DONATION APPEAL!

ALL our Projects are FREE and with no advertisements.

We serve millions of downloads a month... Now! Imagine earning on-going rewards of every lecture and quran audio and so on.

As well as helping us cover our running costs and future projects!

mufti menk image

"I really think this is one of the greatest causes one could support"

    Become a Patron
    Donate via PayPal

More Information and Options

The Individual Becoming Mr Mrs Right Part 2

share this pageShare Page
Abdulfattah Adeyemi

Channel: Abdulfattah Adeyemi

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:05--> 00:00:21

Some people have this idea that someday they will just walk into a shop, right? And they will want to buy something, they will have made the shopping instead for them to pay and they forgot their card. And this guy just walked up and says Salaam Alaikum.

00:00:22--> 00:00:23

You forgot something.

00:00:25--> 00:01:02

And so he has actually use it, don't bother. And then the guy like pee with his own credit card. And when you step out, you discover you had flat tire and the guy said, Don't worry, I'll call my boys to come and fix it for you. And the guy left, please join me in this ride. I may be going the same direction you are going and the guy like went to drop you at home and said, I just returned from a Johnny I'm actually based in UK. And hey, I'm only here in Nigeria because I just feel I need to marry a Nigerian lady.

00:01:04--> 00:01:05

And

00:01:07--> 00:01:08

can we be friends

00:01:10--> 00:01:12

and you like a lot?

00:01:16--> 00:01:18

Get real system.

00:01:19--> 00:01:21

It doesn't always work that we

00:01:22--> 00:01:30

sometimes expect destiny to bring their husbands or wives to them. You see destiny is quite busy

00:01:31--> 00:01:51

doing so many other things. You've got the menu Kumari, you got the Lady sukumar. You attend the same programs all together, and you are making dua that Allah will show you what to marry. You got the Muslim lady, this one has a lot but this lady doesn't just walk she flew.

00:01:52--> 00:02:04

She's so pretty and beautiful butterflies who put on her thinking she's a flower. She's got to deal she's got the things that you need for the dean. And we'll see them we can do

00:02:07--> 00:02:20

a while you are sitting there philosophizing, and being very long istikhara will come around, grab her and then you will be the first to be given an invitation card. And then on somebody else's wedding day you begin to cry.

00:02:22--> 00:02:26

Make up your mind. Sometimes it's your personal choice.

00:02:27--> 00:02:44

Make up your mind. Don't expect things to be the way of your desire. fantasies don't always go with reality. If there's a lady talk to her, express what you want. If there's a brother find a way around it.

00:02:46--> 00:02:51

You don't teach a fee how to lie. I can teach sisters how to do it.

00:02:53--> 00:03:02

They know how to get whoever the set to get. If the deal is complete, if what want is okay, go ahead it is to now.

00:03:05--> 00:03:19

Find ways of being compatible as much as possible. Look at the characters and above all avoid falling in love. Do not fall in love. Falling is not such a nice thing you can break your neck.

00:03:22--> 00:03:27

Falling doesn't really feel good when you fall. Stand in love.

00:03:28--> 00:03:37

Stand in love. Look for the mawatha look for the qualities and then put your trust in all magic Allah.

00:03:38--> 00:04:01

How do you go about this? Getting married? Sometimes it's like buying a shoe a pair of shoes. What do you consider in buying shoes? What do you consider sometimes is the cost. You want to buy an expensive shoe. Sometimes you want to get a fanciful shoe, sometimes fashionable, sometimes comfortable which is best.

00:04:02--> 00:04:06

Expensive, fancy, fashionable or comfortable.

00:04:07--> 00:04:46

comfortable. Yes. When you do that when you get the comfortable one. You are lucky because when you wear shoes, you can get it off every time. There are some moments you can remove your shoes and walk barefooted. Getting the spouse of your choice. Guessing your Mr. Right is like getting the size of your shoes. If you got the one that is too small, it's going to squeeze your feet. And when that happens, you begin to sweat even when there is old, you begin to squeeze your face. You begin to make funny faces, you become restless you feel some pains you can complain about

00:04:48--> 00:04:52

but what if the shoes are too big? Well, you can stop it or

00:04:54--> 00:04:56

you can stop it over tissue papers.

00:04:57--> 00:04:59

You can stop it on with papers can stop it always stops.

00:05:00--> 00:05:18

With things so that is not going to pull off your feet. Some shoes are designed for leisure when you want to walk free. Some shoes are designed when you want to look fashionable, fashionable and comfortable may not always go together.

00:05:19--> 00:05:47

Get the shoes of your size, get the one that is for you. You don't worry about us a look. No scissors are too materialistic. Get a lady of your size. There was a time when Iraq was looking for a wife. And these rats moved around and found a camel, red camel. And this rat said now that I've set my eyes on you, I would rather die with you than live without you.

00:05:49--> 00:05:50

I want to marry you.

00:05:51--> 00:05:56

And then the camel said, Well, if you want to marry me, you got to show me to your parents.

00:05:57--> 00:05:59

If they approved, then we can marry.

