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Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala see didn't were sinning while and he was Samuel send them to steam and kathira Robin Allah can hand Kamehameha he gelati which hc will have the missile ponic supersonic airliners Ethan and olika antika method Italia netic Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barik ala Sayidina Muhammad wala, and he was talking to Salim salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
This session is entitled Islam marriage in the family.
The focus is on marriage. But there is benefit for all sorts of relationships. So as I said, the focus is on marriage, but there's information that inshallah will prove beneficial in all of your relationships. So if you're not married, you don't have to leave now, if you do Hamdulillah, you won't get a refund.
So the the emphasis on marriage, but the relevance is for all relationships.
So that we wanted to mention that. All right, so we have an interactive program. The first part, this first session is more theoretical, less interactive, but
from their own be interactive. And even here, there are a couple exercises. So you have a workbook here, the workbook, it contains a couple tests, quizzes, exercises, and then you have an appendix and the appendix contains all of the references from the Quran and the Sunnah that are mentioned in the presentation.
The main reason for this is if you want to go back and find that particular hadith of verse and examine it in greater detail, it's a guide for you also, in the presentation, maybe we could turn just leave these couple lights up here off. If that's possible, we'll have to unleash the non technologically challenged again, and leave the lights over there on Yeah, that's it. Can you get one more set of lights on?
Yeah, you guys are kinda in the dark. We don't want anyone to be in the dark,
except the screen.
I guess we could work with this level of lighting. So anyway, so
in the presentation, you don't have the brackets to indicate the verses, or the parentheses to indicate the Hadith. So it might be a little confusing, but here you can clearly see what is an area from the Quran, and what is the Hadith.
So we're gonna give you an overview, inshallah, of
of the program, what we'll be doing this weekend. So again, the program is entitled, Islam marriage and the feminine, within emphasis on marriage. So what we're going to be doing is, first of all, the first session is an Islamic overview of marriage and the family. That's the first session. So we're going to look at marriage, family relations, again, with an emphasis on marriage, from an Islamic perspective. And that overview is based on the Quran and
the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and some of the legislative rulings from the collective body of jurisprudence are sick. So that's the first session the second session, which will be
the noon session. And it might go over into the afternoon session, deals with looking at some of the aphorisms of Hc heckum, of a miniata illa. From a
marriage friendly reading. So we're going to look at how we can get insight from our tradition, with a special emphasis on our spiritual tradition to help us function better in the context of our families. So that's the second thing we'll be doing then the third thing which will take the
Balance of today. And all of tomorrow, we'll be examining the seven secrets of a happy marriage. The reason we're doing that an increasingly large number of marriages are unhappy. And also,
there's a lot of information relationships, in general, people are learning are increasingly unable to relate to each other. In a healthy fashion, a lot of that is. So it's said, with mediated reality, we relate so much with screens. And from a distance that our, our face to face interactions, our ability to interact on a face to face basis is distorted. I'll give you an example.
write a really nasty email to someone
from the comfort of their bedroom.
And then they'll see him face to face Hassan.
And oh seven. So
the interaction face to face is totally different from the interaction through mediated reality.
increasingly affect our ability to relate with each other. And so our relationships in general, not just marriage, sometimes are strained as a result of that. So we're going to examine those and very quickly, what are those seven secrets. The first is to deepen trust. The second is to communicate effectively, we all hear these things.
Manage one's anger. So one might get angry, but one should not lose control of oneself during the process, hence, fighting fair. So you get in your squabbles once in a while, but anger shouldn't dominate, and lead to
lack of fairness, diffusing power struggles. The next one
being Money Smart. A lot of times, marriages go sour because of financial problems. And in many cases is not a lack of money is poor money management. So we're going to look at how one can more effectively manage one's money, make love not war, should be self explanatory. And then team up teamwork. A marriage is
a team, a couple have the function as a team,
not as two individuals. Because as as single people, we're individuals, we do what we want. When we get married, we have to form a team.
It's a new team.
And the team has the function as a team. And if it functions as two individuals there's going to be they're going to be problems. Now what we do with these seven,
to emphasize that
these things are all advocated for by the Sharia, by the Divine Law. So each of these sections we introduced with the section that's based on Quran and Sunnah,
to show, and to emphasize the fact that indeed, these things are rooted in our religious teachings, our fundamental religious teachings, and if we as Muslims function
as Muslims, in the context of our relationships, be that parent, child, child, parent, husband, wife, friend, friend, then we will have much healthier relationships. So it's good to have insight to have guidance to have direction
from secular studies, and this was based on these seven were based on a study that was done and then the results will compiled in the book. And the advice as we're indicating here is very much consistent with Islam. So we'll go through the conclusions that the authors who took that study arrived at but also will introduce that with basic fundamental teachings from our religion to show again, once again, if we are functioning as Muslims. A lot of our problems will be if not solved, minimized.
Had the hadith of brotherhood, where the Prophet mentioned sallallahu wasallam that has to do with letter Niger, Shu letter basil do a letter dabboo workqueue A bateau la cuenta. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is giving us advice about Muslim Brotherhood or sisterhood, whatever the case may be.
And so he says, don't envy one another, don't raise the prices against one another, just to harm the person. Don't
hate one another. Don't turn your backs to each other will lay the ababu Kamala Bay a bad I didn't say that a minute ago. And then he says and don't enter into a transaction once your brother or sister I've entered into it. Well, Kunal, a bad or law hit when be used servants of a law brothers. So the wording here is very important. If we could just take a moment to emphasize this part of the Hadith, the whole Hadith in other context,
while kuno a bad Aloha, quaner be you servants of a law brothers. The messages if we're servants of a law will be brothers, if we're servants of a law will be sisters. Because there's nothing in our submission to the rules and regulations and etiquettes and principles of Islam, that would bring about immunity between us. So if we are servants of Allah will be brothers, if we're servants of Allah will be healthy husbands and wives to each other.
Brothers, husbands, sisters wives, is the Bay Area. It gets confused sometimes.
Brothers husbands, sisters, wives, okay. clear on that point.
And haven't really left Alhamdulillah All right, so we're gonna start with the The first of these
an overview of marriage, in Islam and family. So first of all, a loss of our marriage is the foundation of the
marriage is the foundation of the family.
