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The Etiquettes Associated with Welcoming A Newborn – Ask Shaykh YQ #183
Channel: Yasir Qadhi
Series: Yasir Qadhi - Ask Shaykh YQ
File Size: 26.55MB
Adhān, Aqīqā, Ṣadaqa, etc
Episode Transcript ©
Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate and at times crude. We are considering building a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system. No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.
Mr. Sameera from New Zealand emails, Mashallah beautiful land over there hamdulillah I have not had the opportunity to visit your beautiful country. She emails from New Zealand and she says that she is expecting and she wants to know the summary of what is to be done. When the child is born, what is the adapter, the etiquettes of the newborn? what is and isn't from the sooner and also some advice in this regard.
Kobe league in Regia No Hey la him first.
Now this is a very, very important question and I thought that this actually deserves a mini lecture in reality. So this inshallah we'll be doing for most of our time today, because indeed, it is one of the main aspects of our life that Allah azza wa jal blesses us We are all born and then we grow up and we have we get married and then we have our own children. It is one of the primary milestones of life and it is also one of the greatest blessings that Allah subhana wa tada has given us a lot of Sojin mentions in the Quran, that the dinar can be acquired in Weber Nina, which are now conducted on a Fira that we we aided you, we blessed you with money and with children. And Allah
says in the Quran, Allah Allah will be known as Zenith will hire to dunya wealth and children are the beautification of this world. It's what makes life beautiful. And Allah mentions a sort of tunnel, Allahu Giada de comida fusuma as weijun and Allah created from you spouses from amongst you, what you either coming as Why'd you come Bernina, what half and from your spouse's, he blessed you children and grandchildren. So Allah azza wa jal explicitly tells us that he's blessing us with children and grandchildren. And he asks us to be thankful of those blessings. So it is indeed a great blessing from Allah, and those of us that are blessed with children, we understand those
blessings, those of us that are tested to not have children, we accept a loss either. And we continue to try for as long as we're able to try, and we accept Allah, because Allah has a divine plan for everything. So the question our sister asked Is that what is to be done when the child is born? And of course, first and foremost, I congratulate her for the birth of her first child, she tells us that it is her first child. And to mention to her that, in fact, our odema have, in fact written many, many pages. And in fact, one of the famous scholars of our tradition, ignore him when his son, you know, got married and was expecting the couple was expecting at the time, he wasn't
able to give them monetary gifts. So what did he do? That's what scholars do, he wrote a book to gift on the birth of his grandson. And he basically in our vernacular, dedicated even though it's not the way they will do it, but he basically wrote an entire treaties, which is called treffert and modu Campbell mode, it is a mini volume, which is considered to be one of the most authoritative and comprehensive references when it comes to the etiquettes of giving birth and the etiquettes of what to do when the child is born. And he wrote this because of his own personal situation, and the birth of a grandson. So we congratulate our sister, and we and use this opportunity to summarize some of
this book and also other sources as well realize that children are, of course, not only a blessing from Allah subhanho wa Taala. But of course, they're also going to be a test and a trial and tribulation. So with the blessing also comes responsibility. So you now have to change your mindset, you're going to become a parent, you're no longer you know, free and innocent and young, you now have a child that will be looking up to you and taking from you. And so it's not just the issue of the list that we're going to give, actually, I will begin my advice to change your frame of mind. Now, to be honest, this is one of the most significant changes of any human beings life, that when a
child is born, that is their child, when they become a father or a mother, now you actually have a blessing from Allah, that is also going to be a test and your manners and your tickets are going to be reflected what you do, how you act, your religiosity, it will become a role model. We all know that children learn from observation more than they learn from lectures. So you will be the primary role model of another human being. And if you are not being a good role model, then on the Day of Judgment, that other human being can potentially say, Oh Allah, you know, this parent didn't teach me properly. This mother, this Father Himself, herself, did X, Y and Z. And that's why I did it. And
you know, whether Allah accepts that excuse or not, but they can make that excuse they can, you know, use you as an evidence again, so you really have to think long and hard about your own lifestyle and your own shortcomings.
