Islam Marriage And The Family – Part 5

Zaid Shakir

Channel: Zaid Shakir

Series:

Topics: Marriage

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© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Bismillah

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Salam Alikum Rahmatullah. So we want to continue here some common sources of power struggles.

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One emerges from the passive aggressive pattern of relating. So the nag and ignore game. So the nagger is trying to assert power by constantly mentioning something. And the one that ignores is trying to exert power through ignore ignoring, but this is results in a struggle, because each one is using a particular technique, either nagging, or ignoring, to exert power. So when you find yourself nagging,

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just try to leave it

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and try another approach to make your point. And if you're intentionally ignoring someone to elicit a result, that is a manifestation of your effort to exert power over them, if I ignore them, they'll Shut up. That's an effort to exert power, as opposed to

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let me try to get them to address me in a different manner. So we could find out what's wrong and address the issue. So this is one way that's very common.

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One of another huge issue in terms of power struggle, is the fear of leaving ourselves vulnerable, of fear of exposing our vulnerabilities. And as a result, we exert ourselves to compensate for that fear, all of us have vulnerabilities. And there's a natural tendency to defend ourselves in ways that will not allow those vulnerabilities to be known in some instances, or to be exploited and other interests and other instances. And really overcoming that is a communal effort, we have to collectively work and this is where the power of Islam really manifests itself or should manifest itself, we have to work as a community to create an environment where we feel safe.

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And again, this isn't rooted in our fundamental Islamic teachings. And Muslim men, Solomon, Muslim men and men Listen, he will Yeti, the Muslim is the one from whom other Muslims are safe from their tongue and their hand. So in other words, all of us should be contributing to an environment where we feel safe, I can expose my vulnerabilities I don't have to engage in this exaggerated defense of myself, because I know my brothers and sisters, rather in the context of a marriage of a friendship, or just associations, and acquaintances are not going to exploit my weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Therefore, there is no need for me to engage in these defensive power struggles. So those are two

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things are very, very common. All right, what should we do in light of the situation we find ourselves in power struggles, we sometimes find ourselves engaged in what is to be done. First thing is to implement our religious teachings about humility.

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So if we're humble, we're not trying to impose ourselves on people

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about selflessness. Have we've taken the ego out of the equation, then, again, there is no need for ourselves to aggrandize ourselves at the expense of others because that self

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has been put in place in its proper

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has been put in its proper place by giving preference to others. Again, I don't have to overpower you, if you want it that bad. Take it. It's really not that important. What's important is gender is paradise. It's the non essential issue. Let's do it your way.

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You spend the money to get a new pair of shoes.

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I'll forego whatever I wanted to spend the money for.

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That's rude. give preference to others. That's a part of our religion, where we're not compromising fundamental

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To teachings of the religion and fulfilling the rights of others, one of the greatest fruits of one's spiritual maturation is being able to exert yourself as seriously for the fulfillment of the rights of others, and to be very relaxed in terms of having your rights fulfilled by others. So if I owe you $100, I'm not going to eat next week, to make sure I'm going to pay you back love You owe me $100 and I don't need it, then I'm not even gonna ask you for it.

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If you give it to me good if you don't mesh Allah

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and that's a fruit of spiritual maturation.

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That sort of attitude when is present in relationship, it makes it very easy for us to relate to others if we're humble.

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If we're selfless, if we give preference to others, if we work assiduously to fulfill the rights of others, while being very lenient in terms

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of the rights that others though, to us, so these are some things we should really strive to do.

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Pay attention in the context of marriage outside of marriage, substitute spouse with friend, pay attention to your spouse, when he or she wants to discuss something serious. We know when the issue is serious.

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When the issue is serious, we could tell by the tone of voice, we can tell by the nature of the situation. There are many indicators that let us know when someone seriously wants to talk.

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And when those instances come, it is incumbent upon us to pay attention.