I'm willing to the fact that we were created in pairs you weren't created individual. individually. We're not asexual, not asexual, I guess you say asexual like an earthworm. earthworm has everything in the single Earth long he needs
to call it he or she? It needs to reproduce itself. So it doesn't need men and a war on a woman earthworm. earthworm has everything he or she needs. Human beings don't.
We were created in pairs. So for us to reproduce ourselves as a species for our us to perpetuate our existence. We have to come together as pears.
There's no other way about it. How many of you heard of the shakers? Not the shakers? The shakers? The religious group? Okay. Quite a few of you. What's your name? Sir? Red striped shirt. Yes, sir.
Malik. Malik medic. What what's unique about the shakers
they were abstinent. They're also known for the simple but very high quality.
craftsmanship. So the the best of the best antique furniture most valuable early American antique furniture is shaker furniture. Very simple, but beautiful. But as Malik said they were absolutely the shakers did not really believe in procreation. So as you can guess the shakers had a very short career.
Because they were abstinent, they married but they didn't have any conjugal relations. So after generation, there were no more shakers. There were sackers but no shakers.
The shakers weren't good bakers. So as a result, they disappeared. So as human beings if we don't come together
in pairs, we will disappear. So Islam facilitates that.
And divine the sanction that orient Islam referring from the very beginning of the religious quest. In any case,
A lot of Tyler mentions in the core and the fact that we will create it in pairs. Yeah, you have nurse taco Rob Docomo lady Holla
Holla. Carmen has oj hair. But that's the men who marry Jaylen casiotone when he says, but taco la la de tous una de Waal our ham in the LA County alikoum. Rocky that. So that's actually in the back of the book and the various texts, so you don't have to write the area down.
The important thing here, a lot of Tyler mentions, He created us from a single soul, and then from that soul made its mate. And then from those two sent forth multitudes of men and women. So
we were created from that first pair, and from that pair of multitude of men and women went forth, and the two
are distinct. The men and the woman are distinct. A lot of Tyler mentions in the Quran while he says that guru can answer. So at this point, we're going to do our first exercise. This exercise is designed to highlight the distinction between the man and the woman. And again, this is something that a lot some modern philosophies of life, try to deny. They want all of us to be equal, and everything. They won't want women to be truck drivers and jackhammer operators.
And this thinking was really epitomized,
except in the political realm by the Communist Party. And so if you look at the Soviet Union, they have women, truck drivers and soldiers and jackhammer operators. And I mentioned jackhammer operators for a reason. So everyone knows what a jackhammer is. So when you downtown,
most of the Soviet Union, the jackhammer operators ended up with collapse the uteruses.
That's a study.
And obviously, the men didn't end up with collapse. uteruses. The men don't have uteruses. Well, they said, that crew can own fat. And that is very important for us to realize that. So if you open up the booklet, to page one,
we have the brain sex test. So take a couple minutes and just go through these 10 questions.
take a couple minutes go through these 10 questions.
All right, everyone scored. Alright, so here we're going to assess the scores.
Not done yet.
Who is not done? Raise your hand.
Don't be shy. lonely. What?
Take your time, take your time. We just set this up here. Alright, so here we have
the scoring. Let me move this kind of put it right in the middle here.
That pillar is kind of in the way there. All right.
All right. Let's make a few categories here.
Allah so we'll go the
well below zero
to 20 or wait a minute.
Let me just make a separate thing.
All right. So
you know zero to 20. All right, how many sisters scored below zero? It is possible because minus five for C got bunch of sees you below zero. below zero to 20. How many sisters in that category?
No sisters. Okay. Our brothers below zero to 20 how many brothers raise those hands high. Matter of fact stand up. It's not it's no indictment against what stand up so we can count you better. All right. 123456 brothers. And would you say there's about an equal number of brothers and sisters in here about
Annie, Yanni about young.
Okay, sisters from 21 to 40. And he sisters 21 to 40. I stand up sisters. Don't be shy, yellow stand up. It's nice. It's there's nothing
There's no failing or passing here stand up so we can count you stand up and be counted two sisters, Mashallah. Mashallah. Mashallah I brothers from 21 to 40 Stand up, stand up and be counted
12345678 you got an eighth right there?
Oh, okay you over there with your wife's like we're in this together
eight brothers okay Masha Allah. Okay, from 41 through 60 how many sisters 41 through 60 stand up sisters 41 through 60 stand up and be counted 123456 we got six sisters from 41 through 60 are brothers from 41 to 60 Allah Stand up, stand up 41 through 60 sit down once you count it 1-234-567-8910 1112 1314 got any over there? 14 brothers. Okay, 14 brothers.
Okay, from 61
through 80 All right, how many sisters from 61 through 80 stand up sisters 61 through 80 Yes, indeed. 60 131 Sit down. 23456 don't sit down until I count to six. You're number six. Yeah. 788-910-1112
you 12 you sat down to so 1313 sisters here.
All right. How many brothers from 61? To 80? Stand up. All right. 12345. Brothers from 61 to 85. Brothers.
from 81 through 100. How many sisters from 81? through 100. Stand up sisters 81. Through 101 81. Through 100.
was so funny. It knows stand up violent culture. Yeah.
I did. 81 through 100 I didn't stand up. I didn't say 181 through 100. Stand up. I did.
I did it. You guys are messing with me. Anyway, let's start all over at one through 100. Sisters stand up. One now sit down. 2344566 sisters 81 through 100. Any brothers 81 through 100.
No. Oh, you're another sister. Oh, you're number seven. Number eight. We are so we have eight sisters that hiding over there. I'm sorry. I wasn't even looking.
All right. So we have eight how many brothers 81 to 100. Stand up. One brother representing Come on, stand up represent with pride. srei 81 to 100. Okay, we had two sisters over here representing All right, any sisters over 100
sisters over 100 check that out 1-234-567-8910.
