this guy or marry this girl. Or you don't want this guy to lie. You know what I'm having a miserable life. I'm just gonna take it and you know, either whatever and move on bite the bullet. It doesn't have to be this way. So I'm here to tell you but before I go there who is not married yet? Raise your hand if you're not married yet. Masha Allah Allah.

00:02:40--> 00:02:41


00:02:42--> 00:03:00

Replace your niveles handler I am happy actually. I am pleased to see that you're doing something about it. Well, I can tell you I'm impressed that you've done something about it. That's number one. Number two, I tell you the reason I tell the brothers and sisters please learn Please do your homework before you make the decision and I'll give you the tools inshallah. Don't worry

00:03:02--> 00:03:28

but the most important thing is that your some people live in denial right? They don't want to admit a marriage easy no problem. Me you they're like me like you love love your kids baby. Yo, dude Come let's go a lot more like yeah, Allah Subhana Allah much more than that much more than that. That's why we didn't get it two full days for this Sharla will go into much more details next weekend. Luckily. Now when it comes to being single

00:03:30--> 00:03:41

now, you know, I wish I wish that I could just say you know what? The number one the number one over there number three number 344 is that

00:03:42--> 00:04:05

I do great. I got 20 off the markets. I wish it was that easy. Well lucky. And I can tell you my wife and I we do the same thing in Canada. The sisters talk to my wife and the brothers talk to me and we have a file we work on we do our do our do our best to actually do like a huddle matchmaking thing. You know, boyfriend girlfriend like meeting clipboard, right there's engagements.

00:04:06--> 00:04:20

So we do our best to look up because really is one of my goals to get the brothers off the street and I mean that and I get the sisters being protected. That's it. And I'll tell you the reason why because brevik Mohammed Salaam Salaam says when you get married you protect how much of you d

00:04:21--> 00:04:36

half of you d Allahu Akbar that's a lot and I'll explain to you why the Prophet Mohammed Salim say, when you get married, you protect yourself you protect half UD because the scholars say in a really in the Hadith that it says

00:04:37--> 00:04:45

if you if you protect or you control, what is between your jobs and what's between your legs, I guarantee you agenda.

00:04:47--> 00:04:50

So the scholar says, half of that is what your your, your,

00:04:52--> 00:04:58

your chastity so if you control and you prevent that from happening, you protect yourself from doing that harm.

00:05:00--> 00:05:04

masala does not speak of his whims and desires belongs

00:05:05--> 00:05:15

to one hour in Hawaii. And I have to tell you, I am extremely pleased to see more brothers and seven. But I heard earlier on there were like 100 sisters, seven brothers.

00:05:18--> 00:05:28

I need some more brothers. Because I tell you even I don't mean to talk about politics. But even if every brother marries horses there's we're still be short.

00:05:29--> 00:06:12

Seven into 100 still 10 you still be short? So it's a it's a bad thing, right? So there's 114114 no good one one. Yes, one four. No. I know. It's very sensitive topic, man. However, we'll do our best to give you the tools in order for you to be able to look for that. You better have again, protect half of your deen according to Prophet Mohammed Salim. If you protect what's between your jaws meaning your tongue, what you say, and between your legs, meaning your private parts chastity, I guarantee you haven't as meaning that you will just take over the Hellfire and go to heaven as Have you been lucky enough to travel. So there is that serious

00:06:13--> 00:06:24

law has made us to see if you can get married and you're not married. You're either an idiot or a facet. Meaning disobedience right?

00:06:25--> 00:06:46

Meaning the the the seed comes out of a shell that lets go pursue something comes out Hello. So hello john pietila meanie came out of the obedience of Allah meaning disobedience. So my brothers and sisters if you have what it takes get married if you have what it takes. So let's start with that right yeah Marshall Shut up.

00:06:47--> 00:06:48

Minnesota I'm in Canada

00:06:53--> 00:07:21

meaning of the translation Yeah, Masha Shabbat Prophet Mohammed Salah was talking to men at this point, or young men or youth of the oma okay. He was saying says if you're capable if you have the ability if you have what it takes to get married, failure desire, which I'll have to explain failure. So watch this one word what it means if you if you learn about Arabic or you speak Arabic, you understand this? If not, we'll explain inshallah.

00:07:23--> 00:07:23

That one word,

00:07:24--> 00:07:26

let's take one word one letter at a time.

00:07:28--> 00:07:28

It's called

00:07:30--> 00:07:37

fetta mean experience right away rush in. When you study, they will tell you right away.

00:07:42--> 00:07:48

Right away. I mean, our laws will prevent you this will give you victory. We'll do this fair.

00:07:49--> 00:08:04

That Jackie Robinson says if he ever takes don't wait. No procrastination. What you're not married man. When I see Mrs. Right. Well, yeah, you know what Mrs. Wright doesn't exist? Because in your brain, like I told you before you have this long list of things.

