TaSeel #42
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Channel: Yaser Birjas
Series: Yaser Birjas - Ta'Seel
File Size: 66.48MB
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AI Generated Summary ©
The speakers discuss the meaning of deen and deen in the Bible, emphasizing the importance of healthy marriage and finding a partner at a certain level of success. They stress the association between beauty and satisfaction, the importance of finding a person with a specific language, and the importance of finding a person with a specific language in finding a partner. The negative impact of highossilates on women is also discussed, with a recommendation to stop and start again next week. The speakers emphasize the importance of educating oneself about the benefits of reducing risk and avoiding confusion in life, and the need for more research on the impact of highossilates on cancer patients.AI Generated Transcript ©
Welcome you back to Tarsil class. We're gonna
start inshallah with the book number 1, which
is the book Imam Abu Qudam
We already speak on on the book of,
marriage.
And now, inshallah, in in the section 2,
speaking about what he calls
tibil ishra, as Allah says in the Quran,
treat them in kindness and kindly.
So what's the meaning of of saying gracious
companionship or tibulation between a husband and wife?
So he has a few points for us,
inshallah ta'ala. We begin with that. Bismillah.
Bismillah Ibrahim,
he says,
for one to have a good marriage, the
wife should have the following characteristics.
Now I wanna spring to your attention one
more time that since the, we said that
last last week,
since the the man is the one who
proposes to the marriage. The man who's the
one who's pursued that marriage. And the lady,
she's in the receiving end. So that's why
when the recommendation comes, usually the recommendation comes
for the man who's come to his choices.
That doesn't mean that the woman should actually
ignore her, preference and characteristic, which she's gonna
speak about towards the end, inshallah.
But that's why he addresses the the subject
from man's perspective of it. So he says,
look. For a marriage to be successful, for
that compassion to be successful,
A husband or a man should be looking
for these qualities in a wife. And what
are these qualities right now?
The first and most important trait is religiousness
deen for the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam
said, choose the one who is religious.
And a religious wife will ruin her spouse's
religiousness
and trouble his heart with jealous feelings so
that his life will be in turmoil. So
now when it comes to subject of deen,
it's very obvious when
he says
A lady is south for marriage, for one
of the 4 qualities. She says, kala, he
says, salaam, 4 qualities. Do you guys know
these 4 qualities? What are they? Can you
tell me what these qualities are? Number 1.
The for her beauty. Number 2.
For her for, male, means for her wealth.
Number 3. The lineage means her her her
family line, bloodline, mashaAllah. And number 4,
subject to deen. So when the prophet salallahu
alaihi wa sallam gave the recommendation, he says
what?
You seek the one who's religious, may you
be blessed.
Now what's the meaning of saying religious, because
he did not expand that in much details.
Obviously, there's not the place for it. But
when it come to the subject of being
jealous, he said, the one who's not jealous
is gonna cause problem.
How so?
Because he's now if she's not religious, no
matter how much he tries to be religious
or establish religious lifestyle in the household, is
not gonna work.
She's not she's gonna defy that. She's not
gonna be a a recipient of this, and
so it's gonna cause a lot of problem
and damage in the relationship in the household.
So that would affect his iman, his practice
of the deen.
The second thing he says, kal, azrat bihi,
it could also cause him harm in terms
of humiliation, reputation.
She doesn't care about her boundaries with with
the opposite gender, or akhlaq and manners, and
how she speaks with the people and all
that stuff and so on. She doesn't fear
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. So that could cause
also that type of damage.
In addition to that he goes,
If now the subject of jealousy becomes a
problem, how so? One of 2 things.
Whether it's because he becomes jealous. If she's
not religious, and she doesn't maintain those
boundaries, he's gonna always be now suspicious, always
jealous about her her movements in Haqq and
in manual practices.
Or it could be the other way around.
She, because she doesn't know her religious boundaries,
what is right and what is wrong, what
is halal, what is haram, she can also
be religious be actually so jealous that would
also ruin the relationship as well. So either
way, someone without
the the proper
and
deen, they might actually cause so much damage
into the relationship. Now
when it comes to deen, I have to
bring to our attention one thing that is
very important.
There's a difference between being religious
and
being spiritual.
Being religious
and being spiritual.
So many many people, you find them to
be religious, mashaAllah. And what does that mean?
Being religious here means that they actually they
do. They do practice
the outwardly
aspect of the deen. So they pray, they
fast, they sometimes
in the first line in the masjid at
all times probably,
but that doesn't mean they become spiritual,
which means that the day yun does not
reflect in their akhlaq and their manners.
And you have some other people who might
be very very spiritual.
What does that mean? These would come to
their to their character and the khalah, they're
masha, they're amazing. But unfortunately,
they have no deen. Meaning, they only relate
that to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. They have
no interest in maybe,
doing this to seek the pleasure of the
Lord Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
So either way, it is absolutely wrong. You
need to be religious
and seek with that spirituality.
Religiosity
is your relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta,
the creator.
And
spirituality
is your relationship with the people, akhlaq and
the manners.
Being religious is when you do your duty
to Allah and being spiritual, your akhlaq and
your mas go beyond the practice. Now that's
actually what you owe the people
around you in your life. So here, Rahimahullah,
he said that would come to the deen,
he just mentioned it, you know, kind of
like generally, generally speaking. Also,
when it comes to being practical about seeing
tadayon,
let's be real these days. I mean today,
when it come to even being religious, what
does it mean even?
It's a spectrum.
Right? Those are ultra conservative,
and you have somebody who's, mashaAllah, barely, you
know, alhamdulillah, maintain the overall of the day.
There's a huge perspective, a huge active spectrum
right now when it come to the day.
So for people to get married to somebody,
you need to seek someone who's religious.
The question is, how religious are you talking
about?
How many of you how many of you
raise your hand if you would well you'll
be willing to marry somebody who is less
religious than you are.
How low are we talking about?
50%,
60%. There's there's a percentage for that. You
have to say no. That this is too
much for me. Right?
But you the vast majority would say no.
I'm not gonna marry someone who's less religious
than I am. Okay. But now how many
of you would say I would like to
marry somebody who's more religious than I am?
More religious.
The vast majority.
Right? But how high are you talking about?
How far above or ahead of you this
person is going to be? Some of us
might say, well, as as far as possible,
because I want them to do what?
To pull me up with them. Right?
But where's the dilemma over here?
The dilemma is that if you are here
at this level of religiosity,
and you are looking for someone who's above
you. Right? And we already agree that it's
actually it's rarely that anyone would look where?
To someone who below them.
So if you're looking up here, this person,
where is this is she or he's gonna
be looking for?
Higher. So how do you want them to
settle to marry you then?
So that's why a lot of people, unfortunately,
in the pursuit of a religious person, they
were never satisfied
because they're pursuing a mirage.
Something you can really accomplish easily.
So if you would like to marry somebody
at this level,
what is it that you need to do
yourself? What need to do?
Get yourself up there.
Get yourself up there so that you can
attract somebody of the same level.
But if you're unable to get there, then
what is the most reasonable thing for you?
To marry somebody where? Around the same level.
So we'll come to Al Jazari. Yes. Of
course, like it's a spectrum today, but you
need to have somebody who can you can
grow with.
Obviously, if you find somebody who's better than
you, that's
amazing. But it also comes with liability.
What is that liability?
You feel always underachieving.
They never feel satisfied with your performance. So
no matter how much you try, it's they're
still ahead of you and they're getting even,
you know, farther away while you're still on
the baby steps to get up to that
level. So always remind yourself that if you
would like to marry somebody at that certain
level, you upgrade yourself there so you can
attract someone like this. Otherwise, find someone who
has the exact same interest
in growing in their deen, and you grow
together inshallah.
