Before You Say I Do – EP10 – PT 1

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Yassir Fazaga

Channel: Yassir Fazaga

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Episode Transcript

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As you work together,

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Allah has given you a companion and friend to stay and always be seen as man in life, fulfilling the deen from this day forever.

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shaytani r rajim Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah praise is due to Allah, and may his peace and blessings be upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. We begin by greeting our brothers and sisters and our viewers out there saying, as salam aleikum, wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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We are talking about why marriages don't work. And we said that there are two main reasons we either marry for the wrong reason or reasons or that we may end up marrying the wrong person. And we spoke about the wrong reasons. And we said that the first one of them is pressure. And what pressure does to us is that it takes our ability, that we are taken away from our normal circumstances to make some decisions, another burden is added on to us do it because of age, do it because of family issues, do it because of legal issues, be it because of friends and what have you, this comes in as a burden. And that takes away some of our reasonableness and rational ability to make a sound

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decision. And we said that nobody should make such a vital decision when they are in that situation, do not make a decision. As big as marriage. While you are a person should not be pressured into marriage, rather, we should look forward to it and something that we do when we really want to not necessarily because we are being pushed into it. The second reason of why sometimes people get into marriage is because they're feeling lonely and desperate. loneliness and desperation. When people are feeling lonely or desperate, they are much more likely to make poor love choices, and end up in unfulfilling relationships, do not lower your standards at that point. What do we mean by this? I

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remember one time a sister called me and she said that such and such person is proposing to me. What do you think he said that he knows you?

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And I told the Sister, please do not consider this person.

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I do not think that he's a good match for you of what I know of him. And if he asks you as to why you are not considering him, make sure that you tell him that Yes, sir said so.

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And I remember I hung up the phone, and I called the brother and I said, by the way, such and such sister just called me. And she said, Do you make a good husband? And I said, No, you don't. And I advised her not to consider you as a potential husband. Of course, he was not very thrilled about what I said. This is the person that I know, whenever they felt lonely, they go to the phone, and they start calling people left and right. Because there is just you know, they were in a situation that you know, they were single living by themselves. He was a student, and it was summertime is not taking much classes. He was feeling lonely. So he would just start calling people up. And he would

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start talking marriage to people that he knows deep in his heart, he will never ever consider marrying. But he was doing it because he was just lonely. Now, some people, they just don't do this, what they do is that because they are lonely, they actually get married to add some excitement into their lives. They get married, very similar to the people who were pressured into it. Now these people because they are lonely, they go into the marriage. And what happens at that point is that people end up lowering their standards. Now I say there, you are not a store. What does that mean? You're not a store?

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What happens in the store when they want to get rid of their products? What do they do make sale? What do they do? They lower their prices. They lower where you know what it's 50% off. Sometimes they lie to us. They say it's 50% of but they haven't really done anything. But we go in and say that was great price right there. And it was just the same price from yesterday, at any case. So what happens to the store is when they want to get rid of their products that they don't want, they lower their prices. Similarly, sometimes because we're just so lonely, we are so desperate. What happens is we lower our standards. And when we lower our standards, we end up compromising our

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principles. Many times I get phone calls, you know, in the masjid, where people say, I am either getting old or I am feeling lonely. I really need to get married. I need help. I just need somebody and sometimes it gets scary.

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Reach out, because some people say, you know what, I am really getting old, my chances of having a baby are becoming very slim. I want to get married to make sure that at least I have a baby before it's too late for me. And the minute that you're thinking this way, what happens, you end up lowering your standards. The minute you lower your standards, you end up compromising, you compromise your principles, you are creating a recipe of disaster for you and for your future family. So similar to pressure, do not get into marriage simply because out of loneliness, or out of desperation, that will not work, avoid making a decision, because you are feeling this way. And by

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the way, one of the beauties of marriage is that life can be very lonely, when you are by yourself, it's very lonely, you want to be with somebody, especially if you are a man or a woman, you want to be with somebody who's from the opposite sex, it's exciting to be with a woman, if you're a man, it is exciting to be with a man if you are a woman, it is very fulfilling, it gives you that opportunity, that ability to fully exercise and experience what it means to be a man or what it means to be a male, when you are in the company of a woman or when you are in the company of a female. And this type of loneliness, by the way, can never be filled up by friends, it cannot,

