How To Overcome Hardship, Mental Health Issues & Doubt and Q&A

Bilal Assad


Channel: Bilal Assad

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The importance of mental health and mental disorders in Islam and psychology is emphasized, along with the need for strong attachment to Islam and family. The importance of forgiveness in helping people manage their mental health is emphasized, along with the need for individuals to have a positive attitude towards mental health and work towards a healthy lifestyle. Understood issues and disorders affect the body, such as ADHD and bipolar disorder, can lead to harming others. forgiveness is an essential part of healthy behavior.

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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. To all my brothers and sisters out there, but they don't become an illness or a disorder, I'm sure to think that their mental illness or disorder in you, unless they have been for a sustained period of time and they negative impact on you. I'm talking about serious, obvious conditions that, you know, you're no longer operating normal in life. You can't sleep for months on end, you can't focus on anything for months and months on end.

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You forget months and months on end, I'm still I'm talking about debilitating things that happened to you. So please, I really wanted to highlight that. Because when we talk about I don't like to talk too much about mental illnesses just in case people start to get paranoid and they start thinking that I am mentally ill, you're not Insha Allah, you're not. It's a very natural normal process. In fact, Allah subhanaw taala tells us about every single one of these conditions in the Quran, he brings us every story of every prophet, if you analyze the stories of the prophets in the Quran very carefully, each prophet went through some challenges and tests of these mental

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challenges, I'm not going to call them mental illnesses, because the prophets didn't become mentally ill, but they had to deal with these conditions. And then Allah brings them to us to show us how to combat them, how to challenge them, and to know that we are not alone, that the ones he loved the most. They were, you know, the, the most, they were the greatest role models and the most who went through every single one of these hardships. Okay. Having said that, brothers and sisters, let me just start off by talking about Islam and psychology or psychiatry, or psychotherapy, you know, all that stuff. We, we normally hear it from the West, we normally hear it from non Muslim was secular

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type of education. And it makes us kind of think that only they know about it, or they're the ones who introduced it, but actually, maybe some of you know, because a university students, especially those who are doing psychology, maybe have looked at the Islamic aspect, and I can tell you this first thing Insha Allah, please memorize this, that the first ever psychiatric ward was in Baghdad, you can look it up in Iraq, in the year 705 C E. That's only about 100 years after the not even 100 years after the Prophet Muhammad SAW Sam's death by a great Imam and scholar of Islam and medicine called Imam Razi. Imam Razi,

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and he was among, as I said, scholar of Islam and physician, and he and it was the first psychiatric hospital in the world. And it was by Islamic scholars and Muslims, I just want you to know that and according to arise this view, mental disorders were considered. I'm actually quoting from a specific book written by Ibn Sina. But anyway, according to a Ross's view, mental disorders were considered medical conditions and were treated by using psychotherapy and drug treatments. This actually started with Muslims and Islam and the place they derived it from was from the Quran and the Sunnah, from prophetic medicine from the Quranic stories and

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approaches. Also

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a very interesting, interesting quote that I found in a book called maternal care and maternal health. This book is written by one of the psychiatrist by the name of John Bowlby. And what he does in that book is that he talks about mother the mother and the baby attachment when when maternity so when mothers give birth, and he studied the attachment of the humans,

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between baby and mother. And this is what he said. He says, We know that having a secure attachment has been linked to the overall well being coping better mental health outcomes, enhanced self esteem and stronger relationship functioning. And guess what he attributed it to the most he says, Thus having a healthy attachment to God. This is literally what I'm quoting. Thus healthy attachment to God would also be linked to better psychological functioning. You know what Allah says in the Quran? Surah Al Israa. He says, What kadaga buka Allah taboo? Illa Yeah, we'll be lonely Dini, Cerner and your Lord has ordered that you worship none other but him and n to acting goodness and good

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treatment to your parents. In fact, be humbled to them. Why did Allah subhanaw taala link the parents to his name? Because it is that it is one of the best ways to heal, anxiety, depression, other mental illnesses or problems that go through the life by having a strong relationship and connection with our Creator.

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and having a strong connection to our parents and family. Because a lot of people who go through mental illnesses, they don't know who they are often, you know, they say the common statements like I don't know who I am, I don't know where I'm going, I don't even know who I am. You know, some of them they say, my life's an accident. I don't know why I'm even here, they forget who they are.

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So an attachment to Allah to Allah knowing it makes you know who you are, and you have a purpose and where you're going, and an attachment to your family, your parents, that also solidifies your identity, you know that you exist, you're somebody you're valued. You're not here by accident.

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And Allah says, obviously, in the Quran, whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then he will suffice him, Okay.

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Moving on.

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Allah said in the Quran, Allah be the killer hit of my Norco loop. Behold, in the remembrance of Allah, the hearts become comforted, you know, this word remembrance. I don't know if a lot of people know what it means. Like we go and get, for example, a book of Doha, and lots of the good things that we see in the day in the night. And we start to say them like a parrot, which is an excellent thing. It's good. When I say parrot, I'm not saying we're like parents, I'm saying that we don't know what we're saying, we just say them and, and they do have have a role. However, the word is thicker, which means you got to remember, you got to remember, when you say something, and don't

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know what it says, it's hard to remember what you don't know what you're saying, You don't know what you're remembering. So the actual zip code, which means to remind you of something, every single words, the process that I'm taught us, what you learned from the Quran, or even you say yourself, try to look up its translation, if you don't know Arabic, and then every time you say it, just memorize a note in your own language, what you're actually saying, because what it does the remembrance number one, it's they're truthful, they're not made up, they're not just means that somebody puts on Facebook or Instagram, you don't know who said it, and whether it's right or wrong.

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This is coming from Allah, the Creator of the human. And when you say those words, you know that they are absolute truth. Number two, it reminds you so you got to have the connection with their meanings with their meanings. Right? And when you have an attachment to their meanings, you are able to remember who you are and why you're here.

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So moving on, mental illness is a sickness.

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And our salsa sallam said, Allah did not send the sickness down without a cure.

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In the past,

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or not in the past. Now, in modern time.

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It's interesting to find that a lot of Muslims attach mental illnesses to the jinn positions, demons, spirits.

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Like even as a teacher, I've seen some we once had a, we brought some people in to talk about mental illness and all that stuff. And I had a few of the students just walk out. And when I asked them, they would say things like, there's no such thing. So this is just Jin's its position itself.

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Well, before I talk about that, I will it'll be interesting for you to know this, that Europeans in the medieval period, they were the ones who were the first to view mental illnesses demon related more than any other civilization in the world. Muslim scholars of that time, including I said his name before Ibn Sina, Ibn Sina in the golden ages of Islam, known in the West as ever sinner, or ever seen the founder of modern medicine. He rejected such a concept and viewed mental disorders as as conditions that were psychologically based.

