Before You Say I Do – EP17 – PT 2

be seen as man and wife, fulfilling Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

Thank you for joining us, again, we are talking about the mistakes that we do prior are as we are learning about the person, and the specific one that we are talking about is making premature compromises. And we said, the reason why we make these premature compromises is that it creates an illusion that there is harmony taking place amongst us. And in reality, it is not really harmony, it is just me giving up so that I create that illusion. And we do so by allowing ourselves to be pressured into things that we usually normally would not do. Many of us, you know, we have our own principles, our own values. But somehow, either when we get into a gathering, or when we are

specific types of friends, we are pushed, or we allow others to modify and edit our own values and beliefs. And of course, that is not acceptable. But then the minute we get married, the minute we find a person, we there is a point where we have got to make a compromise. We never compromise our values. We never compromise our principles. Remember how the female companions of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when they will be in love with their husbands? But they choose Islam and their husbands do not choose Islam? What do they do? What do they do, they would not give up their Some say, as much as I love you. But Islam is more important to me than you are. So never

compromise your values, or edit your principles just to please somebody else, or to create an illusion that we are getting along. Do you see how that can be detrimental to the marriage only to the marriage, but the character of the individual means like what what what principles really do matter to you? What is most important to you. So we do not compromise this? What do we compromise them, we compromise our activities, we compromise our interests, we compromise our hobbies, we compromise. You know, these are the things where it's a matter of preference. And I compromise this simply because yes, that will bring more harmony, that will bring in more peace into the house and

amongst our selves. So that one was do not make premature compromise. Let's see if we can do one more. This is another one give in to last. This is almost the biggest premature compromise that we can make. When we learn to see people with our heart and not just our eyes, we attract more compatible people into our life. We will this statement is important. When we learn to see people with our heart, and not just our eyes, we attract more compatible people into our lives, we get into lust simply because what I see I only see was my eyes. I have not done any intellectual compatibility. I have not done any, you know, emotional compatibility. And what I see is that all I

see, I see somebody who looks beautiful, that I can enjoy and be pleasured with. And we get into this again for the sake of creating that false sense of harmony or sometimes you know what you hope that it works. And let's just do it right now. And of course, that is sad. And what happens is that when we look, when we see people only in a lustful way, that limits our ability to choose people with whom we are compatible. Remember when we spoke about the sexual hunger limits yesterday? And we said that once people start thinking about other people only in physical terms, what do you look for, you just look at somebody who you are physically attracted to whether they are the right person

for you or not, it does not matter. You just want somebody whom you can get lustful with. This is a BB exercise that actually did this exercise in the US. What they did, is that they brought in men and women in a room and the men's eyes were closed. They had them closed. And they said you're going to sit across the table from the other women. And what you do is that you sit across the table from a woman and you ask her questions. And they said that there was going to be no touching allowed, you cannot touch the woman that is in front of you. But on the basis of the questions that you ask, and the questions that they answer back to you, you are going to tell us who you think is most

compatible with you. You understand how the exercise is done. So men on one side women on the other side, man asking question, women answering back and then they rotate so that all the men have met all the women and then they put down a number as to whom do they think was most compatible with them?

Once the exercise was over, they chose all the women or they told all the women to leave the room, men, please open your eyes and open their eyes. And they said, Well, which one do you think was most compatible with you? And they say, oh, number seven, my God, she thinks exactly the same way that I do. She even chose the same words that I would choose. And I think that this is just most compatible person to me. So they said, Fine, why don't you tell us about your physical preferences? What kind of physical appearance Do you like, and the man would go on and on and I like them slim, they have to be told fair skin and all these ideas. So they said, Fine, let us bring the woman that you

thought would be most compatible to you. And the woman that walked in, was nothing like the woman that he has physically imagined or envisioned, even though when he had his eyes closed, and now that he was thinking was his mind. And he was thinking was his heart What happened? He was seeing really, who was compatible. But then the minute the woman walked in, she was nothing that he would wish for, at least physically. And he said, this is not the woman that I would want. But what happens is that sometimes we become blinded by lust, as we are making these decisions. So the point is, to not get into lust. If you were to close your eyes, would you still want to be with this woman? Or was this

man and that is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam say, when people choose to marry, some people choose only to marry four looks. And that is the end of it. But that does not keep a marriage together. Like we said, the other day, we wrinkle we age, we you know, we're not as attractive as we look, when we were younger, and what have you. So the point is, do not give into lust, why not? It will be so silly for anybody to give into lust. So immediately, before they are intellectually, and emotionally intimate. I see this sadly, you know, in I really don't know what the case is in your own area here. But I see it happening a lot in the West, within the Muslim community. And that is

people giving into into lust. And the motive is really the last part of it. There is nothing intellectual about what is done. There is really no emotional commitment about what is taking place, what you see is just pure lust that is taking place. Remember, we will talk about attraction attraction is a big part of it. But it cannot be the only reason of why you want to be was this was the person because that will eventually fade away. So what would keep people together when they no longer attracted to one another? We've discussed two of them insha Allah and now we will open the floor for comments or questions regarding the two topics that we have discussed. Should we marry the

person we love or love the person we marry? Well, yesterday I was given the copyright of a quote right there. What does it say? I am I You don't know me because I am beautiful. I am beautiful because you love me. Well, eventually we would want to be in love with the person that we have made it. We would want to be married to the person that we love. Remember the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, Lemieux rollin would have been Kanika and then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would even say, to enhance that relationship by doing acts of love. For example, you know, in the Hadith, the prophet Sallam said, a person spending a golden coin for the poor, a

person spending a golden coin for the orphans, and a person spending a golden coin on their family. Which one brings you more reward?

The one that you spend on your family. Now supposedly we all spend on our family, but the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is teaching us that do not belittle that which you do to your family. In the Hadith of the Prophet SAW, Selim said even it is a sort of a to do what to give a morsel, feed your wife, she can feed herself. She knows how to do it. She's been doing it all along before she got married to me. But now what is this expression?

It is an expression of what is an expression of love, you know, it enhances that relationship. In the Hadith, the prophet SAW Selim and he would drink and then where would he want to drink from

the same spot on the cup, the process alone would make it a point that this is what he is going to do. So the point is that we do want to act our love to the person that we are married to, and hopefully we are also made it to the person that we love. There are sisters who say that okay, we are separated and Islam allows this, like you know, how we are sitting and women can see even if the Imam is over standing over there and women can see him, but there were people who said no throw

necessery and let her be behind. I mean, let them be behind. And even if they are the brother that will be enough. Now, in fact situations and in such things,

I mean, these are gray areas, right? The point is when we say this, it does not mean that by the end of the day, we all adopt the same opinion, it means that let's accommodate, if we are able to accommodate let us accommodate if a sister really wants to be here, but she does not feel that this is proper, I would love for us to accommodate her in a different room because I want her to benefit from what is being said, I am not going to convince her that this is okay. Even though it will be nice, but he still feels this way. I still want to accommodate What can I do? What would please your sister, what would make you be part of this yet be separate from what you consider to be wrong? And

we would want to accommodate you these either point. Compromise does not mean that I give what I believe rather, how am I able to accommodate those who disagree with me, that's how we do it. And that is all the time that we have for today. We're glad that you have joined us. We look forward to your comments, questions or queries about this program. And please do email us at the asset faza at peace tv.org until we meet next time we say so long and Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.