Issues of Marriage #12

And

the topic of issues of marriage is what

I'm kinda trying to cover here. Covering different

aspects of that. Not just the pursuit of

it and the importance of that but also

the, the sanctity of of, preserving it and

and the, etiquette of doing that as well.

I think it's something important for all of

us. This is a very short hadith but

it's extremely meaningful. This is what he says

out of his soul as salamu qalam.

Meaning the conditions that are most worthy

And tu fubihi that you fulfill.

The most

The conditions that are worth the most attention

and the ones that you have to be

most careful regarding in terms of fulfilling them

in detail, in-depth, exactly the way they were

explained.

The conditions that you

used to make

someone else halal for you.

To make the photo of someone else means

you give yourself access to another human being,

which is what happens in marriage. In marriage,

you know, 2 people, they're getting access to

one another in a way that does not

exist outside of this relationship.

It's a very very intimate and special access

that exists. It's a relationship that is on

an extremely

profound level that does not exist outside of

this relationship. And the way that you're making

this happen is through a number of shur'u,

of conditions.

These conditions are sacred and the other conditions

that are worthy of your attention to make

sure that you honor them.

That's why when we talk about Yayi Subhalla,

getting married is actually not a complicated

task.

Islamically it's not complicated.

The Westerners made

From outside of your direct family.

You ask the father, the father asks the

daughter.

They say: Yes. You say: Yes. You offer

a mohar. You're married.

Plus you're married. That's

all it requires. You don't need to go

downtown, you don't need a guy with a

big beard, you just need

this. It's very simple. But there are conditions

that are surrounding this. The Maharul and the

Shahadah

and what

you're actually agreeing to as a man, as

a protector and a provider and as a

woman, as someone who is going to protect

the sanctity of this relationship, with the sanctity

of of the access within within this house

and to yourself. And any other condition you

add upon because marriage is a contract where

you can add conditions.

There can be other conditions that you add

to the marriage. These conditions are sacred

and these are the most important ones for

you to honor in your life.

All conditions that are made that you agree

to, you have to honor.

That's not I'm not I'm not arguing that

there are some conditions that you can go

ahead and break. No. But the ones that

are most sacred, is what he's saying alayhi

salatu wa sallam, is what he's saying. Most

sacred and worthy of your honoring and your

fulfillment are the ones that are made when

you're getting married.

So make sure that you ask the right

questions

and make sure that if you're making a

condition within marriage that it's very clear

so the other person understands what they're gonna

have to honor because this is something they

have to honor for the rest of their

lives. Same thing goes for you. If someone's

making a condition on you within that marriage,

make sure that you understand it and make

sure you think about it long and hard

before you agree

because this condition will continue to be held

upon you to the day you die.

And this is something you'll have to stand

in front of Allah and answer for first.

Uhapu shurult.

More than any other shawl that you'll ever

fulfill, any condition that you'll ever be okay

with is this one here when it comes

to getting married, because it's very it's a

big deal, because 2 people are offering each

other access to themselves. They are bringing their

unsav together. They are building a family together.

This is very this is a big deal.

It's not Islam does not see this as

something light.

It's easy to do, but it's a big

deal. At the same time, it's not it's

not made hard and difficult and impossible to

achieve,

but the sanctity of it, the importance of

it is is very

is held in the highest regards. So any

condition that you're agreeing

to, when you accepted this person in your

life to protect, and to provide for, and

to be faithful to, and to serve and

to take care of on both sides of

this equation. These are surut that you have

to honor and anything that is add to

the added to it must be honored as

well.

And just something for us to all think

about because those of you who are married,

you should think about this because when you

got married,

it's easy to forget in the midst of

it all. After 15 years of it or

20 years it starts becoming a little bit

trusty, doesn't change. This is a shurut that

you agreed to the day you asked for

her hand. And the day you accepted him

as your husband, there are these conditions will

apply forever.

And for those who want to get married,

you make sure that you understand the importance

of this. It's not designed to be difficult.

It's designed to be sacred. Those are 2

different things.

They're 2 different things.

Difficulty

means that there's a lot of obstacles to

get to the goal. Once you have, once

you get there it doesn't, we don't know.

Sanctity

doesn't necessarily mean that it's hard to get

there, but once you're there that's where you

have to deal with it with the highest

degree of respect and honoring.

So there's a difference in these these terms

what the prophet alaihis salam is trying to

teach us. Not about making it hard to

get there. We want to make it hard

to get there. We think that if we

make it hard to get there, people will

honor it more. I mean if we think

if we make it impossible for the young

guy to get married, he has to have

his a lot of money and they have

to have the first khutba and then the

second khutba and then they have to have

the os and he has to put he

has to sell a kidney to do it

and his father has to go ahead and

we'll stand in front of Masaijid and ask

for donations to run this marriage. If you

make a big deal out of it, then

somehow he's going to you know, treat it

with sanctity. He won't.

Making it hard does not holify

the actual action itself in people's minds. It

doesn't. It actually it will build resentment for

sure. It will build resentment And it will

make the expectations impossible. If you make me

pay

more than I have for this marriage, well,

I expect every night

Yeah. I need to be a memory Yeah.

I need to be extremely memorable for the

rest of my existence. I pay I give

everything I got. So And that's not fair

because she's human.

It's not fair for anyone.

So the expectations have to be reasonable. So

you don't make it impossible to achieve. You

made it reasonable,

accessible. But then you make sure they understand

that this is a sacred contract. You are

held to every detail of these conditions. So

the day you die,

to the day you die you're held to

every because it's sacred because it's holy and

that's what the prophet alaihis salam taught and

that's what we have to take go back

to.

Don't make it difficult. Make it sacred.

You're really,

You're really,