Channel: AbdelRahman Murphy
There is nothing more desirable on a hot day than enjoying the shade. To benefit from shade wherever it is, it requires that you be up close and in the right direction. Similarly, to enjoy the shade of the Prophet (s) we need to learn the prophetic biography and make it personal.
But how do we relate to Rasulallah (s)? Firstly, our speaker reminds us that Prophet Muhammad (s) was human. He was sent to us from among us so that we can relate and make that personal connection. The sunnah never becomes irrelevant. It’s classic, not outdated. As time goes on, it increases in value. When we make that personal connection our love for him and his sacrifices can grow. Through love, we see the real mechanism by which the companions had the fuel to imitate and sacrifice for the Prophet (s). After all, love is an action.
Do you love the Prophet (s)? If you do, how do you imitate the Prophet (s)? What sacrifices do you make for the message he brought to us? Now are you sure you love the Prophet (s)?
Watch as Ustadh AbdelRahman Murphy reminds us of the sunnahs Prophet Muhammad (s) left us on topics like prom, marriage, desires, and depression.
© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.
It's a pleasure to be here in New Jersey to stay
for food. That's the worst position the speaker can be in. It's in between an audience of hungry college students.
I would say Good evening. Good afternoon. Good morning, almost right.
the good news is, well, the bad news is that is the
good news. The good news is
the good news is that the talk will be quick.
I really, you know, the sister did the introduction because I lost it. She mentioned about being
10 days ago, I took my love for Derrick Rose mailout protection. And
I took my love for derrick rose to the level by tearing my ACL.
But I'm still walking, which is actually phenomenal.
then this morning, I was on flight just very early my flight left at 6am from Knoxville, so I had to be up for
the airport in Knoxville, smaller airports up in the middle of nowhere. It's nice. But I got from my car to the gate. That was nice. But then I got to DC and true story. So I just landed in DC associates in New York, probably at 930.
And I get to DC where I'm connecting. And I go to my date, and there's like nobody there. And it's like that awkward ghost town feeling the airport is really early. And nobody's there, you're walking around for like the Dunkin Donuts isn't even open yet. Like ladies, like what are you doing here? Right? So I go to the gate and there's a there's a one employees at the gate. And I'm like, I'm
supposed to be boarding. Right? Literally, right? The minute I got there, she goes, No, the planes not here.
And I was just like, seems like a problem.
When is he going to be here. So if we don't know.
And I'm literally like, Okay, and then at that moment, like the droves of people like, literally, they came behind me. And they were all also like very upset.
So I just sit in dulles airport for four hours this morning, waiting for a plane for those unibilt airports, not quite Reagan or anything. It's not really that exciting, just much carpet.
So I sat there for a while. And it was just difficulty been difficult. My leg was throbbing because my ACLs my surgery scheduled next week, and I was just sitting there and
I open up my laptop, and there's free Wi Fi. And that to me was just a moment where I just looked up to lots of things.
Nothing worse than being straight and having to pay $24 for a couple hours Wi Fi. And that truly to me was great subsea in the model. So you saw that very, very difficult.
So with that, I wanted to say that it's an honor being here. Sometimes speakers say that the end of the talk, and it seems kind of interesting.
But I want to sit at the beginning, because it really means a lot that you would come and spend in the middle of finals. Nonetheless, some time just coming in joining with each other and fellowship hanging out with one another. For those of you who came for the intention of eating out forgive you,
are you but just be able to spend time with one another is good. And actually, as a mental health student and as a counselor. It's great to take some study breaks and time, it's great not to bog yourself down by hitting the books too hard, right? So coming to things like this is very important. And it's an honor for me to be able to share some moments with you about the problem.
Whether or not you are Muslim or not whether or not you that don't follow the Prophet system or not. There's a lot of lessons that we can take from this life. Whether or not you are you already are there you believe to be a prophet or whatever your personal value system is. There's always some good that we can take from every person, right? For most people, right?
so there's a couple things I wanted to say I don't have that much time. But we do have a little bit of a QA but there's a couple of thoughts I wanted to share. And that is that the change in the shape of profits and shadow profit
because the whole talk can answer like this epic conclusion about shade.
I'm giving a TED talk tomorrow. It's I've been on PowerPoint literally the last 12 hours.
In the same problem, Okay, forget what you saw. It's in the shape. Okay. You
know, there's some interesting things about.
I've heard y'all call radio radio stations for like one direction to get some more enthusiastic.
this is a very interesting person. And the reason I say this is because you don't get to meet very many people or get to come to know very, very many people who have the uncanny ability to be able to tie in their personality and their experiences with a variety of people in that first portfolio of individuals. There are very few people in the world, we can say that they can relate to so many different people. But if you look at the life of the Prophet,
you see that he was somebody who was his life was filled with so many experiences. And part of the wisdoms and that the scholars talk about is that no matter who you are, where you're from, what kind of situation you've been in, you can point to some instance or events in his life and say, I know what he was going through, right. And so for example, the prophet SAW someone was born without a or he was born and his father had already passed away, he was born right. And in the culture back then, according to the norms of the time, he was considered an orphan. And so any of us were born as an orphan, which actually is a lot more common than you think I have two or three students who are
orphans in Knoxville, then they are able to relate to that variable to say that these feelings that I feel about not being able to connect with my parents in a way that maybe I see other kids doing is something that the prophet SAW some had with his father, his mother passed away when he was
six years old, right? We should know that we all know what kind of underwear Michael Jordan wears.
And very good. So, yes, I have no contract. So we all know we all know the intricate details of certain celebrities lives, but we don't know the certain details on the profit side, what does that say about our knowledge, and our religion. So the mother died when he was six years old. Interestingly enough, yesterday, I was just talking to a young person, a young male from my community, a young man whose mother passed away.