Now, without the extra five point there would have been here there would have been 18. Here, let's put 18 in parenthesis. But we're just emphasizing
something here. Now can you see some clear differentials here? Can you see an inverse scoring here is very clear. Whereas here we have six brothers, no sisters, eight brothers, two sisters, 14 brothers. So six times here, twice here,
over twice here. Now look what happens here. We get half as many brothers over half a third
of the number of brothers here one eighth. Or if you take away those five extra points, one 18th. And here, no brothers 10 times as many sisters. So this test is is designed to highlight the different ways that the male and female brain functions and on the
bases of brain function, a variety of other differences
manifest themselves, which emphasizes the Quranic truth when they said Zachary can unset the male is not like the female, we are different. And so we have different needs. Sometimes there's a marriage problem, and we think there's a catch all solution. Sometimes there are female centric solutions, brothers, your wife needs some TLC, but TLC from a female centric perspective. And sometimes sisters, your husband, or your soon to be husband needs some husband, TLC, from a male centric perspective.
there's a there's a book that deals with this called amazing womanhood that looks at how a woman can bring out the best in her husband, after a man sent me a book was that book outdoorsman, Laurie, Laura slash ginger was was
the proper caring and feeding of husbands and spirit and is based on this right? is based on look, Mel men have specific needs, you have to treat them a certain way.
And if you do, you'll get a lot more out of him.
In noise, now, I'm not even going to say this, because people get the wrong idea.
Boss it anyway.
I'm not gonna say
you always say,
it's like the dog whisperer.
You know, the guy with this, you got to hold the leash a certain way and walk with authority. If you and if you do, then your dog
then they may do it. It goes both ways.
goes both ways. Brothers, you have to give your wife female centered attention.
Otherwise, and one of the big reasons we have so many problems in our society is this whole myth of equality. So the male and female are equal, they love the same things. They act the same way. They think the same way. They function the same way. And it's only our acculturation that creates these differences is only the fact that we give girls dolls, when they're little when we give boys Tonka trucks, that they begin to acculturated in different kinds of ways. This sort of study argues to the contrary, that is not acculturation that male, the male and female are different. So if we don't acknowledge that we're going to create some disastrous public policies.
Let me erase this. I'm going to put a book up here if you're interested. And looking at some of the ways public policy has worked to destroy the family here.
recommend a book I put it on the board here.
The Great American
haven in a heartless world
highly recommend that book. Alright, let's move on here. So
so we mentioned the male and female were created in pairs, and they're coming together is the basis of the family now that coming together should
generate peace and tranquility.
That's what a lot of Thailand tended. So we mentioned in the Quran within put the verse up here woman, Yeti, and Haleakala, Coleman and Fujifilm as well as at the test school la have a jalapeno coma what their war Russia in the feed le Kayla a tiller homea de facto rune that from amongst his signs is created for you from yourselves, spouses in order that you live together with them and peace and tranquility, the test school Illa so the coming together of the men and
The woman should be a source of mutual peace and tranquility.
It should be a source of mutual peace and tranquility. And
but sometimes it doesn't work out like that because shaytaan intervenes Satan is real.
And we should act like he's real.
We should act act like he act like he's real. So tacky Zoo Allah tala mentioned in Quran, Fattah huizhou adware. treat him like an enemy. You know, don't mess around with Satan if you have an enemy out there. If you know if someone told you, when you walk out of these doors, there's someone waiting to ambush you.
So be aware. You're not going to just walk out the door, open the door walk out.
You're going to be on guard. You hear a noise Well,
you got to be on guard. Because you know someone's out to do you harm.
You know someone's out to do you harm. Someone's trying to ambush you. shaytaan Satan is trying to ambush us.
He says it a law relates it in the Quran. He's trying to ambush us. And his greatest delight was the greatest joy of Satan. What does he love more than anything else?
Hmm. Breaking up marriages divorce.
Satan loves that more than anything else.
One of the things he and his dupes learned from the angels at Babel Hello route one route for your talamona min Houma. They learn from those two angels how route were my route. Now you follow the corner be he Ben and mark it was a soldier, that which soul strife indeed and dissension between the man and his wife. So they're experts at it. And when you're dealing with an expert, you have to take special measures and precaution.
You have to take special measures and precaution.
And Satan is an expert. He was an apprentice. he mastered the craft. And then what are two things that lead to
Two things you want to be an expert at anything what are the two essential ingredients? Yes, sir.
Well, that's the consequence of expertise. good results. JD Power says yes. straight on his number one marriage record. JD Power and Associates. He gets the golden seal. Yes, sir.
knowledge and experience none as I think one of the sisters said it also eat the brothers and sisters each get 10 points. as brothers, we're going to have competition bro, this 10 points 10 points, his knowledge and expertise. So shaytaan he had good teachers. So he has the knowledge to break up marriage marriages. And he has a lot of expertise. Because he's been doing it since we've been on this planet.
He has 1000s of years of experience.
So a young couples say you know shaytan isn't gonna mess with us.
Remember that person and 12 BC. They want the same kind of awful. We mess them up as expertise. He's been doing this for a long time brothers and sisters. So we have to be aware. So how can we so shaytaan gets into the mix? How can we overcome strife in our relationships, and this is general. He loves direct marriages the worst but he gets great delight from ruining friendships. He loves to see the parents and the children battling BAMs. Like
why did they put the people in the cage and then lock them in and then let them go at it. He loves to put the parents and children in the cage also, and just let them go at it.
So first of all, to get move beyond strife to begin to move beyond strife is to realize this is very important that marriage is the way of the prophets.
Marriages the way of the prophets so the Prophet sallallahu his son mentioned this hadith is out of order the one in the backs in order so the proper order is first and then talk to her I think then see whack when the cat but he said Out Run min. sunon Versa
And higher overthought was the whack when the cash. So four things are from the sunon the tradition, the way of the prophets
shyness. So Muslim is essentially a shy person
in its proper place, shyness
using the perfume
using the tooth stick keeping one's teeth clean. Muslims should never be ashamed to smile, smile and
Don't really smile.
Close your mouth.
See wack cleaning the teeth? Seriously, this is from our son omashola. I'll tell you the people I've never seen.
In Mauritania they constantly use the sea wax so everyone has nice bright white teeth. And they tie it on to the jellybeans is like tied on is dangling. So it's right there ready.
Right is handy.
So see wack and even using the era, which is the stick is very good. Anything qualifies except your finger. And of course object that you can use to clean your teeth qualifies as celiac. But there's special qualities in that tree comes from the Arabian Desert, the Iraq has special qualities and if you massage your gums with that you have healthy gums. And what is research discovered modern research any dentist or cardiologist in here
aspiring dentist and aspiring cardiologist, or just people read a lot numb? Yes.
gum health leads to poor heart health. There's a connection between the healthiness of the mouth and the healthiness of the heart. This is scientifically medically proven. Many studies have come to light in that regard, which it kind of, if that's physically so then it's also going to be spiritually so because why if we're constantly using foul language, slandering people backbiting people, what does that do to our heart? And what does that say about our heart that our heart is
we have a sick heart, because the the mouth is only a translator for the heart.
