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Islam Marriage And The Family – Part 2

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Zaid Shakir

Channel: Zaid Shakir

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Episode Transcript

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Bismillah

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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. I we're gonna forge on.

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We're going to forge on our right now what we want to do very quickly,

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a bit of legal housekeeping here. Legislative ruling for marriage. So a lot of people they think marriage has a single ruling

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that is farmed, have to get married. That is not the basic ruling for marriage. We mentioned autobahn, Min sunon and min Sunil Sunil and more 74 things from the traditional the way of the prophets, the Solon is not the basic ruling for marriages, that is sooner.

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That meaning the person that possessed the means to marry, desires to marry and is not devoted to worship, then it's desirable, as soon enough for that person to get married.

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Now, some scholars say

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that

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if a person has the me wants to get married, but doesn't fear they'll fall into Haram. If they get married, if they don't get married, so I want to get married but I'm okay single, and they are devoted to worship, then in that case, is better for that person to remain single and to continue to worship Allah? Because we were created to do what to get married or to worship Allah.

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To worship Allah marriage is an aspect of worship is undertaken with the proper intention, but we were created to worship one o'clock Paul Gino well INSA Illa Leah boom, I've only created the jinn and human humans that they worship me. So, again, is sooner highly desirable, but not obligatory, to get married, if a person has the means desires to get married, and is not devoted to worship

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was called lfl Allah against or in opposition to the most appropriate course colossal Allah, if a person did that desires to marry but can afford to do so then it's undesirable qLf and Ola for this person to get married. Why because if a person can afford it, but does it anyway then that person is probably not necessarily but probably going to end up in some situations that are Haram.

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So the persons implemented asuna but in a situation that will lead to Haram. So in this case, warding off the Haram has precedence precedence over implementing the sooner so again, he laughs and Ola undesirable if a person desires to marry but cannot afford to do so. So if you know someone they want to get married, but they don't have a job say brother get a job first didn't get married.

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It's my crew or disliked.

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So my crew Kara is stronger than qLf and Ola

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is stronger. So this is undesirable. This is disliked.

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There is no desire to marry nor there's one possess the means.

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So you don't want to get married. You can't afford to get married. But you do in any way because all your friends are doing it.

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That is makrooh disliked.

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That is disliked.

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Okay, Farm, in some situations, it might be farmed, obligatory, to get married, what are those situations, you own the means? A person owns the meaning and fears that he or she will fall into sinful activity, if they don't get married, such as fornication, such as pornography or other sinful activity. And that case it is farmed. It is obligatory for that person to get married, why he or she has the means to get married. And he or she fears that they will fall into sinful activity. If they don't

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Get married. In that case it is hard to get married. So if you know someone that has a lot of money, and they're like, you know, I'm gonna do something sinful if I don't get married stay, then you better get married.

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If you don't, I'm going to chase you with a broomstick till you get married. And some instances it's haram to get married. So if a person knows going into the marriage that he or she there should be a she here

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will oppress their spouse. Is her arm to get married to sue, she's been taking martial arts for 10 years.

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Ha ha ha. And she's like, as soon as I get my hands on a man, every sister that has the golden knees set that's the Muslim woman's homeless shelter in this area. I'm going to get her revenge on her. And she knows Julie she gets her hand on a man. She's gonna wreck of

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chick, my sisters

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this hurricane with that system to get married because she's going to press her spouse, poor guy. So what did I do

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is haraam in that case forbidden to get married? So again, there are various rulings for marriage. There is no one particular rulings, the rulings vary according to the individual, and the individual circumstance is sooner for some people. Most people lfl Ola for some people undesirable makrooh for some people disliked for for some people, obligatory haram for other people forbidden.

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Why? Why is it forbidden lead Dadar will lead Iraq, our religion neither allows for harm or reciprocating harm. One of the foundational principles of our law at door Are you then Yes, sir. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought your question harm is to be removed a door Are you than harm is to be removed. So if we remove the harm by not letting this person get married, so be it. That's how we remove the harm. Alright, so now we're going to move into the second session wisdom from the tradition. But before doing that, let's go back to the workbook. So we want everyone

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to take

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a little self examination here. If you turn to page Allahumma, Salli, ala Muhammad pays for for the sisters, and page five, for the brothers take a little time to score this. Now. If you're not married.

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You could do it anyway. But this is basically for marriage people to see where you're at in your marriage.

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To see where you're at in your marriage, so take some time and do that give you three minutes and 42 seconds Bismillah

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number eight for the Thema should be bicker constantly bickering.

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Actually,

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there's I think that's a mistake. Ignore that one. Ignore that one.

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Number Eight for the females. Ignore that one. That's a mistake.

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Also, sisters number 17 should be partner not parent 17 partner, I'm married. I rarely if ever feel like I'm married to a critical partner.

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Number 17 for sisters page for critical partner, not parent.

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Okay, everyone should be done. Now. These are generalizations. Don't. If you have a wonderful marriage and you got 20 of these false,

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don't, don't go and get a divorce.