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However, yes, in Islam, we do have an area that's got to do with the spirituality and spiritual healing, which is called the rope here. And basically we recite verses from the Quran words of the current Doha. And yes, I believe as the Quran says, it says that in Allah the Quran Arabella kumana, Hola, como como datahub autoshow, terminal mas, lo those who consume riba usury will not arise on the Day of Judgment, except like one who has been touched by a gin or shaitan. So some scholars derive this to say, yes, possession is true. And we have ample information, actually, why even Taymiyah great scholars and all that talking about this, but we don't understand the nature of

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possession. You know, people give it their own sort of what they think it is shaytaan actually goes in you and controls you and stuff like that. Now, I used to do that all the time. But I've moved away and started to think, you know, there is something, you know, that's attached to the accordion or the shape line, but most of the cases that we do an OPR on the spiritual healing are actually there's nothing wrong with them. It's most of them. 80% of them, I would say, are more inclined to mental, you know, mental images and mental assumptions and things like that. Would you believe that we had some people who would have problems in their family, let's say divorce is about to happen and

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they know that they're guilty. So some of them try to justify by saying it's a gin it's something like that, to run away from to run away from looking at

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What they need to improve on to pass the buck on net. So really, we have to be honest with ourselves. And I'm going to I'm going to come to that very quickly that helpful hints, they're so important. Let's go now to the eight common mental illnesses, I'm going to run through them quickly, because I would like to talk to everybody in sha Allah. So the first common mental illness and I got this obviously not for me, these are from studies in in medical medical journals and psychiatric psych psychiatric journals. And basically they say that, among the first is anxiety disorders, anxiety, anxiety is literally fearing or having a paranoia or a fear of something in the future.

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That hasn't existed yet. But they have that anxiety. And usually anxiety is because of something in the past that you went through some experiences in the past and you think they're going to happen again. But our minds naturally start to think it's going to be worse, it's going to be worse. And you know, the common statement they say 90% 90% of things that you fear actually doesn't happen. And there's a beautiful statement by great scholars I remember one by

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what's his name that the Egyptian one Laila Hey Lola shadow, we share her shadow with poke something really, really nice. One is doing the opposite of the Quran. He says, you know, I'm just paraphrasing in English, you know, that. Usually when people are fearing something in the

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they go through more torture worrying about in the process for the days and months before it actually happens. And if it does happen, they're actually able to cope with it when it happens easier than the way they were coping when they were just worrying. It's never exactly the same as plan that Allah gives you the coping mechanism. In fact, the Hadith says that there isn't a single hardship that comes down, except that ease many opportunities and ease come with it. He doesn't leave you alone.

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So anxiety we've got in the Quran, for example, as Allah Spanta adults also SLM says, if something you are afraid of, and you are worried about something of the past is going to happen again, don't use the word if if only I had done this, this would have happened last Allah Salam said, be aware of the word if you there are logical ifs, but there are also fantasy ifs and there are anxiety ifs. Logical ifs is when you're literally learning from an experiment in the past. And it's very logical that if I had done this next time, I'll do it this way that's actually healthy. But the IFS we're talking about is hypothetical ifs that no you're not sure if you had done this maybe this wouldn't

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happen. Have you done that? Maybe know that injury wouldn't happen over we also said I've said these things have been decided they're done you can learn from them. But don't say if because you don't know that and the F is from the show time. Instead he said say cod, not Allah Masha. Allah has decreed and what He wills he does and leave it at that. Don't try to understand the cover any further than that it is beyond our imagination beyond our knowledge, you'd have to know everything about everything from the absolute eternal beginning to the absolute eternal and there is no eternal beginning internal end and everything that's happening right now but every single thing from the

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atom to the to the end of the universe to understand and have that wisdom to know whether it's impossible.

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Anyway, Allah Subhana Allah says I am the way you assume with me so assume well and be positive to for Allah will hire you keep being positive as much as you can be around positive people. I'll give you some hints later, I'll move on to depression. That's the second one you get low moods problem with more than and the problem look, depression is not depression until doctor say more than six weeks, it has to stay with you, you know, more than six weeks it becomes you know, you need to you need to get help, I need to see a professional you need to talk to someone older and wiser. Okay, so they say that depression is mostly in women, it's like double the, the the occurrences as men, and

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they don't know why. But one of the guesses is the way Allah created him. They frequent hormonal imbalances because of their pregnancies and other matters that don't happen to men and because of those hormonal changes, it's natural that you know she's going through all these different worries and, and, and all that stuff men also do but men they mistake it for fatigue. Or they just say I'm easily irritated. They don't know that we brush it off. Exactly, we brush it off because that's a man thing, isn't it? However, you know, Allah Subhana Allah says in the Milo's reuse, run in omalos, reuse raw, with every one hardship, it's singular comes many eases, plural use raw, every single

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hardship that comes down put you have to understand in your brain every hardship that comes down, it comes with a package it comes with a blessing it's a blessing in disguise brothers and sisters well law allows him it's up to you to look at it that way. Because Allah says with every 100 He repeats it in my last 30 years throw in the monasteries or in case you didn't get the first time. That's what it's saying. Use straw is plural. Every hardship is a school on its own brothers sisters, I want you to think about this. Depression too much is not good depression a little bit is good for you. Okay, because we learn from them. I want you to imagine if everybody had a comfortable life and

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went through any challenges or experiences? What benefit can they have to themselves or anyone else? You're learning nothing. Nobody wants somebody or everything comes to them, and they don't go through some hardships, a baby doesn't fall 100 times a baby learns 100 ways of how to get up and inshallah we can learn that I'll just leave it at that inshallah. And

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I'll just say a quick Hadith to that Rasul saw Salam said, there isn't a thing, a single hardship that happens to a Muslim whether it be I want you now to listen to the words Subhanallah whether it be sickness, or physical tiredness. So this is the body sickness, physical tiredness while our hum no worry worry is also called anxiety while as I'm as I'm claustrophobia is also a form of depression. While other harm from people when people bully you harm you say things to put pressure on you, whatever it may be, well, hasn't a no sadness. Sadness is about trauma, post traumatic stress disorders that can develop from that. So experiences of the past divorce, deaths, anything

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like that, had a shocker to you shampoo her not even the prick of a needle. That happens to the Muslim in laka for Allahu be humming hotwire except that ALLAH doesn't leave it. He compensates you by taking away from your past sins and mistakes until you only there's a beautiful Hadith I read the other day authentic. It says that the person on the Day of Judgment, who went through a lot of blessings in this life when I say blessings, I mean, ease ease, ease in this life, when they see the people who went through so many hardships and what they get and how Allah compensates them and doesn't leave in Adams worth of hardship they were patient with they actually will wish to return to

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Earth and to be cut up into pieces so that they can be in the highest pleasant paradise. Well, law Hill, Ozzie moving on another mental illness is OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder. You know what that's called in Arabic in the Quran. It's in sort of cool algebra Bill falak Misha Rena Hala Concha Vasa can either walk up and share in effort that they forgot. I'm sorry, I made a mistake put on there. I've been Ness cloud Sherrill SHARI LEWIS was upon us. So it's called with Swiss what's worse is when thoughts come to your brain, they start telling you stuff, all this stuff. You know what the protocol Selim said, This is most common in Muslim communities. I remember a friend, I remember

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several friends when they want to make wudu. And then they get this request and then never able to finish they will do it because they think they haven't done or will do properly then pray for them. And they go back and they miss out on it. And this comes from the Shaitan he's always swears some and it's got nothing to do with religion. Actually, it's just with Swiss I know some non Muslims who are so obsessive over an envelope and I keep looking at invalid maybe that maybe there's letters in there, maybe there's not they know they're doing something wrong. It's just an obsessive compulsive disorder. So we recite that verse, and there are so sulla Sallam told us get yourself distracted,

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get yourself to learn new skills because there's a part of your brain that starts growing and growing like the addiction of drugs, and you get obsessed with it. So what you got to do is you got to you got to minimize that part of your brain by giving it new skills, new new things you got to you got to I don't know if any of you go to gym, maybe the boys will relate to because it talks about growing your muscles even some girls but if you go to the gym, one of the best ways to grow your muscles professionals tell you you got to shock your muscle you got to shock so you got to do something different your muscles not used to how they get comfortable. Yeah, the muscle starts

