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Alaa Elsayed

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Lockdown Your Anger

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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah salam aleikum, wa rahmatullah wa barakato. My dears Islam, and welcome to another episode of there is ease after difficulties when you stay in home inshallah with another webinar. This is your poor slave to a law, your servant shall law. And that's your service brother in Islam coming to you from Canada from home and hopefully this time we will talk about anger management and is difficult to deal with it indeed, and especially when you're cooped up in a house together for a long time, without you actually asking for this, this is a prolonged holiday that you were wishing for. But when you get your wish, and hopefully, it will be

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better but unfortunately, sometimes it doesn't work that way. So we're going to talk about anger management today I'm gonna talk about what type of anger that we have and how to deal with it and why the symptoms and how to turn it around. And of course, we talk about it in Islamic perspective. So today we're going to cover force among the specialist in the field. And after that, we will talk about the Islamic perspective inshallah and what to look for, of the signs and the symptoms and rvb and not in denial and going through the five phases of the feelings inshallah. So this talk about the definition of anger, and what is the pros and cons of it. And actually, there are some pros

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Believe it or not, but within within check, so we'll talk about that a little bit and in details, inshallah, so anger could be devastating to a relationship, marriage, even a job or anything that will, you can think of in your world, their fears, it's been discussed, worldwide, I'm quoting here, some of the things that I compiled by the beginning of the book that this was a blog get together, we're not here to promote to a lion or that we it's not for sale is relax.

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Okay, so it is we're going to be putting some of the, the experts in the field, as I mentioned earlier, I'm going to talk about what are the effects on the relationship, especially marriage, and hopefully, as I said, always, may Allah subhanaw taala protect you protect your family health and wealth. And we always want to give you a long, healthy, righteous life with your spouse in his life in the year after inshallah, as I said that, divorce rates are gone up, child abuse has gone up, and I think it has to do a lot with anger management. So hopefully, today, we can talk about it. But I'm gonna put some of them again, and then we'll have a discussion after brother free time, we'd all

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love to have after this discussion, inshallah, after this lecture, we will have a discussion. So hang in there, we will cut the YouTube feed, and we'll have a look at an interview.

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So, anger can be incredibly destructive. It can also be helpful if it's checked. So please keep that in mind. So I'm going to keep you in check on both sides. Okay. So the under understanding of men of the anger itself is kind of important. So the psychologist, Tw Smith, his definition is anger is an unpleasant emotion raging, and intensity from irritation, or annoyance to fury and rage. So whether you can control your anger or not, what kind of anger you have, we'll have a list for you and how do you deal with it and how to recognize it? And then the symptoms of the solutions for you inshallah, that will be there. So you will feel Why do you get angry, the common causes include the following,

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obviously, not limited to, but that's the most popular ones, frustration, you frustrated with something or someone

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or a situation or condition hurt, you've been hurt by either your loved ones or some other people, your boss or something that actually lift you in a way that hurts you inside harassment. So you've been harassed before either bullied or whatever it is, whether it's a co worker or someone that you love, someone that you have just been cut off with, and so on even road rage and so on. So in justices regardless of whether it's real or actually be conceived, you can you can say, oh, what like look at this, look at this number phobia. Look at that, or I'm not going to go down that line, but some of it is legit some of it we actually make up. We get a lot of complaints. Sometimes we'll

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go through the proper procedures and find out it's not actually what people think we because we have a psychological block everything that we do we are so quick to pull the risk card or the agenda card or are they religious, just all of that stuff. So please keep in mind, that that is also could be a cause because you've seen something on YouTube or you received a video that was

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you know, the

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Wasn't really properly done or cut and paste. So please keep in mind that that's one of the reasons that you can think in just as is proper or improper doesn't matter, but you think it's just us. And that gets you mad. So other causes, or some of them is like requests or criticism that actually you believe is unfair. Also, some of the people will try to tell you something that you've done wrong. In what you play the victim card, oh, it's unfair. How could they do that? Don't they know whatever it is, go back to the old the, that you're you're the one who was a victim card, you pull that off all the time. And you believe it. Also, threats to people things or ideas that you hold dear. So

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anybody that threats you your your, your, your environment, a family member, a house or anything, or a job, anything that you feel as a threat, right away the anger and the rage goes up. And so we're going to talk about some subjectively matters some understanding of how to deal with the anger and what some of the types and the response of the highlighting some of them.