00:08:06--> 00:08:11

You know, what are you waiting for? I'm waiting for Mr. Wright. Well, Mr. Wright is now Mr. Left, because he's left out in the thing.

00:08:12--> 00:08:18

Because you found this book this all these hindrance rates. I need to have this type of wedding I need to have this type of a hall this type of

00:08:19--> 00:08:23

this, my cousin is that I need to have this ring. I need to have this blah, blah, blah.

00:08:25--> 00:09:03

Where do you want me to get this thing? Where's the shopping list? Where can I get this online? Where do you mean? Well, it is very difficult. So we don't want to fall in that trap. And I will talk again, we'll talk about these things in details. I'm just trying to give you hitters again, something to trigger something in your mind to change, we need to change. We cannot be coming here learn something and do nothing about it as we talked about. That's what we're all about knowledge and action. So you cannot leave this room with the same mentality that you came in here. Even though it's very difficult. I'll tell you why it's difficult, because culture is very heavy. But what

00:09:03--> 00:09:17

happens now? We put culture before religion, right? We say no, no, what will people think? That's one of my pet peeves, by the way. Because in the beginning where we called what's what are you?

00:09:18--> 00:09:45

What do you call yourself? Muslim first, I'm a Muslim. So I submit my will to God Almighty. Yes, I love my people. I love my tradition. I love my this. But my tradition could be Islam. My people are Muslims. My culture is that my habit is Islam. My whole body my whole world my whole life is white and I submit my work to god that's what Islam is about. So when you hear call Allah

00:09:46--> 00:09:48

when Allah said something in the Quran, Prophet Mohammed

00:09:49--> 00:09:59

is no no, I listen to my tribesmen or my nationalism thingy or my whatever Subhana Allah were the priorities What happened? So that's when we lose, right when you put

00:10:00--> 00:10:07

Culture, religious religion background, and we take the religion we take the religion put on a shelf and the culture is no no, it's up here first.

00:10:08--> 00:10:20

However, please understand that Islam honors culture takes off. We actually take tradition. But when could anybody tell me when we accept tradition and culture?

00:10:22--> 00:10:28

One does not fit. Where is that candy? The Candy you know I had that candy somewhere or like,

00:10:29--> 00:10:43

but don't worry. And of course we'll have candies because I make make sure that brothers actually have candy and sisters have Kenyan children. And we'll have competition by the way, we'll have fun. My My style is let's make learning fun. Okay, so we can have fun while we're learning but the goal is to learn.

00:10:44--> 00:11:35

So, the scholar says mallam you hard if necessary if necessary. We take the oath, we take tradition, as long as it does not contradict a clear verse and Hadith that is authentic problems. Welcome to the earth. Welcome to the edition, no problems. Islam does not deny that. But what gets us backward is we actually put tradition first, then religion. Second, we lose. Because Allah made it easy for us. And we did. We are we we refuse to make it easier ourselves. We want to make it difficult. We want to make sure that you know what we are have the best fantasy wedding ceremony, I will not marry unless this guy has 123 the danger of metal Allah says you will you be if you commit or the other

00:11:35--> 00:11:48

will do something wrong. You will be held accountable in front of Allah subhanaw taala that you refuse the brother that came in, he may not look like George Clooney. You know, I help him do something

00:11:49--> 00:11:50

to do some manga look something new.

00:11:52--> 00:11:53

So what happens

00:11:55--> 00:12:34

is you will be held accountable if you refuse a brother that is has the minimum requirement. You understand. He has what it takes according to plan and sooner, like we talked about, he has what it takes, but you're waiting for that guy, that fantasy that lives in your dreams. If you if you're the guy that comes in has what it takes you will be held accountable just Monday. So I'm telling you this is not to scare you, but what Amanda Amanda, it says that we have to share knowledge that we have to share with you because this sliver was entrusted with that I have to relay that message. Now he will talk to you inshallah and problem solve again continuances failures which if you have what

00:12:34--> 00:12:37

it takes mentally, physically, financially and so on.

00:12:38--> 00:12:39


00:12:40--> 00:12:45

Why was it did remind me what is circled fetta mean what

00:12:46--> 00:12:50

a rush query expedient lamb

00:12:51--> 00:13:04

after the fact comes lamb, lamb, if it goes into variable Dada present tense, if the lamb what goes into it to feed the proverb, well, when the lamb comes into the, the the verb

00:13:05--> 00:13:09

it means request and a command. So allows

00:13:11--> 00:13:13

us to look at something in the Quran.

00:13:14--> 00:13:21

When I am in Kumasi when the signals amongst you and righteous

00:13:22--> 00:13:28

Prophet Mohammed was given us a criterias so lamb command right away

00:13:29--> 00:13:35

so this Allah Subhana Allah is telling us something is general Baba Muslim gives us specifics.