And try your best to perfect them as much as possible. We'll never be perfect. But my point here is that use the birth of your child to motivate you to increase your own relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala to better that relationship and to become a positive role model, look at your own personal mistakes and try to minimize them and see where what are the areas that you're missing, and try to maximise on those areas so that it's shallow to under you can cover up any gaps that you have. And most importantly, obviously, before I get to the actual you know, what is to be done when the child is born, you know, most importantly due to Allah subhanho wa Taala. You remember, modem,
the mother of ERISA, you know, and Miriam is mother as well before her, they were making dua to Allah subhana wa Tada, they're making dua for righteous progeny, yeah, he's making dua for righteous progeny. So make dua that this child becomes righteous that this child is a comfort for you and the peace of the eyes as Allah says in the Quran, that of the of the characteristics of the righteous is that they say, Robin Habana mean as YG. Now whether he Athena kurata Aryan which Andalucia Tina imama, so make dua to Allah, that of your spouse and your children, they will be comforting for your eyes, there will be something that will make you happy and proud. And that, of course, the reason
being one of the reasons being, that your child will not only maintain your legacy, but will also give you good deeds when you are gone. That's another reason you need to think about having a good child. And it's a selfish reason. But it's a good selfish You know, there's something called good self or sometimes you can motivate yourself with the hell out selfish motivation. I want rewards from Allah, that's where I'm going to be good, okay, be good and expect the rose from Allah nothing wrong with that. So, another motivation, our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that a righteous child is one of the three things that continues to give you good deeds after you have
moved on. So you want to have a righteous child, because one of the reasons being when you are gone, that child will be a source of Baraka and a source of care and a source of sanity and good deeds. And it is authentically reported that it is our Profit System said that sometimes your apparent ranks will be raised up in gender. And he will say, oh, Allah, how is this happening? What's going on? Why am I getting the free upgrade, and the Allah will tell him because your child your son, your daughter was making to offer you was making this the fall for you did a good deed for you. So that is being raised up. So the children have an impact on the status of the parents when the parents are
gone. Therefore, for all of these reasons, and more, you need to change your mindset and try your best to be a positive role model for your child. Now your question was specific, what are the job of the newborn what is to be done when the child is born? So a number of points we will mention, first and foremost, obviously, the appreciation, the sense of shocker to Allah subhanho wa Taala, to appreciate this blessing, how many are the people that you know, Allah has tested and they shall get the rewards in the next life, but in this world, they might not have children, how many are those that are struggling, that are striving and they're not able to. And so Allah has blessed you with a
great blessing. And with that blessing comes a sense of responsibility and the sense of thankfulness. So this is the first thing and this goes back to the frame of mind. The second thing that I will advise you is to think of a beautiful name. And this goes back, in fact, to the Sunnah of our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that our Prophet sallallahu it he was sending would love to choose Beautiful Names. And in fact, it is reported that when his son was about to be born with your loved one, the grandson of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that Ali and Fatima had a different name in mind, they came and presented it to the Prophet salallahu. It he was setting up
and he said to them, no name him hasn't, which of course has that means the good, the beautiful, the handsome hasn't means good. That's literally what it means the good, the good boy hasn't so hasn't means that when you say excellent, what not. So he changed the name to something positive. And also because it rhodiola has suggested a name that wasn't as positive. And also a number of times people converted, and they had negative names, or they had names with negative meanings. And our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam changed those meanings to positive. So a positive name is one of two, either the name itself has a good meaning to it, okay, so Abdullah, Abdul Rahman is means the slave
or the worshipper of Allah, or, you know, hesson, you know, the good boy, you know, so, or, you know, Amar, for example, you know, is the means the one who's going to be living a good life. So you can have lots of good meanings. And by the way, you don't have to restrict yourself to Arabic, you might speak multiple languages. So you may find a name in your language that has a good meaning to it, and you may choose that meaning and a second, good meaning or a second name that has a positive connotation is the name of somebody righteous in our historical past. And so it will become a legacy, it will become something that the child can look up to
So any of the ambia of Allah or any of the prophets of Allah, or any of the Sahaba, or any of the great scholars of Islam, so there's a role model, a legacy that the child can look up to. And you can tell the child Hey, you know, you were named after so and so. And so there's going to be a role model linkage over there. Now, the question arises, is this watch it or not? And the response is, no, it's not why'd you not watch it at all, if you wish to, you might choose a name that simply has a pleasant sound to the ear, but it doesn't have any meaning to it, many of the names are like that. So even, for example, the name of Abu Bakar. Of course, when we say it, we think of the Sahaba, or
