Things to do to have a good Relationship

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Abdulfattah Adeyemi

Channel: Abdulfattah Adeyemi

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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things to do, number one, respect one another.

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If there's no respect, there's no marriage. A man can do anything for you so long as you respect him, there's no food. You can give a man to eat. If you don't add respect you form it.

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Even if you want to call him a stupid man, if you can do that, with respect, we just smile.

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If we want to abuse his mother,

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darlin, your mother behave like you which sometimes

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you know, that's one thing I like about her. She's a no nonsense woman. She can be so cruel sometimes, you know?

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If you can do that, we just leave mama alone, just like that.

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Be like, you know, whenever I'm

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looking at your father, I remember the bachata villa.

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If you can see that with respect, he will not be angry. Look, ladies, it is not just beauty is not just your ability to cook like a dream. If you do not respect a man, you will not enjoy marriage with him. I'm not saying you turn yourself the doormat.

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But I'm saying real,

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strong, well intentioned respect.

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And a man when somebody respects you, you have to respect yourself. If a woman respect you respect yourself, you don't shout on her. You don't hit her. You don't abuse her. You don't insult her. When a woman respect you. She's respecting Allah because Allah says you should.

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And similar to respect his obedience, there's nothing to do with the woman that's obedient.

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Yo, don't say do this, why men ladies do that. Even if Rasulullah will come. As they do this. You ask him your Rasul Allah, why do I have to do that?

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People cannot listen to simple instructions. They want to question the old man to bring his hood for saying that

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many of the women that we see have problems because of lack of obedience, lack of obedience, you got to learn how to be it doesn't remove anything from you. In fact, in my opinion, it takes extra maturity to be able to obey. It takes extra humility, to be able to obey. It takes extra wisdom to know that obedience is what can only be done by people who are intelligent.

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You don't get anything from being disobedient. I'm not saying that. Well, you have to, you know, do this and that kind of thing. But simple obedience, your Hoban says, I don't like that. You don't have to ask him to prove it. That he doesn't like it. You don't have to ask him to show you the Hadith that says he shouldn't like it. He just doesn't like it. And that means he does not like it.

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Some leads will be that well, I will never apologize. After what did I do wrong? No. You don't know how marriage works that way. And the same thing goes to brothers too. If a woman is obedient, they should feel a lot more. Because she's obedient to Allah through you. You don't command her to do what she cannot do. Or put a burden on her that she cannot be. Because she should be obedient you may you begin to command Dr. Ha, ha.

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Why are you looking at me?

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Don't talk Keep quiet. Shut up, sit down, stand up, sleep, die, stop breathing.

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Then you just begin to back orders like that. No. A real man doesn't enforce obedience you earn it. If you're obedient to Allah, your wife will be obedient to you.

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Unless if she wants to offend Allah

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and you don't give somebody tasks you cannot be a you know that she's going out. She will not come back till 5pm if there's traffic maybe about 6pm and you be like, look if don't get back to this house by four o'clock consider yourself default.

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Oh, good. Good. Good. Good is Dana. What What is the meaning? What is it? What is it Mr. Husband? Men have a beard like a lion. He wants to work.

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No, it doesn't work that way. And I'll tell you how it works. The third one is commitment. I've mentioned respect, obedience commitment. You have to be committed you marriages can be very tough. Sometimes. If you

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not committed Are you always coral, you always fight you always find fault, you will not know any peace. You have to be committed because you have to know that what this one you've got for now and you got to make it work. You have to be committed because anybody that's going to be gold will have to pass through the furnace.

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It takes special heat, a lot of heat hot water, before the teabag can lay out the flavor. marriages have trials, they have tests, they have hardship, they have disappointment. There's nothing in this world Americans don't have.

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But if you are committed, there are certain things you know that were this just a passing phase. It just happened. For example, zero to five years, there'll be serious quarters, at least on two occasions, you'll feel like divorcing one another from six or 10 years, there will be serious problems, you will regret marriage or I will put me to the Sudan Allah.

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So until after 10 years before you can see you are now married.

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Do you understand me that zero to 10 years, you are just still learning to balance. So if you are not committed, you may not last the four five years.

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And finally, the things that I want you to put to practice if you want to manage to be nice. is p od.

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P for play.

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Play very well.

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Did you notice that most couples don't play?

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I'm not talking about being the bedroom and stuff like that. Just please remember how the provenance

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used to race they used to play ask many couples you see I asked them, How do you play? Do they play

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the role not to play but in order to qualify?

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Now think about it. Professor of choral men who have PhD choral. They don't know how to play with their wives. They don't know how to spot they don't know how to make her laugh. They don't have any games. They don't have any of you know, just relaxation.

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If you don't play you always have problem.

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Learn to play nice place games. Honestly, if you don't know what to do even video games or when to eat together. Many couples don't do these things. If you say what

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is haram?

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haram or do they play canonize? haram? Okay, we don't want to do now.

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No is no place at the Haram. Honestly, in in terms of marriage don't fake us wouldn't forgive you.

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Just play hot dog play and sweet. I've been going around to people's homes. I did not find and I'm serious. I did not find this table tennis.

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Table tennis. I don't see couples have it. They never thought they should have it. If I were a scholar, I'll pass a fatwa that amongst the things a woman should be provided for when she's getting married. Is it Thank God I'm not a scholar? I would have made the file make it mccoo for you not to have table tennis and things to play with your marriage.

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I mean, why don't we play? What is the big deal? Why don't people play? Please ask couples. Why don't you play do you play?

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Secondly, remember the orders that the Oh, remember the orders that is community connection? attend your stomach programs, attend sister circles, mingle with fellow sisters like you that will influence what is good in your life. Apart from this one oh my event many of you do attend any program True or false? Why?

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You need to have people you need to have support, you know have systems that you think in the same way. According to what is such you are as intelligent as the average of five closest friends to you. And you as Imani. I'm using that language.

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Your Email is as good as the man of five closest friends you have. But you don't have friends who attend programs you don't have friends who have any knowledge of his Deen

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is a bad idea. In other words, move close to others that will influence what is good about your life. And the last one the deep part of it is that take care of your downtime. downtime. What I mean by this time to sleep, time to rest, time to relax. The downtime is when you unwind. You switch off all phones you sit drop the TV and we are just by yourself husband and wife. You just like chill

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If possible don't sleep have enough sleep so that you don't feel like a mad person

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you get erratic you get irritated you get you know pissed off sorry for saying that in a public gathering. You get just so angry over everything because you never had enough sleep. Sleep well and rest will relax that we use it a life is very sweet. Our marriages are very switch to a production make it easy for us. So I said duties respect obedience and commitment. Don't I said anger sadness and fear and the things I recommend I recommend play

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connection with others and respect your downtime. salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.