00:13:37--> 00:13:49

So saw the heat, you know, that's gotta say if you don't marry this righteous, you have just went against the command of Allah mentioned. You don't marry the righteous, you have just gone against the commendable law.

00:13:51--> 00:13:52

Amazing, isn't it?

00:13:53--> 00:14:00

Now, the criteria is let's now take the criterias and how to make it easy and so on. It's coming.

00:14:01--> 00:14:19

We talked about four things okay. And I talk to you first inshallah, we talked about four things. Could you please remind me, what do you look for in a brother? There I said two things in the Quran. Two things in this window. Could you please remind me? What are the two things sisters? One strong going? Brothers? Can you tell me what does that mean?

00:14:21--> 00:14:22

What does it mean strong? What?

00:14:23--> 00:14:42

strong of a man believe stronger Eman beliefs, okay. In order for you to get the man. What do you have to do? How do you acquire demand and what kind of demand is there? And that's a long topic. I won't go there too much. But just quickly, imagine using the product well because

00:14:43--> 00:14:56

your demand increases with doing that righteous deeds and the demand decreases. We're doing the disabilities. So if you want to get better, you have to go lower your gaze you have to protect your chastity you have to be with the righteous company. I know the brothers always says they know what men are. He says

00:14:58--> 00:14:59

the first novel

00:15:00--> 00:15:02

First Look, the site is for you. So

00:15:08--> 00:15:10

you don't want to see something like this upon the lights

00:15:11--> 00:15:12

we're looking for

00:15:15--> 00:15:22

beautiful creation of a workbench. You see the humans in the sisters in humanity walk in downtown KL when you go whoa

00:15:24--> 00:15:26

nice very nice 3624 36

00:15:29--> 00:15:35

my knees are shaking because she doesn't eat bacon. My heart is aching I gotta have some chicken. What?

00:15:37--> 00:15:38

Where's that whatever

00:15:40--> 00:15:50

it is we're talking about. So first, please remember that strong as an EMA and of course others so you gotta work on that. That's what you look for.

00:15:51--> 00:15:55

Wait, what do they need after he helped assistance? That

00:15:56--> 00:15:57

is my email

00:15:58--> 00:15:59

my number just because you know

00:16:00--> 00:16:06

I mean my intention is good. My heart Oh yeah. I mean, I want to marry you and to marry you later on.

00:16:07--> 00:16:08

But now I need to

00:16:10--> 00:16:13

we'll keep this a family show and show love because we have kids here.

00:16:15--> 00:16:30

But we'll talk later. But you got the idea. Number one, strong hamdulillah number two it was number two. Trust I'll tell you why. You are as I mentioned America, good brother. Can you imagine if the if the brother that you want to marry he says take up your

00:16:31--> 00:17:01

time tighten your dress a bit shorten your thinking, is this I mean, it is whether I mean No, no, no, no. How could it be possible if he if you see your wife in a cold vironment the windows open? Will you not shut the window to protect your wife? How could you not protect your wife from the Hellfire? Could you imagine Could you be the youth the Prophet Mohammed? The youth pimp I'm sorry, I don't mean to say anything is wrong but I mean, that is the closest and translation English that I can think of.

00:17:04--> 00:17:23

is also see things that are bad that happens to your wife that accepts it says no problems or do or ask you something that's bad. That's bad news. You don't want that. You want the person to be a mean trustworthy with everything, for your honor for your will for your health for your children, and so on. Number three up on the list.

00:17:25--> 00:17:26

But some number three,

00:17:27--> 00:18:02

okay, religious background that's from the Hadeeth. Now we got the two from the Quran that's to go from the pseudonym religious backgrounds. Yo he heard the loss of Hannah dynasty when Kirilenko, Masada when you have to have righteous brother, it's not going to help you, ally, please, when I've been doing consultant counseling for over 20 years, when the sister comes again to complain, my husband beats me up my husband does gambling my husband hates my husband, bla bla bla bla, On what basis Did you say I do? And I and I usually go around teaching this part of the home sweet home, because I believe it's the most important. This is where you prevent it from happening. If you

00:18:02--> 00:18:11

choose correctly, even at a corporate level, if you're working in a business, they will tell you in order for you not to worry about firing somebody, what do you have to do?

00:18:13--> 00:18:16

You have to look at the hiring process.

00:18:17--> 00:18:45

to hire the right person don't have to deal with them later. With all the HR issues with all the firing issues. That's being proactive. That's what I'm trying to tell you choose the righteous spouse, you don't have to worry about all these problems later on. What am I doing? I'm being proactive, so to have to complain to me, so I can spend more time with my family. That consultant gets get it. So when you before you go to the man's office before you do this, and he tells you On what basis Did you say yes I do to this guy?