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But but generally speaking, generally speaking.

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If you got zero to six false,

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then you're in good shape.

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If you got seven to 12 false, then your marriage could use a little tweaking

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If you got more than 13 floss, you should consider and you're having some problems. So if you have 13 floss, but you know, you things are pretty good.

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It's just you got 13 false.

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But if not, if you got 13 or more of these false

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and you having some problems and a lot of arguments, you should see a professional marriage counselor. Seriously. That's the whole purpose of this little exercise. Let's go back to this concept of oppression those an excellent question slash observation. So it's not just physical abuse, a person knows that he or she will physically abused their spouse, they know going in, they're not going to give them their rights. So the man is a total miser. And he knows he's not going to spend any money on his wife.

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So she's not he's going to eat out at restaurants and sneak home and not go grocery shopping.

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He knows that going in. Or he knows that he'll do anything his mother asked, even if it's against this lamb, with no consideration for his wife, so his mother's like, you have to stay here with me, because you and your father when a scary neighborhood, so we need you to protect us. So he knows he's not going to spend any time with his wife.

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Anything his mother says he's going to do no matter how much it affects his relationship, even if his mother's opressing him herself. So it could be verbal, he knows or she knows that they have a very abusive tone. And that's just the way I've heard people say this with some serious character defects. That's just the way I am. I'm not changed for anybody.

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I'm married single, that's just I mean, someone, I that's how I talk to people.

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And so that person shouldn't get married. Because you know, he's going to be arguing all the time. And again, the wives did I What did I do with the husband? What did I do? I mean, you act like what you unleash on me sometimes act like I'm sat down.

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And you're the US Army,

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or the US Air Force? Is bombing me?

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Funny. No reason.

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Yeah, well, you got weapons of mass destruction upon the day job.

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So it could be physical abuse, psychological abuse, verbal abuse, and the person knows going in, they're going to oppress their spouse and that way, so it'd be a wide number of things. So okay.

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Who is that?

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Is that okay?

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Shawn? Yes, sir.

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Now, I'm assuming if the person is not devoted to worship is sooner to marry, if they have the mean, they desire to marry and they're not devoted, if they have the me desire to marry and they are devoted to worship is not desirable, is better, in the opinion of some scholars to stay single and continue your devotion?

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God? Yes, sir.

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Right.

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That's bad advice. Marriage will never fix a personality disorder.

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Get the personality disorder fixed and then get married. Marriage will accentuate it. I guarantee you.

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You think he or she has a temper now?

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Yes, sir.

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Well, it's not haram for them to get married. But they're if they're going to give their spouse their full right. They're not going to be able to do the the devotional acts that they're accustomed to.

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It's just there's there's no way. Number one, that person

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might be working part time job. And then the rest of the time is called n is Vicar is km, Elaine is voluntary fasting because they have the energy to do that they're not working on, they get married that part time job has to become a full time job. So not only is more energy not expended more time is expended, engaged outside of worship and then just extrapolate from there. Alright, so let's move on here to

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the next area. All right, this is we want to look at some of the Hickam aphorisms of inner thigh LS scan MRI, and then we're going to just

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see and explore and examine how these can assist us and our relationship. So this is beyond marriage. So the first one, this is the first one in his book, Manila, metanarrative MADI and an AMA loxone. Or Raja and Judah zellen. So, among the signs that a person is over relying on one's actions is a loss of hope, when one slips or experiences a setback.

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So how can this over reliance on one's actions manifest itself in the context of a relationship? Marriage friendship, parent, child, child, parent?

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Anyone? This is a question I'm asking you guys. Let me rephrase the question or repeat it? How can an over reliance on one's action so what is this talking about? If I do everything I'm supposed to do the right way how it's supposed to be done, then the outcome I desire will be there.

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And so when I can't do the action, then I give up hope of achieving the outcome.

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Or if the action is in there, Allah tala from his grace can affect the outcome or no matter what I do, if it's inconsistent with what a loss has decreed that outcome isn't going to be there. How can that have a negative this attitude?

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overly relying on one's actions, and then as a result, becoming frustrated or despairing? When one slips experiences a setback or can't do what one expected one has to do to affect a certain outcome? How can that affect relationship? Brothers? Yes.

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pressure that you know I have to do this in might be in a constant sense of pressure because he has to do all of these actions. But at the same time, if he tries his best to complete something, then he is, you know, fully cognizant of Allah's mercy in case he falls back or Okay, very good. Yes, sir.

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All right, he or she might not see that it might be a test Yes.

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of intention and passion and

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a set of algorithms or driven engineers process of how to receive the predictable outcomes that you want. Okay. Back here, a hand went up? Yes.

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Okay, you.

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Okay, so you think you can control the outcome? So a lot doesn't have anything to do I take care of my business, then. It's gonna be the way I think it should be.

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Okay, I'm in control. Now, when things don't happen the way I think they should. I'm not in control. Okay, loss of control. Yes.

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Expecting perfection. So if I do everything perfectly, then I'll get the perfect outcome.

