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The Etiquette Of Receiving Advice
Channel: Waleed Basyouni
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worthy of worship, and Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his last and final messenger. My dear brothers and sisters, last week, I talked to you about the concept of naseeha, advising one another, and how it is something so important and valuable in the religion of Islam. And we talked a little bit about or cover some of the points in relation to the etiquette of giving them.
And just to recap quickly, we talked about the importance of having the right intention. So when you advise someone, you advise them for the right reason for the right for the right, with the right intention, not to make fun of person not to show off not to show that you know better not that you picking on people's mistakes, like people give the advice, but in reality, what they do, they want to basically pick on people's mistakes.
Also, we talked about how it's important to choose the right words, how it's important to choose the right
way of addressing and the right words to address the people about the issue that you have a concern of being selective in your words is very important. Because people usually will be impacted by By the way, you advise them more than the advice itself more than the content itself. And I'm saying this because many of us are so many of people that I know, among our community, maybe English is not their first language or their English is not that perfect. So when it comes to dealing with their spouse, who basically English as their first language or with their children, or with other community members, here, when we have a gap of the language, and sometimes your advice, you think it
is okay, that's you know, how we talk and certain culture, but that's not how it is in English, or English speaking culture. For instance, in our culture where I can work from, you know, it is a common thing, even it's a bad thing in any culture, in my opinion, that we are sarcastic, you know, sometimes we use sarcasm to make a point, you know, but that's an English is absolutely unacceptable. And he tried to do this with your kids, you just pushing them away. Also, sometimes the way, the way we put the word or make the advice. So for instance, one of the things that our recommend that you try to put it in a form of question, instead of just a statement or a direct
order, you can make a question. And question can be tricky. I want you to keep that in mind. There is a big difference between suggesting something in the form of question, or asking somebody a question using the why, versus how, you know, for example, why don't you exercise? versus how about you exercising, you know, how about doing more exercise, why always put the person in a defensive position, take it to the roof, especially if you talk to your spouse, anytime you tell your spouse why immediately the go, you told your employee why immediately comes into defense position. Sometimes we don't pay attention to that. But that's where they'll say hi comes I guess, to remind
each other is about small things like this make the biggest difference. also put yourself sometimes in person's position. If I were you, I would do more exercise.
Make a suggestion, I would suggest doing more exercise I would recommend for you to more to do more exercise. We said that it's so important that you're advised the tone of it became lay in, it is gentle, it is soft. Okay. Also, make sure that when we advise someone, we advise people in secret not in public, you know, not in front of your kids not in front of other community member, definitely not in Facebook, not on social media. Okay, so obviously, it has to be mentioned in private and the private matters, if it is directed to some independent person by himself. But if it's a general talk, hey, I'm noticing in the mustard 123, that's can be for public.
Also, I would I'd say one of the etiquettes if you advise someone about something, make this a reason for you to practice that thing. Don't be angry if the people don't take your advice. Just an advice. Don't try to argue Don't try to basically win a debate and expense of losing a person. That will be the worst thing to do. Also, make sure if you're going to advise someone about something you should that this person doing that thing in it. Sometimes we advise people about things that we don't, we're not sure if they ever did that or that happen. I sometimes I followed this with my own kids. I'll tell my son Hey, don't do
This and don't do that, and I'll find out that he never did it. So I will look so bad at that point. So I learned in my life to try my best not to advise someone with something, unless you know the T basically doing it. You come to me such a Khalid, why don't you exercise? Who told you, you know? So? So you make sure that you know, before you ask the question, also be patient with the reaction of people because people might react in a different way, be wise, and we said wisdom, it means to choose the right time to choose basically, to set the priorities basically talk about what's important, the most important thing because before the least important thing, or the thing that
people not that attached to it before you talk about things that so attached to it, it choosing the right place, okay? And basically making sure that you understand the state that the person in he's older, he's very well known. He's a person who was powerful is the leader. And so for all these taking into consideration, it will make it much easier for you to be white, it will make you much wiser, what would make you a wise person when it comes to advice? Since we are in the Halloween season, one of the things that I see all every year going around, you know, they give you a paper print this paper and pass it on to those who come to your door asking for tree you know, trigger
tree. I always say Muslim always trick they don't treat when it comes to Halloween. Which is it? That's another discussion but unfortunately, not only that you don't treat Pete kegel comes some people transfer this moment to a debate moment, or a lecturing moment, or a dour moment. Come on, man, the kids coming in fun, they want candy they don't want to lecture about how to pagan celebration came from some evil souls, the evil souls in the past and all this kind of history that nobody think about it today, or later today. So I think you might debate and said somebody told me she I think that's the why is this the right time to give an advice? You know, it's not me, but you
know, I don't think it's it's the right time to give that's not the right people to give them advice, you know, or to give them a lecture about Halloween or anything of that nature. Make sure also among the wisdom that you're gonna see here will not lead to a bigger problem. The word worse problem.