Now.
The second is good characters.
An ill mannered woman brings more harm than
benefit.
So we already mentioned that earlier.
When it comes to the subject of Husnu
al Khuluk, good manners.
And this is now their relationship with whom?
With the creation. So the first category
is their relationship with the creator, Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala.
The second category
is their relationship with the creation, the people,
Husn al Khulu. Why is Husn al Khulu
so important? And and very obviously, and I
believe personally, and I keep telling young people
today,
as many as they're looking mashallah to all
these amazing qualities in a spouse, She's looking
for someone who's handsome, someone who's mashaAllah, well
accomplished, someone who's smart, someone who's religious, someone
who's this, someone who's that. But then if
they don't have the good man and the
good afla, it becomes extremely dangerous.
What keeps husband and wife together really is
that kind of akhlaq and manners. Harsnul Khuluq
is what people today call it in relation,
what they call it today.
Let me rephrase the question.
What brings people together in marriage? What do
you guys think?
What is that quality that we look for
that will brings us together in marriage?
Comparability.
Right? And what compatibility means? You share values,
you share your characteristics, this and that and
so. So that's what brings you easy to
marry someone because you share the same thing.
But in
in reality, that does not necessarily guarantee sustainability.
So what guarantees continuity and sustainability to the
relationship then? If compatibility doesn't,
what would make them stay together then?
Flexibility.
And what is it that you need to
do to be flexible?
To have personal halal?
If you have good manners, you become flexible.
You're always forgiving,
or willing to forgive at least. You're compromising.
Your values are now different than others. So
you see things in a different perspective. So
Husn Al Khuluq is a true meaning of
flexibility,
and that's what really makes people stay together
in a relationship
because you're not rigid. You're not so harsh.
You don't have,
bad manners when it comes to posing with
people, to dealing with foes or friends, whatever
that is. There's always a specific level and
a specific standard. So hostan Khuluk is extremely
important. Now that's for the relationship. Obviously, the
prophet, sasam, he promotes hostan Khulok in general
for us. When he said salawatullah, salam alayhi.
Laysashayin athkolofilmiizani,
fimizani abdiya mal qiyamatimin.
There is nothing
more rewarding or heavier in the scale of
the servant of Allah on the day of
judgment than what? They're good manners.
Nothing haber than that. And the prophet says,
The closest to me on the day of
judgment in terms of their place in Jannah
will be those or well, the best mannered
people.
So even if you are unable to pray
that the Hajjid the way the prophet did
or fast the way the prophet did, But
with your good akhlaq and manners with the
people, you can compete with those who are
doing all these amazing good deeds and bring
you closer to the prophet
And if that is the case, why would
you wanna miss this opportunity,
especially with those who are closest to you,
your spouse and your children?
So hasan Khulak is extremely important
to keep the relationship, you know, really meaningful,
number 1, and also, bearable.
Because you might be going through financial difficulties.
You might be going through,
you know, political God knows what happens and
many other difficulties. But subhanAllah, and good manners,
and good akhlaah
This is also desirable as it is a
means to chastity.
This is why a man is commanded to
look at the prospective wife.
It is true that some men before did
not care about beauty and were not after
pleasure. It has been narrated, for example, that
Imam Ahmed
chose a one eyed woman instead of her
sister. This, however, is rare as the nature
of most men does not agree with this.
Now in regards to him saying, he chose,
an one eyed woman,
over her sister, the word sister, he doesn't
necessarily mean her blood sister. Means actually another
one, like somebody else. Now what does it
mean by this? It's called Husn al Khalk.
Husn al Khalk, which again means that the
the the the physical now characteristics. So Husn
al Khulok, that's their, their moral characteristics.
Husn Al Khulok, their physical characteristic right now.
That's the physical beauty. There is no doubt
when it comes to the subject of beauty,
it's,
everybody is after something beautiful, whether it's actually
a spouse or even
something you wanna do or you accomplish,
but why is it that people focus always
on a beautiful image when it come to
selecting a spouse?
What is the perception that we have in
our mind? What's the association that comes with
beauty
in our mind? Imam Ibn Hajar, or even
Hazam alhamallahu,
he he highlighted that beautifully in his book,
Awkul Hammamah, the ring of the dove, and
he said that why do people always fixated
on the beautiful image? The lady, she wants
to have a cute handsome guy, and the
guy who wants to have, mashaAllah,
you know, a super, yeah, and a beautiful
woman. But why beauty is so important to
us? What is the association over here? Anyone
knows?
You started that with us? Yeah.
So if they're physically beautiful, they must be,
you know, beautiful from the inside.
Reality defies that, by the way.
You have a lot of beautiful people who
are just bad manners, unfortunately.
But what is the perception we have when
it comes to beauty? Yes.
Perfection. Beautiful.
Look. Even I answered, said beautiful answer. Right?
I use the word beautiful for the perfect
answer. Why? Because we always associate
perfection with beauty. As he said, Rahimahullah Ta'ala,
he quoted the ayah in the Quran. Allah
subhanahu wa'anahu says,
We have created man in the most perfect
image. The most beautiful image.
So as human beings, we associate perfection always
with beauty. So if something is beautiful, must
be what?
Perfect.
If he handsome,
then he must be what?
Perfect. If she's beautiful, she must be perfect.
So we have this kind of association between
perfection
and beauty. That's why people, they look for
that. Now
when it comes now to define to define
what is beautiful, that's what the olema and
people, they argue. So what is considered beautiful
anyway? Is there any one standard for beauty?
Supposedly, no.
Because every culture has their own standard of
beauty.
Unfortunately, in the globalization era and the age
of the Internet and so on, and there
is a push, there is so much push
on one particular standard of beauty that is
dominating now the market of what is considered
beautiful, and that is the European standard of
beauty. In terms of color, skin has to
be specific tone, in terms of the the
size of your nose, the size of your
body, the size of your your height, your
this, your that. All these things unfortunately being
pushed, you know, on us human beings to
believe that this is the only way you
can conceive and perceive beauty,
which unfortunately, it's a huge, a huge market,
obviously.
A huge industry
that people, they benefit from that, unfortunately. But
in reality, when it comes to beauty, Imam
Abu Hazem, he also continues. He says,
as for beauty, Kal, beauty is in the
eye of
the beholder.
Which means, what you might consider to be
beautiful for others, just are you kidding me?
What it will what is that? And that's
why sometimes you see people who are married,
Ma'ashi, look at them and say, subhanAllah.
How did this happen? How this miracle happened?
Right?
But it did happen, by the grace of
Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala.
So beauty is in the eye of the
beholder. And he explained on that that some
people they see some traits to be,
you know not so beautiful qualities, and others
they think that this quality to be actually
amazing qualities.
Like for example,
the size of the body for instance. People
that have different perception of what is actually
so beautiful or what, or the height of
the person for example,
Or all that kind of stuff, you know,
being muscular or otherwise. All these things. People
have different sound when it comes to beauty.
So but overall, he says, why is that
so important? It's important because it is desirable,
because, alhamdulillah, it's a means of chastity. So
when I look at my spouse, I'm pleased.
I'm pleased with what I see, and alhamdulillah,
that makes it easier for me not to
look for anything else. That's the meaning of
that. He said that so therefore men are
actually, they've been asked to look for that.
Well, even the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam, he
said to Jab radiAllahu an, he says, did
you see her? When he came to him,
he said that he, proposed to a lady.
The prophet suggested for him, did you see
her? He says, no. He also didn't. Like,
I took the word for the people who
proposed that to me. He Because, no, you
better go and see her.