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Let me give you all of those things that I think that's what I was looking for. But let me bring it all together. And let me know what you think about this.

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I'm going to marry

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this young lady and I'm going to mold her

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to be the kind of wife she needs.

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To be if she's going to be with me

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work and work and work to motor

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and she's still rebellious.

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what might happen?

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These kids

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I will show them

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and make them not be Americans.

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Even though they're born and raised and go to school and live in a neighborhood surrounded by Americans.

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I'm going to make them Egyptian.

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And then when they're still Americans, so I met still coming home with that baseball cap turned around backwards.

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is still okay. salaam aleikum wa Pop's?

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Mahmoud here was my pizza.

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Full with Tamia Tamia will food full Tamia Tamia, I was some oatmeal for breakfast.

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It could create a lot of stress intention.

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A lot of stress intention.

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So and that's a sign that one is overly relying on one's actions and therefore, what happens to that husband? She'll never change. Why? Because I couldn't change her. She's got to go.

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He loses hope. Those parents these kids, they should have never come to America. Yes. You should not have come to America.

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about going back No way back. Just crowded in Cairo.

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I got accustomed to this nice suburban lifestyle.

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So give up hope,

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says yell scream and never change you know, good. You just like your father. Does it mean that so a person gives up hope. Look, son, or Raja and Judas Ellen, or the person is not able to do what they think they can do to affect the outcome. So one or two things I've worked out comes not there. I give up hope. Or I'm not able to do what I think I should do. Therefore it's hopeless. It's not going to happen. Sometimes we just have to step back and let a lot Tyler's wisdom unfold

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that child 90% of the time he's gonna grow out of that phase rebellious, over emphasized hip hop phase. Or she

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that spouse you're ready to give up on a lot Holly can turn their hearts

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and time can season and mature person.

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Give you a good example. How about the example of the Aziz the in the suit of use of the wife of the Aziz

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in Egypt, look at look at who she was at first.

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She was arrogant. She was lustful. She has she saw no father in herself.

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Right so she's trying to attack us have almost ripped his shirt off.

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Not my fault. He looks too good.

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So all these rumors start flying the wife. She tried to seduce you serve. She has no character. So it's not my fault. It looks too good. I'll prove it all you women starting all this gossip. Come here. Sit down. Take this knife. Use enter.

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is too handsome. It's not her fault.

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That's Savannah look at a character she's like that. But at the end of the story. That episode rather well Mel Barbie una FC. In the nwsl and more of the SU inland rugby. I don't absolve myself of any blame when they're barely enough. See? The beginning. Not my fault.

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Use of SWAT, handsome rascal

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A few years later, a few years down the road maturity living life being seasoned. were male baruntse I don't absorb much

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Have any blame? And then Nuff said our motto be Sue. This is the nature of the train soul. My soul then was untrained. It was unrefined and the soul in that state inclines and commands that which is evil and vile llamada hemara be, except those that my lord has mercy on. So she was a totally transformed woman. She wasn't the same woman. So over time, people change life seasons, people, people gain experience, people gain mature and so but when we give up hope and people because we experienced a setback, or we slip or we can't do the things we think we should do, to bring about a certain outcome, then we can become very, very frustrated. Yes.

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Battery on the house Mike is done.

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All right. I think you could all hear while he's changing the battery. The next one, he says Rahim Allah This is the second hichem irata to kotagiri mahkamah. Tila uric acid as badly Manisha tilapia, we refer to Cal as bad Mario calm to La La La Casita to read it and hectorton and inhemeter Alia. So you're desiring to be divested from the world, despite the fact that Allah has facilitated worldly involvement for you.

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Be aware that leaving those worldly means that involvement in the world may be the expression of a hidden last. And the reason that rula may say a hidden last, because on the surface, leaving your job to go study,

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Islam, memorized core n make Vicar all day is something laudable. But it might be the expression of the hidden lust number one, because it's giving preference to the desire of your soul over what a lot had is facilitated for you. So that's following the shower of the ness, it might be the expression of a hidden loss, because those worldly preoccupations involve fatigue involves getting up, you live in Tracy, at five in the morning and fighting traffic for two and a half hours to get into San Francisco to work and doing it in the evening all over again, then going home, and throwing some food in your mouth and running out of the door to go to the University of Phoenix. So you can

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get your MBA so you can get transferred to Pleasanton and not have to deal with this commute. And so you're doing your night school, and then the weekend, you're just trying to recover from it all and Monday, you get up and start it over again. But it's all lawful. And it allows you to take care of your family. And running away from that might be seeking just have some comfort. So that's why it might be a hidden loss. So on the surface, I want to study snam I want to, but deep down that

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comfort and that rush hour is wicked.

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That's why it's called the hidden us. As for your desire for worldly means, despite the fact that Allah has divested you from the world be worthy leaving that state of divestment might involve with dissent from lofty spiritual aspiration. So laws giving you the opportunity to study Islam facilitated it, but you live in a subsistence level.