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So what is the danger of anger, actually, it's an appropriate level of anger actually energizes you to do something that is right, believe it or not, so if it's checked, it does help you do the right thing. However, uncontrolled anger leads to many negative consequences, especially workplace relationships, marriages, anyone that you hold, dear. So please understand, if you don't keep that in check, you may say something that you can regret later. So please, hang in there. And let's go through this together. So anger also allows the ability of being good decision to find creative solutions to the problem. So that's exactly what we're after here today. So we're going to talk

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about the pros and cons. And one of the health risks because believe it or not, some of the experts are telling you, it takes only two seconds in order for you to control it. And as you will see some of the, the examples that are given. So further studies obviously shows that anger is conditions and anxieties of depression, so you don't want and it actually shows that there is a that we believe as Muslims that life is granted 120 days, and I get it. But the studies show that if you're angry all the time, actually affects you negatively. And your lifespan, not just your lifespan is decreased. I understand that. But even the quality of life that you have, you can find peace within. And listen,

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I'm not speaking on my horse. I'm not an emotional by show, you know that.

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But I've learned a few things as we're learning as we're, as we're going through this, we got to be learning.

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So we're gonna go through the some of the tips. This is according to Jenny McCarthy, a real simple lifestyle and wellness guideline. So I've added some Islamic twists into it just to be fair,

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but I have to give the credit where credit's due and recording. So the first anger style is that it's called explosive. And so it looks like this, if you leave the jacket on the floor one more time, I'm leaving you

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from zero to 200 right off the bat. So this is something that you may also have to recognize that within yourself. So it may take a lot to push you so that means that type of a person, you know, a week we say it's a shuttle halimeda you know, that have been the one that is really tranquil and peace and Kula collective is swallow like this type of anger is you swallow a lot of anger, swallow, swallow, swallow, but when you get to the peak, you blow the lid, because that's not a very healthy one. So why because it's never you're never taught how to deal with irritation, how will you actually swallow until you eventually lose it. And eventually that will actually blow. And that's

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not a good idea. This is a this is for some that are anger junkies, you know, they need some of them feed off that believe it or not. So it's an emotional explosion, not to mention the fact that an onslaught can mean that you're going to get your own way, even though it's a short term, you're going to get your own way. But in the long term, you're not going to get your way it's gonna come back and haunt you. So please make sure you understand. So what kind of damages happens. So this damage is virtually impossible to feel empathy and anger, certainly. So you can you can have both at the same time. So in the heat of the moment, you will say something that you will regret, and it

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will be harsh, and you can take it back. It's just like the ball when it comes out of the hole, you can put the ball back. So I want you to think that the word is you control. Once the word is coming out, it controls you. And if you own the word when it comes out, it owns you, you understand. So please make sure that before you go ahead, I want to give you advice. When the air comes up, it doesn't go to your mouth, it goes to your brain first before it goes to your brain. You think about it's got to be my right hand side scale, left hand side scale, more damage than good. And then if you have that to second believe in our province allowances, say

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three times there's your three seconds because eventually the the statistics show that if you

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explosive anger. If you can control it for two seconds, you're good to go. So please make sure that you keep that in mind. We're going to talk about a little more details. Okay, so how to work around it, wait it out.

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So again, this is what the research shows, neurological anger response is less than two seconds. This is, according to Ronald Potter is he's a PhD in anger management. Of course, especially nuclear is one scottson, author of letting go of anger. And this is beyond commitment. So actually, here, he says, do something else. But I'm telling you recite Al Fatiha say I will bless his daughters even I will talk about this time of perspective after and I will give you some tips inshallah, how to deal with it accordingly.

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So now, they have to own your own emotions. That's one of the reasons we're going to talk about how to control this as simple rephrasing of the feelings definitely better. So instead of going, if you do this, that's it, I'm leaving, it's an ultimatum, we're finally admitted, it's, it may be even a shock for people. Where did this come from? How come you didn't, I didn't even express it in it. We didn't talk about anything. I never knew that this gets you angry. So for example, you can say, you know, I'm really upset about your behavior, right? We talked about this before you you have to differentiate between a behavior and a person. Yes. So we don't talk about a person talking about a