So So it's very important to realize that marriage is the way of the profits. Now why is this important? And why should this affect our relationships? We have to realize we are carrying this prophetic tradition in a world that's moving away from it. So as Muslims we are carrying We are the heirs of this tradition. We are the ones who've inherited this tradition from the prophets. And so knowing that you're and if we lose it, it's gone.
If we lose it, it's gone.
Stan, so number one, knowing we are carrying this prophetic tradition, we are the heirs of it we are the ones that a lot Tyler has chosen to keep it alive.
So that that should give us a sense of urgency in terms of making the sacrifices necessary to make it work. I'm not going to let the prophets down
just like with our faith, our Qaeda
and our a bad
we want to make sure we represent the process we perfect are a better Well, this is a bad and this is from the Sunnah autobarn min Sunil more stunning and Nikkei marriage. Secondly, Satan wants to oppose all of the agenda objectives established by Allah subhanho wa Taala. So we should not want to give into Satan who wants to be one of Satan's Dukes raise your hand how many sisters want to be a dupe of Satan?
Where are those hands? Of course no one's going to raise brothers course. No yeah I do I want to be a dupe of say
no, I don't want to be on but as a drama Tez ation to make the
I don't want to be a dupe of Satan or overlap. So we should try not to allow Satan to underline objectives in life and religion that Allah subhanho wa Taala has established for human beings.
How do we do that? Number one, by having a purpose in life, some of us are just drifting, the wind blows this way, we go this way, wind blows this way, we go this way.
Wind blows from the front, we go back, wind blows from the back, we go for no purpose, we just drifting. If we have a purpose, here's a great purpose, I want to defend the way of the profits.
Then one of their ways is marriage, I want to defend that I want to defend miswak.
keeping a clean mouth, I want to defend shyness. So in my general relations, I'm not going to be forward in people's faces.
imposing my view on people, I want to be shy and reserved.
So to have a purpose, to know that we are tested that life is not trial free. This life is a test.
You know, they test the product before they put it on the market.
They test it first, right? They don't Well, they used to see a different kind of world.
Nowadays, if you pay off the FDC, you don't know what you might get.
What is it? FTC, FDA, Food and Drug Administration FDA? Pay him $10 million dollars, get your product out there. But generally, they test things before they put it on the market to make sure it's worthy of being on the market.
And so a lot of talent test us before it puts us in Jannah
to make sure we're worthy of being in Jenna.
So this life is the test phase. This is the laboratory
and genda is the market.
This is where the test occur. Once you out once the products out on the market, there's no more tests. And if the tests have been sincere and truthful, you have a good product.
So if we get
sincere, truthful tests will be suitable for genuine people are tested according to what
faith, people are tested according to their faith.
Higher the faith, the harder the test.
And so those people who have the most faith and endure the hardest test, they're most suitable for paradise, just as the product that it that undergoes the most rigorous tests is most suitable for
the market. If you know this car they wrote in and over bumps and rocks and just for for hours and hours. That is got a good strong suspension system. This one How do you test this? This car went over 10 speed bumps in Oakland at five miles an hour.
What does that tell you about the suspension as opposed this test when this car went through a test driving 50,000 miles on a track filled with potholes and bricks and
two foot high speed bumps at 60 miles an hour. And it held up say yeah, I want that. I want one of those. Because we'll fight infrastructure crumbling the way it is you need one of those. You're going to stay on the road.
So we have to know this life is a test about a cat lady bat in milk. Well who either couldn't Nisha in Kadir and Lady holla Mota. Well hi Etta via lucam au Come on Allah. So Allah has created death and life to test us which are best in our actions.
And Islam in a hassy badness and you to Roku, Roku and then our home lay you've done. What 10 ladymum copy him, Salah Yalla Manolo Hola, Dena Sadako, while a lemon and cara de bien do people think they'll be left alone merely saying we believe and not be tested.
So that that the truth embedded in that that verse, that part of the verse, it doesn't disappear when you get married.
So I passed all the tests when I was single, yeah, you pass your biology test.
You passed your physics test, you pass your English test. Now there's a whole new set of tests. Now you're in graduate school.
The tests are a lot harder. They don't disappear. So then a lot of Tyler says, so do people think they'll be left alone merely saying we believe and not be tested. So you're a believer, when you're single, you're a believer, when you're married, you're going to get tested, when you're single, you're going to get tested, when you marry. And we we've tested those who we've preceded them, in order that Allah will show which of you which of them truly believe what the elemental law who led in our sodoku
and in order that he will show which of them are liars, will they an amendment can only be
so understanding that and understanding this is a test of our truthfulness.
Brother, are you patient and patient, whether I'm so patient, people get impatient waiting for me to do stuff?
As our patient and sister are you forbearing Oh, brother, I'm so forbearing. Okay, you're going to get tested, your forbearance is going to get tested, your truthfulness is going to get tested, your fidelity is going to get tested, all of those things are going to get tested. And one of the biggest tests for it is marriage and relationships, marriage and relationships. And it's not so it's not just husband and wives, his parents are a mother.
of so many children, are you patient on patient? Okay? Let's see, when that kid gets 14.
Our patient you thought the tools were terrible.
We'll see our patient you are
you patient, young men, I'm patient. Okay, let's see how patient you are when your dad starts wearing you out
with do this and don't do that. And you can't do this and you can't do that. See, if you're patient, then we're going to be tested. On one understanding this is just an understanding that I thought about the Hadeeth marriages, half of your half of your deen right. And we've heard the Hadith marriage is half of your religion. Now there there are several ways to look at this one way, this is how I look at it.
Half of the religion is theory. So we learn about patience, we learn about forbearance, we learn about
giving preference to others.
When you get married, you have to translate all of that theory into practice
as the other half of your religion, half his theory half his practice. So we shouldn't end up like the brother. I used to do a more but I used to really do a lot of marriage counseling. I mean two in the morning kind of situations is I bring bring
rather you have to come right now. to in the morning.