the Allah one, but Abu Bakar himself when his when the name was chosen, generally speaking, a worker doesn't really have an meaning that is used or intended, it's just a common, you know, name for the time being. So it doesn't, it's not wajib, that the name have a positive meaning, however, it is better and encouraged to do so also, again, to be reasonable and realistic, that you don't have to check the new meanings of the name against all the languages of the world know, the language that you are speaking and accustomed to in your culture, and perhaps the culture that you're living in. And perhaps the Arabic I would say, these are the three cultures for most of us living in, you know,
as expatriates or as second third generation, however, we are living in these lands, that I think it is reasonable to say that the culture of our language of our forefathers, along with the language of the community we live in, along with the language of our scripture, which is the Arabic language that within these two or three languages, if you look, no, no negative meaning should be there. Anything beyond this, I mean, there's some obscure language of the world who's gonna it's not your responsibility. But definitely, if there's a negative meaning, if there's a vile meaning in any of these languages, it's not wise. In fact, it might even be mcru, or even how long depending on what
the meaning is. And if it's done intentionally or not. So make sure the meaning is a positive meaning Oh, by the way, before I move on, again, this is all 1.2 of the meaning, a lot of times discussion rises, who has the right to name the child, and this is not a discussion that should go to legal terms, rather, it should be done by mutual consultation, it should be done with the parents and the extended family. And then at the end of the day, obviously, it is the husband and wife who will make the final decision. And between the two, we should not invoke law, no marriage is going to flourish. If that law is invoked, right, there should be by mutual agreement and consultation and
try their best to come to a happy means or even if it means this child you will name the next time I will name whatever that might be, you should be done within the confines of the marriage. And by the way, obviously, you know, it's always permissible to name the child more than one name. So you know, you have two names, and then the family name, no problem, whether that also has resulted in the compromise of many arguments between the couples about the naming of the child. So this is the the next thing that the name should be chosen. And many of the roadmap, they recommended that the name be announced on the seventh day, but this is just a recommendation. These days, the culture is that
as soon as the child is born, and also because you must put the services certificate, so nothing wrong with doing that before again, these are the minutiae, the very small, you know, around the Earth of the early outcomes was quantified, and it was made something normative. And that's nothing wrong with that. But in the cultures that we live in, the baby's not going to go home, sometimes until you name the baby, obviously, we'll have to name the baby immediately, no problem. But if any, in some cultures, it is possible,
it might be preferred to follow the Sundar and announced the name on the seventh day. And as I said, it's not something that should be delayed if there's a need, you know, to name the child. The other issue that the vast majority of our fuqaha. And what had the theme have encouraged and this is the I would say the default position of pretty much the bulk of the oma including ignore palladium himself and others in this regard, that the advance should be given in the right ear of the child. This is something that is pretty much the default of the majority of the oma with some dissenting voices. And this is based upon a hadith reported in Timothy and Abu Dawood, that abordar Pharaoh said, I saw
the Prophet salallahu it he was seldom give the other man in the ear of Al hesson when al Hassan was born to it and Fatuma, so whether it has to be a loved one was born, I saw the Prophet salallahu it who was telling him give the van in the in his ear and tell me the who narrated the Hadith he said it is it has no so here it is a good and authentic hadith. And pretty much the bulk of the oma has
acted upon this hadith. Emma nawawi, the famous scholar unknowingly he says the Sunnah is that the other can be given in the ear of the child whether it is a boy or a girl, and it is the event of the Salah it is done the way that you give the advent of the sort of obviously you said in a small voice because it's a newborn child. You don't want to scream in the chocolates here. That's not this one. So you lower your voice and you just whisper into newborns, child's ear, and then he mama No, we says and a group of our scholars said that
The advance should be given in the right ear and the farmer should be given in the less left ear and he ma'am and no we then said Walker the jaw I'ma do Naseby daddy fella, but it's a bit family B, and this is what the people have done. This is the default of the of the people. So there is no problem in doing this is the great one of the greatest of the Shafi scholars in a name that is a household name, which is Imam and no worry. Also, the famous scholar Emmanuel Bahati of the Hanbury madhhab. He says in the famous book, Shackleton as well, that and it is sooner to give the Adhan of the to the newborn in the right ear, whether it is a boy or a girl and to give the armor in the left ear.
And this is based on the editor of raffia. And in Aberdeen, the Hanafi also says pretty much a similar thing in his hatia that one of the times that the advice should be given is for the newborn child. Now this is the default position of these three math hubs. In the Maliki school, by the way, some of the scholars especially the early Meineke madhhab, they did not consider this to be something that should be done.