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As good as gab is a fidella is a virtue to pay attention when someone wants to talk to us about anything in any situation as it was mentioned. Yesterday when the prophet SAW let's send them a dress some money turned his whole face and body towards them. He displayed attentiveness and alertness. He made them feel there was no one else in the room. If the room was filled with people and everyone in the room felt the same way. All Mashallah 100 less and Polycom everyone felt that way. That's a Fabiola. That's a virtue. In this situation, when there's something serious to be discussed, it is a ferry law, it is a binding obligation. So we should make sure that we pay

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attention when someone is trying to really seriously discuss something with us. We should empathize with our spouse, parents and children. If we do that, or friends in that case, or whatever the case may be, when we can empathize. It makes us understand what the other person is experiencing. And that makes it easier for us to back up and not try to impose our will on them. So if we understand the struggle that our wives are going through, for example, and the sacrifices they're making, in many instances, because this is a society that emphasizes equality, it is a society that minimizes distinctions and gender roles. And most of our spouses have grown wives in this case, have grown up

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in that environment. And in many instances, though, this put my education on the backburner, and I'll stay home and I'll try to raise the child and understanding that and understanding those sacrifices, makes it easier to respect our spouses, our wives, and to back up and say, Look, she's given up enough she doesn't need to just give up everything. So from A to Z, I'm gonna learn to know I'm the man, I wear the pants, and everything. You're submissive subordinate, and that's how it is. This is Islam tech, Vir, Allahu Akbar.

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Oh, wait, we're human beings. And we have to treat each other with a huge portion of basic human dignity and that involves empathy with our parents, with our children to understand is a lot of parents that children do things that are very American Teenager ish.

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Is that a real word?

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I just made it one. And they do it. They'll do things very American Teenager ish. And as a result, they get screamed at and yelled at and their lives are threatened. And

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sometimes parents have to empathize and realize it is extremely difficult. Being a teenager in America

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is hard parents. There are pressures that a person who grew up in a more traditional society because things are breaking down in the Muslim world. And a lot of the problems and dysfunctions that are here are moving over there. Thanks primarily to television.

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But it is not easy, and there are unimaginable pressures, there are unimaginable, unimaginable influences, and a lot of them are very subtle, even when I was growing up advertisement hadn't been perfected.

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So I could easily be a social rebel,

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sometimes without a cause as a teenager, yes.

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All right here, these techniques are used to control and the conscious effort is to control

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here who mentioned those things, these things are used to

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create an environment where the focus is on a loss upon over time. So we mentioned earlier and by way of introduction, will not a wall that I had on the left. So no one humbles themselves for loss. So here, we're doing it for our knifes

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and that creates his own dynamics in terms of the outcome. Here, we're doing it for a loss apana wattana. And that creates his own dynamics. So that's the basic difference between it.

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Right, so and and just to reiterate the answer very quickly, in the first instance, these ways of functioning, passive aggressive, our use,

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are motivated by the neffs. Whereas those similar type behaviors that involve some of these things are motivated by a desire to please Allah subhanho wa Taala nottawasaga no one homos themselves the left Illa Rafa hula, which creates a different dynamic in terms of the outcome. Here the outcome emanates from a dynamic that situated in the neffs. And hear the dynamic emanates from Allah subhanho wa Taala. Because one who does something for their nuts, they're left to their own devices in terms of the outcome, one who does something for a law, then Allah subhanho wa Taala takes charge of the outcome. And so and here, the outcome is not likely to be negative. Here, for a loss sake.

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There's humility, there's selflessness, there's giving preference, the outcome will be positive.

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So we mentioned empathizing with spouses, parents, children, validating each other's feelings. So for example, as opposed to

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this husband comes home, obviously upset. Why are you taking out the stuff that happens on the job on me?

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As opposed to they denied you the promotion because you are Muslim? You should be upset. Here we're validating.

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So what's what's going to be the response?

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So glad I got a wife like you

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was gonna be right resolved here. Why are you taking all that stuff that happens on the job on me, it's gonna be negative. So a lot of times how we validate or invalidate the way our friend, our spouse, neighbor, someone we have relationship is feeling will affect the future course of that relationship, either the immediate future or the distant, distant future. We have to show genuine affection showing genuine affection goes a long way towards diffusing power struggles. Because when you feel someone cares about you, you're not you, you tend not to try to impose yourself on them or to dominate them. So showing genuine affection is very important in this regard.

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To show support, this is especially important in dealing with third parties. So supporting your friends position when they're right

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and align yourself with them when they're right helps to prevent isolation and insecurity. As we mentioned, yesterday, insecurity is one of the greatest sources of a desire to exert power is insecurity. insecurity is one of the greatest sources of criminal behavior.

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If you know are familiar with the general population of incarcerated individuals, a large percentage of you examine had trouble in early school years,

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either with reading or some academic thing. And we developed insecurities and acted out as a result. And that led to special education that led to leaving school altogether. That led to the truth to the, to the streets, to the gangs, and in many instances, to trying to assert power, and to ascribe meaning to self through non academic

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processes.