If you don't I'm gonna kill my husband. All right, where do you live that
now you get there and you think well I gotta go here before we have to call the police or something and then see what's going on here. He or she depending on who's talking. He or she. They want everything their way.
course there's some hyperbole there. Then you say wait a minute.
Didn't you give the lesson in the halaqa last week on ethos or giving preference to others? Our Deen our religion encourages us to give preference to the others for all the law for the quarter and we will see Runa Allah Allah fusi han malo canopy hum kasasa that they give preference to others, even though they themselves are in dire need. So this illustrate how the Sahaba when the Maha jury migrated? The the answer, we're willing to give them their homes and let them live there and give preference to them. Then you give that lesson.
It was me. So why are you complaining that your wife wants things her way? give preference to her like you taught us last week during the Holocaust.
So it's translating that theory into practice, into reality.
That's half that's
Half of the religion so that's my take on it. Of course there are other explanations
again, to realize the nature of this life. What is this life? And sometimes again, it eludes us because we're not washing bodies every day
when someone dies in a Muslim family who are the people most responsible for washing the body, the family members or the masjid body Washington.
The family members well we have the massive body Washington. Brother. My father just died. Watch the body. I don't know how I'm scared to touch him. Don't you have a body Washington? What kind of mess Did you want in over there?
So we're removed from death. We're not washing bodies. We're not burying people. The cemeteries are way out in the boondocks. You know you have to spend with gas being what it is like $100 to go drive out to the cemetery.
This in the old days the family's washing the body who's the most deserving person to lead the janazah prayer, the local Imam or the closest male relative, the closest male relative. So the reality of death should be present.
Birth birth is in some
no light windowless facility called the hospital
births are our should be at home.
births should be at home and should be natural. And then there's community involvement all of the women midwives are there. All the old ladies who've delivered and had babies are there to supervise. But it's a way no family members are there some Doctor No one even knows
that inducing labor according to his schedule today. Okay. Miss Smith. Let's put her in at six o'clock. All right, Miss Abdulla 830.
And so to conform to the schedule reduce labor says serious sections. Are your baby was supposed to be born today? Can we wait? No. Because if you wait, it's gonna cost you another $20,000. So you have to have a C section and we'll get that baby out on schedule.
Suhana law were one the most natural childbirth occur. And childbirth at home is far safer, statistically. How many sisters had natural childbirth at home? Any sisters?
You were there?
As the brothers how many brothers were there? Brother had room was there. One smooth, smooth operation. If you anticipate a potential problem, you alert the hospital. So so they're on standby, but use this smooth operation.
I know many many of my friends when when we were in Syria, most of the sisters had childbirth at home. All of Tao YesI who's here teaching at this Arabic intensive we have all of his children. his two children were born at home. Probably the third one will be also
put when did natural childbirth occur? When was the process so long? It was seldom born
before failure before and around sajer. That's when most natural childbirth occur not 430 in the afternoon, going to the doctor schedule. As for 30, who's up right now.
Why do most natural childbirth occur at that time
because the baby's eyes are weak. And the the sunlight the bright light of the day would damage their eyes. It's a natural reaction. They're weak they can see you know how far the baby If a baby is immediately breastfed.
It will see right away. You know how far they'll see
12 inches, the distance from the breast to the mother's face. That's how far the baby will see.
If he's not breastfed, he'll be blind for a few days. So all these babies that are born in these hospital, they're blind for a few days and people think is normal that aren't breastfed and immediately those neurological reactions start to kick in.
So anyway, so life
His birth, we come into the world.
And then trials and we shouldn't come into the world
with a slap on the backside.
Seriously, and and the umbilical cord shouldn't be cut right away. You know why they slap the baby on the backside? Yes.
You're nodding your head.
No, no, no, no, no. Huh?
Yeah, to get the breathing going, you know why? Because when the baby is first born, he has the clear or she'd the liquid out of their lungs, so they can read that first. So they cut the umbilical cord, and they slept the baby to get the the lungs cleared out.
The baby's umbilical cord is not supposed to be cut right away, because he's still breathing from the blood while he clears the lungs out. So if you don't cut the umbilical cord right away, the baby can breathe and clear the the liquid out of the lungs naturally. And then once he starts breathing, then you cut the umbilical cord. Now what happens? When you snap the baby? They found out how many herds of SIDS How many have heard of SIDS, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome? disproportionately high number of SIDS were occurring in what community in this country,
African American communities Why?
Because the doctors insensitive were slapping the African American babies especially hard.
No, this is recorded.
And as a result, this spinal cords were being damaged. So what was said, said was the spinal cord developing pressure that built up and pinched off the nerves and caused the baby to die.
So it goes back to that snap on the backside, which goes back to cutting the umbilical cord at an unnatural, premature time.
So anyway, so we're born, hopefully in a natural way.
We come into the world, we mature, then we have trials.
We respond to those trials in good or bad ways. And then we die.
And then we're judged.
That's the whole program right there. And so how well we do in the judgment is not based on the trials we have is based on how well we respond to the trials.
How well do we respond to that disobedient child? How will we respond, respond to that recalcitrant wife? How will we respond to that lazy husband? How will we respond to those overbearing parents? How will we respond to that unfaithful friend? That's all life is? birth
trials, responses, death, judgment. That's the whole ballgame right there. And awareness of that helps us to approach life in a healthy manner. awareness that this is it
helps us to approach life in a healthy marriage. Now, at this point move into
some thick issues. How does Islamic Sharia vs Islamic Sharia define marriage? marriages define by the Sharia legally Sharon, joining the male with the female through a contract that makes sexual relations lawful between them. That's marriage. So right away, Sharia, we avoid the problem we've had here in California
is the joining of a male and a female marriage is not the joining of a male with a male
nor female with a female.
So whatever they're doing, it has no validity in Islam.
So this is what marriage is, and we should be cognizant of that. And some people, since we're implicitly less explicitly talked about this for just a minute. Some people might have homosexual tendencies.
Seriously, just like some people might have
unlawful tendencies. So every time someone of the opposite sex walks by their eyes walk with them. Oh,
right. I mean, some people are like that,
though. And in any case, the the heterosexuals have to fight against those tendencies and bring their behavior in conformity with the Divine Law.
Right, and for that struggle, they're rewarded. And people with homosexual tendencies have to fight those tendencies and bring their behavior within come with, within conformity to the divine law. And they're rewarded for that. And the stronger those tendencies are, the greater the reward.
