The Etiquette Of Giving Advice
Channel: Waleed Basyouni
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area unforeseen Omen sejahtera Marina Maria de la rama Villa, oma, you will head Yahuwah shadow Allah Allah Allah Allah, Allah, Allah wa shawanna Mohammed Abu basura Allahumma salli ala Muhammad Allah Allah Mohammed Camus Allah tala Ibrahim Ali Ibrahim in Naka, hamidou Majeed vida de la all praise Do you to align His praise and blessings mpsp upon our Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his family, his companions and his followers until the day of judgment. I bear witness that Allah is the only one worthy of worship and Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his last and final messenger.
My brothers and sisters, since we said that the theme of this year is about support.
And the concept of support is such a vast concept and big concept. And it's very important that we support one another as a community as a society, brothers and sisters, as follow Muslims.
This is an important
matter to us, especially in times where a lot of people are in need of help. And we have seen what happened during the hurricane Harvey and how people come and hamdulillah or came forward to help one another. And if you want to know how big of a topic this all what you need to do on your way out from the door in the back, look at the subtopics and the basically the points that was written in the wall of the wall of Brotherhood's and what that should be made of. But today, I would like to shed some light on one of the meanings of supporting one another. One of the attitude that we should have when we think about supporting one another which is advising one another, unnecessary harm and
abuse Allah Allah Azza wa sallam said come up with me Daddy, a dino nasiha Tamimi. Daddy said that he heard the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said at Dean the religion is based on the concept of nnessee had the concept of advising one another
and this is a very important concept in Islam. And it's not only something the prophets of Salaam has started, but this is the concept that is well
established by every profit and every messenger prior to Mohammed Salah law audience in the
belly welcome. Nice to be
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Darla moon, Noah was telling his people I am delivering to you the message of my Lord and I'm being sincere advice to you.
I know from a lot from a lot of what you don't know who what
he wanna come now sleep on me.
Why not? So I don't wanna kill to him Boonen
and it can go on and on. Many verses in the Quran. Were prophets and messengers stated and said to their people, that we are sincere advisors to you, we advising you, why don't you like to receive the advice and so on. And in nebby sallallahu alayhi wa sallam one of his quality that he never held back something that he knew it will benefit others maton abuse or sell them as an asset. The process didn't pass away didn't leave us unless until the prophets of Salaam told us about everything that will benefit us in this live and next and warn us from everything that might harm us in this life. And next, Mamata rasulillah salam Ouattara Kibera mineral clean Illa De La La
Ilaha Donna min as Allah Subhana Allah described him in the Quran, la Khadija
como su min fusi azeez una de la honey tumhari una
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have come to you a messenger from among yourself as Eason Allah Hema and it's very hard for him to see or to tell you something that will put you in hardship. He doesn't want to put you in any
Kind of any form of hardship and it hurts him a lot to see you going through any type of suffering, disease and an EMA and it to me and him and attack him in an ambulance. pelaku Harrison alikum he cares so much about you. That caring that would lead the prophets of Salaam to be the best NASA, the one who always advise them the best advice Allah to send them to the extend when someone came to the province of Salaam to give to declare Islam and to say I am Muslim. God Ravi, Allah answered bin Abdullah, he said by Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam seldom when he came in, he gave my Legion to the prophets, Allah Lord and send them and to declare my Islam and my Shahada. I said, bye
to Allah. If I miss sada I promised him that I would reform the Salah where he is and to give this account the charity when most Halekulani Muslim, that I will advise every Muslim that I know.
