Before You Say I Do – EP11 – PT 2

be seen as man and wife, fulfilling salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

And welcome back. And we will be talking about the produce section, as we have promised, have you ever seen people trying to buy a tomato? Like when they go to the market? You're trying to buy a tomato? What do people do?

You take the tomato, you look at it, you squeeze it, you check out how red it is. You look into how much green it has, how soft it is, however, why do people do this? Some people smell it. Some people take a bite, and then they put it back again. Okay. But why do people do this? Why do people do that? Because we don't want to get home with the wrong product.

We don't want to go back home to find out that Oh, the tomato that I just bought is about tomato, then you get in trouble with your wife for buying bad for tomatoes. Okay, so we do this, we do it with the tomatoes, we do it with the mango, we do it with our clothes, you buy your clothes. Have you ever seen a woman trying to buy clothes, they take that dress and they examine a bazillion times? They put it on? They show it to their friends, then they take it and show it to their neighbors and then they come back to the store. Right? Why is this because nobody wants to end up with a bad product. And sadly, sometimes we invest more time buying a tomato than we invest in

finding our life partner.

We end up investing more energy in making sure that we end up with the right dress than we do invest the time and the energy in finding our life's partner. Have you ever seen people go into buy a car? Have you ever seen a person that just walked into the lobby of the dealership and said, I like that one? How much the dealer will be surprised? What do people want? What would you like me to tell you anything about the car, not just I just like it. Nobody does this. You go in there, they open the hood and you look into it. And they tell about the specifications of the car. You even want to test drive the car and all your pictures taken when you are in the car to see how good you look in it,

then you change your mind because you don't look so good in that car. But it seems like anytime we are about to buy anything we invest, be it money, beat energy, but we invest when you decide to go to school, you just don't jump into any school. What do you do? You check out the reputation of that school, you check out how good that school is, you check out the standards of that school, why? Because you are about to invest. But what happens when you are about to invest in the most critical decision that you will take in your life? Why don't we invest enough? So what happens is that we ended up with the wrong people. Okay, now, so what are or who are these 10 type of people that we

want to avoid? Just a quick recap, we either end up in the wrong relationships for the wrong reasons, or we end up in the wrong relationship because we have ended up with the wrong person. So who are the wrong people that we do not want to end up with the person number one.

And by the way, the order that I am listing them on is this is just my own personal experience, that most of the marriages that I have seen failing, this was the order I have, but I have seen it. person number one is anybody who has any sort of addiction, people who are addicted, and we will talk about the different types of addiction, but by addiction we are talking about it's a disorder identified with the loss of control, preoccupation with disabling substances or behavior and continued use or involvement despite negative consequences. For example, people who are addicted to alcohol, there is a sense of loss of control. They are preoccupied with this disabling substance,

which is the alcohol in this case, and continue to use it even though they have seen the negative consequences of what it is that they are involved in. A person who is addicted is a person who is not free. There are three types of addiction that we will speak about very quickly. And again, this is within the Muslim community. There is an addiction of alcohol and drugs. And by the way, alcohol is a form of drugs, but somehow people do not think of alcohol as drugs but alcohol is a form of drug and then there is pornography. These are just some of them. These are the ones

We will be discussing are not necessarily the only types of addictions that are out there, when you marry an addict, and that addict could be either the man or the woman, you literally are in a triangle, here is you. And here is the spouse on here is the substance that is being abused, or the the type of addiction that this person is involved in. Not only this, but a person who is addicted to anything, is a person who is not free. They have given up control over themselves, they have lost control over who they are, and what it is that they do. And this is the person who is robbed of his ability or her ability to feel fully simply because they are constantly under some sort of

addiction, or they're are under some sort of influence outside influence. Let me give you an example just to show you how this impacts the families. In the US. When it comes to alcohol. You see that 25% of divorces take place because alcohol was somehow involved there.

Another 25% of divorce take place because gambling was involved. Another 25% of it takes place because pornography was involved. And these are all some sorts of addictions. In the US, for example, all the victims are 67% of the victims who die in fires in their house, they die because they were too drunk to carry themselves outside of the fire. Not only this, but most of the time when domestic violence is happening in the house, most of the time, drugs and alcohol are being abused. The same thing happens with pornography. And the same thing happens with drugs. And the same thing happens with alcoholism. And sometimes if we come from a background that believes in the midst

of you know what love is forever, even if my husband or my wife is involved in something like this, then it does not matter, then we are setting ourselves up for some serious trouble in life. I remember one, one sister, she came getting married. And you know, sometimes sadly, you can almost look into the situation and saying this marriage is going to go nowhere. Because this person is setting themselves up to be hurt. This person wants to play the heel. So this person comes she was fully aware that he is an alcoholic, either their marriage for them. Three years later, they came to get a divorce. And as we are sitting down before we grant the divorce and people sign the papers, I

asked you know, is this really final? Is there room for reconciliation, can I help as a counselor, and she immediately said, we're getting divorced because of his alcoholism. We have tried and it's going nowhere. He is just draining me out of life. He has sucked the life out of me. And that's it, I have to move on with my life. But it was so sad because this person has invested three years of their lives in this relationship that went nowhere. She has really wasted three years of her life. The sad part is she was aware of it from the very beginning. She knew the person was an addict he was an alcoholic, yet she went along with it what are you expecting?

It does not matter how much you love that person if they do not want to change you cannot change

it does not matter how much you want them to change. If they themselves do not want to change Guess what? They will not change. So an addict is a person that you do not want to get involved with. Same thing goes to a person who is involved in gambling, very successful engineer. Think he was even a biochemist engineer. There Mashallah had his own house had a beautiful family, beautiful children, and he was just doing very well in his profession. So one day, they decided to go to Las Vegas, Las Vegas, you know, it's a big gambling city in the US. You don't want Las Vegas. Lots and lots of losers.

Okay, so he went there. And somehow he got into this gambling, and he just loved it. And he became so obsessed with it, that he didn't even come back with his family. He remained there. He lost all the money that he had in the bank. He maxed out all his credit cards, and He even gave his house as a collateral to feed into this addiction. The person lost his family. Why is this because an addict is a person who is not completely free. This is the person that has given up control over their lives to the substance that they are addicted to

We will continue and next time we meet in sha Allah thank you for being with us. And until we see you we say so long and Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.