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getting sensors I know what you're doing, I'm just gonna stay where I am. And then you shock and he says, Oh, I better get a move on. Same with your brain same with your body same with everything got to shock yourself to try something new. And that's exactly what Allah said that Francois Salah Maha. Well, lately it has such a famous verse in it also says he was going through some he was on his way to some sort of what we would call depression today but obviously prophets never reached that. And Allah Subhan Allah says in the end of it,

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familia tema ferrata, Kuru MSA lfls And maybe nonmaterial Becca, for Hadith as for the person who asked you for help, do not reject them and the orphan look after them, and talk about the Blessings of your Lord be positive. In other words, is telling him don't just sit down, get a move on, don't sit, move, keep moving, and start doing things. Because the more you do things the more your self esteem rises. The more you distract your brain the more you become a better person, and you feel amazing. And number four is ADHD. I'm not going to talk too much about that but just very quickly, for those who don't know our inability to concentrate, forgetfulness can't sit still restlessness

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losing things. And rasa Selim taught us something about that he says exercise so that your energy is lessened

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get a diet balanced so as well so as I'm told us about diet balance, there's a beautiful Hadith the Prophet SAW Salem where he was given watermelon and he brought dates and he said dates bring

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heat and watermelon bring coolness. This one balances out that one so you can see that in Islamic diet there is a balance in the body and that helps people with ADHD and actually it's a new study right now. I'll move on from that inshallah also da and reading on them and being patient with them as parents.

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We'll move on from that one and say number five is post traumatic stress.

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disorder. This is a big one you know you really need to see proficiently if you do go through that. I almost went through that myself

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through certain hardships in my life and

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it's basically a prolonged or severe flight and fight response. You get flashbacks, you get nightmares, you get panic attacks, difficulty connecting to others, a lot of fear. You know and

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Ross also Lovato Sallam

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told us a lot about this in the Quran. The Quran talks about the Sahaba is when they're in the Battle of God, you know, and they lost that battle and many of them were killed, and they were mutilated, and it was one of the most tragic losses even the process seldom saw his uncle Hunza dead mutilated in front of him that he beat his beat his back teeth and clenched his fist and clenched his fists and he said, Well Allah here I will do the same to their bodies. If Allah gives me another time going to mutilate and want to take revenge. But Allah subhana data center verse telling him, Do not think that what has happened to you is bad for you. It is good for you. You and ALLAH knows and

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you do not know it could be that a good that a matter that you think is good is bad for you and it could be that a matter that you think is bad is actually good for you Allahu Allah more into mulata element always know that ALLAH knows and you always put your trust in Allah subhana wa Taala and then people came along like the hypocrites and they said Ah had you stayed in Medina this wouldn't have happened to you. And I tried to put fitna and doubts in their head you know when some people come up to you might even go up on social media and read the memes themselves and make yourself sick. So in those times, I advise people to stay away really well to stay away from social media. It

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drives you crazy man take a break from it if it's there's no real benefit from it. And also saw tsunami lifted their steam and lifted the companions of steam after that. And they learned a huge lesson from it the had they not learned that they were going to repeat it again and again. So my brothers and sisters, there is always hope I lost my cells that there is always hope. Another one is called bipolar disorder. Uncontrollable extreme mood swings One minute you're manic attack and next minute you're just an absolute low. This panel is a very very difficult disorder and Muslims need to understand it. And these people do need medicine they need medication to what we don't call it

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medication but treatment some to balance their hormones to regulate it is nothing wrong Islam fact I told you came from Islamic practices actually, these types of people, it benefits them to be around the Muslim community because you know, an admirable model for NASA and Moncure command the good and rebutting evil, it keeps people in check. And for a bipolar person, they don't they don't like what they're doing when they act out. So when somebody comes and tells them, you know, reminds them to fear a lot, they'll act out and and later on, they go back and they think about it, these bipolar people because they know they shouldn't have done it. And it helps them insha Allah who died.

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And also, as I've said tomorrow, a beautiful thing he said,

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Whenever you do something wrong, follow it up with a good deed and wipe it away. So an advice for people like that if they can't control themselves Allah's pantalla is a forgiver He forgives people when they're out of control, they can't control themselves, but when you're able and make it up with good deeds so that he can wipe it away don't just leave it like that and say I'm a victim I'm a victim and that's it. It doesn't work that way brother and sisters yes, it's it's you're a victim to this disorder, but you can do something about it insha Allah died and that is followed up with good deeds when you're, I'll say when you're okay after after you get an attack because it doesn't always

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stay. Another thing is eating disorder and I think that's got to do with not being happy with your body and your image and yourself. And you know, there's a lot on this about effects of social media and looking at other people and how they look and thinking you're missing out and you're inadequate. And would you believe that every single person is doing the same thing the people you're looking at who look amazing to your eyes are perfect, or tuning it because they also have a problem with their own body image and Allah Subhana Allah tells us in the Quran, look at Holloman in Santa Fe x Anita when we have created men and women in the best form was what are coming for us and so welcome he

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gave you picture to your face and he made it beautiful for the amount of Allah who Arsenal Harlequin Glory to Allah the best of credit. I know it's easier said than done. But my advice to your brothers and sisters really, I mean, this is really a lot in your control, to avoid looking at those who you think look better than you. Now on the flip side, I've seen people they walk around with people who they think are less attractive because they're selfish, they just want people to they want to get attention, they think oh, I'm gonna walk around this smaller person like if I've got big muscles of walk around someone who's got smaller muscles so that everyone can get my attention. Or if I'm got a

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good body also I'll walk around someone doesn't have a good body tag and get attention and so on and so forth. This is not what a Muslim does and this actually makes it worse my brothers and sisters because we're waiting for people for people's acknowledgement, it leads to anorexia, bulimia, feeling extreme disgust with yourself Hating Your Body Subhanallah and you know, look, I'm not going to spend too much time on this. This is a lecture on its own.

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I'll just suffice with that. Insha Allah Allah Samantha says Yanni Well, I am in my foot Bella Lovato. Comala about done anything review wish for what the other person has. Oh,

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All of you have favours all of you have blessings, all of you have skills hone in on them. And you know what a confident person in themselves is the most attractive person SubhanAllah. And if you feel you're unhealthy or unfit or overweight or something like that, it's okay man do a bit of exercise. But sometimes, it can't always be maintained. And if you're going to get married, get married to somebody who's understanding of that, you know, make that one of your priority list that isn't understanding person, you can tell by looking at their Facebook page, their Instagram to see what kind of person are they show offs? Do they think materialistic, and that's you got to look at

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these things. And lastly, personality, personality disorders, this is a huge thing. And this is where the Muslims now we look at positions and shaytaan where a person acts out and no longer knows what they're doing. And honestly, in medicine, they they say they don't have any cure for that. But they have a treatment for it. There's no cure, but treatment.