And that's the counsel, you should give if you know someone that's homosexual, or say they have these tendencies, they're fighting, struggle against it, that's your jihad. And the harder it is for you, but it's hard, jihad is hard.
Right? jihad is difficult, the higher your reward will be.
And it's not about it's not about here. It's not about the world, it's about here.
And once if a person struggles and denies themselves in this world, they have unimaginable bliss in the next world, and the next world makes this world renders it totally insignificant. What are our even if we take into account
the lifetime that we spent in the chromosomes of our parents, so think our physical existence didn't begin? When we came into this world,
we were part of the physical the the, we carry something physically, from the sperm and the egg of our parents, then that carries something from their parents from their parents all the way back to Adam and Eve,
not Adam and Steve.
All the way back to Adam and Eve, there's a physical connection. So even if we account for that, so we're not limiting our life to the 6070 8090 years we spend in this world, on average.
Let's take it all the way back to animalis. Allah, whatever that time span is, what is that time conspirator compared to eternity?
It's like a just a speck. What it all was 6070 years compared to eternity. It couldn't even be measured by the.of. This laser
right here under judgment.
Compared to eternity, the distance between this dot and the screen, you wouldn't be able to see this.it would be not measurable compared to eternity, for for this little dot, and our lack of willingness to sacrifice.
to forego to forbear to patiently persevere, we sacrifice the rest of eternity.
For this little.of time, we sacrifice or jeopardize all of the joy, the happiness, the contentment that we will have for the rest of eternity.
We don't think sometimes we don't reflect. So we have to reflect and it helps us to approach life in a healthy manner. So this is marriage marriage join the male with the female through a contract that makes sexual relations legal between them.
What are some of the wisdoms associated with marriage marriage has many many wisdoms.
If you single reflect on these,
first of all is the lawful way to accommodate the natural passions and last, in most people, some people don't have a passionate desire for the opposite sex or gender. Let's say what most people do, and it's not true. A lot of Tyler mentioned in Quran, Zoo iannelli nursery herb Boucher her wet minion Lisa will begin work on our theory on 30 minutes that Vanessa had he was said that he will coil and muscle women he will and army will have very cometary hire to dunia will law and personal man that has been made alluring to people. So it's been made who made it alluring
the love of their passions for women and for women for men
And wealth heaped up hordes of golden silver,
and branded steeds cattle cultivated fills. That is the world with all of this worldly life. So this is natural that most people have a passion and an attraction to the opposite gender. But
we have to govern that by the divine law. And we're going to talk about some things later understanding that we should make it easy for our children,
parents, some parents out here
because man, it was so easy for me to get married, you wouldn't believe
I converted to Islam.
My wife isn't here I can say this.
I converted to Islam. And my wife was actually my girlfriend at the time.
And someone said, Brother, you have to marry her. So I say okay, how do you do that?
So you have to have adultery. So I had this little bitty 1972 Toyota Corolla. Now this is before Toyota, Toyota learn how to make a car right?
This thing is like a little box is kind of cute though.
But it didn't run very well. So I like I said, Could I give her that? Yeah, you could give her that that was the dowry and after I was just Bismillah where's the amendment of witnesses? That was it. But man as I live and learned about the community
Muslims make it hard to get married.
yeah brother Mr. Sister brother like Sister Sister good Muslim brother. Good Muslim. sister loves Brother. Brother loves Muslim. Sister Pakistani brother Bengali no go
they killed our people.
I mean, I wasn't there.
no way you can marry anyone on the face of the earth not a Pakistani
they killed our people. Oh, this Arab Bebo
they killed our people.
I love this system.
Yeah, but I would have to be in laws with her parents.
or parents killed our people.
Everyone Muslim here. What's going on? I mean, make it hard to get married.
Now the scenario brother meet system system is Brother Brother good Muslim sister. Good Muslim brother. Love Sister Sister loves Brother. Brother 25 sister 24 she's too old.
24 Khadija was 40 the Prophet was 25 Well, that was back then.
This is no she's too old.
To Oh, I'm older than her. I know Medina older than her older enough. Venner.
Listen, make it hard to get marry.
That's bad. We're gonna come back to that. Anyway. We're gonna discuss that later on.
But it's natural. So what happens when you can't?
In a healthy easy way? It was easy for this hobby to get married.
ever read some of those stories? It was easy is met each other. Went to the Prophet bismil lab. man said I don't have anything teachers some Quran Bismillah good to give us a still ring. I can't afford a diamond ring. Yo Rasulullah
How about gold? No gold is a silver No. Then give a iron ring.
it was easy for the Sabri and Mary is easy for Congress to get married to each other.
Don't try to cross that line or
the converts get into the Convert lead system. You know, Sr not convert.
Problem converts easy to marry each other and they're a convert.
It was easy.
Rather than says we have to make it easy for our children and some people do 111
Most of those marriages work out, they're happy, they're fine.
But we have issues, you know, it's like marriages, like,
get more of our tribe over here is I bought, you know, I don't even like
whatever. Anyway, get away from that subject. So that's one was the natural way to exercise natural passions and less than one and most people. And here we just threw this in those last are not eliminated by these kind of rigid artificial gender separations that some people think are Islamic. I mean, you read the Hadith, you read the surah or the Sahaba running around passing notes to each other. Oh, brother Anita has their sister something right? No, brother.
There's a lot
you know, you know, column and row gohari, FISA here, and foolin and fuller and fuller and fuller and fuller and Anna had a had as a hobby. Our audience Callum Martin Casa habia for Canterbury Saletan, what da Ghulam alguna for Kalia volum rp head here reseller Illa Tim Keller, Tim Kamara for Adam Gula reseller what they had to call Mara Falco head reseller for karatu kurata. Fatah jobbet. So Han Allah is not there.
Oh, yeah. Translation
is related by a meme Bukhari and his song compilation on the authority of so and so so and so and so and so that one Sahaba wanted to communicate with the female Sahaba. So he wrote a letter. Then he summoned the young men, he said, Young men take this letter, give it to that woman over there. So the young man took the letter, he gave it to the woman, she read the letter, she was amazed. And she's summoned the boy back and wrote him some heinola that's not there. They will not tell people they function within limits. And where these these barriers are most artificial, you find the most sexual deviancy
is rampant. pdf philia is rampant. You will not leave your young boy unattended and he jazz for two minutes.