That's how the practice of the early Muslim generations look at Cana saleshandy omotenashi trofimov A know the early generations you advise us to advise one another and used to warn their students and their fellow community members from ever be like the hypocrites or the disbelievers. The arrogant disbelievers who don't accept advice. That's why when Allah subhanaw taala described the dis the hypocrites by saying what either keylolo tequila aha the tool is to build a thing when you tell him it tequila fear Allah, He will be so arrogant and will not accept that from you call up numerous root, who are Raja Nguyen Sahaja that verse means when you advise your brother, fireball Allah He
cannot have some mythical I'm sorry. Hey, don't worry about me care about your own self onboarding about me care about your own family. They'll look at me and look at your own cell. He said that's the hypocrites when he said, You know what, just you not are qualified to advise me. You know, I don't accept from someone like you. That's a sign of hypocrisy. That's the arrogance that Allah subhanaw taala described the disbeliever with manakala to hibben and na sahid Why don't you like those who advise you? And naseeha advising one another one of the meaning of being a brother and sister to one another. That brotherhood and sisterhood basically entails and then they'll say it
means that we should care for one another and advise one another. Have Paul Muslim and a Muslim? Is it the right of every Muslim upon every Muslim? either love to sell lemonade when you meet him or her to give them set up? Either Dhaka gym when they invite you to answer the invitation, what is the stem, so hackathon sila, and he or she asked for advice, that you give them the advice and when this means in the same hamdulillah to say hammock Allah, and when they are sick to visit them, and when they are dead is to follow their funeral. thalassa Nicola nebby salam Salam come if you're headed the debate, Karla Saracen Leia Hilary knuckle boom re Muslim, la sala de la Manasa how to Latin one
zoomy Gemma Attila muslimeen three things will purify your heart and allow you to Kumara Fie his little while a hazard what a valina wala hope in the cemetery.
If you want your heart to be pure, your heart to be clean, is to learn that you always do things sincerely for the sake of Allah. And you always learn how to advise those who are in charge. Anyone a lot put him in charge in position of leading position or lead something that you don't hesitant to advise them. And Lulu Gemma is a Muslim he that you care for the unity of the community, that you don't break the unity of the society.
My brothers and sisters, there are so many etiquettes for them for the advice when we advise one another. And these etiquettes is so important, because that topic is an important element in our life. And it should be done properly. So it will be accepted and it will be effective. Rahim Allah Who are the Alo anime Has anyone who say, Allah has an essay, once the two grandsons of the prophets of Allah and send them once the young teenager boys the past by an older gentleman
who don't know how to make Google. And these are teenagers. They know how to make a little on this old man doesn't know how to make Google
and he felt that they want to advise because if you don't make a correct will that will affect your son hasn't seen also felt shy for the young age to approach this old man and to teach him Yeah, nice to have
Master Larissa Nima and Ian Saha, the Shadow Cabinet. So they said, Yeah, uncle, can you watch us, tell me which one of us His will is better or perfect is correct. Then the first one men that will, then the second one made the will go in front of the old man. So the old man when he saw them, he said, I'll tell you the truth, I just find out that I didn't know how to make although
I realized that I didn't know how to make a little because each one of them was saying, I do this because the prophets of Salaam did this. And they do that because and they basically start teaching him an indirect way.
And we'll see how it does something should not meant to embarrass, embarrass others. And naseeha is not meant to show power over others, unless he has not about exposing others and see how it's about helping others. It's about fixing this in this situation. It's not about making it worse. That's why one of the first etiquette that we must have the right intention. Some people advised us to show off just to show that I know that to show that I have better knowledge that I have power that I can say that or because we want to be littling the other one, or put them down, especially when it comes in front of people.
Sometimes even they will say it to each other and both talking about someone else in their absence. And they said oh we're talking about it's an essay, nothing has to be given to the person himself. Not to put it online, not to put it basically on the gathering. And nothing should be advice to the person directly.
Also, we make sure that undersea ham is not about to be it's not about you being happy that someone make a mistake is not about that you being happy that someone has done what what is wrong. I remember once I was with one of the young student of knowledge, told one of the one of the my teachers or some person they consider him like a chef to me.
He told him about a scholar, a very famous of scholars without mentioning names, who said something terrible, said something terrible. Not even a young student of knowledge will say such thing. So this young man was telling the chef's Can you believe it? Sure so and so said this, and that's a statement any I would say it's so easy for me to say to tell you that that statement even can be considered a statement of go for and unfortunately said by a great scholar.
So when he said this to the scholar what he was waiting he was waiting for that scholar to basically patch the other scholars he's not a scholar, he is the sees that who can How can a Muslim say such things like that? All of a sudden, this shift start crying, and I saw the tears coming down from his eyes.
And I said What's wrong? He said Walid This is such an evil statement sent by someone we know that he is very well known and very knowledgeable person that he made that mistake
What do you think of our mistakes and we are way less and knowledge and tougher than this person?
