Channel: Yaser Birjas
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Sitting down because I lose my energy. And I like to be standing specific a topic like this one is the person to be standing.
bossa nova is
the perfect husband, the best model for all husbands throughout history for Miss Thompson.
I know when we bring this issue up the issue of sola sola seven as the perfect husband, many, many men they get irritated.
Why? Because they immediately they say they take this as a direct or indirect criticism to their behavior with their wives. So I'm just giving you the point right now, just rest assured.
This is not about criticizing men, and it's not giving women an advantage over men. It's about studying the facts, telling you who was Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what did he do some Allah Azza wa Salaam in his life, as a husband. Now we know
a lot as as the Messenger of Allah, The Great Prophet of Allah, but as a husband, as a family, man, few people really know much about sort of La Silla Bob Marley himself.
We always talk about the rights of
basically the rights of the husbands. And we will talk about the husband, many women, they feel that they are being taken advantage of this, and men that they can support from the amount of the Messiah, but how many lectures Have you ever attended, talking about the obligations of husbands, towards their wives? I know when we announced the lecture, when we announced the lecture saying the obligation the rights of wives not to marry men within
you will find much of the place packed with ladies, but not to men, in many ways men will be attended a lecture. Why? Because they know that this is not for me. I know myself, I know what I'm doing. handler My watch is happiness.
yourself. Did you ever ask her? Is it because she's not complaining that she's happy? So we try right now just to change the whole subject and change the title saying
the perfect husband. That's another way of saying the obligation of a husband towards his wife. And how a man should really treat his wife and how a man what exactly the description of the perfect husband. Which means if you'd like to get married, then that's what you need to be doing. And if you already have the candelabra man, look what you've been missing all this time. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
He received this perfect message. The Quran. And Islam came covering every aspect of our lives, including
including the family life. So when you read the Lima Rasulullah, sallAllahu is not just about,
about a Jihad about
inviting people to Islam. What about the dispersal man?
What did he do? How was he preserved the perfect husband? So Allah,
Allah Subhana, WA.
woman it among his sign is this that he has created for you for yourself as what makes
for that purpose that you find second with them. They just can't find a second. Now what's the meaning of second? The meaning of second? I mean, I can explain that in one or two words in English language, but it doesn't give it really the right interpretation of the word second, basically, second means peace and tranquility.
So let's define the purpose of marriage. Why do people get married? I know you guys have your own purposes. But although the ultimate goal why what exactly should you should find a new man to make to consider you your marriage successful marriage, you need to amend this you need to find this new method. What is it? Second? means peace, tranquility. Check your marriage or relationship. Is it peaceful?
They have a tranquil house when you go home. Do you feel that you have the peace? Or how does it go? What is exactly your relationship with your spouse. If you don't find that these then something needs to be done in order to bring it back to you
on the basis of
This piece, the basis of this second and tranquility in the house
was anabaena Kumar.
Following that at the same time, watch avena mama and he plays between your heart goes into the husband and wife, Miranda and drama. The word Nevada means love.
If you bring love and mercy to your life, you will have a peaceful life guaranteed. And I'm telling you satisfaction guarantee. If you implement those two things in your relationship, you'll get that peace and tranquility.
ever play module zero Allah Allah He says that any successful marriage relationship should have those two components. It just like marriage, it just like a bird. That's why the two wings, love and mercy
that they're both healthy and strong. You will fly high and they are not going to be trying but won't fly very, very hard.
Love and Mercy that will bring peace and tranquility to your life.
the prophets of Allah received then us from debris, saying that in the law, the Debian came down to the prophets of Allah some of the news, Allah subhanho wa Taala Eucharist hurry the Salah,
Allah ascending Salah. So Khadija
look the beautiful response of
this wise woman.
Allah subhanho wa Taala sending salam to her. Usually when someone say that someone is sending Salaam to you what do you say
What did you say that?
She said Allah subhanaw taala is one of his names.
woman was Sarah Amsterdam live comes from him.
Which means I cannot believe
that he is set up he is all comes from Ghana.
And then then you that campus
we will surely be waiting for the gentleman giving you the good news. The last house for you and agenda debated
her nice beautiful 10th of agenda quality houses not dunia German quality houses. Focus La La Sahaba
Lhasa in that house there will be no sahab which means noise clamor and so on. What aniseh no fatigue as any woman
What do you complain about the most? Those three things.
Children, cleaning noises, running around yelling, crying and so on TVs high level everything is is mixing chaotic
and fatigue going around the house trying to serve the finish his or her walk as quick as possible before you come back from war. So that's how that gets so much tension puts so much pressure on them, that it makes them feel that the light is lacking the tranquility and second, that loss of power.
That's why in return a lot of promise technician will want to suffer from at home in dunya. I'll give you that peace and tranquility engine.
So for the ladies for the sisters, now, how about you all with houses like this last?
Now which means women the chances that women have second peace tranquility at home is less than
the charm because they don't have that peace and tranquility home. What do they do?