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living living like a peasant. They say a subsistence farmer. You barely have enough food.

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You don't even know how you get by from week to week. But hamdulillah your wife, her husband's patient with that?

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Your kids they're not wearing the best cold. You keep them neat and clean. But you even have to Allah forbid who knows what a hand me down is over her hand me down. Do they still have hand me downs?

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I thought they were extinct. That's when the older child outgrows the clothing so you give it to the younger one. So in your you're studying and your life of worship and hikma service to the religion. You have to use hand me downs the good clothes, you bought good clothes, Ash cash.

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You know, they hold up. So they're looking good, but they hand me downs. So you decide, you know hamdulillah

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I've been able to memorize Quran and memorize Sahih Bukhari, I learned my sick, I make music all day, I can do pm every night because I can take a nap after fudger after my fetcher lesson, and but I children shouldn't be where hand wearing hand me downs, we shouldn't be eating meat. Once a month, we should be like Americans, we shall meet every meal. So I'm going to go out and get a job, a real job.

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And so, leaving desire to leave

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for desiring worldly means despite the fact that allows divest at one from the world, beware that that might be leaving that state of divestment wide involved with dissent from lofty spiritual aspirations. Look how your hammer was your drive your spiritual aspiration, your longing for a lot to be with a lot of worship a lot. Look how that was and then

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now how can that affect our relationships? Here, more specifically, a marriage?

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Anybody?

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brothers sisters.

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Okay, both parties aren't on the same page. And one or the other doesn't

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fully appreciate what a lot Tyler has facilitated.

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So maybe one party here in the first instance, the sister has a responsible husband

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goes to work every day. lawful income, she's eating, being clothed, sheltered from halaal income. And she's pushing on him to leave his job and go study. I always wanted to marry a scholar. So why don't you just leave and just we can go we can toughed it out.

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And, and so, maybe they do, and by leaving water laws facilitate it. One is left to one's own devices. So they go and so they're over in Syria. And believe it or not, and Syria gets cold in the winter.

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And that cold is accentuated by the fact that there are no heat in the houses.

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And then no heat in the houses is accentuated by the fact that they're made out of concrete.

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You know, what happens when coal gets in the concrete?

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If it gets in and December, it doesn't go away till May.

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And that's accentuated by the fact that they're on this shaded side of the building. There's no direct sunlight.

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And so the same sister that Oh, you should leave your job. She's

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like as you find a place. It's like there's no place in Syria with heat. You can be in mohiniyattam, Yarmouk, one of the Palestinian refugee camps or Mrs. Carter via one of the exclusive neighborhoods and there is no heat in the house.

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That's the reality of the situation. I can't take this, we got to go back to America now go back to America. No job left the jobs are the economy changed.

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Your job has been outsourced. Stop do

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no job.

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Now the children

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they don't have the level of food, your custom you can shop at Whole Foods anymore. They can afford to eat organic now. That stresses you out of eating this junk to my kids. Well, you should have just been patient.

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And because we had a

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and an aphorism

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couple days ago, that said that if a law Tyler wants you to do something, he will do it in the situation that you're in.

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So if Allah wants your husband to be a scholar, he can make him a scholar. And he still works nine to five.

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Many people have gotten very respectable levels of Islamic knowledge, memorize the Quran. There's people in this audience memorize Quran and in school, school years out

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to school on the side

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you know if Allah wants you to be a Hoffman's, he'll make you a half of he will do it you can do it. You will go and think that you go overseas so you go overseas the same family, the wives complaining, so now the brother has to go get a job at the American Language Center. Which teaching English which is demanding task. There's a lot of homework all kinds of everyday homework to correct so he has to leave his lessons. He has to stop his hip and now he's working full time in Damascus

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and there's no time to study

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and then on top of all of that

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he has no tofi

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so he could have so now he goes in three or four or five six years bumping around the Middle East. Well is the mask is that's the problem. There's no tofield here. Let's go to Cairo. Oh boy.

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He thought he had problems in Damascus

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because Cairo in addition to feeding his family he has the buy train fare to get from one side of the town to the other. The mask is is small you can walk I had a bike one of the Chinese bikes black indestructible. The best bike ever made. They're like metal rods for the brakes. You never had to change the nothing you just change the little brake pads you straight the best bike ever made the Phoenix that's what it was the Chinese Phoenix. Yes sir.

00:36:43--> 00:36:55

No, you there's always room to improve within the context of what a lot Tyler has laid out. So a lot of facilitated worldly means. So get a promotion.

00:36:56--> 00:36:57

But don't leave your job.

00:36:59--> 00:37:02

You know, start studying harder don't drop out of school.

00:37:04--> 00:37:16

Take start taking lessons on the weekend and after school not 11 in the afternoon. I have to cut back work on Tuesday and Thursday cuz the shakes gonna give me time at 11am

00:37:18--> 00:37:22

you could start putting yourself in a very precarious situation. Yes.

