Channel: Yaser Birjas
The Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says, Yama[???]a Shabbat
is over. My dear young ones, my dear youth, Mostafa mukamal, that the Federal Reserve was whosoever is capable and able of getting married, let them do so. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is encouraging the young ones, to take a very serious initiative here, for a very serious topic. Today, living in the 21st century, whenever we talk about marriage, it seems that people they don't really take it that serious. And when you talk to the youth about marriage, parents in particular, are saying, Are you serious?
Are you going to be talking to my child who's 1516 years old about marriage? Well, we should be talking about marriage. Not necessarily, they're gonna marry next day, or next year. But if they want to get married, they need to talk about the seriousness and the earnestness of this subject.
My son is 11 years old.
Last year SmartPak was this year actually, I was driving him to his current school in the morning, and we had a long talk as much as 15 minutes drive together. And he was asking me these questions. I have no idea where he gets these questions from, but he asked about marriage. What does it mean to be married? Baba, how serious this subject is? What do you what qualifies you to get married, all these kind of things? And I was realized, answering him seriously. And I was respecting his mind respecting his question. And I was given him the answer. That was, of course, he would understand. And at the end of that 15 minutes drive, he tells me, Baba said now because I want to get married.
I mean, I could laugh at him. Because I know this will never happen. I'm not gonna let my son who's 11 years old, get married next year or the year after that. But I will surely give him the answer that will fulfill his young mind right now on young heart, I said, I am with you.
I'll help inshallah Allah. But first of all, you need to finish your school, you need to finish your show education, get a job, have financial stability, and then we'll do that I will help you with our HR together, goes to Sharla I work on it. But then few months later, he goes, I still need to get married.
The subject of marriage is very, very serious. In our time, most of the youth are not taking it seriously, because they have been completely poisoned with what they're watching on TV. They watch TV, the radio, fairy tales, and all those things. And you now start building these these dreams of this wonderful marriage and marital life. And the only models we have, unfortunately, they are just unreal models is a model such as Cinderella, some guy who randomly finds the shoes empty there, he wants to look around the city to fill up the site, find who's gonna whose foot is gonna fit into the shoes, suddenly, Mashallah, that's the one. So she's gonna be his wife, another guy who finds a girl
somewhere in a nest in a bird's nest. And then this, this friends, he brings his father and whole the whole army to bring her down from there sort of just to get married to her, because she was beautiful in his eyes. So we have all these now models, and we start building on them.
But the reality of marriage is different. When we look into the seriousness of the subject, and the statistics, we will see that although the Muslim in the in the general actually community, and this week, Times Magazine, has actually a nice, a very nice article, or basically in issued edition, on the subject of the culture of marriage since the 1980s. Until today, how it shifted and change in the society. I recommend for the parents in particular that you guys, you read it, so that you have an idea on what your kids are actually suffering from what they're going through, when they get mad. It's not easy for them as it was for you. So now,
when you see these models and see the statistic, it's very actually hard for us in the Muslim community not to be affected and influenced by what's going on. I deal a lot with marriage counseling with the youth. And I have seen that marriage among the Muslim youth is getting very, very slow. It's very slow. You find now the young men and women they're married when they're above 25 years old, and shooting stability. And then now it's getting active even beyond that. It's getting even around the 30 years old right now when they get married. Let's go after that. Why from other reasons. I'm not going to go through the reasons right now. But I'm telling it's a very
serious subject. They are delaying the measures sometimes you know forcefully and sometimes willingly, regardless of the reasons once they get married. I unfortunately have seen also very high rates of
Divorce among young ones. They were not educated enough about the subject of marriage before they went to into this journey. They thought both men and women that they can get married on their own. It's easy for them to do that. You know what to discuss the subject of marriage. They define a marriage in different ways. Some of these definitions of marriage, they say, it is this all this this institution, which you can never organize. Why? Because both parties believe they are management.
The husband is the manager, the woman is the manager, can you imagine two managers in one house, they cannot organize them, as they say, actually, perhaps more true. That is the institution in which the man loses his bachelor's degrees, and the woman gains your masters.