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And we do the Rukia at that time, but I can say that when people do act out, and they don't know what they're doing, they're not in sin. And that's why brings me to some people you know, with her, we hear about suicide, La hawla wala Quwata illa. And we felt with sometimes we jumped to conclusions to judge that person who died of suicide, and we think they're going to hellfire or something. And this is haram to judge anybody. And also SLM did say, you know,

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do not whoever committed suicide in certain ways will kill themselves in hellfire over and over again like that. So they will keep killing and reviving, killing reviving the reason he said that is not to judge people. The reason he said that is that if you're thinking about it, remember, if you lose this life, you've got a worse life coming ahead of you. So don't lose your life. It's reverse psychology. But when somebody committed suicide at the time, the promise of loss and process and and didn't say a word, at times, he didn't prey on them. But he told the Companions up around them, why didn't you prey on them? Again, he wanted to he wanted to help the people to rethink that if the

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process of didn't pray on a person commits suicide, oh my god, I better not think about it. Why? Because Allah Subhana Allah said in the Quran, when I talk to you and full circle, do not kill or destroy yourselves, for surely God has been most merciful to you, and also wants to connect you to His Mercy. Once you're once you to benefit the community. If all Muslims and good people took their lives who is there going to be out there who does good and leaves out you know, the goodness that Allah has created us. Another thing is grief. This is a big one. And you know, what, and we shall try you Allah says with with with ease and hardship and give good tidings to those who are patient,

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the ones who when a calamity befalls and they say to Allah we belong and to Him we will return grief My dear brothers and sisters is okay in Islam it's okay to cry crying helps you talking to people and remembering your loved ones. And talking about them often is really good there is no such thing as three days. Morning. There's no such thing in Islam I don't know where they got that from. We have it in my culture living it's three days you do it and after three days like weird why use away pain and condolences and it's weird if somebody's still sad after three days they think that your man is low. This is absurd. It's absolute nonsense. It also so Allah Allah wa salam, remember

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Khadija are the Allahu Allah and her three years after she died, and there's a long story about him being in Medina. And actually the Sahaba said for six weeks Rosa Sam wasn't himself after she died. And in Medina Three years later, he saw a Nicholas lungs carrying Long story short, he saw some beads of hers. And when he saw them, he cried and the Sahabas cried with him and he said, I remember Khadija, you know, the Allahu Anhu. Every year he would slaughter make an oath here on behalf of himself, his family and one just for Khadija to tell. And just to remember her. He even made friends. He even used to talk to her friends, they were all elder, older women, like seven years old

00:28:36--> 00:29:01

and above. And just to remember, he used to remember his uncle Hamza, and he couldn't even look at what's his name? watchI when he became a Muslim, you know, he remembered his mother at the age of 5253 years old, we're talking like, amen. I don't know what 40 years later or so more. There was also a sudden was crying at her grave saying, you know, I remembered her kindness upon me when I was a child. And when he buried his son, Ibrahim, who was two years old, and he said to him

00:29:03--> 00:29:05

that I weeps and a half

00:29:06--> 00:29:07

you know, to the,

00:29:08--> 00:29:25

to the loss of you. So these things, it's okay to feel sad. And we should help each other when grief you know, there's no need to give lectures to people who are in grief and sign this is a community we help each other with grief. Wallahi just a simple i For me, it was just a hug from a brother, you know?

00:29:27--> 00:29:29

Or from from my sister.

00:29:30--> 00:29:59

You know, oh, my mother, and just a little hug and just, you know, I'm here somebody's having a couple of tears with me and says, we're here for you. And in St. Lucia, this was enough. You know, the worst thing I hated what people saying, you know, are you you're the one who tells people Subhanallah you got to show us what do you mean show me it's these are hurtful. They're very hard. That puts more pressure on you just don't want to see anyone anymore. So we can help each other as a community and just say, I can't imagine what you're going through. We are here for you. You're not even saying anything, just holding caressing very hardly and saying we're here for you Subhanallah

00:29:59--> 00:29:59

it's just

00:30:00--> 00:30:36

And in time, with solid with crying in prayer with having walks with talking to your family, all this insha Allah goes away. Now I'm going to quickly run down these very quick points. And that's it. Insha Allah, I want to talk about reasons and some help reasons when it's outside of your control brothers and sisters, listen, when it's outside of your control, you can't do anything about it. Family, for example, peer pressure, bullying, isolation, tragedies, sicknesses, loss of job wealth, business success, when you've done what you can others reminding you of your past or patronizing you because of your past, this is out of your control. What do you do with it? You make

00:30:36--> 00:31:11

a list so what can I control? What can I not control, and turn to Allah and complain to him? In time, Michelle, these people forget after one week, two weeks, nobody cares. Right? And you connect with people who do love you, you connect with people and you remember the people around you even it's just two people. Normally it's your own family. So most often, but even sometimes family and and then insha Allah. If you just have two three friends who are positive with you and say these words, connect with them more and more often. These are some reasons now that you can control near the easiest because your personal state number one they can distancing is a problem. When I move

00:31:11--> 00:31:48

away from remembrance, I'm going to find that my soul starts to die off laziness. You know, laziness is a problem. So if you find that you're getting depressed because you're not achieving things, then go ahead and start doing things right that will solve it. Insha Allah before you know it, you're up there, lack of goals, try and make goals for yourself. being dishonest to yourself. Very importantly, being dishonest to yourself is one of the leading causes of anxiety and depression. Sift between what is true about you and what is not acknowledge you are not perfect, nor is anyone else, see what you can do about you know, about what you've got in you know, deficiencies and what

00:31:48--> 00:32:30

you cannot accept consequences of what was your fault and take responsibility admit and don't be afraid to do so. You know, don't inflate yourself more than what you are. I suppose I said, I've said that to him a lot. I'm doing it for Kandra may Allah have mercy on a person who knows their limits and stick to them Allahu it's much better for you false beliefs in your head. Most of them are not true, fixating on what people think of you then doing things just to please people. If they are morally right, you still do them but if you cannot do something or or doing something that's not you, just to appease others that's not healthy. It causes you to spend unnecessary time and money

00:32:30--> 00:33:07

and waste your energy you'll definitely get disappointed you'll get disrespected by people some people spend a lot of money to get you know massive beautiful cars you know all their money possibly go into debt just to please people or they go overboard on social media. Man, this makes it even worse brothers sisters, being too hard on yourself, you know what a failure I am. I don't deserve Allah's forgiveness. I don't deserve respect. I must, you know, I must forgive others or I'm sinned. You know, if somebody wrongs you, it's not compulsory to forgive them. It's an option. If you can't forgive someone, it's alright. But you know, not it's not their Right for You to forgive them if you

00:33:07--> 00:33:25

don't want to. But Islam encourages you to forgive because you take that burden off your chest for your own self, right? But if somebody takes your money and after 10 years, doesn't give it to you name comes up to you and says, you know, forgive me, bro, what do you mean, forgive him, Give me my money back, you know, make it up to the losses that I got. And Islam doesn't always tell you to forgive people. It's your right but

00:33:28--> 00:33:55

they have rights on you. So maintain the rights that a Muslim has, there are six of them. And if you don't want to forgive a particular thing, you don't have to, if that's not going to, you know, make things better for you. Knowing that you can only control your own behavior. You can't control people's behaviors. If you've got problems with family, with spouses, with children, with parents, with friends with anybody around you, monitor and look after your own behavior. Wallahi things around you will start falling into place if you monitor your own behavior insha Allah to a certain extent. Lastly,

00:33:57--> 00:34:11

mistakes in your past. Do not let yourself become a prisoner of your past. They are lessons not a life sentence. And honestly, that's not my quote. I took that quote from someone else. But I thought it's so accurate I couldn't change it around.

00:34:13--> 00:34:40

And quick, helpful hints insha Allah brothers sisters, if you learn nothing but helpful hints, remember these two golden rules. Number one, accept. Accept that this life will always have challenges and hardships. There is no such thing as a paradise here. This dunya dunya means the lowest place it's been set up to break your heart.