It's true, we don't talk about it. But
We have to be real people.
We have to be real people. There are limits set by us now. Brothers sit over there unless you just you so deeply in love that you don't want to separate from your wife for a moment. Sister sit over there, this Mashallah. I have to put a barrier up. I says wait a minute, we've forgotten to bring the barriers and make believe there's no sisters over there.
And then go to work surrounded by women. And don't have no problem. We end up schizophrenics
end up schizophrenics we have the function within the limits set by the Sharia.
Second wisdom so marriage allows the lawful
exercise of passions and loss that we have in US naturally. Marriage allows for the perpetuation of human society through divinely sanctioned relations.
Why do we say this? Because if we don't come together in a healthy way, with divine sanctioning, with rules that govern our interaction, eventually one or two things will happen will end up like the shakers and there won't be any procreation, or there'll be total anarchy. And we'll lose lineages will lose the sense of of parental responsibility. And you'll have social anarchy and that will destroy the society. So neither of those conclusions are good. A lot mentions in the Qur'an while husband I mean komiza con la de la, that you've taken them through or they've taken from you the women of have Nam income myself and valida a weighty covenant. A weighty covenant marriage is a
weighty matter. And its weightiness comes from the fact that it is a divinely sanctioned institution that
consecrated With the name of Allah.
So it's not a light thing. It's not something to just take lightly. It's an institution that's been divinely sanction.
It's an institution that was endorsed by all of the profits. A Sally salon didn't marry but when he comes back, he'll marry someone you said, four things are from the sunon of the Prophet. What about Isa and his son Jesus is related that Jesus when He comes back amongst the things he'll do is get married and complete that prophetic sooner.
So it's a weighty covenant is not a light thing. And but it's essential for the healthy perpetuation of human society. Marriage provides a context for personal stability and contentment. So it's, it's, it's very unsettling for a person who's trying to exercise the natural passions to run from nightclub to nightclub.
Because they're not married, and they think you know, but I'm not married. I have these passions. So to learn from nightclub to nightclub, to run from bounce from relationship to relationship, that's very destructive and unstable. Marriage provides stability. They don't have to worry about Oh, what club I'm going to go to tonight. I don't have to be in that environment. I don't have to listen to this loud music and my eardrums are shot. My eyes are read from the smoke filled environment. I'm totally frustrated because I can't meet the right person.
Marriage provides stability and contentment.
One of the things that in marriage itself renders or creates a lot of instability is that we're looking for perfection.
In our spouse,
we're looking for perfection in our husband, we're looking for perfection. And our wife perfection is for a lot Tyler perfection is agenda. This is the world the abode of defects. Why is genacore da darussalam Jenna paradise Why is it called darussalam the abode of peace?
One reason? yoga,
everything's perfect. The there'll be no one of the things that lessens us and renders us imperfective arguments and fights and disputes. You won't have that engender.
Another thing is there will be no defectiveness the original meaning of Salam is freedom from defects. So when we say our laws as salam, our Allah R Rahman r Rahim al Malik L, those SLM is and so we try to translate that so we start studying Islam, we know as salam alaikum Peace be upon you. So we get to our last name as salaam and what we say
the peace and then we like the peace but
its original meaning means to be free from defects and imperfections. That's what salon means.
Yama yen for men who will ever know inland and atolla hair, be a convinced selling.
We are confident selling so what on the day the no amount of wealth or benefit or children will be of any benefit. The only one benefited on that day will be the one who comes before a law man at a law Have you convinced selling do you say comes in for a law with a peaceful heart comes before a law with a sound pure heart?
That's free of the defectiveness of hypocrisy, of idolatry, of jealousy of all of these defects and diseases of the heart.
So we look for perfection in our spouses. And then we can our spouse is like you're defective. Get out of here you bombed.
Well, you're defective. Go back to your father. I'm gonna find Superwoman. Well, I'm gonna find Superman. So he's not out there.
Like brother could you open your shirt? I will be less the why I want to see if there's an S on your chest. Super Muslim. Did it hurt it is
able to leap tall minarets in a single bound.
Super Muslims that out there look for the G on the chest good Muslim, and try to make him better Muslim. The same thing brothers loafer good sister and maker
Better sister, but super sister. She's not out there. pee on the chairs perfect sister.
Perfect Muslim. He's not out there, sister. She's not out there brother. So look for good Muslim and make him or her better Muslim.
That's that's the mission. cast down your bucket where you are Who said that?
know his adversary who was the adversary of wb Dubois?
No, he was the guy that devised all the products from the peanut. Booker T. Washington said that Booker T Washington, cast down your bucket where you are, what was he talking about? Was Booker T. Washington talking about
The reality in the south, he started Tuskegee Institute. Everyone wants to go to North we got to get rid of leave the South. These crackers are killing us down here. And the Klan and we got to get out of here. Get up out of here. Live our land a lot of land leave our families, our extended families leave our social institutions and go north. Booker T Washington said cast down your bucket where you are the water in the north isn't any sweeter. A painful truth a lot of people went north squalid slum conditions, drugs, no extended family, weekends, the tuitions, no land base, all of the things that helped to strengthen and root and stabilize the community and the South were absent. So you got
all of this dysfunction. And now what are people doing in massive numbers leaving the north and going back south
leaving the north and going back south? Booker T Washington said cast down your bucket where you are similar saying the grass is always greener on the other side. So someone you're not living with always is going to be more appealing.
So you're at work Sally's gonna be appealing because you're not living with Sally and close confines. You're just interacting at work a few hours a day. So it's easy for Sally to be sweet. Who is the up do
you whisk is so cute.
Really? Wow my wife doesn't tell me my whiskers are cute. She's always yelling at me to take the garbage out and change the baby's diaper while she watches this thing in the oven and wow I like that Sally. Oh yes, Abdo I can make you feel real good. She can because she's not living with you.
is really easy. If you live with us he wouldn't be so attractive.
So the water always look sweeter on the other side.
Sister Mashallah. That's just us in good shape. Yeah, she didn't have five of your babies.
She better be in good shape.
She has a $300 a month fitness program. And a personal trainer.