00:06:00--> 00:06:21

Then the rat pull the reign of the camel and the wind and about to enter into the hole of the rat. And the rat realize that it can well wouldn't fit into the hole. Why the rat was making the effort to see how to drag the camel into the hole. The camera said let me advise you

00:06:22--> 00:06:26

either get a lot of your size or get a bigger hole.

00:06:27--> 00:06:45

We are not compatible. Some of these are so obvious. But people don't like to look at the obvious. When you buy a shoe look at it very well and ensure that it's the one that you can do with is the one you can deal with is the one that's actually your own size as the case may be.

00:06:46--> 00:06:51

Then step through readiness for marriage. Are you ready?

00:06:53--> 00:07:00

If we ask now all single ladies should stand up or single brothers you stand up, go ahead and marry yourself. You see it's no good to walk.

00:07:01--> 00:07:14

Are you really ready? Are you physically ready? Are you mature? Physically? Do you have mental maturity for marriage? Are you psychologically prepared for marriage?

00:07:16--> 00:07:18

Are you ready to take on responsibilities?

00:07:19--> 00:07:53

As a man as the leader when Allah says are riddled kawaman Allah Nisa, men are the maintainer. So women, can you maintain yourself? talk less of a woman as the leader as the follower? Are you ready to be a spender? Bhima Fabiola Bardot mala Abaddon? Wahby, man fakuma, Molly him, can you spend? Do you have something to spend? As a manager? Can you manage? As a communicator? Can you communicate? Can you speak? woman?

00:07:55--> 00:07:56

Is the language on its own?

00:07:57--> 00:08:00

And can you speak men?

00:08:01--> 00:08:04

You learned how to speak men?

00:08:06--> 00:08:23

These are exceptionally important. Well, do you have the freedom to get married? Have you freed yourself? Have you accepted yourself? Have you known that you are actually not perfect? But you are complete? The way you are?

00:08:24--> 00:08:42

Totally? What are the health considerations? Have you considered the health part of marriage? physical health matters of genotype matters of being handicap or being deaf? Or blind? in one form or the other? the deaf community marries them?

00:08:44--> 00:08:56

Have you considered them? The blind community we also need to marry is not all about all of us here alone. I've looked around I didn't see anybody walking in with walking stick.

00:08:57--> 00:08:58

Did we say they shouldn't come?

00:09:00--> 00:09:03

They are Muslims to when they invited.

00:09:05--> 00:09:12

He is doing this job because of those who may not hear what you say. But the oma is much wider than that.

00:09:13--> 00:09:19

Then what of the mental health of the person want to marry is not a psychopath?

00:09:20--> 00:09:23

Can a mad person marry?

00:09:24--> 00:09:35

Can someone with down syndrome marry an artistic person marry? How would you get married? Are you going out with someone with the right aqeedah?

00:09:36--> 00:09:48

Are you trying to marry someone with the right perception of woman direct perception of marriage direct perception of life itself? direct perception of what it means to be a human being?

00:09:49--> 00:09:59

Have you noticed some of the red flags that should make you to know that this is not the person you should marry? What are some of these red flags you see us not married somebody

00:10:00--> 00:10:03

And is never talking about your future

00:10:04--> 00:10:42

is never bothered never concerned about what happens to you in your future. Are you trying to marry someone who is petty? Someone who's shallow, someone who is not deep? Someone who only discuss surface things? Red Flag? If you found somebody already? Does he share the same core values as you do? Does he have the same life goals like yours? What of his Dean? How does he do it? Does he attend programs like you do? Or he has only come to the program to take you out? And that's all. Someone who is not disciplined with the opposite sex.

00:10:44--> 00:10:50

Somebody who cannot look away when he says ladies, or ladies who cannot keep their mouth shut when they see men.

00:10:52--> 00:10:55

He tell me what kind of a person put a password on his phone.

00:10:57--> 00:10:59

What kind of a man does that?

00:11:01--> 00:11:05

And what kind of a woman read somebody messages?

00:11:12--> 00:11:14

Do you trust one another?

00:11:17--> 00:11:18

I'm just wondering.

00:11:20--> 00:11:23

You've not married somebody is already slapping you.

00:11:25--> 00:11:26

Anything you say.

00:11:28--> 00:11:34

And then when he does that, this is a sister. So what happened to you, she will say I fell in the bathroom.

00:11:35--> 00:11:42

You are covering up for him is already beating you is already going violent. I used to say you love him.

00:11:43--> 00:11:47

You can see some of these red flags don't fall into it.

00:11:48--> 00:11:55

You are speaking to somebody and persons hanging the phone off on you. You weren't even married yet. He's hanging off,

00:11:56--> 00:12:08

is walking away. Because he's angry. his refusal to pick your cause for three days because he's angry. Watch it sister. That's a very serious red flag there.

00:12:09--> 00:12:31

You've not married someone and the person is shutting the door with Islam on you because he or she is angry. That's a very serious red flag. The problem is people don't change is not going to change. And she's not going to change. You've done married someone yet, but always goes for nuclear option during an argument

00:12:32--> 00:12:35

is receive either win or we die.