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behavior person, it's different. So is this much more effective? Obviously, I really get upset when you do this is much more effectively, you know what, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and all these x rated the things that come out, and you got to do it. So this is what the first one, the second anger style is called self abusive. So you're gonna blame yourself for everything that goes wrong. It is my fault that this went on, he is my fault that he doesn't help me. I am not a very good wife. I'm not a very good husband. You know what, you'll find everything wrong with you? Yes. So please make sure you understand that. It's not always you. It sometimes it may be you. But that anger

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style, the self abusive is self destructive. So you have to deal with it in a way that is not going to destroy yourself. Because if you're gone, you can help yourself, no, you can help anybody else. So what can you do? First of all, somewhere along the line, and why you're doing this is your self esteem took a beating. You've been in some kind of abusive relationship, you were told that you're bad, so on and so forth. That's terrible. And so please, realize that, so if for you, it's just safer to blame yourself, you don't want to deal with it. You know what, you don't want to use common sense or anything else. It's just easy for me to blame myself, then, then it's okay, then it's not

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okay. And the damage it does is obviously consistent turning your anger, ie that feeling inwards, and it's still it's going to be a disappointing it goes into depression. So you cannot bottle this up anymore. So how to turn it around, is question yourself. So every time you feel the urge to assume blame your ownership of the blame, and start asking yourself, Who told you that I'm responsible for this? Why am I taking responsibility for everything around the world? Why am I carrying the world's problem on my shoulder, so it's not a very healthy way to do so? Then ask yourself, do I really believe that? So challenge your belief, I'm not responsible for the Middle

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East crisis. I'm not responsible for the old oil prices, I'm not responsible for the leadership and the oma Yeah, I'm not gonna try to fix the world, I can fix myself and my family, and whatever I can allow myself to be conscious of as much as possible. But if you take everything that is your fault, and it's, you're responsible, is it you know what, I have to do this thing, you're gonna burn yourself out, and you're gonna burn everybody else around you. So please make sure that you recognize the pattern in the first place. And then you can start working on your own, so forth. So make a list of positive qualities that will yourself, look at developing a genuine sense of

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worthiness of your own, what you're good about, talk about the list, you know, and then if you really have to seek professional help, and that's the recommendation that is given. So please, don't stop. I don't mind. I've done the same thing. So I, again, I'm not talking about my high horse.

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If it's if it is that we have to seek professional help, I have no problems with that, whatever. But unfortunately, some of us have a psychological problem from whatever back home we come from, that if you see, as a professional, there's something wrong with you know, it's just maybe a chemical reaction imbalances or whatever it is that it's just another thing that we can get back in check. The third one is anger style is called avoidance.

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You basically just stick your head in the sand, I'm fine. It's fine. Everything is okay.

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Everything is falling around,

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is falling down around you and you still think you're I'm fine. It's okay. Things are good. You know, this relationship is fine. And your husband or your wife is walking out the door. It's okay. He's just going out for a walk. It's coming back.

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So we have to obviously, realize the anger irritation on that one. It is a passive aggression.

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There's another one coming your way. But this one here, it is buried aggression. Yes. So what is it exactly that you can recognize in what you do about it is is, you know, what is it women in particular are told over and over again, that if you get angry is going to ruin your reputation, it's gonna ruin your marriage, you can lose your friends, you can lose your job and so on. So Potter efront actually says I grew up in that violate or abusive home, this is something that

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unfortunately, upbringing has a lot to do with it. So it's you just you have you can, your anger cannot be controlled in a expressive or it way that is commonly and not do that. So the damage that will will come in we're talking about here is the primary function of there is a signal that the summit is amiss, and encouraged solutions to come up with really solutions. So it's actually telling you there's something wrong here. But if you're going to stick your head in the sand, I think not everything is okay, you're not that is you're in denial, again, you're not that look for solutions, you're going to accept the fact that everything is okay, since it's not okay, you're going to be in

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more trouble than it is. So by ignoring that warning signs, you may be actually engaging in your self destructive behavior. This is over excessive shopping, over excessive eating, or whatever it is that you're doing too much of you're going to destroy yourself, whether you like it or not. And it's not a very healthy way. So all we have to do is do it. So we need to know how they can. They can apologize, look for ways they can do this. And they don't even have to be hurt, you don't have to do with the part where you can actually go to extreme where no one is hurt, you can look for ways that you can relay that message without hurting yourself or hurting others, and how to turn it around to