00:34:42--> 00:34:59

It's been set out to break your heart because that's why you rise Adam Alayhis Salam ate from the tree. disobeyed Allah. Allah was an angry, but he told him you've wronged yourself. He asked Allah to forgive him. Allah forgave him had he not eaten from the tree he would not know what forgiveness and mercy is he would have never experienced it. So

00:35:00--> 00:35:44

Again, it's made that way to write not to torture you. Number two, be honest and true to yourself and others I cannot emphasize this more do this. To do this, you need to know your beliefs, values and capabilities stick to your lane. Nothing worse to your self esteem than lying to yourself and others, then it coming back to bite you and you feel guilty and have no have to admit than hate yourself. If people know where you stand, even if it's not great or prestigious, they will still respect you and you will feel self respect. But most importantly, you will respect yourself and not hate yourself. smile, laugh, be cheerful Wallahi that helps a lot with friends that you can I meet

00:35:44--> 00:36:18

with somebody. Every Saturday I sit with him just laugh. We joke about things to only share it with him right? And there's another person I share it with, right? That positive company really does release attention and obviously exercise helps I still walk with my mother take my mother out. So we've got a Walkman because she gets into depression from you know the losses. And lastly, family my brother and sisters family. And actually one more last thing one more last thing, feeling guilty about your religious sins. I just want to emphasize that I've had some people say to me, I've done too many sins and all that. Brothers and sisters Subhanallah you're talking about the Most Merciful

00:36:18--> 00:36:49

forgiving a lot lost parent dialysis, I'm always close. I will never leave your side just you respond to me. And Allah will continue to forgive you so long as you repent. Doesn't matter if it's 1000 times the size of mountains. What matters is Allah Subhana Allah forgives you, and you've got to do his and don't leave him keep your five daily prayers. Do your good deeds, repent from it if you haven't been praying, repent from whatever sins you have, again and again each time be sincere about it. And don't delay it. Don't delay it. Allah Subhana Allah says in the whole layer as some Rohilla Hillel Coleman, Kathy Rowan, no one despairs from Allah's forgiveness and mercy except

00:36:49--> 00:37:24

disbelievers because they don't believe in God. Okay, so And lastly, qualia, I bet the levena slough wider and footsy him say, Oh, my servants, who have overburdened themselves who have been excessive with themselves to being too hard with themselves over their sins which they have done. Latok Natoma Rahmatullah. Don't give up from Allah's mercy in Allah. Nova Jamia indeed Allah forgives all the sins completely in the whole afforda Rahim Indeed he is the one who forgives it never stops forgiving. He is the one who has mercy that never stops. I thank you for listening or Salahuddin Amina Muhammad Ali wasafi As you may

00:37:25--> 00:37:43

know, exactly one law there was a time or do or should we come? We have plenty of time we shall with that in mind we did have a question from the from the comment section from Brother Abdullah says how do we heal from the psychological effects of perpetual hardship?

00:37:46--> 00:38:06

Well in in the talk that I gave you would have noticed I've given some some hints about how to heal number one is okay, I'm going to share with you something I would like you to because I want to go to the other questions too. But what I want to do is I'm going to share with you these books if you can

00:38:08--> 00:38:12

if you can purchase these books or get them sorry about the

00:38:13--> 00:38:50

weird guy there they can everybody see those. Alright, sorry about the book at the bottom. I know that the image is not the best image you got a person standing there but this is actually a really good book. I've endorsed by sister named Aisha LM she's revert to Islam and a life coach. But see here don't be sad. This will talk all about how to heal and move on. Or move forward I would say move on is a big word you got to move forward so you take what you've learned to move forward with it. Enjoy your life by Dr. Hamad Latifi this is a really good book because I think that a lot of people have

00:38:52--> 00:39:26

low self esteem and they feel they're a failure because you know maybe they don't know how to deal with people socially or social anxiety and stuff like that this is called How to Win Friends and Influence People it's written by a non Muslim but it's just so amazing and in fact this book enjoy your life is based on this book from Islamic perspective. And then you have this book here fortress of the Muslim and you've also got an app for it right here. This book is more for sisters you know it'll really work for them but this one is a fortress of the Muslim these are daily of god these are daily reminders brother and I what worked for me man we're lucky because I went through through as

00:39:26--> 00:39:39

you know, trauma and stuff like that. The loss of my son and brother led Harmon and this just, you know, I went through nearly every single door in here and maintain them and stuck to them. Because I want you to look at

00:39:40--> 00:40:00

where is it this image here. We made up of three things we made up of spirit, mind and body. Okay, that's true. And we focus on the body the mind comes next most people they neglect the Spirit the soul and sometimes to heal requires us to grow this blue, this blue circle here. Okay, and that's

00:40:00--> 00:40:37

As the soul and the soul grows through worship through vicar, vicar, worship, fasting is coming along. And very importantly to connect with the Quran brothers, what Llahi the Quran talks to you, it reads you and when I say connect with it if you're an Arabic, grab, grab that grab a translation of the meaning, and just randomly you know, go to sort of use of for example, and try to learn its meanings. And and when you read it, contemplate open your mind and try to ask yourself questions every verse wise Allah said this to me, Oh, well look what actually happened here. One really, really good translation of the meaning that I found quite contemporary if you want to write it down.

00:40:38--> 00:41:16

It's called Islamic Studies dot info, Islamic Studies dot info. It's a contemporary translation of the meaning of the Quran. You can find it online and it really gives you great examples Allah it really helped me a lot Masha Allah, so when that spirit and soul started growing with the Quran, Quran, you're going to find a huge difference in sha Allah to Allah. We How can one maintain steadfastness and have a strong belief in God? Well, yeah, I think I mean first of all, Kadar, you gotta understand what kata means. Kata means that Allah subhanho wa Taala knows everything and you don't have that it means that Allah has control over everything and you don't cut that it means that

00:41:16--> 00:41:51

Allah Subhana Allah is the wisest and places everything where it belongs. And you don't understand that. And Qatar also means that your choices play a part in color, what you do is part of the color choices and what we do is we learn from our choices got to be brave and courageous. So when you know this, then you start to understand that color is beyond you. So to try and grab color, and try to understand what's actually happened is impossible. It's in hospital, even the Prophet sallallahu Sallam when Gibreel didn't come to see him for over, you know, for a couple of months.

00:41:52--> 00:42:33

He didn't understand why when he went to a bar if if you know the story, and they threw rocks at him and he sat in the grape, grape wine garden, and he said the famous dot O Allah To whom are you leaving me to to an enemy who, who who oppresses me? If you are not angry with me, then I do not care. So he didn't even know he started thinking maybe Allah pantalla is displeased with me these unhealthy thoughts, but at the same time, you've got to end up with this Ross also says that if you are not angry with me, I do not I am pleased and say it from your heart. Go to sushi with my brother and cry in that suit and speak in any language you want. Speak in any form you like, man just say

00:42:33--> 00:42:49

ah, I'm in pain and let it come out of your Hartwell Institute. Wallah he does make a difference. My advice this worked for me okay. Maybe it works for you. The night has a special the nighttime after a shirt all the way to Fisher anytime it has a special effect on you.