That is makes it a bigger chance for
this to last longer. So therefore, it's important
that you see so you can feel pleased.
So what is beauty over here? Is really
when you look at the person, you feel
comfortable with them. That's what matters.
But to have a a specific standard that
unfortunately because of the bombardment of images and
pictures and videos of people they see, that
is makes things difficult and harder for people
today to actually to, to find someone like
that. So remember to keep it insha'Allah,
when we teach people about these matters insha'Allah.
He said,
some people,
they didn't even care about that. Now when
it come to seeking marriage, for them, what
is the main main characteristic they're looking for?
Their deal.
How she looks, how he looks, not a
big deal for me.
Why? I don't care about the looks. I
care about their deal and their because I
know there's an inner beauty.
Beyond the physical beauty, there's inner beauty. That's
what I'm pursuing. That is what I'm looking
for. He said these are people are very
rare, obviously.
Very rare. And he mentioned an example of
Muhammad Muhammad Rahim Allahu Ta'ala. I could not
really authenticate that, but he says that he
would prefer, let's say, did he marry her
or just maybe he said, if I had
an option, I would choose 1,
one eye over another one because of and
her manners. Obviously, that's different. Because sometimes people,
they marry for different reasons. Like we said
in the previous session,
is that you marry not necessarily because of
the beauty or because you're feeling feeling committing
haram. Simply you wanna do it because it
becomes more like an act of kindness.
I married somebody who's more likely won't be
won't be,
successful in finding a spouse, for example.
So, I would like to marry this person.
Why? Because I wanna get the reward of
helping her, helping him, you know,
secure themselves, and inshallah having family together, Binali
Azir, based on the taqwa of Dinu Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. So yeah, he says, but
it's very rare among the people to pursue
that.
Now The 4th is a moderate dowry,
Kifat al Mar.
Saeed
ibn al Musayeb married off his daughter for
2 dirhams.
Now we'd come to Kifat al Mahar. Kifat
al Mar or the the Marid Dowry. What
does it mean by that? That is actually
indication to what is ima.
When you say chifat almar, the ma the
dowry needs to be simple. Simple dowry. That
indicates what to you?
Easy mark, but what does it mean when
it come to proposing to a family and
they say, alhamdulillah, you know, whatever you can
afford, we're good with that. What does that
tell you?
Not to demand it.
Abs easy to get married.
They're very dignified people.
They really value your qualities more than your
money. There is so much thing that you
get. Also, there's simplicity and humbleness and humility.
And in addition to that, if they come
from a humble background from a humble background,
it's easy to please.
Easy to please. What does that mean?
You buy chocolate? Masha'Allah. You buy flowers? Tabarakallah.
But if they come, masha'Allah, from a wealthy
family and household, you buy them a car,
what do they say? This is it?
Right? Like, this is
what kind of car is this? Right?
That that's why it gets really hard, which
is why some of the relevant come to
the financial the financial aspect of of seeking
marriage. They say, look for someone around the
same level as well too.
Because if you marry somebody who's way above
you in terms of financial,
prosperity and success, it's hard to please them.
No matter what you buy, their family could
buy them actually more than what you can
afford. Let's say for aid, for example. You
are able to afford to give your wife
$200 as a, ADA, for example.
Her brother comes to give her a 1,000.
Her father comes at 5,000.
Now what happened to you?
That that doesn't become that satisfactory
factor in the relationship over here. So that's
why he says, look for somebody who's easy,
not very demanding, that make life, alhamdulillah, simple
and grow with you in that manner, inshaAllah,
ta'ala. Now
and by the way, is there any limit
for dowry though?
Is there any limit on what is considered
high or low?
In Islamic speaking, there is no limitation.
How do you exactly how do you define
what is considered reasonable?
Alarf which means what is customary among the
people. How do I know what is customary?
Well, you look around. Ask around in her
family, in her household, in her tribe, in
her community.
The girl of her status.
How much they receive, for example, for Mahal.
In this case, you evaluate all these factors,
and you say, okay. So it's 5,000, 7,000,
10000, 2,000 or whatever. Or they might tell
you, you know what? I don't have any
money. Just a promise to take me for
Hajj or Ong. That
will be also another form of mar. Now.
Umar Radhi Allah Ta'ala Anhu said, do not
exaggerate the dowries of women.
And just as it is disliked for a
woman to ask for a big
it is equally disliked for a man to
ask for how much fortune she has.
No.
As Sufianathari
said, when a man gets married and asks
what does a woman own,
know that he is a thief.
So how many thieves you've met in your
life lately, Ajima?
I'm almost done. Okay. Before we get to
this point, actually, I forget to talk about,
the the story of of, Sayed ibn Musayib,
Rahim Allahu Ta'ala. So Sayed ibn Musayib, who
married off his daughter for 2 dirhams.
It's a very famous story, in which Sayed
ibn Musayib, and just to give you perspective
or a background of the story itself. So
Sayed al Musaib was one of the Tabi'in,
a very well known of the Tabi'in who
met the Sahab radiAllahu
ta'ala. And,
during his time, who was ruling politically in
Madinah and Mecca around Muslim country? Who was
ruling
in the Muslim land at that time? Anyone
knows?
The Umayyads.
And the Umayyads, they they changed the Khalifa
system into a monarch system, which created a
lot of rift between the Muslim in that
time. So in order for them to seek,
legitimacy of their rule,
they always wanted to ally themselves with the
scholars Because the scholars of that time used
to be the true leaders of the ummah.
The ulama used to be the true leaders
of the ummah. If a mufti says something,
everybody follows that. So the political leadership
always wanted to align themselves with the the
religious leadership.
So part of what they did is they
tried to marry from their from their children.
So if a if an emir has a
daughter, will he give it off to a
a scholars, for example, or or his or
his or his son?
And if they know that they're the some
of the scholars have daughters, they would probably
maybe marry them off to their children. So
one of those incidents is was
Abdul Malik ibn Marwan.
Abdul Malik ibn Marwan, he was the the
Khalifa of that time. Saeed al Musaib was
well known to be the great scholar of
Madinah.
One of the great scholars of Medina.
So he wanted to take advantage of that,
and has his son marrying his daughter.
Alwaleed ibn Abdul Walid, Abdul Malik. He actually
want his his son, Alwaleed, actually. The son
of Abdul Malik.
He so he wanted his son, Al Waleed,
to marry him,
and Sa'id didn't wanna do that. He didn't
wanna get involved with politics. He didn't wanna
be part of any of this kind of,
you know, games with the politicians.
So he want to avoid this. So but
the Khalifa keeps insisting sending proposal after proposal.
Then one day, Abdullah, Saidul Musayeb, he noticed
one of his, one of his,
avid students
was missing for a few days.
When he showed up, when he came back,
he, his name was,
his name is known as Ibn Abu Adha,
or Khuthayr ibn Muttalib, ibn Abu Waddaa. He's
known, he's known before been ibn Abu Waddaa.
So ibn Abu Waddaa showed up,
and Imam Saib Musaib, he says, where have
you been?
He says, I'm so sorry,
Sheikh, you know, my my wife just recently
passed away,
and I was just taking care of things,
you know, after her passing to take care
of things in household and so on. So
he he gave him condolences. He goes, okay.
Did you get married?
So soon. Yeah. 3 days right after she
was buried.
He goes, no. It's not on my mind
anymore yet. He goes, well, I have a
wife for you.
And I was like, like, really? He says,
yeah. Would you marry my daughter? And he's
just like, the daughter of Saylomo Sayyid. Of
course, he's not gonna say. They're gonna say,
well, my wife just passed. No. No. No.