And so there is a sort of ability to connect with the Prophet. The prophet SAW someone had a variety of different experiences in life. And so we looked him for that. Now, the problem is that sometimes we are raised in the Muslim ethos and Muslim atmosphere with a with a lack of a relationship with
that we feel like he is almost like a demigod. And that we can look at him and call him an older brother or a mentor, that we almost feel like it's disrespectful, called promises of an older brother. But I doubt from all the teachings that I've gone through my teacher is that he would, besides being a prophet and the best of creation, that you would feel offended if anyone felt felt in that way. In fact, I think that that would be the goal that he had was to come off as that, that he was somebody who was a mentor to people, someone that could guide people in a way that they feel comfortable. And you find later on some stories that were out that he was very approachable, much
like older brother. But one of the things that's unique.
And this is something that connects us immediately, is what the law tells us about now, you know, there's a certain emotional effect that happens when somebody else has to tell you how much somebody cares about you. Okay, so it's one thing when you have a friend who's like, Yo, I really care about you, right? And if you're like, go ahead, bro. You're like, bro, not now. Right? But you know, it's nice to hear that. But it's a completely different experience. When somebody else comes to you and says, You really don't know how much this person cared for you, right? You sort of feel just the overflow of empathy, and you're just like, wow, you're almost taken aback. Well, it takes the
liberty in the brawn to tell us exactly how it feels about us. We said, I'll be landing in
He says that Verily, indeed Lacan means for sure, without a doubt, okay, so Allah says
that verily there has come to you to all
Have you been enforcing control amongst yourselves. And this is very important, right? Because if we admit, if we understand someone from being amongst us, then we can relate to that we can relate to them. I'm from Chicago, right? The best city in
the United States of America. And we can't even talk about basketball and neither our teams are willing to make the playoffs. But when Carmelo comes
out from Chicago last week, I was in Philadelphia. And there was a conference and there were some speakers and speakers from all over the speakers from Philly, some from Maryland, some from just all over a lot. So I'm from New Jersey, unfortunately. So I'm from
Dallas. And there was one other speaker from Chicago, right. So I don't live in Chicago, but I'm from Chicago.
And so when we connected the fact that we were from Chicago, what was the reaction? What do you think it was? We were like, Oh, snap right.
Outside looking at it, there's no one else had that connection. So
I was like, he's, like, man shot.
No way. I grew up your sister, Oh, my God.
And then we actually get from that point, I didn't even realize everyone was eating dinner. And we actually shared plates.
We didn't offer to anybody else.
So we were like really connected, right? Once you share your food with somebody that's real.
So we had that connection. That's what minute means, like from amongst you. Now? Maybe not talking about specifically Oh, he's from your city. So if you're not from Mecca, tough luck. No, I'm saying from your people from you. He has the same characteristics as you he has the same sort of normals. He is, he's the same makeup as you are. And so instantly in the eye, right before Allah tells us anything else on the Prophet, he's saying what connects with him, just like the way I grew up, just like we share food immediately, our comfort, our barriers broke down immediately, we should feel no barrier.
And that's one of the purposes that I mentioned that first. So he says
that it is extremely difficult for him, I suppose that and bothersome to him to see what you are going through. It weighs on him the difficulty that you experience, right, what I said earlier, it's it's such a different experience when somebody says You don't know how much this person cares about you. Right. And again, Sunday schools and Saturday schools, in some schools, we're not really taught.
We're taught, we're taught about him as a person who was like an amazing leader and amazing, General, amazing statesman and amazing person. But we're not really taught about him as like an older brother, mentor figure for us. Right. And so
Harrison had a big move. For him, that he is, again, it reiterates this fact that he's so concerned about what is going on with the believers, right. And his mercy is just, he's just an unlimited on sort of bridle, right. And so from the get go, I was telling us about who this person is, and how much he cares about us. And that is one of the best feelings that someone can have for the state of their mental health is to hear how much somebody cares about them. And so let's use this as a muse. Let's use this as a starting point for this discussion tonight about how the Profit System felt about us now, the goal is for the production
of a cool indie rock band in
the state of Sunday schools in New York.
So travel was a part of them. Were they particularly fond of it?
No, in the beginning, okay. They weren't okay. They were not particularly fond. They were known to be enemies. And they would oftentimes have all these sort of objections, they would have all these sorts of issues with the problem. And one of them was actually quite interesting. And in fact, they thought it was one of their strongest proofs against why the problem is solvable than they thought it was one of the strongest proofs against why use a profit but in fact, all it does when you look at it from an analytical perspective is add to his greatness of the Prophet they would say to the prophets, of them and to his followers, if this is true, the Word of God is this
beautifully relevant are worthy brother, if this is true Word of God, why did a las Posadas send out an angel? Why didn't God just send an email directly why the angels are real have to go to the problem and teach him and give him the Quran and then the Quran had become white. Why have a middleman so to speak? Why don't we do something
Straight because that would be so miraculous. And we'll have to believe the brothers walked in this room was like so.
Like, what? There's no doubt, we all saw, we all know that that's not a human experience that's truly metaphysical as more than us, right? And so not only is our response to that by saying you still wouldn't have believed, right, but he also leaves that argument there, as if he's not afraid for us to analyze and look at it. So why did the problem? Why was the human being why wasn't somebody who could cast a shadow? Right? And give us some shade? Right? We'll have Boise, somebody who can do that. What was the wisdom in that? Number one, we're gonna go through four points. So the wisdom of how we can relate to the problem. And the goal is that tonight with a renewed connection
to this man,
and some sort of benefit.
So number one, human beings, okay, so the human beings who
say to them, I'm nothing but a man, just like, you know, obviously, he wasn't a man just like them. It wasn't just the quality of them, but he was a matter of human similar to them. Right? And so, emphasize this point abroad, what is the value of this? Well, human beings are just that they're human. They're human. I was teaching a study circle to my youth group in Knoxville, Tennessee, right to my group of young, male, female and a couple bills. I'm just kidding.