00:42:50--> 00:43:26

I don't I can't explain it. But Michael dork prayer Witter, and make that Doha and go down to the floor and speak in any language you want and cry your head off Hola. Hola. Azim makes a huge difference at night. You do it over until you start loving it. It's called Hulu or being with Allah. Now with the delts let me tell you something. I narrate to you a beautiful Hadith from Sahih Muslim. The Companions came to the Prophet sallallaahu Salam one day and said to him, ya rasool Allah, we get thoughts in our head that if we were to tell you we would rather you throw us in the fire and we burn. We don't want to tell you what they are the so bad. And Rosa salem said to them out as you do

00:43:26--> 00:44:11

Nadella, can you really is that what you're really is happening to you? They said yes. And he got happy. He said that is true. Amen. Let me let me explain. True, amen. Meaning your heart dislikes those thoughts. You don't like those thoughts. You hate them. You're not comfortable with them. He said, That's true. Amen. Because a man is in here, not here. A man is in here, not here. So if this cannot agree with this, it's a sign of your Amen. A discomfort with haram a discomfort with belts. And then he said Hamdulillah he returned the power of the shaitan. To Mia whispers. That's what you got to understand. Now, here's a little piece of advice he made no claim said, Everything starts

00:44:11--> 00:44:30

with a thought. If you do not repel the thought, it turns into an idea. If you've not repelled the idea, it turns into a plan. If you don't repel the plan, it turns into an action. If you keep repeating the actions and don't repent it'll turn into a habit and that's when becomes very difficult to reverse. How do you repel a thought distract, change your environment?

00:44:33--> 00:44:59

Get used to having many activities you gotta keep distracting yourself insha Allah because these are whispers of the mind. And that's all there is to it. And at the end of the day, say this dot Allahu wa Masha Allah has done and what He wills he has done is I know that he has done it with wisdom to Allah I belong to him I return and you say this to Allah say Oh ALLAH if you want to angry with me, then I am pleased and if there is good in this show me

00:45:00--> 00:45:24

Oh ALLAH insha Allah is not having good dreams and shall they start having things that turn remember, nothing stays EPZs Nothing ever stays as it is an every color that happened has a blessing and there is a reason for it. We don't know the reason yet. Hold in there. Go through it insha Allah and you'll see if obstacles come up your way or if openings come up your way, baby actually, what's the next question?

00:45:25--> 00:45:35

Yeah, just on others. Oh, you know, like, as much as we try to understand or I've tried you can never really have brains are not capable. Give her up. Exactly. Yeah.

00:45:37--> 00:45:50

And then what I've also thought about what you were saying with nighttime as well, I tried to rationalize why it feels different. It's like the lack of expectation. Or like it's the loneliness that you feel is so raw

00:45:51--> 00:45:58

you know, that allows for the emotions to come out I feel Yeah, in San means in San means acquaintance he loves company.

00:45:59--> 00:46:36

owns you love company. So you do need company is staying alone too long. Especially with the lockdown that happened last year, I feel that it has affected a lot of people in that sense. Yeah. For me, it was the opposite. I needed that time alone. You know, you need those time alone, sometimes just going and looking at the stars in the sky and just nature and taking a breath, just by yourself and thinking about Allah subhanaw taala really does a difference. You know what, it might seem a bit cliche, everybody says it. But well, it works. You know? Yeah, a walk around the block for half an hour, makes a huge difference. Sometimes it's biological. Actually, in biological

00:46:36--> 00:47:05

years, it is biological as well. So doing exercise was was awesome did that he was once racing with Russia, his wife and she beat him. And then after a little time, she became a little bit unfit. And he, he still remains fit. And he wanted to have a race with at this time he beat her and he laughed and he says, Now we're even. So she goes, I went and got fit again. And I wanted to have another race. So it was also as to encourage physical fitness and it helps a lot. You know, taking it from a man who went through all sorts of traumatic experiences and grief.

00:47:06--> 00:47:10

It physical harm, everything. You name it. He went through some of that he was still

00:47:11--> 00:47:17

studying what he did. Insha Allah helps us a lot. Yes. Next question shallow.

00:47:18--> 00:47:34

Okay, so how can we best navigate the discussion around mental health issues and disorders just being because of low Eman? So I think it's referring to how people will just blame low demand for everyone who has mental health. So the first thing I would advise you, man,

00:47:35--> 00:48:16

is the verse in the Quran? Yeah. Are you a nurse? Are they coming full circle? Are people start with yourselves? You educate yourself and know what your Dean says about mental health. And he man, as I told you, if no claim if you grab a book, okay, I'm going to refer to another book now, to educate yourself. Number one, it is called a debt, widower, the sickness the ailment and its cure the ailment, and its cure by Ibn Al Karim, you can find that as a PDF, it's now translated, it'll teach you so much about feeling at ease, and feeling

00:48:17--> 00:48:26

less stressed of the fact that you have mental challenges. Okay, and gives you great solutions and things to do. Insha Allah God,

00:48:28--> 00:48:30

once you understand, educate yourself about that.

00:48:31--> 00:49:15

Those who don't understand it, or don't want to understand it, the only thing you can do is say Subhan Allah may Allah spent an increase them in guidance and knowledge. I have family who don't believe or not at net don't believe they don't understand it. So what do I do? I try to talk to my family about it. And I have a lot of struggle. So what do I do? I say, yeah, maybe you're right, maybe you're right. And I just give in and say, okay, you know, you could probably could have a point. So what I do is I then look for help elsewhere to be honest people, imams and chefs and friends who do understand that I go to, you know, I'm part of a Muslim Mental Health Group. It's

00:49:15--> 00:49:22

really good to go to Muslim psychologist and Miss Muslim mental health professionals because they give you the, you know, they help you this way. And that way.

00:49:23--> 00:49:49

If you if you don't have a skill of some sort, go ahead and get a skill like learn horse riding, for example, there's a ranch up, it's called for sand. I take my daughters there, connect yourself with horses. And now this this is a bit of a study that you know, get yourself a little pet you know, these things do help you insha Allah died. But my advice to you about understanding Eman and health is educate yourself. And if you can, as I told you, there's this group called Mm hm. The Mental Health Network.

00:49:50--> 00:50:00

You can look them up on Facebook. If you connect with people like that who have studied about Muslim Muslims or psychology that you can connect with people who agree with me feel a little bit better about yourself in

00:50:00--> 00:50:12

Shall as for the awareness, I think something like this, you know, you guys, you guys initiate zooms and talks and gatherings on mental illness. That's how it happens, you know? Shall

00:50:13--> 00:50:19

I shall? What are some ways a friend can comfort someone with mental health issues?

00:50:20--> 00:50:35

What are some ways in person can comfort person with mental health issues? Well, they remember how we gave like eight different mental health issues. So each one would have a different approach. But if we looked at the first most common ones, which is depression and anxiety,

00:50:37--> 00:50:55

loss gospel, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to be the most positive person around these types of people. The first thing you've got to do is acknowledge, actually, the first thing to do is listen and say to them, I am here to sit with you. I've made time. I just want to listen to you.