00:18:46--> 00:19:26

Do you have to go you do your homework first. So we talked about the three religious backgrounds. If the brother does not fear Allah, how could he feel you? How if he doesn't give a loss of hunter gatherers rights, how can he give you your rights? It's a natural process of the if he knows if he knows the deen that Allah subhanaw taala will talk about the rights and duties inshallah fully next Shabbat next weekend. The brother doesn't know that. How could he be the one you chosen for you? How could he be the one that will sow the seed Yaki? You are the beautiful flower. You're so you're the beautiful, beautiful tree. Your children are the flowers, the fruit of that beautiful tree. That

00:19:26--> 00:19:42

person got to quench your thirst with what kind of money, Halloran lawful money on lawful money. What can I see that he's doing? See, you have to think about long not short term. You think about the lineage of tea. And if you're not sure, go back to the graph you'll find out the loss of

00:19:45--> 00:19:52

the forefathers were righteous, literally meaning their parents. But it wasn't even the seventh or the eighth judge acquitted.

00:19:55--> 00:19:58

So you see what you're doing have to you're investing in the long lineage

00:20:00--> 00:20:07

It's a very smart decision you make if you follow these four, righteous is very long again, just to give you an idea

00:20:09--> 00:20:16

I mean all the scholars we all love respect, except all the scholars and respect mean we respect them all. We listen to them all.

00:20:17--> 00:20:18

I mean,

00:20:19--> 00:20:22

I know because you probably shut up so I have to put in the sheffy

00:20:24--> 00:20:25

It's a marketing thing.

00:20:26--> 00:20:54

A membership is shut up nah Zamzam. Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah. We drank Zamzam with the intention of knowledge. Allah give us a long time dinner, is I wish I drank it for tacos. panela is it because I'll tell you how humble he was. That's what he was looking for. Enjoy can do teach your knowledge to Palawan taqwa he was humble. This is what you look for the righteous person.

00:20:55--> 00:21:01

Among the senses, if a person does not pray is not is not a Muslim, according to one opinion, even though

00:21:02--> 00:21:16

the humble which was his students really vain he says How could that be? He says according to the Hadith, it's literally you know the literacy the ticket accordingly they don't go into that we have zero interpretation so on

00:21:17--> 00:21:39

is if it doesn't appraise that Muslim coordinate is close. So it's not actionable sister is not allowed to marry brother that does not bring because according to the Montana, which is number 16 verse is number 10 says there are not permissible permissible for the mother to believe in woman to marry a non believer man. And according to that verse also tells the man the brother does not pray you're not allowed to marry him.

00:21:41--> 00:21:51

If even a chef debated What does he come? How does he come back to Islam? He says they supposedly make the shadows despite him when he's doing that he's still you know, she's learned a lot

00:21:53--> 00:21:53


00:21:56--> 00:21:58

after that, however, you want to take a chance

00:22:00--> 00:22:01

you don't want to take a chance remember that isn't free?

00:22:03--> 00:22:11

Could that be possible? I'm going to trust myself with a man that does not to be the commander of a lot Yes apparently How could that be possible? So I have to produce background duty

00:22:12--> 00:22:14

now what's number four?

00:22:16--> 00:22:20

A lot more conduct behavior, you know why? Women are sensitive

00:22:21--> 00:22:39

and emotionally based you have to understand that he there is a word for you. This is a warning from you for you. Women are what emotionally based again, I will go in details much more inshallah. But again, if you come across some of this will be repeated but just to give an idea. Women are emotionally based.

00:22:40--> 00:22:50

You have to understand that you are physically based you don't have this emotional type of thing you don't see a brother taking the take another brother I need to powder my nose Come with me.

00:22:52--> 00:22:53

We don't have that stuff.

00:22:54--> 00:22:58

Hey, Bob, how you doing? I'm gonna take I'm gonna go bathroom gonna come with me. Have you ever heard of that?

00:23:00--> 00:23:05

The brother Bob is gonna go nice talking to you gotta go now man. Don't call me not to be a friend anymore.

00:23:06--> 00:23:32

But the sisters that have this bond they have this emotional thing and again there's reasons for the creation how to look after children so on. You are physically beast, you're done for a reason. There are certain things that allows us to take a man that knows the moral conduct, you are sensitive, you have to deal with you righteously. If he doesn't, he doesn't deserve it. Because you're a gift. You are an attack. Okay, from Allah subhanaw taala man, he signs your sign from Allah. Okay.