She becomes the master of the house after the man loses his bachelor status.
Eventually, the subject of marriage been a joke around among many, many people, but it's a law it's very, very serious subject. Why do people get married anyway? What's the reason
of the rock man's Allah, he began with the innocent citizens of this subject. Because it's reality, we cannot avoid that reality. Men and women, whether we like it or not, young men, young women, boys and girls, they feel naturally attracted to one another. As a matter of fact, if they don't feel attracted to one another, then there is something wrong in them.
Allows Hannah what Allah made is one of his favorites and bounces upon this mankind. For men to be attracted to women and women to be attracted to men, this is a natural thing, we cannot deny that and regardless how much you try to suppress that, it is not you just shouldn't it should have feel that guilt that you have this inclination to the opposite gender. However, what is more important here is that what do you do with this energy? That's what matters in our deal. Is there a room for love in Islam? Absolutely.
Absolutely. There is room for love in Islam. And love is different categories and different grades. And we will see that from the example of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam who showed us this beautiful love story. His wife and his marriage was a lot of love it was around money. But before that Allah subhana wa tada mentioned the subject of love in the Quran in surah, two room, Allah subhanho wa Taala says women as he and kala, kala cumin and Fujifilm as well. And among His Signs is this. A lot of beginners This is among His Signs is this is one of the signs of this creation and Haleakala coming on cusum as wotja that he created for yourself, as well as spouses made for men and
women. And for women, he created men, that's the meaning of it. For what reason because school is so that you might find serenity tranquility with them, peace with them. wacha, Albania, kumada Tawana and he placed mawatha which means love and passion, what are Hama which means mercy and compassion between your hearts in a three datacolor area there and these things you will find is signs merkos likoma for karoun for those who reflect so lots of canon without amid among these signs that men and women they get attracted to one another naturally. And if it is something Allah subhanaw taala praised in the Quran, how can we come after that and say it is haram. As a matter of fact, even our,
our great scholars of Islam, they said you cannot say haram to love, because something is going to happen naturally. You don't have you don't control the heart. It's in the hands of Allah subhana wa Tada. But what you can really say is haram, or halal is the actions you take upon this energy. If you know your inclines towards this individual, and you see that you have this attraction to her, or this sexuality to him, for example, in this case, you go in the right way of observing the fulfillment of this energy. And that is where marriage comes in.
For the guys are about 1516 years old, falling in love with a girl who's 15 to 16 years old, younger or older, and they want to get married. Now I know all their models and views that they have basically taken about the subject comes from the stories they read from the movies that they watch. So therefore the thing 100 in love with a loved one I get married. Yeah, but when you talk about this, you know seriously and put things together. It doesn't add up. How can a 15 years old guy 15 year old girl get married in this society when adults older with higher degrees can barely make it in this life. So there is more than just me in love with her or me in love with him. To the subject
of marriage is much more complex than this. There's seminary
Why people they get married.
Number one, when people get married, they would like to express the highest level of love for one another. You know, when you deal with other people, specifically for the sisters and the guys, when they are not yet married, you, they have a tendency of start volunteering. They would like to volunteer in the masjid, under school, for some organizations and so on. Why until they get married. Meanwhile, I would share these emotions with people around me. But there's only so much you can share with these people because you're not you don't have any commitment with them until you get married. So once you get married, that's when you see the couples for the first few weeks of their
engagement period. Suddenly, they got very mushy.
The guy you asked about and he just disappeared, you talk to him, his eyes always look in the sky. What's wrong with you? He just fell in love. And as you put yourself together, what's wrong with you? What's the same thing with the girl every time you talk to her she always think about you know this guy, because he just proposed to her. And for men and women for the girls in particular. This is the day they always look for when this guy comes, as they have seen it on TV. So much kneels down on one knee grabbing this gold, this actual diamonds in his hands? And would you marry me. And reality doesn't happen like this, by the way, just to let you know, in most cases, but for the guy
is the same thing. That's when they start now getting actually serious into the subject. The second reason why people they get married to fulfill that commitment. You love her, you love him. And I know that I would like to spend my life with him. Now we need to show commitment. In many cases, in many cases, women, they show commitment more than men in the relationship. And that's why for the ladies, you'll be aware of the player, you'll be aware of the players, if someone claims to you that I love you so much. And you tell them, okay, so let's get married. And it goes, are you serious about this.