But I was talking to them about a certain story and the story is actually found. It is it is a narration that is passed on in some books and other books. Were the problem with the missile seven had received revelation from angels rail, what was the first word that was real?
Right, what was the first I don't know the first section?
Very good. So
the first portion that's revealed to the public,
he was a magnifier, I'm not a reader. And then a little girl would
squeeze him right and let him go, and he would against a prop, and then he would respond to get mad at a party. So that happened, that event happened. He goes immediately after that, that very traumatic event.
He went to his wife to the job. Okay. He didn't go to his best friend.
He didn't go to a new staff members didn't go to he didn't go to discuss, he went to his wife shows us something about the various problems,
particularly about the marriage with these early on habits, this is not to say that the other marriages were any worse off. No, but that he went straight to his wife, right? There's sort of this sentiment that like, when I have something on my mind, and I want to talk about
it, right? When it comes to like my wife, I'll talk to her about like what she made for dinner, right?
to bed, right? But the prophet SAW some, and he smashed this sort of misogynistic culture that was prevalent that was pervasive in Mecca, and he went straight to his wife. Now, a lot of people don't know, because this Hadees is sometimes
passed over in different forms of cinema, we're all old enough to understand we're old enough to process this correctly. The problem comes after this moment between that time and the other time where, where he would receive more relation.
He would go walk around the town, and he would see into the grill around the town. So imagine this, you know, and your girls into the grill, okay, it was like, Hey, I'm here. Ready? You're ready. 23 years, like it wasn't like that. It doesn't realize that it comes down to is frightened, has no idea what this being is, and what he's been told to do and what purposes for until
then, after that, I want you to imagine this happens to you, and you start walking on campus to St. John's. And all of a sudden, everywhere you turn, you start seeing the same
movie scene, right? on the bench.
only buy food, he's the guy selling your food.
Like everyone, he says that he turned in the marketplace and you would see him you would turn around talk to the way he would see.
Right? And so he thought he was crazy. He thought that something was was wrong was up with him.
became so stressed out about this experience. And so concerned about this sort of event that it happened, that he actually went up to a mountain.
And he actually stood at the edge. Now he wasn't suicidal. He wasn't somebody who was mentally ill. And he was like, I'm gonna kill myself. But he literally stood there and says, If this is true, like is this worth it? Is this burden Am I going to be strong enough to carry this? And so he had that feeling of stress that just overwhelmed you actually stupid
looked over the edge and contemplated if his life was worth continuing. When I told this story to my youth group, I had a line of people afterwards telling me all about the times of the conflict, suicide, and how they had never known and
was in a position that was slightly similar to them. And had they known it would have been very comforting in their time of distress. Right? Why was the Prophet system human because human beings are just that they're human. And when we are able to relate to one another, and build on each other's strengths and experiences, that's where we grow stronger as well. So that's number one. You have all the other stories.
Right? And so back then they didn't have prom, right? How many of you guys have like a serious existential dilemma with
So thank you for being honest. So what was the big deal? I'm not sure in New York, I mean, New York, you guys just I don't know, you guys might go to like Jarvis bot or something.
But fraud is a serious thing, right? Especially in other parts of the country. And a lot of us, some people are very, very torn about whether they should go. Now for those of you who aren't aware of why it's even a big deal. It's because prom went from like this Downtown Abbey, Downton Abbey esque, like classy, sort of like gathering from a nod to like, straight up just bumping Right, right. Like, that's all it is all that goes on there. And so in this sort of atmosphere of immodesty, the question of the believer has this lever like, should I be there? Should I be a part of that? And that's a serious question for a lot of high schoolers to ask because it ties in directly with their
identity, their self image, their social group, their peers, and so they're very concerned. So one thing we did the Sudoku puzzle, the problem was that I told them a very interesting story about granted it was before he received walkie, but there's still an understanding before the Prophet system received revelation. There was still obviously his heart was clean. So he was pure, his intention and action. And God protected him from making mistakes like this. So one time there was a sort of Arab shindig that was happening, maybe, maybe, I don't know.
That was happening. And so
he is, he makes plans to go now I want you to think of all the parallels. Okay, so when I'm giving this class and speaking of high schoolers, college students, so I start making parallels and some kids started laughing so hard, because I do I nailed exactly what they did to go to prom. So I'm like, Okay, so the problem was on his occupation was what was the job of
the shepherd? Very good. So a lot of kids in my youth group had part time jobs. And he worked just like you did like,
a stipend every week, like
he worked for number one. So and I told the person you work for your your money, too, right? Yeah. Then I said, Okay, so he finds out that he has to work then I promise. Oh, no. Right. So what does he do? What does the person do when they find out they have to work on an item they want to go see, what do you do? You trade ships.
So he goes and buys another ship, right? He's like, yo, can you watch my ship on Friday?
Take care of it. Okay, then he gets already. Okay. I told you what you do. And he gets all the hands off the sheet method. That's exactly what you do. When you get on your mom's like, Where are you in right now? And you're like the library.
Right. And I'm wearing.
So I was taking steps to make it to this event. And I said to all the high schoolers. You do too, right? Now what ends up happening? Well, he makes his way down, and he's narrating the honey. This is after years of walking. He's making his way down to the prom and he sees he starts hearing music and the people in there and there's all kinds of, you know, lewdness going on. And he says that I felt my eyelids become very heavy, meaning what? You start to get tired. So he said, You know, I'm not going to go to the party tired. Like, I want to rest up a little bit, and I'll go, no problem. I'll just quickly do a power nap. I'll be good. So he said, I laid down I close my eyes. And I woke
up with the sun beating down my face. I mean, he was.