00:23:33--> 00:23:55

So the brother has to have more confidence, how to deal with you, as a righteous husband to be able to know that there are certain times of the month that these things you have to do your homework man. You just can't get in there and say Am I gonna get married? No, no, you can't you got to do your homework you got to learn it doesn't come with a manual by the way. It comes with that whatever there was no just

00:23:59--> 00:24:14

but you have to understand that when you look for a brother of T for example, you don't want to come in like you see depends on the tradition of the comes in with a nice gift and knows how to speak how to do it. These are just indicators are the moral conduct the behavior? Is he like a cheapskate

00:24:15--> 00:24:21

I don't want to pay a gift. I remember first time I went to see my my wife hamdulillah.

00:24:23--> 00:24:24

I had like the

00:24:25--> 00:24:28

the Death Squad. Her father, her uncle her brother and then

00:24:30--> 00:24:34

and I was on the HUD chair. And they were like, Uh huh.

00:24:36--> 00:24:39

He can't he won't. He won't do

00:24:40--> 00:24:41

so they asked me questions. They're like

00:24:43--> 00:24:45

can I can I call a friend?

00:24:47--> 00:24:48

This is my last

00:24:49--> 00:24:54

so they're asking me all these questions. I haven't seen my wife. I actually the first time I went I didn't see my wife.

00:24:56--> 00:24:59

So I you know I wore the suit. You know, I took the chocolate

00:25:00--> 00:25:00


00:25:02--> 00:25:17

Shoes, you know the thing you know, when you go in the back shiny mouth? So I go about a long time they're asking me questions. And I said, Isn't that you know, I can see, is there a you have a daughter, or you just want the chocolate cake? Don't you take a chocolate cake.

00:25:20--> 00:25:24

So I didn't see my future wife. So I left that's good.

00:25:27--> 00:25:29

So I get the phone call,

00:25:31--> 00:25:32

come for the second interview.

00:25:35--> 00:25:47

apply for a job here, whatever. You want some fries with that. So I go second time. Again, another cake. And I have to change the suit. Because if they see the same suit, they will think that I'm cheating. I can't do it.

00:25:48--> 00:25:53

I only get one that suits I have to change. I have to turn that from suit to get another suit different color.

00:25:54--> 00:26:01

So again, just before I leave What happened? She was pushed outside. Because I learned that she would.

00:26:08--> 00:26:18

Not literally they actually had to this is some truth in it. So of course, of course, he's doesn't want to say anything. I have to break the ice said

00:26:19--> 00:26:20

I won't tell you what I said.

00:26:22--> 00:26:23

I'll keep this.

00:26:24--> 00:26:54

So Subhanallah when that happens, you start, you know, thinking of the criterias how to do things and all that stuff, inshallah. I mean, it's a long story, but I'll share something with him. I asked him to come and join me here today. But unfortunately, he couldn't. Because I did the same seminar in the UK. It was really good. Because as I was losing my voice, I said, Please help me and I learned a lot from him. So gently have a zalando Hello, hello, hello. Hello. Love him for the sake of a loan on for a long time from Waterloo A long time ago before he goes to Australia in Canada.

00:26:55--> 00:27:06

He said that when he went to ask for his future wife's hand in marriage he actually didn't know that the Turkish straits she doesn't know that the traditions there. So

00:27:07--> 00:27:11

she gave him tea after like you talked and so on the she gave him tea.

00:27:12--> 00:27:14

So he drinks the tea whose

00:27:15--> 00:27:20

It is really sweet. What's wrong with these people? If you're diabetic, you're dead. I mean, you want to kill me.

00:27:23--> 00:27:31

So, you know, and he said finally dawned on him. He says, aha, his brother, her brother actually told her who was a friend of mine.

00:27:32--> 00:27:41

He said that our tradition is the if, if the sister likes the brother, she gives the tea with sugar in it.

00:27:44--> 00:27:47

Oh, see, the emotional.

00:27:50--> 00:27:51

They love this stuff.

00:27:55--> 00:27:59

Okay, and if they don't like the brother, the put salt in the sugar.

00:28:02--> 00:28:22

It's true that Abdullah was sugar salt. So I asked his permission to share this beautiful story. So it had to do like you have to look at the moral conduct, how he behaves, his ethics, his characteristics, how he talks and so on. These are your four inshallah, let me talk to the brothers in a few times the minister we have and hopefully we can leave the floor open for questions and answers. And

00:28:23--> 00:28:36

my dear brothers. I know it's not easy. I know. It's not easy. I mean, you really got what do you do you go to bars to look for a sister to get married? I mean, what the long line and you understand that it's difficult for you when you get married. So how do you hook up? How do you do this stuff? Very difficult.

00:28:37--> 00:28:42

And you really can go up to assess it. Listen, my intention is really good than all that stuff. I mean, it's very difficult.

00:28:43--> 00:29:05

Now what you look for, we agreed that we go to the four criterias please remind me again, Prophet Mohammed Hassan says four criterias what were the four criteria is that he generally pretty good. So we'll talk about that. Germania. You know, as I mentioned, he may have seen it or whatever the agenda is a slab is a practical religion, right? Islam is a practical religion.