Of course, I will take your daughter. So
he called the people, and they made the
Anika, and he married her. Then he says,
I went home so happy, so excited. I
was fasting. I didn't have much for food
and and oil, olive oil and some salt.
So I was preparing for my iftar,
and then suddenly he says, I hear a
knocking on the door. I said, who is
it? He goes, Saeed.
He said, I every Saeed I knew crossed
my mind except for Sayed al Musaib
because he's never been seen away from the
masjid to his house, masjid to the house
for 4 years.
So he says, I just want to go
and open the door, and I see, say,
Sayed al Musayeb standing right in front of
me.
So he said, It
hit me that maybe he changed his mind.
Maybe he rushed it,
or his daughter said no. So, therefore, he's
just gonna come to see if it's gonna
gonna end it.
Because,
what's going on, Sheikh? He says, well, I
know that you get married, and I I
hate to leave you like this without your
spouse, so I brought her to you. So
he brought his his daughter actually from behind
and says, here's your wife. He got her
in there, closed the door, and said he
left.
He said, I had no idea what to
do.
He didn't even see her yet because she's
covered. Because when the door was closed, that
girl was so shy that she fainted. She
passed out.
He freaked out.
So he went up the house, up over
to the rooftop, and he started calling his
neighbors, throwing at them some rocks. Help, help,
help. So the ladies, they gathered. His mom
also heard about the news. She also came
in,
and then they took care of the lady,
and his mom told him, don't even come
near her for 3 days. Don't touch her.
I'm gonna take care of her first for
you. Make sure that she's okay, inshaAllah ta'ala.
And then he said, subhanAllah, after of course
they, they consummated the marriage, they lived a
beautiful a beautiful life. There was the day
that it said she was, hamdissaid, MashaAllah. She's
beautiful manners,
great knowledge,
Quran, this and that and so on. So
he goes, there was there was day she
was rush he was rushing to leave early,
right after the few days after consummating the
marriage. She goes, where do you think you're
going? Because to attend the Sheikh Saeed al
Musayab's
halakhah.
She goes, Israelis,
Sit down. I'll give you the knowledge of
Said al Musayab. Like, I have it. Don't
worry about it. I'll give it to you.
Alright?
So,
subhanAllah. I mean, those are some of those
very unique examples. So the the idea is
that he he had 2 dirhams al Mahar
that was able to afford, and he said
I even borrowed some from some friends just
to give that Mahar to Sayyid.
RadiAllahu ta'anhu.
Amr Bekhtab Radillah.
He warned people against exaggerating into Al Mughala,
which means,
you know, spike in the prices of Muhur,
making it so high. That come becomes completely
unaffordable to people, unfortunately.
Again, there is no limitation to what is
considered high, what is considered low income to
the Maher. It is just completely
open to the culture to, regulate that.
The prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallamahu alaihi wa
sallamahu alaihi wa sallamahu alaihi wa sallamahu alaihi
wa sallamahu alaihi wa sallamahu alaihi wa sallamahu
alaihi wa sallamahu alaihi wa sallamahu alaihi wa
sallamahu alaihi
wa barakah. The less the Mahar, the more
the blessing and the Barakah therein.
Then he said here, Carl,
just like it is this like for a
for the ladies to to raise their muhur
and their dowry, it is also dislike for
the man even to inquire about how much
money you have.
Now, obviously, if it's just for reserving her
hukuk, to document her hukuk, that's one thing.
But if it's, if it's a matter of
just knowing, how much I'm, I'm gonna inshallah
that I get myself into,
that's definitely what he said that then you're
a thief, basically.
You're not after the marriage. You're after her
money and after her wealth.
So what about today? Does the prenuptial agreement
falls into this now being any thieves
any finances,
between them. As long as it's a mutual
agreement, it should be okay inshallah.
Now.
The 5th is virginity,
Baqara.
The lawgiver has encouraged men
to marry virgins. A virgin is generally more
inclined and affectionate towards the man than a
non virgin,
fayib,
which in turn creates love. What?
Indeed, human beings by their very nature feel
affection towards their first loves. This also makes
the man love her more as men preferred
that no one else has touched their women
before them. What about now for women?
Do they have to marry somebody who's also
a,
a virgin, never married before?
It's the same call, the same preference.
It is the same preference.
Why is he suggesting that for? Now remember,
this is not necessarily like a standard Yani.
If it's not there, the stuff for Allah,
the marriage is gonna be nullified. No. It's
a recommendation.
Why is that? For the reason that he
mentioned over here, because when you marry somebody
for the first time, never been married before,
that first attachment
becomes, alhamdulillah, the standard, The point of reference.
So they always have that love always, you
know, attached with them. Even in the Arabic,
we say, actually, they say,
Like, the true love is always for the
first love.
Right? Now,
sometime that love was never consummated, So this
may becomes memory, but once it becomes actually
consummated and the true relationship becomes a loving
relationship,
that becomes the point of reference for all
forms of,
of beauty in the relationship here. However, it
doesn't mean you cannot marry a sayyb, someone
who has married them before.
Where we get that that rule from? It
is actually from the story of of Jabir.
One time the prophet salallahu alaihi wa sallam,
he came back from a journey. Jabir was
with him, and he was a young man,
so So he was rushing ahead of the
prophet, sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, as they start
seeing the boundaries of Madinah.
And the prophet joked, Ubajabi, yeah Jabir, what
what's the rush for?
He said, you Rasoolullah, I'm sorry, but I
got married before I left with you. I
didn't get a chance to spend time with
my wife. I wanna go and catch up
with her inshallah.
So the prophet was joking. He goes,
did you marry Bikr, someone who's never married
before or Thayr?
He says, no, you Rasool Allah, I married
a Thayr. Someone was married before.
Why don't you marry someone like yourself? A
young person your age,
at least, you know, someone like you who
had never been married before. Khala, he gave
his reason. He called. When my father passed,
he left me 7 sisters.
He was the only boy
among 7 sisters.
He said, I didn't wanna bring an 8th
one to care for them for her as
well too. I want someone to help me
care for my sisters. So the prophet made
du'a for him. So again, it's not necessarily
a make it or break it deal, but
it's definitely, it's something that is preferable.
The 6th is fertility, Bulud.
And what does that even? How do you
even know that? Are you gonna ask them,
or take a fertility test, or what's the
situation here? No. Usually, it goes by observing,
preserving the family around. Like, are they, masha'Allah,
fertile families? Do they have large number of
kids, and are they healthy, unhealthy? Do they
have, triplets? You know, do they have,
twins or this and that? These kind of
indicators can tell you if they're fertile or
otherwise. Now.
The 7th is lineage, Nasb.
This means that a woman should be from
a pious Muslim family.
Now,
how would you know that anyway?
Because even if the family is martial or
the most righteous, does it guarantee that the
spouse you're gonna choose is gonna be that
person?
Similar. You see the family, Masha is amazing.
And the guy who comes to propose to
you, there is no indication to say that
he's not that great or that actually the
righteous person. But then when you get married,
what happens? The akhlaq comes out.
Their bad mad starts coming out on Sharon.
So is that a fault of the family?
No. That's not their fault. So how do
we know that this person is actually,
from,
Just the family itself is no longer an
indicator
for for the goodness of the individualist, at
least in our time.
Just the family's
yeah. Kind of being good. Similarly,
just because the family is not that great,
it doesn't mean that boy or that girl
are not religious or actually with good man's
good.
So sometimes we're gonna have to overlook that
based on the circumstances on the individual as
well too. However,
having a good family, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamin,
at least is an indicator
enough to carry along with them when they
come to the marriage. Now.
The 8th is absence of close kinship.
Now,
and what does that mean? He says basically,
like, there's a narration, it's a it's, it's
considered actually the ifjid, and some they say
it's even fabricated. Is that the
which means go far away in your nika,
meaning don't marry someone who's close to you,
which is different from what the prophet sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam did. The prophet sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam, he married cousin.
Who was his cousin that he married salallahu
alaihi wa sallam? Zaynah, Radilana.
He married from the tribe. He married from
outside the tribe as well too. He married
someone close, someone not so close. So the
purpose of marriages were actually very diverse to
give us examples, what we can choose for
for ourselves.
But here it says, if you can have
somebody away from the kinship, that's probably maybe
better for you. In in the in the
past, probably, they had that because,
the tribal system was strong and powerful, and
they would like her to strengthen maybe the
society through cross tribal marriages and these things
and so on. In our time,
if really marrying a close relative, first cousin
or second cousin is good for you, then
why not?
I know we inherited bias against marrying a
cousin,
but
why not? Maybe for the best circumstance. The
compatibility is the the easiest, because you're from
the same family, you know that you know
each other, you know you grew up with
with the same, you know, family members and
so on. It makes it easy for people
to marry someone who's close to them. So
there is no really indication to anything. Some
they say it's because actually,
being afraid of hereditary diseases for for instance,
but there's really
no guarantee. Even if you marry someone who's
not even close to you, there is no
guarantee that nothing's gonna come up as a
as a health condition as a result of
that. May Allah keep you all safe.
Now.
This being said, just as a man should
take a look at a woman, the woman's
guardian should find out about the man's religiousness,
character, and situation. Like what we said earlier,
those same qualities also apply to the woman
when she looks for her husband. No. This
is because the woman becomes tied to her
spouse like a slave does. So if the
guardian marries her off to a sinner or
a or an innovator,
he has violated both her and himself. Just
like the prophet says in the Khutbatulwada.
He says,
He told men, make sure to take good
care of your wives.
They're like captives in your household.
Take care of good care of them now.
A man once asked Al Hassan,
to whom should I marry my daughter? Who's
Al Hassan? Al Hassan. Al Basili. Al Basili.
Usually, Al Hassan known for this beautiful statement
now.
So he replied,
someone who fails Allah, if
he loves her, he will honor her. And
if he hates her, he will not wrong
her. What a beautiful statement, Ajamal. Allah, what
a beautiful statement.
Who should I choose for my wife? Who
for my daughter, for example. Yeah. Right?
Someone that you know, he will fear Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala be mindful of Allah and
the way he treats her.
If she was good, he will honor her
and be generous with her. If she was
not that great, he will still not be
oppressive or bad towards her. That's the bare
minimum for what you need to look for
in a person. May
Allah provide our families with the best.
Shall we stop here and to continue next
week.
For this one, we're gonna be starting on
page,
what page is this? Page 368,
368, inshallah, down.
In the narration here, Abu Marikil al Al
Al Har the Asha Roodawadhanawarda.
He said, Khadib Mas'id of Allah SAWSAM says,
which
means purity of have a faith.
Well, alhamdulillah, saying alhamdulillah fills the scale.
And he says another generation, subhanAllah, alhamdulillah,
both are filling the scales together.
And they fill between the heavens and the
earth. Wasalatunun.
Salah is considered light. As sadaqatuburhan
is a proof.
Is also illumination.
Quran can be a proof for you or
against you.
Everybody goes out in the morning to mind
their business and their life.
For some of them, they set themselves free
means from jahannam, or they destroy themselves. May
Allah protect us from this.
And if you guys remember, when we talked
about the meaning of, AturushatulIman,
that,
tahara, purity,
is half of faith. Do you guys remember
the conclusion? What was the conclusion that Imam,
Bibi Raja, Ibrahim Allah, suggested?
That was on page,
367 when he said that, look. At the
end, we understand that would come to shutter,
meaning half means what? 1 of 2 things.
You have a category of 2.
One of them,
regardless of how big or small in terms
of proportion to the other one, it is
considered half in that sense. That's one of
2.
And here are the example here of Hadith
Uqba,
in which the prophet
mentioned that
proper
and saying
will open the doors of Jannah for you.
So if you have now, which represent purification
and purity, and saying
which is the subject of faith,
so now Tuhoor becomes
half or shutter based on that perception. That
was the opinion of my ibn Khudammar, ibn,
Rajiv Rahim Allahu Ta'ala.
However, he adds something else, which is the
one that we need to start with
towards the end on page 368
where he says, it is also possible interpretation.
It is also a possible interpretation to say
that all the features of iman, both deeds
and deeds and words
purify the heart and make it grow. As
for the purification with water, it is particularly
with respect to purification of the body and
its cleanliness.
Thus there are 2 categories of the attributes
of iman. One of which is the purification
of the outward and the other the purification
of the inward.
So that there are the 2 halves of
this understanding and Allah knows
best what he means and what his messenger
meant by all of this. So what was
now Ibra Ibrahim Allahu Ta'ala referring to this
right now? A whole different category.
Because look, we'll come to tahara, there are
2 types of purity. There's a physical and
also the spiritual one. So as for the
physical, that's what Prabhay Mu'tadhari was referring to.
The physical tahara, and the other one is
now the spore the spiritual tahara. So therefore,
they're considered half from that perspective.
This is one of the most common interpretation
would come to this hadith. That's the most
common interpretation of this hadith. So you can
actually remember these two examples.
The first one in which he said that,
look. It's half of 2. So we have
wudu versus la ilaha illallah. They make it
half. And also we have here the meaning
of physical versus, of course, the emotion, the
the moral pure and spiritual
purity as well too. Then he conclude by
saying, and and then Allah knows the best,
which means,
look, these are all the opinions that are
out there.
It seems to be what he referred to
first, but then came to this one says,
and Allah knows best. Like, although this is
a a plausible
interpretation,
but Allah knows best. He still may be
referring to the previous one to be his
preferred opinion, Rahimahallahu ta'ala. Now.
With respect to his
saying, alhamdulillah
fills the scale.
Both fill are fills
what whatever whatever is between the heaven and
the earth.
The narrator had some doubt about the wording.
So here, Rahamalala Ta'ala has been with number
2 and number 3. When it says come
to Saint Alhamdulillah,
Alhamdulillah,
we call this tahmid.
Tahmid or hamd.
When it comes to saying subhanAllah, we call
this
tasbih.
So there's tasbih and there's tahmid.
What's coming next right now what's coming next
right now, he is gonna bring other narrations
in which he will add
other phrases of praise
that will have similar reward in terms of
filling a scale, in terms of filling between
the heavens and the earth. Of these two
actually phrases, the phrase of takbir, which is
saying what?
Allahu Akbar. Right? And the phrase of tahleel,
and that's saying, la ilaha illa, which we
call the kalima. So now he's gonna be
speaking about these four words. How do they
or these phrases actually. How do they fill
the skill? How do they make the reward
actually possible? So he would say, you talk
about tasbih,
tahmid, takbih,
and tahleen.
Go
ahead.
In the version of An Nasai and Ibn
Majah,
there is glorification,
and magnification,
fill the heaven and the earth. So that's
another narration now, it's actually about tasbih and
takbir, not tasbih and tahmid anymore. Yes, okay?
In the hadith of the man from Benin
Sulayen,
there is the spear, glorification
is a half of the scales
and praise
fills it. Magnification,
takbir,
fills what is between the heaven and the
earth. So basically now is give a different
meaning. So tasbir is half of the scale,
Takbir, I mean, tahmid fills the full scale,
and takbir is the one that fills between
the heavens and the earth. So now a
different meaning, or different actual interpretation or narration
right now. So the multiple narrations gonna come
up after that, including
him adding at Takbir Wat Tahmid. So I
want you to move to the what he
speaks about at at Tahrir in the next
page. Jafar
al Fariabi.