So when I told the young people the story, as it was the wisdom behind the story, right? Because does that mean like the
good if you don't
know is that you might have the best of intentions Do any of us
know he's wanting to socialize just like each every one of us want to socialize? each and every person in this room loves to be loved to be with other people that are considered friends, right? But there are some environments where it doesn't matter really what your intention is, you could have the best of intentions, those environments will still affect it will still affect you. Human beings are nothing but nature nurture, right? And so there's this
Sort of present theme in the spawn that what you are you become a monk, you become a person who is the people that you are around. So if you whatever kind of friends you want to attract, be that friend. If you want to have good friends be a good friend. If you don't really care what kind of friends you have, that maybe you don't have to worry about. Right? So we learned this now, when we were able to tell the story the kids were still able to connect. Why? Because it is humanity, the human element.
You also have a story of how you got married, right? How many of us our parents ever talked to us about love? Okay, let's, let's, let's triage.
Talk to us about what gender we were anybody?
Okay, girls? Yes. Okay. You guys are like, I still don't know.
I just want parents frequenting me for time.
Okay, so one gender, like your parents, like paid you the parts that you have. Okay, some parents don't do that. Okay. How many of your parents talk to you about the other gender?
The same guy?
How many parents talk to you guys about sex? Yeah, buddy.
I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Because, listen, young people are gonna learn all about sex. Okay, they're gonna learn all about it.
It's not a question of if.
And so why, like, why not teach it to them in an environment that is healthy and supportive? and ask questions instead of having to do all the answers. Right? So the problem is, he and his first wife,
our mother for the job, they had a very interesting proposal stage, right? And a lot of people have talked about like having crushes.
On boys, no.
gonna get a very elaborate painting of your high school years.
So yeah, so you have like parents who will talk to their kids about crushes. And I've heard I've heard parents say this phrase that loves
Yeah, I've heard.
Right, there is one. There's also this one.
This one shape that no one really respect. I think it was a I think it was a lost in translation moment, where he was talking to a group of young men about how he really wanted to tell his wife, how much he loved her. And so he made like, a nice, like, basket of like, like snacks and like drinks.
And keep in mind, this guy's like straight from
So this guy,
I think his wife is actually
so amazing, like ability to communicate, probably some a lot of funny last moments.
He goes up the mountain and they start like no snacks,
or drinks, or snacks, sandwiches or whatnot. And then he's like,
I got it down, right.
There's a lot of talk. There's a lot of talk about.
And that's it.
You're still waiting for something?
My friend, you're my wife.
And let me know.
So we do have a distorted idea of what love is and romance and sex and that's fine. We're growing. We're growing, it's growing.
And you start seeing more and more discussion, discussion, appropriate discussion, but the problem is that many people don't understand that when he got married his first one. It wasn't like he walked into a room was like
he used to work for finito go on right? And this is where it becomes interesting. I just did a talk at a local private school. And the question I got every single class that sounds like four or five classes was not even digitally arranged marriage, but what is an arranged marriage life as if I know
They work. But to assume that that isn't the default standard. And it's fine that we get retired. That's how it is, is a really, really interesting misnomer. And so if we look back to the authentic sources, we started with the profit system used to work for his wife. Now, what did she find attractive? Well, he was a very common man to treat people. Well, he was a solid. I mean, he was truthful, he was trustworthy. And so she found these amazing characteristics. And of course, when you work with someone, you get to interact with them on a basis that is healthy, that is professional, and you might get to glean some characteristics of personality. And so she noticed
this, and she sent her her associate nice up, and she said, Can you have told him? You know, that I'm interested in and see if you'd be interested in marrying me, because we're in class, and you have those notes. Do you like me circle? Yes, no.
I'm just kidding. I'm
just kidding. So this is literally what she's doing. She's sending somebody tell him Do you like me? Yes. No, I like you do it. Circle one. Yes. No. So nice. And it goes to the proper muscles. And then she says, Listen,
what do you think about?
Like, she's great boss.
No, what do you think about like Khadija like, in that way? And he's like, No.
he could not believe it. He was like, No, he actually, he says, he said, there's no way that she would want me. Right, you're so humble, like adding on to this resume of amazingness. He just goes, there's no issue. Right? Like, why would someone diversity because she was Noble. And her family, she was someone who had a lot of money, a lot of wealth. She was somebody who was very beautiful. She was somebody who was looked at by society as like, the perfect girl for the woman. And so he says, Why would she want some ID my sounds like, trust me, she is interested in you. And so this, what does that do? Now that story alone? What does that do to this shade of the Prophet system that
we're talking about? secret for some people, the shade is very narrow. For some people, the shade is not, you know, vast enough for us to sort of sit in when we hear the story that young people are like, wait, so it's okay to have crushes on people?
And we say yeah, and we say that's a part of the human experience, the response or the the Okay, or not, okay, it's how we react to those pressures, right? What we do if it's a healthy reaction or not, and and so probably you'll find some of those amazing, beautiful poetry, you know, audio do on he stood at the grave of his wife passed away.
And he said, an amazing couplet. He said to her, this is the translation. He said, what a what a,
he basically called himself like crazy, but he's like, what, what a crazy person am I that I'm standing in the grip of my beloved? And I'm offering her that she's not responding to me.
As far as that's from our books in history, but our tradition doesn't allow for people to think like that sometimes, not on its own, but how it's being interpreted, right. And so the shape of the pocket system in this regard is very vast, and is human experiences, human element is very important. How many of you are comparing those two or three stories automatically feel closer to anybody?