And within the Maliki school, there is a bit of a controversy some of the later scholars allowed this now, this controversy was sort of taken to a different level, a generation ago one particular great scholar of Hadith, he began to claim that it is a bita to give in the in the year and of course, scholars have the right to give their positions and others have the right to to correct or to clarify, I am not aware of any scholar before this, who said that it is a bidder. And if even somebody said it is definitely not something that was commonly known the default position of the of the schools of law of the three schools at least was that advance should be given. Now he based this
on the claim that the Hadith is weak. And Firstly, that is contested. Other scholars have said it is not weak, remember, tirmidhi was amongst them. And even if it is weak, and most likely, it is slightly weak, even if it is weak, I think the main point that needs to be stressed Is that pretty much the default position, the vast majority of the scholars have always considered that it is permissible to act upon a weak Hadith when it comes to generic good issues. So to to, to to rephrase, one can say, why would it be a problem that the first thing that the child hears is the decree of a law? Why do we want to problematize something that is something that is so
inconsequential when the bulk of the oma has adopted it? So I would recommend, as you mama know, we recommended and as the vast majority of scholars recommended that, yes, the advance should be given in the right to win a soft voice. And as for the former, if you don't do it, because the Heidi for the Arma is definitely you know, far more of a weak If not, if not moonga are very rejected if you like, but even if you did it on the concept or not because of the Hadith, there is nothing wrong with it. And if you left it because there's no authentic hadith, not even alive Hadith about the karma, if you left it and that too would be something that would be permissible, don't make it a big
deal is the point. But definitely the Adhan should be given in the right ear, and this should be one of the earliest things that is done. And of course, the point being that we want the vicar of Allah and the Kadima and the name of the prophets assumed to be mentioned very early on in the child's life, the first day of the child being born. The next add up that is mentioned by our early scholars, is the issue of technique. And technique was done by the professors and multiple times. In fact, there's multiple Hadith in Sahih, Muslim and others and Timothy and others, that that the children when they were born, you know, their mothers would send them, you know, with somebody else,
maybe if they couldn't come themselves to the prophets of Allah while he was sending them. So the newborn would come to Him be presented to him, and he would take a small bit of a date, and then chew it so that it is digestible, and then that date, he would put it into the mouth of the the child This is called technique. Now the issue comes, why was this done? And depending on that, then the scholars differed. Should it be done in our times or not? One group of scholars said it was done, because we want a date to be the first thing that the child tastes. So we want to like you know, make the date and of course we chew it a little bit and give it so that we want the data to be
the first thing that the child tastes. Now, if that is the case, then it should still be done it Why not? If it's sooner for that reason, let let it be sooner. Another group of scholars said no, it was done for the Baraka for the blessings of the saliva of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam and then if that is the case, then that door is shut because obviously, you know we do not seek that type of Baraka from anyone other than the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So depending on your frame of mind here, and if you ask me,
I my assumption is that they did this you know, for the bulk of the saliva of the Prophet
Lola while he was selling them, and so that would probably be the default. Nonetheless, if somebody does it thinking that it is sooner to have a little bit of a date in the mouth of the child, then this is a valid interpretation. And it is something that does there are plenty of ideas in this regard. So we don't know the psychology of why it was done. So if somebody does this thinking that this is the sooner to be done for the child, there's plenty of it, that it can be understood. And in fact, do you remember no, we once again, remember, no, we mentioned that this is a practice that was done with the Falcon root Mr. Basically, by the vast majority or the consensus of the of the
scholar. So again, no big deal if you do this, as well. And if you leave it, then also no big deal. Because again, it goes back to why it was done by the Prophet salallahu. It he was sending him. The next edit that is mentioned in many books, including inoculums book as well, is that the hair of the newborn should be shaved off on the seventh day, or early or after, I mean, again, the issue of seventh day or 14 day, these are all very minor recommendations, you don't have to, you know, be radically difficult if it's not possible to bring the barber or to do something, it's not a big deal, whatever dates done, but it is definitely soon. All of these are assuming that by the way it
is so no, it is sooner to shave the hair of the of the of the newborn. And the majority of scholars have said this is done for boys. And some have also said for girls, and again, you know, it's easy going whichever one you follow, it's not a big deal. And so the majority have said this is done for boys only. So you shave off the hair of the of the child. And this is something that again, the majority of them are considered to be recommended for the for the baby boy. And then to give some charity that is called quote unquote, the weight of the hair. Now the weight of the hair does not mean that you actually go and wait it, it means a very small amount, like 510 dollars or something a