00:29:07--> 00:29:19

He wants you to have a good life, because you are a physical being. So remember, this will man will learn to be attracted, sorry to love the woman they're attracted to.

00:29:20--> 00:29:26

A woman will learn to be attracted to the man she loves.

00:29:27--> 00:29:30

So your physical being you're a hunter.

00:29:33--> 00:29:35

So you're looking you're wanting

00:29:37--> 00:29:39

a 9.8 or 9.9.

00:29:42--> 00:29:55

you base your decisions on physical instincts first, right? She thinks differently. We'll talk about that is a totally different segment. It's called celebrating our differences. We call it men from Mecca women from Medina.

00:29:58--> 00:29:59

It's true. It's part of the course.

00:30:00--> 00:30:02

Now what happens?

00:30:03--> 00:30:05

Gemini has beautiful I tell you why.

00:30:06--> 00:30:08

practicality of it.

00:30:09--> 00:30:24

If you go downtown kale, right? You see again, you know, the image of your things walking around downtown, different colors, different shapes, different sizes, and you get your googly eyes.

00:30:26--> 00:30:31

Right? You go, wow. And then you go home, look to your

00:30:35--> 00:30:36

May Allah help you, ally you

00:30:38--> 00:30:39

and your wife is

00:30:43--> 00:30:46

what happened? You said what I should have listened to.

00:30:54--> 00:30:59

You start having a miserable life that we're talking about. So listen to what is in the job. There you go. Now,

00:31:01--> 00:31:03

number two was number two.

00:31:06--> 00:31:11

Oh, yeah, I know that based on oil. malizia. But I don't think oil says maybe by hearing it's not working.

00:31:14--> 00:31:18

Money. Right? Well, very good.

00:31:19--> 00:31:26

Because we said before, as there's two reasons. We mentioned before Khadija della Anna was also rich, you support the Prophet Mohammed.

00:31:27--> 00:31:35

However, there's another opinion. I mean, the sports leave a lot. As you know, even a woman is rich. She's not going to be

00:31:36--> 00:31:38

what? bought and sold. Yeah.

00:31:39--> 00:31:41

She's not going to be sold for the highest bidder, right?

00:31:42--> 00:32:02

So she's financially she comes from a family that you will not say, you know, I buy you with my money. You can do you become slave? No, no, no. We don't sell women we buy men for lucky. I tell that to brothers, especially the guardians. And then third

00:32:04--> 00:32:06

has a lineage?

00:32:07--> 00:32:16

What kind of environment which is who raised this woman? Right? What kind of mother? Does she have? A minute strict with it? I mean, I thought you respect

00:32:18--> 00:32:24

sisters, check out the mother. I mean, that they came out wrong altogether. That was not good.

00:32:26--> 00:32:33

Just delete that from the sell bad bad. I need to inquire

00:32:36--> 00:32:40

about the background and the ethical matters and the behaviors of her mother.

00:32:41--> 00:32:47

Because really, it's her mother raised her You understand? We have a proverb in Arabic says

00:32:49--> 00:32:52

from my house, she must be Egyptian

00:32:55--> 00:33:27

you know, turn the pot upside down the woman, the daughter would be like her mother something like that. But you understand because this really is. So you know what? There are certain things that you mentioned what kind of family what kind of home she came from, what kind of tradition cultures what kind of behaviors? What was their good and bad what was lawful unlawful what and so on? What kind of what did the except for the nurses, how did they act or be behaved. All these things are very important. Because this is really your family. After all. This is where your children gonna go visit their uncles on there and send their grandmother grant, this is a family How about so you need to

00:33:27--> 00:33:37

know that the environment that the children are going to be in Java after this. We got 1234.

00:33:38--> 00:33:39


00:33:41--> 00:33:43

the dean, I can tell you,

00:33:44--> 00:34:23

Teddy MacIsaac as I mentioned before, terabit to that is, is a positive and negative. They're both revolving around revolving around the dean in a positive way. As I mentioned, if you take the one with the dean, you may be prosperous because the land is a sign of prosperity, that cultivation culture, one opinion of the scholars the other opinion means in the negative side, if you don't take a woman that has religious backgrounds, what happens that your hand will touch dust, meanwhile, sign of humility, you will lose everything. If you don't believe me.

00:34:24--> 00:34:39

When I don't know what the sculpture but you understand that if you when you go through divorce, you're cleaned out man will let you know be careful when the trade name because you lose half on the trading right when you buy a car or whatever it may be. But be careful what you do before you do it.

00:34:40--> 00:34:46

And I'll give you the visual example. Hopefully you remember it. And you don't ever forget it.