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challenge your core beliefs. So ask yourself, Is it really fine for my partner not to help me around the house. It's not because it's a Sunday, by the way, I preach this all the time. And every time I perform an attack or get somebody married, I make sure the brothers understand what it is because we're lucky we've taken our religion and put it aside, unfortunately, and we take our culture before religion, that's one of my pet peeve. So please understand when you start praying, when you know the first thing you do my brothers, and the first thing that Sunday is to pray to Ricardo, the wife. And the first thing I asked the sisters, if this man doesn't say a lot, but you don't follow Him in

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prayer. So you're you're stating what God is reading everything. So the Creator is creating the creation and the religions, we have to make sure that So please, going to put the cultural side we're going to go back to the Java as you'll see by the end of the session. All right. So again, or to go out with a friend every weekend, you know, what, what kind of relationship is this? What kind of marriage Am I having? is having a good both ways? It's not fair. So you need to recognize this. Okay, you know what, it's not fine. Recognize that something is wrong. That's the first step, taking the proper steps to the right. Job. Okay, so step outside of yourself. Imagine your friends outside

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is being abused or overworked or being neglected, what would the appropriate way of her response would be so think of a third person, not necessarily yourself, think of somebody else if you can handle yourself thinking a third person, okay? And then make the proper action, take the the reason that you're going to help that sister or that brother and implement it upon yourself. And this is how you're going to be reacting towards a job. So embrace the healthy confrontation, it is okay to confront people, but you don't have to, to chew their head off and, you know, explode and it's okay to confront people in the proper manner, in a positive way. So tell the person in a positive

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constructive way. Yes, he or she might be surprised in the beginning. gasps Oh my God, Who is this? Is this the fundament for real? What happened to you? This is Brother Mohammed, how could that be? I know that you're supposed to be saying yes, all the time to everything I say. You don't you don't like confrontation and all of that stuff. So they will be surprised in the beginning, but they hit each other. And you know what? It will, and they will get over it. It's okay. So avoidance often does more damage than families of friendship than expressing your anger. So please understand that this is not a healthy way to do it. You need to face up and smell the homeless. Brianna, whatever it

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is.

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The fourth one is called the angers sarcasm.

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Oh, it's okay that you're late. I only ate. I mean, I read the menu for 40 times.

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Does that sound familiar to some of you brothers and sisters? Yeah. So it is okay to make sarcasm in a way that it's not gonna avoid the things that we talked about earlier on. It is not a healthy way to do so. Because sooner or later will catch up to us. Okay, so people get mad. This fault. It's not yours. That's okay. You're good. After all, you were just kidding. And people can take a joke, right? Know. After a while. I know that there's some some people think that it's okay to express your anger in a joking manner, but the damage is actually even more

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Be you know, couched in a way in your sarcasm is comment and you're going to damage your own relationship. Although some people actually make a mockery as an intellectual form of, you know, joking around it, it's an intellectual way to, to show your your anger, it's not it really is not an intellectual register to do so. Because after a while, you know what your sarcasm is not taking a well, no, that is appreciated, and I'd rather you not being the making belittle me or make a mockery of this inshallah. And by the way, sarcasm has a very negative connotation for the meeting itself. And actually, in Greek, it actually means to tear the flesh like a dog. So Ouch, it's not a very

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healthy way. So we're not going to use that anymore, you know, maybe once in a blue moon. But once that's your, your style of getting things, sarcasm is not a very healthy way. So give it to them. Straight sarcasm is a passive because of communication. And this is what we're going to try to stay with. So you might explain to 30 friends, and you're, you're saying that you're here, I'm seated, I wish that you here's how you can rephrase it, I wish you would try to be here on time, especially when you have We don't have much time together. So this is how we can freeze instead of going routed and negative way you live if someone has even taken advantage of certain things. And you know, and

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don't belittle that intellectual idea, either, because you know what, it's not a very healthy way to do so. You have to be firm and clear. So this is especially true when it comes to you know, your your children, even though you're going to be gentle with them. But you can say jumping on the furniture is not acceptable.

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send a clear message. Don't worry, you know what, we just have to spend $2,000 a new couch if that's what you're aiming for, go ahead, but if not, then you have to do what you have to speak up. And you before they get bitter, so you cannot sit back and swallow this. So you don't have to exercise assertiveness prior to your illness you have to make sure that you're breaking the sarcasm streak and you making sure that you're you're popping out of your truth of who you are, who you truly are. The other the fifth one will be is the anger style is is a passive aggressive.

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This passive aggressive is like whoops, did I do that? Does that sound familiar?