You know, what do they do?
They complain What do you call the complaints?
So start escalating
from both parties will be too much pressure. Why? Because there's misunderstanding. We are not getting the piece we should be having at home. There is no tranquillity. There are a lot of promise that if we get by what's going on?
What went wrong in the relationship between a husband and wife?
Here's the thing and the shell of the talk here this evening will be about the subject this particular subject what went wrong and how can a husband help? How can the husband help be that perfect or Ideal Husband inshallah Allah to bring peace and tranquility to his house?
You see the issues isn't about perfect husband, or Ideal Husband. What do you think?
You guys can be perfect husbands.
Those guys can be in bed with husbands. I don't think so. If you look into the perfect, then you're dreaming, you will never reach that goal. So you have to be more realistic, which means take an ideal. I obviously ideal pattern for a husband. Perfection. Human perfection does exist, but it's in its own right and understanding as human beings, how do we consider our actions perfect, we consider our actions that we are going to make mistakes. If you make a mistake, as a human, in order to be perfect, you have to amend immediately your actions by repenting over and over again. That's why
you make mistakes.
And the best amongst them, those who make mistakes are those who rush to repentance.
So if you make a mistake, to reach that level of human perfection,
don't try to eliminate all mistakes from your mind. Because it's almost impossible, you cannot do that because very hard. As human beings, we come with these difficulties, we're gonna make mistakes. In the process of doing good, we make mistakes, just like
you make a mistake, fix it right away.
Same thing would happen in a medical relationship. So to expect women to expect men to be perfect husbands, it's impossible for men, to expect yourself to be perfect husband is also difficult. Because if you try to do that, and you keep falling short, you get desperate, when you get desperate, you become angry, because you cannot reach your goal. When you become angry. You just seem completely just stop doing doing anything. Right? Why because I do literally right now. disorient you don't know what to do. There's nothing more you can do. Why because you cannot reach that goal. So what should be looking for perfection or idealism? What law what is best is to look
for idealism something that you can see as an as an ideal pattern that you can implement. And that is
this idea of perfection Usually,
it comes from this culture. You know, they talk about marriage, what is the
perfect match, perfect match. I mean, there is difficult, it is almost impossible to find a perfect match. But you can really find the right match.
Once you get the right match, you can walk out with it, and you can adapt to it. But to try to reach that perfect match, it's all in your mind.
And you're going to face a meet that perfect match in one place for the gentleman in dunya. It's hard to find that perfect match but you can definitely find the right match to
Rasul Allah. Allah gave us some indications towards this right match and good.
if someone comes to you is requesting to get married from your daughter, your sister and so he comes and he asked for a dose of your sister, the professor such an investigator
in a job to
test and examine their DNA, and their manner of law bringing us again to the same photo
meaning three people can live with good manners. So test their fidelity under US law is not enough to have good deal.
Good deal does not mean that the person will implement or he believes he or she believes she might be the most religious person when it comes to Allah Subhana Allah she's not a perfect person. Alright, presumption of love sent in the person might be the most religious, but it might not be implemented.
Following the example of a pseudo law is not just in devotion, I'm actually glad that it also manifested.
someone you're satisfied with the religion and the law, so would you please accept the proposal?
accept the proposal. And the professor wasn't even
if you don't do that,
if you don't do that, which means if you change the criteria of marriage, that's what you get fitna turmoil, catastrophes in the social life
and very widespread corruption.
If you keep looking for materials to things and just keep you know, delay in installing the issue that matters because of not finding that perfect person in terms of material life, then
You will hear that fitnah
was warning us from even in hazard. For the last time
he was asked if someone can propose to my daughter to chill I give them tons of money a tequila.
Give her somebody who feels the last panel
wise that he said. And this is again, to summarize, the concept of mannerism of law Ideal Husband said someone who really feels almost dangerous, again to the football, the first quality,
law, whatever you want me
to give her to someone who
truly, sincerely believe what God say now.
If he likes her, if he loves her, will be so generous, generous in terms of the material life and social life and emotional life will be so generous with him.
he dislikes Him,
He will not progress.
He'll be just unfair to her meaning is going to be kind as much as possible, necessarily emotionally attached to her, but he's not gonna crash. That's the concept of duffel. If you can find someone like this, that's the grace and the Ideal Husband, the Ideal Husband, that you can find for a daughter and for yourself, you'd like to be that Ideal Husband, there is what has been discussed in this football, the football Actually, today, as well as the same topic over here. Now, to bring this issue down, and to make it more practical.