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friends, do not replace our wives or husbands, friends are nice, he goes there to them or what have you. But remember what we said about that genuine person who is unconditionally devoted to your emotional well being and what have you, when we do not have this in us, that leaves us very unfulfilled, and that can leave us very lonely. And when we become lonely and desperate, we become vulnerable. We do not want to put ourselves in that situation. Okay. And that is a very important point there. Another reason or another wrong reason why people get married is the idea of sexual hunger. Remember, pressure takes different forms. It can either be due to age due to family due to

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friends due to challenges of the law. And sometimes the pressure is not outside of us. The pressure is within us. The pressure is within us. It is the community that decided what age is appropriate for me to get married. These are my friends who are pushing me into it. It's my family circumstances, you know, it is my legal challenges. But now, the pressure here is coming from within. And this is part of it is what we refer to as sexual hunger, or what they call sexual hunger limit sh L, what is your sexual hunger limit? What happens is that when people start thinking, be a man or a woman, you're constantly thinking about, you know, having your sexual needs being

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satisfied. And we live at a time where sex is all over the place. No matter what it is, sex nowadays sells. You want to have an advertisement or a commercial for Coke or Pepsi or soda. Somehow there is a sexual scene in where they make movies, they make sure that I include sexual scenes and they're about to sell any product. And for some reason, things after Zack and I said this the other day, usually when it is a motorcycle commercial. It's usually a woman, even though it's not most women that ride motorcycles, but somehow what it does is that these sexual scenes are very captivating, reregistered. Well, in your mind, billboards are very famous for this. You make any sexual

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insinuation, any sexual suggestion, it sticks in people's mind.

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When the DSL came out, you all know the DSL, that is when you are able to be on the phone and access the internet as well at the same time from your phone line. When that first came out, there was a big billboard advertisement for it. And it was done in such a way that there was this young woman she was on the computer, but at the same time, she was also on the phone. And what does the caption read? I said now with DSL, I can talk to my fiance and at the same time chat was my boyfriend. So wait a minute, said I can now talk to my fiance. And chat was my boyfriend at the same time mean what message is being sent out there? fiance is the person supposedly that you made a commitment to

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and a boyfriend but it was suggestive. And it was sexually suggestive. So we have all these sexual scenes that we see almost in daily basis that we are bombarded with all the time. We can reject these notions but nowadays

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It's almost impossible to escape them. They are all over the place, the magazines that we buy, the newspapers that we buy, the news that you watch the television that you turn on, sometimes even when that is not the case. And you may choose not to have a newspaper not to have a TV, nothing, just by merely walking out onto the street, you see the billboards all over the place around you. Sometimes it's on the buses that you ride on. Sometimes it's on the taxis that drive by you. Sometimes it is just the people on the street who are around you. So we cannot escape these things. And what happens is that the more we are bombarded with this, you know, naturally speaking, we become, you know, this

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is something that's in us, and somebody is constantly suggesting it to us. So what happens is that we start thinking about it to the point that sometimes we are obsessed, thinking about this. And at that point, we say I don't want to do anything that is haram, I just want to get married. Now as much as I appreciate the sentiment of people not wanting to do anything that is haram. But you must look beyond You know what, I am not getting married, simply not to do the Haram, you must also want to get married sexual fulfillment is part of why we want to get married. But remember this, the suggestion that is made sometimes is if we have got serious and beautiful sexual relationship, it

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means that everything is going to be okay. And that is not the case. Sex is only part of marriage. What happens is that when people become when they make decisions, when they are in the state of you know, they have reached their sexual hunger limit, we tend to compromise major issues, major issues are compromised. We can only speak and think of the other person in physical terms. Are they going to be sexually fulfilling to me? Or are they not going to be sexually fulfilling to me? Now? How long does that take? It may take an hour, but then within the day, there are 23 hours left, what are you going to do? We can have sex 24 hours a day, you cannot do that. So what happens to the rest of

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the time when the person is not having sex? Is this the person that you would want to be with when that is going on? So that's what we won't say we want to say that never make a decision simply because this is how you are feeling rather acknowledge this and then deal with it. And we will be talking about this topic when we come back from break. So please do stay tuned and we will be back shortly.