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Did I delete your basketball team you know the golden file that I delete your Oh, even God help you if you have

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tape that your your your final championship on the wedding day? Oh, dude, I mean, I've noticed we don't do this anymore.

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I'm just saying to give you an idea. Did I do something that Oh, oops. And I know that my partner is going to be furious that I know that I'm just making

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this is a terrible way to do it. You don't hide and you swallow that your anger and express it is an under ways like your underlying everything. And what you might do about it okay, you dislike competition, but are no pushover either. So you're not gonna take it long. It's not your You're the one that the passive aggressive in a way, you're not the one that avoidance. Yeah, it says or self destructive that one, but this one, here it is you you dislike competition, but you're not a math either. So you can show some

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discomfort, you know, unpleasant feelings towards it, but you're not going to go straight up to it. So please, have to find a job. So here's what we can, can stand and say, you know, it says

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someone who like this is passion by nature, the turn this style while you're feeling pushed outside the comfort zone, so you need to come out of comfort zone a little bit more. So the damage that we'll do is you frustrate people, you're living your life around making sure that other people don't get what they want. So you're not getting what you want. They're not getting what they want. And it's not very happy all around. And instead of striving to make to make them to make you happy or make them happy. The bottom line is no one wins on this one. It's a lose lose. It's not a win win. So how do you get around. So give yourself permission to get angry, it's okay to get angry, as I

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said within reason, so you don't bottle it up. It's okay to get angry once in a while it's healthy, within reason within check without doing damage. So we're talking about that one earlier. So it says in that case, so tell yourself to get to the anger that is the psyches of the ways that you saying that. I tried to you know, I'm tired of being pushed around. So this one here, this mantra is assertiveness is fine. aggression in a positive way, is so good but otherwise it's not. So advocate for yourself instead of forgetting to turn your your report at work or showing up or late in meetings, gathering in courage and tell the boss the workload is too much for me. I can't take it

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anymore.

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Please look for somebody else to do, or another worker to help me out. So look and seek for help. Otherwise, you look for another job, that you're not even going to kill yourself or others around. So you're gonna have to take control.

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If you turn the passive aggression, when you turn being uncomfortable with it, and you're being expected of you, it is important for something to take reins of your you take control your rights, says unable or you know, rather do your finance your managing your relationship or whatever it is your job, it is not a healthy way to do so. So you have to look for solutions. So you need to take your partner how to, to contribute, give them solutions, sometimes we don't know what to expect to manage your expectations. And number six years is a habitual irritation. This my anger style is called habitual neurosurgeons. So what you know what I am sick and tired of doing everything out

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here. I'm sick and tired. So if this sounds familiar, and some of you may be laughing, this is what it is. So it's a habitual irritation. So what happens is you need to do less of it, you need to have delegate some responsibilities. So you consciously have to turn this off this button. So what it might do well,

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if you're discontent, about dwelling it, but directly with the surface of the consistently seeping through, that is probably resentment, regret, frustration, they'll be boiling beneath, and resentment, regret or frustration will be broken up after that. So please make sure that you understand that how to communicate well, this properly. So promoting this marriage, in order for you to make damage and good and what kind of damage you will do is if you're always ready to blow, then friends and family and co workers may take great pains to avoid upsetting you. You know what that means?

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She's here, he's here, run, run Forrest run.

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So it may result in no progress whatsoever from their side, your side is not going to do it. So you may be stuck in the same vicious cycle for the rest of your life. It's not a healthy way to live. So how to work around. So go to the heart of it. Again, root cause analysis, don't give advantaged solutions. What are you really mad about? And it may not be what you're thinking it must be less something more than that. So anything gets you angry, because you haven't addressed the root cause whether it's your finance, whether it's your emotions, whether it's your marriage, whether it's something that you haven't dealt with for a long time, whether it's your thinking that you're

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deserving something you didn't get, it doesn't matter. But you really need to dig deep. And it's called the five why's I just keep asking yourself, why am I doing this? Why is that and you have to look for the quote, I'm sure it's not because your wife squeezes toothpaste from them in the middle. Or, like I mentioned earlier, it's not a reason for you to blow everything. It has to be something more than that. So when you bottle things up, and you don't deal with it, and you blow all the time, and that's a habitual thing. I'm sick and tired. And again, you, it's not gonna help you much at all. So please, you're more than welcome to again, seek professional help to intervene on this one.