In Nabi sallallahu Sallam saw a man who was so angry
and the person left the process of himself in the animal kingdom and oh
my god, I know something if this person would have said it, he would have come down if he basically genuinely said it, it would have come down then it mentioned What does it give us a license if he said are either Billahi min ash apology? So somebody heard that then he run after the man the question the processor Lem saw the man he could have said it to him. But then maybe some didn't tell him anything.
Cuz he's not in he's worried about bigger problem to happen and listen to what happened. So this man went to this angry person and told him Hey, by the way, I know something if you sit where you are, anger will go away. You say, oh, Blimey strategy call attorney Majnoon. You think I'm crazy person? I'm this and that. And he basically went off on that companions who came to give him that advice. Can you imagine if was the prophet SAW Selim The one who telling him that
and he basically acted in this way.
That would be an act of Kufa that will lead the Sahaba to hate this person for the rest of his life. But didn't call them smart. He doesn't want to say something that can lead to something worse. can make bass in bigger problem. Also, when you advise people about something, take your let them take their time. It's not confessor Kuhn is not like auditor it has to be done immediately. Also, make sure that you don't advise people too much. Be sincere in your advice and honest in your feedback if you've ever been giving the arrastra given advice as for the person who receiving the advice, number one, make sure that you accept the advice with open heart and open mind
when Musashi said I'm a man came to him, amen. He said in mela tamiu nabek that the people of Egypt are planning to attack you and to kill you. And they're plotting against you. He didn't say you know what I know better. I have ye from Allah. You know what? Or I'm the son of the king. You know, he took the advice and he immediately start leaving basically exiting the city of Egypt for a German haha event yet Dr.
B always take the advice
Or people, whatever the address you with open heart and open mind. The historian Scott, the historian reported the story of a man by the name of ebony signer
who a Jew in Medina, basically heard about the prophets of Salaam read about the price on description and the Torah. And he said, I saw every single physical description, the prophet, who's supposed to come after Moosa, and is after Musa alayhis salam. And this time from the in Arabia applied to this man. He said, except one thing.
I haven't seen it yet. And I'm going to check it out. So you went to the problem and said, Yasser Allah, I have some money that I can lend it to you to that time. So the problem agreed he took it from him. Then before the time comes, he came back right away after two days. And he said, Yeah, Mohamed, give me my money is back.
Then individual Salam said, but the time didn't come, you know, I needed right now.
Then, the problem said, I'm going for us a prayer. He said no, as of right now.
And he insisted, and he was so rude to the extended Omar on the line said, Let me get rid of him. You know, this is like so rude. Then he said, Yeah, Omar, that's not how you deal with it. And the more rude he was the province of Saddam, the more nice Can I assume he's smiling at him and in Ibiza Salam said Okay. Then he went inside the house, he delayed also prayer, he got the money and he gave it back to the to the Jew. So the Jewish person told him after that I said, Allah Allah, Allah Allah Muhammad Rasul Allah.
They said, Now what is the story isn't the story that I saw every description of you that this exists in our book, it was in you the physical description, there is one left I was trying to figure out, Karla Miss Dida upon
couldn't lemme Oh bleep as dad the Hillman that every time you make him try to make him angry he became more patient. Then he said you also learn no doubt and some of them have a city and even said that this is the verse and sort of a half which is revealed put out a tomb in Can I mean individually law work afforded to me was shahida he do mean Benny is like Elijah myth lever arm and I was stuck about to cleanness zealotry Abdullayev nice salam wa. Initially we had
it been said that the verse in the Quran where Allah subhana wa tada said that among the children of Israel has testified to that he is the Messenger of Allah. He said, this is the verse and sort of referring to this incident or could refer to the lighting setup as well. Also, when someone advise you some something, please try not to insist on the false hood. Try to you know what somebody advised you don't insist that you arrived. If you know that you're wrong, just admit it. Don't be arrogant will lie in these days. We see how dangerous this is. When you know that you're wrong just admitted. Don't be arrogant not to admit your mistakes. Just say sorry. We're either Kenan Oh
tequila is said to be when someone had been told fear Allah, their arrogance would make them refuse to admit to the mistakes. Also, make sure as a person who received the advice you always seek the advice from someone who is wise, someone who is sincere to you, someone who really cares and love you.
Avoid the people who advise you that they are ignorant, but if somebody said it's sincerely accepted welcome it. Omar the Allahu Allahu Allah. When someone told him a tequila hire Omar. Then somebody said, hey, how can you address the halifa this way? Either Omar will law hella hire a fee now when our fee come in Lem Taku, our alumnus Maha when he said tequila, fear a lot have gotta be gotta be conscious of our last panel data. Then somebody said, Hey, don't undress him in a rude way like this is it now? Let him say it. There is no good in us if we don't hear this from you. And there is no good in you if you don't say this to us.
And Imam Shafi Rahim, Allah Asad Pilar Manasa to a hidden babila meanie Illa hip to Toronto. What are the Allah yanase illa Sokka tamina Acosta chaverim Allah said no one ever advised and he accepted my advice. Almost I have so much respect for the person. But when he rejected my advice, he doesn't care. He's arrogant to dig it. He falls from my eyes. When someone gives, you know, see how it's one of the I adapt as a receiver of the advice to thank the person helped us out exactly
is the reward of good anything but good. That's a good thing that he did draw him along.
He will be called Mr. melas mercy be given to someone gifted gift, meet my set my mistakes. It's a It's a gift that someone told you what is good and bad, what is wrong is happening with you or release so use and do something wrong. And he tried to correct you
one of the worst thing of that the person who receiving dental see had to do and you will put him in hazmat them and our medical ship and fitness a and two carbon and minerals and methadone.
When somebody advised you something, is it since you opened the door, I have an advice for you to
ask the worst type of advice. You know, you basically you start doing it. Like someone said, if you want to know one of your mistakes, just tell your spouse about one of your spouse mistakes. You say one you'll get all the list back.
They said, No. Of course sometimes spouse they do this with each other a lot, then they basically give them an advice that Oh, what about you?
Okay, now, that's a very bad thing. You know, I don't ever advise because when you advise those who are advising you, it me, it's another way of saying I don't accept from you. Also, don't let the state of the person reject the advice. You're not because he's younger than you. You cannot take his advice.
Not because you see when a woman who is not educated woman corrected Omar, and some of them said no, she is Carla asama. Tomorrow after Omar. A woman is correct. And Omar is wrong in a society that they don't have at that time. Much of you know, it's a culture thing. They're not used for woman to correct men. And he said now she is right. And I'm wrong. And that's the halifa when Mr. Abdul Aziz a group of people came to visit him and the youngest among them was talking.
Accountability kalamoon Carla ameerul momineen level cannot be seen for an argument aka bromine, caffeine wilaya.
When he told them, hey, let the older speak. He said if it's about age, you shouldn't be the halifa You're so young, you're on your 30s. Then Omar on our sobre una Mustafa Omar, the boy is correct. And Omar is wrong. Further talk, speak. So don't let that maybe you hear from someone who's not educated. Just listen. You know, if he makes sense makes it doesn't make sense. It's just like a look and move on in your life.
Also, make sure that when you when you someone give you the advice, listen, have you guys know, are you guys aware of the difference between listening and hearing?
Because sometimes, you know, there is a difference between hearing and listening to my husband, you know, hearing in English, as well in Arabic, you know, semi steam and it basically it means you hear voices, but it doesn't mean you comprehend what has been said. That's why you say I hear noises. You don't say I'm not listening to noises or to noise. You hear a noise but you don't listen to noise.
Be a problem. So but you listen to someone who's talking somebody's making sense to you. So when someone advise you listen to them. What happened so many times when someone advise you what you do in your mind, you start working? Hmm, what he means by that what you're not actually I'm gonna, I'm gonna reply to this, I'm going to refute that claim. I'm going to prove my innocence. I'm gonna, you basically not listening, you're thinking about something completely different. That's very bad etiquette.
To have or quality to have as a person receiving the nasiha if you advise you about something, it's not in you.
I also myself, it's a reminder, it's a warning sign, I still deal with it in a positive attitude. And if it's a new handler, that's a good advice. If it's not in me, I said it's a reminder, it's a warner for me. So always have a good attitude toward those who giving you advice, malice pantalla make us among those who listen to the advice and follow the best of it or listen to the speech and follow the best of it. Apollo Massimo mostofa
and hamdu Lillah wa salatu salam ala Madhavi
I want you to be very aware of the difference between giving somebody advice and putting your nose in people's business
because sometimes what do we do in
official in a hurry man Baba nasi. So people Oh, I want to give an advice and all of a sudden people became like, too involved in your personal life.
You know, inviting people's private life is not a good thing. We have to keep private life private, is not Yeah, and he is not right that every day, I have to give you your nose back, because I find it in my business, you know. So it is important for the person to keep that don't let the shape on make you so nosy. And so, you know, ridiculous by getting into people's personal life. And after all, because I want to advise them on it, figure out what's going on. And the problem between him and his wife so I can advise them not your business advice, if it's something appeared to you something you did not seek Something happened, somebody approached you Something happened in front
of you, but for you to dig and to look and to put basically yourself in that position, that's not correct. Also, make sure that we differentiate between giving us the hat and passing a judgement. A lot of people we think that this is honestly has not passing a judgement, I'm not judging you. And you should not receive it this way. And you should not give it in that format as well. When I advise you I should not sound like I'm judging you, or just an advice. It's between you and Allah between you and yourself. And that's also another thing we should be careful about. It's not our job, Rahim Allah for those who would like to read more about it and also was translated into English if I'm not
mistaken. A beautiful book. I read it a long time ago. It's called alpha, beta and na see how
the difference between giving an advice I'm basically making fun of someone or insulting someone. And you mentioned a lot of great stories in that book. Remember, the effective advice is the one that comes with usually good intention and good wording. Chevron a chef and basil Rahim Allah once a group of people came from Sudan to visit him and among them chef Jaffa Idris. He was telling me the story. So among the delegate who came to visit chef, number seven was Saudi Arabia never he does not use I don't think he met. Maybe he did but he's not used to meet like people who from other faith community because of the culture and the time that you live in Saudi Arabia. And he among the group
is a professor who's a Christian Sudanese. So the chef Jaffa went to the chef and he was trying to tell him in a nice way just be any be tactful and careful. There is a Christian person in the group so bislett you know, Chef,
so the chef
misunderstood what Java two three swans or whatever he thought the Java telling him give him down.
So it was so wrong. He got the message from Sharjah so after the finish and the set and the the Sherpa said, So who's the Christian among you?
So the zol said that will be me, you know, the professor will be me. Then he said, Masha, Allah, you know, Arabic and you do speak Arabic. So the speaker, that's my first language, then the chef's are talking to him. And he recited for him verses from salted knees out from Milan from, you know, different sources in the Koran from Surah Maryam and explained to him and he said, welcome, glad that you're here in my house and blog. Then after shafa, after we left everybody, and he given so told him about the snom. And you know why he think the professor should consider Islam as his deed. So, after he finished chapter four said everybody in the delock because this is like a minister.
Everybody said we have so sorry with this. It's you know, he's old man. He's blind. He the you know, the Saudis, this of this RBI different, you know, people cultural services. Then he said his own interview Yeah. He said, what's wrong with you guys?
God is Zoda. This guy is the first one ever give me down and told me about Islam. While I'm living among you for the last 50 years
of first time to understand things about Islam for the last 50 years. Sometimes not good intention, it would be very powerful, very powerful. I want to tell you also the end of
to make your advice powerful as well. Make sure that you are connected to people, those who advise people from a very highest, you know, from the top there, you know what their advice even with your own family, make sure that you are connected, make sure they are trusted, make sure that you are loved. Make sure that you work with people close to people. So when you advise them, they will take it and they will accept it. And this is so important, especially between organizations Institute, Gemma art Islamia, beep, stomach workers and Islamic groups. When they see you you're out there just to lift up to criticize them and to point finger to the nobody gonna take anything from you. But if
See you close you're on the ground with them people will take from you more. I asked Allah subhanho wa Taala to hear any news or you know what?
Allah, Allah subhanaw taala give us the best of manners. allow more for Linda lubaina Allah forgive our sins or law forgive our sins and shower us with Your mercy and bless us and bless our society and our community. I asked the last panel data and the other fella know anyway to do now alarm off Leno and you already know a lot more for Linda. Dina when you're whining in the DNS lacuna bill Eman
Linda Dina Aminu aloha Muslim Muslim in a lot of Muslims who want to know how to meet a lot of Muslim Muslim in alarm in in Silicon
Valley, Nina salam wa salam ala nabina, Muhammad Muhammad Satya