What can happen tomorrow? So for him was not about the mistake he was so sorry how this person you will do such thing and it will be hold accountable before Allah smart Allah and how can this happened to any one of us without realizing he taught me a lesson that day? That did not see how it's really not about never come across your mind to be happy that you find out Oh, you know what, I found out his mistakes. Now I found out though he did. Now I found out that this is this and that. It is so sad to see that. In nebby sallallahu Sallam reported that he said man I Yara Javi them lemmya Matata if Allah if someone ever whoa pick on someone sins and say oh Shame on you. How did
you do that the process of them said you will not die unless you will do the same mistake that this person did. You will not die unless you will be in the same situation. You make fun of someone for example, because of his weakness that he did this on that and you happy with it. You might end up doing that or worst malice path Allah protect us law to the Russia motto for your AF de la jolla telek.
Do not ever be happy as a people, problems and mistakes been exposed because a lie maybe we'll forgive them and we'll test you with the same situation. Whenever you're given advice, make sure that you choose the best of speech the best afford warning your advisors
Important. So essentially, and by the way, don't think far. Sometimes we don't think about choosing our words, when we talk to our own children, to your son, to your three years old girl, to your 40 years old boy, to your spouse. Sometimes we think about making unwarranted get nice when we talk to a stranger but we forget that we also should choose the best of forums when we talk to our own family, to the people who are close to us to your employees.
So people should always give the advice and dress the advice with the best affording Allah Subhana Allah praise the believers by saying, well who do you know by him you know?
That Allah guided them to say the best of speech? Well, only NASA Krishna say to people, what is good, well ordinary by the US until my servant to say the best not only what is good, but to say what is the best because the best of his speech, the soft speech, this speech are the words that are soft and and when you're a gentleman the way you would in the way you talk. These will be will go very far, that the loss of paranoia data said in a yes, it will kill him up. The good talk will be risen to the heavens. It'd be much lower answer that the prophets are seldom said. I mean, laser beam fash what are the what are? What are the pion and movement cannot be a person who's indecent a
person who who would use bad language, a person who curse a person who basically speak of others. Look at how the Sahaba of the enum choose their words very carefully. let Mr. bassel The Allahu
Akbar and Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam who is bigger you are Rasul Allah. The uncle was asking my boss who's bigger You are the prophets of Allah. Then he said, Karl who are borromini we need to entertain.
He said, he is bigger than me. But I was born two years before him.
He doesn't want to say I'm bigger than him.
No, he said I was born two years before Omar
Omar coming out of Medina. And he saw people out Kaduna. People are camping around fire. So you want to call them for Karla O'Meara the Allah and Allah bow. Wa Kalia Allah na,
ri I attend enough. Rama, Rama and so people around fire. You know, you will think that he will say, oh, people will fire what you're doing. He didn't say people to fire. He said, Oh, people have light.
Because it doesn't sound right people are fire as if they are belong to the fire. One time. One of the students said I spent years with judge so and so. And always this judge a blind person come to his gathering. Carla, voila, he moved to Sydney. Mass me to Karla Nicola me is the hub before Danny and Ilana. Were in Nepal is the hub Mira Abbey, Mohammed.
He said I never heard this judge saying to that blind person, this blind was about to leave. He tell his servant, go with him. He never ever said take him
out of respect for that person disability.
It was said once. That's one of the halifa had a group of people and among them young men. So the hottie Vaughn test how well mannered this young man is. Then he said what you did you see this ring? And he showed him the king is basically the king's ring. So he said, What do you think? Have you ever seen anything more beautiful and much better or anything better than this ring? He said yes. Yeah.
He said What is it? He said, the finger that carry that drink. carnal hottie mala dl vessel and lady will be savvy. Then he said which one is better? Our home or your home? Your father's home.
if you are in our home, our home will be better. And if you are in your home, your home will be better.
I guess of this kids living these days he will be at Trump's White House. He had
Because there's a lot of people have to be, you know, phrase anyway. But the point is that regardless of how you categorize the answer, but Tz knows how to write to say, what is correct what is right, my brothers and sisters, let's learn how to say things in the right way. How to Be gentle when we speak, how to compliment people not to be aggressive and rough and mean when we talk to one another.
That's why one of the educative nnessee had to be soft, and to be far away from being mean to others. When the profits are solid in the process albums mastered a man came in the back of the mustard Can you imagine? Just imagine those somebody would come in the back of the mustard and urinate in the back of the mustard?