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Or you can tune in the anger clues, like become aware of the actions and feelings associated with with the irritation, why when I get irritated, look back on the file, go back into the root cause and I'm sure you will find it. But you're, you know, putting your fist through something broken, break this and there's nothing going to help you. If you're rumbling, you're swearing and you're gritting your teeth, and, and all of that stuff. It's not going to help you with anyone, anyone or someone or anything else.

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So all you have to do now is visualize peace. So try the technique to stop become angry overwhelms you. So try look for look for the happy place for you, whether it's your honeymoon. I know some of us who tried to forget about that, but whatever it takes, remember yourself actually my wife told me I remember myself when when my mom was you know, like, you know, taking care of me I'm now I feel like I'm cleaning up. I'm wrapped around a nice area and I'm breastfed, I'm happy and close to you. I'm in our arms. And now I'm feeling relaxed. Whether you're on a boat somewhere you can just feel the rocking, beautiful, gentle wave or hearing it a beautiful bird sound, a seeing a beautiful

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sunrise or a beautiful sunset. Go into happy place. visualize that. And that technique will help you. So please make sure that you can

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find something that will make you happy visual aid may be a natural material, when you look at it, whatever it takes. Your children for example, somebody that makes you happy wife, or your husband, new mom and dad, anyone that will bring that to the job. So when it comes to Islamic perspective, brothers sisters

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and that's we will finish with a job. Look in the in the traditions. Our last panel, you'll have your Prophet Mohammed

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give us that we're talking about a job. So when we talk about the Islamic perspective, Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam mentioned when you saw

00:29:59--> 00:29:59

in your

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A person that

00:30:03--> 00:30:09

the woodies are angry. He says, Well, I know this person says something he was being angry. Anybody knows, maybe you can put in the

00:30:11--> 00:30:24

comments. He says, if he says out of the Valencia terminology, he will, he will do it. So I'm going to ask you to do this, please, every time that hands up this type of shirt on,

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they need to recognize that. So if you see him three times, you see

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it says spit dry air on the left hand side.

00:30:38--> 00:30:43

Very little speed, but make sure your spouse is not on the left hand side.

00:30:46--> 00:30:48

Oh, now you don't know you didn't know you did?

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Well, this guy told me to do it the right way. No, but don't take this as an excuse. So and then if you're standing Sit down.

00:30:57--> 00:30:59

If you sit down, lay down,

00:31:00--> 00:31:10

change the position. Get out of that room, is the shaitaan is there and you need to do it as cut your loss. Know your limits. If you know that you're not a very good

00:31:11--> 00:31:43

communicator when you're angry. Take a break. What else? Please make Why? Because anger from shaitaan and it made a fire what puts out the fire nicolaou. So every time it comes to make Ooh, that puts the anger and greed to work. I won't come to you anymore. So when in fact the narration says that he says he comes to you in your dream. Have you ever noticed that nice, the shaitaan will come in your dreams and actually remind you of everything that you hate. Yeah, it's true. I've been I've been doing this I've mentioned this before.

00:31:44--> 00:31:46

And you know sometimes I'm not sure.

00:31:50--> 00:31:56

Unless you're observing you guys get this when you wake up in the morning, you get a smack from your wife. Go What is it?

00:31:57--> 00:32:00

I dreamt that you have a second wife? What

00:32:01--> 00:32:08

I'm laying here. Oh wait, what's my fault? So what do I say? Go back to sleep maybe I will apologize something I don't know what

00:32:10--> 00:32:35

that meant. So it really is will help you a lot when you do go back to your appointments and understand what the angels inshallah will do that even the focus of the line when he was somebody discursive means you didn't say anything toxic smile, but the third time he said something from left to angers left you they weren't defending. So you have to understand that you understand he says, you know, what allows the manager levena

00:32:37--> 00:32:39

created us to be fitness for another

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fitness possible, we'll be patient with one another. So look at the people and its problems, as I mentioned to you before, he says if you if you're patient, you know living among people patient on their harm, and dealing with them is better than you just

00:32:57--> 00:33:03

you know abstaining, be staying away from everything else. So look at the patients were the the

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How to Prophet Mohammed Salah when the man came to him.

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He says, Let me again, advise me, advise me.