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You'll find that in a lot of instances, and so it's rooted in insecurity. So it's very important that we make each other secure Muslims that we make each other secure, that we make people around us secure, so that people don't look at us as a source of insecurity. As some do now, you get on a plane, people start looking at you and getting insecure. You know, see have a suicide belt. Why is he have such a baggy shirt?

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What's up under there?

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You know, and Muslim men Sally Mel musli, Mona Mindy Santa, he will Yeti. The Muslim is the one all of the other Muslims are safe from their tongue in hand. Well mcminn men emin and Nestle Bella aka.

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And the believer well movement

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is one that all of the people are safe from any evil from them, when moltmann an eminent nezu, but when. So we should work hard to make people secure, we should work hard to move, remove and securities. And that effort should start with those closest to us.

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Charity begins at home, as they say. Because insecurity leads to efforts to assert power in any relationship.

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Or rahima, your hammer home or rushman or ha moments are your complimentary center. So the merciful people are those, the All Merciful, will show mercy to be merciful to those on earth and allow will be merciful to you. So again,

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many times, efforts to assert power lead us to trample on people lead us to disregard the rights and feelings of other people lead us to engage in behaviors that are not empowering to the other

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Muslims, we should be merciful. And if we're merciful, Allah tala will be merciful to us, we should never forget that. Mercy

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is the dominant characteristic of our manifest and his creation. And mercy should be a characteristic that defines all of us, whoever we are. And if we're merciful, then we'll all help each other to blossom, to be the person we're supposed to be. So if you go to the workbook very quickly, moving right along here, let's go to power and this again,

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consider your baggage. Then we'll go through the balance imbalance sheet together. So just take a look at these five things. And think about how it might affect your current relationship. And then think about how you might change some of these things if you're coming down on the negative side of the ledger.

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So the first things, the baggage, just think about that. The second thing let's go through this together the balance or imbalance sheet. So check off as you go. Below this our list of common family decisions and your family of origin were these issues default decided by your father, mother or both, who had the final word and arguments. So number one, check off decisions about how to spend money so check father, mother, or both.

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Number two, decisions about whom to visit or socialize with who made those decisions, the Father, the mother, of both of the parents,

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decisions about where to live, excuse me child rearing. So showering the school what school the children are going to go to, what kind of clothes they're going to wear, what kind of friends they have, that's related to number two. But basic child rearing decisions, who made those decisions, father, mother, or both

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decisions about where to live.

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Who made those decisions father and mother, or both. And finally decisions about where to spend vacations,

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father, mother, or both.

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So by way of assessment, if you have a lopsided list, if you have both, you probably have a very balanced approach to these decisions in your relationships. Especially if you're married. If you have Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, Mother, or Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, you have a lopsided list and that probably affects the way that as a man or a woman you now relate with your spouse in terms of making very important decisions.

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So if you have some notes, a question you might want to discuss this afternoon, you can write that down, I will have one other thing most common control techniques.

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So these are the four most common control by compliance. You go along with what your spouse wants, saying you want to avoid conflict in reality, however, you you use constant acquiescence to feel like you control your spouse

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because you know that elicits a certain response. And again, this emanates from your neffs

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control by instilling guilt or fear. You make threats to leave or withdraw financial support, you give your partner the silent treatment or use tears, blame or sarcasm to make your points. You complain or use illness to get your way. not healthy at all.

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control by indifference.

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You shut your spouse out in various ways.

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Again, by way of control, control by indecision, you refuse to state how you really feel or what you want, thus forcing your spouse to make decisions for you.

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Which again, is a control technique. So reflect on who might use these or why they might use them. And then how these behaviors conform to Islamic ideals, not Islamic norms. Muslims do these things as we all know.

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But what are the ideals of Islam? The most important is we do things to please Allah subhanho wa Taala

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and we do things to help each other to bring their behavior into respectively into conformance with those standards established by law so help your brother rather he or she is no presser all pressed.

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So we know how to help him or message you have a lot he's an oppressed as he's oppressed. How do we help them if he's an oppressor so by

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going in knocking him off know by helping him to cease his oppression? Because the The objective is not having oppression? Yeah, a bed in Harlem to vote Milan FC Watch out to Ben Kuma harana Fela tovala Mu so my servants and NATO professional Bennett forbidden for myself and I made it forbidden amongst you, therefore don't oppress one another. So the objective is getting rid of oppression not oppressing each other and an effort to

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get to get rid of oppression.