00:37:25--> 00:38:23

Right. Well, it's not saying I'm supposed to be poor is saying I'm supposed to be involved with these worldly means I'm involved in working nine to five, raising a family as opposed to divesting myself from that. So within that context, a look, I'm going to med school, I took my whatever MCAT or whatever you take to go to med school, I passed and I got accepted in. So I'm going to do that. So that's still within the means of worldly means, as opposed to divestment here is going into strictly religious means. So within this realm, or that realm, but within this realm or that realm, there parameters and between the two realms, did I put myself in this or that a law put me in it, if

00:38:23--> 00:38:33

a law put me in it is not fitting and appropriate that I take myself out. If a law puts me in then and he takes me out, then I leave it.

00:38:38--> 00:39:03

A water law facilitates it could be a trial for you, but within that realm, you number one, before you do anything, you make it too hard. When you make a staccato, you ask for a lot harder to make things easy for you and to make them subservient to you. And then the bless you in order to ward it off from you.

00:39:04--> 00:39:28

First, before Annie Award you off from it. So I have a lot of time to facilitate something for you. That's what you should be doing. And for laws warding it off from you, then you shouldn't be doing so you're you're before you are these two, two choices. Let's just generalize a worldly course of involvement or a course of

00:39:29--> 00:39:36

religious involvement. You just graduated college you make a staccato law show me which way I should go.

00:39:37--> 00:39:38

You're thinking of

00:39:40--> 00:39:48

going to med school or going to Yemen how to remote to study Islam.

00:39:50--> 00:39:53

You You're living your life you produce the car.

00:39:54--> 00:39:59

You then you application for medical school was rejected.

00:40:00--> 00:40:06

you applied to six schools, all of them rejected you. Even the one in the Caribbean.

00:40:10--> 00:40:25

You at the same time you get a phone call from someone you know very well, who's in Yemen. Yeah, you know, I'm coming home, Habib, Omar's kicking me out. So if you know anyone that's coming over here, they can stay in my house that I built.

00:40:26--> 00:41:13

And so this path is being blocked before you, this path is being open for you. So it's clear a lot of Tyler's move you towards that path. And that's what you pray for. Make it easy for me make it within my means. fucka do who Li barbarically Fie, just what you're praying for. And that's what allows doing. But instead you send out 10 more applications for med school. You tell them yeah, okay, I'll look for someone. I think one of the brothers is coming over there. And so what a loss facilitating you move away from and what is warding off from you. So you med school application get rejected. Your father says you know what I was thinking about it. Even if you get to med school, I'm

00:41:13--> 00:41:51

not paying for four years was enough. I paid for four years, that's my duty. You get a job, go to med school, do what you want. So you got rejected, your father says if you do get in, I'm not paying for it. So it's clear a lot Tyler's warning that off. And as clearly as facilitating this. What is facilitating that's what we should be doing what he's warding off that what we shouldn't be doing. And when it's is it's hard for us to distinguish, we make make a decision trust and alarm pray that he blesses us in that path. Aloha island was Mustang. Allah knows best.

00:41:52--> 00:42:05

So in any case, the point here is that and a good point was raised here, one, maybe one party or the other is not

00:42:06--> 00:42:08

going with the flow.

00:42:10--> 00:42:44

We have to try to recognize where the blessing the benefit, and the facilitation of a lot tantalize. Philosophy facilitated this, I personally don't like it. I don't think I should we hear freezing in Damascus. But this case the person has been told in their studies. I think my kids should be wearing clothes from Macy's and not hand me downs. But you know what, hamdulillah we're happy. We're eating, we're surviving. And we're learning, our kids are getting

00:42:45--> 00:42:50

an opportunity to learn their religion. So I'm going to support you in this.

00:42:52--> 00:43:07

Or vice versa, you know, I want to go study, but hamdulillah you have a good job here in America, and inshallah Allah will bless you. We can move closer to the MCA, they have a lot of classes going on.

00:43:08--> 00:43:52

And we'll get tofi. So, keep doing what you're doing. So we have to work with each other and support each other in the context that's been made clear for us. Related to that. So whether you call him amela talk Rico, as well as Ecuador, that the strength of resolve desperations will never penetrate, or smash the walls of fate. This goes back to the first one. Sometimes no matter how hard we work at something. It's not decreed to happen. One of the early Muslims he said very nice, saying men are taller than men. Men love your HELOC at other nessa who while I'm your

00:43:54--> 00:44:16

man taller than men mellem your man lamb yo holla at other nafsa who when I'm your result, whoever seeks something that hasn't been created, he or she exhaust themselves and they are not. They don't. They're not received they don't receive or they're not bestowed that which they're seeking after.

00:44:17--> 00:44:21

So understand brothers and sisters, something

00:44:23--> 00:44:29

that hasn't been created by a law for the time you're in is not going to be

00:44:30--> 00:44:38

so no matter how strong our aspirations No matter how much planning how much work

00:44:39--> 00:45:00

goes into something that will never smash the walls of war Damon? What a lot Tyler ordains will be Masha Allah who can women marry lemmya chef Lamia Khun Hola Hola. Hola, La quwata illa Billah what Allah wills is what Allah has

00:45:00--> 00:45:20

Not willed is not. And there's no strength or power except the law. So if a law hasn't willed that you're married to Super Muslim woman, or super Muslim man, he's not going to be super Muslim. She's not going to be super Muslim. So be content with good Muslim.