The companion jumped on me What are you doing to stop? Then in Ibiza Salam said, Hey, hold on, let him finish. Since he started that didn't finish because if you disturb him, you can hurt him or you can cause much more problems. So when you finish he said, Hey, this massage did not because you saw an empty spot. You know, in the back of the mustard means you can urinate that's not a you in a public place. When you come to the mustard. You should keep it clean and he educated him
when a man came to the porcelain mustard, and he's praying, so someone sneezed. And this is the story of more than a tsunami. So my area he come from the desert doesn't know the etiquettes of Salah. He said your hammock Allah
and Allah so the Sahaba told them like this kind of a Joshi Runa, Liu Sekito nanny, they told me like this, they said, Why are you saying that? He said hamdulillah Amica in the Salah. He starts talking. So people start basically
stop. Then after the solid they jump over me from every corner. That's person pulling me pushing me telling me this telling me that until the process, someone came and he stopped all of them out of Amara. I send them in Houma and Lima and never seen anyone like this. He said to me, and he told me that a Salah when you are in this, I cannot talk to anyone. This sir I only talk to Allah and Allah talk to you, you don't talk to anyone else
in America decree law.
And he said, Well, I didn't frown at me he did. Then the man was so happy that he raised his hand and he said, Allah Mohammed, Mohammed Allah.
He said, Yeah, he said, Yeah, Allah, you know, grant your mercy to me and to Mohammed this man. But none of these guys you know, because of how mean they were then in Ibiza, send them smiled and he said had a car in Ibiza Salaam like you He laughed and he smiled and he said, You have made what is so massive, so small. Allah's mercy is so massive when you only limited to two. One of the etiquette of naseeha is to say it in secret, not in public, not to publish it not to put it in every social media outlet. That's why bin Abdullah Baba mama said that Miss Arab Nikita said, Rahim Allah when Allah Allah uv melas mercy be given to those who give me my mistakes in secret for in
the film Allah eta career, advising people on public is not on advice. It's an attack. It's an humiliation. As an Imam Shafi Rahim Allah said, but I want to make an important distinguish that advising people one thing, but an honorable motto for nine years and in Moncada, something else, when you see something evil and you stand up for what is evil, that should be public, eye so someone in front of people doing what is wrong, you can stop that. That's why when a man change the practice and from Hamad sallallahu, alayhi salam, and he raised his hand and hopital Juma making the one of the prophets of Salaam companions stood up in the follow up until then put your hand down. This is
better, you can do that in the salon. I was just not advice that was honorable Miranda and monka. You see someone doing something evil or wrong, you stop him even if it's in public.
But the advice it should be in secret and in private. Make your advice, a reason for you to be the first to practice what you preach. Don't get angry if people don't take your advice. Don't try to argue with those who you're advising them. It's not about it's not a debate. It's an advice. So you just deliver but don't try to corner them and to you know, make them admit like it's so ridiculous. Some people told me chef I advise him and he didn't admitted
Hello, Steve, what's wrong? you advise them and it didn't admit it, why he has to admit it. Your role is to give advice, not only between him and Allah subhanho wa Taala. Make sure before you advise someone about something
that you make sure that he has this problem, or this incident really happened. Like somebody advised someone after he finished it. By the way, I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, I heard that you did that. I did it.
The Fitbit, make sure that you have a correct information. Be patient. Because sometimes in advice people get angry at you. People attack you. That's why Allah Subhana Allah said, You have been a salata in McMahon's advice when he told us about our kamisato
Moncure was Allah Masada, be patient with what can happen to you? After standing up for the truth?
Be wise, when you give the advice, wisdom, it means to choose the right time.
Some people you walk from the from the door and your spouse, or you did this and this is this under the wait. Let me just breathe in. relax a little bit. It's not the time about advice. You choose the right time to advise somebody haven't seen him for years, you're my shot law. By the way, I have advice for you.
Wait a little bit, take the time somebody is in a wedding or an a funeral. That's not the time to give them a personal advice. So choose the right time. Choose the right place. Also, you know you don't advise. That's why my mother in law when you go to the Bustan to the park, it's a park is not a time for advice. Like I'm telling you as a chef and a teacher, sometimes somebody invited me for, you know, for a dinner, and we go to eat and about to eat. He said, Sure. Can you give us advice? Yeah, sure. So you can eat the whole food. That's right.
I mean, that's not the time to give advice. We just want to socialize and have a good time together. So that advice has a place as a time as basically when people are willing among the wisdom and giving that advice it choose your priorities. You see your family have multiple problems, you choose what one you want to start with, you see your community has multiple things, which issues start with, that's neither wisdom. Also, knowing the situation of the person you're advising him, maybe he is depressed, maybe someone going through hell and life, maybe going through a lot of problems and you don't know. So when you know what the decision of the person might help you to back off a little
bit, to choose another time to advise, you know, as a person, a female, different a male different than young, old teenager, older person, a person of position and power and fame, you don't advise a scholar and Chef, the same way you advise a young man, for your friends or colleagues. You do not advise your parents in the same manner you advise your friend, no.
Parents are something so high. So honorable sort of spected
you don't advise an older person to say my you advise, you know, a young person that you know. So people are different, the way you advise them, you don't advise someone of power and position in the same way you advise, you know, a person who does not possess that.
Make sure that among the wisdom as well, that your advisor will not cause bigger harm.
Sometimes you advise someone, and you know what, yeah. And you lead the person or the villa, as we say, yeah, and yeah.
Yeah. And he will leave the whole thing for you. And I know of a case, a brother who was married to a sister, okay. And he used to teach her on. That's true story. And every time she pronounced something wrong, he said, Stop. Ha,
Then he corrector today, as far as I know, maybe she changed but today as far as I know, she's not Muslim.
She took the most half and she threw it in the floor.
She couldn't she was fed up for me for about two years with this guy. She took the massage throw it away. He came to me Jasmine, she did she commit by throwing the massage on the floor.
I said Well, I don't know committed COVID. Exactly.
Yeah, he said, Ask did I made her commit?
That's the stupidity
that people don't know what the public
Eric how to address things like that. And all these wisdoms paralog comes in one word in the Koran
with a cure endeavor it decra one word to summarize the whole thing, you give advice when you see it will be a beneficial advice
that's why I've been a bass was asked Should I give advice to someone who will not listen to me? He said no. Because Allah said whether you're in fit because you remind when you see your reminder will be effective. I asked Allah subhana wa tada to make us among those who listen to the speech and follow the best of it Salalah Silliman in Vienna
and hamdu Lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Milena, ba ba ba,
one of the etiquettes as well on the c hat is to give people time, if you have something you want to advise them about. And by the way, advice can be given to individual to institutes, organizations, governmental official.
It's all levels that will say I should be good. We should give people time. That's why someone said Dr. Mohammed, give me one month to think about your advice, then individually you can go.
So take you give people time to think about you know what you advise, don't command or demand an immediate response. Also, decide
when you advise Don't make it too much. Even Massoud used to advises people every Thursday
there is we have a very strange culture. I just finished a whole lecture and we go outside in the car then a brother to me shall give us advice what in the world I've been teaching the whole day.
It's a strange It's a strange cult because the advice became so cheap has no value anymore.
also be sincere in your advice. Make sure that you are sincere in your advice when you give no see how give the right thing don't you don't try to make them feel good only while you deceiving them.
Can you imagine if I asked advice from a doctor and he knows I might live in dangerous as a Mashallah you're good. You didn't get I don't want to hurt this feeling. How not a doctor betraying the trust.
I mean, you don't need to be mean or blunt about it to embarrass him. But you know, be wise but it is also have to be true. Because I have seen sometimes people try to, you know, give you just any type of cheap talk just to make you feel good about yourself.
know if you really have something sight, especially if you know that people will listen from you, or otherwise don't say the wrong thing. If you cannot say the truth, don't say the falsehood because misleading people is so dangerous is so wrong. It's so immoral.
Even if your intention is good, because good intention is not good enough.
I kept this for the final
your advice should not belong. And I guess I should advise myself about that. So with this outside, your advice also might make it short. Don't be too long. And don't be keep coming back and forth. Do you need to say it 100 times you know and but keep addressing the issue maybe in different ways in different manners. I asked a las panatela to make us among those who listen to the speech and follow the best of it and make us among those who advise one another and hopefully Charlotte maybe in future hopeless I will talk about you know the etiquettes of receiving that advice because that's also another another talk that I think need to be addressed as well. A lot of melphalan are ham now
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