That means he's having a second thought. Or maybe he's not ready, or maybe is not serious about it. And for the guys, they would like to prolong this kind of
out of basically a medical issue. They can extend as long as possible just to enjoy
it. So they can experiment. They want to see things they want to see how things go on and so on. For the ladies, they don't want to prolong that, what they want, they want to prolong the commitment of love. And for them a serious person is the one when he thinks that he's ready for it, they will come and propose and move on forward. People they get married for a very obvious reason to fulfill the intimacy, the sexual desire in a halal or haram manner. As a matter of fact, this has been one of the top reasons the LMA with dementia books, which are last time it held on to them in a specific way. And that is only when you get when they get married. We talked about the subject of going into
the internet, watching pornography doing all these things, and so forth. And even sometimes after marriage, people that have these problems, and it breaks them their hearts and breaks their marriages. There's this brother who one time came to me. And he asked me he says he's not married yet. He's young man. He's not married yet. And he's been looking for so long. He's been looking for so long. And I've been tried to help. But I wasn't successful with him, said he asked me He says, tell me tell me the truth. How much beauty how much beauty should play in your choices when it comes to marriage?
So I gave him my answer. I said my first advice to you stop watching TV. He looks at me like this. He goes
How do you know that? I said, because I know.
From what you're telling me, you have bombarded your mind and your eyes and your heart with all these images, fake images, even the actresses, even whatever, wherever they are on TV, they don't look like this in real life. They themselves would wish that they look like they appear on TV.
But they're not real. And therefore stop watching TV. Stop watching the Internet, and then be real and genuine to yourself. Only then you will see how life is different. And I will tell the sister the same thing. If your models and your role models, you take it in from TV and from these roles for fairy tales. Eventually, that's how your religion is going to go on. So I said to them, if you stop doing that you will be fulfilled because his concern was he said I'm afraid if I get to my family, someone who was not going to be pleasing to Me, by sight basically that I'm not going to be fulfilled. So I might go back to the Harmon again. said well, this is the problem this is your
problem. Because it just released in your sight everywhere and you're not letting go the shape actually lottery your heart safe from all these attacks of the Chopin. Next why people they get married. People they would like to get married for companionship. You know they would like to have someone who can with whom they can share meals together. They can share
Concerns even sometimes I remember him Allah, Allah says that sometimes the the crying of his baby, the crying of his child, he says it's more rewarding than anything else that he would do. Why? Because when he hears his child cries, he becomes more compassionate, becoming more compassionate that now does produce this energy that would make him go out and work hard to earn for his family and satisfy them. And once he sees their smiles on their faces, it is so much rewarding people they would like to have this companionship with a spouse, and also children in their lives. See, there are similar reasons why people they want to get married. And I would like to share with you some of
now the kind of loving relationship the prophet SAW some had in this companionship with his wife. He married a lot. It was Elementary in many ways. And I'm not going to go through why he might have more than one wife right now. But just to let you know, now, when the price anyone specifically men, if anyone complains that I cannot really have all these beautiful emotions and sort of my relationship says, Who are you to say that if Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam had more than nine households to take care of with and he had the opportunity and the time to enjoy life with his spouses, who are you to say, I cannot do that. In our Deen. It is not recommended for men or even
women to live a celibate life.
by choice, by force of a different story, let's say a sister who says it never happened. No one ever can propose whatever proposals came, I wasn't satisfied with us keep dodging it away from me and then eventually end up not getting married. Sometimes the guys have the same problem. They keep you know, pushing these proposals away, until becomes too late for them to get married. Sometimes by force, that's a different story, but to be celebrated by choice, that's not the son of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. So we are encouraged to get married. As a matter of fact, we are encouraged to fall in love with the one that you would like to get married to, and what the one whom you're
already married to. How would you do that? That's an art. It's a whole different topic. And so it's an art that you need to learn how to maintain that love in America relationship. Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
In his family life.
He was a man of his house, and Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam. He was in charge, basically, of the household. And his wives respected him for that Salatu was Salam money. However, that didn't mean didn't mean that he was a tyrant is not the type of person when he comes into the house, suddenly the house becomes harsh. As Rasulullah comes in, people, they still enjoy this smile. They laugh with him salotto Samadhi. In many cases, many women they complained to me said whenever the husband comes home, the kids dinner just because they get terrified to freak out. Is that his home? That means basically it's getting dangerous. Stay away from all these things, keep quiet and so on. Why
is that? When Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam. He was very playful in his house of Allah Hollywood Silla. I showed you a lot of that on her. She reported Rasulullah sallallahu. When he travels with her when they go traveling, sometimes he would just send the army to go the caravan to go forward. And he will tell Isaiah, let's race. Can you guys imagine a sort of lion sauce I'm wrestling with?
How does that look like? I'm sure now we cannot even imagine. We don't want to even imagine it. Why? Because it was sort of like running next to hija. It just doesn't. I don't know. I just don't want to even go there. Why not? And if a professor Sam was wrestling with it, I don't think that he was just, you know, jogging. He was racing to win the race. And I was running next to him. And one time The first time I she won the race. And I'm sure when she won the race you were looking at her sutala so as I'm going after her laughing at him perhaps next time the professor symptoms I shall Let's race and she gave her exclusive when I got a little bit older, I gained some weight. Then also law
says that's race. She's given her answers to those already. Then she said he won the race and the proper turn around. He says has he been tilled one by one which means they will be they should be another tiebreaker. We have no reports of tiebreaker former Sorolla has a similar Ayesha, but we know that they were playful together Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam he had something that you today call it food fights. And I'm sure now people they would say food fight who do Billa you know we just were talking about Pakistan and people they're just starving. And so when you're talking about food fight, I'm not talking about throwing biriyani dishes and glucose things and some something that is
reasonable. It happened in the household of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam was when I showed the allowance, Ilana and soda so there was an older woman. So they were I she brought a dish a plate called Habiba. And now, so they didn't like the food. So we when they start eating, or Sorolla was eating, I was eating and so there was just watching. So I show who cooked the food. She looks at soda. She's not
Her food now. She says Why aren't you eating? She goes I don't like it.
Then I she tells the Quran Allah subhana wa chaki whether you eat otherwise I'm gonna speed your face with it. And then soda she basically has it she's telling her you don't there. So she grabbed some and shoosmiths sodas face with it. Rasulo Rasulullah in the in between and he had his knee basically blocking the way to soda. So he puts his leg down and he's the gesture to soda with her head with his head. So the law celebrities eyes, me is retaliate. So, so I grabbed some and she smears Ayesha's face and they were all laughing. Now of course it's not finished the food like this, but the point is that they were playful together. Even rasulillah is so awesome had this time to
enjoy this love with his wife Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah is still alive. He was alone. He would love to spend time with his spouses so much time as you said the professor said and he always loved eating with her. It's not like it's the by himself you know husband comes in. By the time the you know, he asked about the first thing he asked about is the food. Is the food ready?
And she says yeah, Sharla is gonna be ready. Do you want to eat first we'll make Salah because now I'm going to make solid quickly and then come to eat. Although supposed to be the opposite, right? You should go and eat quickly as you enjoy your Salah. No, we're going to go and just you know, just get over with Salah so I can enjoy my food. And now the prophets of Allah, Sarah Masha, she said the profits of the water was lmra. Sometimes he would watch her. He would watch her drinking from the cup. And then he asked for that cup back. He grabs the cup from her hand, and he turns it around to where she puts she was putting her lips on and he put his lips on the same spot. And rainbow mud
wash is watching. This is this loving, loving moment between a husband and wife. How can you say Islam doesn't believe in that? You know the issue even of the welcome case and the good bike is from Allah wannabes, a lot of them as he said, cannot sell Allah said whenever he comes in, when the professor Ceylon, he comes into the house, the first thing he does, he would brush his teeth, making sure this miswak that he smells nice. And he comes to his wife and he kisses her. That's a welcome kiss. And when he leaves I she reported she said Kira sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. ucop below bada Hua Ji wawasan Allah, she said the prophets Allah says he used to kiss some of his wives when he's
fasting. And then he goes to the Salah, even while fasting. What could What do you call this kiss when you're fasting? It's not lust. It's love. So the problem with this would do that, and he will leave. I should whenever she reported the story, she would giggle and laugh. You know why?
Why is that? She says, we used to kill some of his wives. And then he would go to the salon, and she loves.
What could that be for?
Because she was talking about herself.
She was certain that he was he do that with me? Even some of the Sahaba some of the hava, they asked another wife of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam Xena. She said did Rasulullah Hassan ever kissed his wife when he was fasting? So they would say no, he never did that. But then they will be told but he said that he did. Then Then he would say maybe with her.
Which means he would perhaps do that whatever now what may never happen. Eventually the Prophet says and he had that love and love moments in his life. So the bottom line was that the last point I would like to mention here that the purpose of the lesson was a very good listener.
If women hate anything about men that don't listen to them, ask marriage actually couples what is number one crisis women they suffer from, you know, in the house is the man doesn't listen, sisters, how many times you told your husband get this with you on your way back? Bring this from the Walmart. And then you have your husband keep going, what do you say you want
and then he's standing in front of the shelf. Okay, which one is the blue or the yellow one? I will eventually say to you don't listen. And even if somehow even sometimes you tight you write it down for them. And then they forget what they put it.
Eventually women they complain so much. And sometimes the husband they complain the same thing too. But most complaints men they have against women is that women talk too much.
No wonder woman they say men don't listen.
Eventually, a woman she told us a man told his wife he said you know what? You don't listen to me. You don't obey me. He basically said you don't listen to me. And you have these ears for no reason. But to hang your earrings on them
and return the wife she said at least I have something to use them for you have them for decoration only.
So they always ask about the subject of listening and Rasulullah his civilization was the best listener of all. I shall be allowed to carry for the long haul
I'm not going to mention it here is called height on missoura, describing the kind of husbands women could have in their lives. And then he brought 10 examples from the big three dating Islam era, about his husband, women describing their husbands. And as the end, the prophet SAW some was actually listening in the store. The problem was listening to her on the alert. And while she was mentioning that story, even though perhaps he heard that story before she was born, but he was just paying attention to her listening to her. It's not like our men today, the women talk and they play on the computer, okay, I'm listening. What else are fixing the car, do whatever they do, you just
want to distract themselves. Here's Rasulullah his total loss of listening to this whole story which if you read the Hadith in the Arabic language, you will be taking you take you perhaps maybe five minutes going over the Hadith. So that's the Prophet system is listening for five minutes with no interruption. And at the end, he gave her a very good feedback.
It's not just he listened. He says, Okay, fine. hamdullah we're done God, no, he said, We're an electric Ibiza loser. I will shall be to you like I was the best of all the husband she mentioned. Like he was his wife, for mazara Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was the example for all of us in this regard. and his wife were also shown to us the example of how to treat their husbands how to have this loving relationship. So Islam do believe in that, why then we have all this crisis in our communities in the Muslim community. It's not because Islam doesn't believe in emotions, doesn't believe in love. No, it's not that way. It's not that the Western culture has more actually love and
romance and song than any other culture. It doesn't have to do with Islam or, or other cultures. It's how men and women themselves perceive the subject of marriage itself, how ready they are for it. If you guys are young, don't think that you shouldn't be getting ready for it from today. I know that most of the young ones they they learn from patterns, for example. So they see the husband and wife, their mother and their father how they treat each other. And guess what, my dear sisters, if you want your children to be successful spouses, you need to show them that model. And my dear brothers, if you would like to show if we would like your children to be successful in their
marriages in the future, you need to show them this model. And this example is the way you treat their mothers. Their mother is your wife and that's what they can going to carry with them when they go and they get married but handle a lot of blood Musa libido Mohammed Eduardo Sahil, Sana