Channel: Yasir Qadhi
Series: Yasir Qadhi - Ask Shaykh YQ
Yes. Okay. So my question is from pharmacy, it says the so called rogering possible. How should young Muslim Americans approach relationships? both online and in person? Can you repeat the first part? I didn't hear you.
is so called about dating possible. So called halaal dating, Yamato do something when they tell me.
Somebody I should know about. I don't know what's going on. This is a very awkward question for me. Okay.
mean Kobe league in Region No, he lay him first.
So yeah, model vinyasa, so called halaal dating.
As I said earlier,
one needs to be very, very careful going down this avenue. Again, everybody thinks that they're qualified to keep their emotions in check, everybody, but nobody even knows the strength of their emotions once. Once that love begins to grow. Realize that first loves are the most passionate, because there's never been a previous experience and realize that, at that stage and age of one's life, it is definitely something like the hold on says intoxicating. So my advice would be that never should a young man or woman go down this path without the parents or the elders knowing never should that happen because it is helpful to meet for the sake of getting to know one other political
marriage. Nobody's denying that. The problem comes when you open this door to start meeting people at random. And you have in your mind, oh, I'm gonna date 10 sisters, and then choose which one? No, nobody's saying that. We're talking about a young man and young woman, they have an intuition that, hey, we're going to be good for one another, they talk to their parents, their parents say, Okay, fine. It's a life commitment. You can't just meet once and then decide, you're going to have to meet a few times praise the hora those meetings should be done with the knowledge of other people right? Now, can they be done in a public place that, you know is not private. So again, this is literally
literally on the line of you know, danger versus not, as long as the parents are aware. And it is a public place. Technically, this is hella as long as the goal is marriage. But the problem comes the Western culture, the goal is not marriage, the goal is to hook up that's not the the issue. The issue in Islam is that if both parties literally have the goal, I want to get married. And I want to see is this person right for me or not? If that is this frame of mind, right? Then insha Allah Allah, they can meet up, I'm not going to call the dating because that is a whole different connotation, they can meet up. And within a few times there is the knowledge of whether there's a
competitive compatibility or not, you see, and again, this is to all the young men and women listening. You don't need to meet somebody for 234 years to figure out whether their life partners or not, you need to meet a few times. See, is there a rapport chemistry, ask some questions about life and whatnot, and then practice the hora and then speak to the elders and and make your decision after that. After this, you're simply convoluting. You're not going to make up your mind any more by meeting for years and years. It doesn't work that way. The Western culture in this regard is very different than our Islamic values for us. There's no doubt that sometimes culture has made things
very difficult. And I understand that we need to therefore differentiate between culture and between and between religion. And again, things change. So on Mars, grandparents, my parents, they never spoke one word to each other until the day of their marriage. My father, my father was decided my grandparents decided who the bride would be. And in front of everybody, he just came to see my my mother, they weren't married yet. And the whole living room, no conversation, and they've been married Mashallah 52 years as a Marlowe's 53 actually, Mashallah, right now?
Is that something that's going to happen in this generation? Should we do this with the next generation? Should I choose a bride for a modern then that doesn't work that way does it is not going to happen? So what is the middle ground? Where is that? Where is that we have to be frank and discuss right? And I I'm encouraging you all who are watching here to speak to your parents. I'm encouraging you that you know best how to approach this topic. It's a very awkward topic. If you feel embarrassed to go through your older cousins, or nephews or sorry, your uncles and aunts go to people that know your parents and lay out you know, this is what I have in mind before you decide
you know, make sure these these conditions are met.
These are very awkward conversations fully understandable. At the same time, you cannot just ignore our Shetty up and ignore your parents as well. Because also, here's another point. And I know this might be one question as well. Dear young men and women,
navigating through your spouse and your parents is one of the fundamental dramas of every human being. Okay? Romeo and Juliet, it's not just 500 years ago, every single case is going to be different. And you're going to face this issue. Make sure that you take into account your parents do have some right over you. I'm not saying they have veto power. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. I'm not saying that. But I'm saying never completely cut them off. Because at the end of the day, you know, you will need your parents if something happens, the marriage is not certain. Your parents for certain will always be your parents. Okay? Keep that point in mind. When you're 2122 23.
The concept of divorce will never crossed your mind that's really great and nice and naive and innocent. But in reality, you know, as you're aware, statistics are not very, very comforting. So be pragmatic, be realistic. Speak to your elders pray is the Hata to Allah subhana wa Tada. And back to your question about halal dating and if there's anything you need, tell me I'm and we'll talk tonight inshallah. But otherwise, I don't consider this to be dating. We should not use the term dating, we should say, if a young man and a young woman
understand that they are talking to one another for the sake of Nika. And their parents are aware, then this is something that is permissible as long as the Islamic protocols are done. Other than this, we should keep this door shut because opening this door of just random
people meeting up is eventually going to lead to that which is how on a lender's best