The water always looks better on the other side.
cast down your bucket where you are a lot. Tyler gave you this wife a lot of times he gave you this husband. So make it work. Because what do you find? So because his wife or her husband isn't super Muslim, get rid of them. Get someone else? either the same or even more vexing problem.
My wife You gotta go sister. I'm sorry. This is like the second day of marriage. You didn't told me you didn't tell me snored.
So he gets rid of her. What happened? And then you just get married last week MCA big. Yeah, I know. But the sister snores, man, how am I gonna live the rest of my life.
So he married someone else and so the new wife doesn't snore. She sleep walks.
He's waking out having nightmares wakes up.
There's no perfect now Gotta get rid of her. She's sleepwalks.
She might come back with a frying pan.
Now I wish he had his snoring wife back. Then she stared at the bed.
cast down your bucket where you are.
This is the water Allah gave you drink from it
because that water over there looks sweeter. But once you get over that it didn't look muddy from over there.
Moving right along
I think you're used to this thing.
Marriage encourages good character.
Seriously, and your children
marriage encourages good character and in the people themselves, like we say why? because it provides a realm to implement all of those wonderful Islamic teachings about patience, about forbearance, about giving preference to the other party
about enduring the abuse of others. Right to tamela leather bearing abuse.
You haven't seen any abuse till you get married.
You have to learn to laugh at it.
Not retaliating so we give the lesson the Prophet solace seven never retaliated for personal slights.
Brother What's happening?
I just had a big fight with my wife argumentum messed up how to start she said I had a big head
just math that I do know what you should have did brother You said wait a minute. When got the tape measure measured your head the measured her head
is bigger than my head. What are you talking about? My head looks like a watermelon your head looks like the Goodyear Blimp.
We have to learn to laugh at this stuff. But But back to so this same brother and sister they're the same halaqa this was the week after they gave the lesson on giving preference to the others. The next week's lesson was bearing abuse and the Prophet never retaliating silver linings, sell them for personal slights. And the Prophet never retaliated for personal slights. He only retaliated the rights of a law have violated some of the law and he will sell them. So when the man came to him yeah Muhammad and yelled at him and collared him. The Prophet just answered him and this have already beat the guy up. He said leave him alone. He's just ignorant. He doesn't know better. So we
gave that beautiful lesson and then went home and had a fight because my my wife said my head was big.
After giving a lesson about the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam not replying for Beulah to to personal insults Subhana Allah so that's good character good character isn't theory good characters practice. Marriage also provides a context. Children don't learn good character by going to a class on good character. There's a class at MCA on good character. Send all your children they develop good character by living in a home where it's manifested.
mm Gonzales said an in battalion will help the tandem knowledge comes through study and forbearance comes through for bearing will help the tandem. So they see their parents for bearing with each other and they assimilate those values. They see their parents patiently persevering. They assimilate those values. So So marriage provides a context for teaching. good character not through lessons. Okay, we're going to talk about patience, because the lesson can even be damaging. So here's dad or mom, kids. We're going to talk about patience. I am going to get the abridged version of Imam ghazali we are decided hey, now that's mmm No. Okay, we're going to get reordered Sala hain
the second or third chapter in the book a solver with the ads and the verses. Then we get the commentary. We break it all down.
And then husband yells in during the lesson.
Where's my dinner? cook your own dinner if you can't wait, stop bothering me. I'm giving the children a lesson on patience.
Allah. So lessons don't teach these things lessons can motivate us. And lessons can stimulate us lessons can raise our consciousness. But these are qualities that are assimilated over time.
And that's why and we're going to come back to this later. That's why marriage is is permanent. It's a permanent relation in theory, because it takes a long time for children to assimilate those lessons.
So we're talking about marriage and character. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam made the connection and we said we come back to this later. So he says the Laila was sudden either jakka mentor Mona Dina, who who Luca, thank you who who were lm t fou, talkin fitna tone Phil, was a sadoun kavir. So he says, the lie that was selling, if someone comes to you,
that you and you're pleased with his character and his religion, marry him to your daughter. And if you don't do it, there's going to be great truth, there's going to be tribulation, and the earth and widespread corruption.
Time is up, really.
Now we can we can roll over. All right, let's just go five minutes over since we started a little bit late.
Marriage expands the time we'll finish these and then we'll stop. Marriage expands the ties of social relations. So think about the Prophet sallallahu Sallam his marriages, his marriages, built relationships between warring tribes. And so now they were connected by marriage, they stopped warring with each other. And they became a solid and integrated unit unified society that was able on the basis of that unity, to provide the impetus for spreading Islam through all of the known world, at that time, known to the people who knew about it. The people didn't knew about it, their world was the normal. So if you were over here in the Americas, that was the unknown world, and here
was the known world. You know, there's always the these things, you know, anyway, so the process of asylum, his marriages, established social relations, we should think about our situation. One of the ways to break down, the disunity in our community would be marriage marry each other. And then you get social relations established.
And there's a wisdom in that and this is let me let me just emphasize that
talking about the Prophet sallallahu was send them and what he did is nothing if we don't do what he did. So here's the next week's Holocaust this the third Holocaust third week was how the prophets marriages broke down the tension and bad relations between the various Arab tribes. same person gave the lesson gave the lesson in giving preferences the others, then complain because his or her wife wants everything their way. So that lesson went out the window. The next week's lesson was on
burying the not responding to personal insight, slights and insults. That's what the Prophet did. Went home.
Husband a wife said Your head is big, retaliated for that personal site that lesson went out the window. Lesson halycon number three third week Hanukkah, the profits of marriages how they broke down the the tension between different tribes how they unify the people into a solid social force that was able to accomplish great things on the basis that unity went home here comes Jr. I want to marry so and so. Is she Punjabi?
cannot marry her.
I want to marry this convert.
Is he white convert black convert.
That lesson went out the window
what what what what good is low carb Canada confero Sunni Laos watan hacer una you have a most excellent example in the Messenger of Allah if every time that excellent example challenges the way we feel things should be challenges our ego challenges our narcissism challenges our Hedden ism, out the window it goes, That's no way to have a religion. And that's no way
To change and improve our situation,
brothers and sisters, so we'll stop there. We'll continue your legislative rulings for marriage.
We'll start with a little q&a, get some feedback. And and after doing this, then we have a couple exercises we're going to do. This is the most theoretical part
of the program and the next section after that is totally interactive.