00:45:21--> 00:45:34

And as we said, try to work together to help him or her to be better Muslim. If your kids are not inclined to be the next, Seba way, he

00:45:36--> 00:45:47

just ask the Lord to bless them to enjoy Shakespeare. Be good in English, if you're not going to be good in Arabic, stay in school.

00:45:48--> 00:46:07

But if they're not decreed to be the next evil way, he no matter how much you try how many tutors you get, how much your level of frustration grows, it's not going to happen, accept them for who they are, and look for the good that is there and nurture that.

00:46:08--> 00:46:13

And I didn't want my child to be a fencer.

00:46:14--> 00:46:18

Well, they're the best fencer in your state.

00:46:19--> 00:46:21

That's a nice Islamic sport.

00:46:23--> 00:46:24

And God

00:46:26--> 00:46:43

encouraged that, if that's keeping them in school, if that's keeping them in the masjid, if that's keeping them happy with you, but no, my child, this is a sports crazy society, you're going to go to the masjid and memorize the Quran. And if you don't get it from me,

00:46:44--> 00:46:51

you get it from movies. He'll bludgeon you into submission, but you will submit

00:46:53--> 00:46:58

sylvana law? What's going to happen to that child? They're gonna hate the Quran?

00:47:01--> 00:47:05

Where did Arshad Minji? Get her start? According to her?

00:47:06--> 00:47:13

You guys know what your shed Minji is? Where did the Canadian Yeah, okay, yeah, her?

00:47:14--> 00:47:17

How Where does she get her start go according to her story,

00:47:18--> 00:47:21

in her local mosque in her local Quran school.

00:47:22--> 00:47:25

That was the root of her problems.

00:47:26--> 00:47:46

And that's the root of a lot of kids problems. Some kids prosper and succeed. We don't want to knock the local school. But some people, the person doesn't understand them. They brought them from the middle of who knows where drop them in America, they can't speak English, they will use the being bludgeoned in submission.

00:47:47--> 00:48:02

And so now these kids who grew up in this typical average american environment, they're being smacked because they didn't memorize their page. And they're ready to rebel. They're conspiring, like we're gonna jump the horses tonight.

00:48:06--> 00:48:13

And then they run away from court, and I've seen it and, and, and in my own community, I've seen it

00:48:14--> 00:48:26

where kids and and some of these kids actually memorize Quran. Now they have nothing to do with Quran because for them, it was such a painful and abusive process.

00:48:28--> 00:48:39

So the point is, though, maybe it wasn't a lot Tyler didn't decree that your son's gonna be or daughter the next civil way he or the next

00:48:41--> 00:48:44

email medic, or the next

00:48:45--> 00:48:57

whoever, maybe a lot Tyler decree though when a gold medal in fencing at the Olympics. And then when they go to get the gold medal, the hold up the Quran and the most.

00:48:59--> 00:49:02

And then Homeland Security have come visit you the next day.

00:49:03--> 00:49:05

What do you teach in that child?

00:49:09--> 00:49:36

So we have to learn to try to understand and recognize where the decree is, to the extent of our ability and to recognize that as we said, Men taller than men lamb your whole lot at other nuts. So who lm your result? So we're trying to get something that hasn't been created? If a law hasn't created it? How can it be?

00:49:37--> 00:50:00

This is one meaning of a machete saying and what can save a lamb Takahata that time is like a sword if you don't cut it off, that will cut you off. One meaning of this is this. There is only one decree for every moment. They're not to decrease. There's only one decree for every moment. If we don't

00:50:00--> 00:50:22

Learn to try to recognize and accept what's decreed for the moment we're in. We're going to get cut by that sword. We're going to harm ourselves spiritually, emotionally, psychologically. But if we go with the decree, the sword never cuts us. So we're moving with the sword that never catches us when we go against it.

00:50:24--> 00:51:12

So what's been decreed for that moment is what's been decreed for that child is that that's there agile is subject to a lot Hylas decree. And so what's manifesting itself, that's what's been decreed. And then we're trying to impose our decree and our will on it doesn't happen. So wherever you hold him, and no matter how strong, our aspiration, our will, our desire will is led to honeycomb as water aka dark, it will not penetrate the walls of faith, to say nothing of smashing them to penetrate is to get through sometimes we want to smash the walls of faith, not going to happen. Yes, sir.

00:51:15--> 00:51:16

First of all,

00:51:18--> 00:51:50

this this is this merits a discussion, right that question though, we have a discussion on that. But one one tries to see if what one is trying to oppose is consistent or an opposition to the Sharia. So in other words, your child wants to be a fencer, the example we will use, you want your child to be civil way. So you're discouraging fencing. This is Catherine athletics, this whole sports culture is damaging, destructive, no good.