00:33:14--> 00:33:56

He says, Give me an advice is don't be angry. Again, give me an advice is don't get angry. Give me a nice, don't get angry. She plays when your kid plays football. Yes. So we need to make sure that we have to know the difference between the beast within society and the beast that is controlling. And we have to come up ajala and do so. So you know, when a lion or a wolf is angry, doesn't think a man becomes angry result of provocation. He has a choice to get anger response, or to learn from the grandson. So please watch, I want you to look at yourself in the mirror. This is some of the tricks that we learned along the way. When you get angry, let somebody tape you will look at yourself in

00:33:56--> 00:34:13

the mirror what your face looks like. And you will find out it's not very pretty and you're trying to impress the babes. With this it's not gonna work. So please understand that. Even Islam says if you go ahead, you can come down you have three days. But I'm not going to ask you to leave.

00:34:14--> 00:34:20

You know what this is, you know, manage, turn your attorneys side in bed in bed not leave.

00:34:22--> 00:34:39

And then you understand there are steps of doing things around it. So please, we have to understand that we submit our will to Allah, Allah can do so. And even Workers of America. You know how strong he was? When someone says nothing less. He stops right away. Yes. So he says, you know,

00:34:41--> 00:34:46

the man had a female young girl that was serving in the water, sure that know the story.

00:34:47--> 00:34:56

And she was very knowledgeable. He says she said to him, we'll call them in the light. And those who control anger. It's Colombo, Avi, but I've been on so subtle, pardon people.

00:34:57--> 00:34:59

I pardon you for forgiving yourself.

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willowherb mycenean Allah loves those who excel in doing wages these go you're free for the sake of Allah, this is something that we have to understand my ministers and inshallah that will come and jump. So during anger or a physical or verbal abuse a person can actually

00:35:14--> 00:35:22

you don't want to hurt someone else don't want to do with saying that they will come back to you, you have to say, so, why am I going to pilot

00:35:25--> 00:35:30

those who are like your enemies they become holy ghost combat is how you look at somebody.

00:35:31--> 00:35:41

Some of the righteous has to lay a man came up to me says, started cursing like you're this Monica lovey and he keeps telling me

00:35:43--> 00:35:56

how these how these people live, man, they're made of ice. So when he recognized you cannot get to him just you turn around walked away because we you told me a few things that are bad about you, but didn't tell me everything you want to hear the rest of it.

00:35:58--> 00:36:00

So don't do that. But I'm just saying.

00:36:01--> 00:36:05

So when Prophet Mohammed Salim says Lusaka we have a surah

00:36:06--> 00:36:08

in them appointment of elegant

00:36:09--> 00:36:36

Prophet Mohammed says that the strong one is not the one that breaks things up and loses and all of that stuff that's weak. It says but the strong one is the one controls his rage and this this isn't a big deal. So inshallah in that essence we also understand how to deal with one another. And Prophet Mohammed Salim lead by example. And when he would, he was had a rendezvous with a young man once in a place he waited for number three.

00:36:38--> 00:36:40

The man finally remember that showed up? Is

00:36:42--> 00:36:48

it difficult for me? Yes. He was always smiling. No, they didn't never asked why he did this, why didn't do this?

00:36:49--> 00:37:11

And that's what the what we have to do we have to think about it. It's even Don't tell me but I want to meet them with an open slot. Did he get angry with me? When did he get angry? When he left? Only you get angry when now when the boundaries of a low or broke when somebody that's something that is haram or something that will never get angry? Yes. So if that's the case, I have no problem with it.

00:37:12--> 00:37:16

But understand that if the anger is in place, and

00:37:17--> 00:37:22

I welcome it, we make mistakes. We're human beings. I'm not telling you to be an angel walking on the street.

00:37:24--> 00:37:51

But understanding that is also making sure that we are going to change and that's what I was to ask. There's a lot of material here, but the time is up, but inshallah we can talk about it some other time. And hopefully we can talk about this question. But this, I ask Allah subhanaw taala to give us the patience, and to give us the intellect to be able to recognize our anger and weaknesses and be able to admit them and

00:37:53--> 00:38:32

he asked Allah, Allah to give us decent records in our homes, especially nowadays when we're going through difficulties. The question is Hi, insecurities Hi, I may lose this I may lose that I'm gonna manage and the anger comes up. And this is one way to do it. So So I ask Allah Subhana Allah to put peace and tranquility in our homes, we can sell our differences, mend our hearts, unite our goals, and make our home the Home sweet home. So we are going to cut off the YouTube feed. We're gonna have a discussion, I give the floor back to where the freight is at any time and bringing this positive law to your homes.