Knowing that, yeah, you had some tough times. Yeah. And you got married in a way that was kind of cool and romantic. And yet he encouraged it. Right. So let's continue. The second thing about what's interesting about the sharing of profits, in the human experience, is that it allows us to be able to connect to the system in a way that is loving. Right? Now, if I asked you the question in Sunday school, do they teach you that you should love the Profit System? Yes. Okay. So ask the question, y'all in the movies.
Yeah, people say yes. Right. So people were like, when to
merge a song or whatever they got to some point. They know that part of this religion is to love.
But what's interesting is that this love, it has a couple proofs. Okay, there's a couple of necessary proofs. If I say I love someone, but I don't ever do anything that shows that love. Do I really love that? Right? Everything has truth in life when you're hungry. What's the proof of that?
Your stomach hurts. Okay. The other interesting noises were feels a
little bit graphic.
When you're tired of being tired,
or to fall asleep, okay, when you're excited, what's up with that?
Heart raises smile and sweating.
Okay, so everything has approved. What's the proof of love?
Okay, Max excitement.
A proof of love my contention that love involves two groups two main groups. Number one is invitation
When you love something or someone you hate that thing, you know, I grew up in Chicago in the 90s.
And I was just at that age where I was cognitively able to enjoy the Jordan years.
A lot for five years. Not really a huge fan of those years. One of the best years
ever. Right. And there were a couple things that Jordan did that were iconic. That kids all over the city. I mean, the country. We're trying to copy, okay, and we're enjoying the right now.
Okay, what's the logo store logo?
What's the Jordan logo? What's the logo on your shoes? He's dunking, okay. Well, he's not quite there yet. But he's so he's got his legs for doing this. Okay, that was iconic Jordan move, right? The legs spread, you pull the ball like that. So iconic. That symbol became such a symbol of Jordan, that now on his multi million dollar whatever industry company of clothing and textiles, whatever that is his logo, when you see that, you know that it's a Jordan Brand thing.
Right. So that is become now what happened now when Jordan did that, okay, multiple times in games, the dunk contest, whatnot, you had little kids, you could even jump over a piece of paper, right?
during that part of the house like this
was so strong. I mean, what
was what was
the push up? Thank you that it
was I mean, it
was like when he was about to cross over somebody he kind of hang out a little bit. I don't know why. There's a lot of numbers. And you grew up in a very hot climate. So you play basketball for days on end in the summer.
I don't know. But you got kids walking around with just like puddles of drool.
Because they would just walk around the house like
Why? Because they love Michael Jordan. The song I want to be like, my
radio. I want to be like Mike, what is more? What is more of a proof of love than a song? I want to be like Mike literally the lyrics are I want to be I want to be like Mike like Mike, I want to be like my genius.
I want to be like might
want to be extreme.
Now, the question we have to ask ourselves, is this person who is identifying with us now at the height of human experience?
Do we have love for him? Don't say yes. Instead, ask yourself, How do I try to imitate?
Because True Love is not a yes or no? Answer. The question, Do you truly love somebody? It's not yes or no, it is a resume portfolio. Right? It's gonna let you know what have you done to show yourself that you truly appreciate love that person? The second kind of love
is sacrifice. Okay. It's absolute sacrifice. And you see this a lot. You see this in all kinds of relationships? How many of you any mothers in the room tonight?
Okay. Did you say that? If you love your children?
Do you say that sacrifice a lot for them?
Yeah, I mean, definitely. And one of the one of the wisdoms and getting older, I think for younger people, because I deal with 13 year olds, and I deal with 24 year olds, and I deal with 33 year olds, because that as people get older, they begin to really realize what's the current stock price. And it's something that like, you want to make sure that when you're young, the only rule you should follow is just shut up. Don't say anything that you're gonna regret later on. Because when you turn 23, you're gonna be like, Oh my gosh, right. I had kids who were when they were 13. They used to speak so poorly with parents, they went to college, and they filled out FAFSA.
And they saw what their parents were making.
And they felt so upset at themselves forever young and the parents are not buying the latest game system, or a new pair of shoes every six months, because they saw their parents.
And their parents did such a good job of trying to hide that from their experience. They were always trying to get new clothes on boarded. They were always trying to make sure that they had a little bit of cash for the weekend. So the loser friends, and once they saw that I had friends come to tell me they broke down in tears in their eyes.
Cuz I had no idea.
And I used to treat it like when I moved out my apartment. My mom's
like, Egyptian mom. Yeah, mom, your
mom or dad.
Father. That's a different experience, but it's your mother's
Mother's Day like, intense, okay, very intense experience. I love my mom. But we both had like crazy, right? But to the point where like, she'd be like, we're black and white.
And she's like, we're wise enough.
So that's what I was growing up, not just like, Mom, tell me what you want me to do. I'll do it because I understand the value of our relationship. But you know how moms are men sometimes leave the house a little bit cold. Today, like today, they'll tell you what, get a jacket on.
A jacket on. Anyway, I'm not cold, because when you're young, doesn't have nerves.
To play football, it was 20 degrees outside me like it's so hot, right now. I could literally
get a jacket on and I'd be like,
I'm fine. No, don't worry about I'm fine. And then you would be like, no, my mom used
to say what?
Right? It's true. They
want to sacrifice.
All kinds of sacrifice and motherhood is sort of become like a symbol of sacrifice. So and so that the word for the womb of the mother, you know, protects and nurtures the baby when it's in development called the rocking? rocking right? And what does that say new word with
mercy. Why are they connected to the Arabs are very interesting. Their language development? Why are they connected? Why is rockbank connected? Because there is no person that's more merciful. No relationship is more merciful, more symbolic of mercy in relation to a mother whose child right? So that sacrifice and then we ask ourselves, do we love now the answer again? I yes or no. It's, I love him. I love him. And I imitate him and I sacrifice for what he taught me. So watch the game playoff game. Anyone? Anyone still, like anyone found the next
scene? It's like, Okay, all right.
New York teen?