00:51:51--> 00:52:03

And you want them to study Arabic, I'm going to get you a tutor, I'm going to get you three tutors, and you will learn this language. So what they're doing is not an opposition to the Divine Law.

00:52:04--> 00:52:16

If it's in opposition, we should oppose it to all of our means. So your your your daughter, as opposed to wanting to be offensive or your son, a fencer wants to be a pig farmer.

00:52:19--> 00:52:42

you oppose that because his opposition to Sharia with all of your power and your strength. So that's the basic measure, but there are nuances and so let's discuss this later. But basically, that which is consistent with Sharia, one tries to accept that which is in opposition with Sharia, one tries to oppose but there are nuances involved in that.

00:52:43--> 00:52:44

Another one here.

00:52:46--> 00:53:04

So he says his two had a he hadn't kathina domina laka will talk to her female pulley by mink DeLeon Allen Thomas and basura teaming. So your Sidious striving, HD hairdo care for that which has been guaranteed for you.

00:53:06--> 00:53:39

Thema domina laka so your risk your substance this has been guaranteed for all of us. A lot of time has decreed what this will be before we came into this world, when in pre existing eternity and then reinforced that when we're in the womb of our parents, and you're falling short, we'll talk siru care female numa fully by mink, and then you're falling short and that which has been requested of you. We've been requested to worship

00:53:40--> 00:54:08

America Lockton, genuine insolently Abu Yeah, you Hannah swaran boo Dora como la de la token will lead the animal publikum la la contacta con, that's an M or an order or Budo. Rock the comb, all mankind or humankind, worship your Lord, who has created you, and created those who preceded you, in order that you will grow in your consciousness of God. So that's what's been

00:54:09--> 00:54:40

demanded of us when we fall short in this because we're putting so much effort into this, then this is an indication that the inner light has been extinguished. So in our context, the context of marriage and relationships, this should be the foundation of our relationships are coming together shall help us to strengthen each other in this

00:54:42--> 00:54:58

and we should understand this has been decreed. If it's if it's a lot that's been decreed, and we should share it. We shouldn't deny. For law blesses you to be wealthy may bless you to be more wealthy, who are the two people that can be rightfully envy?

00:55:01--> 00:55:04

To people there can be rightfully envy

00:55:06--> 00:55:11

the person who has knowledge and teaches and shares that knowledge and the second

00:55:12--> 00:55:25

the person who has wealth and spins that thesis ability left I wish I had a billion dollars so I can spend it feasibility less so but this has been determined

00:55:26--> 00:55:33

so if it comes the billion dollars comes along with Salah mama Robin, welcome yeah billion dollar

00:55:35--> 00:55:39

welcome million dollars, I have some good plans for you.

00:55:41--> 00:55:58

And if it doesn't come, Mashallah, but this is what we have to really strive for. So we strive for this, because to a degree of facilitates this, but we don't strive for this to the point that it negates this.

00:56:01--> 00:56:22

And again, when we can understand that this is the priority, then we can build our relationship as a relationship, where we help consciously helped the strength in each other in our worship, in our belief in our practice, so we can both make it to paradise.

00:56:24--> 00:56:42

And so that gives focus and purpose to the relationship. So I'm not just floating through life with you. I'm trying to help you to get to paradise, and inshallah God willing, you're trying to help me to get to paradise. And so this becomes our purpose.

00:56:43--> 00:57:01

So we went back, one of the greatest ways to combat shaytaan is to have a purpose in life. So our purpose is to help each other to maintain our worship and to help each other to make it to paradise. And a lot of Tyler will take care of this.

00:57:02--> 00:57:21

And if he takes care of it boundlessly so we have this cornucopia of good Alhamdulillah she gives us a little Alhamdulillah it's all good. A lot is good a little is good What a lot has decreed I'll go with the flow, but

00:57:22--> 00:57:24

this is my priority.

00:57:25--> 00:57:35

And when the husband and wife parents and children children and parents can all understand that this is the priority. life becomes easy.

00:57:36--> 00:57:44

So and his children understanding that the story of Ibrahim Ali Salaam and smile when he was to sacrifice him

00:57:46--> 00:57:56

a fella Bella camara saya Alia Guney in the brothel and then any advice Luca phone for Meza Tara Kalia

00:57:57--> 00:58:14

footmark certegy duni insha Allah la mina sabihin so when you reach that age limit Bella mahasaya when he can start going around with his father that's the age fathers wait for all right now I can show Jr. The ropes.

00:58:15--> 00:58:45

Shawn how things work in the world for lemme Bella gamma saya Kalia bu ne ne are often men and the advocate right at that age now that before that, or after that right at that precious age. Oh my son I've seen in my dream that I'm to sacrifice you. So the dreams of the Prophet are forms of Revelation. He has to do this this revelation from Allah.