00:50:56--> 00:51:36

You listen, and you pay attention that makes that's the first part, the second part, acknowledge their pain, and acknowledge their feelings. And she did go to judgment. Don't go to any advice. Listen, acknowledge, yes, I can't imagine how that isn't the first time I hear about something like that. can explain how so what kind of feelings do you go through? Well, you know that that's really opened my mind to a lot of things, give him a hug, and say, brother, sister, Wallahi. I didn't know this. And I really, I really am here for you Insha Allah, and then you ask them these types of questions. And then you can then say, you know, one thing that that I read is, you know, as process,

00:51:37--> 00:52:14

he went through grief and said, whatever system goes through, whether it be physical harm, or whether it's sickness and the Hadith that I mentioned to you, so it just it resonated with me SubhanAllah. And really, you don't have to say much more than that, just by being there. Well, I remember a brother. He got sick with leukemia and stuff like that, and went for years and years and developed bipolar, and he was on medication developed depression, anxiety, paranoia, everything all in all in one SubhanAllah. I put them together, so there's no solution for him. But he just always wanted to contact me. And if I couldn't answer, I would make time to just replying just he had sent

00:52:14--> 00:52:55

me poetry. You know, his sister Lohana passed away, and he passed away now like at home, and he's the semi poetry about his sister and his inner thoughts. And I would take them and I would listen to them. Sometimes I would post them up on my Facebook page, and he would see them, this type of stuff. Simple stuff like that. Kindness, smile, and also I said, I'm set with a boy, there was a 1211 or 10 year old boy who had a pit Sparrow, Sparrow, Sparrow, Nordea, it's called, and it died one day. But I've also seen and heard about it, you know what he does? He goes to him and he sat with him, he sat next to the boy at his house. And he smiled and said, I've come to for you to tell me stories about

00:52:55--> 00:53:31

your spirit. Tell me and he started telling him stories modalities to do this and he used to do that needs to go up on my shoulder process and smile along with him as if it's the profits pit himself. It makes him feel like we're one we're together on this will not have made it he makes a huge different difference once a Sahabi his name's Eponine he wasn't very attractive. He was short and stubby and all that stuff. And on top of that, he used to be a slave and then he became free to there was a stigma on him. And everybody would thinking Oh, this guy is alright. But he'll excellent is nobody and whatever, to the point where the Sahaba still left after the spirit of the prophesy

00:53:31--> 00:54:02

son was the most you know, he used to try and sometimes drink with him. He put his hand around his eyes, and he would say who is it? Who is it and proselyte I sell them said I want to sell you and then he says are you not going to get much money for me and messenger of ALLAH and he smiled and hugged him he said, Well, Allah He you are not sellable. You are you are more you are more precious to Allah than anything you have no price, and he would just feel amazing about himself, you know? So these types of positive compliments insha Allah genuine compliments really go a long way. You don't have to do much more than that in shallow, shallow.

00:54:03--> 00:54:06

Okay, all right. So next question was

00:54:10--> 00:54:40

in Islam, yep. Can you give someone because he or she was mentally sick and did immoral things? I think it's referring to someone who's mentally sick. Are they forgiven? If they do immoral actions? Yes. Now now, there's two questions to that. I understand that the saying that can a person get forgiven if they're if they're immoral actions are based on their mental illness? And for my end as a person, if they wronged me, should I forgive them? Because they had a mental illness? And my answer to you is yes.

00:54:41--> 00:54:55

Of course. If you can do that you're an amazing person. Because not only not only are you forgiving them because you understand and you're mature enough and intelligent enough that this person is going through hardship.

00:54:57--> 00:54:59

You know, they wish they couldn't, but at the same time,

00:55:00--> 00:55:38

by forgiving them, you are mature enough to understand that you're not perfect. And if this was in you, you would want people to forgive you. So you forgive them, and you become a role model for people like that they learn. Secondly, you don't have to stress and lose sleep over what this person has done to you. You know, so you forgive you let it off your chest forgiveness is more like letting go of the hope that you could have changed what happened. So you let it off. Like these people, they're not thinking about what they did to you anymore, if they've got mental illness, or even if they're just plain evil,

00:55:39--> 00:56:05

they go to bed, happy and you're still thinking about it. So the idea is to forgive so that you can get the stress off you. But if you don't want to forgive, that's, that's up to you. But on the day of judgment, what happens is that you're not going to be in trouble because obviously, you're right has been taken, but Allah subhanho wa Taala will make it up to you and make it up to them. Right? He's not going to just punish a person knowing that they weren't in their right state. Now,

00:56:06--> 00:56:23

does Allah forgive a person? Well, it depends. If the mental state reaches a point where they're no longer able to control what they're doing, saying or thinking, then of course, no sin and no pen is written upon a person like that.

00:56:25--> 00:56:31

That's also I said, I'm said, mistake and forgetfulness. Allah doesn't count them and also

00:56:32--> 00:56:42

lay you can live for long enough Senate low sigh Allah does not burden people are put upon them commandments and obligations and responsibilities that they can't handle.

00:56:43--> 00:56:52

And this is a very common you know, rule in Islam, wherever you're not able, you are not accountable for this is a common physical principle that is always used throughout the centuries.

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And also some people in asked about suicide, you know, to that point, someone kills themselves. They could have had severe mental illness. We don't know yet. It's possible. I remember, a sister, you know, threw us off off the bridge about 20 years ago, I won't go into detail because it'll trigger some some emotions. But there was a real severe reason after that, I found out that I thought to myself, Man, I really can't

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judge that I really can't put myself in that position and and we say, My Allah forgive her and have mercy. We still make dua for her, we still pray for her, you know, how do we know that Allah spent I looked at a situation and thought, and judged her to be a person completely out of her mind. She wasn't in control of what she's doing. So I just wanted to give you that example. And you know, Allah says, you know, to Abu Bakr Radi Allahu anhu, when they slandered his daughter of adultery. And when it was all sold in a worker said, I'm not going to here's the pay and look after a cousin of his

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who was poor, and he was one of those who slandered his cousin, it shouted Allahu anhu, of adultery. And he said, Well, look, I will not help him anymore. And Allah spent Allah sent down the verse in the Quran, Surah Bara.

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He said to Him, those who give in charity and do goodness and forgive, do not stop your goodness, just because of this or that. Would you not want Allah to forgive you and give you mercy? Yes. Then how about you do things that connect you to me and to connect yourself to Allah is forgiveness and mercy. But obviously, some people It's haram to forgive them. Some people, it's haram to forgive them. Because if you forgive them, and for example, somebody who is evil and just continues to do their mistake deliberately and starts hurting the society, It's haram for you to forgive them, because you'll be enabling this person to continue. And what these people do is they'll disrespect

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you. Some Muslims believe that forgiveness is always a case. They think that you know what people think of them as every religious person now I can, I can just walk all over them. No, religious people are strong beings too. Now if I want to forgive, but I want to forgive until this person straightens up and does what the right thing is to do. So I just want to make that point in Shell. On How do you know when you've healed from a difficult situation, what is the point at which you know, you're ready for the next stage? Very good question. You know,

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each person

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each person heals at their own pace. So there's not one size fits all there's not one solution I can give you. All right, so you got to understand that every individual heals at their own pace.

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That's number one. Number two, my advice to you is you only know yourself if you're healing

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a very good advice sisters do this a lot brothers don't do this. And I tried it myself. I got a I did it to a certain point and that is honestly honestly Wallahi

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you know, if you can every night just write a few things about yourself in a diary, a journal.

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A lot of brothers think Ah, that's a woman thing. No, no, it's actually a man thing too. I modeled the law one the federal is to have a journalist to write in and he's to reflect

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upon himself every night that has a huge effect on you, I know a sister who had

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01:00:09--> 01:00:44

she probably still has it. And what happened to her was she read a verse in the Quran in the Molosser, Yusra with every hardship, there are many aces. What that did to her was, she had a journal. And she started looking back on the past six months or seven months. And she realized from looking at that journal, that she had improved a lot compared to the way she started. Let me explain to you something about this, psychologically, we forget how bad it was compared to now. Every time we're in a little bit of pain, we think it's still there.

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I'm going to repeat that.

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And again, I have to give you my example. And that's the best thing I can do subprime. I can connect with it. So my tragedy happened about a year and a bit ago.

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And still, I'm going through a hard time.

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And I still think sometimes my brain tricks me to think that it's still there. But when I reflect on what I've written, and look back on the first day, I go, hold on a minute, I have gone such a far away

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really, really far. I couldn't believe how almost How can I say my mind was clouded. I was I was not, I don't know, you know, where I was that time. And there were things I was doing good things, good things that I was doing better than now.

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Unfortunately, that was one of the signs that I'm healing. But I didn't want it to be that, you know, I was doing better worship that time. But then it tells me that you can't keep exhausting yourself, even in worship. So it told me I am healing number two, the stuff that I didn't want to do at that time, the natural stuff. So we're talking about eating, I couldn't eat right? Bathing, brushing my teeth, I had to go to the dentist below. He forgive me four months later. And I go, man, I'm sorry. You know, because I hadn't brushed properly, my gums were starting to get

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hurt. And I went back on it and hamdulillah and now I'm back in action, you know, every day Al Hamdulillah. So for example, these things are all little signs of my healing. But you see, the problem is we don't realize how much we've healed unless we can recall and reflect in others mentalis as reflect on yourself, you know, although that does a lot, because the fact that you're reflecting, you are aware how much you've improved and what other new things that you've accomplished. Here's another thing, brother.

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As soon as you're able to get yourself back up on your feet, and you're able to think properly, I say take up something that you've never done before.

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I needed to do some things I was about to explode. You know, okay, worship and remembering Allah was all beautiful. But there came a time where I've got to move on, man, I'm a father, I've got kids, I need to keep going. So I took on learning the software program on Adobe Premiere Pro.

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I got man, I gotta learn something and I've got to do something. I want to make my own stuff. And this time I came up with this idea from that, Oh, my God, look what I can do. And now I'm doing a project you know, making a new Islamic Studies book for schools secret thing to make a contemporary but

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yeah, so these things really helped a lot because you feel that you're still living. You're still Allah has kept you in Stan understand what Allah kept me. Some of the things were, maybe there are some sins that I was doing, Allah wants me to take care of him before taking me. Maybe there is something that I'm neglecting that I need to fix up. Maybe there is something more that I can give I need to learn. Maybe there's something that's still hanging there, Allah Samantha has to purify me from hardware or easy way. And I'm still going through struggles, brothers and sisters. And you know, there are things that are probably going to pop up that you hear about me, I don't know, you

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know, to that arm, you know, the doc has gone through a trials and maybe I'll just pantalla wants to get me through all that before, you know the end. So the point is that all of us always go through struggles you cannot hide and run away from Islam is the only religion in the world. In my opinion, from what I've read, and I've done comparative religions, that tells you to embrace suffering, not run away from it. Embrace it doesn't look at suffering as negative is positive. can get into that mindset. And I'll tell you something about the things that helped me is being prepared years before the tragedy. I've always visited the grapes. I've always went to funerals. I was preyed on people

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who passed away with any opportunity I had. I was tried to visit the Sikhs and get sick and connect myself with people who are less fortunate. Wallahi it? It's hard. But when your time comes to face tragedies and losses will lie you are more prepared than other people. You are more prepared than other people. And I found that I'm able to help other people and teach other people teach brother you know what

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You're going through, teach it, write it. Go on, go on social media, make make a blog or something and write about these things. See what you can learn from it. I connected with people at church that is the same as mine. And we talk back and forth. They taught me I taught them. These all these natural things that you take advantage of. I'm still going through a lot myself. I don't think that I'm waiting for the next tragedy to happen. You know, I still have nightmares myself. But I get up and I don't wait. I get out of the bed. And the first thing I say is the vicar Subhan. Allah Alhamdulillah Allah, Allah Allahu Akbar spoke to us behind will coolly level hamdulillah Oh, Allah

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asked you the best of this day, as soon as I finish my degree, I feel better. I feel better. You know, I gotta get out of the house a bit. Sometimes I have a walk. Sometimes I go get a coffee doesn't matter. I meet with a friend. Or I contact somebody that that, that I know, I'm comfortable with. I talked to my mother, I kiss my mother, I hugged my dad, these little things. You got to keep doing them. Actually not just stop and be complacent with what you've got and say, Ah, it's all doomed. It's not doing it's not doing it's not doing hamdulillah there's always more. Okay.

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Last question. Yes. Yeah, of course. Of course. Yes. In Madrid for a while now. So quickly. Last one.

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How do you get someone to accept that they are mentally sick, and that they need to seek expert advice? Especially if they are an adult?

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I have to admit, this is a very difficult question to answer. I don't know if I have.

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Say, again, this comes down to personalities and all that stuff. But look, I'll tell you the golden rule. I mean, I've got

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my father and I, my father, we debate all the time about you know, things that

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you know, he disagrees and just sticks to his guns, and I just can't do it. I mean, I almost get through them and then bangs back to where we started. And that's fine, you know. So what I do is, what I can do is monitor my behavior. What can I do for my dad?

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If I can't convince him, you know what, I be a son. And what does a son do? I kiss him. I talk to him. I sit down with him and I listen to his stories. He sometimes comes up with some YouTube clip that I do not believe even in Counsel of it. I think it's absolute nonsense. Sometimes he sends it to me and I chat with him about it. And I talk as if I'm learning something and if I do handle it, I learned if I don't

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I say you know what, that I disagree but maybe the point is I've made company with him right? My mother would just sit down I find a way of how to actually be a son to her and what she enjoys best and I do that, you know, look, listen, if you can listen to people and then acknowledge their point of view, then they are ready to listen to your point of views. Okay, this is I know in what might not work with everybody but it is a golden rule of most people listen genuinely then acknowledge some of their views say You know what, you're right I didn't see it that way. Well, maybe you're right. And then if it's older than if like parents people older than you the best thing you can do

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is you make it like you're learning something from your see you know what you're right about all this psychologists and you know there's something wrong with them you know, today I meet these Muslims psychological lows such as praises got the mark on his forehead right here Subhanallah and this is a six guys Asia bond. And she talks she actually believes in exorcisms and positions you got it you got to give them something that they already comfortable so that they can trust that person that's the identity of find what they trust them with countless time you got to see a psychologist like you know what they don't know anything come on they're gonna see you just hatched out of the

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egg yesterday Well, days when we used to live you guys are all just, you know, sucks and you're just so spoiled that's how they're thinking. So you got to acknowledge that stuff in order to give and take with them and at the end of the day if they can't you just do what you can from your internals then the rest is

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metal Allah reward you all for having I thought I was going to see a lot of people here have the rough man faces and stuff we can connect

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No, no no, it's all right. I must say that's a floor I'm saying I hope to engage with them but I ended up doing all the talking and I had just had that I haven't maybe an excellent Michelle or people out or whatever insha Allah

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Thank you for having me. Welcome Hello, hey, my eldest Diana heal all who is sick physically mentally, emotionally, all those who are going through a hard time but last month at ease their pain, relieve their pain and their hardships and bring for them for what they have suffered something greater in this world and in the next slide Haskell was planted to relieve our pain and to be and to help us and guide us in Europe ally and Amin. Oh Allah make the Quran the paradise of our heart and the cure to our souls and Allah Subhana Allah and make this Ramadan the best of Ramadan for you what I mean or solid line

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was set up

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