Let's see how
it all springs out from the same concept. mannerism. Why is that? It's because it's a marriage is about what relationships, when you say relationship means about interaction. When you interact, interact with people, it's not a matter of interaction between a husband and wife. No, these are complex relations, that goes around that, that the nucleus of this of this social structure, we call it family, you have a man and a woman coming together, they get married instantly, once they get married, they establish new relationships, completely complex relationships. So we have a husband and wife, entity they create our relationships, we call them in laws,
father in law, mother in law on both sides, what about their siblings, they become brothers and sisters in law, you cannot say no, just because we love each other
social structure, what are you gonna do with them, I don't care. I don't mind it, whether they love me or not. You have to accept that because it's going to be part of your family structure, your social structure, you have to know how to interact with those people. Same thing, once you have a child, when you conceive a child and you have a child from this marriage was this child is born. And you also knew structure will be established because of this. This child we can become a son or a daughter, you become immediately father and mother.
Before that, even just a husband and wife. Now I became a father and a mother. And even your parents, they become grandparents, they become uncles and aunts and cousins and so on. So you can have a lot of complex relationships, marriage established relationships, all these relationships means interaction. Within actually between people, you're going to have to maintain what the profit or loss says, we'll call it the NASA
which means treat people kindly and treat them with good manners. Marriage is all about this policy. treating your spouse kindly with good manners.
I know many, many people are feeling professional fields, they go out and they present the best of what they have.
But when they go home, they show less than an hour
less than this level of professional relationship with other people. So when they go out there, all the smiling, they always have this business, you know, relations with people and try to be professional sometimes on both counts with family life. I was installing Did you bring that with, you know, level gods? What did you bring that with you? shala. When I come back from southern Russia, from South America, we always lag on our professionalism at home. Why is the simulation in a relationship with your spouse as well? So it's all about mannerism. And if not, see Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
I felt a lot that was asked about us below.
What was the
most mannerism? She said can I follow his mannerisms?
What does that mean? Visa
Whatever you see, have good data and is demanding and recommended to you, he performed that the first person
prohibitions the first person to go away from by doing so Rasulullah saw Lhasa was indeed implemented.
was an actual an actual and practical interpretation of the Quran, besides his vocal, horrible interpretation of his life was that actual interpretation of the Quran. So, it was all coming from the Quran
is an implementation of that, if you follow his example, then you will definitely follow the example. And for your mannerism will absolutely be the mannerism of Rasulullah Salah which is coming from the Quran. And as
he said, Muslim
Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam was the best well mannered, well behaved now Rasulullah sallallahu
wasallam I've never seen anyone in my life, I've never seen anybody who was what manner what we have to have a supervisor.
So it is all about your mannerism, how we deal with your spouse, I know in many, many, many relations between a husband and wife because we don't like to have too much pressure on us. So we can you know, get relaxed in our house. Still this relaxation, the relationship causes misunderstanding between the husband wife or the husband sometimes he just keeps stalling
the request of his wife not responding to them on time. He keeps doing things in a professional way. And that irritates
the Why does the same thing return she doesn't show patience. She's because in her husband she takes these taking him for granted and so on. So, they put too much pressure on each other. When we see that the masala
mannerism what what can what can make your marriage or break.
Now Rasul Allah has implemented that in his life.
In doing so, he was
he was implemented at Starla solara. Center, Cairo, Cairo,
the best among those who are the best of their families. And then he said, and I am the best of my family. Why do you think Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam said I am the best of my family? What was that for?
What is it?
the best amongst you? Are those are the best of their families. Wouldn't that be sufficient for us? To know that the best is the best of his family. But then he said, and I am the rest of my family. What does that mean?
example? Meaning Listen, I'm saying this to you. And I'm telling you, I'm doing it already. Follow my example. And we are obligated to follow the example.
So the problem was not just giving you a theory.
It's not just giving you something just lip service talking. That's all. No, he was giving you a practical example of his life. And this is the best among you know, the better families. And he says I am the best for my family. So follow my example. Therefore, what was the example of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam.
If you ask any woman
because they should judge you by the way.
It's not it's not you're judging yourself. I'm doing my job. I'm not doing my job. That's them judging you. And now I know that most men are getting scared right now. Oh my god, you're gonna open the panel for them right now. So no, but I will say it's, it's them who can judge if you're doing the right example or not. That doesn't mean however that Mashallah angels will also have our own shortcomings. So don't expect when you have a criticism against men, that women will be square for criticism, we both gonna be criticized because again, it's a matter of relationship. And we have to help one another for goodness and dystonia.
But if I say generally speaking, what women usually look into a man, what are they looking for? And I know for most newlywed about too short to get mad when
they look for specific qualities.
For those who are already in marriage, they want to improve their qualities. Let's see what women think of what exactly they're looking for. In a husband. I met a research will non Muslims and non Muslim in websites before I even went to Muslims. I used the survey and asked some friends around and asked them to ask their wives basically, tell me bring you the answer. What exactly a woman you know in general would like to see that her husband and specifically I'm talking about mostly related to
about those who have some kind of moral structure, and religious background, even among non Muslims, I was looking for those people who have some kind of, you know, religious backgrounds to tell me that he asked these women, these ladies what they were looking for in a man. And you know what? Here are the the non Islamic response from non Muslims? number one.
Number one growing Christian
This is the one the husband to grow from someone who grew up Christian, which means religious, whether it's Catholic, or not basically Christian, Does this sound familiar to you?
And then the second one
active in church.
I mean, somehow, if we just change the world church would message it.
Does this sound familiar to you? Three loves animals God,
what do we call that?
Feeling the last
four, has a good testimony. Which means if you ask about them, you get feedback, positive feedback people they know about them. So they're missing the people.
has Jimmy Smith humbleness then our arrogance. With
a humble person. It doesn't mean to be weak, to be humble, with humility.
Next, forgiving. Which means they know their shortcomings. So therefore they want someone who can forgive, not always criticize given instructions, be forgiving. And they say
loyal and faithful. So they want their husband to be loyal to them. Because if I'm going to basically if I wanted to be loyal to you, I need your loyalty in return. And the list goes on and on and on. And Subhanallah be surprised that list appears to be Universalist. Whether you're Muslim or non Muslims, women, they look for the same qualities, they need someone who really feels
because they know someone has this religious background means this, these these ethics, religious ethics, they know that they're going to maintain a good relationship with them. Because the delicate, sensitive
women, they are the person who goes to the church who goes to the masjid, who practice Tao. And of course, a lot of power is there practicing what they say.
which means they feel a lot. And that's a manifestation of feeling of loss
to someone else, so they can trust them. And they know they're going to be loyal to them as well. So these are considered universal values. However, women also are looking for something very, very specific. When it comes right now to practical aspects in the house. I don't know we have laid down the foundation, it's all about manners.
Law, and it's all based on feeling the last panel thought if if you don't bother, be generous to them, if you don't, you're gonna be so mean to them. But now let's make some of these practical aspects when I ask the man next after that, Okay, tell me then what you do what exactly in practical life, what you're looking for the qualities of the man or husband was exactly what they're looking for. And I'm bringing some of these also universal answers for Muslim and non Muslims as well. And added to this from the life process.
Starting from the bottom, I'm going to be just about five, six, actually the seven qualities starting from the bottom to the top quality that they're looking for.
So in this case, I would say number seven, to be handy.
Women, they like the husband to be handy, what's the meaning of being handy, which means the man is always active in the house, they want to see you active in the house the way they are active. So when you come into the house without one fix and change the boat, if you don't go and do the same, we don't help you know what they can fixing things around the house like you want them to be just moving around like the bee in the beehive sales how it is not handy, just so lazy.
So they want someone who's really handy who can do these things.
I showed the machinery that
he used to suit his own. So when it's done when the bottom is missing, it doesn't
work was my shirt
wasn't fixed yet. If she's busy doing something else, he would grab it, fix it himself. Don't get offended when she doesn't fix it yourself. I'm not saying to do that. But at least
prepare yourself to be handy. Do your own stuff.
And same thing I showed the ladder she said what else if when Allah fix his own shoes
if his shoes or slippers are too
And she said Why?
And he does around the house but other measures we do, which means being handed in she said something practical she said capitalism is used to sweep the house. clean the house. When you watch you asked you to come back to the room, your own offices, please like in your own office, your own room alone. That was me, what
he used to live in milk the goats with his own hand, somebody was helping around the house. Basically, this is the behind the fixing around the house. Then number six, the same provision oriented, which means
the way they wives, they help around the house to maintain the house, they also help them with their work. Not just not generally speaking, maintaining the house to be happy, no maintaining most of the work of your spouse, you have your wife, if she's doing the laundry, for instance, why don't you help her with them? So you know, what are you gonna do something else, I'll take care of this for you.
And somehow, they don't know how much women appreciate when they open the trashcan, this new back end
will lie they appreciate it so much.
Because they know that I didn't do that. Someone who's gonna be it's not gonna be medical, because they know someone else did that I must be.
And for the wives, you see that if you see a green bag in the trash can go to them and say
thank you very much appreciate they will love them. Why because they know how they know it's very irritating to take this out. property if you have if you have to walk outside rather than apartment or you have to get up somewhere else and sunsets probably takes a lot of effort on them. And if you want a job, she needs to
prepare herself to go out on public again and so on. So basically, it's too much effort for us. If we're going to do it easily they will say there's like a lot that we appreciate that. Because I know most men they think in their practical in our mind, why waste another bag if they can push the trash all the way and then do whatever they have on top of that
specifically California because you care about you know being green and reuse and recycles on so as much as you can just stop it in there. That doesn't mean that you don't do that as well you can you can do it but whenever you think it's for now there's there's no more space in there. Come on, it's only a bag. Just take it up and chin
and I saw the love that she said as a Muslim. When
asked her how the prophets of Allah Salaam deal with his wife, she said
he used to be in the service of his family.
But when it was time for Salah by the heart of the Salah
when it was time for Salah, we become just like standard, which means
He comes back into the job,
but what is there on the house is always given a helping hand.
Number 5765 humility and humbleness.
Believe me, no one likes an older person.
Imagine this arrogant person is here in your own house under your own roof. A husband or a wife? No.
arrogance is an arrogant person just like someone who was at the top of a mountain on the summer months, when this person is at the top of that mountain looking down at other people. How do they see them?
How do they look like to you? So let's so people who are on top of the mountain and their arrogance, they look down on others and they see them so tiny and little. What they don't realize is that those who are too little to them, because they're too far also. So when they look up to look at you how big they see you.
They also see you so little.
So this mutual kind of feeling of interaction. If you look down to them like this, if they look up to you, but they don't look up to you with admiration.
Look at him or look at her. So if I guess in general is so bad, imagine this is not happening between a husband and wife.
He would humble herself himself to his spouse his wife Russell
Even one time,
you remember they were coming back from Fiverr was
his wife. Now she wanted to mount the camera on the camera. She wasn't ever probably, or maybe just to show the process on the show his kindness and humility to her, he went all the way down Guinea all the way down. Basically, he acted like this.
They went down to his knee, make a step to his wife, or his wife, she could just step on his knee and jump on the camera, on the way up, she will definitely had to raise her foot. So which might give a chance for her leg, the other leg to show up for the people. So
he covered her with a stub. So when she was coming on the top of
the mountain, he was covering.
Everybody saw that.
And they reported it to us. And we see how awesome just humbling is why even
today? Do you open the door to Why?
Whether it's the house, or even the car? do you do that?
or if it's shy, you don't want the guys to see you, oh my god.
And I'm sure how the technology is on a lot of problems. Today specifically have a man, you can just press a button and the doors open. So you don't say that you opened the door.
But you really do that this is exactly the same thing was opening the door.
humility, humbling himself to them.
adapt to the change,
adaptation to adapt to the change. I mean, if you were married five years, 10 years ago, 15 years ago, look at yourself, look at yourself in the mirror, do the same guy 1015 years ago, when you first got married, that same guy that she loves, she fell in love with. I mean, come on, look at yourself, dramatically. So therefore don't expect her to have the same passions she had with that same guy 15 years ago.
You have to adapt to the change the way you expect them to adapt to the change as well. It doesn't mean to hate them, because they don't owe
you that you have to kill that passion in a different way. And that's when the word rahama mercy comes in. Remember, we said about Mama, Mama the love and mercy to components. If you lose love in your relationship, and also many families, they lose the concept of this passion and love like they had in the past. What really runs in the family is the mercy.
I feel sorry for him. That's why I'm living with him for the past 50 years. I feel sorry for her for the children. So that's why we live in together doesn't mean that makes a healthy family life. No. But I'm saying that people they stop, adapt themselves to the change, try to change, accept that change and build on it something positive for themselves.
give an example.
So how how people change immediately or quickly after marriage, other than in a magazine, and it's a true story. Where a couple they got married. And of course in the joy of marriage and and marital relationship. And so they wanted to go for a honeymoon. And they decided to go for camera and they go to Mecca, Marshall, such a wonderful experience. So they go to the Mathematica and
they went to the hotel, and she relates the story, the worldwide actress. And she says that Pamela, those beautiful moments of their parents alive. So probably the first week maybe more weak or secondary, whatever. So there were so happy with each other that one point she was walking in, though, carrying something for her and she tripped.
So when she tripped the guy was sitting on the chair or sitting somewhere. He jumped from his position, say Bismillah
Bismillah Bismillah protects you.
So was so sweet.
Now a year later she goes she said, we went for over
a year later, just one year. So we went from and we went to hotel for the same hotel assembled.
And the same incident happened. She said
Remember what I said last year.
He said this milotic will protect this year he goes what she said she said what's wrong with every one of something
dramatic genetic change. those passions that they had at the beginning of their medical relationships are standing outside and gradually instead of saying
So they take each other for granted. Once you take your spouse for granted, well, that's when you start misbehaving.
Don't take them for granted. But at the same time, make sure that you always treat them kindly.
and treat them with the best manners Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, he never makes his professional life, whether this person lived with his spouse, meaning if he had any difficulties outside the house,
he doesn't go and put that pressure on the spouses and his wife.
He never does.
And if he does, to seek guidance from them, like what it is
today, via Wanda Sahaba, has such a great book.
And now they were banned from going into Mecca than the prophet SAW some comes out of the treaty was signed, and they said, okay, we need to just shave right now and go back to Medina. So how they are the outskirts of Mecca? And you're telling us to go all the way back again, we didn't do it wrong. Let's do it. We just
says, No, we should respect that rate to become next year. The Sahaba they all refused.
So maybe the problems gonna change his mind later. But he said, that's it. No, there was so upset, so angry that I was gonna
go ahead and shave your head. No one was doing it. So he goes into the house, into the temple. And he was so awesome, so sad, and so grieved by the behavior of the Sahaba. Sitting, did you see what I'm trying to do so but they're not listening to me. So she told him, don't worry about it. Just go out, don't talk to them corporate about about have him shave your head, and then make us slaughter animals. And he will say everybody will follow, which means they love it, don't worry about they're gonna do it. Just do it.
They won't see them again. So they said they might something might change, go first and do it yourself. So the promises are we went out and without talking to anybody, called the barber, shaved his head, slaughter the animals, and then everybody stopped doing that immediately after.
But they were so upset and so angry that
they almost killed each other.
So almost basically almost killed one another.
Now, you see that
he could get very upset, and civilian and his wife talks them so what's what's going on? It says none of your business. Now he told me he asked for her guidance.
number three, sensitivity to be sensitive. being sensitive, is that number one quality is to listen.
So being sensitive, to care about their needs, care for them.
And also, our services, so sensitive with almost all people specifically with his wife.
And he cares so much. Because so much for them. We were so passionate for them.
Part of the sensitivity is to show a sense of humor. And he asked women, they like to have some of our sense of humor. No serious at home. No, you need to get a job. You need to flirt you need to have fun with the family and suddenly that kind of quality and their houses and also what
he used to do that as well.
He used to walk in the streets of Medina shaking hands even with the with the young children. You send him out of Sudan. He used to love that and saw the people of Medina, he lived with the heads of the kids and he shakes hands with them. And he says that I'm relating to them, even with the children.
Now this is just a stranger. What about his own children and his own grandchildren? Who was the most beloved person
and the same
thing he used to joke with the people even when with other women, when a woman came to the profits have a lot of excitement and she said they also love
an old woman
Man can you imagine a woman
and she was surprised. She was saddened by the news oh my gosh am I wasting my time then following you? He says
that Allah Subhana will make them back to be means young women they all we come back come back the young men and women that's what she was pleased. But the prophet SAW someone smiling was not was joking with him. So lots of money was in the money. And this sensitivity was eliminated like to see in the house to learn from this process.
sulla ma sobre la is
the prophets of Allah said never discipline by hand, never discipline a wife and a woman, or a shirt or a server, never
sleeping with no incidents in his life. And you know what you guys have probably most of you have only one
masala sauce and had nine households, all the headaches that you claim to have one household, they have nine households. And it has to do all of this with good manners.
And he never, he never went physical in his treatment just type of visit with his family,
even as a server 10 years old, and he served
for 10 years of his precious life. His youth was in the service of Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam. And he said, he never he never yelled at me.
He never yelled at me. He never upset with me never did that.
And he remember the message he said one time he sent me off for something. He was dispatched to go and fulfill requests for us all so awesome. young boy on the way out in the alley, he found some kids playing. So
asked him to come. They always get distracted, easily distracted,
distracted, and he just watching the kids and then all of a sudden he finds himself playing with him.
And he says I got kind of taken over by the by the game. All of a sudden, I feel somebody grabbed me from behind. So the province of Assam. He said he grabbed from behind his back from his neck like this. He says, what did I send you?
So he left? That's all he said. Remember? I said
did you go so now my
sensitivity, being so compassionate to them. So
the last quality
and you'd be surprised. But number one quality women look into the husbands is to be good listeners.
So listen to them.
You know what the meaning of listening,
not just open your ears, open your mind and your heart. That's what they asked for.
I know most men or women talk, they take they take this time as just basically a wasted time. So therefore they're trying to finish things that they cannot do when they have precious more precious moments. So they asked their wives or their chickens or emails.
Or they were flipping pages on the newspaper or guy with a remote control, flipping you know, channels just wasted the time until they finish. And when they
keep on keepin on.
Or maybe when his wife, she tells him you know, they have five minutes. I want to talk to you, sir. Okay, come to the office. Why is that? Because you know, it's gonna take more than five minutes to do something in the office while she's talking
to the garage. Because while she's talking, I can do things that doesn't walk like this. When you listen, they really want someone who can just open his heart and open his mind.
Most men unfortunately they consider you know, women talking that they're looking for solution. So when your wife talks immediately, you basically get your instinct, that masculine instinct means Oh, my god, there's a problem is the result.
So he interrupts after five minutes, he ends up why because he's not assessing all the information is getting taken taken different error messages. So in our martial law, he taught me to act like a person will solve all these problems. So it goes okay. Why don't you Why don't you just go and take the kids to the park?
And she tells him
I mean, I don't want them to know really, you need some time? You know what, why don't you just go to the mall and shall take care of the kids for you. You're not listening. And then I get very upset since I was missing for the past five minutes but you said you're not listening. Why? Because you didn't get the point. All what they want to do they want just somebody who can really listen to them is
the best was the best listener in the long howdy famous as soon
as show the love of writing the story of 10 different women from the journey and before Islam, those women, they were talking about the qualities of their husbands. If you just read the Hadith in the Arabic language, it probably will take you five minutes. just reading it
probably will take you five minutes almost.
So imagine I
was listening to this which is for most men would be nonsense. What is that for me?
talk with me about all these women, all these husbands song, I do better. I know myself.
And they listen to that story, probably he knew about that story before she was even born. And he was listening until he until she finished. When she finished again, she, she received feedback,
saying, and I shall be to you, like I was the best of the 10 people that she mentioned in her story. And I'll be like opposite of each other.
So he wasn't listening. And he gave a feedback on the Solo Solo audio center. Now most men, again, when they give the feedback, they get one wrong feedback. They give solutions they don't get, you know, just a sense of connectivity, and interaction with their spouse, the only thing you need, when she talks it just to say that you are listening, meaning Oh, my God, all this has been going on.
I didn't know that. Wow, this is this is so beautiful. This is very nice. This is so cool. Oh, this is awful. All these kind of words they like to read and just to connect with them, not necessarily trying to solve the problem by saying, so why don't you? Why don't you then just turn the TV off. Don't listen to the news. And if you get depressed, don't give them those kind of feedback. They get really frustrated, when the kids don't try to give solutions just feel when they say you know what?
That is so great. And most of them will be really surprised if they hear this positive feedback from you for the feedback from you. Because they won't expect that.
expect them to give their own Mashallah intelligence, assessment and answers, solutions. But when you give them just something like that, it means that this is for them, he is listening, so I can talk more.
I want to talk
It's not about how much time you listen to them. It's really how much time you give me on time for the
women, they don't care about how much you spend for them
is they don't care about you going from five hours in the morning until five o'clock in the evening go even farther than that. Because most men I know they have so proud of themselves. This is what they value their achievements. When they criticize them. They're not helping the house, they say, Well, what are we doing outside all day, nobody can be doing this. I'm working 1618 hours remove this for you. They don't care about that. They don't care about how much time you spend for them. They care about how much time you spend with them.
10 minutes of quality time with them equivalent of 20 minutes, 20 hours probably outside, they don't really see. They don't see you working for them. They see you only away from them. For all these 18 hours, 10 hours, 16 hours, they don't see you What can they see you walking away or somewhere away from them, given the quality time
and listen to them. There are so many great stories from
being the greatest husband. So
the bottom line, to summarize all this is to go back again to what we started with.
It's all about mannerisms, that
you start with this, talk to your spouse, talk to your wife, talk to your husband, tell them you know what, I really think that I need to improve, you know, in certain areas.
So help me I need your help. So when I do something wrong, please don't be harsh in your criticism. Just give me as an advice, and I shall do my best to fix myself. Someday when you talk to your spouse, don't give instructions. Just give them faithful sincere advice in a way that just builds relationship between you and your spouse. We do that with people that we love outside our marital relationship, why not in our marital relationship? It's all about mannerism. And it's all about that really bring that ideal pattern of family life and being the perfect husband or the best model for your family and for kids as well.
so we have
Anyway, do you guys have any questions?
If you have questions, go ahead. Your chance.
Mashallah, our teachers taught us a very simple rule said if after a long speech like this one. If you notice a question, it's one of two things. What are the guys that have stood everything by
So, the first thing,
but usually when we have, you know, Angela talks like this, it will generate a lot of questions. And there's always a chance for improvement that needs to be focused on emphasize on a song. So do you guys have any questions?
That's a good one. there gonna be another lecture on the perfect Why? I guess, you know,
if I come back, inshallah, hopefully we can do.
The other thing that's probably surprised that we don't see that. But really women like
the word love itself. He didn't see it in that list what the list is too long today.
However, this is the problem, the difference between a man and a woman is interpretation of love.
So we see that all the things that I mentioned to you, none of these include love for math perspective, from women's perspective is totally different. Love is a practical thing. It's an action that you make you don't just look at me that's saying, I love you. How many times you have an issue with your wife, and then you guys say to your wife, you say, Honey, I love you so much. When you go, she goes, she says you're lying.
And she says, if you if you truly love me, then take the trash out.
Why not? Because for her love is something practical. Show it and if you say let me show it to me, where is it? I don't see it.
You don't listen to me, you don't come a time. You don't have to take the kids away from me to get my space, all these kind of things. So if you didn't love me, just don't come and say I love you. I love what I love and then act against this world. That's the concept of love for them. So when you see the whole services they're looking for, because if you serve them
so it's basically a subtle message, I love you.
And when you ask the lady that the husband is really handy, and solos helping around the house, how, however that person is so nice, so gentle.
That doesn't mean that you don't say the word.
You need to say it every once in a while women they like to eat a lot, even if you ever line
but they love to hear it. And I know for men, two words are the most difficult Words to Pronounce for their wives.
You got to know those words.
Sorry, and I love you.
The most difficult, they're probably ready to talk themselves.
Basically, even if they know that they're wrong, if they know they're wrong, they don't get it.
And they go, they say fine, you know.
And they're ready to face the situation by all means, start, you know, acting funny, bringing gifts. When they come back home, they bring something nice to them. So just without saying I'm sorry, will lie. You take a shortcut? Just
it will save you some money.
So they would love to hear the word I'm sorry.
Yes. Was there any
fight or an argument with his wife?
Was anytime a civilized person had any fight or an argument with his wife? Oh, absolutely. Did you have libres Allah knows how many of you guys attended?
Raise your hands.
I hope you guys became experts in that field. But we've covered the whole seminar all weekend on this area, like personalized and we've seen that a sort of law is about seven his his family and private life but just like anybody else, another human being he has he has some issue with his wife. The issue of nagging Oh my god.
I mean, same thing, same.
Same problem. They keep nagging and nagging and nagging they need more money, more money, more money. That's what it is just like you know, another way they always look into improvements. You know, this has been here for example, for the past two weeks, we did a new one. The furniture we did we bought it last year with the new furniture they always there's always room for improvement in their family in their life. And and the same thing in Metro cinema.
very upset with them.
And he gave him he gave him that he is not going to approach his wife for a whole month. And he completely is
very, very upset. He was so so worried about his daughter have some diapers, little hearts and it goes to houses. She was weeping and crying and he goes what's wrong with divorce? You know, so what is it somewhere there the message and he left her weeping and crying
He went to look for salah and masala was already by himself and happyland was guarding the stairways to this place.
So they said is
seeking permission from without one opposite Allah was lying on his side quiet like men usually do, which is probably the scariest moment for women when they see their husbands so quiet they don't respond oh my god there's something's just going on.
So also was very quiet. Without cameras I asked permission he didn't say anything. So, I sat down for some time and then he got just overwhelmed again you just want to go and try again. So without goes up. He wants permission he wants to talk to the solar was very quiet.
So he came back and said I did again said nothing. So again, almost three times the third time it says go and
can you give some time? So that also watch it okay.
Omar comes in, he says, I'm so quiet like this looks very upset. He didn't just sit down. So I said that said, you know, standing, I said,
you know, when we're Medina, Mecca, we wish we had basically, you know, this kind of masculinity. So we took over, we were in charge of our houses. Buddha came to Medina down, sorry, you know, the women that was out of the house. And unfortunately, a woman stopped taking the same as a lot. So when we talk to them the answer back
to the moment I saw was morning, I sat down,
which is I don't have the letter space right now there is room for talking. Then immediately, he said,
Did you divorce?
The professor says No, I didn't. I'm just
one month staying away from them. And imagine the profit source of living for a whole month maintaining his wife, of course, financially and so on taking care of them knowing what's going on, but not necessarily having any physical interaction with them. After a whole month, 29 days, basically 29 days, a homeowner,
he comes down the first house he goes to was the house.
Can you guess is the most beloved, his house? Home madrasahs away from his wife? How they expect his wife to receive them?
Would you say, Oh, I'm very sorry, I never do that. Again. I beg you Don't do that, again, to me, and so on. That's how a man wants the worst luck to them when they come back. But his wife, when she saw the progress, or some coming after 29 days, she goes was the mother.
Which means if you promise not to come back after the man is over.
I mean, what to expect him to do. He said, like I meant to do them. So okay, so another month, Santa Monica.
He says, well, the man can be like this counting 29 days for the fingers. And then he can be like this.
Which means this man, this little man was 29 minutes. So just keep quiet.
Just like any other normal family life, they have the ups and downs, they have the moments of joy, the moments of happiness, the moments of you know, having fun and entertainment that everything. I mean, how many men today, they go on the race with their wives.
They guys go so public place whenever you can see someone outside or ever start running together and having fun.
While traveling, he will just ask the whole army to go forward and just go go, go go. And he stays behind with his wife. Then you go to see that train that's race, racing with his wife. I mean, when you say, I know, our kind of, you know, we have some kind of, I don't want to call it but we cannot imagine
running with his wife. Why? Because we have this aura around him as a messenger of Allah
is a messenger of Allah running with his wife, my God, I can't even imagine myself, you know, just imagining that. Okay, now he's running with his wife. They're racing, basically, how they imagined
probably out of respect or sort of what we think of this kind of, you know, serious running
while they were racing, which means she was trying to defeat him. She was trying to beat him and he was trying to beat her they were running.
And then the first time I saw the race,
and when she won the race, I can imagine when she turned her face it was almost a running torture. How would she that how would you react to that? Well, I should be laughing at him joking. Say I want I want and so on and so forth. And okay, that's fine. You want this time? Did he get upset another occasion? He said, Okay, let's do that again.
Another journey and she was given her excuse already in the Edit, say Tara Makoto Hamilton. I grew up with older and I can in some ways, so against somebody, which means, you know, you know, what's the result. So he said, that's
what he won that he told her, he said, have a bit of one by one, which means a spy. Meaning, let's try to make the data next time. A lot of I don't have any reports of tiebreaker, but we know for sure that they raised together twice
a month in the that really role model and perfect man, if you guys didn't get a chance to attend the love notes, that seminar on medical relationship, and so on, please make sure to at least have somebody to help you with that.
Please do so it's very beneficial to live the life of the license in your own household.