Jafar
al Fariabi narrated in his book,
and the others also narrated the Hadith of
Ali. That the prophet
said,
fills the scales,
and subhanAllah
is half of the scales.
Fill the heavens and the earth, and what
is in between them. So now he's not,
not just Allahu Akbar fills between the heavens
and the earth. He's adding in this narration,
Allahu Akbar and
both combined, fill between the heavens and the
earth. So there are many, many narrations regard
to to this. The conclusion about these 4
phrases he said, these these had comprise?
These hadith,
this hadith comprise the virtue of these 4
phrases
which are the best of speech. And they
are, SubhanAllah,
Glory be to
Allah. Praise belongs to Allah.
There is no God except Allah. And Allahu
Akbar, Allah is greater. By the way, the
the this is something called,
Joab al Hakim. Joab al Hakim is the
the answer of the sage, or the answer
of the wise man. Why? When someone asks
you a question,
you give them an answer and more than
what they ask for based on what you
know about my possible circumstance. Like the prophet
was asked,
We travel on, by sea for a long
time, and sometimes we don't have fresh water,
enough fresh water. Is it permissible to do
tahara from the seawater?
He said
It's permissible to make wudu from it and
also eat the dead animal of the sea.
They didn't ask about food, did they? But
he gave them the job with Hakim. He
knew that this possibly could be a situation
for them, so he gave them the answer
before even they get there. Ibrahim Abu Raja,
he didn't just explain what was mentioned in
the hadith, which is the tisbih and tahmid.
He knew based on the other narration, there's
listen. It might be confusing for some when
they read the other ahadith that says the
exact same virtues for takbir and tahleel. So
he said, let me combine all this together
for you, so you can see what do
they mean exactly. And I was gonna explain
them more at a time. No.
As for praise,
all of the hadith agree that it fills
the scales.
Some say that it is struck, some say
that it is struck as a metaphor, and
that the meaning is that if praise were
a physical body it would fill the scales.
Some say that on the contrary, Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala will represent the actions of the
descendants of Adam and their words
as forms which will be seen on the
day of rising
and which will be weighed. As the prophet
said,
the Quran will come on the day of
rising preceded by and
as if there were 2 clouds or 2
shades or 2 flocks of birds in ranks.
So what is he trying to say over
here,
says, what does it mean to fill the
scale? Is it physically, will fill the scale,
or is it just a metaphor?
So those they said one example is it's
just a metaphor. Like, yeah. It's not maybe
in terms of physical weight because there's no
physical,
being for the words subhanallah or hamdulillah in
the situation you're on. So he said, it's
just a metaphor.
And other, they say, no. No. No. Listen.
Even your good deeds on the day of
judgment, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will probably give
give them special forms.
So they come in a form of a
human being, just like what Surah Al Baqarah
Al Imran, Or comes like clouds,
come like in different uniforms,
and they will have an actual physical weight.
So when it's put in the scale, we
weigh so heavily. So this is what he
means by when he was speaking about alhamdulillah,
but what he really highlights over here exclusively
said that all the other narrations
that we spoke about so far, they all
agree that Alhamdulillah
fills the scales.
By itself, it fills the scales. Why? He's
gonna bring that later
But for now, I just want you to
be aware of that. He says all of
the narrations
agree that
fills the skills. Now
let's move on to the next one. Amaz,
subhanAllah.
As for subhanAllah,
glory be to Allah.
There is in the narration of Muslim,
and both fill or fills
whatever is between the heaven and the earth.
The narrator was in doubt as to what
it what it is that fills between heaven
and earth. And whether it is
or one of them. In the version of
a it is glorification and magnification
Fill heaven and earth. And this version is
more suitable.
There is a question as to whether what
is meant is that both together fill what
is between heaven and earth, or each one
independently fills that. So what does that mean
over here? Does it mean that they're both
now 5050
filled the the the between the heaven and
the earth, or the scale,
or between the heavens and the earth, or
is it actually maybe 70 30?
So, yeah, it might not be 5050,
could be 70 30, but both combined will
fill the scale between the heavens and the
Earth. None.
In the hadith of in the other man,
there is that, there is
is alone fills what is between heaven and
the earth.
In any case,
stands in a lower rank with respect to
virtue as it clearly net as it is
as is clearly narrated in the hadith of
hadi, and
man from.
The tisbih is half of the scales, but
alhamdulillah
fills it. Why? Before we did that, the
reason why. I wanna I wanna see why
do you think that tahmid saying alhamdulillah
is heavier
than saying SubhanAllah?
Because alhamd means what?
Praising Allah
for what?
His perfection.
And subhanAllah is what?
Freeing him from
imperfections.
Which one is more powerful? Is to praise
him for perfection
or to free him from imperfection?
Let me get you as an example as
a human being. If I wanna describe, if
I wanna praise you, for example, I can
say you're smart, you're intelligent,
you're handsome, all these beautiful things.
Or which or do you think that praising
you like this by saying you're not stupid,
you're not you're not dumb, you're not ugly.
I'm not saying anything bad
about you, am I?
So which one do you think actually has
any more value to you?
Do you want people to say that you're
not stupid,
not, you know, you're not dumb, you're not
ugly?
I mean, they're praising you still. Right? It
is in that sense.
But even though even though they are still
still, you know, kind of freeing you from
imperfection,
but it's not the same the same way.
It doesn't have the same it. But perfection
is when you praise him, subhanahu wa ta'ala,
with those qualities of perfection. He's gonna explain
that why now.
The reason for that is the praise is
affirmation, that all praises are for Allah.
Thus comprising affirmation of all the attributes of
perfection and majes and majesty.
Whereas this be is purification of Allah from
all shortcomings,
defects, and flaws.
So affirmation is more complete and perfect than
negation.
I think it's for us. What does that
exactly mean? Now and in order for the
praise
of saying to
be perfected,
there is something has to come with it.
So he says
it is for that reason that this is
not mentioned on its own, but rather coupled
with that which indicates affirmation of Allah's
perfection.
Sometimes it is coupled with praise as is
the saying, SubhanAllah will be Hamdi.
Glory be to Allah by his praise. And
SubhanAllah,
glory be to Allah.
And praise belongs to Allah. And sometimes it
is coupled with one of the names which
indicate greatness and and majesty such as his
words
glory be to Allah the great. So as
you know, it's obvious right now. So when
you say, you're most likely going to say,
with something else. SubhanAllah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah,
alhamdulillah,
alhamdulillah
without saying anything else with that?
That's that's why when you say alhamdulillah,
don't say I cannot complain.
You couple that with that statement, it probably
negate the meaning of saying Alhamdulillah. Be careful
with that. Now, let's move on to the
next to the next one.
At Takbeer.
As for tikbir, in the hadith of Abu
Hurayrah, in the man from Bani Saleem,
there is that it alone fills what is
between the heavens and the earth. In
In the hadith of there is the there
is that takbir along with.
There is no God except Allah Fills the
heavens and the earth and what is between
them? No. So here's we can see that
it's it's alone, fills between the heavens and
the earth.
There is no God except Allah.
Alone, it reaches Allah without any barrier between
it and him.
Narrated a hadith of Abu Huraira
and the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam said, if
a slave says,
there is no god except Allah,
Sincerely,
the gates of heaven will be opened for
him until it reaches the throne as long
as he avoids major wrong actions.
So here's the speaker about the virtue and
the value of saying La Illaha Illa Allah.
And there is so much to show you
how how, valuable,
how heavy
is. It's coming in hadith called Abu Maman.
Abu Maman said,
any slave who repeats
that nothing short of the throne holds it
back.
It has also been narrated that the nothing,
that nothing equals it in weight, in the
famous hadith
of the scrap of paper. What does that
which hadith is that? He refers to the
hadith,
when the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said,
a man actually,
he had
one
one hasanah left for him to enter Jannah.
He's lacking one single merit.
So he was told, go and find someone.
If someone can give you one merit, then
you go to Jannah. And this guy now
frantically going all over that day of judgment,
that that location and that gathering place, Al
Hashar,
asking his family, his friend, his love, his
parents.
They would say,
I don't I don't even recognize you. I
don't even know who you are. He's I'm
not gonna give you anything. So he kept
going to different people that he loved, he
knew, and joined in Dunya. No one's given
him anything. And finally,
he came to a guy who had nothing
in his good scale or his good record
except for one single
scrap of paper that says La Illaha Illallah.
Al Bitaka means actually a card,
like a scrap of paper. Haydul Bitaka. So
he came. It's known as That's what it's
called in Arabic.
So, the man, he says,
he said, what about this one? Can I
get well, I mean, it doesn't
I don't know? You can take it and
see if it it helps you with anything.
For subhanallah, I mean, this person obviously, that
hasanah would actually would be sufficient for this
individual. There is another Hadid al Bataqq actually,
as a matter of fact. I have to
correct that. Hadid al Bitaka is the man
who had so many bad deeds, and he
had only one single card that says la
ilaha illallah of his hasanat.
Just single
one. And when it was put in that
scale,
all his bad deeds were just yeah. You
kinda,
disappeared
and start flying because of the heavyweight of
If it was done properly and sincerely, definitely,
it is absolutely the heaviest
in the scale. So that's why he referred
this to say, it is actually also considered
very heavy in the scale. So which one
is heavier then? Is it subhanallah? Is it
subhanallah?
Is it
is it combined versus
The different actual reasons or actually in terms
of what it considered heaviest. So let's move
on to the next point where he says
there are different views.
There are different views as to which of
the two phrases is better. The phrase of
praise or the phrase of.
And other, and others narrated this divergence.
As a said, they used to think that
hamd is speech whose reward is most multiplied.
A said
nothing of the speech is multiplied in reward
as much as alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah comprises affirmation of all types of Allah's
perfection.
So that the is included in it. Because
you're talking about perfection of Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala. One of the greatest perfection of Allah
is what? His oneness. So it's included already
when you say alhamdulillah. No.
There is in the Muslim, Muslim, there is
in the Muslim of Imam Ahmed from Abu
Saeed and Abu Huraira that the prophet sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam said, Allah singled 4 things
out from speech.
Whoever says SubhanAllah will have 20 good deeds
recorded for him or 20 wrong actions will
be removed from his record. Whoever says Allahu
Akbar has like has the like of that.
Whoever says
has the like of that. And whoever says
praise belong to Allah, the Lord of the
worlds,
from himself will have 30 good deeds recorded
for him or 30 wrong actions removed from
his record. This also has been narrated from,
narrated of God as
his own words, and some say that this
is more authentic than ascribing it to the
prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. It's not necessarily
authentic to be attributed to the prophet sallallahu
alaihi wa sallam. Rather, it's the statement of
the
Kab himself, So this is now we know
from,
from all of this right now. Regardless how
you wanna view them, which one is heavier?
Out of them, what are the 2 most
powerful statement and phrases in Jema?
Alhamdulillah and
La ilaha illallah.
Alhamdulillah
and La ilaha illallah. Now the debate among
the ulema, which one is heavier?
Is it Alhamdulillah,
Ola ilaha illallah? Those who say Alhamdulillah
because they believe
since is all about attributing and affirming perfection
to Allah
One of the greatest, of course, affirmations is
his oneness, and it's part of saying Alhamdulillah.
So La ilaha illallah is included, Alhamdulillah.
Another say no, La ilaha illallah is heavier,
because it's proven in the hadith that when
the man put all his deeds in one
side and Laila Allah simply was there, was
actually heavier than everything else.
Now that doesn't mean that he did not
say
because maybe he did,
but was negated with other bad deeds, unfortunately.
But overall, it's a debate among the ulama,
so you can
choose whichever opinion based on what you've understood
from the statement of the Raja
Alay.
I personally kinda like feeling more comfortable to
say La ilaha illallah is stronger. Why? Because
the prophet said,
The
best of all
words of dhikr is to say
If it was Alhamdulillah,
the prophet would have actually
attributed that to Alhamdulillah, not to La ilaha
illallah.
We'll stop here inshallah ta'ala. Next week, we'll
continue with the hadith.
Let's see the question.
K. We have we have questions already actually
been posted, so I'm gonna go over the
questions.
The question is I feel,
I'm only increasing my religious level for an
x person, not for Allah. How can I
fight this?
Like, look.
Sincerity
is an ongoing battle until you meet your
lord, until you die.
So you're gonna always try to fight that
the the feeling.
As long
as long as you do it. Right? Insha
Allah
and you're not showing off to that individual.
Rather you wanna improve your iman,
to be like that person.
Hopefully to match with them. That intention is
okay.
That intention is okay to match with this
individual's level of iman.
But if you would like to increase your
iman so that they can, you know,
realize, oh, she is being
great or he's being great, he's doing great
deed and so on, then that's that's riyah,
and that deed is nullified.
So you need to fight those feelings and
hopefully to focus
on the good on the good one, which
means
I am increasing my iman. So hopefully I
can match him. I can match her. So
hopefully we become maybe attracted to each other,
you know, for marriage. Now
what does it mean to have, Husnu al
Khuluq with Allah
SubhanAllah. When Alemady speak about Husn al Khuluq,
it's also different levels. Right? Husn al Khuluq,
may Allah, first and foremost. Like, if you
wanna be have Husn al Khuluq, you're not
gonna just focus on Husan Khuluq, good good
manners, good character with your friends and your
parents and your children. These are different categories.
But Husan Khuluq Ma'allaa is the highest. And
if you have Hasan Khuluf Ma'ala, what does
that mean exactly? He's a priority.
So when you pray, how do you pray?
In 3 seconds. Right?
Or you pray with kushur? That's Hasan Khulukma
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. You pray with kushur.
When you fast, what's Hasan Khulukma Allah
You fast and you observe the proper etiquette
for fasting. Violating that, unfortunately,
that's suul adab. May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
When you give charity, how do you do
that? You give it with Ihsan. For the
sake of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. Without taunting
people with that charity.
But keep bragging about and talking about it.
That suadab, Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. When you
make dua, you make dua to Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala would comfort that he will answer
you. Instead of saying, my Lord, I've been
asking what's going on here. That's su'adab. Allah
Subhanahu wa ta'ala. So
opposite to that su'adab.
Which means bad manners. Now,
how can we determine Haluk, especially when the
reality of things are many times behind closed
door? That is absolutely true. Here's the thing.
At the end of the day, at the
end of the day,
you're not gonna know the real person until
what? You live with them. So you're gonna
have to take risk, and life is all
about really taking risks.
So there's no escape of take risk when
it come to choosing something for marriage. Your
job is to do all what you can,
your best in in in trying to investigate
by doing istishara first. Meaning asking families, asking
friends. See See their, you know, their social
media profiles, if they have any. All these
things can give you indicators about their raklak
and their manners. And see them, you know,
around other people. How do they behave with
the elders? How do they behave with their
friends? How do they behave with their family?
What's the perception of that? Ask certain question
about, for example, how do they react in
certain scenarios?
During, for example, anger. Are they angry people?
Are they very tolerant? Would they do this
or do that?
So by looking around and asking people and
get answer and see first and observe yourself,
hopefully, you'll be able, inshallah, to determine if
the person has that Hasan Khaluk you're looking
for or otherwise.
And again, at the end of the day,
at the end of the day, no matter
how good the person is, once you get
married, you will see a different person, different
reality.
And even good people,
even good people, good well mannered people, subhanAllah,
after marriage,
you never know. They might flip.
Not because of you, because of certain circumstance
in their lives. May Allah make it easy
for them And
some people you might marry, and they're not
the best akhlaq and manners and subhanAllah living
with you, you might transform their lives for
them, and they become good people. So you
have to have and have that faith, and
have take some risk, and of course do
your best. Are you gonna be misjudging people?
Possibly.
And I have seen a lot of these
examples. Where sisters, they come to me and
they say, well,
they said he's Masha'Allah, Musallihi, he's Ibarra, this
and that. So he barely actually wake up
for Fajr.
And he barely, you know, does this. He
barely does that. I said, oh, Allah, may
Allah make it easy for you. I mean
honestly if you can help inshallah to improve
his iman, his deen, that would be great.
Does she have to stay with him? That's
up to her.
But if you can work together and inshallah
to make things better for yourselves,
alhamdulillah. If the arf keeps getting higher and
higher, how can we be reasonable?
Yeah. Then then go to to the family
who's closest to your, standards and situation.
Because in some cultures, for example, when you
get married, you don't just give a to
the girl. You give the to the father,
and the mother, and the and the siblings,
and everybody else, and probably even the
mayor even. The the whole everybody takes a
share in your marriage, basically.
So therefore, it's it's it's difficult. It's not
really right. We'll lie. And unfortunately, the people
who do so,
they have reasons for that.
Sometimes it's financial reason.
Why?
I mean, we would like to get get
wealthy, so they wanna get the mahar, and
so they can buy a house or build
this or make that, all these kind of
things.
Sometimes they raise their mahar
because they wanna make this as an as
a a safety net for their daughters.
Just like in in case it doesn't work
out,
she will land on something hefty.
That's if if he is honorable enough to
give her that mahar if they divorce. Because,
unfortunately, the experience that I know from people,
even if the mahar was high as a
muqa, which is deferred Mahar,
if they they live on bad terms, he's
not gonna give her a penny.
Matter of fact, he's gonna make her life
difficult so she can ask for.
So instead of instead of him paying her,
she's gonna pay him back the money he
gave. So it doesn't really guarantee
what you're looking for in the
3rd reason why people they give they ask
for high mahar is because, unfortunately,
they equate the mahar with their social status.
They equate the mahar with their social status.
What does that mean? They know in certain
families that will law and mashallah, the daughter
of Fulan and Fulan, she was given in
marriage for $1,000,000
or half a $1,000,000.
But if you give them for a few
$1,000,
what do they say?
Why? What's wrong?
What's wrong with her?
What's the problem with that? So a staghfala.
These are all, unfortunately, bad habits and bad
cultures.
They're not appropriate cultures, you know, for in
the deen. But the deen of Allah Allah
is
to
make
things
easy
Was Sayed ibn Musayev, the son-in-law of Abu
Hurairah? Nam. He was.
What can our masajid and social interaction venues
do to,
inculcate culture of guard of of guarding the
the gaze of men observing hijab for women.
So that the standard for beauty, what is
pleasing to the eye is not so high.
I mean, subhanallah. Even if it's not in
the masajid, it's already out there. Men and
women, they don't really pay base their, their
yanis. Standard of beauty based on what they
see in the masajid.
They're they're bombarded by this on TV,
on social media,
on the Internet, everywhere you go. Even when
you walk, you have all these big billboards
sometimes posting all these unique, you know, pictures
and so forth. So, unfortunately, Barman is all
over the place. So it's not really about
the measure otherwise. But definitely, definitely,
it's our moral responsibility as men and women
being in a community, to
watch our guards and guard our our our
so that we're we're respectful to one another.
And remember, like I said,
when it come to beauty is the eye
of the beholder, you need also to educate
yourself about the meaning of beauty. Don't be
like everybody else in the superficial level of
beauty. It's way beyond the physical image or
line.
Which Rawa is the one who doubted the
or?
That actually is someone in the subgenerators of
the of the hadith, which was not mentioned
in the book here. I didn't actually look
into it. Is
there a guide for women looking for spouse?
Do the 4 qualities mentioned for the women
applies to looking for a husband too? Actually,
the prophet for women, what did he say?
He said,
If you if a man comes to you
and you are pleased with his deen and
akhlaq,
meaning his relationship with Allah and the relationship
with the with the people, then don't reject
this man.
Accept him. Did he mention anything about his
wealth?
As long as he's a skillful person who's
gonna earn money, alhamdulillah, then we're good. Did
he mention anything about his how handsome he
is? His beauty?
And all God's beauty are beautiful. Right? Right?
So it's not necessary that the most important
things for women actually, and and reality tells
us about this. You've seen, unfortunately in some
popular culture, is that a woman is willing
to marry somebody who's 70 years old, when
she's 20 years old.
Why is
that? Because it was money.
So it's it's not the stand that it's
it's not what they're really looking for is
being handsome, or or being this or being
that. So that's what the prophet, he actually
says, focus on these two things about men.
This is the most important thing for you.
But does it mean a woman shouldn't look
for a husband who was handsome, Yani?
No. But what does it mean to be
handsome? Something pleasing to the eye. That's it.
The deen, akhlaq,
al al Hasab, and the Mahr,
is that listed in order of priority? That's
an argument among the Mahadeetin. They were listed
in order of priority,
but, yeah. And it's it's not conclusive in
that regard. So no. Not necessary.
What is reasonable in terms of looking at
future spouse? Are you allowed to remove your
hijab? No.
I don't recommend for you to move your
hijab in front of a guy who wants
to see you without hijab.
If he has ladies to work and let
him know, Alhamdulillah, he can see, for example,
the the overall in the family, from the
kids for example. How they look like, and
all their hair, and so on. They can
tell that. Why this is actually is not
is not a good idea?
What if his master is satisfied with you
a 100%. He was pleased. He's happy. He
came 2, 3 times, and then the only
thing that's a a deal breaker for him
is what? He wants to see you without
your hijab.
And then you do that. You go and
you beautify yourself, and you make your hair,
Marshall, look fancy and beautiful and so on.
And the next day he calls, he goes,
I'm so sorry.
How devastating that is for the lady?
How horrible that could be for her
It breaks her, and her self esteem completely.
That's why if the man needs to man
up and listen look. You're gonna have to
also like we said, always there's always an
element of taking risk.
So,
why do we make the distinction between religiosity
and good character on the two side of
the same coin? Of course, obviously, there's no
doubt about it. But just this is from
an academic point of view to separate between
the two things.
It's because people confuse these things. They think
that someone is mashallah because of their long
beard and fluffy hijab. They must be mashallah,
perfectly in their halak and their character.
No. Your length of the the beard and
the fluffy hijab doesn't doesn't guarantee you're a
good person. It simply just have some religiosity.
Spirituality is a different thing.
Another very specific, you know, question about marriage
and Mahar, and all these things, and we're
gonna have to skip them.
Oh, by the way, someone's asking, could we
please mention what books are used for these
sessions?
They listed somewhere. Can someone make a, answer
that comment there inshallah, we'll give them the
Even share share the link with them inshallah.
Even share share the link with them inshallah.