00:34:48--> 00:34:51

Dr. Ritter, but they're developing a very close friend of mine.

00:34:54--> 00:34:57

says you know what, let's do this visual act. Okay.

00:34:58--> 00:34:59

Dean is number one

00:35:00--> 00:35:05

According to Prophet Mohammed Sawsan, it's true. But before I go into this, I'll have to take you to the last column.

00:35:09--> 00:35:12

He says, first you look for beauty or religion.

00:35:13--> 00:35:18

Beauty outswing is a trick question. It doesn't go against the Heidi.

00:35:20--> 00:35:21

But let me explain why.

00:35:22--> 00:35:48

He goes look for beauty first. Why? Because if the sister is beautiful, you are attracted you continue. If you look for her Dean, or the after the liquidity criterias you look for the chastity continue. But if the sister is beauty if she doesn't have the deen then cut your loss. But if you go for religion first, right? Okay, you talk about I want to religious sister. Okay, don't forget your guy.

00:35:53--> 00:35:55

been there done that? I know the girl you can follow me.

00:35:58--> 00:36:09

I speak your language. So you gotta be pleasant to the eye. Because you're a guy. I don't mean the sisters don't look for a guy. I mean, you have the right to have a you know, at least the guy that you know.

00:36:13--> 00:36:28

So he says beauty first. Why? He says because if she's beautiful she has the dean go ahead if she's not if she's beautiful, she doesn't have to move out but if you look for the inverse, she's resolved hamdulillah great and then you know

00:36:30--> 00:36:31

then she takes off whatever the

00:36:37--> 00:36:52

the what do you do now you're stuck doing if you refuse that sister who What are you using now? You're using the dean so be careful. Got it. Okay, so let's put the sample up pachala number one according to Baba Mohammed Salim is what

00:36:53--> 00:36:58

religion Dean so let's put it as number one so Dean is number one is number one.

00:37:01--> 00:37:04

She's what she's beautiful. She's at another zero she's a 10

00:37:06--> 00:37:09

she's also rich Mashallah. Another zero that's 100%

00:37:10--> 00:37:13

comes from a good family. She's batting 1000

00:37:15--> 00:37:17

take away the dean. What do you got?

00:37:18--> 00:37:20

You got three zeros. Enjoy.

00:37:23--> 00:37:34

So, these are the tools inshallah I will leave you I will leave you with the other four. So that for for and for for for you for for him. But don't make the final decision. Let's do these four, three, the four the third four.

00:37:36--> 00:37:37

What is it?

00:37:38--> 00:37:40

The Shara is the hora as

00:37:42--> 00:38:03

I'll explain, it's the Shara means consult, ask Do your homework. Ask about the family, friends how they deal with anybody traveled with them before anybody dealt with them and money wise, anybody that went to school with them? Anybody worked with them, and reputation. That's consulting the shadow. Number two, you see what you like, right?

00:38:05--> 00:38:12

You hear what you like? Beautiful. But anybody else knows the closet sins are the hidden skeletons in the closet.

00:38:13--> 00:38:15

Anyone knows what's in the future?

00:38:16--> 00:38:26

Who knows that? Only a loss of vinyl gela Viola. So what do I do? I pray number I do number two upgrade to archive staccato. Again, with no details for now.

00:38:27--> 00:38:32

Asking a lot to choose is best for me. How do you know after you press the heart.

00:38:33--> 00:38:36

If things are easier, and they're good,

00:38:37--> 00:38:37


00:38:39--> 00:38:41

After a phrase the harder things are more difficult.

00:38:43--> 00:38:49

And worse. Cut your loss jumpship. Run, run, run.

00:38:52--> 00:38:54

Number three, Asan,

00:38:56--> 00:39:01

you're determined, I'm determined to follow the sign that a last minute God has given me

00:39:02--> 00:39:08

things are good, I continued things are bad I move out, even though it goes against my whims and desires.

00:39:10--> 00:39:12

Number four, to look good.

00:39:16--> 00:39:16


00:39:18--> 00:39:34

when you determined put your trust in Allah explain away. Don't ever look back, even though gives the whims and desires make sure certainty that this works best for you because you don't know what's hidden. You don't know what's in the future. Don't look back.

00:39:35--> 00:39:41

Scholars want to go against the Sahara. They want you to go into the car. But

00:39:43--> 00:39:51

don't go against it. You will pay a big price in this life in the hereafter Please don't do it. Okay, you asked Allah. Don't make a mockery of him.

