Before You Say I Do – EP18 – PT 1

can always be seen as man and wife, fulfilling the dean From this day on forever.

I don't even let him initiate en rajim Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah In the Name of Allah, the Compassionate, The Most Merciful. All praise is due to Allah and may his peace and blessings be upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. We begin by greeting all of our brothers and sisters and viewers saying assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

Good to be with you again. And I am hoping that you are enjoying this as much as I am enjoying it. And last time, we were talking about mistakes that people do when they are about to enter into a marital relationship. Quickly, we spoke about people not asking enough questions, we spoke about people making premature compromises. And then we spoke about people giving in to last. And these are all some sorts of compromises that are really not good for the marital relationship, what we end up doing is that we end up creating a false sense of an illusion of harmony, a false sense of harmony, even though there is really no harmony taking place, it is just that somebody has decided to give up

their sense of self to become whom the other person want them to be. And as such, we pay a very dear price. And that is, who are we if we gave up our values, if we gave up our principles, compromise does not take place with values and principles. But rather what we do is that we compromise our interests, we compromise our hobbies, we compromise our preferences, we compromise our activities. And what have you. Another point that is also crucially as important, besides people giving in to last now is we have what we call getting into material seduction, we really are seduced by material.

This is the VB exercise. They had a very nice exercise done again in the US where they had a group of men and women. And you know how we talk all the time, we say money does not matter to me. As long as he's a good person, he comes from a good family and upright character, a good Muslim, that's what I want, right? That's what everybody would say. So one day, they had a group of men and a group of women. And they said, We are about to describe a man for you and describe a woman for you and tell us if you were to consider them for marriage. So they began with the ladies and they said, ladies, a man who is very kind hearted, very, very sociable and approachable. He is a very loving, you know,

he makes a very loving father. And he is just a person that makes everybody around him laughs He is very kind. And he is just an extremely, extremely decent person of an upright character. How many of you would consider talking to this man for marriage? So every single hand in the room, all the women, they all raised their hands, and they said, we know about this person. And we would consider that person for marriage. They said, Fine, said, well, there is another man who happens to be very rude. And he is very rigid. And he is just very full of himself. He's not approachable, and he's not very sociable. And he is not the person that you want to be around with. How many of you would

consider such a man for marriage? So no hand went up in the room. They said, Well, we forgot to tell you two pieces of information about or one piece of information about Bozeman. Remember that loving, kind, very funny man, sociable, approachable, man. There is one thing about him. He's a garbage collector, how many of you would still consider him for marriage, the hands that went up the first time did not go up the second time. Now, they said the person that we told you about who happen to be very rude and very harsh and all of that, we forgot to tell you that he is also a very high level General Manager, and he happened to be extremely rich. How many of you would consider marrying that

man and few hands actually went went up? We say we really don't care for money. We say oh, we're not materialistic. But the reality is we do.

We do. And this was a beautiful demonstration of how do we do it? Everybody wanted the map. But the minute they found out that you know what, they were garbage collectors. They said, Oh, I need to think about this again. Imagine that you are a woman sitting with a group of ladies. And you're just introducing yourself to each one of them. And everyone is telling about what her husband does. So Oh, my husband is a doctor. My husband is an engineer. My husband is a manager and comes your turn. What do you say? My husband is a garbage collected. There is nothing wrong with being a garbage collector. But now how

My God, we don't want to say that. So, now, in reality is, we do care for money, that really matters to us, what the problem is, we do not want to give in to material seduction is we want people who are successful, we want people who are going to ensure a level of financial security, but that cannot be the only motive for us. So, for example, the same way that people gave into lust, some people give into material seduction, we do not want to give into material seduction, we are influenced, we are influenced by money. You know, when they say that money talks, it really does talk, money does give people virtues that they do not have, as we said the other day, so, we are

influenced by money, we are influenced by lifestyle, you know, in California, where and how you determine a person's value is to see what kind of a car do they drive in New York, it is where do they dine? Where do they eat. In London, it is in Europe, generally speaking, it is, what brand of clothes do they wear. So it seems like the material things that we have around us are making statements about us all the time, and we're influenced by this, the lifestyle that is created by money is also influential appearance is also very influential, we want to be good we are influenced by this point is that we do not want to be seduced by these things, we are influenced by power,

people love people who are in power high position, or you should consider that person do you know who her father is, her father is the mayor of such and such place or her father is the general manager of such and such plays, or you should consider this man Do you know what he does for a living. So it becomes this, we are we are also influenced by, can we, you know, he said doctors are never to be rejected, what's his name, engineers are not to be rejected, at least in some cultures, or sometimes reputation. So the same way that we do not want to get into lost, we do not want to get into material seduction. And sadly, it seems like Allahu Allah knows best that sometimes this

happens to be more important for the man that the woman is looking for that they have got to be powerful, they have to have the money, they have to have this. And we're not saying that you should not be looking for these things. But these things cannot be the only determining factor about how you are going into making your choice about the people that you are going to be spending the rest of your life with. This is another mistake that people do as well. And that is putting commitment before compatibility. These are people who have decided that this is the person that we want to be with and they have committed before they found out whether they're compatible or not. You'll know

what I'm talking about. People make the commitment to the individual, before they find out whether they are compatible with that individual or not. That is silly. You know, who does this? Children do that?

Children do these things. Study of the signature. Who does this? This is a young girl, she said there was this young boy these are in first grade, you know, she only knew his name. And she said that she was practicing her signature as Mrs. Zakaria. She was writing her name Mrs. zecharia. That's all she knows about that guy, Zachary. She's made a commitment before she sees anything, but it was childish. Sometimes we do this, we put commitment before compatibility when do you commit when there is only compatibility, putting commitment before compatibility is childish people, you do not want to do that. And that's a big mistake that people do. And unfortunately, sometimes people

make these mistakes, because of the previous reasons that we spoke about as far as pressure because of age pressure, because of family, you know, loneliness and desperation would all lead to people making a commitment to the marriage or to the relationship before they even find out whether we are compatible or not. And of course, that is not acceptable. Now, now that we have spoken about the mistakes that we want to avoid, we need to pay attention to this. Let us say, for the sake of it that we did find the right person and we are compatible for the time being as far as it looks. There are also other things that should be considered. Before we move on. You'll know where we are at this

point. We did find a person we here that we are compatible. We did not make the mistakes that we spoke about. So where do we go from this point on and before we go on to that point, we are going to take a short break and we will

We'll be back. So please stay tuned with us. Always be seen as man and wife.