Issues of Marriage #08

With his wives and went and sat on

his own. No one it's impossible. It's not

you can't figure it out. So don't postpone

it too much in life because there's no

point. Don't do it too early when you're

not when you're completely not prepared, but get

married as the prophet taught us and then

learn to manage this relationship because it's a

learning curve that, you know,

it's always gonna be a learning curve. So

what he said, alayhis salaam, and I love

this harib because it symbolizes something really important.

So he said, If you enter the city

at night, if you enter the city at

night, he is speaking alaihis salaam here to

someone who's traveling, to a man who's traveling.

This is before telephones, right? And before

there was any form of communication. So, this

is why it's important to understand this hadith

in the context. See, this is why context

matters in a hadith. You understand what he's

trying to teach. If you don't understand the

context of this hadith, it becomes very awkward

and it doesn't make and if you just

follow it literally, then that means every time

you come into the city from outside you

have to go sleep in a hotel first

night and then come here. And that's not

what he's teaching Adi. So, somebody has a

certain If you come to the city at

night, then don't enter your house

until I'm not gonna explain that because it's

not appropriate for me to go into details

what it means. What it means in general

until your wife can take time to prepare

herself.

Prepare herself for her husband. Because she cares

of how because because your wife cares about

how she presents herself to you as her

husband. And then she cares about how she

looks and what she's How she is. If

you've been away for a couple of months

and she's taking care of the kids

and there's chaos in the house, she's running

both her job and yours. If you come

in and just knock on the door and

walk in the middle of the night, well,

she's not prepared for you. She doesn't have

enough time. She's not ready.

Yes, you want to go and have a

shower and be in your home, but the

prophet

tells you stay out.

Send in that I'm here. I'm I'm I've

arrived in the city. I'm gonna wait and

then you wait outside.

Maybe for the couple of hours, maybe for

the full night. He did this. Not only

did he teach this he did it. He

actually stopped the full army and kept them

outside of Medina for a full night. Why?

So that the wives can take care of

themselves because it matters within this marriage, the

relationship, how she presents herself to you.

Just like it matters to you how you're

presented in front of her. Marriage is not

about breaking all boundaries between both two people.

That's not what marriage is about. Marriage is

not removing every boundary to the point where

there's no there's no personal existence for the

other person. That's not what it's about. The

prophet alaihis salam still cared about how

a wife is going to present herself to

her husband. And how a husband is presenting

himself to his wife to the point where

he would tell you if you come at

night don't enter immediately. Let them know and

wait. Give her time. Give her some time.

She didn't know you were coming and it's

not fair to her.

This is not her this may not be

her best hour. She has the right to

have that time, just like you do. Just

like a man does not like see, this

is for the ladies. See, men don't like

to be seen as weak in front of

their wives. They don't like to be seen

as weak. Don't try to force him to

show you his weakness.

Don't force that because it's not helpful for

him. He needs to be in front of

you. He has to be the man,

the protector, the provider, the guy who has

it all under control.

When he needs when he needs to be

weak, he'll he'll make it clear. When he

doesn't need to be weak and doesn't want

to be seen as weak, don't try to

force his hand to be seen as weak.

Just like you don't want to be presented

in front of your husband in a certain

way, he doesn't want to be presented in

front of you in a certain way as

well. That's okay. There's nothing wrong with that

in a marriage. Nothing wrong with actually

making sure we go out of our way

to allow the other person to present themselves

in the way they want to present themselves.

We go out of our way. Make sure.

If he doesn't like to be seen as

weak, then you go out of your way

as a wife to make sure that you

don't let him know that you saw him

weak Or if you saw him at 1

point weak when he broke down when his

dad passed away. Or he broke down when

he when the business went

under underwater. And he broke down for a

moment. Don't remind him of that and don't

remind him that you saw that because that

takes away his masculinity. He's not as good

as a provider or a protector anymore. And

for you as a husband, if you don't

go out of your way to make sure

she has room so that she can present

herself in the day she wants to present

herself to you, then you are actually taking

away her from her femininity as well and

you're ruining the relationship.

He cares enough alaihis salazar about this to

tell someone who has been traveling for months,

for months, for weeks months in the middle

of the desert that if you come at

night

don't go

until you give her time.

Because he cared about this relationship alaihis salatu

wasallam. It's amazing. Wallahi, it's amazing.

I wouldn't have thought of this at all.

I almost feel like, What do you mean?

I've been on the road for a month.

I'm starving. I am thirsty. I am tired.

I don't care what she looks like but

she does.

I don't care. I'm happy with I know

you are, but she does. It's about her

perception of herself in front of you. That

matters. Just like your perception of yourself in

front of her matters. SubhanAllah.

The etiquette of the prophet alaihis salawat wa

sallam. Hajj Hajj alima. Something something beautiful. That

it's not about I know you don't care.

I know you're tired. You just want to

have a shout. But she cares and we

care about that.

We care about that. We care about how

she perceives herself in front of you and

how you should perceive yourself in front of

her. That's important. Sallallahu

adab that he taught us

adab that he taught us