No, not yet. So we're gonna try we're trying to try and
so the, the, the, the amount of sacrifice that you show that you show will dictate how much you love that thing. Right? And so understand that it's not about lip service, it is simply portfolio.
The next point, the third point.
This is interesting. Okay, so this is again, talking about the shade of
the sooner was to define that for those of us, that means the Sundowners is the lifestyle.
The the sort of guidelines advices that he gave us. And the sooner is the point, I want everyone to mentally know this, okay? Because I'll be dealing with young people, and sometimes they just don't get it. The sooner is always relevant to all times and all places. Always relevant. Okay. What is a good story to highlight this point? Well, this is a very, very big issue amongst Muslim youth today, that is the gender issue and the difficulty with fitness. Right.
All right. So we're talking to some, you know, some of the brothers and I'm trying to tell them what you know, like, maybe you should look into like, you know, getting engaged, getting married, like, see what you can do if it's so it's a tribulation that trials that difficult on you. And you're like,
my parents are like, 28,000.
Doctor and all kinds of like, oh, okay, but I can talk to your parents. But until then, until you can pull it off, then the profitsystem advises to what? That's right fat, because fasting is a means to sort of discipline the lower self and sort of keep the desire to check Okay, and what's the response I get when I tell a young male from America or England to fast
don't need to fast
then what else? There's one
It's very common, it's
40 years ago to radio males to call up and like walk around all like models. were like, shut up
right now. And I was like, okay, it's interesting, show me where the
there's an asterisk that says, except burger in America
does not work for you. And the one I'm trying to make is that the lifestyle the Profit System is never ever irrelevant. It's classic. It always works, right? It's traditional, but it always works. And the thing that I wanted to kind of promote was this sort of idea of getting over yourself on my friends.
Long Island native, he has this great line, get over yourself. I think a lot of people feel like, man, the signal is not relevant to me the profits of phones, apps and traditions are not relevant to me, they won't work for me. But the interesting thing is, when I asked him what they try to do, like no, right, they just kind of assume that it'll never work for them. So what I tell them is hashtag Get over yourself. And just try it out and see if it works. And if you have
always run out of words, that I promise, you'll see some benefit your life, I promise you that you will. And this is one of the benefits.
And one of the shades that he provided to us. Now the fourth, the fourth point from this talk, I want to make this one thing
is that in order for someone to grow stronger, they first have to acknowledge the weaknesses, that a person can never, ever grow in strength, if they don't know what areas they are deficient in what they lack. And you find this time and time again with how we responded to certain members of the community who comes in There's a famous story of a young person that came to the Prophet so sudden that very point blank,
can I get to have sex with this girl, and he was in front of all the companions. And the companions were like, what kind of person
who does that they were so embarrassed on behalf of this young man
was extremely modest, extremely honorable, extremely noble, and he could have responded like no your pervert.
Back again, he understood that this person was coming to the prophet SAW Selim approach this approachable promises of them with an admitting a weakness because he didn't just go and commit sin, I think about this for a second. He didn't just go into what he wanted, he came to the provinces and said, I have a weakness. And I want you to give me a religious even allow me to indulge in his weakness. Okay, so the prophet SAW something he appreciated that he appreciated that the person was out of their denial phase, and that we're actually admitting I have this issue. So the prophet SAW something. So let me ask you a question. He said, Do you have any relatives in your family, whether
they're immediate or extended? Or females were women that you respect, honor, love church,
a mother, sister, etc? And he said, How would you feel that if a young man came to me and asked me for permission to do what you're asking for with one of the one of the women in your family, he's gonna be furious? furious? That's my sister, that's my mother, that's my z. So the Prophet said, Why don't you think for a moment, then
a guy or one of the family members of this group would feel if they knew that you were asking for this, the companions of the Prophet says, I'm going to ask for that, that that sort of permission, he's narrating the Hadees that when I was going towards the Prophet asking him for that, he said, there is nothing by heart more beloved to me than sex and fornication. He said, when I was leaving that gathering, there was nothing more hated than unlawful sexual orientation. That experience with the Prophet system transformed that person's weakness into a strength. And so when we look at the shape of the problem, when we're when we're trying to benefit from this,
we have to come to it with an open mind, a person who tries to come and try to get fixed, and they say, I have nothing wrong with myself will never benefit in any sort of way. So we have to do a self inventory. And this is part of being a mindful person. This is part of mental health. Ask yourself when you're in this room tonight, before you leave, ask yourself what are one two or three things that I can improve on in my life? Well, first, I only got one right now, right? We've all got plenty but let's keep it short so that we can make it effective. What are one two or three things that we can improve on in our lives? What are one two or three things that we can benefit from being in the
shade of the property? The reason why I love the talk for the title in the shade the profit much more than the shadow of profit
by the way, don't tell them that Okay, so is because the shade has amazing qualities. Okay, this is the conclusion of my talk for tonight. Shade has amazing qualities. What are some of the qualities of shade when we seek shade?
on a hot day, we get hot,
very hot right and shade becomes like a like a really high commodity like shade everyone's seeking out shade. And so shade is sought out when the environment is tough to deal with. And so this is a beautiful metaphor of the some of the problem is that when the environment figures out from your fingers, to be tough for someone to deal with, they should run to the show.
To the shade for humanity is to follow the best examples example. What else? What else is the requirement to be in the shade?
Darth Vader shape,
you have to get up and go to the shade right? And that ties in directly to my next point, which is proximity, how can somebody be far away from the tree and expect to benefit from the shade? There's no way and so we want to benefit from this shape, it's gonna pull us from the temptations and the trials and the difficulties of our environment of our lives. And we have to have proximity, the problem without proximity will be too far away from benefiting the shape. And once you're in the shade, what will you expect to find dropping at your feet into your hands for the tree
fruit, right, the fruit that the tree gives off. And that is that when you are close to the property, when you get up and go into his proximity, when you benefit from it, when you're trying to stay away from difficulties, you will find these fruits that you will never ever expect it to be that you will find these sort of extra added bonus you never ever expect to get part of the experience. But that's part of the ecosystem.