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So as we said, the ends do not justify the means we want to get rid of oppression so I'm going to oppress you.

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Which might get rid of you all together good. There won't be no more oppression. Now we want to get rid of the oppression if we can do that.

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And help the oppressor to become a beneficence. magnanimous person, that's all the better

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that's it

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guiding people. We don't want to get rid of copper by getting rid of all the catheters.

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You with me?

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We don't want to get rid of copper by getting rid of all the catheters. That's not the way the Prophet sola Selim is the war we went and read about Amr vinil as being a companion. We want to read about hynd being a companion. We went and read about Abu sufian being a companion. We went and read about Khalid bin alwaleed being a companion, Cephalon Miss rule, the unsheathed sort of a lot because why they will all pressors they will all characters, they fought the Prophet sola Selim, they killed his companions. They chewed on Hans's liver, one of them and right.

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So, but the objective wasn't to get rid of the Kaffirs. If there was fat he Mecca would have been one of the most bloody days in history. When 10,000 10,000 strong Muslim army descended on on Mecca. And the coup for the non believers, disbelievers were totally at the mercy of the of the Muslims. And now we will purify this land of course, for once and for all. Get the swords out Bismillah

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that test three bionic ammonium and tune to law. There is no blame on you today, you're free go about your business. Because the objective is to get people to believe and not to get rid of people. And lo and behold What happened? They all believed in very short order. That's what it's all about. There's a lot of room in paradise.

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So we don't have to keep anybody out.

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We should try to get as many people in as possible.

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Because there's a lot of room in paradise. Okay, moving right along here being Money Smart. A lot of our problems are rooted in as we mentioned yesterday, not lack of money, but mismanaging money. So again, we should be very judicious and have a very healthy view of money. First of all, by understanding

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money is just one of the things of this world is nothing

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to die for. And it's nothing to kill for. And then well then known as you know, to hire to do a autosol hot hire on and Arabic So Adam Oh, hi Ron and Allah, that wealth and children are the adornments of this worldly life, the lasting reward from the good deeds that you do that is best with your Lord as a reward. And that's the best thing to hope for. So how many Benjamins we have in the bank

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isn't going to benefit us your middle kiama how we used those Benjamins. That's what's going to be of benefit. How do we use our money? Do we use it to earn the web?

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for ourselves? That's what's important. Understanding that again, this material world so sometimes we think happiness is going to come if I have a bigger haul house, a bigger car, fancier clothes, and the whole gamut of things that doesn't bring happiness. And why does it bring happiness because it doesn't mean anything was the last time

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no candidate did dunia tidy Lu and Allahu Jana had that old law mess Safar Catherine Minh has shorter button that if this world meant as much to a law as the mosquitoes when

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he wouldn't have given and an arrogant rejecter of this faith a single drop of water to drink but it doesn't mean anything to them. So he gives it freely to him so every pleases so something that means nothing to a loss upon Allah tala is not appropriate to overwhelm our hearts

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it's a belittling of our stature of a believer, if we allow something that means nothing to a lot Tyler to mean the world to us is not appropriate.

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Is that fit dunya your head Bukola was head female and unless you have brokenness, so divorce yours your heart from the world and allow will love you and divorce your heart from desiring the things that the people possess and the people will love you.

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So again, if we have wealth is

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Good. We've mentioned this yesterday, that's one of the people we can envy the word wealthy person who spends his or her money and the wealth of law. That's wonderful. But if we don't match our law, as long as we're getting by and most will get by Allah tala is merciful.

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inshallah, the dunya should be in our hand and not in our heart. Why, because if it's in our hand and not in our heart, if circumstances takes it out of our hand, it's it's it's lost will not affect the state of our hearts. But if the dunya is in our hearts, and in our hands, and circumstance takes it from our hand is going to affect our heart. And that's not a good thing. Now, this is just general attitude, motivation, want to look at some specifics related to managing money. And as you look at this list of things, note that everything on this list, these are the things that usually lead to money problems in relationships, and they're all all of them except one, they're all

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forbidden. So what are these things? Let's take a look at them. The rule of money problems.

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First is consumerism.

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consumerism is haram is forbidden to waste money.