00:12:36--> 00:12:58

over what you are not married yet. That's a very serious red flag there for you. And guess what? You want to marry somebody who can lie about anything and everything. Somebody who says Good morning, and you have to check to be sure is actually morning time. Someone who lies Lie, lie.

00:13:00--> 00:13:01

Lie as don't change.

00:13:03--> 00:13:08

Someone who can lie can steal. Someone who can steal, can lie.

00:13:09--> 00:13:42

Someone who is already isolating you from other people. Somebody who is downplaying your accomplishments, accomplishments and your efforts. Someone who is prone to malaise. Someone who never compliment you. You will never say thank you. You never say you look good. You never say I love you. You will never say I'm sorry. That's a very serious red flag. Somebody who is a drama King to a drama queen, bee way, that's a red flag, someone who's already luck. But we are so arrogant, and someone who is yet to grow up.

00:13:43--> 00:13:54

Keep away from such persons and begin to learn the wisdom of a serious relationship based on the love and mercy that we mentioned earlier on.

00:13:55--> 00:14:01

And let me tell you another tool you need in your search for Mr. or Mrs. Right or if you have got one,

00:14:02--> 00:14:21

the right and adequate information, deep understanding of how things work wisdom on how marriage works. I've always explained this. The bicycle has two wheels, one wheel in the front, the other one behind of these two wheels, which of them is more important.

00:14:22--> 00:14:35

The one in the front is one to which the direction is attached. The one behind is one to which the pedal is attached. It gives movement to the bicycle. Which of them is more important.

00:14:36--> 00:14:37

Can anybody tell me

00:14:39--> 00:14:40

the one in the front

00:14:41--> 00:14:47

is more important than the one in the back. Which of them is the man which of them is the woman.

00:14:50--> 00:14:58

The one behind is is the woman the one in the front is is demand So which of them is more important?

00:15:02--> 00:15:04

There is not like both are more important.

00:15:07--> 00:15:10

Which of them can do without the other.

00:15:12--> 00:15:14

Which of them can do without the other one.

00:15:15--> 00:15:57

None of them can do without the other one. If it's the lady that's behind, she's got to learn to stay where she is. If the man does the front, let him learn to stay there, let each one respect each one, they must move in synchrony with one another else, there'll be friction, they must work together. If the bicycle must move forward, this is how relationships work. Let one not overtake the order. Let one not be jealous of the order. Let one not look down on the order. This is how a marriage works. Let me tell you another way marriages work. There must be sincerity

00:15:58--> 00:16:19

at all times, in all ways, we get married because we want to see the face of Allah. It is part of the love of Allah that we want to extend that love to one another. We must ensure that we do the best of what we can with the best of all characters, and the greatness of this character I want to stress now, maybe we'll discuss more later.

00:16:21--> 00:16:23

I want to ask you this question about a man who was

00:16:25--> 00:16:40

very, very ill. And he promised you a lot. If as you get well, I'm going to sell my house and give it out in South Africa. To Allah make me to get well.

00:16:41--> 00:16:56

And after a long time of prayers, Allah medium to get well. You regain his health. And suddenly you remembered I promised I was going to sell my house and give the proceeds out in South Africa

00:16:58--> 00:17:01

on remembering that by the time he sells his house is going to become homeless.

00:17:03--> 00:17:31

So he felt what am I going to do about this matter? So he put out a bill, a signpost a notice to say is got the house for sale, but with one condition. You see he had a cat in the house. And he wanted to sell both the cat and the house together so that the cat at least will not become homeless. Look at the nice man so that the cat will not become homeless. Now he says the house

00:17:34--> 00:17:35

is 100 Naira.

00:17:37--> 00:17:40

But the cat is 100 million.

00:17:41--> 00:17:45

whoever buys the house must buy the cat alongside

00:17:47--> 00:18:06

someone will come How can you sell a house for 190? That's what I want to sell it for. So let me have it say no, you have to buy the cat alongside Oh my car to become homeless. And so because of that somebody actually should have bought the cat and the house for 100,000,100 Naira.

00:18:08--> 00:18:21

So he collected the money. You know you promised to you went out to 100 Naira and give it out in South Africa. So Allah fulfilled my promise.

00:18:23--> 00:18:24

What did he do wrong?

00:18:28--> 00:18:29

Did you do anything wrong?

00:18:31--> 00:18:32

What did he do wrong?

00:18:35--> 00:18:36

Was he smart?

00:18:38--> 00:18:39

Was he wise?

00:18:40--> 00:18:42

Was it treacherous?

00:18:43--> 00:18:45

Was he a former Niner?

00:18:49--> 00:18:51

I don't know what your judgment would be.

00:18:52--> 00:18:55

But is that sincerity?

00:18:57--> 00:19:22

Is that how to be sincere? is or how to be kind. If anyone cannot establish sincerity in their lives, then marrying such a person is dangerous. May Allah have mercy on us? What are your sincerity brothers and sisters? May Allah continue his attacks. May Allah forgive our sins. May Allah continue to guide or saracino that we do.