I want to thank everybody I'd like to keep my talks relatively short and just small, you know, a couple take home points that I want to walk away not feeling exhausted and tired. Thank you so much for inviting me. It's an honor to spend some time with you. We'll have a q&a as well.
Let's start with the juicy one. Yes.
What are some tips on telling your parents I personally want to marry
As somebody who got married in college, hear my advices Oh my gosh.
Number one is that you, your parents, they raised you, they changed your diaper. And then we moved 77 seconds later they changed it again. And then when you throw over that mouse over that hockey, a brand new white carpet, right after you drank strawberry sprite
your parents took care of you cleaned up did all these things. So what ends up happening with young adults is that they get to a point where they're so utterly dependent on their parents, then you develop a little bit of independence, autonomy. And then it goes from like car ride home where we literally will not shut up about what we did at school, but we agree on today. Like it was it was good. I read
her and then you get to my age 1314 like your parents like so home school, you're like, it was nothing.
No one understands me. Right? So there's a huge disconnect that happens. And what also happens later on is that you go to college, like find something that you like,
you go to college, you might be like, and then you start to talk to that. And because parents are always approachable, we start to kind of develop our own gameplan without our parents being involved. And that actually is really bothersome for our parents. When a lot of young people come to me and say that I married my parents say no.
A lot of parents just kind of tell me we wish that we were involved in the beginning. Like you found somebody you planned the day you pick the day and caterers and celebrity invited to your wedding.
Helping you choose somebody to go process. And so one of my advice is to tell your parents
that you want to get very creative, you found that person as if you happen to
just be like, Hey, you know, get to that age. I am 15
and just kind of like kind of just drop it on like that one song. And then that way, you had that conversation with the times. And then when they start saying okay, you work into that as well, which is really nice, you know, sister, brother school that I met there all my classes and I don't know, I want to see what you think about that. I want to get your opinion. And you can phrase it that way we are coming to them as consultants and you're not telling them I thought this person
or culture is just as long like then your parents are like who are you like what is going on? communicated very often very early and allow your parents to have a very meaningful conversation.
Or at least you know, try to try to frame it because the biggest issue that happens people just kind of screw up parents. So caught off guard that the reactions the shot
I know we should always have hope. But it sucks to realize that we are further away from generations on the perfect during the prophets, time, that's number one.
Number two, the worst they get.
What solace comes from the idea that people get worse and worse. Okay. So the first thing is that this idea that the prophecies are the perfect human actually a flawed idea. They were the best of people. But there was a lot of serious issues going on over there back then. I mean, there was fornication, there was a lot of drinking, there was, you know, murder, there's a lot of stuff going on, there was a fierce battle on the battle.
Or one of the people in the battle at the time, it was omitted.
And he actually was caught drinking during the battle. And this is kind of a big deal. Because if you're at a point where you can sacrifice your life for your country, as a human being was imagine being at that spiritual state, but then also at the state where you are okay with drinking, right? So it's kind of like a conflict or contradiction. Now, it was caught, and they put him under house arrest.
He caught him put under house arrest, and I went to felt really terrible. Okay, so here's how drinking. So again, this idea of a perfect amount, not quite perfect, the best generation yet. But they also had their struggles. So what did they do? Well, he sat in the house, he felt really guilty for a long time, because everybody else is out there supporting defending their, their, their country and country, to country women. And he's sitting in the house, and he's just like, man, I made a stupid mistake. I shouldn't have done this. Why did I do that? So sad. boss's wife is in the house. And he's like, begging, please. Let me go. Let me redeem myself. Let me go back out there and
help my people. And she says, nope, you already had your chance to mess up. And he says, Please, please, I beg you. She said, No. Big deal. If I go out there, and I go, and I help people and I die, it's a harder than, that's it. It's done my life over. But if I end up living, then I will come back to the house as a prisoner. I'll come back. I'm not gonna run away. Don't be afraid. She said, Okay, I have your word. My Word is yours. Okay. So you wrap this face up, and I want to recognize him. And he went out, and he started to battle. Now, what's interesting is that he was already a really, really good fighter, but because of the guilty mistake that he made, that guilt propelled him to
like this new height of fighting. And so when saw deductible costs were originally gone and drinking, saw this masked man fight is so valuable. He's a man who is that guy and all the general stuff as a boss, and insights that if I didn't know that he was in my house right now, I would say that.
Right. So there was a sort of like the difference of previous or the previous
was that he made a mistake, which they did. They use that guilt to propel them to tell them. Right, so the question is not whether or not who's better? Who's this or that? The question is, are we following their example? When we make a mistake? Are we using that guilt and regret as a fuel to get us closer to our data? Are we just wallowing in our own pity or even worse feeling? Are we spiritually apathetic, we have spiritual neuropathy? Or we know that all your pre meds, you know, that is right.
Off the keyboard, we don't even feel that anymore. Right? That's a huge issue that we don't even feel that and so number one, there is no such thing number two is that the Prophet system has a very famous ID, where he said my home was like the rain.
My mind is like the rain. And then you clarify what you meant. You don't know which is the best part, the beginning or the end. And so when you need the rain,
rain in the desert, what is it
huge mercy and never ending use it is for irrigation to take care of the crops and such. And rain traditionally has a very strong period and a very weak period. Don't talk about when it rains coming out really heavy and then you'll have drizzle for like 30 minutes. Sometimes it'll come in slow as drizzle and it'll start pouring.