00:58:46--> 00:59:15

Color fonville met that Torah despite that he counseled him. That's the lesson for we have to counsel, talk to our children get their input, solicit their input, input phone format that ah What do you think about this? Now? It's my ill understood that I'm a child but I have to help my parent to do this to submit to the will of Allah.

00:59:16--> 00:59:25

Cada Yeah, the TIFF alma mater, SATA junee insha, Allah mina sabihin father, do what you have to do.

00:59:27--> 00:59:35

Do what God is telling you to do. And you will find me amongst those who are patient are patiently persevere.

00:59:37--> 00:59:59

Do what you have to do. So this is the spirit we have to have in our relationship. Do what you have to do you're ever to talk more? Yes. Oh gee, yes. Oh, JT. If I'm if I Lima talk model, set Hadji Rooney insha Allah and then I saw beauty, my husband and my wife

01:00:00--> 01:00:04

Do what you have to do. You'll find me patient

01:00:05--> 01:00:09

as opposed to being impatient and wanting this, that or the other.

01:00:11--> 01:00:18

And then he says, and then I think, yeah, we'll stop here but we'll give you a homework assignment

01:00:20--> 01:00:24

that's due tomorrow morning, get a chance to think about it.

01:00:25--> 01:00:26

Lay akun

01:00:27--> 01:00:48

energy optimally has Mooji been yet sick for Damilola can eg avatar Thema tahu laka, let him or her holiness, sick of your walk the lady you read more or less the walk to lady to read. So do not allow the delay of the time you anticipate being given a gift from a law.

01:00:49--> 01:00:52

So my husband's going to get that promotion.

01:00:53--> 01:01:22

My wife's going to get an inheritance. My wife's going to start listening to me, my husband is going to start being more compassionate. And he's going to do it next week. She's going to do it next month. It might take a little bit of time, Allah has decreed that that change is going to happen next week or next month. But give it time. And if it doesn't occur when you think it should, the score should occur. Don't despair.

01:01:23--> 01:02:15

Don't despair and give up hope. Give it time, because oftentimes the law has decreed. She is going to get more compassionate, she is going to get more considerate and more obedient, etc. Those children are going to grow out of this stage, but it's going to take a little time. Don't despair, don't give up on Allah subhanho wa Taala and know who lay so Moreau Hilaire Illa comb will care for your room, on the disbelieving people despair of being relieved by Allah. So if there's a problem in the relationship, don't despair, give it a little time. Allah tala keep praying. So man in hell if the DA l hat is to be fervent. So

01:02:18--> 01:02:30

despite In fact, I didn't even translate that that should be do not allow the time so that your call to fo mo a thought the the delay of the time you've been

01:02:31--> 01:02:48

given being given a gift from Allah ma Ilha, ephedra despite your persistence in prayer, all I poured my heart out will keep pouring your heart out. And don't despair. So don't allow that to cause you to despair.

01:02:49--> 01:02:53

Why? Because the law is guaranteed to give you the answer.

01:02:54--> 01:03:18

Or the UI or the Rooney StG Blackcomb or the Rooney StG blah come call on me I will answer you a lot as promised the answer a lot doesn't keep his promise that's not what he said in the law. Hello You only for me add in Nicola totally for me add a law never breaks his promise. You never break your promise. Do we believe it?

01:03:19--> 01:03:29

Do we believe it? We have to act like we believe it. Don't despair. Don't give up she's never going to change. I shouldn't marry Fatima.

01:03:30--> 01:03:35

She's already like that. I should never going to change.

01:03:36--> 01:03:46

I need a new wife. Don't despair. He's never gonna change. He's just a bomb. He always was a bomb. If he always was a bomb. Why did you marry him when he was a bomb?

01:03:48--> 01:03:51

He will always be a bomb. How do you know?

01:03:52--> 01:04:17

Allah subhanho wa Taala don't despair. He has guaranteed you the answer. Now it's time to pray. But in what his chosen for you not in what you have chosen for yourself. And at the time he desires not the time you desire. Who's in charge also Allah? Allah tala, then when is the answer going to come when we want it? Or when a law wants it?

01:04:19--> 01:04:40

What a law wants it with what we want or with what a law wants. What the law once so we'll miss the answer because it's not what we want. Sometimes being denied is being the is the gift. Be and then we realize that down the road that hamdulillah Allah didn't give me that because it would have ruined me.

01:04:42--> 01:05:00

Alright, so I want you to do so we did a little of this. Here's your homework, write down an aphorism and share with the class. Now what is an aphorism? Not not. It's a play on words that conveys great wisdom. I'll give you my own original aphorism. To give you an idea, then we're going

01:05:00--> 01:05:03

go pray. This is original aphorism You ready?

01:05:05--> 01:05:14

within us all within all of us. There lies the potential to realize our dreams, God that

01:05:15--> 01:05:24

repeat after me within all of us the lies the potential to realize our dreams. However,

01:05:25--> 01:05:30

within only a few of us, there lies the courage

01:05:31--> 01:05:32

to realize our potential.

01:05:34--> 01:05:36

salaam aleikum. Let's go pray.