00:39:52--> 00:39:52


00:39:53--> 00:39:54


00:39:56--> 00:39:59

how to make it easy. I'm just gonna leave you with one utterance of this

00:40:00--> 00:40:39

caller says why is adultery in all this fornication and all these things that are happening? He says Lana comes up to me. Hillel. asahiyama. Zero. You've made what halaal to be difficult. So haram becomes easy. We're not given a green light. We're learning. We're not condoning this. But we're saying Please take it easy on yourself. Please, if you are Guardian, listening somewhere, don't put these hurdles in front of the brother that's coming to ask me daughter's hand in marriage, and put yourself in a position to remember when you came to ask me for somebody in the marriage. How much did you appreciate when her father made it easy for you to get married. You also want to protect

00:40:39--> 00:40:40

your own daughter hinoki.

00:40:41--> 00:40:45

And my brothers and sisters, please be practical when it comes to choosing.

00:40:47--> 00:40:48

Okay, you don't look for this.

00:40:49--> 00:40:50


00:40:51--> 00:41:20

guy and the cover and the girl on the cover and the dreamy thingy and the whole stuff that we talked about before. Come down to earth and be practical, please. olanzapine, Angela, viola, your intention is to protect yourself to protect them a sister to raise righteous children to build this to do that to come back and and the intention is much better than that. So with this, I asked Allah subhanaw taala to make it purely for sick and to make it among us those who listen to the speech and follow the rest of it. Laughter dalaman hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salam

00:41:22--> 00:41:36

Salam aleikum, wa rahmatullah. Now, I leave a few minutes inshallah for the question answers. I know I'm supposed to be up there by 210 or something. I have two minutes. Okay. Five minutes. Okay. Some Questions Answers Allah, please.

00:41:53--> 00:42:15

Yeah, I mean, the brothers question just in case you did not hear it, even if the four criterias are there and the family does not accept that or make it difficult for you, I go through this a lot of money guys. I say if the Guardian if the Guardian the father does not approve of a brother that comes in that has the criterias the scholar thing is more than more than meaning abusing or misusing his power.

00:42:17--> 00:42:57

After trying to convince your father I'm just talking from my brother's point of view now. To accept this and the powers to be and the people that are the can actually listen to what they can respect from the family. He can actually be bypassed I'm not asking you to bypass your father. I'm asking you to first speak sense logic. This is what Islam says. You know, after this the scholars give you the right to go to your your brother, if he if obviously, we should pay for it. And I don't want to make this into a you know, you know, abandon ship. Oh, my father is more than my father's more than my father's mortals. I go to my my brother, my brother, his name is two two is five years old. Can

00:42:57--> 00:42:59

you get my hand in marriage? I'll give you a cookie.

00:43:00--> 00:43:23

I don't mean that. I mean, after seriously, if your father's abusing his misusing his power, then it's a different story. So I hope that we come back to the dean. That's the reason we raise awareness and eradicate ignorance. That's what the whole course is about. to educate ourselves and come back to the true path of Islam for Adamson not tradition, make it a lot more melodic and make it easy for you. God knows first.

00:43:25--> 00:43:28

Any questions? Oh, sorry. Please. Go ahead.

00:43:38--> 00:43:39

criteria is

00:43:40--> 00:43:41


00:43:43--> 00:43:44

maybe I misunderstood?

00:43:48--> 00:43:48

The question.

00:43:52--> 00:43:53

No problems.

00:43:54--> 00:44:09

No problems. I tell you, the beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right. Okay. What I think beautiful. My brother I know that well, he doesn't think he's beautiful. And that's my brother. Well, like, we have totally different tastes.

00:44:10--> 00:44:14

So he doesn't necessarily mean that the sisters mean not

00:44:17--> 00:44:18

just take my shoes out of my mouth.

00:44:20--> 00:44:21

If she's

00:44:23--> 00:44:53

doesn't mean that another brother will not find her attractive. It's not the case. Everyone has different tastes. You know, we have say every pot has a cover, right? Every the lid is there. So the pot would have been so lovely to be able to do that. So however, the we said the Hadith says it another la salette. Great. Meaning what if the man looks at her, the one that was talking about what type of woman to marry? I mean, there's a lot more criteria. So I'm just giving you the basics.

00:44:54--> 00:44:59

If he looks at her, he's what please What does that mean? smiling face

00:45:00--> 00:45:18

Pleasant, and we'll give you all the tools how to get there. I can give you everything in a very short time. But inshallah he's not necessarily just simply that looks right because after a while if the brother is not happy with his wife and she's giving him a hard time and all that stuff, even though she's so good looking, he will see her as a monkey

00:45:19--> 00:45:32

will lie because you see her that she's giving me a hard time she's a source of my misery. I don't like that anymore. It's not what you think not just physically. I mean, the physical in the initiative to start is that yes, but after Pilates, different story.

00:45:35--> 00:45:49

Okay, so we'll have to 1111 here. So have the lower equal on this one. Unfortunately, I have to I have another appointment. I have to keep with something else. So I thank you, my mom. Thanks to my doctor. Thank you. Thank you for coming. Thank you.