Rain we're not sure what the best part is the beginning of and there's also the many berries, talking about my brothers, my sisters, people who are coming after you have ever seen me but will believe me Follow me as if they see me and he talks about us in the future. So don't ever get down on yourself for being part of this woman that is not perfect. That is so flawed because the promises and talked about our struggles and our weaknesses actually from our strengths was realized.
Have you know something is meant for you and you are put through trials or that Electoral College is telling you not to do it IE marriage.
serious question. I think like there was a point in my time where when I married my wife, it took me like two years just to convince her parents Let's get married. It wasn't because she
had a good wife, it was because we were young, I think she was 17.
so her parents were like really concerned. And it took us two years just to get to that point where they would even let us confirm that we wanted to get married, right. So one thing I would say is that if it happened, it was meant to happen to me, it doesn't, it wasn't.
Things like, we have limited capacity, limited social intellectual capacity. So we can only try so much. If somebody is meant to happen, it will happen.
We just kind of have to do our part. Now as far as taking sides. That's another question. Right? Is it is if it is blocked, or is this an obstacle? Well, it's pretty risky. You in this scenario, if you go to somebody's family, or parents or a person, let's say you're proposing somebody, and you say, Hey, I'm interested in you, and they just say no.
Like, no, I'm not interested. And you tell them, they're telling you, they're really not interested.
When you go, they're like, well, how's it looking right now? Right? Then she wants you to
know, when they say things like, Well, I'm not sure, I was really busy with school, things like that. These are all excuses to get you away from her. But at the same time, notice how the doors shut. Now if he is married to certain doors, right, and if she's married in the shot, but you just have to gauge like see, based on tone and things like that
guy, and you'll see pop up
is that it'll make your heart contented what you're supposed to be conservative, that when you phrase the product,
give me what's best for me, and save me from anything that's not good for me. And if this is good or bad place was getting better. And you'll find that your heart will be content with the with the fork in the road he wants to choose, right. So the morning after the day after week, after you'll start feeling more and more inclined to have a certain way and go ahead and choose that way.
He's asked her heart to always follow what your heart kind of leaves you for as long as guided by goodness.
With so many interpretations of Islam and different communities, how do we train ourselves to continue to love our loved ones despite their differences? believer actually.
question can you relate to
a lot of things that are patient,
I think it's important to understand one thing.
He had a variety of different opinions amongst this community, so many different kinds of people, so many different backgrounds, different understanding, it's kind of a fallacy to think that they have one understanding.
You know, check out the last week class be prepared, you know, there were six different shadows.
Right, six, at least. And so understand that the problem was alive. We were six different ways of ending the prayer. What does that mean? That means that literalism and diversity are allowed in this religion are encouraged rufina let us
and those who strive for us, we will, we will provide for that path.
Anyone that everyone has a different path.
As long as that path is laid out,
and is amongst the scholars agree on the consensus, then you're good, right? The direction has to be one direction.
Okay, and also humanize people, it's very easy to hate people when you don't know anything about the committee humanize them and becomes very difficult to hate them. And so to be like,
completely rather that liberal that progressive, but if you know their name, you know that they have two brothers and two sisters and you know that they work at Walgreens on weekends. It's very difficult to hate somebody humanize them. So get to know each other, get to know one another.
For students who often contemplate suicide or just thoughts not meant to be had, do you think that is like hydrous? Or do you think that's beneficial? I know many people think that being depressed is for all No, absolutely not.
a serious question. I wouldn't laugh.
I would definitely go see a therapist for sure. I would definitely go talk to somebody. And oftentimes your universities have therapists that are paid to talk to you. The person can be Muslim or non Muslim. We really mean therapy is very inherently spiritual and humanistic
So that's why you find that a lot of the greatest therapists in history were spiritual people. So even if the person is not, okay, just kind of get some stuff off your chest, top of your mind. I've had many therapists that you would talk to you yet obviously, the spouses getting those realize, most importantly get a lot from God. So don't think that talking about your problems is a weakness is a way for you to direct those troubles and grow from them. And yes, I I definitely advocate seeing somebody, talk to you.
And lastly, where can we find more information on
so we can we can relate to you better? There are three resources. Number one.
He has a book called the footsteps of the Prophet.
guys help you progress. And
I feel like I mentioned geographic sorry to call you out.
I just posted Chawla I remember I'd be left alone.
If you don't be caught on the phone, so Hi.
In the footsteps of the Prophet, one of the best books I've ever read, if not the biggest, if not the most lengthy, if not the most, you know, difficult vocabulary. But man does he get the point across, he is a great writer. And he's able to extrapolate some of those
parts talking points from all these stories. It's not as detailed as other resources, but it's a great, great primer and start and if you have anybody who is not Muslim, or Muslim, and they want to learn about the problem, so I highly recommend that one because it's just written so well. The second issue, my teacher, he has a series of podcasts for those of you who like to listen to stuff on user drive to training, and you'd like to just kind of like put in your ears listen to it. Your podcast is great. It's very thorough. But for those of you who know shakeup Nasir, you know that his storytelling ability is really good. And so even though it's detailed, it's very easy to listen to,
which is a rare combination to have. And the last one is Mohamed Mahmoud prophet by Otto Salafi. That's a big book, Encyclopedia, but it's written in a very narrative format. So instead of being like, you know, date, event, date event, but some other books, it talks to you in the narrative format, so it's kind of like this really beautiful flow system. Those are the three
grants you love.
Speaking of love, I love you all so much for inviting me here.
Everybody, I have to head out so if I did, and you're like, wait like a selfie.
So if I have to run before we take selfies and all that, please forgive me, but I'm giving microphone in Maryland right now to go give a talk tomorrow. So I gotta, I gotta wake up early in the reverse.
So please forgive me. Thank you so much. It's an honor to spend time with you. wonderful, beautiful people out