few dollars, even really just the weight of the hair of silver. And that means a very, very, very insignificant amount of silver. In other words, you give some charity when the child is born. And so this is another thing that should be done to give charity and to shave off the hair of the newborn baby boy, and that's for the girl. The majority said it should not be done. It's really meant for the boys and a minority group said, even girls, it doesn't matter. Both of them can be done. So again, these are all trivial issues which position you follow in this regard. The next issue that is is also explicitly mentioned in the Hadith is the issue of the appeal. The issue of the article, and
the article is the name given to the sacrifice that is done of an animal when the child is born, and our profits of the law while he was selling themselves kulu what hola min or Hina to get it he that every single child is basically in limbo meaning Yeah, there's a lot of commentary, what does this mean? But it basically means that they should be freed, if you like, by the article, and this is a metaphorical freedom, obviously, they should be freed by the article. So the article should be done on the seventh day. And the prophets ism said in this hadith as well, will you some fee, the name should be announced on this day, and will you correct so and the hair should be shaved off. So this
is the Hadith where all of these adapt are coming from. So the data is done for the newborn, and as you should try to do the article for the seventh day or the 14th or the 21st. And if that is not possible, than any day that is reasonable, you can do the article and portions of the meat of the article should be given to the poor. And if you want to invite people over as well, they may be invited. And the minimal that should be done is at least one goat or sheep for the baby girl and two for the baby boy. And so some celebration should be done in this regard and the meat distributed for the people. And if you want to do more than that is also not a problem. And the the issue also comes
the the haitang, which is the circumcision. And for us as Muslims, as we know, the circumcision, according to the correct opinion is actually obligatory for males, that males must be circumcised and there is no explicit date to circumcise the boy. And different cultures have had different dates for the circumcision. But obviously the earlier that is done, the better that it is. And so circumcision is something that is obligatory for men. As for the issue of the very controversial issue of female genital mutilation or FGM. There is no question that this practice as it is done in some portions of Africa and other places that this practice is completely under Slavic and baseless,
the way that it is performed and the way that it is done and the goals of this practice. This is nothing short of actual mutilation and it is sinful for anybody to
do that which is done in those lands. And if you are not aware, then I don't want to go into graphic detail, but it is something that is without a doubt how long an impermissible and it is sinful and it is an evil practice that needs to be completely eradicated and spoken out against there is no such thing as this notion of female genital mutilation or FGM. That is done in some lands. And by the way, this is not an Islamic practice. Some people link this this practice to Islam. But in fact, this is something that is done in those cultures. Some of those people are Muslim, some of them are Christian, some of them are animus and pagans. So it is that a particular group of subcultures have
one particular region that, that practices this barbaric practice, which is painful, it is potentially lethal. The child many times the baby girl dies as a result of this, and it destroys marital life completely destroys marital life. And it is, without a doubt something that is forbidden in our Shetty. So we need to be very clear about that regard. male circumcision is obligatory upon the newborn. As for the Convert, there's a whole different controversy, we're not going to go there but for the newborn child in the the default is that it is obligatory, and female genital mutilation as it is practiced in these areas and whatnot is completely against the teachings
of Islam. So these are some of the main summaries of the adopt of the newborn. And then of course, after all of this comes the psychology of raising a child, and I have given a number of talks about this about what is to be done and, and I began my lecture as well mentioning the the role model status that parents have, and the responsibility that they should feel in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa Taala. One other thing could be mentioned as well, and that is, it is customary. And this is found from the status of the Sahaba. And the early scholars, it is customary that when you hear of the birth of your of a new boy or girl like you, your your friends or your relatives or whatnot,
that you make dua for the person, as soon as you hear as soon as you're told, and there are phrases from or there are phrases from the thought of the Sahaba that you know, may Allah bless you know, the newborn, and may you be thankful to the one who gave you but you can really just make any drop that you want. So the default and this is part of our tradition and culture. When something good like this happens, and we hear of it, we make do art from the heart for our family, for our loved ones for any friend for any acquaintance that we hear, we make dua and Allah knows whose da is going to be accepted. So this was the answer to your question.
people, he can