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Those who waste and squander they are the brothers of Satan.

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The brothers of Satan

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is not only forbidden, is destroying our planet.

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So we have to have a closet full of clothing, most of which we wear one time, and then replenish that every three months as the season Oh, we have to get our new spring wardrobe. Now we have to get our summer wardrobe. Now after we get our fall wardrobe. We have to get ready ready for winter? said would you have thick clothes, your fall clothes are thick. I know. But they're not winter colors.

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As well as all this world these resources coming from and where's all the waste? That is involved in their production? And then they're discarding? What is it all going it's all coming from the earth and it's polluting and clogging up the earth. And we're cutting now more forests. We're cutting down more. We're using more water we're using we're polluting the ocean with they're becoming massive dumps and junkyards we're poisoning the lens. And as a result, the ice caps are melting the fire the force of burning down, we haven't had a blue sky here in California for almost a month of 1700 wildfires.

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And clear why because there was no rain this spring, there wasn't a single drop of rain after January.

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So now the whole year is fire season

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as opposed to a few months.

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And so anyway, a lot of that is how we are engaging in and relating to the planet that we live on. And a lot of that goes to consumerism that use the

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drive thru or neighborhoods. When you drive through all parts of your from this area, or neighborhood you see these little houses like little boxes. whole families lived in those houses, then drive through new neighborhoods. See is big houses.

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Two or three stories and big rooms that all Little House have one bathroom.

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Their new house has three bathrooms. And the owner demands a third bathroom.

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I'm not moving into a house with two and a half bathrooms

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as you and your husband and two children.

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I mean how many bodies can be on a potty at one time?

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I mean,

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there's three while I'm talking about how many times in the life of this family. Is everyone gonna have an irrepressible urge at the same time.

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So we need a potty for everybody.

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It's insane.

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It is insane. I mean, how much room Do you need to cook?

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Yeah, corner space to the right corner space.

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To the front, counter space to the left to the left, and counterspace to the rear.

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To quote for for people to start our army out there that's getting fed

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is ridiculous. And but these become the selling points

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that become the justification for building for using more resources. And why to just make money. It's all consumerism, it's all haraam brothers and sisters. interests, big problem buying things on credit. Gil Scott Heron said this before some of you heard it, while it goes say you can take part in the all American dream, just build this fill your house up with a million products you don't need, you don't even have to use them. Buying is all they ask of you. And if it's so doggone incredible, that you don't believe is true as Madison Avenue. They sell sand to a man in a desert. They sell tuna to the chicken of the sea.

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And a lot of is financed by interest.

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Credit that's it's all it all goes together. The development of widespread credit, coupled with consumerism, making these things accessible to the masses,

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making these things accessible to the masses.

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So we can produce more and make more money with no consideration of the consequences not only for the earth, but for the human being himself or herself. What is all this spending do to us if ancient man was defined by the ability to think so I think therefore I am homosapien we've become homo consumers. I spend therefore I am and to accommodate my spending. I use credit because I have credit cards. home Oh creditors.

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I'm in debt therefore I am.

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Unwanted debt. Which is haram.

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Necessary debt is one thing on warning that is forbidden, even unnecessary debt. Initially the prophets Allah Selim didn't pray janazah for people in debt, who died and had debts. And that's why one of the uses of their cat was for what what do you mean are people in debt to pay their debts off. And one theory is horrible are off the people of the heights, so they don't have the sins. So they don't they're not from the people of Jenna, of jahannam of hell, but they're not yet entered into paradise. So they're on the rocks, they're on the heights.

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Some scholars say those other people who die and they died in debt,

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and no one paid their debt. So as a result, the case is in limbo.

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So that's warranted that

00:38:19--> 00:38:40

way, which is necessary, and there's Sharia justification. unwarranted that is haram. Don't put yourself into debt without a valid reason. But just abide because I wanted to get one of these things. shaaka walk around and share my music with other peoples are walking on the street.

00:38:42--> 00:38:44

So I went into debt, don't film that.

00:38:47--> 00:38:52

That's unwarranted. If you can afford one if you must have one, pay cash,

00:38:53--> 00:39:09

pay cash for everything that you can afford. If you can't wait until you can pay cash. And that's how people used to live. I'll give you proof of that proof of that. That's how people used to live you pay attention and sorry, back there.

00:39:11--> 00:39:23

proof of that, that people use to pay cash for everything. I'm going to give you daleel know what the source is rather and sorry, the temptations?

00:39:26--> 00:39:27

Well, they say

00:39:28--> 00:39:38

if you see something you want, and you know you can afford it, then the very best thing for you to do is start saving for it.

00:39:40--> 00:39:44

That's right, that's the temptations Sahih Motown

00:39:50--> 00:39:53

he forgot in a round know about that.

00:39:54--> 00:39:59

If you see something you want and you know you can afford it, the very best thing for you to do

00:40:00--> 00:40:01

Start saving for it

00:40:03--> 00:40:55

as the Joneses got a new car today keeping up with the Joneses and sorry, remember that keep that song keeping up with the Joneses just put the Mets in there Muslims do it. Most of them will keep up with the Joneses we keep up with the admits so as a substitute is keeping up with the ultimates is gonna make your life a mess. bill collectors tranquilizers are gonna put you deeper in debt You better leave the nuts alone. The IMS got a new car today what you should say Hooray for the ultimate. Instead you worry to your whole head turns gray. Let's pray for the kids because it's their car and they're the ones who have to pay so leave the comments alone. This and Muslims don't

00:40:55--> 00:41:03

make believe we don't have those issues. Gambling is haram a lot of people financial trouble gambling haram

00:41:04--> 00:41:15

credit is dangerous credit is in haraam. interest based credit is horombo credits not haram but it's dangerous. I said they're all haram except one.

00:41:17--> 00:41:25

Drugs are haram how many people money problems because one or the others a drug addict? Drugs are haram

00:41:27--> 00:41:30

alcohols haram alcohol is expensive

00:41:32--> 00:41:38

is expensive. That's why so many people get liquor stores Muslims

00:41:39--> 00:41:53

as well they tell me anyway I talked to him now Why are you selling liquor brother this in you show me some way I can make money by like I can make selling to alcohol I give up they become a heroin dealer.

00:41:55--> 00:42:04

If that's your logic, why why are you messing around with alcohol if you're gonna sell heroin things that people don't make money? Sell heroin to make some real money?

00:42:08--> 00:42:19

right if that's your calculus, why are you messing around with alcohol you should be a crack dealer. Selling cocaine heroin make some real money with your haraam behavior.

00:42:21--> 00:42:29

Then we'll have a comeback for that when brother telling me one thing I can do to make money like I make with the alcoholic give it up. Crack and heroin.

00:42:32--> 00:42:52

And hamdulillah one of our brothers on Market Street in Oakland gave up alcohol and now sells fresh produce some you might have seen it in the paper as the market and 56th street called patronize the brother if not just go on there and give them a hug. sisters have someone substitute for you.

00:42:54--> 00:42:57

Tell them this from me but my husband I'll give you the hug

00:42:58--> 00:43:05

because that's an accomplishment. We should encourage people do the right thing. Just as we discourage the wrong thing.

00:43:06--> 00:43:12

Cigarettes haram all my teachers said it was haram hamdulillah none of them smoked either.

00:43:14--> 00:43:17

You get the fat while you know the Philip Morris fatwah.

00:43:21--> 00:43:32

That night, I was told as har issued a fatwa saying cigarettes were haram a couple years ago and certain powers twisted their arms and they revoked the federal law.

00:43:33--> 00:43:42

Like someone got on the phone host knew what you're doing. Don't you know Philip Morris completed a $2 million to my reelection campaign.

00:43:43--> 00:43:44

Oh, sorry.

00:43:45--> 00:43:59

Okay, trying to please others before pleasing Allah subhanho wa Taala is haram and a lot of money is wasted trying to please others. You mentioned keeping up with the Joneses.

00:44:01--> 00:44:14

Spending money get a new car house because all the people in the community are getting new houses. We are all houses fine. So do something to please a law like staying out of debt.

00:44:15--> 00:44:59

A lot bless you to get out from under one mortgage while you're gonna put yourself in and to another one. You've been blessed. So a lot of maybe I'll forgive you for the first one. There were difficult circumstances. You're gonna have a hard case to make for the second one. First one, my family grew and expanded the rental market. It was crazy. I couldn't find any place big enough for five kids. That's why I did the mortgage. A lot of times merciful. What about the second mortgage? We already had the house. You had ample move. As a matter of fact, the kids will grow now and all moved out living on their own. You could have downsized to a two bedroom apartment. stead you upgraded

00:45:01--> 00:45:07

To a mansion, now you have a big empty house, you have to ride those two wheeled things to get around the house.

00:45:10--> 00:45:12

So hon Allah,

00:45:13--> 00:45:15

how La quwata illa Billah

00:45:17--> 00:45:21

the cure for money problems. So if we find those things

00:45:22--> 00:45:25

weighing down on us, what are some cures?

00:45:27--> 00:45:32

Get all of the above mentioned things out of your life. That's the ultimate cure.

00:45:33--> 00:45:54

If you have drugs in your life, get it out alcohol in your life, get it out, unwarranted debt, get rid of it, credit, get rid of except what's absolutely essential interest, get rid of it. Pay everything by cash, you know how much money you will make and save if you just buy things with cash.

00:45:56--> 00:46:32

So getting those things out of one's life. Second thing do financial your financial planning as a team, one has to plan for one's financial future. A lot of times we get into financial problems, because we don't plan we just live in go with the financial flow. And then we find out there's nothing to flow with. Because there was no planning. We have to plan Omar rhodiola on some says Heidi's Buddhists s are saying attributed to Omar

00:46:34--> 00:46:40

FirstNet Ted dear Miss fool myesha the good planning is half of your life

00:46:42--> 00:46:58

FirstNet Ted veer this fool marysia good planning is half of your livelihood. So we have to plan and we should sit down as a team husband wife sit down and plan and we're going to talk about that in a minute inshallah to Allah,

00:46:59--> 00:47:11

try as much as possible to put your money into purchasing gold. So darling dollars are becoming increasingly worthless.

00:47:13--> 00:47:14

So

00:47:15--> 00:47:23

put money in precious metals. Some people say gold is losses value two years ago was $600.

00:47:24--> 00:47:39

For an ounce knows 1200 an ounce gold hasn't lost this value, the dollar is half of the value it was. So now it takes 1200 of them to buy what you can buy with 602 years ago, gold is stable.

00:47:41--> 00:47:43

So think about purchasing gold

00:47:44--> 00:47:56

as a hedge against the future. If you're in this area, this is for Silicon Valley people. Like companies, they won't give you your full worth and salary, they'll offer you their stock.

00:47:58--> 00:48:03

If that stock is not worth anything, don't take it.

00:48:04--> 00:48:06

Give me Give me some money.

00:48:08--> 00:48:09

Preferably some gold.

00:48:12--> 00:48:20

But I mean, about six years ago, there was a massive depression in this Masjid, when that.com bubble burst,

00:48:22--> 00:48:26

and all that stock was worth nothing. You didn't want to be at MCA.

00:48:28--> 00:48:40

It was doom and gloom around here. hamdulillah no one jumped off the Bay Bridge or anything like that, or the Dumbarton bridge. But there was some depression that was wrong, brother.

00:48:42--> 00:48:44

My stock is worthless.

00:48:45--> 00:48:54

hamdulillah most people recover losses, merciful. But getting value for whatever work that you do.

00:48:55--> 00:48:59

And finally trust then a law that's supposed to be a five by the way.

00:49:01--> 00:49:03

12343

00:49:05--> 00:49:06

we'll fix it.

00:49:07--> 00:49:47

But trust in a law because understand at the end of the day, if we have a peace of mind, that's the most valuable wealth we can have. Hello, Hina Renan neffs that real wealth is the wealth of the soul and the wealth of the heart. So trust in a lot that a lot title will suffice us trust in a law that if we avoid the things that are Haram, even though superficially it might seem that we're missing out on something of this world, or we're impoverishing ourselves, in the long run will be richer spiritually and materially. In the long run, I guarantee you.

00:49:50--> 00:49:59

Alon mentions in the Quran, Romania, to what Allah Allah Lofa, who has boo, whoever puts their trust in a law, a law suffices them

00:50:00--> 00:50:07

So again, it's a question Do we believe that or don't we, if we believe it will trust in the law

00:50:08--> 00:50:23

and if we trust in a law with the fullness of our heart, Allah subhanho wa Taala he will suffice us. guarantee you are many tawakkol Allah law for what has moved. True or false. It's true. A law said.

00:50:24--> 00:50:25

It's true.

00:50:26--> 00:50:31

So then we're blessing in our Benjamins. So,

00:50:32--> 00:50:40

inshallah we'll all leave here. Happy and well fed. Santa Monica alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh