Channel: Abdulfattah Adeyemi
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Whatever thing we do, Allah has made it to be that he is watching over us, and is the one that knows how to reward whatever Good thing we do in marriage as an act of ibadah.
I want to speak few words. And give us some examples that I wish that we will not forget, even after we have left this place today, tonight,
marriage, sometimes they say it's the markets that you buy, or you don't know what you are really bought.
Some people are very lucky with marriage, some people are not very lucky. Some people have very good life today because of the person they married. Some people are very sad today. Because of the people that you married, or the point of getting married. Sometimes you can't really tell what we're in for, whether it is for good or not for good.
There are these neighbors. One of them has a well at the back of his house. And the other one doesn't have a will for fetching water.
The one that doesn't have you will always go to the house of the one that has a will, it will knock at the door will open the well for him. And you fetch water and return home. You're doing that every time. So there was a time when the neighbor that had the whale got tired, and said why don't you buy this whale instead of coming to Beckford every time?
And don't feel is a good idea. How much is it? They discussed the I agreed. And that neighbor Pete for the well.
The following morning, he came again as usual. He went straight to the well instead of going to knock at the door. He got there he made that he will have been locked with padlock. So he went to the bar knocks and says
I want to fetch water. This is my well now we locked it that it was said I am doing that locked it. So why?
Why do you want me to open it? Because I bought the web? So yes, you can get the web is there but it is locked. I need to fetch water. Then that Nevada soda said no, no. You only paid for the well. We did not pay for the water inside.
When when negotiating What did you say what to buy? I said I want to buy the Well, yes, you bought the well or you didn't buy the water. It became an argument. They went to George and he just said yes truly. You said he wanted the well go ahead and get you where were you that sold well to him remove your water from his well. The whale is now his own. So that neighbor got back and fetch water from morning till evening. When he got tired in our call the neighbor back and said I'm very sorry, you cannot have the well, you can have the water inside.
This is what happened when we get married. A man we paid a dowry for a woman. He thought is only the beauty that he has bought. He did not know that he has bought everything the well and the water that's inside. If she's a good woman, she will be with you for the rest of your life. If she's not the good woman, your body will love I've also bought the water inside. What I want to do, marriage is manage. Sometimes it determines your destiny. If the water is acidic, is all you're in the water is good is all yours is simply a woman marry a man. I'll just say admiring him because he has one single quality. No, you don't marry the man for his look or for his money. You marry everything
about him. If he's stubborn, you have married him with his stubbornness. If he's careless, you've married him with this carelessness is wicked you've married along, you've married a man alongside with this character. What I want to do, Mary is manage is all yours. You have to take it like that.
Secondly, a person that has to have a good marriage must understand how a marriage works.
For example, we have a bicycle that has two wheels. There's a wheel in the front and there's the wheel behind. Which of these two weeks is more important.
The one in the front is the one that gives direction. The wall behind is one two with the pedals attached, so that the best you can move. Which of them is the whole band. Which of them is the wife II own family.
Usually, the one in the front is supposed to be the man. And the one behind is supposed to be the woman. Which of them is more important than the other
is the one behind you stop moving, the bathroom cannot go anywhere,
is the one in the front you stop giving direction, then the basketball will end up in the gutter.
Which of them is more important in your own family, you get to see that the man sometimes is like if you go ahead, and the woman what actually gives him the power to move. If you mess up with this one behind, to stop moving
all of your sense of direction you will be on the spot you will not go anywhere.
And if we wanted to force you to stop giving direction, the one behind will only labor in vain, it will not go anywhere, no matter what achieved in terms of speed or velocity.
The only thing we understand from here is this. What is the one in the front was to go to the back and what behind is coming to the front. That bezel could no longer be bicycle
to make a marriage to walk, roughly understand how these principles work. Nowadays, many women have taken the place of men, men have taken the place of women, some men wear trousers, the traverse should be removed from them, they should be given a wrapper instead. Because they behave more like the woman he can be very irresponsible, is the wife that knows everything about the house. She is one that has a number of plumbers. She Wanda has a number of mechanics. She has a number of those who repair generator, she has a number of the hospital the children attend, she has a number of the class teachers of the children, what else is there for the man to do? Sometimes, if the man is not
careful, the woman will take over all the power you thought you have. To the extent that even your mother visit you, you want to take her permission before your mother can come. If she has not taken for a man, you will forget that it's supposed to be in the front, his wife with direct the life of his life, without him realizing it, to the extent that you will be at her mercy. Even when it comes to bedroom matters. Things have changed, things have turned around. Gone are those days when men used to be men. And when are those days when women used to be women, when we may used to be ladies, when women used to be treated like queens, when women used to behave in such a way that you know
that is irresponsible person from responsible home. Now I want to argue they want to talk. They want to argue they want to load. They want to argue they want to give you instructions, the home that belongs to the whole band, they claim to authorize now their house, they determine who comes in the tunnel goes out
when things don't go the way they should go. There's no money, anyway, is all going to be strife and struggle and sadness and sorrow and problems in one form or the other. In other words, I regard
men as the maintenance of the women. Allah didn't say male, Allah says men, let men be men. Let women be women, so that marriages can move forward is all about playing our roles. If you don't play your role as a husband, your wife will be the one that will direct the affairs of the house, as a woman does not play her role as the wife, then she will no no happiness. Men love to be respected and honored. A woman loves to be cared for, and love. If we don't remain at this level, then our basic will not go anywhere.
And lastly, a point I want us to also hold and not to forget is concerning three things that can come into one for every man or woman that is married. There was a general he had to go for a decisive battle initially when
everything will be okay with him and his city. And if you lose, the city will be invaded and people will be toppled. So he went on to this battle, which is general and it's true and you got a particular point. They are spiking to tell them that they have been outnumbered and they have been overpowered while the troop morale was down. The general thought of what to do. So he got up and spoke to his people. He said we are going to make dua, if we pray, Allah is going to give us victory in this. They all believed in the prayer. He said yes, let us pray. After the mid lambda. He said to them again, he said
we have to determine our destiny by ourselves. If it is going to be
We should win this battle, Allah decided for us by virtue of our destiny, we are going to lose is going to be our destiny. How will we know our destiny
as the deputy to bring the arrows that they use in shooting during the war, they brought the arrows, about 10 of these arrows were brought along the tip of the arrows, they wrote some things they win or lose, if they pick win as a slot.
That is the win the battle. If they should pick lose them, they will lose the battle. So they gather all these arrows and put them inside the container. And the as the deputy to come and pick one, pick one from these arrows, whichever one you pick at random, will determine our fate in this battle.
Everybody was silent, the deputy moved forward. And he dipped his hand into the container of the of the arrows. And you brought one out. And by Allah will, the one you brought out on the tip of that law was written when
he showed it to the audience and announced everybody was very happy with that happiness. They were charged. They were motivated. They know that they prayed now, and the destiny is that they're going to win the battle. They went to the battlefield and they won. They returned home jubilating triumphant. And when they got back home, the deputy came to the general and said I really believe and trust in your leadership for the fact that we prayed. And for the fiber, I bid me to pick one. And that one I picked whether we should win? Well I have then the general according to one side says out of those 10 hours you pick one and that one is when I will check the other arrows
is I have not checked. So one check. I want to check the other arrows. So that is win win win win win win win win win. That was all of the arrows.
Then he definitely said, Well, how come? He said that his strategy? That is wisdom? Alhamdulillah we have won the battle?
What exactly made them to win that battle?
is it the arrow?
Or is it the wisdom that is generally used?
If you think deeply about what I've just said, you will see that to win the battle of marriage requires all three, the husband is the general, the wife is the deputy. If the general is not smart, if he's not faithful in a lot, you will never win the battle of any marriage. If he doesn't use his intelligence, to be very sure that disabled to find means of motivating his followers, that marriage would never become successful. So think deeply brothers and sisters, it requires a whole lot more than smartness. You also have to be prayerful, you also have to be smart. You have to be strategic. And you have to fail Michala in everything you do. And finally, you have to be focused, be focused
on what is important in the marriage. be focused not to quarrel over every little issue that you see, not to quarrel over every small thing that happens sometimes, to be a man, you have to be focused and you have to be sharpening your focus. And this is what happened in a particular factory, where all they do there is about furniture and some wood walks. And during the closing time, this is security that always watch people come in out of the factory so that they don't steal anything from the factory. So they can come in and come in. And the security man noticed one man carrying wheelbarrow and there was something inside nylon bag, black nylon bag placed inside the wheelbarrow.
So as was about to pass
a Wait, wait, what is that you are carrying? He said I have sawdust inside this wheelbarrow. Open it let me see that we'll open it as close my check. So it was sort of what do you want to use it for? He said I want to spread it on the floor for my poetry. I have a small poetry. I spread it there too typically, isn't it? Usually they don't use the sawdust in the factory. They normally throw them away. Okay, you can go the following day. The same man came, we borrow and it's sort of what is that sort of? What is it for? I explained to you yesterday?
The thought the demand came we borrow and the sort of what is that? My friend you remember when it's sort of okay you can go the first day. Discard you must have come and suspecting
it seems like stealing something. If not, why would you be coming every day with the same narrative.
I have sort of tell me, if you can confess what I've been stealing. I'm going to let you go.
Then that man said, If you promise to let me go, I will tell you what I've been doing.
Actually, I've been stealing wheelbarrows.
it is the sawdust that you are looking at. But as of today, I've told you four will bounce.
Your focus was on the solders that they kept inside it, but he did not notice that it is new wheelbarrow, I steal every day.
If you are the security guru, let him go.
There was a promise, will you let him go?
In this regard, much let him go up in trouble. eventually catch him and arrest him you see be in trouble. Because we will say what are we looking at? That is tool for when you are focusing on disorders that is useless.
If you are the husband, or you have to maintain your home, please don't focus on the sawdust.
Focus on the wheelbarrow. There are more important than your marriage. That is more than sawdust. There are more important than your marriage. That is more than whether your food is ready on time or not. There are more important thing your marriage that is more than your woman behaves like a woman. There are more important than your marriage. That's more than you wanted to say you are the whole band without you performing your responsibility. Please focus on the wheelbarrow and don't focus on the sawdust. Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato