Why Family is Important?
Channel: Yahya Ibrahim
File Size: 31.86MB
Solomonic Murat Allahu wa barakatu we're going to be going live shortly in sha Allah.
We're just waiting for our brothers at Tableau College in Melbourne.
To be able to join us in live in sha Allah give me a few minutes in chat
if you can, let us know where you're watching from Are you watching from Toronto from Canada from America? Where are you listening from inshallah.
Shares mismatch and Mr. Coleman Sharma.
Here in sha Allah.
I'll put myself on mute until then in sha Allah.
Masha Allah said I'm on yquem everyone in sha Allah, we're going to be starting, why family is important. This is a talk dedicated to our brothers and sisters in Melbourne, in particular at Temple College in Melbourne.
As part of our commitment, Mashallah to assisting one another in these difficult times where COVID is an issue that has locked them out of the masajid so before senator Juma hearing from my office, beginning this discussion in sha Allah, I hope that you will follow along or listen to a little bit of Quran until we begin the evening.
so people watching online on my Facebook page on my YouTube page dude, let us know where you're watching from I can see your comments coming through now in sha Allah. And I pray that Allah subhana wa to Allah joins us always together in happiness and in higher May Allah Subhana Allah greenshoe facility and ease Mashallah we got people from Singapore, South Florida. We got people from Manhattan, Marcia, lots of our copper wire man. We have people from New Zealand much lighter rock Allah. And this is as we said, dedicated to our brothers and sisters in Melbourne who are a couple of hours ahead of me here in Perth. And then after finishing up here I've got a couple of meetings
and then we'll head out for Sultana Juma here in Perth, which I'll also stream in sha Allah later on in the afternoon a couple of hours from now. Give us a couple of minutes where other people from Melbourne join in the evening.
Alright, looks like we're ready to begin soon.
Someone asked if he was studying.
While he was
hungry, dear brothers and sisters in the community. We are fortunate to have us once again for this Yamato May Allah reward you for visiting us and getting us to benefit from your knowledge and advice, especially in such testing days that we need some.
We need lots of reminders and reminders to give us patience and to lift and boost our
love, isn't it?
No, just starting, I will be giving like a very
just not having
any answer like a boy or boy your boy should be
faced with an SSD good for those who were not here last time is a brick based international speaker and director of Islamic community service. Emmanuel is also Curtin University and unit
St. Augustine Australia's Muslim chaplain sits on the human research ethics committee at Charles hospital for Western Australian health services in Birmingham is also an instructor and another Institute definitely has initiatives in Australia and internationally for members diversity training, cultural sensitivity programs, revision lectures and media presentations. We'll be talking a lot about Harvey shala
you will start with the whole module on why he better clean off.
Salam Alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah sallallahu alayhi wa ala early wasabi whistle limiter Sleeman kathira Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barik ala se et now hubby we know Nabina Muhammad infil Alina will earn him also he was a limousine with Eric Allah say Aegina Habibi been on whenever you know Mohammed Imperium Allah Allah Allah or hammer well I mean, Allah my limb Namah Johanna mineral Quran and alvine with the kidney I mean whom and who seen an alarm for Luna the novena kV rehab was severely higher our hammer raha mean, Allah him How would it not be automatic a hammer I mean, always we begin with a praise of Allah we send our
prayers of peace upon our w Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
We testify with firmness and conviction that none is worthy of worship but Allah, that I want to be a sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is his worshiping slave and final messenger. I continue to consistently and consciously remind myself and you will realize that when I pray that Allah Subhana Allah makes it one that is of great profit to us in our awareness and consciousness of Allah in our privacy and private life, much more so than we seek to show each other publicly Allah Ameen. Once again I'm honored to be with my dear brothers and sisters, with a Tuckwell College in Melbourne, Melbourne community, may Allah Subhana Allah grant you ease and facility and facilitate for you and
exit from all difficulties. Allahumma Ameen. May Allah subhanho wa Taala assist our young students to attain their goals academically and spiritually. May Allah Subhana Allah assist the teachers and the management and the administrators of a double College and the Islamic institutions around the country to lead their communities into that which is pleasing to Allah, that Allah guides them away from that which is displeasing to him, Allah I mean, may Allah subhana wa Dallas and light into our homes and into your hearts and into our families. May Allah subhanho wa Taala make us a support for each other even though we were a distance from each other alone. I mean,
today in sha Allah, the topic that I have with you is reasons why family is important. And Subhana Allah I want this to be a discussion that is both therapeutic, but also spiritual. So I want it to be something that's not just you know, Paul, Allah who Allah Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, but to provide mechanisms and means for us to increase the quality of life that we have with each other, especially in moments when we are in direct contact with each other. And we are rubbing each other Subhan Allah at times the wrong way. And one of the dramatic effects of course of the lockdown, may Allah Subhana Allah grant ease and a way out of it is that Subhana Allah those who are
not normally in front of each other consistently with each other, rubbing against each other, they find themselves in that moment where they are ill prepared to come to confront this reality. And I wanted Chatelet to begin first by speaking about family. Allah Subhana. Allah says to us in the Quran, women Jana minerals hooghly enlever Jana who has word you want to read, there is an A messenger except that I made for them that they had a family that had spouses they had children even as it is Salaam, the property silences in authentic hadith, yet so what do you mean come, he said will marry from the home of the prophets I seldom, he had been raised and elevated by Allah before
marriage, but he will be married before the end of his life. So families are important and it's important to know that everybody is born into some type of family. But not everyone is given a healthy one. And so Pamela This is the circumstances of life, Mohammed sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he was born into a family that was different to his cousins. So for example, I live on the Allahu anhu. He did not have the same kind of construction in his family that the Prophet did. The Prophet was born his father had passed away. On the return trip from visiting her maternal uncle's Amina Amina, the mother of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam died on the journey back imagine being
isolated in the desert, and your mother passes away and your father has already returned and being distant from you. So panela so the construction of a family is not always one that we wanted or in the way that we wanted or in the way that we see it with others and
His own cousins were taught to learn to read and write the cousins of the prophets I send them they were literate, but he wasn't we know that he was me or the Allah subhanaw taala it was certainly more of the Allah who I knew him. Why is that because this is the natural way of life that although his uncle's loved him, although his uncle's would protect them and feed them and clothe them and look after him, they wouldn't give them exactly the same as they would give their own children.
So Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam says, Allah says about him LMU aged care team and for our that the protection therefore is always returned back to Allah. So there are different kinds of families, there is no ideal family. There isn't one type of family we say this is the right type of family. In fact, when you look in Nepal, and every single type of family that you and I could envision, could think about is found in the Quran. There is a happy husband and wife in the example of Ibrahim and Zahra Ibrahim in her job, there is an unhappy husband and wife in the example of a happy husband new hallelujah Salaam, a worshipper of Allah and an unbelieving wife, his wife, Lana Hama, there is the
righteous woman and an a tyrannical despot of a husband asiya, the wife of fit Island, there is the example of two brothers who cooperating good in that example of Moosa and Harun. Then there is an example of brothers who cooperate in evil against one of the righteous brothers, Yusuf Ali has set up. There's the example of a single father who raises up his children. Well, in the example of North Lutheran SLM, there's an example of a righteous son under a terrible set of parents in the example of the Brahim and his father as
there is an example of a single mother raising her child to the best of her ability traveling from place to place to protect him. He said, Alia Salaam, the mother, the son of Medina, and look at the honor of money Amalia, salaam, Allah subhanho wa Taala describes the ISA his cornea, he said no, Miriam, right? He said, No, Miriam. It's not just Isa Rasulullah is of no money and as an honor to his mother, you find, of course, the the loss of a child due to war torn regimes in musante salaam being thrown into the river by his mother. And the only hope she has is that Allah will save him father now who he let me hear kitakata I know whether that all of these exams and all any profit of
messenger you find a good father with a righteous son in the example of their wound until a man you find the example of a good father with a terrible son in the example of nor whose son disbelieves I'm a lot in drowns. You find all of these different examples in the poor. And to show you that families are not one the prophets did not just have one type of family, Allium was Salaam, all of these families can be healthy, and many of these families can have moments of unhealthiness. So how do we begin to process the importance of our family, and inshallah maybe in future days, if Allah gives us the life and the energy, we can talk about how to construct, in whatever type of family
we're in, we can construct a better family relationship with each other. The first thing that's important is to recognize that our families set this stage for future relationships. I always say to my students, I want you to learn how to argue with your parents correctly. One of the things that I like to teach my students here in my school is how to debate and to argue correctly without dishonouring without raising your voice, without, without being disrespectful without speaking when it's not your turn, without being a person whose face has changed and anger has shown and you you can control your amount now. Why? Because if you don't learn how to engage in moments of conflict
with your own family, how do you expect to do it with your future family, with your husband, with your wife with your future children, if you don't learn how to problem solve and have conflict and resolve the conflict in a way that's healthy in a way that is the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, then your future relationships will be compromised because you have not taken the learning stages in your family seriously. Number two during challenging times, and this is very central to what I'm sure all of you are facing May Allah make it easy for you during challenging times family are the ones in general that you can rely on. There is this false propaganda that's
pushed out to us especially our young children, especially you my young brother, my young sister, that you are made to believe that parents don't understand they don't love you as much as your friends pair a you know, my friends are the ones who trust me who believe me who accept me for who I am, my friends, my friends, my friends, and the reality of course is that friends will come and go but family or nuclear you know that
The word nuclear family, it's the very inner nucleus of the atom that, that everything kind of centers around the healthy family that is meant to be. And it's something that's important for us to note that as life gets hard, people need support. And this can be emotional, financial, it can be spiritual support, all of these different types of support, the best place that you will find it is within this family structure. And if you look outside it without including the family, you set yourself on a path that is contrary and away from the Sunnah of the prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, even when it's difficult, even when you're at odds with your mother, even when
you're upset with your father, even when they have treated you unfairly, even they would give their life for you Subhana Allah, they would change that the sky to make it Earth just so that you have something to walk on, if it is possible. This is the normality of families. And of course, there are, as we said, toxic really, and other things that we will we can address in a later discussion. But in general, families and this is from a psychological perspective, are the ones that are the foundation of relying upon to be relied upon in moments of strife and difficulty. Number three families can be an essential source of affection and encouragement when we're lacking it in other
places. So when you are seeking affection, the most important place to seek it are with those who you are familiar with and familiar with, look at the word familiar. Where does it come from, it's from that same word that means family, right? familial and familiar with each other. When you find when you seek affection outside the family, you put yourself a compromise and you put yourself at risk of being manipulated, and SubhanAllah. A lot of the tragedies that happened with the lowering of the sexual ethics that Muslims have, with lowering the standards that we maintain, with forgetting our Islamic culture, I was slamming behaviors, our attitudes towards right and wrong
halal and haram. Part of the reason is because somebody wants to feel love, somebody wants to feel appreciated. And instead of finding it or seeking it or receiving it in the different ways that is provided by the family, they step outside, and they seek to find it with friends or acquaintances, or online or in other places. And that will never be in the long term healthy. It is one of the lead leading causes for people to find themselves lonely, and depressed and hopeless. And that's why when you read a lot of research studies about online platforms, you know, Instagram, why did they take off that like button that tells you how many people liked it, because they saw people were trying to
gain affection to do crazy things just to what people will like them and look at the word look at the marketing of it liking. Right? You know, I need that affirmation. Why get why is there no Dislike button, because the dislike button on things like Instagram are things that people will use abusively, and it's healthy at times that somebody tells you I dislike what you're doing. Only family kind of tell you that people who are truly invested in you are the one who kind of tried to pull you back and with your family behind you, a person can eventually find the motivation and the courage to succeed, had they not been pushed by their family in that way they would not have
attained that success had there not been that person who is challenging them. And at times, it may not be in the best way. But there was somebody who is driving them towards success, and not just accepting mediocrity, and now everything will be okay, and I'm your friend, it doesn't matter if you fail or succeed. That is not what a family provide. Number four, another really powerful understanding of why family is important is that it's it gives us a sense of belonging, there's always something that I can find somewhere that I belong, and to panela. And this is why Allah tells us in the Quran, or the room, the other team, if a child has been adopted, they should know who
their paternal Father, you know, their actual father, their actual family is because it gives you a sense of power. And in Australia Subhanallah with the last generations, you know, they were these young children. I'm sure you're studying the young people in your history lessons. They were taken as Aboriginals from their own people taken out of their own culture given to people who did not have their best interests in mind. And they were raised up as a generation that were lost to their community and lost their sense of belonging. They didn't know who they were. And when you don't know who you are, it makes it difficult for you to plan on who you want to be and what foundation I come
from and what routes I am irrigating my strength from so families foster are meant to foster a sense of belonging, a sense of honor
And therefore you find that in our tradition, there is nothing wrong with attributing oneself to their tribe, to their people to their country to their homeland, right, there was a man and fantasy that was his belonging, there was so high a Rumi, there was beloved and habashi, right, and there is an El quraishi, or the Allah and the Sahaba. Edge remain.
Number five people raised in close families. Now this is science, right? People raised in close families develop healthier relationships for the rest of their life. So if you're close with your brothers and sisters close with your father and mother close with your grandparents or people who are older than you, if you've learned to live in a closed environment, and be able to be comfortable with each other and know when to ignore a bad comment that was directed towards you know how to schedule your day, so you don't inconvenience or are inconvenienced by others, when you learn to have emotional empathy, because they're your family, when you come from a close family. And it's a
struggle. So Pamela, it makes you better in your relationships in the future. One of the things that allowed me a lot allow it is every year myself, my wife and my children, we will travel to a different part of the world. It's the first time I stayed in Australia in the summer in over 20 years was last summer due to COVID. Every other year, we've been somewhere else. And we rent a car, you know, the last trip in 20, end of 2019. And February, in January and January, we had rented a car, and we drove through Spain drove through Spain and Morocco. And, and just yeah, it gets annoying sometimes and don't touch me and you're too close, and you're on my side. And I don't want
to eat this and all that, you know, but that is what builds health and relationship, learning how to exist through the difficulty. So so panela as difficult as you might find it today being cramped in an apartment or in your house and unable to go, this is actually a great Nima from Allah Subhana. Allah, that if you take it with that positive light, if you open your heart and say, this is something that's going to help me down the road, this is going to make my children better husbands better wives better, better parents in the future, because they will learn how to balance life out with others, you will find that this will be of great success. In the future, I'll maybe offer two
other points about the importance of family. And then we'll look at the student of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. family relationships are also linked good, strong family relationships are linked without a doubt, to healthy mental health. Right? When you read a little bit more about mental health and what deteriorates mental health, it's usually related to things that are complex. So all of us, we have a weak point. So think of yourself like this bubble, this balloon. And if you blow in the balloon, the balloon expands. Where does the balloon pop, there's usually if you put, you know, a little weak point there, that's where the balloon pops, it tears in one place, it
doesn't tear everywhere. So all of us were like this balloon. And as things get added, as the pressure increases, where we are in our weakest where we are going to rub again, something that eventually blows us out, is that thing that, uh, you know, harms our mental health. So each and every one of us is capable of finding a difficult moment to deal with. And so pound Allah when you're overwhelmed with so many things, when there's debt, and now I've you know, my work is not secure. And now I'm with my children, and now they're home. And now, you know, all of these kinds of things come together, you must now begin to look towards
building a stronger resilience that allows you to deal with complexity. What eventually pops that balloon is that a person gives up hope and that's why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam always spoke about an MLM or Raja Raja warehouse no vernee Billa to all we think about Allah in the most positive light in the most building of happiness into your future. And therefore, you hear the out of the Eustace Al Asad, inasmuch as sadness, the happiest people are the ones who bring happiness to others. SubhanAllah yesterday and today, we are in the days of Ashura and Subhana Allah, there's the statement of the Sahaba it's not a statement of the prophets, I send them that the one who increases
their spending upon their family, the one who treats their family and who is generous to them in the day of I showed up a lot increases for them for the rest of the year, their risk, right. So panela in these days be you know, generous upon your family hoping for happiness abraca sadhaka in Kappa Miranda alley, the most the southern part that brings the best return and the greatest reward is where a person spends on their family, right? So when you are with your family, do the things
That will bring happiness to each other because that releases the pressure of the balloon. And that is what protects our mental health. There have been many studies on the importance of family time, specifically dinner time, many, many studies about
eating with each other. And I'm going to end it and you know, speak about all of these things from the student of the Prophet Mohammed Dyson, that when families eat together, when people sit together, when people share and break bread together, this releases the other points of tension that were found in other moments in their day, other moments in their life, that gives them something
of a sense of well being. And there is a direct correlation between the amount of time you spend together, not in the same place, but together doing things collaboratively, and the time of a young person developing a strong well being and a strong mental state that build resilience to face the adversities that await for them in life. And you can see these studies in the Journal of pediatrics and so many other places. One study in particular discovered that the families and the children who ate with their families regularly were less likely to be to show signs of depression and attention deficit disorders. On the other spectrum. There was also studies that show in the in the journal
Pediatrics, that when families did not eat together and did not spend time together, that this triggered worsening state of mental health. May Allah subhanahu Allah protect us all right, there's so much more to be said. But due to time, let us turn to the sooner the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam we can listen to these guidelines of the Rasul the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he says,
either for him, for him or her, when you come to enjoy food, enjoy it with your spouse, meaning enjoy it with your family Subhan Allah either time for Aveda, meaning that this was a general rule of the prophets I seldom in fact in the whole Sierra and life story of the prophets I send them not once is it known that he ate without a member of his family, even when he was with a Sahaba he would send some food home or he would include a shot or hutzpah or knock on through his daughter or fall tema or somebody was there with him to enjoy it. Never did he eat on his own some Allah we send them without their permission. Number two, the prophets I send them he says, evict us out when you buy
your kids when you buy new clothes fix to her, you know, get her something, get your wife something get your children something and it's not about the worth of it. I know some of the brother like shaking their head Yes, yeah, you're gonna get us in trouble here man. You're here Hey, come on. Be gentle. But Subhana Allah what the prophets I send them is saying is your wife needs to know you're thinking about her. So you went out and you went shopping and you were gone. You know, may Allah open the path or your online shopping for two three hours. You're buying yourself things you're trying this on looking at this and wonder and you didn't even give me a toothbrush Shafi you
couldn't even buy me a pack of gum, Yanni Oh, that no thought came in your mind about your son, your daughter your mind. Nothing about your mother about your father nobody just you this is in the way of the Prophet Mohammed Salah lies and Robert is lm also says what a Julie's happy marriage listen for tomorrow the Allahu Allah one of the things we know about the daughter of the prophet Isaiah, never was he sitting in a place and she entered into that area. In the car. I mean McKenna he stood up from his place where Julissa Allah we said that he Alfie mechanic, he let her sit where he was sitting so Lola and he was telling him he would give her his pit and give her his pillow to lie.
Because sitting together enjoying each other's company, I show the Allahu Anna, she says when she was asked, What are the things you miss most about muscle loss, I tell them she said I missed most that when he would sit next to me cannot he would put his fingers and suffer our Swabia will be asaba he would stick his fingers in my fingers. He would hold my hand salon I sell them. This is the thing she miss most about the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam after his departure Allahumma salli ala nabina Muhammad, while early was like we were selling the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was also one who is generous in his words of praise and his words of love. So the prophets I
send them would regularly call her a shot Yeah, I wish my life
Isha comes from the word Manisha. Right which means life, a life and a good life. So when he says yeah, it means you are the reason of my good life, some Allah and he would send them what are the Allahu momineen one as well get hit by a rotten
IR hammer. I mean, so speaking words of love is you know, very, very important, even if it is just to be heard, like, you know, it should be a part of the reflex within your homes within your communities within our relationships, that love and affection and sharing tender words is the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam if smiling to a stranger
Is asuna what therefore is smiling in the face of your spouse? What would that be? So Han Allah, right? Remember this has alley it says terminal Voodoo, then it is the most of things that are most worthy of being obligatory. May Allah Subhana Allah grant us that they'll feel an insight.
To be generous with your word, be generous and I love you be generous in your care and concern and listening to each other communication. The prophets of Allah is Allah would even communicate with his eyes. I shout out the Allah who I know she's sitting next to the prophets. I send them a lady walks by Julian, an old lady, a renegade an unbeliever, she walks in front of the message, I send him an hf seven but he curses I Isha, she swore with vulgar words that the wife of the prophets I send them in his presence. And I said, you know, she's ready to respond. I'm ready to give it back to her for Nevada to Isla wedgie Navy so I sell them for eight and now we all know but I look to my
husband's face. I saw in his face that he would be upset with me if I responded for circuit I helped myself even though I have the right I was quiet because I could see I could read him I could understand him. I could understand him we could could we communicate even the words just the look of the eye? So I was quiet. Then she came back this old woman that habit did i do is what it was a bet he cursed me again.
For Nevada to eat I saw in his face he would be up at first circuit the third time for another two fee wedgie. Right. And now who layers above that. He was like Okay, it's time 33 strikes you're out from Posada. He says I supported myself I defended myself I took what was right. I fat I said to her what needed to be said for that habit when I'm down she left never came back. That was it. Right? But that the shade is that the communication even when it's difficult. The prophets I send him would even say to his wife when he knew that she was upset with him and he would say who could be upset with the Messenger of Allah it's husband and wives it's conflict it's normal. It's blessing it's
righteous it's a good thing if you're dealing with in the right way. I he shouted the alarm on her she said the prophets I send them said to me once I know when you're happy with me and when you are not happy with me I'm sure she said you're also like you're gonna love my life How could I not be happy? He said no when you really like into into me, you say what are the Mohammed when you make a vow you say by the Lord of heaven, but when you're you know something you say what a big cabinet Why don't be Brahim by the Lord of Ibrahim but the Lord of the Kava Salalah alayhi wa sallam.
Finally, let me give you a final example because I don't want you to think you know that these are things that are unattainable
you know the Sahaba would would practice these things not just a messenger you don't say all but this is I shouldn't have pets I sell them well there's also you know alien farting or the Allahu Allah you one day or the alarm I knew he returned home a bit early his wife doesn't know he's returned. What kind of stack she was brushing her teeth. And Alia came in quietly she doesn't know he's there he and he's springs out with poetry. Yeah who then rock the twig of the Eric tree k for art How can I see you in this embrace? How can I see you so close to my wife? Logan Tara June and La katell Taka if you are a man I would kill you. Allah panel if you if you if you if you give your
wife this you know just as one word. Pamela changes your whole world changes the whole day. Just about a toothbrush Shafi forget Shakespeare, you know Subhana Allah He said that Sahaba would want to lie to him while he was solar wildermuth asleep. May Allah subhanaw taala put peace and love in our homes. I look forward to maybe another time at some other occasion where we can speak about, you know effective tools for constructing healthy environments, constructing happy homes. There's a you know, a two day program that I do about families and relationships, that maybe inshallah we can do something similar to it in the future in sha Allah, Allah Subhana Allah grant to ease and protection
and success to my dear brothers and sisters in you know the blessitt School, a couple of college in Melbourne. May Allah keep you safe and need you to that which is pleasing to Him and protect you from all harm, while suddenly lahoma wa Sallim wa barik ala Sayidina will have even whenever you know Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam from Rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh